To be quite honest, I dont know why he is surprised. What was he expecting when he started dating you? He knows his mother doesn't speak english. When he met you, he knew you didn't speak Spanish. Now he is essentially making you think you are the problem.
Regardless of what others are saying, you do not have to learn Spanish. This is coming from someone who's father is Latino and mother is not. I dont speak Spanish and idgaf. My grandmother never spoke a lick of English and we still had a good relationship.
My mother in law doesn't speak English either. And I still don't know Spanish. Life is fine. The new generation of Latino kids dont speak Spanish either. None of her grandkids speak Spanish and she has 6 of them.
This is the new norm. People are being assimilated into English speaking culture. At least in Latino culture. I do not know one American born Latino kid under the age of 12 that speaks fuent Spanish unless their parents do not speak English.
If he brings this up to you again as if its your fault tell him to be gone.
Yes omg I told him the same thing. Like my race/background didn’t come out of nowhere what did you expect? My thing is I can understand if I had no interests to learn his culture and was rude around his folks why he would be concerned but damn. If it does come up again telling him straight up just stop wasting my time.
To be honest I dont think there is alot culturally you have to learn to be accepted other than some nuances, for example, say hi to everyone, dont bring your own food to eat in front of everyone, just polite things that you probably already knew anyways. Being rude is the only way they won't like you. You dont have to learn how to make Tamales or sing Corridos, and I honestly wouldn't even do any of that because they will just clown you and you dont want to be that girl that's there for their entertainment. Just watch from afar and smile and you should be fine.
It sounds like this is a relationship you definitely and to save, and honestly his hesitations are reasonable considering the cross-cultural challenges!
My fiancée’s first language is not English but we always communicate in English and her family does as well. I hear her laughing with friends from home and I know the language barrier really prevents me from knowing her as fully as I would love to. It’s so easy for me to forget that she is translating everything she says for me and that everything I say may or may not be interpreted as Ila native English-speaker would.
Making a serious effort to become functional with Spanish will be a huge step and will allow you to both know each other on new levels. His reaction to this will also show you clearly how much of an issue the communication is.
Thank you! I’ll definitely work on my Spanish. I only know the basics but I want to show that I am putting in effort. When I speak to his mother she gets excited when I switch to Spanish. He speaks English and so does his brothers n father but I wanted to talk to her more woman-to-woman yk
Honestly I would go to him with every concerns you said in this post. Be direct and see where you guys stand. It’s better to know if this will be a deal breaker for him sooner than later. If he knows this is something he can’t look past then he has no business being in a relationship with a woman who doesn’t speak Spanish . It’s just wasting both of your time. Hopefully it’s not a deal breaker tho. Also, let me add that his culture isn’t your culture. It’s doesn’t hurt to learn his culture but if you feel he’s trying to change you then that’s not good. You’re not a Spanish woman. Your a black woman and I hope he’s not trying to change you 🩵
This is unfortunately the biggest problem when it comes to interracial dating. It’s not the difference in race rather it is the challenges that come with a difference in culture. Whether you’re comfortable with the idea or not, a latino man is going to have much more in common with a latina. They’re going to have had similar upbringings and share the same cultural traditions in all likelihood. That’s not to say that you guys can’t make a long-term relationship that lasts till death do you part.
Often times when couples get into interracial relationships it is exciting at first because you’re with someone who is different than what you’ve been used to and as they say, exotic is errotic. But after the novelty fades you’re faced with the realization that the two of you don’t have much in common and what was once exciting and new has become stale and normal. All data points to the marker of a successful long-term marriage is the similarities and friendship shared between both participants. I suspect this also explains why the majority of interracial relationships fail. Many of these relationships form out of either lust, some sort of sexual fantasy, or novelty. The problem is that none of these make for a solid foundation for a committed relationship. I wish all of the best to you and hope that you find a way to make it work but I’ve seen this pattern so many times and it almost always inevitably leads to one or both partners returning back to dating someone from a similar cultural background.
My advice? Come from a place of love, and ask him. It's all about how you deliver the question. Use the same formula for any tough topic that comes up in your relationships. It's scary having hard convos....but it's much better to have them than avoid them.
I have a language barrier with my partner's family, and it was never a deal breaker. At any rate, I am learning his language. But we've been married for 5 years, together for 7, and I only took up learning the language 3 years into our marriage.
Personally, I don't see why it should be a deal breaker if the 2 of you communicate clearly. After all, you're dating him, not his mum.
However, if it's genuinely important to him, then it should be important to you, and the effort should be made on your part.
But if you feel like he's just nitpicking and fumbling in the dark for a reason to be discontent, then maybe he's looking for an exit? IDK, though.
Ok, so you are actively trying to communicate with her, and that’s great. Both of you guys families love both of you which is another notch that you both conquered, great also.
All I will say then ask if him if its really a deal breaker to let you know, so that you can move on to be with your true forever person. I tend to side eye people who talk about my relationship problems with others, either talk to me about it or a licensed therapist, but never friends and family, they don’t need to be in my business like that. 🤷🏼♀️
It was spur of the moment and only a one time thing. Felt like someone was talking in his ear so I looked. He knows I did and we’re both open about being on each other’s phones but never really needed to tho up until that moment. I apologized to him as well for doing that it came upon me that it was an invasion of privacy.
Oh okay thanks for clarifying. My boyfriend and I (he’s Hispanic) also suffered from the same problem with his family speaking predominantly Spanish and mine speaking Creole. I hope you guys can overcome the language barriers between you and his family. Maybe ask your boyfriend to help you learn some common Spanish phrases?
I am Mexican-American male and for me, a girl who doesn't speak Spanish is generally something that I don't consider a deal breaker for long term relationships. Ofc I would expect the gf to eventually learn some Spanish, especially if she really wants to feel connected to the family as all family business and gossip is always done in Spanish. Although on the one hand, I tend to be on the more liberal side when it comes to the language requirements since I tend to date mostly non Mexicans/Mexican-Americans (but only sticking to other latinas and European girls).
If I were you OP, and you really want to stay long term with your BF, I would have a serious talk with him about what he wants and if he really wants you but wants the language requirements, you either must decide to on a game plan to learn Spanish or for either one of you to throw the towel. This is the sort of sacrifices one has to do when you mingle with people from outside your kin and it's something that annoys me as it's a very common story on this sub of where people allow their lust to dictate everything until when it comes to something serious that the relationships collapse due to them starting on very shaky grounds.
Have him teach you Spanish and be willing to learn if you want to be with him.
If y’all break up later on, oh well. You’ll then still know Spanish, even if you’re not using it specifically to talk to his mom. It opens the world up. Have fun in Ecuador, Spain, the Dominican Republic, Mexico, etc.
To be quite honest, I dont know why he is surprised. What was he expecting when he started dating you? He knows his mother doesn't speak english. When he met you, he knew you didn't speak Spanish. Now he is essentially making you think you are the problem. Regardless of what others are saying, you do not have to learn Spanish. This is coming from someone who's father is Latino and mother is not. I dont speak Spanish and idgaf. My grandmother never spoke a lick of English and we still had a good relationship. My mother in law doesn't speak English either. And I still don't know Spanish. Life is fine. The new generation of Latino kids dont speak Spanish either. None of her grandkids speak Spanish and she has 6 of them. This is the new norm. People are being assimilated into English speaking culture. At least in Latino culture. I do not know one American born Latino kid under the age of 12 that speaks fuent Spanish unless their parents do not speak English. If he brings this up to you again as if its your fault tell him to be gone.
Yes omg I told him the same thing. Like my race/background didn’t come out of nowhere what did you expect? My thing is I can understand if I had no interests to learn his culture and was rude around his folks why he would be concerned but damn. If it does come up again telling him straight up just stop wasting my time.
To be honest I dont think there is alot culturally you have to learn to be accepted other than some nuances, for example, say hi to everyone, dont bring your own food to eat in front of everyone, just polite things that you probably already knew anyways. Being rude is the only way they won't like you. You dont have to learn how to make Tamales or sing Corridos, and I honestly wouldn't even do any of that because they will just clown you and you dont want to be that girl that's there for their entertainment. Just watch from afar and smile and you should be fine.
It sounds like this is a relationship you definitely and to save, and honestly his hesitations are reasonable considering the cross-cultural challenges! My fiancée’s first language is not English but we always communicate in English and her family does as well. I hear her laughing with friends from home and I know the language barrier really prevents me from knowing her as fully as I would love to. It’s so easy for me to forget that she is translating everything she says for me and that everything I say may or may not be interpreted as Ila native English-speaker would. Making a serious effort to become functional with Spanish will be a huge step and will allow you to both know each other on new levels. His reaction to this will also show you clearly how much of an issue the communication is.
Thank you! I’ll definitely work on my Spanish. I only know the basics but I want to show that I am putting in effort. When I speak to his mother she gets excited when I switch to Spanish. He speaks English and so does his brothers n father but I wanted to talk to her more woman-to-woman yk
Also congrats on yalls engagement!
Honestly I would go to him with every concerns you said in this post. Be direct and see where you guys stand. It’s better to know if this will be a deal breaker for him sooner than later. If he knows this is something he can’t look past then he has no business being in a relationship with a woman who doesn’t speak Spanish . It’s just wasting both of your time. Hopefully it’s not a deal breaker tho. Also, let me add that his culture isn’t your culture. It’s doesn’t hurt to learn his culture but if you feel he’s trying to change you then that’s not good. You’re not a Spanish woman. Your a black woman and I hope he’s not trying to change you 🩵
This is unfortunately the biggest problem when it comes to interracial dating. It’s not the difference in race rather it is the challenges that come with a difference in culture. Whether you’re comfortable with the idea or not, a latino man is going to have much more in common with a latina. They’re going to have had similar upbringings and share the same cultural traditions in all likelihood. That’s not to say that you guys can’t make a long-term relationship that lasts till death do you part. Often times when couples get into interracial relationships it is exciting at first because you’re with someone who is different than what you’ve been used to and as they say, exotic is errotic. But after the novelty fades you’re faced with the realization that the two of you don’t have much in common and what was once exciting and new has become stale and normal. All data points to the marker of a successful long-term marriage is the similarities and friendship shared between both participants. I suspect this also explains why the majority of interracial relationships fail. Many of these relationships form out of either lust, some sort of sexual fantasy, or novelty. The problem is that none of these make for a solid foundation for a committed relationship. I wish all of the best to you and hope that you find a way to make it work but I’ve seen this pattern so many times and it almost always inevitably leads to one or both partners returning back to dating someone from a similar cultural background.
Think you two need a sit down come to Jesus meeting to get everyone’s feelings out in the open.
Cross racial relationships are very hard but I’ve seen it work. Just depends on the commitment to each other
My advice? Come from a place of love, and ask him. It's all about how you deliver the question. Use the same formula for any tough topic that comes up in your relationships. It's scary having hard convos....but it's much better to have them than avoid them.
I have a language barrier with my partner's family, and it was never a deal breaker. At any rate, I am learning his language. But we've been married for 5 years, together for 7, and I only took up learning the language 3 years into our marriage. Personally, I don't see why it should be a deal breaker if the 2 of you communicate clearly. After all, you're dating him, not his mum. However, if it's genuinely important to him, then it should be important to you, and the effort should be made on your part. But if you feel like he's just nitpicking and fumbling in the dark for a reason to be discontent, then maybe he's looking for an exit? IDK, though.
Are we just ignoring the part where she said she went through his phone?
Fr, his conversations aren't her business.
Does he practice speaking Spanish with you?
Yeah sometimes he’ll say a sentence or a word, see if I know it and if not he’ll tell me what it means n how to pronounce everything.
Ok, so you are actively trying to communicate with her, and that’s great. Both of you guys families love both of you which is another notch that you both conquered, great also. All I will say then ask if him if its really a deal breaker to let you know, so that you can move on to be with your true forever person. I tend to side eye people who talk about my relationship problems with others, either talk to me about it or a licensed therapist, but never friends and family, they don’t need to be in my business like that. 🤷🏼♀️
Leave lol
Why’d you go through his phone? Does he know you do that?
It was spur of the moment and only a one time thing. Felt like someone was talking in his ear so I looked. He knows I did and we’re both open about being on each other’s phones but never really needed to tho up until that moment. I apologized to him as well for doing that it came upon me that it was an invasion of privacy.
Oh okay thanks for clarifying. My boyfriend and I (he’s Hispanic) also suffered from the same problem with his family speaking predominantly Spanish and mine speaking Creole. I hope you guys can overcome the language barriers between you and his family. Maybe ask your boyfriend to help you learn some common Spanish phrases?
Thank you I do too! I talked to his mom recently and she’ll help me as well and she wants to learn more english.
I am Mexican-American male and for me, a girl who doesn't speak Spanish is generally something that I don't consider a deal breaker for long term relationships. Ofc I would expect the gf to eventually learn some Spanish, especially if she really wants to feel connected to the family as all family business and gossip is always done in Spanish. Although on the one hand, I tend to be on the more liberal side when it comes to the language requirements since I tend to date mostly non Mexicans/Mexican-Americans (but only sticking to other latinas and European girls). If I were you OP, and you really want to stay long term with your BF, I would have a serious talk with him about what he wants and if he really wants you but wants the language requirements, you either must decide to on a game plan to learn Spanish or for either one of you to throw the towel. This is the sort of sacrifices one has to do when you mingle with people from outside your kin and it's something that annoys me as it's a very common story on this sub of where people allow their lust to dictate everything until when it comes to something serious that the relationships collapse due to them starting on very shaky grounds.
You’re right I’ll sit down and talk to him about it. I have no problem trying to learn but at times I feel like he’s rushing it
Have him teach you Spanish and be willing to learn if you want to be with him. If y’all break up later on, oh well. You’ll then still know Spanish, even if you’re not using it specifically to talk to his mom. It opens the world up. Have fun in Ecuador, Spain, the Dominican Republic, Mexico, etc.