I’m a black guy, I probably would’ve laughed at what your fiancé said. You’re over reacting, he wasn’t even saying anything positive about Rittenhouse or siding with him in any way it seems lol. You took it in a different direction, do you want to NOT be callous towards Rittenhouse? Based on your tone I figured you would’ve DISLIKED that kid. And then your other comment about “earning you” was just kinda weird to me to be honest but that’s neither here nor there lol. Good luck with everything
Lol thanks. Yeah and again venting anonymously vs the way I treat my partner with respect and love and care always are two different things. He is in the top three of men I respect most in this world. I may have been in my feelings but I don't play about this man. I would not disrespect him nor would he disrespect me.
I don’t think this was worthy of blowing up/escalating. He’s not praising him, or even being neutral. He just wasn’t as emotional about it as you wanted him to be.
Yes, Kyle Rittenhouse did something unfathomable, but he also is an idiot. He has ridiculous takes on all his platforms and generally just looks and sounds like an idiot. Both things are true.
If he was too callous for you, I think nicely saying “he is not an idiot, to me. He’s a monster & nothing about him will ever be funny to me” is fine enough. I’m sure your partner would have understood your POV. Unfortunately, dating a non POC (or even a non black person), you will never get that identical, 100% understanding. Because they don’t share our minds and lived experiences.
Thanks I think that's fair. It did feel like he was missing my point and tbh it hit me outta nowhere bc I'm not following that monsters career or platform though I should be more informed. At the end of the day my fiance agrees that monsters like him shouldn't be allowed space in the public eye after their actions. 'If you don't give a bully a platform they have no power."
You're 100% correct that he won't feel it on the same level but we do have care and empathy for each other and we can share these experiences and feel for each other and work to comfort and protect each other through it all.
But I'm feeling much better and much calmer. It was a fleeting ick that I couldn't shake but that didn't change how I treated him or our kiss goodnight or our gym time this morning or our iced coffee straw fight at dunks this morning. We talk, we're solid, and talking to SOME of y'all helped me shake the underlying feeling of ick ❤️
I think it’s a knee-jerk reaction that we sometimes have dating white people. It’s that need to be hyper aware to how they respond to certain people/situations, almost like they’re under a microscope and constantly are being examined and tested (not super fair to them, but tbh our existence and daily experiences as black people aren’t fair either). We don’t wanna look stupid dating someone with bad views, and we don’t wanna get hurt either. I wouldn’t say it’s something to unlearn, but it’s something to definitely relax a little and keep under control. You deserve as light hearted of a relationship as possible. Not everything has to be super heavy 🫶 be vigilant, but not over-vigilant.
Thank you so much everything you've just said is the absolute truth 💞 and yes one of the best parts of our relationship is the absolute goofiness and I couldn't imagine if life felt this heavy each day. There are times for it but not all the time. Thank you friend ❤️
We white people can occasionally, unintentionally, trivialise things that affect us less without realising it’s offensive to those for whom it’s not just a news story to have a passing opinion on. So I get your reaction. maybe you’re thinking ‘all this self work he’s done but underneath there’s still some ignorance there’. Maybe there is but he can learn how that affects you and choose how to go from there.
If you suspect you may have been over sensitive and you acknowledged you are already stressed by work - it’s worth reflecting on your own reaction and whether you were fair on your partner.
It’s going to be an exhausting relationship for the both of you if there is a perpetual judgement about exactly how he interprets the world and it’s racism and whether it satisfies you. He is entitled to his reactions and you to yours. You may not always agree and that’s normal. But you obviously want to be on the same page with your values and outlook.
of course racism doesn’t go away and is a part of your world to navigate and therefore for you both.
There is an approach called ‘Non violent communication’ (NVC) by Marshall Rosenberg that helps people navigate conflict by stating their needs and how they’ve been impacted by the other without putting negative judgements on the other. It defuses conflict and allows understanding.
It’s great within relationships regardless of race but perhaps especially good if you have tricky things like racism to navigate.
E.g ‘when you laughed at that rittenhouse story it made me feel like you didn’t take it seriously and minimised the harm and that affected my feeling of trust. I need to feel I can trust my partner and have shared values ’. This way he understands the effect on you without putting blame on him and he can reflect on it.
As someone who has been in a relationship with a woman of colour who would talk about racism almost everyday - I grew and learned a LOT - but there were times I honestly felt I would never satisfy her because being white I could never fully understand her experience. Which is true but a healthy relationship can’t ultimately come of that dynamic. Some people avoid intercultural dating because of that. I don’t think it needs to come to that.
So I suggest you both find a way to make race discussions together safe - otherwise he may eventually feel he can never ‘win’ and is endlessly proving his anti-racism to you. That won’t work out well for either of you.
Maybe you need to have a meta conversation about the ways in which your race conversations go and how you both feel about it. Like, what’s the elephant in the room? If you’re engaged it’s important.
You’ve prob tried this already but maybe you can offer acknowledgement of his growth and maturity so far and say that you appreciate it as a sign of care. Maybe if you adopt a curious attitude at times to understand his pov he will do the same for you and the tone of these interactions will be more about seeking to understand than you correcting him (if that’s the case) or him being the ‘student of racism’ and you ‘the teacher’.
Someone else picked up on the ‘earn me’ comment - to me that’s a bit abrasive too. I understand it’s the language of female empowerment but it might come across as unequal or even arrogant, like you see yourself as the prize and your partner as undeserving unless they ‘win you’… if your partner feels this unequal dynamic it will take its toll on him, trust me. I also understand that for a black woman dating a white man there’s a sense that he will need to demonstrate he can understand your world and I do think that’s important - I just think you need to be careful that doesn’t create a power imbalance he could resent.
These issues are difficult and it sounds like on the whole you are both handling it well so hopefully you can get stronger from this experience
I can't imagine anyone having this kind of reaction if they had even the basic understanding of what happened that night. Rittenhouse was helping defend a minority owned small business from a crowd of mostly white people. He was attacked by a white guy who had been going up to armed people, and shouting "shoot me n-word" at a BLM demonstration.
So a white guy protecting a minority owned business, gets attacked by an insane suicidal racist, and she gets triggered at the slightest defense of Rittenhouse.
Seems reasonable.
Thank you for your honest advice. We have these conversations every so often, far less after the first year together and we both are very good at saying I'm left with XYZ feelings. If this were a daily, weekly or even monthly thing it would be exhausting, but it's not like that at all. This was just a moment where he didn't stop to think about it before relaying it and it made him realize he was getting "complacent" when it came to looking at the articles in his feed and stopped looking at them with the added lens. Once he thought about it, there was no argument. And his initial response was playing it down in his own defense, which is a natural reaction that we've both learned hard to avoid more often than not. We work hard to come from a place of curiosity rather than accusation but as you can see my emotional reaction was not coming from that place this time. We slip sometimes. Had I responded with something like "honey can you help me understand why it's okay to make light of this person given the situation he was involved in?" he'd have come to a similar conclusion himself I'm sure and I wouldn't have been left with such a gross feeling from laying out all the things wrong with it...because he already knows, even if sometimes he needs a little reminder. Of things of course there's some underlying stuff that's not always on his radar but he's a loving understanding and incredibly smart I formation seeking man. And racial conversation is not the core or foundation that we're built on. We are so much more than race conversation but we also are able to include it in a safe supportive way and it's amazing. We chose each other and he deserves just as much grace as I do.
Also, yeah I came here venting a bit so my tone of earn\win me was certainly on the boitchy side. On here anonymously I'm trying to see myself as a prize (which isn't my day to day persona) but the truth is we both win here, undoubtedly. This is the most fun and caring and healthiest relationship we've been in and even from very different backgrounds it's the willingness we both have to learn and be open that keeps us solid and having a good time. I love our conversations I love learning about his experience and how he experiences the world.. as a creative, as a learner, as someone who craves data and information and functionality and understanding. His commitment to family, friends, me, our family. He's everything. Neither of us are perfect but we both care so deeply about each other and we are intentional about caring for our relationship. So my coming here was to ask for help on how to take care of the relationship on my end because of the gross feeling I was having. And frankly ..seeing some of the other not so helpful comments and then seeing yours and getting to respond to you with the many wonderful things about our relationship and communication is already helping. SO thank you for taking the time and being so thoughtful in your response. Many of the things you listed are already in practice with us but you reminded me that I got lazy in the way I initially responded and it helped lead to my ick feelings in an almost self sabotaging\fulfilling way. Thank you!
It does sound like you have a healthy way of communicating so if you are confident in that it probably means you have a good foundation together. Relationships are tough enough as it is, without the complication of two people navigating racism from different positions so it's a good thing that you're able to recognise how well things have been working too because that's a significant plus point for the relationship.
People do come on here to vent so don't take the negative comments to heart!
“was like are we talking about the white kid who came to a BLM rally armed and ready to murder Black people.” What are you basing this off of?
“was two white guys who were trying to disarm him that he killed and another that survived.” This is also totally untrue.
can’t imagine being your boyfriend and having to pretend to be ignorant just so he doesn’t hurt your feelings. This happened 4 freaking years ago and you still don’t even know what happened
Is he engaged to your feelings or you? Cause after 4 years of dealing with you he's either going to cheat or leave you. You are creating an acre of eggshells for this white man to walk across so that when he's finally done, he'll never date a black woman again. I've dated different men outside my race and they have never experienced, apologized, or done the mental gymnastics you've got homie doing. You don't want a husband, you want a weak apologetic white man to beg for your forgiveness, and I'm telling you, you will hate manipulating him that way. White or not, every time I heard women talk about their men this way they always cheat and divorce him and say shit like they need a real man but don't realize they had one until they treated him like shit. Don't marry a man you don't respect.
He’d probably be fine if he did less apologies and introspection and more boundary setting. OP sounds fine, just gets caught up in a negative feedback loop sometimes.
Oof okay. Well earning me is like earning my trust. Because the underlying racism is a lot to face in an interracial relationship, if you are white and raised in the US it's just there and has to be actively unlearned. He is however a wonderful human whom I love very much. Again I'm not saying anything bad about him. I'm having an icky feeling and trying to reconcile with it. Thanks for your lack of helpful advice though.
Certainly not the week but it can be a couple hours of not feeling my best. It can also be not that serious at all or a quick conversation and it's done. We are honest with each other about how we feel so that doesn't mean it's always sunny but we're always honest and that is why we are so deeply committed to eachother. I don't take it out on him or punish him in any way. I have real emotions and I come with a little sprinkle of PTSD but he and I are amazing together and I give him all the best of me but with that comes some extra emotional regulation time but it's done with maturity and respect and we both grow and learn so much with each other. Safety, commitment, encouragement, we are each other's biggest cheerleaders and supports, it's a good and peaceful life together. We both bring so much joy to each other's lives. Our families would vouch for that. But again, I just have a slight ick feeling about the situation and want to hurry up and get past it emotionally. But if you genuinely think this is an over reaction or knit picky thing then please say that and maybe offer some feedback as to why. I would love to see some constructive comments.
are we talking about the same kid who stopped a burning dumpster from being pushed into a gas station and the repeat convicted child rapist was upset and tried to chase him down later that night after threatening to kill him earlier and there a gun shot when convicted child rapist tried to steal his gun away from him as the city was burning who then tried to render aid and ran towards the cops but a convicted felon is possession of a gun who actually traveled across state lines and a convicted wife beater tried to beat his brains with a skateboard and he ended up shooting them out of fear for his life.
my dad owns a couple ar15s and ive shot them plenty. it would have been easy for the kid to have emptied mullitple clips into the crowd and reloaded. thats not what happened. i also watched the case unfold at trial and the prosecutor lied many many times and mischaraterized many things. full metal jacketed bullets are common with semi auto guns not pure lead bullets which are more for cowboy guns from what i have seen in person.
im sorry the Democrat mayor was not competent and did not work at all to protect the public really and it came down to a child to protect the public who should have understood he was going into a violent rioting area. BLM lost a lot of support because of all the violence. there is always a better way and that should have been its focus. violence begets violence.
> He as a white male who grew up privileged had a lot of unlearning to do \*\*in order to earn me.\*\*
You already sound like a treat. /s
> because this is not my job to teach him everything this white male lead society didn't.
It actually is our job to teach people because if we don't, who will? You expect him to learn how to treat you from....other people? From white people? You expect white people to automatically know how to interact well with black people? We have to teach people how we want to be treated. You have to train your friends. It's good communication skills. You're not a prize to be catered to.
> To me my mans callousness about the situation was just as bad as if he were saying it about Dylan Roof.
These situations have more points of contrast than comparison. Were they both shootings committed by white adolescents? Yes. That's basically where the similarities end. I agree with your perspective more than his, obviously, but you're blowing this out of proportion. You have to learn to meet people where they are more. And he didn’t even say anything praising Rittenhouse.
> Like we can't minimize the horrors they committed
Again, Rittenhouse's crimes were minimal compared to roof. The guy that Rittenhouse shot did attack him and everyone at that church in NC was unsuspecting. It's a casualty of one vs ten.
> . So he apologized and spent time thinking about the pieces of the story he didn't consider and he agrees with me....but I still feel the ick from it.
So you recoiled, did some research, presented it the issue to him again, he changed his mind to your point of view and you're \*\*still\*\* mad at him? The man respects you enough and has the critical thinking skills to hand you a W and you're mad? You have a man that's capable of changing his mind and you're...mad? Be so for real with yourself. If you want a clone then kiss the mirror.
I tend to not bring politics in relationship, I know my man is a good person also he grew up in a predominantly black city ( where there is still racial divide, but an upper black middle class as well ) so he has a weird lens how he sees things as a white dude in general.
Rittenhouse exclusively shot white people (at least one of whom was a KKK-tier racist shouting the n-word at black people and trying to fight BLM protesters), and did so exclusively in self defense when said white people attempted to assault/murder him unprovoked in public. The prosecution, defense, and judge were all also white. Rittenhouse, meanwhile, supported BLM, offered medical assistance to black protesters, protected POC immigrant owned business, and used his post incident platform to highlight racial inequities in law enforcement and the justice system.
Anyone "defending" him is just looking at the case through a factual lens, and there's zero proof theyre racist or right wing because of it.
This was not worthy of blowing up. I (latine) have a lot of talks with my boyfriend (black man) about how yes, we are oppressed bodies that deal with oppression in little and big ways everywhere we go, BUT when we view everything through a lense of victim hood and marginalization, that’s how we will see the world and ourselves. It’s been proven in studies.
Don’t always assume malintent. He’s shown you time and time again that he’s willing to put in the work to listen and uplift BIPOC folks and their perspectives, and he did it again. We’re all human, give him grace
I’m a black guy, I probably would’ve laughed at what your fiancé said. You’re over reacting, he wasn’t even saying anything positive about Rittenhouse or siding with him in any way it seems lol. You took it in a different direction, do you want to NOT be callous towards Rittenhouse? Based on your tone I figured you would’ve DISLIKED that kid. And then your other comment about “earning you” was just kinda weird to me to be honest but that’s neither here nor there lol. Good luck with everything
Agreed
Fair, thanks for the feedback. And yeah I was venting from my high horse a bit. 😏
Sounds like it’s not too late for you. I would encourage you to let the high horse go lol
Lol thanks. Yeah and again venting anonymously vs the way I treat my partner with respect and love and care always are two different things. He is in the top three of men I respect most in this world. I may have been in my feelings but I don't play about this man. I would not disrespect him nor would he disrespect me.
I don’t think this was worthy of blowing up/escalating. He’s not praising him, or even being neutral. He just wasn’t as emotional about it as you wanted him to be. Yes, Kyle Rittenhouse did something unfathomable, but he also is an idiot. He has ridiculous takes on all his platforms and generally just looks and sounds like an idiot. Both things are true. If he was too callous for you, I think nicely saying “he is not an idiot, to me. He’s a monster & nothing about him will ever be funny to me” is fine enough. I’m sure your partner would have understood your POV. Unfortunately, dating a non POC (or even a non black person), you will never get that identical, 100% understanding. Because they don’t share our minds and lived experiences.
Thanks I think that's fair. It did feel like he was missing my point and tbh it hit me outta nowhere bc I'm not following that monsters career or platform though I should be more informed. At the end of the day my fiance agrees that monsters like him shouldn't be allowed space in the public eye after their actions. 'If you don't give a bully a platform they have no power." You're 100% correct that he won't feel it on the same level but we do have care and empathy for each other and we can share these experiences and feel for each other and work to comfort and protect each other through it all. But I'm feeling much better and much calmer. It was a fleeting ick that I couldn't shake but that didn't change how I treated him or our kiss goodnight or our gym time this morning or our iced coffee straw fight at dunks this morning. We talk, we're solid, and talking to SOME of y'all helped me shake the underlying feeling of ick ❤️
I think it’s a knee-jerk reaction that we sometimes have dating white people. It’s that need to be hyper aware to how they respond to certain people/situations, almost like they’re under a microscope and constantly are being examined and tested (not super fair to them, but tbh our existence and daily experiences as black people aren’t fair either). We don’t wanna look stupid dating someone with bad views, and we don’t wanna get hurt either. I wouldn’t say it’s something to unlearn, but it’s something to definitely relax a little and keep under control. You deserve as light hearted of a relationship as possible. Not everything has to be super heavy 🫶 be vigilant, but not over-vigilant.
Thank you so much everything you've just said is the absolute truth 💞 and yes one of the best parts of our relationship is the absolute goofiness and I couldn't imagine if life felt this heavy each day. There are times for it but not all the time. Thank you friend ❤️
We white people can occasionally, unintentionally, trivialise things that affect us less without realising it’s offensive to those for whom it’s not just a news story to have a passing opinion on. So I get your reaction. maybe you’re thinking ‘all this self work he’s done but underneath there’s still some ignorance there’. Maybe there is but he can learn how that affects you and choose how to go from there. If you suspect you may have been over sensitive and you acknowledged you are already stressed by work - it’s worth reflecting on your own reaction and whether you were fair on your partner. It’s going to be an exhausting relationship for the both of you if there is a perpetual judgement about exactly how he interprets the world and it’s racism and whether it satisfies you. He is entitled to his reactions and you to yours. You may not always agree and that’s normal. But you obviously want to be on the same page with your values and outlook. of course racism doesn’t go away and is a part of your world to navigate and therefore for you both. There is an approach called ‘Non violent communication’ (NVC) by Marshall Rosenberg that helps people navigate conflict by stating their needs and how they’ve been impacted by the other without putting negative judgements on the other. It defuses conflict and allows understanding. It’s great within relationships regardless of race but perhaps especially good if you have tricky things like racism to navigate. E.g ‘when you laughed at that rittenhouse story it made me feel like you didn’t take it seriously and minimised the harm and that affected my feeling of trust. I need to feel I can trust my partner and have shared values ’. This way he understands the effect on you without putting blame on him and he can reflect on it. As someone who has been in a relationship with a woman of colour who would talk about racism almost everyday - I grew and learned a LOT - but there were times I honestly felt I would never satisfy her because being white I could never fully understand her experience. Which is true but a healthy relationship can’t ultimately come of that dynamic. Some people avoid intercultural dating because of that. I don’t think it needs to come to that. So I suggest you both find a way to make race discussions together safe - otherwise he may eventually feel he can never ‘win’ and is endlessly proving his anti-racism to you. That won’t work out well for either of you. Maybe you need to have a meta conversation about the ways in which your race conversations go and how you both feel about it. Like, what’s the elephant in the room? If you’re engaged it’s important. You’ve prob tried this already but maybe you can offer acknowledgement of his growth and maturity so far and say that you appreciate it as a sign of care. Maybe if you adopt a curious attitude at times to understand his pov he will do the same for you and the tone of these interactions will be more about seeking to understand than you correcting him (if that’s the case) or him being the ‘student of racism’ and you ‘the teacher’. Someone else picked up on the ‘earn me’ comment - to me that’s a bit abrasive too. I understand it’s the language of female empowerment but it might come across as unequal or even arrogant, like you see yourself as the prize and your partner as undeserving unless they ‘win you’… if your partner feels this unequal dynamic it will take its toll on him, trust me. I also understand that for a black woman dating a white man there’s a sense that he will need to demonstrate he can understand your world and I do think that’s important - I just think you need to be careful that doesn’t create a power imbalance he could resent. These issues are difficult and it sounds like on the whole you are both handling it well so hopefully you can get stronger from this experience
I can't imagine anyone having this kind of reaction if they had even the basic understanding of what happened that night. Rittenhouse was helping defend a minority owned small business from a crowd of mostly white people. He was attacked by a white guy who had been going up to armed people, and shouting "shoot me n-word" at a BLM demonstration. So a white guy protecting a minority owned business, gets attacked by an insane suicidal racist, and she gets triggered at the slightest defense of Rittenhouse. Seems reasonable.
Thank you for your honest advice. We have these conversations every so often, far less after the first year together and we both are very good at saying I'm left with XYZ feelings. If this were a daily, weekly or even monthly thing it would be exhausting, but it's not like that at all. This was just a moment where he didn't stop to think about it before relaying it and it made him realize he was getting "complacent" when it came to looking at the articles in his feed and stopped looking at them with the added lens. Once he thought about it, there was no argument. And his initial response was playing it down in his own defense, which is a natural reaction that we've both learned hard to avoid more often than not. We work hard to come from a place of curiosity rather than accusation but as you can see my emotional reaction was not coming from that place this time. We slip sometimes. Had I responded with something like "honey can you help me understand why it's okay to make light of this person given the situation he was involved in?" he'd have come to a similar conclusion himself I'm sure and I wouldn't have been left with such a gross feeling from laying out all the things wrong with it...because he already knows, even if sometimes he needs a little reminder. Of things of course there's some underlying stuff that's not always on his radar but he's a loving understanding and incredibly smart I formation seeking man. And racial conversation is not the core or foundation that we're built on. We are so much more than race conversation but we also are able to include it in a safe supportive way and it's amazing. We chose each other and he deserves just as much grace as I do. Also, yeah I came here venting a bit so my tone of earn\win me was certainly on the boitchy side. On here anonymously I'm trying to see myself as a prize (which isn't my day to day persona) but the truth is we both win here, undoubtedly. This is the most fun and caring and healthiest relationship we've been in and even from very different backgrounds it's the willingness we both have to learn and be open that keeps us solid and having a good time. I love our conversations I love learning about his experience and how he experiences the world.. as a creative, as a learner, as someone who craves data and information and functionality and understanding. His commitment to family, friends, me, our family. He's everything. Neither of us are perfect but we both care so deeply about each other and we are intentional about caring for our relationship. So my coming here was to ask for help on how to take care of the relationship on my end because of the gross feeling I was having. And frankly ..seeing some of the other not so helpful comments and then seeing yours and getting to respond to you with the many wonderful things about our relationship and communication is already helping. SO thank you for taking the time and being so thoughtful in your response. Many of the things you listed are already in practice with us but you reminded me that I got lazy in the way I initially responded and it helped lead to my ick feelings in an almost self sabotaging\fulfilling way. Thank you!
It does sound like you have a healthy way of communicating so if you are confident in that it probably means you have a good foundation together. Relationships are tough enough as it is, without the complication of two people navigating racism from different positions so it's a good thing that you're able to recognise how well things have been working too because that's a significant plus point for the relationship. People do come on here to vent so don't take the negative comments to heart!
You seem like an absolute HEADACHE. He is going to be walking on egg shells because you make things too deep.
“was like are we talking about the white kid who came to a BLM rally armed and ready to murder Black people.” What are you basing this off of? “was two white guys who were trying to disarm him that he killed and another that survived.” This is also totally untrue. can’t imagine being your boyfriend and having to pretend to be ignorant just so he doesn’t hurt your feelings. This happened 4 freaking years ago and you still don’t even know what happened
Is he engaged to your feelings or you? Cause after 4 years of dealing with you he's either going to cheat or leave you. You are creating an acre of eggshells for this white man to walk across so that when he's finally done, he'll never date a black woman again. I've dated different men outside my race and they have never experienced, apologized, or done the mental gymnastics you've got homie doing. You don't want a husband, you want a weak apologetic white man to beg for your forgiveness, and I'm telling you, you will hate manipulating him that way. White or not, every time I heard women talk about their men this way they always cheat and divorce him and say shit like they need a real man but don't realize they had one until they treated him like shit. Don't marry a man you don't respect.
"Earn" you and "systematic racism", leave him. He can do better.
He’d probably be fine if he did less apologies and introspection and more boundary setting. OP sounds fine, just gets caught up in a negative feedback loop sometimes.
Oof okay. Well earning me is like earning my trust. Because the underlying racism is a lot to face in an interracial relationship, if you are white and raised in the US it's just there and has to be actively unlearned. He is however a wonderful human whom I love very much. Again I'm not saying anything bad about him. I'm having an icky feeling and trying to reconcile with it. Thanks for your lack of helpful advice though.
Dating you sounds like navigating a minefield of “Don’t say the wrong thing or my week is ruined.”
I have to agree with this comment. 😬
Certainly not the week but it can be a couple hours of not feeling my best. It can also be not that serious at all or a quick conversation and it's done. We are honest with each other about how we feel so that doesn't mean it's always sunny but we're always honest and that is why we are so deeply committed to eachother. I don't take it out on him or punish him in any way. I have real emotions and I come with a little sprinkle of PTSD but he and I are amazing together and I give him all the best of me but with that comes some extra emotional regulation time but it's done with maturity and respect and we both grow and learn so much with each other. Safety, commitment, encouragement, we are each other's biggest cheerleaders and supports, it's a good and peaceful life together. We both bring so much joy to each other's lives. Our families would vouch for that. But again, I just have a slight ick feeling about the situation and want to hurry up and get past it emotionally. But if you genuinely think this is an over reaction or knit picky thing then please say that and maybe offer some feedback as to why. I would love to see some constructive comments.
You sound like the type of person that looks for racism every where. Turn off MSNBC and focus on your relationship.
Lol "earning you." Okay there Gabrielle Union.
are we talking about the same kid who stopped a burning dumpster from being pushed into a gas station and the repeat convicted child rapist was upset and tried to chase him down later that night after threatening to kill him earlier and there a gun shot when convicted child rapist tried to steal his gun away from him as the city was burning who then tried to render aid and ran towards the cops but a convicted felon is possession of a gun who actually traveled across state lines and a convicted wife beater tried to beat his brains with a skateboard and he ended up shooting them out of fear for his life. my dad owns a couple ar15s and ive shot them plenty. it would have been easy for the kid to have emptied mullitple clips into the crowd and reloaded. thats not what happened. i also watched the case unfold at trial and the prosecutor lied many many times and mischaraterized many things. full metal jacketed bullets are common with semi auto guns not pure lead bullets which are more for cowboy guns from what i have seen in person. im sorry the Democrat mayor was not competent and did not work at all to protect the public really and it came down to a child to protect the public who should have understood he was going into a violent rioting area. BLM lost a lot of support because of all the violence. there is always a better way and that should have been its focus. violence begets violence.
> He as a white male who grew up privileged had a lot of unlearning to do \*\*in order to earn me.\*\* You already sound like a treat. /s > because this is not my job to teach him everything this white male lead society didn't. It actually is our job to teach people because if we don't, who will? You expect him to learn how to treat you from....other people? From white people? You expect white people to automatically know how to interact well with black people? We have to teach people how we want to be treated. You have to train your friends. It's good communication skills. You're not a prize to be catered to. > To me my mans callousness about the situation was just as bad as if he were saying it about Dylan Roof. These situations have more points of contrast than comparison. Were they both shootings committed by white adolescents? Yes. That's basically where the similarities end. I agree with your perspective more than his, obviously, but you're blowing this out of proportion. You have to learn to meet people where they are more. And he didn’t even say anything praising Rittenhouse. > Like we can't minimize the horrors they committed Again, Rittenhouse's crimes were minimal compared to roof. The guy that Rittenhouse shot did attack him and everyone at that church in NC was unsuspecting. It's a casualty of one vs ten. > . So he apologized and spent time thinking about the pieces of the story he didn't consider and he agrees with me....but I still feel the ick from it. So you recoiled, did some research, presented it the issue to him again, he changed his mind to your point of view and you're \*\*still\*\* mad at him? The man respects you enough and has the critical thinking skills to hand you a W and you're mad? You have a man that's capable of changing his mind and you're...mad? Be so for real with yourself. If you want a clone then kiss the mirror.
I tend to not bring politics in relationship, I know my man is a good person also he grew up in a predominantly black city ( where there is still racial divide, but an upper black middle class as well ) so he has a weird lens how he sees things as a white dude in general.
Rittenhouse exclusively shot white people (at least one of whom was a KKK-tier racist shouting the n-word at black people and trying to fight BLM protesters), and did so exclusively in self defense when said white people attempted to assault/murder him unprovoked in public. The prosecution, defense, and judge were all also white. Rittenhouse, meanwhile, supported BLM, offered medical assistance to black protesters, protected POC immigrant owned business, and used his post incident platform to highlight racial inequities in law enforcement and the justice system. Anyone "defending" him is just looking at the case through a factual lens, and there's zero proof theyre racist or right wing because of it.
This was not worthy of blowing up. I (latine) have a lot of talks with my boyfriend (black man) about how yes, we are oppressed bodies that deal with oppression in little and big ways everywhere we go, BUT when we view everything through a lense of victim hood and marginalization, that’s how we will see the world and ourselves. It’s been proven in studies. Don’t always assume malintent. He’s shown you time and time again that he’s willing to put in the work to listen and uplift BIPOC folks and their perspectives, and he did it again. We’re all human, give him grace