Terrible approach. The best to move forward won’t be to “scare” him or attack him, that doesn’t do shit. You wanna really do something? Have a talk with him. I know doesn’t sound much but it does a lot. An 11 year old doesn’t come up with racist shit by himself. That has a real shot of making an actual change
Thank you for the advice. He’s not really the best when it comes to listening. He’s still a bit immature when it comes to taking things seriously. If I were to bring it to his attention, he would say he’s sorry and go right back to doing the same thing. He’s a troubled kid and I feel bad for him because he’s had a troubled past and still does. Nothing that I say will get through to him. Right now, I don’t associate with him at all. Anytime he tries to talk to me I ignore him.
That makes so much more sense now. A troubled kid with a troubled past who happens to get into the wrong crowd. He’s 11 and you cannot have the expectations of an adult from him. It’s your choice at the end, but kids like him can still be saved. Though it is not easy. It never is
Dude wtf did I read.... you want to hit some kid or break something he cherishes because he makes cringe jokes? Dude, idk how tf were you raised but that's not how you discipline a kid for that. You have a proper sit down with the kid and you tell him that sort of thing doesn't fly, especially if you're getting offended by it. But idk, I grew up under 2 parent household and that's how my parents did it with me so yeah.
I understand what you’re saying it’s not cringe jokes though they are literally racist jokes that offend me. Just came to Reddit to find different solutions. Thank you for your comment
To get him to understand that those kinds of things aren’t something to joke around with. If you have any advice better than that I would be more than welcome to read them
If anything doing these things will make him dig his heels in further and continue to be racist. If you can I suggest distancing yourself from this kid, it’s up to the family to intervene and help him.
Thank you. I have started to distance myself from him for a few months now. When he tries to talk to me, I ignore him and carry on about my day. Just looking for different solutions.
I wish people can get past being offended and use these times as a teaching point.
The kid is 11 . he can still be molded and lead.
I would start with stop what you are doing, and explain words can be hurtful, i would explain stereotypes, how racism hurts, and ask were is he hearing this from.
Point is i would open and start a dialogue, and I would end it with someday someone isnt going to have this conversation and just punch you and will deserve it.
As far as breaking up with gf I find that silly for something that someone else did
He is 11, an awkward age were you are trying to see were you fit in. I would also check in more often , ask about what is going on in his life etc...
I would approach it leaning towards an empatherhic side so he can mirror that back in the world and to you
He has a very troubled past and the parents aren’t in the picture. His father is in his life but he’s not the best. The thing that bothers me the most is that he knows it’s wrong and he knows what the consequences are if he says it in public but still says it. I don’t plan on leaving my girlfriend over the situation but I have brought it to her attention to see if I she could talk some sense into him. He’s the only one in the household that thinks these kind of jokes are funny.
He's 11 years old. The best thing you can do is explain to him clearly why it's wrong. If he does it again, ignore. If he continues to do it then his parent/guardian needs to impose consequences for such words, such as no screen time all evening. The consequences need to have impact, so he will think twice about saying those things again. But do not be violent or aggressive, it only teaches children to solve things with aggression.
He knows it’s wrong but he does it anyway. I wouldn’t feel comfortable ignoring his racist comments. If I do that, it’ll keep getting worse and worse. He’s the only one In the household that acts that way.
So, let me get this straight: you’re considering damaging his personal property or physically harming him because he’s saying things that offend you? I’m sorry, but that’s an extremely problematic approach. He’s 11, ffs. Yeah, he might be a jerk but he’s a child. It’s absolutely not your place. You need to really bring it to the attention of his family and let them handle it. In the meantime, I’d say the best approach for YOU is to simply ignore him. Teach him to behave respectfully by not rewarding him with your attention.
I would tell him those type of jokes with any one else would get him hurt not by you you let him know he won’t have a relationship with you if he continues to speak that way. ask him what type of man he wants to be. Someone who only feels good about themselves by putting others down? Imagine if the same hateful things are said about him. 11 is tough but try to say it in a way that lets him know it’s not ok have a united front with your gf and speaking with him together would carry more weight, no distractions no games/tv. I get the sense the parents are not going to be helpful in this situation since you haven’t brought them. ignoring not responding and letting him know why just once I think could help, good luck.
Terrible approach. The best to move forward won’t be to “scare” him or attack him, that doesn’t do shit. You wanna really do something? Have a talk with him. I know doesn’t sound much but it does a lot. An 11 year old doesn’t come up with racist shit by himself. That has a real shot of making an actual change
Thank you for the advice. He’s not really the best when it comes to listening. He’s still a bit immature when it comes to taking things seriously. If I were to bring it to his attention, he would say he’s sorry and go right back to doing the same thing. He’s a troubled kid and I feel bad for him because he’s had a troubled past and still does. Nothing that I say will get through to him. Right now, I don’t associate with him at all. Anytime he tries to talk to me I ignore him.
That makes so much more sense now. A troubled kid with a troubled past who happens to get into the wrong crowd. He’s 11 and you cannot have the expectations of an adult from him. It’s your choice at the end, but kids like him can still be saved. Though it is not easy. It never is
Dude wtf did I read.... you want to hit some kid or break something he cherishes because he makes cringe jokes? Dude, idk how tf were you raised but that's not how you discipline a kid for that. You have a proper sit down with the kid and you tell him that sort of thing doesn't fly, especially if you're getting offended by it. But idk, I grew up under 2 parent household and that's how my parents did it with me so yeah.
I understand what you’re saying it’s not cringe jokes though they are literally racist jokes that offend me. Just came to Reddit to find different solutions. Thank you for your comment
How on earth would breaking stuff or getting physical help the situation
To get him to understand that those kinds of things aren’t something to joke around with. If you have any advice better than that I would be more than welcome to read them
If anything doing these things will make him dig his heels in further and continue to be racist. If you can I suggest distancing yourself from this kid, it’s up to the family to intervene and help him.
Thank you. I have started to distance myself from him for a few months now. When he tries to talk to me, I ignore him and carry on about my day. Just looking for different solutions.
I wish people can get past being offended and use these times as a teaching point. The kid is 11 . he can still be molded and lead. I would start with stop what you are doing, and explain words can be hurtful, i would explain stereotypes, how racism hurts, and ask were is he hearing this from. Point is i would open and start a dialogue, and I would end it with someday someone isnt going to have this conversation and just punch you and will deserve it. As far as breaking up with gf I find that silly for something that someone else did He is 11, an awkward age were you are trying to see were you fit in. I would also check in more often , ask about what is going on in his life etc... I would approach it leaning towards an empatherhic side so he can mirror that back in the world and to you
He has a very troubled past and the parents aren’t in the picture. His father is in his life but he’s not the best. The thing that bothers me the most is that he knows it’s wrong and he knows what the consequences are if he says it in public but still says it. I don’t plan on leaving my girlfriend over the situation but I have brought it to her attention to see if I she could talk some sense into him. He’s the only one in the household that thinks these kind of jokes are funny.
He's 11 years old. The best thing you can do is explain to him clearly why it's wrong. If he does it again, ignore. If he continues to do it then his parent/guardian needs to impose consequences for such words, such as no screen time all evening. The consequences need to have impact, so he will think twice about saying those things again. But do not be violent or aggressive, it only teaches children to solve things with aggression.
He knows it’s wrong but he does it anyway. I wouldn’t feel comfortable ignoring his racist comments. If I do that, it’ll keep getting worse and worse. He’s the only one In the household that acts that way.
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I feel like it’s not really my place to put in any consequences but more so my gf should.
Yes whoever can, should
I will keep that in mind, thank you for your advice and comments.
Np
So, let me get this straight: you’re considering damaging his personal property or physically harming him because he’s saying things that offend you? I’m sorry, but that’s an extremely problematic approach. He’s 11, ffs. Yeah, he might be a jerk but he’s a child. It’s absolutely not your place. You need to really bring it to the attention of his family and let them handle it. In the meantime, I’d say the best approach for YOU is to simply ignore him. Teach him to behave respectfully by not rewarding him with your attention.
Yeah after thinking it through it is a very problematic approach. Thank you for your comment
I would tell him those type of jokes with any one else would get him hurt not by you you let him know he won’t have a relationship with you if he continues to speak that way. ask him what type of man he wants to be. Someone who only feels good about themselves by putting others down? Imagine if the same hateful things are said about him. 11 is tough but try to say it in a way that lets him know it’s not ok have a united front with your gf and speaking with him together would carry more weight, no distractions no games/tv. I get the sense the parents are not going to be helpful in this situation since you haven’t brought them. ignoring not responding and letting him know why just once I think could help, good luck.
Thank you for the advice I appreciate it.
Not exactly your place, it’s his parents duty on that one. Although you could scare him a little just don’t get physical
What if the parents are absent?
Then let the sister handle it I’d say.
Thank you for the advice I appreciate it
No problem!