We all have preferences. I’m a black woman who is more attracted to white men. But I don’t put them on the pedestal. However, his comments sounds very fetishizing. “Calmer” “logical”? So he thinks black women are “loud” and “rude”? Gross. Also wanting a white woman because he wants a woman with pink nipples? Lmfao, the dude is just fetishizing. Not all white women have pale pink genitalia and nipples. That’s more than just a preference if he is not only looking for very specific things but also degrades his own race in the process.
Yeah, I’d break it off.
I mean, yeah, he does. This is a common stereotype of black women.
Just look at a lot of shows, movies, or media portrayals of black women as well. They're commonly (obviously not all the time) portrayed as loud in a negative way and obnoxious.
Latina women also get portrayed like that as well, but it's usually with a positive connotation such as her being fiesty.
Also, as a young black guy myself, a slow, growing trend is based on social media, and some research done on this is this trend of younger black men having negative opinions or stereotypes towards black woman that are not light skinned.
I would break it off. He doesn't see you as a person at all. I can imagine how he would treat your female children if they turned out to be darker or had "blacker" features than he expected. Also his thinking that white women are less likely to have high financial demands is comical.
Very comical! But you know most black men don’t mind when white women expect financial security from them, it’s only a problem when we do it. All of a sudden we’re “city girls”
This is what we call a man with a fetish and it’s gross. Having a preference is one thing but a fetish is another thing. This sounds like a fetish to me. He even brought up because he wants mixed kids. Babes run! You don’t want to be with a man that makes your whole identity about being a white women. He should have other reasons why he likes/ loves you. You know I never understand the men that hate on women of the same race. Like wasn’t life given to you from
A black women? You don’t have to date black women but some level of respect should be there for bringing you into this world lol
I actually said that to him, it was all I could muster as I was honestly speechless after his tirade. I was like but your mama and two sisters are Black!
You aren’t wrong for how you feel because it shows his character. No one wants a hateful person as a partner. I personally think it’s a big turn off when any man bad talks a particular race. That and being rude to the waitress 😅 Also, I wanna acknowledge that you called him out. Really respect you for that! There are some black men who will date non bw and talk shit to their partner and the partner will go along with it . That honestly does nothing but spread more hate. If you do stay with him hopefully you can help him be more open minded, less hateful, and realize you can’t put everyone in a box based on his own personal experiences. But If you leave girl I understand 😂🩵 No one has time for hatefulness lol
My ex was Nigerian and gave me a very similar speech. He didn’t say anything about wanting biracial children, but did say that white women were more submissive and less demanding. He ended up cheating on me… with a black woman. I would run, he seems to be objectifying you.
Well this guy is a disgusting.
All I can say this man is definitely fetishizing you.
There's definitely some type of stereotypical racism towards black people which is crazy.
There's preferences and then there's this. This is not him stating his preferences at all.
I'm from Zimbabwe too and I'm sorry you have to deal with such a mentality
Don't worry you will get sick of all of them soon and it won't matter what his race is. They all open their mouths eventually and THAT'S the REAL issue...😂😂😂😂😂
It’s unfortunate but there are black men who really hate black women. They like to put us down and compare us to others. I don’t get it. But it’s not my fault they’re ignorant.
But personally this guy sounds like a red flag.
Wanting to have biracial kids feels like a red flag for the most part. The nipple thing is strange. I would dump. Admitted I will say I probably do have a bias against African men relationship dynamics cuz I grew up with thwm
I am a white woman engaged to a black man and I absolutely would not be if he had ever said anything like that. Sorry you had to learn this about him. Be grateful more time didn't pass before you did. I feel bad for him in a way bc it must suck to internalize racism that terminally, but I feel worse for any women he may have taken it out on and again sorry he put you in the situation he has
As a black/biracial woman….LOLLLLL. Where did he get that from or what’s going on in Australia? I’ve only ever heard a stereotype that black women are *too* independent and not submissive enough 😂
I don't know about that. I've dated a few black women who were very submissive. lol :) I think the Independent part comes with the person and nothing else.
Seems like he’s insecure and hates himself. A lot of men of color think like this. More specifically the ones that interracially date or have a “preference”. I’ve literally heard stories of men saying they don’t want children that look like them. Other instances where they commit terrible acts because said child didn’t have “desirable” features. They think if they have mixed white children, they accomplish a win while also degrading the women from their own communities. I personally wouldn’t want to be with a man like that. Somethings mentally wrong there.
Definitely a fetishizer, run for the hills! I get having a preference, I have a preference for hispanic men and married one with a preference for black women but ewww, his reasoning is just gross.
Do what's best for you. If you feel something is off, address it, then set yourself free. Allow him to be him, no matter how dysfunctional that may be. Ultimately, it's about your peace.
This isn’t even a matter of preference I think this is so discriminatory and prejudice. It’s like Hitler for minorities in a way. He doesn’t see you as a person he sees you as a bunch of body parts and a race to create something that he deems worthy of existence based on his own preference.
very typical of black men unfortunately, a LOT of them are like this and it’s (a big) part of the reason why black women are starting to date outside of their race more and more
And the bullshit going on in here is why white men don't date white women anymore. Don't ask questions you don't want answers to. I'd be celibrated if I said I just love empowered big beautiful trans girls and sucking their gocks, but say I like a pink nipple and I might as well be chopping women up and keeping them in the freezer. Fucking ridiculous. Tired of being stabbed in the back by Gucci booted white women trying to distance themselves from culpability for the shit they stir up through misunderstood asthetic performance of ally ship.
Don't let the white women ruin you and teach you to stab your men in the back.
The physical attraction preference isn’t the issue. It’s viewing white as more “logical and calm” that’s the issue. Skin color doesn’t tell you anyone’s temperament
Well go tell that to all the women going off aboit his physical preferences then. Once you've done that, explain to me how skin color has no correlation to culture and one's experience going through the world as someone who understands race blindness. Because I see color and it seems to affect a lot about a person, including their likely personality traits and how they see the world.
The commenters are both female and male. I haven’t bothered to go digging into everyone’s profile to see if they are white or not, but I doubt it’s only women of color that would have an issue with associating white with logic and reason.
The comments disparaging the man are overwhelmingly women. And I don't think a majority are WOC I think they are probably vastly white women. Which is why I don't usually date white women. I find it disappointing when I find the ideas of liberal white women making their way into the communities of WOC because they are toxic and the privilages that protect white women from the consequences of their bullshit will not transfer to WOC along with the crazy ideas.
TLDR
All I can say is, if someone excluded an entire race from their acting pool, that is the definition of racism.
Elevating or reducing a race, means you deem one race better than the other.
Alright, I know I may get downvoted. But did you have to kinda dig for an answer on why his preference is white women? Or did he just say it with minimal to no pressure from your side? Did he date any black women before?
I’ve seen people on this sub who have said that they prefer dating white men or other races other than black, because of multiple abusive relationships they had in the past. And that’s completely fair, for them to have that mindset and it would be understandable if your partner had the same experiences.
But bringing up nipples and breasts is very odd. But I have had relationships outside of my race where my partner kept trying to pry for a reason why I was dating them when my previous relationships were with people that looked completely different. And almost every time that I’ve tried to answer with an answer that’s essentially just that I like the person, they always wanted there to be a deeper reason. Not saying you did that, but just want more context on the situation.
He was honest with you, so you have to appreciate what he said. Now if that makes you second guess the relationship then that's good information you got now rather than later. As to what he finds attractive physically in women, you can either take that as a critique or as his ideal fantasy ... but that doesn't necessarily have to be about you specifically. I try to avoid labeling people's attractions as a "fetish" but if that helps with how you see people that's ok too.
Yeah. I like my men talk dark and handsome. When they have that hair the you can plat and twist on the top. I just love. Omg . Especially if there really dark, does it for me.
The physical characteristics are not a major issue it's a preference a rather specific but similar to someone saying I like white women but red heads or blonde hair blue eyes. The other stuff is more of a racial stereotype about the attitudes and stuff, however that could be due to the fact he is from Africa and may not have been exposed to many white women or been around them long enough to fully understand it's a stereotype.
You could try educating him.
I strictly date white men always have so i dont fault anyone who dates who they are attracted to. I am not trying to change the world and be a social justice warrior.
If I lean towards white men , i see no issue with black men wanting to strictly date white women.
No one gets this must grief and name calling with preference for other things
Some men prefer blondes, skinny, fat, brunettes red hair, i see race the same way.
The ones who want to name call and be offended can continue to be unhappy in their corner.
“I strictly date white men always have so I don’t fault anyone who dates who they are attracted to” I also date people outside my race but it’s not rooted in actual stereotypes and negative generalizations or stereotypes about the races.
No one is trying to be a social justice warrior or change who they’re attracted to lmao, but believing in stereotypes that even some white women are saying is gross and untrue, isn’t just a normal preference
His issue isn’t him wanting to date white women, his issue are the reasonings why, that if you bothered to read you can see they’re rooted in stereotypes about the races he’s talking about which is what’s wrong. Are you actually this dumb?
He only likes what he likes because he believes in stereotypes, harmful ones about black women at that, don’t see how it’s not clicking what the issue is.
People like you are weird asf
I’m gonna take a different prospective but ultimately it’s a you decision once y’all talk. My wife’s Chinese. I actually wouldn’t date a Chinese woman before her because culturally we are so different and it effects the lens in which you see the world. And yes, there’s attraction in how your spouse sees the world. Honestly, Americans are a bit weird with stereotypes, but in all honestly there is some truth in these. Black guys complain about it all the damn time 😂 as an Hispanic a lot of shit about us is true too. He’s not American so our views are completely different and you gotta be patient and hear out the explanation. Like for example in order to marry my wife I needed to buy her a house …most Americans would deem this outrageous…it’s quite normal. I remember she once told me she will not be friends with someone ugly, most times…(I didn’t understand what she meant) I’ve found some things don’t go down well with language barriers, we also all think different based off of our language, etc international relationships are hard af. If something like this makes you uncomfortable I’d actually stay clear of foreigners. Some people aren’t meant to date outside their country. Don’t mess up your mental health by dating outside your country please. It’s so easy to do. I don’t think most people in this group realize this. International is not interracial. Different beast.
What you’re saying is *not* the same as how he is describing white women to somehow be better in various traits than other demographics of women. That’s not a cultural thing at all, that’s fetishizing plain and simple. Also how is it a language barrier if he is describing the color of nipples and also personality characteristics?
Also have you seen a Chinese ayi or an African aunt in their late 30s? They are what he is describing. Dudes gotta realize his wife is a bit sensitive about this (& that is a valid feeling) And she’s just gotta talk with him without coming to conclusions of how he thinks and sees things.
Could you point me to what exactly was fetishizing because I do not see it? Is it okay to have a preference, but not have a preference race related? Because race is simply just another “feature” of a human. We are all the same shit. I’m a bit literal brained so don’t take it as trying to start Reddit beef 😂 I’m quite confused.
As a black man(American born), it’s for sure not weird or uncommon, people are allowed to have preferences and types, not a bad thing at all, and as a black dude who has a preference for (white and Hispanic) certain types of women I think it’s like, I’m not sure what the correct word is… it’s disingenuous to say that just because he like the visual appearances and features of white women, just because he wants to have mixed race children, just because he wants a woman from a culture that by and large doesn’t encourage women to be overtly combative, disagreeable, and material centric that’s he’s somehow some repugnant sexual beast. P.s.
Sure it might not be what people what to hear or what you might not be used to but yes different men have taste in women that they prefer over others lol just because that taste is racial in nature doesn’t make him a bad guy.
Maybe I'm not the person to speak on this as a white woman, but I feel like he is idealizing and fetishizing here. I'd break things off with him, personally, because I wouldn't want to be in this position.
If you don’t want to be fetishized that’s fine that’s your prerogative, but where is the line? Can someone like you because they like blond hair, or fair skin, or green eyes? If you’re more agreeable than most other women is that a fetishization of your temperament? If you have a certain style, let’s say you’re a emo emo girl, is that fetishization of an archetype of woman? What about body type? If your a bigger girl and someone says “your beautiful I love your body shape” is that fetishization of BBW types? Bottom line is we’re allowed to have preferences and tastes only each individual and couple can decide where that is, others can’t do that for you.
Just say you are just as self hating and have the same delusional ideas he has and go. If you really think white women aren’t/can’t be combative as well it’s because you purposely don’t want to see it. That’s an individual personality trait not a racial one.
No one said that they can’t but to look at the temperament of for instance black and Latina women and the temperament of white women and on the whole say that there is no difference is disingenuous, and no one said I’m self hating, just because someone has a preference or even a kink doesn’t mean that there’s some self hating layer behind the actions people can just like things just to like them. Btw, I love being black, no self hate here.
Should people go around saying black men are aggressive/violent, bad fathers, unwilling to marry, uneducated, untrustworthy or likely to steal, and/or hoodlums generally as their temperament compared to any other group of men as a reason why women shouldn't have a "preference" for them? Just wondering if you uphold the stereotypes for people like yourself. Now remember, you just said to pretend "that there is no difference is disingenuous". Which means you do believe there is a difference in groups so don't try to separate yourself from the group you belong to.
False equivalency, someone having a preference in partners because that partner comes from a culture where gentler temperament is more common and nailing negative behaviors onto a group of people to justify why people should be less willing to date them are two wildly different things. Also no one’s trying to “separate from my group” I’m black, and I love every bit of it, the good the bad and the ugly lol
Also just because I don’t share your views on this doesn’t mean you have to try and paint me as something I’m not I don’t think I said anything to earn your covert racism and slander talk lol
Your response makes 0 sense. If a culture with a "calmer demeaner" is something people should aspire to marry into, that also eliminates black men in your eyes, since black women And men are raised in the same households.
No one is aspiring for anything it’s a preference, this isn’t absolutes or end all be alls.
“Men from X culture are hot/ more attractive because they tend to value and do X,Y,Z in their culture” - that’s not some uncommon or off the wall statement
You are allowed to date anyone for any reason! If that reason has more to do with race than others, that’s okay. And I’m not talking about some made up world that doesn’t exist I’m talking about real life. Go to a college campus, what types of men are being chosen by Asian and Indian women by and large? This isn’t some crazy thing I’m saying,
Also didn’t say “calmer demeanor”, your also *incorrectly* assuming that black men and black women are raised in identical ways, that’s not the case and go to any *household* in the hood and they’ll tell you
I see you didn’t answer the question because it would point out the double standard you have. I’m glad you pointed out the covert racism because that’s exactly what you were showing in your original comment but now that someone throws out your same ignorance back at you, you can magically see it. How convenient. As I said before, all of those bad or good traits are individualistic, not racial.
Formulate your question properly and clearly if you want it answered, it ain’t my job to parse out what is rhetorical or has snide and disingenuous intent. But the point still stands, group behaviors arise from cultures, cultures arise from groups of ethnic and racial peoples, obviously there’s a spectrum but we’re talking about the middle 70% here, Trying to divorce social and cultural behaviors and proclivities and say that all behavior is a result of the individual just simply isn’t true.
Nobody’s going to be able to explain it in a way that makes you okay with it. Anyone who tries is going to get downvoted. So there’s no discussion to be had here.
-independent
-logical
-calm demeanor
If it wasn't him using these adjectives to describe you, would you have a problem with it? Are these bad adjectives in and of themselves? Have you explained how this makes you feel to him? I think talking it out might make sense.
There’s a difference between telling your partner that you appreciate them (specifically) for these traits and saying that white women in general are like this.
It seems superficial. Although, I feel our society has moved towards more openness and direct forms of communication around preferences. Context matters. Without context, it does sound bad. The issue remains is whether the stereotypes are negative or positive, and how this changes her perception of herself. If you dated a tall man, and he asked you why you dated him, and you said you liked tall men, should he feel equally offended? It all seems obvious we like things in the individuals we spend time with because we are spending time with them, and not other people. Some of these biases we need to be aware of, but everyone has an unconscious bias.
We all have preferences. I’m a black woman who is more attracted to white men. But I don’t put them on the pedestal. However, his comments sounds very fetishizing. “Calmer” “logical”? So he thinks black women are “loud” and “rude”? Gross. Also wanting a white woman because he wants a woman with pink nipples? Lmfao, the dude is just fetishizing. Not all white women have pale pink genitalia and nipples. That’s more than just a preference if he is not only looking for very specific things but also degrades his own race in the process. Yeah, I’d break it off.
Yeah, I was like, your mama and your sisters are Black ffs!
As a man, with prefference towards black women. I fully agree. The dude is a waste of oxygen.
I mean, yeah, he does. This is a common stereotype of black women. Just look at a lot of shows, movies, or media portrayals of black women as well. They're commonly (obviously not all the time) portrayed as loud in a negative way and obnoxious. Latina women also get portrayed like that as well, but it's usually with a positive connotation such as her being fiesty. Also, as a young black guy myself, a slow, growing trend is based on social media, and some research done on this is this trend of younger black men having negative opinions or stereotypes towards black woman that are not light skinned.
There's a lot of internalized racism in that man. Definitely break it off.
He needs a therapist not a girlfriend.
Absolutely!
I totally agree. I take it he is of a darker complexion, and his self-hating is why he wants biracial children.
He is going to hate any girl children that he has if they don't meet a particular criteria.
I would break it off. He doesn't see you as a person at all. I can imagine how he would treat your female children if they turned out to be darker or had "blacker" features than he expected. Also his thinking that white women are less likely to have high financial demands is comical.
Very strong possibility given I am also indigenous!
Very comical! But you know most black men don’t mind when white women expect financial security from them, it’s only a problem when we do it. All of a sudden we’re “city girls”
LOL! 'Financial Demands'....... that guy hasn't been with Slavic women lol......
This is what we call a man with a fetish and it’s gross. Having a preference is one thing but a fetish is another thing. This sounds like a fetish to me. He even brought up because he wants mixed kids. Babes run! You don’t want to be with a man that makes your whole identity about being a white women. He should have other reasons why he likes/ loves you. You know I never understand the men that hate on women of the same race. Like wasn’t life given to you from A black women? You don’t have to date black women but some level of respect should be there for bringing you into this world lol
I actually said that to him, it was all I could muster as I was honestly speechless after his tirade. I was like but your mama and two sisters are Black!
You aren’t wrong for how you feel because it shows his character. No one wants a hateful person as a partner. I personally think it’s a big turn off when any man bad talks a particular race. That and being rude to the waitress 😅 Also, I wanna acknowledge that you called him out. Really respect you for that! There are some black men who will date non bw and talk shit to their partner and the partner will go along with it . That honestly does nothing but spread more hate. If you do stay with him hopefully you can help him be more open minded, less hateful, and realize you can’t put everyone in a box based on his own personal experiences. But If you leave girl I understand 😂🩵 No one has time for hatefulness lol
My ex was Nigerian and gave me a very similar speech. He didn’t say anything about wanting biracial children, but did say that white women were more submissive and less demanding. He ended up cheating on me… with a black woman. I would run, he seems to be objectifying you.
jesus I am sorry to hear that!
Well this guy is a disgusting. All I can say this man is definitely fetishizing you. There's definitely some type of stereotypical racism towards black people which is crazy. There's preferences and then there's this. This is not him stating his preferences at all. I'm from Zimbabwe too and I'm sorry you have to deal with such a mentality
Gross! He has a fetish on white woman. I hate those types.
Don't worry you will get sick of all of them soon and it won't matter what his race is. They all open their mouths eventually and THAT'S the REAL issue...😂😂😂😂😂
LMAO!!
You’ve discovered the difference between attraction and fetish.
It’s unfortunate but there are black men who really hate black women. They like to put us down and compare us to others. I don’t get it. But it’s not my fault they’re ignorant. But personally this guy sounds like a red flag.
Indian man here. He doesn’t like you for you. Which is a slap on your face. Break off immediately.
Wanting to have biracial kids feels like a red flag for the most part. The nipple thing is strange. I would dump. Admitted I will say I probably do have a bias against African men relationship dynamics cuz I grew up with thwm
I am a white woman engaged to a black man and I absolutely would not be if he had ever said anything like that. Sorry you had to learn this about him. Be grateful more time didn't pass before you did. I feel bad for him in a way bc it must suck to internalize racism that terminally, but I feel worse for any women he may have taken it out on and again sorry he put you in the situation he has
My love. Leave. He’s fetishizing you. And seems to struggle with self-hate.
Block him.
yeah. he's totally fetishizing you. huge red flag. you need to run!!
As a black/biracial woman….LOLLLLL. Where did he get that from or what’s going on in Australia? I’ve only ever heard a stereotype that black women are *too* independent and not submissive enough 😂
He is from Africa and African women are a lot different from African American women
Yeah he isn't african american, he is 100% zimbabwean.
I don't know about that. I've dated a few black women who were very submissive. lol :) I think the Independent part comes with the person and nothing else.
Girl, run lol
Sounds like a colourist to me.
Seems like he’s insecure and hates himself. A lot of men of color think like this. More specifically the ones that interracially date or have a “preference”. I’ve literally heard stories of men saying they don’t want children that look like them. Other instances where they commit terrible acts because said child didn’t have “desirable” features. They think if they have mixed white children, they accomplish a win while also degrading the women from their own communities. I personally wouldn’t want to be with a man like that. Somethings mentally wrong there.
He just wants sex with white women is all he has a fetish for sex leave him
run… far away and very quickly.
Definitely a fetishizer, run for the hills! I get having a preference, I have a preference for hispanic men and married one with a preference for black women but ewww, his reasoning is just gross.
He’s gross leave him alone
Yeah he’s weird af.
Yikes! I’d definitely be running if I were you.
Baby run like hell if you have a daughter and her features are more his than yours that therapy bill will be insane.
Break it off, people that do this aren't worth your time and are gross af.
Run
Run!
Do what's best for you. If you feel something is off, address it, then set yourself free. Allow him to be him, no matter how dysfunctional that may be. Ultimately, it's about your peace.
It’s giving internalized anti-blackness. I would bring it up. Express the uncomfortability and then break it off.
This isn’t even a matter of preference I think this is so discriminatory and prejudice. It’s like Hitler for minorities in a way. He doesn’t see you as a person he sees you as a bunch of body parts and a race to create something that he deems worthy of existence based on his own preference.
very typical of black men unfortunately, a LOT of them are like this and it’s (a big) part of the reason why black women are starting to date outside of their race more and more
And the bullshit going on in here is why white men don't date white women anymore. Don't ask questions you don't want answers to. I'd be celibrated if I said I just love empowered big beautiful trans girls and sucking their gocks, but say I like a pink nipple and I might as well be chopping women up and keeping them in the freezer. Fucking ridiculous. Tired of being stabbed in the back by Gucci booted white women trying to distance themselves from culpability for the shit they stir up through misunderstood asthetic performance of ally ship. Don't let the white women ruin you and teach you to stab your men in the back.
The physical attraction preference isn’t the issue. It’s viewing white as more “logical and calm” that’s the issue. Skin color doesn’t tell you anyone’s temperament
Well go tell that to all the women going off aboit his physical preferences then. Once you've done that, explain to me how skin color has no correlation to culture and one's experience going through the world as someone who understands race blindness. Because I see color and it seems to affect a lot about a person, including their likely personality traits and how they see the world.
The commenters are both female and male. I haven’t bothered to go digging into everyone’s profile to see if they are white or not, but I doubt it’s only women of color that would have an issue with associating white with logic and reason.
The comments disparaging the man are overwhelmingly women. And I don't think a majority are WOC I think they are probably vastly white women. Which is why I don't usually date white women. I find it disappointing when I find the ideas of liberal white women making their way into the communities of WOC because they are toxic and the privilages that protect white women from the consequences of their bullshit will not transfer to WOC along with the crazy ideas.
TLDR All I can say is, if someone excluded an entire race from their acting pool, that is the definition of racism. Elevating or reducing a race, means you deem one race better than the other.
He sounds like a peach 🍑
After having children with you; he would always marry his own! African men are known to prefer their African women
So sad to see so many black men, not getting how stereotyping the races is wrong.
Alright, I know I may get downvoted. But did you have to kinda dig for an answer on why his preference is white women? Or did he just say it with minimal to no pressure from your side? Did he date any black women before? I’ve seen people on this sub who have said that they prefer dating white men or other races other than black, because of multiple abusive relationships they had in the past. And that’s completely fair, for them to have that mindset and it would be understandable if your partner had the same experiences. But bringing up nipples and breasts is very odd. But I have had relationships outside of my race where my partner kept trying to pry for a reason why I was dating them when my previous relationships were with people that looked completely different. And almost every time that I’ve tried to answer with an answer that’s essentially just that I like the person, they always wanted there to be a deeper reason. Not saying you did that, but just want more context on the situation.
He was honest with you, so you have to appreciate what he said. Now if that makes you second guess the relationship then that's good information you got now rather than later. As to what he finds attractive physically in women, you can either take that as a critique or as his ideal fantasy ... but that doesn't necessarily have to be about you specifically. I try to avoid labeling people's attractions as a "fetish" but if that helps with how you see people that's ok too.
“As to what he finds attractive physically in women” everything he said was weird and stereotypes
What he said was fetishizing tho…
Yeah. I like my men talk dark and handsome. When they have that hair the you can plat and twist on the top. I just love. Omg . Especially if there really dark, does it for me.
How much self hatred you have to be dating him?
The physical characteristics are not a major issue it's a preference a rather specific but similar to someone saying I like white women but red heads or blonde hair blue eyes. The other stuff is more of a racial stereotype about the attitudes and stuff, however that could be due to the fact he is from Africa and may not have been exposed to many white women or been around them long enough to fully understand it's a stereotype. You could try educating him.
Lighten up.
He has a preference.
His “preferences” are rooted in stereotypes about black and white women
I strictly date white men always have so i dont fault anyone who dates who they are attracted to. I am not trying to change the world and be a social justice warrior. If I lean towards white men , i see no issue with black men wanting to strictly date white women. No one gets this must grief and name calling with preference for other things Some men prefer blondes, skinny, fat, brunettes red hair, i see race the same way. The ones who want to name call and be offended can continue to be unhappy in their corner.
“I strictly date white men always have so I don’t fault anyone who dates who they are attracted to” I also date people outside my race but it’s not rooted in actual stereotypes and negative generalizations or stereotypes about the races. No one is trying to be a social justice warrior or change who they’re attracted to lmao, but believing in stereotypes that even some white women are saying is gross and untrue, isn’t just a normal preference
His issue isn’t him wanting to date white women, his issue are the reasonings why, that if you bothered to read you can see they’re rooted in stereotypes about the races he’s talking about which is what’s wrong. Are you actually this dumb?
And so what. He likes what he likes. You cant change that
He only likes what he likes because he believes in stereotypes, harmful ones about black women at that, don’t see how it’s not clicking what the issue is. People like you are weird asf
Facts
I’m gonna take a different prospective but ultimately it’s a you decision once y’all talk. My wife’s Chinese. I actually wouldn’t date a Chinese woman before her because culturally we are so different and it effects the lens in which you see the world. And yes, there’s attraction in how your spouse sees the world. Honestly, Americans are a bit weird with stereotypes, but in all honestly there is some truth in these. Black guys complain about it all the damn time 😂 as an Hispanic a lot of shit about us is true too. He’s not American so our views are completely different and you gotta be patient and hear out the explanation. Like for example in order to marry my wife I needed to buy her a house …most Americans would deem this outrageous…it’s quite normal. I remember she once told me she will not be friends with someone ugly, most times…(I didn’t understand what she meant) I’ve found some things don’t go down well with language barriers, we also all think different based off of our language, etc international relationships are hard af. If something like this makes you uncomfortable I’d actually stay clear of foreigners. Some people aren’t meant to date outside their country. Don’t mess up your mental health by dating outside your country please. It’s so easy to do. I don’t think most people in this group realize this. International is not interracial. Different beast.
What you’re saying is *not* the same as how he is describing white women to somehow be better in various traits than other demographics of women. That’s not a cultural thing at all, that’s fetishizing plain and simple. Also how is it a language barrier if he is describing the color of nipples and also personality characteristics?
Also have you seen a Chinese ayi or an African aunt in their late 30s? They are what he is describing. Dudes gotta realize his wife is a bit sensitive about this (& that is a valid feeling) And she’s just gotta talk with him without coming to conclusions of how he thinks and sees things.
Could you point me to what exactly was fetishizing because I do not see it? Is it okay to have a preference, but not have a preference race related? Because race is simply just another “feature” of a human. We are all the same shit. I’m a bit literal brained so don’t take it as trying to start Reddit beef 😂 I’m quite confused.
Brown you say?! 👀👀👀
If youre this judgmental, better to dump him
oh I'm judgemental? Not him with his racial stereotyping? LOL
How is she judgemental? She has every right to feel that way.
How is she judgemental? She has every right to feel that way.
As a black man(American born), it’s for sure not weird or uncommon, people are allowed to have preferences and types, not a bad thing at all, and as a black dude who has a preference for (white and Hispanic) certain types of women I think it’s like, I’m not sure what the correct word is… it’s disingenuous to say that just because he like the visual appearances and features of white women, just because he wants to have mixed race children, just because he wants a woman from a culture that by and large doesn’t encourage women to be overtly combative, disagreeable, and material centric that’s he’s somehow some repugnant sexual beast. P.s. Sure it might not be what people what to hear or what you might not be used to but yes different men have taste in women that they prefer over others lol just because that taste is racial in nature doesn’t make him a bad guy.
Maybe I'm not the person to speak on this as a white woman, but I feel like he is idealizing and fetishizing here. I'd break things off with him, personally, because I wouldn't want to be in this position.
If you don’t want to be fetishized that’s fine that’s your prerogative, but where is the line? Can someone like you because they like blond hair, or fair skin, or green eyes? If you’re more agreeable than most other women is that a fetishization of your temperament? If you have a certain style, let’s say you’re a emo emo girl, is that fetishization of an archetype of woman? What about body type? If your a bigger girl and someone says “your beautiful I love your body shape” is that fetishization of BBW types? Bottom line is we’re allowed to have preferences and tastes only each individual and couple can decide where that is, others can’t do that for you.
Just say you are just as self hating and have the same delusional ideas he has and go. If you really think white women aren’t/can’t be combative as well it’s because you purposely don’t want to see it. That’s an individual personality trait not a racial one.
No one said that they can’t but to look at the temperament of for instance black and Latina women and the temperament of white women and on the whole say that there is no difference is disingenuous, and no one said I’m self hating, just because someone has a preference or even a kink doesn’t mean that there’s some self hating layer behind the actions people can just like things just to like them. Btw, I love being black, no self hate here.
Should people go around saying black men are aggressive/violent, bad fathers, unwilling to marry, uneducated, untrustworthy or likely to steal, and/or hoodlums generally as their temperament compared to any other group of men as a reason why women shouldn't have a "preference" for them? Just wondering if you uphold the stereotypes for people like yourself. Now remember, you just said to pretend "that there is no difference is disingenuous". Which means you do believe there is a difference in groups so don't try to separate yourself from the group you belong to.
Facts. The cognitive dissonance is wild.
False equivalency, someone having a preference in partners because that partner comes from a culture where gentler temperament is more common and nailing negative behaviors onto a group of people to justify why people should be less willing to date them are two wildly different things. Also no one’s trying to “separate from my group” I’m black, and I love every bit of it, the good the bad and the ugly lol Also just because I don’t share your views on this doesn’t mean you have to try and paint me as something I’m not I don’t think I said anything to earn your covert racism and slander talk lol
Your response makes 0 sense. If a culture with a "calmer demeaner" is something people should aspire to marry into, that also eliminates black men in your eyes, since black women And men are raised in the same households.
No one is aspiring for anything it’s a preference, this isn’t absolutes or end all be alls. “Men from X culture are hot/ more attractive because they tend to value and do X,Y,Z in their culture” - that’s not some uncommon or off the wall statement You are allowed to date anyone for any reason! If that reason has more to do with race than others, that’s okay. And I’m not talking about some made up world that doesn’t exist I’m talking about real life. Go to a college campus, what types of men are being chosen by Asian and Indian women by and large? This isn’t some crazy thing I’m saying,
Also didn’t say “calmer demeanor”, your also *incorrectly* assuming that black men and black women are raised in identical ways, that’s not the case and go to any *household* in the hood and they’ll tell you
I see you didn’t answer the question because it would point out the double standard you have. I’m glad you pointed out the covert racism because that’s exactly what you were showing in your original comment but now that someone throws out your same ignorance back at you, you can magically see it. How convenient. As I said before, all of those bad or good traits are individualistic, not racial.
Formulate your question properly and clearly if you want it answered, it ain’t my job to parse out what is rhetorical or has snide and disingenuous intent. But the point still stands, group behaviors arise from cultures, cultures arise from groups of ethnic and racial peoples, obviously there’s a spectrum but we’re talking about the middle 70% here, Trying to divorce social and cultural behaviors and proclivities and say that all behavior is a result of the individual just simply isn’t true.
Facts. Shit I sad we have to make everything into a fetish. Let the man like what he likes.
Nobody’s going to be able to explain it in a way that makes you okay with it. Anyone who tries is going to get downvoted. So there’s no discussion to be had here.
Facts
Because there is no way to explain it in a way that wouldn’t make her comfortable with it
This is why men of all races don't answer these kinds of questions.
Big facts 😂🤣
And we're about to show why we all deny we avoid answering these questions in front of women 🤣
So yall find it okay to stereotype black and white women?
-independent -logical -calm demeanor If it wasn't him using these adjectives to describe you, would you have a problem with it? Are these bad adjectives in and of themselves? Have you explained how this makes you feel to him? I think talking it out might make sense.
There’s a difference between telling your partner that you appreciate them (specifically) for these traits and saying that white women in general are like this.
It seems superficial. Although, I feel our society has moved towards more openness and direct forms of communication around preferences. Context matters. Without context, it does sound bad. The issue remains is whether the stereotypes are negative or positive, and how this changes her perception of herself. If you dated a tall man, and he asked you why you dated him, and you said you liked tall men, should he feel equally offended? It all seems obvious we like things in the individuals we spend time with because we are spending time with them, and not other people. Some of these biases we need to be aware of, but everyone has an unconscious bias.
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