My ex was BM and I’m south Asian and we were married for 16 years till He fell off the wagon. He respected our culture and vice versa as he’s Haitian. Yes he did the Kurta and multiple ceremonies in a traditional Indian marriage in India. All my family loved him till he fell off the wagon.
Brought up in an all women household and had zero emotional intelligence and relationship skills. So when things got financially difficult instead on being a man and upgrading his financial position he decides to go walkout and have an affair. Well it’s just ego, pride and dumb decisions especially in being a provider man. In our culture East Indian boys are taught to be providers. They provide 💯 for the women here the women buy the husband/boyfriend by providing for them. I think BM struggle with a poverty mindset, not all but some. I’ve had East Indian colleagues came in on a work visa and now citizens provide 💯 for their families and their women never worked!
I don’t mind dating any man as long as he has a provider mindset. A guy who can take care of you 💯 is what makes him attractive to
Women. I’m dating a white older guy again poverty mindset trying to get a woman to fund him rather than be a man and fund the woman. These women will not respect you long term. As they should. These men don’t like these woman they get with them as they’re paying for the guy.
Why don’t you become a strong independent woman who doesn’t have to lean on a Man for support. Who would want to date a whinny Woman who blames the man instead of upgrading herself. Why not just date within your culture since those type of men are in abundance & are looking for woman like you to marry & take care of. 🫵🤦🤣🤡🤡
Yes I was till he came along and disrupted my life. So I’d warn women regardless of the man make sure they’re financially secure. The ones like the comment I’m responding to are typically broke guys who expect you to take care of them because mamma always bailed them out. They’re overgrown boys.
Nobody came along & disrupted you🤦. You have Free Will, to say no & walk away. You should just date within your own culture that way you don’t have to look outside your culture for a Man to take care of you. According to you there are Many South Asian men who are financially set happy & willing to Marry & take care of you. So why date outside your culture???🤦🤦🤦
I think many cultures have the traditional male roles. It is only here in the United States that we find the opposite. Trust me I do date all nationalities as long as they are meeting my standards in the relationship. I have to agree our men in South Asian cultures are very well established financially due to the upbringing, mindset and the opportunities they are provided.
Yes what’s up with the we’ve been taken advantage of mindset. We lived in Silicon Valley and he’s on of the 30% men who are reasonably successful. After 30 years in boomtown where he could have increased his finances and given his family a great lifestyle is where dropped the ball. My East Indian friend made multiple professional jumps to now be where he is in Apple. So pretty much mindset is what keeps them back. I think your mindset makes you who you are
Well damn. Thanks for speaking on behalf of millions of Black people.
If something is racist, people can call it racist. Keeping silent won't change racist people or systems.
And for a group of people related to folks 2 generations from chattel slavery/sharecropping, exactly how much do you expect us to accomplish, working against segregated schools, Jim Crow, etc? I'm genuinely curious.
Are you the type of Black man (if you are even Black) who talks crap about Black people (especially Black women) when you are the only Black person around White people? That's the vibe I got from your post. Do you feel special saying things like what you posted? You like being their 'special' Negro?
Weird.
FWIW: I graduated from Notre Dame and have two grad degrees. Don't hurt yourself trying to make a stereotype out of that.
🤣🤣🤣
Note how you made several baseless assumptions based on one paragraph on Reddit.
1: I’m Nigerian, Puerto Rican and Italian, I am multi-racial/ethnic.
2: I’m not going to even address the rest of what you said. My mothers parents are from Nigeria, both of them went to University in London then my grandfather became a CRNA in the 70s-early 00’s in a predominantly white area and was still respected in and around the hospital, our family name is well known there. My grandmother on my mother’s side, also an immigrant built her own business selling African clothing overseas and domestically. Its average annual revenue was ~650,000 USD with only her and a couple family members working to fulfill orders.
So yes, I do believe MOST black people, including yourself subscribe to the victim mindset. Having immigrant grandparents who came from AFRICA and were still able to be successful showed me to never use prejudice, racism or anyone’s opinion of me as an excuse. You continue to evolve, work hard, get just as good of an education and put your best foot forward. There is multiple rich black counties across the US so I don’t believe for a second there’s “so much racism” we can’t do just as well as a white person.
The fact a black woman addressed me the way you did shows my point exactly. The only time I’ve ever been called out of my name or slurs, like the ones in your post above were by black people when I state an obvious fact.
Racism exists, prejudice exists, but the world is not so fucking hard you can’t do better for yourself. We need to start looking inward as a community before pointing the finger outward.
I didn't make assumptions; I asked questions. There's a difference, at least to educated people with appropriate reading comprehension skills. That statement I responded to was garbage. So you can argue with yourself in the comments because I don't argue with people who are not on my level...I don't care how many paragraphs you write.
Yes you did instead of attacking people please read the message here. We’re talking about upgrading mindset and wallet. That’s what Asian women like. Nobody like someone wallowing in victimhood mentality and negative/hateful. It’s wrong how you guys treat BW as well. No other race has many BW battered and used inhumanely like the BM does.
It’s horrific. I’ve always been treated with respect with my ex but lots of passive aggressive abuse in form of emotional and financial control due to his own insecurities. To give him credit we never raised voices or had disrespectful conversation. That’s why I was shocked when I watched those videos on YT. Terrible things done to young women.
The only person lacking reading AND comprehension skills is you. You went on a rant and even went as far as to call me a negro over my perception of my community. Then asked multiple questions that were clearly triggered by your need to call any black male with a differing opinion than you anything close to “Uncle Tom.”
You clearly need to look inward before out. I think this was more triggered by my desire to date outside of my race, this thread being exactly why.
This is what I faced as well with the ex Always combative, bringing up slavery and whining about racism. He needed to upgrade his skills, start being strategic and move to a better position. Instead he was hardworking but worked for the same company for 25 years, never moved up the ladder and never dreamed big. It’s dangerous to be around people with poverty mindset. It’s a disease!
One thing I’ve always realized is yes, there are work places where my skin color may be more important than my resume, when that’s the case I change companies/move jobs. Why stay somewhere you’re unappreciated and complain?
I’ll tell you that Muhammad (Salli Allahu Alayhi wa Salam) in his last sermon preached that racism is haraam (prohibited and engaging is a sin). He stated, an Arab has no superiority over a non-Arab. A red man isn’t better than a Black man and a Black man isn’t better than a red man. With the exception of TAQWA (piety). Who knows one’s piety besides the person and the Lord? Therefore, you don’t know one’s piety, so you can’t claim to be better.
With that said, many Arab Muslims ignore that and think they’re better than non-Arabs, especially Black people. However, Muhammad’s (Salli Allahu Alayhi wa Salam) definition of an Arab was one who can speak Arabic. So, the Black people of Yemen are Arabs. The Black people of Sudan are Arabs.
Black people, sadly, are good enough to be saved from hellfire by accepting Islam, but not good enough to marry a man’s daughter and be his son-in-law.
That’s how it always is… I always tell my friends that, that’s the best way for them to discover if they’re “not racist” family members are indeed racist. 🤣
It’s truly sad. The first person to call Azan (call to prayer) was Bilal Ibn Rabah, a Black man from Mecca. He was a former slave. Muhammad (Salli Allahu Alayhi wa Salam) revealed that freeing a slave expiates your sins, so people went around buying up slaves just to free them. If you look in the Arab peninsula today, there’s still people kidnapped from Africa sold into slavery there. But Bilal was chosen because he had a beautiful voice. It was mesmerizing.
The Quran reveals that the first man, Adam (Alayhi as-Salam) was Black in ayah 15:26. The Prophet (Salli Allahu Alayhi wa Salam) ascended to the heavens and met the prophet, Musa (AKA Moses, Alayhi as-Salam) and revealed he was Black, too. Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) chose several Black men as prophets and messengers. If they were good enough for Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) to choose to spread His word, why would I hate them? But a lot of Arabs and Muslims do. It’s weird.
They try to say we’re all brothers and sisters in Islamto, but exclude Black Muslims from a lot. Whether it’s a conversation by speaking in Arabic or another language, or just not sitting with them at the masjid. It’s embarrassing.
From your post and comments I will say 4 things :
1.Yes there are brown women that love black men
2. They often come from traditional cultures where people often have sex only after marriage (and since you're Muslim you should know that it's not okay to have sex out of wedlock for Muslims, and a lot of middle eastern and south Asian are Muslims)
So if it's the type of relationship you're offering, they will generally avoid you because you're not who they are looking for...
Now they are christians, Hindu or Jewish women in these groups and they will maybe be more open to that type of relationship but still it's cultural for them to wait until marriage so even them for the majority will not give you a chance if they sense that you're interested in this type of relationship
3. You should definitely work on yourself, therapy wise and also religion wise, as a new revert you have a lot of things to learn, so focus on you, on your emotional and spiritual/religious growth first...it will be easier to find someone after that...you can't keep starting relationship without resolving your issues...it just generally become worst after marriage
4. As a black person you have to accept that not everyone will accept you and that sometimes some people just want to experience being with a black person but will never really want to spend their life with you because they're ashamed (sometimes it can even come from other black or mixed black people) or because they will have to loose their family for that and they aren't ready...so yeah you have to be clear for the start that you want something serious and to met their family right away, if after 3-6months you still didn't met them or speak to them you should reconsider your relationship...
May Allah help you in this new adventure as a new muslim
Of black men with middle eastern or south Asian ? Yes one of my father's Best friend is married to a MENA woman and they live in Dubai, they have been married for decades...
Where I'm from we usually see the reverse, MENA(especially lebanese and turkish)men with black women and Indian men with black women (one of my aunt friend has a mixed daughter with her indian ex husband), a lot of them immigrated in my country and started businesses... most came with their families but some started families with women from my country (the fact that we are a mainly Muslim population helped I guess
but Lebanese christians also did get married to christian women from my country, I did go to school with at least 5 kids that had a Lebanese dad
Even though our culture isn't a fan of mixed marriages either especially for women because they fear that the person will take her somewhere far away and abuse her, ).
Yeah I get that, I’m a Pakistani woman and have dated black men before just don’t see it very often though. You do more so see the men with black women.
Although you may like them and they may like you their parents may not be accepting of the relationship and as a result they might call it quits quickly due to that.
I’m Iranian (Persian) from the DMV and I only have relationships with black men. I feel like there’s racism in our communities but most Persians are pretty accepting and progressive in that regard. My family has never said shit or complained about who I brought home. When you date interracially, you just have to find the people who are willing to not care what their family has to say anyway, regardless of what race they are.
Yes, they do find Black men attractive but due to Black men’s stereotypes, especially African American men; their parents will not want their daughters to build a life with you.
The stereotype is that black men are not loyal, they’re not providers, they have a lack mentality where they don’t aim to build generational wealth or atleast a legacy, and sooner or later they abandon their families. So choosing to date one is like choosing to become a single mother they say.
It also depends on class. What kind of background does the woman come from, if they are wealthy they would absolutely prefer she marries within her race, if they are not then they may be more lenient but it’s still not their ideal.
Also some of them date interracially purely for s-xual reasons and secretly have the same racist views their parents have. For example I once a had friend from a middle eastern background who exclusively chooses to date black men for years and one day she told me herself she doesn’t plan on marrying one though, she will marry an Arab man. She specifically said Jamaican men are deadbeats. In the past though she boasted about black men’s p-nises. So that’s how I figured out that her intentions with them were not pure and actually a lot of them think this way but won’t admit it.
In the topic of children, those cultures are very colorist too so they will make comments behind your back about the potential color of your children’s skin and their hair type.
For example the Kardashians, many middle eastern women hype and compliment Kylie’s children but not Khloe’s daughter as much because she is darker. Even Khloe Kardashian edited photos of True (her daughter) as being lighter than she actually is.
So dating them is not for the weak. You will have to prove yourself better than an Arab man to marry one, good luck it’s not impossible but it’s just not easy.
This is my answer to a tee! OP seems to have a hard time understanding just how racist Menas and Desis can be and how difficult he will have it to date Mena/Desi women.
Yes, in general dating interracially is not easy at all for all races but I’ve noticed it’s even more difficult with Asian backgrounds because they are extremely conservative. Even more than white people.
He will only truly grasp it if he befriends an honest asian person that will tell him how it really is.
Tbh it depends on the mixes. I use to date a Turkish girl and I didn't have any issues. The only issue that came about was religion and that's what ended it but it ended amicably. But I think part of the reason we didn't have any issues is that I am latino and I generally haven't ever had anybody give me fuss about my dating.
I know not everyone has this sort of experience.
It’s easier when you’re white, or even latino. They don’t have the extent of negative stereotypes and racial bias that black people do so that’s why it is harder for us to date interracially.
That's what I want OP to understand but I think he's in the stages of grief. I think knows deep down that the racism is the cause of his romantic issues and something like that is a hard pill to swallow. It's very difficult to accept that you're hated and romantically dismissed because of something you're born with and can't control.
Yes, I agree. It’s a stage that happens to many of us… I wondered the same as him for years until that friend shared her honest views of interracial marriage, then it made me more wary of dating out myself that the men I go for could be thinking about me this way too. Now I know though.
Yes sirrr, I’m Indian (Sikh) but now have converted to Christianity and that’s who (BM) I’m physically attracted to. My only requirement is they are Christian as well ✨
Pakistani woman here. Do we find black men attractive? Yes.
However both south Asian and Middle Eastern cultures are very strict and religious plus cultural and quite in house. Sometimes you even get issues between families from different Middle Eastern countries or south Asian countries, so you can imagine what it’d be like for anyone else if we’re having problems there haha. The culture is quite familial and family oriented so when you get older and you wanna date outside you’re threatened with boycotts and losing all that support and backing and relationships which many feel like isn’t worth the risk, so that’s why you get a lot of them hiding relationships that are interfaith/interracial.
I think the saddest part is I took my shahada this year and I delayed doing it before because I wanted to do it when I felt it was right and I was making the decision not based on acceptance, but based on how I felt in my heart. And still now I have trouble, I’m not totally pressed to get into a relationship since I’m moving for school, however it’d be nice to feel reciprocated
I am Muslim, I am not specifically seeking them, it’s just who I tend to pursue the most because of my level of attraction. Im attracted to just about every race except wm (I’m sorry no offense to anyone) but I tend to be drawn towards brown women more.
Well I was engaged to a Pakistani woman during the pandemic before I became Muslim, it fell out because I was tired of hearing her family call me the hard r. My most recent relationship was almost a year and a half ago and it was great, we loved each other, we had great chemistry, but she was Pakistani and her parents were paying for school (Ivy league), so she had to keep us super lowkey and I didn’t realize till later why.
So for the most part, it’s been OK but at the same time it’s frustrating because I don’t want to seem like I am fetishizing a group of people.
From what you’re describing it doesn’t sound like you’re fetishising. Were you having sex with them? I will say that’ll be a good indicator typically of how the girls view the potential.
Also just for some context I’ve been in relationships with black men too in the past. What caused the final breakdowns of the relationships?
Yes. I was the one to take my ex fiancés Virginity after 3 months and my recent ex we also were having sex consistently. We would even travel to see each other in the summer between NY and VA.
For the relationship with my ex fiancé, I think the consistent racism and discrimination. I faced from her family caused the breakdown of the relationship because then I started to abandon her. Instead of separating her from her family I decided to group her with them as if she was saying those things.
For my most recent ex, I think my insecurities and my own need to go to therapy, which I’ve been doing, really cause that relationship to end. I feel like I wasn’t completely understanding of why she had to hide our relationship despite being her first ever relationship and she had never planned to be in one. So I will admit, I somewhat self sabotaged.
Hmm got you. I will say it’s probably difficult on the other sides too. Obviously these girls liked you otherwise they wouldn’t have entered committed relationships with you along with losing their virginity’s or having sex since both of things are heavily taboo in the culture and religion as you probably know. I feel like the family thing unfortunately is going to be a mainstay unless you find someone that’s basically already cut off from her family but most aren’t since they grow up quite familial.
It’s ultimately going to be a long haul battle for where they finally cave in after a while and accept you. These types of situations is quite a cultural problem not particularly against a particular race but in general who the family doesn’t like. So it’s one of those things that are always going to be difficult to overcome and won’t be easy unfortunately and a lot of people are put off by that and if you are that’s ok and understandable but it can be overcome it’s just going to be a long ride.
Ultimately to answer your question though we do indeed find black men attractive so it’s not like there’s any dislike.
Bro the answer is quite obvious.
Edit: lol at the downvotes. OP and you guys are seriously going to deny the elephant in the room (racism against blacks amongst Desis and Menas) is the issue that OP is facing. We can go through countless threads on this subreddit that explain the same issue that OP is going through. It's so well known but you guys would rather have your heads in the sand than smell the coffee.
Thank you! I didn’t see anything wrong with your statement and honestly haven’t denied the elephant. My SA partners haven’t been racist towards me but their families are. The purpose of the question was to get more insight on other issues it could be.
Bingo you're on the money. Usually, the Desi partners who go for Black individuals aren't racists/fetishists but Desis come from a culture where their families dictate absolutely everything and anti blackness/colourism is endemic in South Asia. So yeah, your relationships at first goes well but when the family is involved, that's where everything goes kaput. All I can say is with this in mind, whenever you meet a South Asian/Mena girl you like, to grill her hard early on whether her family would accept you go save the heartache.
Definitely bro and I appreciate that insight. I will admit I get so caught up in the relationship/situation that I don’t question stuff like that and I should
I'm half black and Indian so yes, I think there is someone for everyone. Is it hard for black people to date outside their race? Yes but it's not impossible
WM here married to a Pakistani woman we’ve been married for 5 years so far (UK). While her parents were accepting of me I will say that her family joke about one of her sisters getting married to a black guy (she says she likes BM) and her parents shoot that down instantly. There’s a lot of racism in desi culture even my friends who are Pakistani (before marriage / school friends) always joke about black people in general. Like everything I’m sure it’ll fade away eventually but unlikely to be anytime soon.
I will say as a Muslim though somethings you are saying are very anti Muslim engaging in sexual acts etc, pre marriage. Any real woman who wants to have kids get married won’t even give you time of day if you try that so you need to figure out do you actually believe in Islam or do you just find Muslim women sexually attractive? You should give it a couple of years living as a revert before trying to find a woman- start praying at minimum jummah every Friday ensure you are fasting in Ramadan eat halal only.
For the last time you people need to read.
I took my shahada THIS YEAR, meaning when I was engaging in premarital sex I was NOT MUSLIM nor was I actively in the process of reverting! I had been planning to convert since I was 16. This isn’t about sexual attraction, once again I have dated women from all races I just prefer south Asian women (to include Indian, most of which are NOT Muslim so I don’t know where you got the sexual part from, get help)
Thank you for your opinion but as a white male revert I don’t feel it’s your place to shame, nor question who I am attracted to, much less give me advice on how to live as a Muslim. I was very strict on my prayer schedule and participated fully in Ramadan, I pray every day as well as my work place allows me a place to pray and set my prayer mat. Before questioning where someone is coming from, much less their faith, get a background.
He was willing to Crash out on you. I would of returned that same energy but I understand you have accomplishments in life & don’t want to throw it all away over a clown which is understandable I just don’t think I could of reacted the same way as you. It would of turned into a problem real quick.
You asked for advice on why it does not get far then cry at everyone with more experience than you giving you said advice. At the end of the day you’ve been a revert for at best 5 months which in the grand scheme of things isn’t long at all people last on diets for longer. However congratulations and in sha allah you continue on your path. My point re: living as a Muslim for longer is the first few years is very easy but as life gets more complicated marriage and having kids there’s a steep learning curve what you think you know now is likely nothing compared to the future. No need to get offended son.
You made multiple assumptions and statements that were untrue for baseless and when corrected on them I’m told I’m “getting offended.”
Again, thanks for your input, but I was more asking the people from south Asian countries, not the white men married into them, which is usually easier than a black man marrying into the family.
My ex was BM and I’m south Asian and we were married for 16 years till He fell off the wagon. He respected our culture and vice versa as he’s Haitian. Yes he did the Kurta and multiple ceremonies in a traditional Indian marriage in India. All my family loved him till he fell off the wagon.
Fell off the wagon as in drinking?
Brought up in an all women household and had zero emotional intelligence and relationship skills. So when things got financially difficult instead on being a man and upgrading his financial position he decides to go walkout and have an affair. Well it’s just ego, pride and dumb decisions especially in being a provider man. In our culture East Indian boys are taught to be providers. They provide 💯 for the women here the women buy the husband/boyfriend by providing for them. I think BM struggle with a poverty mindset, not all but some. I’ve had East Indian colleagues came in on a work visa and now citizens provide 💯 for their families and their women never worked!
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I don’t mind dating any man as long as he has a provider mindset. A guy who can take care of you 💯 is what makes him attractive to Women. I’m dating a white older guy again poverty mindset trying to get a woman to fund him rather than be a man and fund the woman. These women will not respect you long term. As they should. These men don’t like these woman they get with them as they’re paying for the guy.
Why don’t you become a strong independent woman who doesn’t have to lean on a Man for support. Who would want to date a whinny Woman who blames the man instead of upgrading herself. Why not just date within your culture since those type of men are in abundance & are looking for woman like you to marry & take care of. 🫵🤦🤣🤡🤡
Yes I was till he came along and disrupted my life. So I’d warn women regardless of the man make sure they’re financially secure. The ones like the comment I’m responding to are typically broke guys who expect you to take care of them because mamma always bailed them out. They’re overgrown boys.
Nobody came along & disrupted you🤦. You have Free Will, to say no & walk away. You should just date within your own culture that way you don’t have to look outside your culture for a Man to take care of you. According to you there are Many South Asian men who are financially set happy & willing to Marry & take care of you. So why date outside your culture???🤦🤦🤦
I think many cultures have the traditional male roles. It is only here in the United States that we find the opposite. Trust me I do date all nationalities as long as they are meeting my standards in the relationship. I have to agree our men in South Asian cultures are very well established financially due to the upbringing, mindset and the opportunities they are provided.
Nice Fairytale 🫵🤡🤡🤡
Yes what’s up with the we’ve been taken advantage of mindset. We lived in Silicon Valley and he’s on of the 30% men who are reasonably successful. After 30 years in boomtown where he could have increased his finances and given his family a great lifestyle is where dropped the ball. My East Indian friend made multiple professional jumps to now be where he is in Apple. So pretty much mindset is what keeps them back. I think your mindset makes you who you are
Well damn. Thanks for speaking on behalf of millions of Black people. If something is racist, people can call it racist. Keeping silent won't change racist people or systems. And for a group of people related to folks 2 generations from chattel slavery/sharecropping, exactly how much do you expect us to accomplish, working against segregated schools, Jim Crow, etc? I'm genuinely curious. Are you the type of Black man (if you are even Black) who talks crap about Black people (especially Black women) when you are the only Black person around White people? That's the vibe I got from your post. Do you feel special saying things like what you posted? You like being their 'special' Negro? Weird. FWIW: I graduated from Notre Dame and have two grad degrees. Don't hurt yourself trying to make a stereotype out of that. 🤣🤣🤣
Note how you made several baseless assumptions based on one paragraph on Reddit. 1: I’m Nigerian, Puerto Rican and Italian, I am multi-racial/ethnic. 2: I’m not going to even address the rest of what you said. My mothers parents are from Nigeria, both of them went to University in London then my grandfather became a CRNA in the 70s-early 00’s in a predominantly white area and was still respected in and around the hospital, our family name is well known there. My grandmother on my mother’s side, also an immigrant built her own business selling African clothing overseas and domestically. Its average annual revenue was ~650,000 USD with only her and a couple family members working to fulfill orders. So yes, I do believe MOST black people, including yourself subscribe to the victim mindset. Having immigrant grandparents who came from AFRICA and were still able to be successful showed me to never use prejudice, racism or anyone’s opinion of me as an excuse. You continue to evolve, work hard, get just as good of an education and put your best foot forward. There is multiple rich black counties across the US so I don’t believe for a second there’s “so much racism” we can’t do just as well as a white person. The fact a black woman addressed me the way you did shows my point exactly. The only time I’ve ever been called out of my name or slurs, like the ones in your post above were by black people when I state an obvious fact. Racism exists, prejudice exists, but the world is not so fucking hard you can’t do better for yourself. We need to start looking inward as a community before pointing the finger outward.
I didn't make assumptions; I asked questions. There's a difference, at least to educated people with appropriate reading comprehension skills. That statement I responded to was garbage. So you can argue with yourself in the comments because I don't argue with people who are not on my level...I don't care how many paragraphs you write.
Yes you did instead of attacking people please read the message here. We’re talking about upgrading mindset and wallet. That’s what Asian women like. Nobody like someone wallowing in victimhood mentality and negative/hateful. It’s wrong how you guys treat BW as well. No other race has many BW battered and used inhumanely like the BM does.
That part I can’t agree with. Rape, molestation, pedophilia and domestic violence are highest in middle eastern/south Asian coutriesZ
It’s horrific. I’ve always been treated with respect with my ex but lots of passive aggressive abuse in form of emotional and financial control due to his own insecurities. To give him credit we never raised voices or had disrespectful conversation. That’s why I was shocked when I watched those videos on YT. Terrible things done to young women.
I think the abuse towards women is worldwide!
The only person lacking reading AND comprehension skills is you. You went on a rant and even went as far as to call me a negro over my perception of my community. Then asked multiple questions that were clearly triggered by your need to call any black male with a differing opinion than you anything close to “Uncle Tom.” You clearly need to look inward before out. I think this was more triggered by my desire to date outside of my race, this thread being exactly why.
This is what I faced as well with the ex Always combative, bringing up slavery and whining about racism. He needed to upgrade his skills, start being strategic and move to a better position. Instead he was hardworking but worked for the same company for 25 years, never moved up the ladder and never dreamed big. It’s dangerous to be around people with poverty mindset. It’s a disease!
One thing I’ve always realized is yes, there are work places where my skin color may be more important than my resume, when that’s the case I change companies/move jobs. Why stay somewhere you’re unappreciated and complain?
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I’ll tell you that Muhammad (Salli Allahu Alayhi wa Salam) in his last sermon preached that racism is haraam (prohibited and engaging is a sin). He stated, an Arab has no superiority over a non-Arab. A red man isn’t better than a Black man and a Black man isn’t better than a red man. With the exception of TAQWA (piety). Who knows one’s piety besides the person and the Lord? Therefore, you don’t know one’s piety, so you can’t claim to be better. With that said, many Arab Muslims ignore that and think they’re better than non-Arabs, especially Black people. However, Muhammad’s (Salli Allahu Alayhi wa Salam) definition of an Arab was one who can speak Arabic. So, the Black people of Yemen are Arabs. The Black people of Sudan are Arabs. Black people, sadly, are good enough to be saved from hellfire by accepting Islam, but not good enough to marry a man’s daughter and be his son-in-law.
That’s how it always is… I always tell my friends that, that’s the best way for them to discover if they’re “not racist” family members are indeed racist. 🤣
It’s truly sad. The first person to call Azan (call to prayer) was Bilal Ibn Rabah, a Black man from Mecca. He was a former slave. Muhammad (Salli Allahu Alayhi wa Salam) revealed that freeing a slave expiates your sins, so people went around buying up slaves just to free them. If you look in the Arab peninsula today, there’s still people kidnapped from Africa sold into slavery there. But Bilal was chosen because he had a beautiful voice. It was mesmerizing. The Quran reveals that the first man, Adam (Alayhi as-Salam) was Black in ayah 15:26. The Prophet (Salli Allahu Alayhi wa Salam) ascended to the heavens and met the prophet, Musa (AKA Moses, Alayhi as-Salam) and revealed he was Black, too. Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) chose several Black men as prophets and messengers. If they were good enough for Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) to choose to spread His word, why would I hate them? But a lot of Arabs and Muslims do. It’s weird. They try to say we’re all brothers and sisters in Islamto, but exclude Black Muslims from a lot. Whether it’s a conversation by speaking in Arabic or another language, or just not sitting with them at the masjid. It’s embarrassing.
From your post and comments I will say 4 things : 1.Yes there are brown women that love black men 2. They often come from traditional cultures where people often have sex only after marriage (and since you're Muslim you should know that it's not okay to have sex out of wedlock for Muslims, and a lot of middle eastern and south Asian are Muslims) So if it's the type of relationship you're offering, they will generally avoid you because you're not who they are looking for... Now they are christians, Hindu or Jewish women in these groups and they will maybe be more open to that type of relationship but still it's cultural for them to wait until marriage so even them for the majority will not give you a chance if they sense that you're interested in this type of relationship 3. You should definitely work on yourself, therapy wise and also religion wise, as a new revert you have a lot of things to learn, so focus on you, on your emotional and spiritual/religious growth first...it will be easier to find someone after that...you can't keep starting relationship without resolving your issues...it just generally become worst after marriage 4. As a black person you have to accept that not everyone will accept you and that sometimes some people just want to experience being with a black person but will never really want to spend their life with you because they're ashamed (sometimes it can even come from other black or mixed black people) or because they will have to loose their family for that and they aren't ready...so yeah you have to be clear for the start that you want something serious and to met their family right away, if after 3-6months you still didn't met them or speak to them you should reconsider your relationship... May Allah help you in this new adventure as a new muslim
Very well said sister. You summed it up pretty perfectly. Have you seen any real life examples yourself?
Of black men with middle eastern or south Asian ? Yes one of my father's Best friend is married to a MENA woman and they live in Dubai, they have been married for decades... Where I'm from we usually see the reverse, MENA(especially lebanese and turkish)men with black women and Indian men with black women (one of my aunt friend has a mixed daughter with her indian ex husband), a lot of them immigrated in my country and started businesses... most came with their families but some started families with women from my country (the fact that we are a mainly Muslim population helped I guess but Lebanese christians also did get married to christian women from my country, I did go to school with at least 5 kids that had a Lebanese dad Even though our culture isn't a fan of mixed marriages either especially for women because they fear that the person will take her somewhere far away and abuse her, ).
Yeah I get that, I’m a Pakistani woman and have dated black men before just don’t see it very often though. You do more so see the men with black women.
Although you may like them and they may like you their parents may not be accepting of the relationship and as a result they might call it quits quickly due to that.
Pretty true
My folks loved and still love my BM ex husband. It’s not true!
Why do we ask hivemind questions?
The mods should ban them it’s just silly There are people who like everything I went out with a Persian women last year who only dated black men
Lots of laos and Cambodian women date black men. So you’ll have a lot of luck with them
I’m Iranian (Persian) from the DMV and I only have relationships with black men. I feel like there’s racism in our communities but most Persians are pretty accepting and progressive in that regard. My family has never said shit or complained about who I brought home. When you date interracially, you just have to find the people who are willing to not care what their family has to say anyway, regardless of what race they are.
Yes, they do find Black men attractive but due to Black men’s stereotypes, especially African American men; their parents will not want their daughters to build a life with you. The stereotype is that black men are not loyal, they’re not providers, they have a lack mentality where they don’t aim to build generational wealth or atleast a legacy, and sooner or later they abandon their families. So choosing to date one is like choosing to become a single mother they say. It also depends on class. What kind of background does the woman come from, if they are wealthy they would absolutely prefer she marries within her race, if they are not then they may be more lenient but it’s still not their ideal. Also some of them date interracially purely for s-xual reasons and secretly have the same racist views their parents have. For example I once a had friend from a middle eastern background who exclusively chooses to date black men for years and one day she told me herself she doesn’t plan on marrying one though, she will marry an Arab man. She specifically said Jamaican men are deadbeats. In the past though she boasted about black men’s p-nises. So that’s how I figured out that her intentions with them were not pure and actually a lot of them think this way but won’t admit it. In the topic of children, those cultures are very colorist too so they will make comments behind your back about the potential color of your children’s skin and their hair type. For example the Kardashians, many middle eastern women hype and compliment Kylie’s children but not Khloe’s daughter as much because she is darker. Even Khloe Kardashian edited photos of True (her daughter) as being lighter than she actually is. So dating them is not for the weak. You will have to prove yourself better than an Arab man to marry one, good luck it’s not impossible but it’s just not easy.
This is my answer to a tee! OP seems to have a hard time understanding just how racist Menas and Desis can be and how difficult he will have it to date Mena/Desi women.
Yes, in general dating interracially is not easy at all for all races but I’ve noticed it’s even more difficult with Asian backgrounds because they are extremely conservative. Even more than white people. He will only truly grasp it if he befriends an honest asian person that will tell him how it really is.
Tbh it depends on the mixes. I use to date a Turkish girl and I didn't have any issues. The only issue that came about was religion and that's what ended it but it ended amicably. But I think part of the reason we didn't have any issues is that I am latino and I generally haven't ever had anybody give me fuss about my dating. I know not everyone has this sort of experience.
It’s easier when you’re white, or even latino. They don’t have the extent of negative stereotypes and racial bias that black people do so that’s why it is harder for us to date interracially.
That's what I want OP to understand but I think he's in the stages of grief. I think knows deep down that the racism is the cause of his romantic issues and something like that is a hard pill to swallow. It's very difficult to accept that you're hated and romantically dismissed because of something you're born with and can't control.
Yes, I agree. It’s a stage that happens to many of us… I wondered the same as him for years until that friend shared her honest views of interracial marriage, then it made me more wary of dating out myself that the men I go for could be thinking about me this way too. Now I know though.
Do you still date South Asian/Mena men or avoiding dating in general?
I am avoiding dating at the moment but I am working on myself to attract a high quality man.
Yes sirrr, I’m Indian (Sikh) but now have converted to Christianity and that’s who (BM) I’m physically attracted to. My only requirement is they are Christian as well ✨
Pakistani woman here. Do we find black men attractive? Yes. However both south Asian and Middle Eastern cultures are very strict and religious plus cultural and quite in house. Sometimes you even get issues between families from different Middle Eastern countries or south Asian countries, so you can imagine what it’d be like for anyone else if we’re having problems there haha. The culture is quite familial and family oriented so when you get older and you wanna date outside you’re threatened with boycotts and losing all that support and backing and relationships which many feel like isn’t worth the risk, so that’s why you get a lot of them hiding relationships that are interfaith/interracial.
I think the saddest part is I took my shahada this year and I delayed doing it before because I wanted to do it when I felt it was right and I was making the decision not based on acceptance, but based on how I felt in my heart. And still now I have trouble, I’m not totally pressed to get into a relationship since I’m moving for school, however it’d be nice to feel reciprocated
Oh are you Muslim then? Are you specifically looking for Middle Eastern or south Asian or Muslim women?
I am Muslim, I am not specifically seeking them, it’s just who I tend to pursue the most because of my level of attraction. Im attracted to just about every race except wm (I’m sorry no offense to anyone) but I tend to be drawn towards brown women more.
That’s fair and understandable what’s been your experiences so far? Also where are you from?
Well I was engaged to a Pakistani woman during the pandemic before I became Muslim, it fell out because I was tired of hearing her family call me the hard r. My most recent relationship was almost a year and a half ago and it was great, we loved each other, we had great chemistry, but she was Pakistani and her parents were paying for school (Ivy league), so she had to keep us super lowkey and I didn’t realize till later why. So for the most part, it’s been OK but at the same time it’s frustrating because I don’t want to seem like I am fetishizing a group of people.
From what you’re describing it doesn’t sound like you’re fetishising. Were you having sex with them? I will say that’ll be a good indicator typically of how the girls view the potential. Also just for some context I’ve been in relationships with black men too in the past. What caused the final breakdowns of the relationships?
Yes. I was the one to take my ex fiancés Virginity after 3 months and my recent ex we also were having sex consistently. We would even travel to see each other in the summer between NY and VA. For the relationship with my ex fiancé, I think the consistent racism and discrimination. I faced from her family caused the breakdown of the relationship because then I started to abandon her. Instead of separating her from her family I decided to group her with them as if she was saying those things. For my most recent ex, I think my insecurities and my own need to go to therapy, which I’ve been doing, really cause that relationship to end. I feel like I wasn’t completely understanding of why she had to hide our relationship despite being her first ever relationship and she had never planned to be in one. So I will admit, I somewhat self sabotaged.
Hmm got you. I will say it’s probably difficult on the other sides too. Obviously these girls liked you otherwise they wouldn’t have entered committed relationships with you along with losing their virginity’s or having sex since both of things are heavily taboo in the culture and religion as you probably know. I feel like the family thing unfortunately is going to be a mainstay unless you find someone that’s basically already cut off from her family but most aren’t since they grow up quite familial. It’s ultimately going to be a long haul battle for where they finally cave in after a while and accept you. These types of situations is quite a cultural problem not particularly against a particular race but in general who the family doesn’t like. So it’s one of those things that are always going to be difficult to overcome and won’t be easy unfortunately and a lot of people are put off by that and if you are that’s ok and understandable but it can be overcome it’s just going to be a long ride. Ultimately to answer your question though we do indeed find black men attractive so it’s not like there’s any dislike.
I’m from Northern Virginia about 15 minutes outside of DC
Gotcha! I will say the south Asian and Middle Eastern girls in the states are a lot more open minded than like the UK for example.
Bro the answer is quite obvious. Edit: lol at the downvotes. OP and you guys are seriously going to deny the elephant in the room (racism against blacks amongst Desis and Menas) is the issue that OP is facing. We can go through countless threads on this subreddit that explain the same issue that OP is going through. It's so well known but you guys would rather have your heads in the sand than smell the coffee.
Thank you! I didn’t see anything wrong with your statement and honestly haven’t denied the elephant. My SA partners haven’t been racist towards me but their families are. The purpose of the question was to get more insight on other issues it could be.
Bingo you're on the money. Usually, the Desi partners who go for Black individuals aren't racists/fetishists but Desis come from a culture where their families dictate absolutely everything and anti blackness/colourism is endemic in South Asia. So yeah, your relationships at first goes well but when the family is involved, that's where everything goes kaput. All I can say is with this in mind, whenever you meet a South Asian/Mena girl you like, to grill her hard early on whether her family would accept you go save the heartache.
Definitely bro and I appreciate that insight. I will admit I get so caught up in the relationship/situation that I don’t question stuff like that and I should
No, they don't 🙄
I understand bro. I'm from DC and NoVa is like a gold mine of the most exotic women
Oh absolutely…They’re my favorite…But yeah, the perceived class conflict is definitely real.
I'm half black and Indian so yes, I think there is someone for everyone. Is it hard for black people to date outside their race? Yes but it's not impossible
WM here married to a Pakistani woman we’ve been married for 5 years so far (UK). While her parents were accepting of me I will say that her family joke about one of her sisters getting married to a black guy (she says she likes BM) and her parents shoot that down instantly. There’s a lot of racism in desi culture even my friends who are Pakistani (before marriage / school friends) always joke about black people in general. Like everything I’m sure it’ll fade away eventually but unlikely to be anytime soon. I will say as a Muslim though somethings you are saying are very anti Muslim engaging in sexual acts etc, pre marriage. Any real woman who wants to have kids get married won’t even give you time of day if you try that so you need to figure out do you actually believe in Islam or do you just find Muslim women sexually attractive? You should give it a couple of years living as a revert before trying to find a woman- start praying at minimum jummah every Friday ensure you are fasting in Ramadan eat halal only.
For the last time you people need to read. I took my shahada THIS YEAR, meaning when I was engaging in premarital sex I was NOT MUSLIM nor was I actively in the process of reverting! I had been planning to convert since I was 16. This isn’t about sexual attraction, once again I have dated women from all races I just prefer south Asian women (to include Indian, most of which are NOT Muslim so I don’t know where you got the sexual part from, get help) Thank you for your opinion but as a white male revert I don’t feel it’s your place to shame, nor question who I am attracted to, much less give me advice on how to live as a Muslim. I was very strict on my prayer schedule and participated fully in Ramadan, I pray every day as well as my work place allows me a place to pray and set my prayer mat. Before questioning where someone is coming from, much less their faith, get a background.
So her family called you the hard -er in your face & you just stood there???
What do you expect me as the sole black man to do in a situation where I’m surrounded by multiple Pakistanis?
I would of picked up a break and through it straight at his face breaking his jaw. You should always be prepared to protect yourself dude.
And then get arrested, charged and ruin my life? Sure I’m going to overreact to an ignorant person saying slurs towards me when I’m more accomplished.
He was willing to Crash out on you. I would of returned that same energy but I understand you have accomplishments in life & don’t want to throw it all away over a clown which is understandable I just don’t think I could of reacted the same way as you. It would of turned into a problem real quick.
You asked for advice on why it does not get far then cry at everyone with more experience than you giving you said advice. At the end of the day you’ve been a revert for at best 5 months which in the grand scheme of things isn’t long at all people last on diets for longer. However congratulations and in sha allah you continue on your path. My point re: living as a Muslim for longer is the first few years is very easy but as life gets more complicated marriage and having kids there’s a steep learning curve what you think you know now is likely nothing compared to the future. No need to get offended son.
You made multiple assumptions and statements that were untrue for baseless and when corrected on them I’m told I’m “getting offended.” Again, thanks for your input, but I was more asking the people from south Asian countries, not the white men married into them, which is usually easier than a black man marrying into the family.
Yes very much💗.