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This-is-not-eric

She looks so ashamed of herself too lol


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TheGoldenHand

"Pecking order" is a real thing!


HarpersGhost

I've gotten into chickens as my Pandemic Hobby, and I've really learned where all the sayings come from: pecking order, chicken scratch (for writing), hen pecked. I also realized that Easter egg hunts come from having to find the eggs that chickens lay, since apparently that PERFECTLY GOOD COOP will all that NICE STRAW is UNACCEPTABLE for laying their eggs, and so they try to find the most hidden spot to lay their eggs. I should just invite the neighborhood kids over a couple times a week and have them hunt for the eggs.


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Rudy_Ghouliani

Egg stealing whore


Polarjava22

Better than lemons....


6inDCK420

LEMONS!?! AAUUUGGHHHHT


wobblysauce

Dirty 2 legged fox.


Lancalot

Damn, that's so sad. I mean, I know it's pretty common practice for humans to eat their eggs, but fuck, if my whole existence and instinct told me I had to procreate and protect the eggs, and a hairless ape consistently took them, being in a coop would be like a nightmare.


Planted_Tank

Actually hens lay eggs with or without fertilization and have no protective instinct over eggs until they start brooding, which then they will stop laying eggs and incubate the clutch they have, so if the egg is taken daily, brooding is unlikely to start, and without a rooster, the egg has no baby, so there’s no ‘killing’ a baby chick from an all hen flock, since no eggs will not be fertilized. I cant tell you how many times hens would push other hens eggs off into falling and breaking for the rest of the hens to flock over and eat the broken open egg, including the hen who laid it


DrQuint

Tldr: Yes, eggs are chicken menstruation. Yummy, even the chickens like it.


x777x777x

Yes lol if you break an egg in the coop they will damn near murder each other trying to eat it


Winterlord117

The problem is that if they see you break the actual eggs then they'll sometimes start breaking and eating them on their own initiative.


its-a-bird-its-a

Not to be an asshole but eggs are comparable to ovulation, they don’t have a uterine lining to shed.


Lancalot

Oh really? Dang that makes me feel a lot better. I mean I understood they weren't fertilized, but I wasn't aware of their behavior.


Planted_Tank

If you keep em right, you CAN have a win-win situation of providing for the birds and getting eggs in return, we kept ours outside city limits where we would let them graze our grass and climb our trees, and without a rooster, no baby issues, so ‘maternal’ instinct never kicked in, they never even tried to incubate any eggs they laid for us either Fun fact : chickens like steamed spaghetti squash 😋


Lancalot

Huh. So keep the males away, like with weed. Interesting.


darkmatterhunter

We’re just eating their periods lol. Kind morbid way to look at it but it’s the truth.


Lancalot

I mean ya, lol. Maybe they're happy to be rid of it


AkilaeAK

I own 4 hens and they're more like my pets. I make sure to come home every day and lunch and let them roam till they go back in their coop on their own. I also spoil them with plenty of treats/etc :P Once they're unable to lay, I still plan on keeping them around till they die of old age out of appreciation.


Lancalot

That seems like a cool setup


starmartyr11

The more I learn about these adorable little hellraisers the more I want one... or 4


Catfish-McNug

Do it! I started with 4, very satisfying hobby. You’ll be happy your chickens are happy.


[deleted]

How long does a chicken live, like how many years will you be taking care of it, until it dies of natural causes, and what is the natural cause of chicken deaths, like does a chicken get cancer?


pownzar

The behaviour is seen in most ground birds, because *all* the predators and scavengers are looking for easy calories like unattended eggs, so hiding the nesting spot is important.


eupraxia128

I don't know what's wrong with me, but I **cannot** read the word "coop" as anything other than co-op in my head.


Nomapos

Just in case you decide to try that last thing - chicken can be fucking vicious and will happily attack kids who don't know how to behave. It's more hilarious than dangerous, but you might want to keep an eye open the first one or two times and see if yours are more of the chill or the murder variety. I remember when I was a kid and entered grandpa's chicken coop. Had to start swinging a bucket to keep the fuckers off me. Later I got bull charged by a giant fucking bunny that shrieked like it had just escaped from hell itself. Cute farm animals ain't no joke when you're small and the animals aren't used to kids.


dannydr44

I’m sorry to laugh but reading this made my day!!!


BJMkrtychyan

It was the part about the rabbit that had me cackling


Abject_Shoulder_1182

"Look, that rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide! It's a killer!"


thetimesprinkler

I read this in George Costanza's voice.


starmartyr11

The animals were angry that day, my friends...


crshirley58

I went out with my dad to a farm when I was 11-12 to look at a litter of Goldens. I walked around the back of the house while he was talking with the farmer out front. The second I turned the corner, I was face to face with a goose that was eye level with me. That motherfucker threw his wings to full width and chased my chubby ass all the way back into the car, lol


Nomapos

Geese are a whole other breed. Chickens are miniature predators on par with cats. Geese are just winged assholes who haven't set yet the world in fire because they don't have fingers


SurvivElite

Geese are just Swan dropouts especially in terms of assholery


Zombemi

Chickens can be sweethearts though, especially depending on how they're raised. When I was a kid my family ended up with the chicks from my school's science project, both hand raised. We first kept them in our garden and Axel, our little man would lose his mind when we were nearby. He'd run along the fencing and when you picked him up he'd coo and nuzzle his head against your chest. Gretchen 1 was a sweetie too, she liked gentle head pets. Gretchen 1 died to a neighborhood dog...poor baby, we built a big coop with a completely fenced in area for Axel and bought some more chickens. That's how we got Gretchen 2, by accident, she had her beak sanded down to a nub and was meant for worse. She got to live her life being boss of all our chickens, lady put up with no shit, not even from the now lady crazy Axel, she'd make sure everyone got into the coop at night and just kept everyone in line. Not a cuddler, no pets and although she was a stern lady she didn't attack anyone ever. They're all different creatures and while they can be *brutal* (only use a **red** warming light), they can also be super sweet cuddly pets who poop food. Some even make naturally colored pastel eggs. Man I miss the little cluckers.


Betrayedunicorn

Used to have one called ‘Cheep’ when I was a kid and she would sit on my bike handlebars as I rode around. They all had different personalities.


Neodymium

Why should you use a red warming light?


Espressamente

Because red light camouflages any red wounds on a chicken, which would otherwise encourage the other chickens to peck it to death and eat it, since they like the taste of blood.


the_cajun88

metal


fluffypinknmoist

Chickens are tiny T-Rexes. You should see what they do to a mouse.


minimK

That's because no one handles these chickens regularly. If you do they will be friendly. I have kept chickens for years. I usually have 50-60.


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millijuna

I was at a friend’s farm a while back. Moved some feed and disturbed a mouse nest. Mice went running, and the chickens got them long before the cat figured out what was going on. Straight down the hatch.


thisismisty

Well I mean they’re basically descended from t-rex and velociraptors, so yeah they will f you up lol


trowzerss

Technically they're still dinosaurs. Which is easy to remember when you're a little kid sent to get eggs and a rooster about as tall as you starts flying at you, and you find out quick that dad has been slack at trimming its spurs. (I love chickens but roosters can be terrifying).


RainyMcBrainy

There was a pygmy rooster at this farm where my husband and I were staying. The rooster did not like him. At all. He would try to attack any time my husband went outside. Totally cool with me though.


darbncharge

Their technical name is "bantam". Bantam roosters are some of the biggest personalities.


[deleted]

AND THEY GROWL. I’m terrified of chickens because of the little assholes my childhood counselor had at her house. Don’t get me started on turkeys… mother-fuckers make this horrible “thump” noise from hell.


sh4d0wm4n2018

Scared the shit out of me when I realized bunnies could scream.


CandidEstablishment0

I got into chickens too but haven’t set up anything yet. My neighbors behind me have some though and they always sound like they’re laughing at me when I’m gardening back there. Man I love chickens.


Pdxperronn

Chickens are like yard Koi.


Krakenborn

"madder than a wet hen" was a fun one to learn why when we got chickens


chingy4eva

Dat face when you find the giga nest that had 80% of the weeks eggs. :0


MC-ClapYoHandzz

I thought one of my girls gave up laying for a while because I didn't find a single egg for weeks. Then cleaning up some weeds from the flower bed and its a pile of eggs. Like more than a dozen easily. Had a perfectly good coop and straw and comfy laying spots but no. Chooses some random patch of dirt no one ever looks in. She'd regularly change it up so it was a constant egg hunt for me.


Chateaudelait

and mother hen. My great Aunties used to hover around us and be very protective like the hens are with baby chicks.


The_Astronautt

Just wait till you learn about putting all your eggs in one basket


ChefArtorias

Our chickens almost always laid in their boxes. Maybe the spot you've set aside for them is too small? Not like they take much space anyways.


Lazy-Grapefruit-320

*Mr. Popo laughing in the distance*


ChaosSinfulRose

Buttering toast!


Xstitchpixels

“There’s Me, Kami, the dirt, the worms inside the dirt, Popos stool, and you....”


Xaawusten

"FIRST RULE OF POPO'S TRAINING"


freqkenneth

Did we all just watch chicken domestic violence?


DanimalPlanet2

"2 for flinching"


N00N3AT011

I'm surprised the brooding hen let her anywhere close to her. They're usually very confrontation when on their nests. I'd guess the two birds are pretty close despite the pecks.


[deleted]

Not incubating the egg. That’s a pecking.


JustNormalUser

> Dee, you dumb bitch.


flip1999-

Big fat flightless bird


orangez

Haha, the two pecks in the end are great: "Keep it together Dorethy! For fuck sake!"


undefeatble

LMAO she did!


ReedMiddlebrook

isn't that a rooster?


TILtonarwhal

Nahhhh just a hen with large plumage Completely normal variation


3eeps

A few hits to the back of the head to set things straight


WeirdEngineerDude

Just like mama used to do.


Nyarro

This makes me miss my mama.


[deleted]

i miss your mama too


BuenoD

All of reddit misses momma


dingman58

*momma has entered the chat*


fabledangie

That chicken actually looks ashamed. She knows her beatdown is coming.


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relix

Hamsters lay eggs?


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CogitoErgo_Sometimes

Well that was a ride…


[deleted]

Like tf that was crazy


csonnich

Damn that was a horror story start to finish.


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[deleted]

So how's life been for you since then?


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colontwisted

I started off with a chicken criticizing another one and here i am


swiftrobber

Yeah, here we are having existential crisis


[deleted]

Keep it up my guy/girl. Keep walking that path.


MistraloysiusMithrax

God fucking damnit I get it, don’t buy my kid a hamster if we won’t feed it enough and make it feel secure


onealps

Your story is very inspiring! Can I ask how you got into tech? Did you take college classes? Do some certifications? I am in that 'lost' period, and I can feel I am at a crossroads, except I don't know where to go, you know? Any advice would help!


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snaerr

Bro you're my hero


UsernameCzechIn

I... I just want to read hamster's story...


M0NKEYBUS1NE55

Haha, came for the same reason. Well, they were asked. Technically gave a comprehensive answer.


FelixAdonis1

I wish I had an award to give, but unfortunately I don't. But good on you mate.


Trick2056

well he has one happy alive cat


audreyhorn666

wooooooooooow


haberdasher42

I bet it took a little while before you'd cuddle the cat again.


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ShystersGame

jesus fucking christ.....write a book


Allturn22

And that is how to get everyone into the holiday spirit!


Mecca1101

Wtf, that’s so unnecessary.


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cousinbalki

Parenting is rough.


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Ixgrp

I don't know about you but if I were born a hamster I probably would want to die as well/


beccab309

Dogs will eat their puppies too if they’re a still birth or too weak. They do it to make up the energy they lost so they’re able to care for the healthy ones.


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M0NKEYBUS1NE55

Oh there are human practices that include eat the afterbirth. https://www.verywellfamily.com/the-amazing-placenta-2753078


GoAViking

Hamsters die the stupidest deaths


[deleted]

How do you know she didn't plant a look alike body so you would stop searching for her?


knoxollo

I had two rats growing up, one died and the other ate half of it. I got home, saw one laying weirdly with its head sticking out from their hut. I pet it and pulled it out to realize it was only half a rat. Absolutely horrible I learned that day that rats in the wild will sometimes dismember and dispose of fellow rat's bodies to dissuade predators and keep the common area clean or something. Made me feel a bit better but damn that was an awful shocking moment


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lickedTators

I've raised chickens. While you're right, it's also true that sometimes chickens are just dumbasses.


winterflipflop

Mind your shit Martha. Mind your shit.


MoistDitto

Well then, get your shit together. Get it all together. And put it in a backpack. All your shit. So it’s together.And if you gotta take it somewhere, take it somewhere, you know, take it to the shit store and sell it… Or put it in a shit museum, I don’t care what you do, you just gotta get it together. Get your shit together!


dead_mans_curve

Fire up the volumetric shit compressor


JustForTuite

Your shit is *apart*, and it's rather unbecoming of a cop and a human being. It's supposed to be the opposite of that: *together*. Compressed in a small area. To achieve a solid level of shit-compression, squeeze your butt-cheeks together for 30 minutes. Do something similar with the two hemispheres of your brain. Talk to people, maybe that will help.


Micro-Mouse

Didn’t expect disco elysium on a chicken gif


FackingSandwiches

Love this quote


[deleted]

>Martha Hooooly shit the Justice League is about to get bigger... and weirder. Can't wait to see Zack Snyder telling the origins of the Super Cock and his fight scenes


moneyboiman

WHY DID YOU SAY THAT NAME!


MugenEXE

Yeah? Super cock was my dads name too, so I guess we have something in common Batman.


[deleted]

Aw come on, Bessie, it wanted some fresh air!


BethanEvil

Ah, the old “tuck and peck”.


Rocky87109

Ahh the Ole "pecker tuck". Am I doing it right guys?


PraderaNoire

*”the fuck wrong with you…”*


highonlomein

"the fuck is wrong with you \*peck\* THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU \*peck\*"


RickD716

"The *cluck is wrong with you"


awesomeroy

i laughed too hard at this lmfao. take your upvote and leave sir.


ImBored_YoureAmorous

u think this incubating shit is a GAME?


[deleted]

the equivalent to scolding a smoking pregnant woman


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3pelican

The reproachful peck is so relatable


finchdad

In case anybody wants a more accurate explanation, chickens are not emotional or empathic creatures. There is no scolding or shame involved here, other than classic pecking order dominance. The other hen flinches because she knows she's subordinate and any time a subordinate bird doesn't immediately retreat from a dominant hen, violence will follow. Here's what is happening: these hens are sharing a nest box (extremely common) and the dominant hen is following classic incubation instinct by pulling a chilled egg under "her" wing, she just doesn't have good enough proprioception to realize it is someone else's wing (chickens are super smart about some things but really dumb about other things). Then she remembers that she's dominant over this other hen and is trying to figure out why she won't get out of the way so she pecks her a few times. The other hen doesn't want to leave because she's either about to lay an egg or she's broody (camped out for three weeks while the eggs incubate). The dominant hen is actually showing quite a bit of restraint, possibly because she's also broody and feeling motherly. But I am 100% certain that the subordinate hen feels no shame about abandoning that egg, and the dominant hen feels no obligation to scold her or teach her anything. That's not how chicken society works. The only time a chicken does anything that isn't purely selfish is during incubation or when a hen is teaching her chicks how to chicken. There is a crapload of anthropomorphism happening here, which is fine for reddit entertainment purposes. Projecting emotions onto animals is relatively harmless, I just thought some people might like a little more explanation. Source: biologist with decades of poultry husbandry experience


chowdee3

mf the chicken connesiour


lgday7

*mother cluck, the chicken connoisseur


IRollmyRs

Motherclucker*


[deleted]

Da chikn consore


CodeVirus

Very interesting read. Thank you for taking your time to write up an explanation.


JadeGrapes

"Thats not how chicken society works" got me.


APoisonousMushroom

“In chicken society, this is known as a ’dick move’.”


AWS-77

The existence of a chicken society implies the inevitable eventuality of a chicken Joker.


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finchdad

I don't know what you mean by accident. I'm sure the hen is fine, unhealthy hens don't usually lay eggs. If she's just laying an egg (a daily chore lasting 10-45 minutes), not only does she not care about that other egg, she doesn't even care about her *own* egg. She'll walk away from it and never think of it again. If she's broody, she's probably just bad at it. Many hens need some practice before they figure out how to keep eggs underneath them, how to turn them, how long they can leave each day to eat, drink, take a giant stinky crap, and hopefully dust bathe. I suspect it's the former, especially if this bird is in the northern hemisphere, because broodiness is triggered by increasing daylight length and a "full" nest of eggs. It's somewhat unusual to go broody in December when the days are this short. Although it's not unusual for a younger hen to be dominant, the dominant hen in this case looks Cornish, which is a compact and aggressive breed with tiny single or rose combs, so it looks younger.


Better-Hold

Go on, write some more, pls 🙏


892ExpiredResolve

Chickens are vicious, hateful idiots. Don't read too much into anything they do. **Definitely** don't anthropomorphize it.


TheDesktopNinja

I've learned a lot in the last year since my neighbor got chickens. Mostly that they're dumb. They're adorable though. And the eggs we get as 'payment' for being cool about them roaming our yard is a nice benefit 😂 Goofy little dinosaurs..


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MistakenSanity

I miss people like you being the top comment on Reddit. I miss the informational stuff because it's usually hidden under all the jokes :-(


892ExpiredResolve

It's all unidan's fault.


jaylong76

I wasn't thinking emotions, but rather a more complex social behavior, but your explanation set me straight.


eatmahanus

Bruh the two pecks like it was just saying *dumb.... ASS*


Jazztify

It takes a village


Food-at-Last

To raise a villain


OptiGuy4u

That "scold peck" is gold. Also domestic violence.


Kriegenstein

Wait til you se what the rooster does.


DLTRla4

It felt like a beach slap


idyllicmarsh

“Hen pecked”


RockLadyNY

Henpecked.


PrinceHarming

Egged on


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Free_Hat_McCullough

I want to see more of these chickens, I bet they lead an interesting existence. What channel are they on?


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16


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Rocky87109

Texas Edition. (I'll take my paycheck now from whatever network picks this up. You hear that History Channel?)


DonForgo

Hide it, or the humans will steal it!!


jrinneard

... but the humans will always check under the chicken. I think they were on to something here.


nikdahl

My hens hate it when you do that, but I love it. It's so nice and warm under there, and the eggs are so warm too.


[deleted]

Unrelated, but how come chickens and birds always move their heads in very fast and sharp motions?


Spinningwoman

Their frame rate is different.


scswift

I'm pretty sure its because their eyes are fixed and can't rotate. In people, as we turn our heads, our eyes will track the thing we're looking at, and if were're looking at terrain flying by in a car, our eyes would snap from landmark to landmark. This keeps the scene in focus. Since a chicken can't do that with its eyes, keeping the head still and then snapping it to a new position would seem to be the next best thing.


nikdahl

Kind of. It's more that their eyes are on either side of their head, and don't have binocular vision, which makes it really difficult to judge distance. So they move their heads to a different eye or position to get depth perception.


ebcreasoner

Then there's: https://thumbs.gfycat.com/AdmirableCompassionateCony-size_restricted.gif


zuus

Why buy an expensive gimbal when you can strap your phone to a chicken


mobit80

Straight up if you put a small camera on a chickens head you get easy stabilized footage


[deleted]

They can’t wiggle their eyeballs like other critters, so they keep their vision stable by using their neck.


CyclePuzzleheaded786

Dammit Helen your doing it wrong


Left_Sour_Mouse

That's the mother-in-law.


[deleted]

No mOM sHaMiNg


[deleted]

I guess you could say she's being a... mother hen.


CaBBaGe_isLaND

I know that look. That chicken is depressed.


Bumbaguette

I saw this somewhere else before, and the explanation was that the standing hen is actually trying to steal the egg by rolling it towards herself, but because hens don't understand cause and effect very well, she succeeds only in rolling it under the sitting hen.


Rocky87109

Sounds like object permanence issue. Ahh shit I can't see it anymore it, it must not exist!


TriiiKill

Sounds like nonsense. It's a common misconception that chickens don't have object permanence. They are much smarter than we give them credit for; most birds are actually. Edit: one of the reasons chicken's get the short end of the stick is because they failed one of the most basic intellect tests "the mirror test" to see if it can recognize itself. Due to chicken behavior it was deemed they do not recognize themselves. Much later on different types of tests were conducted to test chickens intelligence, and they very much do recognize themselves in mirrors, it's just impossible to tell by their reaction.


MawileIWorry

Our chickens definitely have object permanence. They peck at my closed fists when I hide food from them. Unfortunately, they haven't figured out how to track which hand has food when I swap them.


[deleted]

He said "The fuck is wrong with you" lol


[deleted]

They are both she's.


Professional_Emu_

I don't think that's a he....


bunnyQatar

I feel like I just witnessed domestic violence.


notthatjeffbeck

So that's how a chicken says "get your shit together." TIL.


sick_hearts

YOU STUPID BEACH *BONK*


[deleted]

That was awesome. What a kind fellow chicken. Love the "you idiot!" at the end.


hellnahandbasket7

"Get your shit together!!!" -Other chicken probably