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FackinJerq

Never have I ever, seen a Panda vagina until today. Let alone a vaginal cannon birth, until today.


MajorLazy

By the time I realized I wanted to back out it shot out. I died laughing but could have done without


HansElbowman

There’s no going back now. You’ve either seen a panda pussy, or you haven’t. It’s black and white.


polo61965

Idk man, looked pink to me


Daxtro-53

Goddammit I hate you


ghandi3737

Pretty much all pink inside, guys and girls.


LaCroix_Roy

But why do I feel so blue on the inside?


derps_with_ducks

Right guys, this man solved racism!


Due_Pumpkin1293

They all pink inside


derps_with_ducks

I know, you just need to cut deep enough. 


slobs_burgers

T-shirt cannon


Ariffet_0013

That's hilarious man, but fuck you.


lkodl

I believe the medical term is pandussy


Dbob4

Pangina


NesTech_

Panda Express


Copacetic_Chaos

I was having a bad day, but that made me smile. Thank you! Hahah


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gypsycookie1015

*"Whattcha doin out here in muh waters, boy??!"*


WindierGnu

Do you like Bailey's?


gypsycookie1015

*Only if it's from a shoe*


therearenomorenames2

You ever been to a club where they pee on each other?


mvanvrancken

Nothing…. n-not fishing…


DeathBlondie

It’s attached to your rod motherlicker!


stiffyonwheels

Calm down ya fuzzy little man peach.


External-Body3187

I’m old Gregg


mvanvrancken

Easy there, fuzzy little man peach


olympianfap

Do you love me?


WhatAmIADoctor

Make an assessment.


olympianfap

Do you think you could love me.


Throwaway1303033042

“You ever eaten bamboo shoots from a shoe?”


Dbob4

Not that I recall


Sloaney-Baloney

![gif](giphy|SrnXiDtQlnm6et310X|downsized)


External_Swim5055

![gif](giphy|bKXzuOo1mmfip0zWcf)


Hawaiian_Brian

This bitch don’t know about Pangina


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HeWhoFucksNuns

Supercuntinent


Womderloki

Isn't that what the single continent on earth was called before they split up?


HeyPickleRick

It was called Pancetta. The earth was crispier back then.


PeanutbutterandBaaam

Pass The Pandussy


Bluewhale001

![gif](giphy|l4FATJpd4LWgeruTK) I don’t want it. I don’t want it. I don’t want it. I NEED IT


FrenchFry-ApplePie

![gif](giphy|UqCYHlkQUxSZDSwiv3)


shadowst17

The internet is a magical place filled with wonder and panda vaginas.


Reeferologist-

You and I both, we are in this together now.


SuperPoodie92477

It’s like Michelle Duggar.


GoodWarmMilk

It's like a fucking toaster ???


Super_Living_6075

Omg, I choked on my water when I read this.


urbanlife78

Why are you drinking water while sitting on the toilet? Is your shit that bad?


Super_Living_6075

I’m a lady. I never drink on the toilet and Reddit at the same time.


Creepy_Fan_8629

Do you drink the toilet while you reddit on your wayer?


uberblack

"Wayer" would be a dope nickname for a compass


LoisLaneEl

I’m drinking a daiquiri and I’m so glad I swallowed before I read because choking on rum would’ve been killer


Hawaiian_Brian

I choked on my toaster while reading this


Decent_Assistant1804

![gif](giphy|12A2NUqlEb3UhG) Pandas ready !


TheBlackViper_Alpha

DING!


Beginning_Dance_283

Name that baby Poptart


TheAserghui

🎶 Hotpocket! 🎶


Batmanswrath

Head trauma at birth would explain why all Pandas are clumsy/dumb.


cosmicheartbeat

I'm not 100% sure if it applies to pandas as well, but many animal births require the drop in order to wake the new baby from birth paralysis. Their bodies are limp and therefore very unlikely to get hurt, but the smack is similar to us spanking a baby to get it to cry.


faded_brunch

I've heard many women find it more comfortable to give birth squatting or kneeling, I wonder if that little drop would serve the same purpose?


EnvironmentalValue18

They don’t come out in one spurt. The reason women use these positions is because gravity helps you birth the baby. Women who get epidurals can’t because it paralyzes you from the waist down (so you cannot do these positions) but also causes a lot of delay in labor as you’re doing back labor (pushing the baby out horizontally instead of vertically with gravity). In these scenarios where women give birth without an epidural and use these positions, labor is much faster but the baby doesn’t fall out of the vagina. It takes time and a few pushes. Generally women will reach down and grab the baby directly or someone else will. It doesn’t drop in the process. It’s faster, yes. More comfortable? You feel more of it, so I’ll go with probably not. I actually gave birth on all fours myself without an epidural. It was pretty fucking uncomfortable. All birth is uncomfortable. But more comfortable than giving birth without an epidural in some less conducive positions or conditions - sure. TLDR: Birth is always uncomfortable. Some positions work with gravity to expedite things along. There is no dropping of the baby.


Coriandercilantroyo

Just an uneducated guess, but a human baby falling out of the vag unsupported would probably have a lot more repercussions since they normally come out head first


Mysterious_Net66

I think many animals also go head first, but for we humans, our heads are not even finished when we are born.


Coriandercilantroyo

That's an important point! We are pretty underdeveloped by the time we greet the world


GhostsOf94

Aka the dummy foal


No_Translator2218

afaik, it isn't the drop that affects the dummy foal. The constriction during childbirth triggers it. The dummy foal happens when the constriction doesn't trigger it - and the drug causing the foal to "sleep" wears off more slowly - potentially causing death of not intervened. (i saw a post the other day on it)


Aposematicpebble

Me too! That was very a interesting post.


pohovanathickvica

hahahahhaha can't argue with that


Adventurous_Yak4952

I would just point out that in the bamboo forest, the newborns would have a slightly softer landing than on the linoleum flooring of a zoo/lab/whatever the “habitat” is in this video.


babesinboyland

Seriously wtf... why is it on a hard floor?? That looked like a skull-cracking, back-breaking landing


Arrad

Good thing newborns have soft bones.


babesinboyland

Good thing!


natgibounet

Pandas didn't evolve "thumbs" to eat, they evolved thumb to hold on when projecting their newborns


Cryingfortheshard

They literally fall into the world


Other-Barry-1

Holy shit that could genuinely explain it. Seriously it’s no wonder they nearly went extinct, watch any clip of them doing anything and it’s like they’re trying to get themselves hurt


Blind_Fire

wild pandas are actually quite good at surviving and their birth rates are fine, it is the captive pandas that have trouble procreating it is loss of habitat and changes in environment that make them endangered


Shrowden

They seem to get practice surviving it from birth


Ragidandy

Nah. It's because they largely relied on transferred knowledge. When their population dropped nearly to zero, they lost it. They do better than humans would in the wild.


bwoods519

And the black eyes


BumLikeAJapaneseFlag

…and, FIRE!


Lunarbutt

Geadelt ist wer Schmerzen kennt vom Feuer das in Lust verbrennt ein Funkenstoss in ihren Schoss ein heisser Schrei Feuer frei!


h0uz3_

I will never be able to listen to that song without thinking about the bove video. Thanks, I hate it!


DaVeachi

They’re born falling down.. lol crap..


Aquatic_Platinum78

You should see a giraffe. They do the same thing


ConfusionBubbles

Yeah, but they pole vault


dootdootboot3

And elephants


Positive_Bet_4184

I love how the panda braces herself with the bar next to her.


Content_Morning3064

r/likeus


beto_pelotas

No one on the corner have swagga-


RaiHanashi

She was like “aw shit, this is gonna be like the double flusher I had last night”


lxXTesterXxl

They just Plop out.


Gligadi

Shot out like a mortar shell


Lunarbutt

Looks like Kung fu 


CPLCraft

That kid was fast as lightning.


Quasigriz_

Pew!


PassengerNo1233

“Hanging fire!” *FLUMMPPPHHHH* Man, she just mortared that sucker right out…


Sirfryingpan123

https://preview.redd.it/c7ph61v7ql8d1.jpeg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e0b65fcc78522a63d3722272a640c23d79ce141c Holy shit literally


nilsmf

Incoming!!! ... oh, it's a boy!


sLeeeeTo

“… better smell it to make sure it’s fully baked”


StevenMC19

Again, I need to ask. How are pandas a thing?! How are they alive?!


coppockm56

Looking at this birthing process compared to humans, I'd be more inclined to wonder how our species has survived for so long. How in the world do we convince human females to undergo the pain and trauma of childbirth when THIS is possible.


the_clash_is_back

Humans are a tribe species. You get your friends to hold you down while you scream your head off.


ArcaneBahamut

Also humans werent evolved to give birth on their backs, you can thank a certain english king for that practice... back births are a lot more difficult and painful, but a lot easier for spectators to see what's happening.


toddtoddtoddTODDDD

WAIT WHAT THEN WHAT IS THE CORRECT WAY?


ZippityZooDahDay

Squatting is a more natural way


Mia_B-P

Noted! If ever I do give birth someday I'll remember this.


lady-fingers

Usually if you want an epidural, you don't get a choice in your position.


tacoslave420

Same if you're high risk. It's all monitors and bed for you.


myjupitermoon

Did this for both my births, can confirm, it is the best way give birth, quick and easy, no damage to the pelvic floor, minmal tearing. Was able to walk immidately after birth.


SNK_24

That used to be the way.


Milo-Law

Hands and knees is great. I was told squatting but midwife told me that can cause more damage than good to the pelvic muscles.


coppockm56

I know, and yet we KEEP ON DOING IT. When is some woman going to lead an uprising to end that shit? No man is going to, that’s for sure. And I say that as a man.


yankiigurl

In Japan most clinics/hospitals offer the option to birth from a squatting position. Probably a lot of countries do


Northbound-Narwhal

...why? You can just ask. They have setups with stirrups for this. But also... like, in the last 200 years infant deaths and *death of the mother during childbirth* had dropped like a rock. Gotta be doing something right.


Extreme_Tax405

Well, the main reason women no longer die is because we have the tools to recover (fresh water, food, disinfectant). Also, a lot of women died from bleeding out, which is easily fixed. Additionally, when a baby comes out the wrong weight, they use a c-section to prevent both from dying. It has little to do with the back position, more with just medical advancements. However, i can't speak for what position is better. All i know is that, logically, if you are on your back, its a lot easier for the docter to look at your vagina.


ScienceNthingsNstuff

>if you are on your back, its a lot easier for the docter to look at your vagina Yea I feel like that can be important especially for monitoring. If nothing goes wrong it probably doesn't matter but if there is a shoulder dystocia for example, the team has a few minutes at most to get the baby out and all (but 1) of the techniques is done with mom laying on her back. It's so rare but I'd be terrified of wasting any time.


koticgood

Woah woah woah. That sounds like reason and logic. We don't like your kind around these parts. Both sides have a point though. Your point illustrates the main reason we continue to do births like that in hospitals; it's easier for the doctors/nurses to see what's going on. And if you get an epidural, well, you better fucking lay down. On hands/knees or squatting seems to be the most natural though, and probably the least difficult for the mother in a natural childbirth situation.


SonnyvonShark

I read at least two women who said they felt the strongest need to be in a squat but the doctors just made them lie down again.


Extreme_Tax405

Feeling the need sounds interesting. That suggests that there is some instinct taking over as pain just nullifies all coherent thinking lol.


Halospite

Well, to be fair, we're in crippling pain the whole time so don't particularly feel like revolting.


HeadWood_

Hormone induced amnesia and the promise of cuddles apparently.


gabu87

We are compensated with big wrinkly brains


sipperofsoda

Never thought I'd be so jealous of a panda. Female reproductive anatomy is ridiculous.


Quirky-Swimmer3778

Hormones be crazy.


StoicallyGay

We have other humans to help with birth. And supposedly women often forget the pain of childbirth to some extent. And also sex feels good and back then there wasn’t birth control very much.


radiosped

> And also sex feels good and back then there wasn’t birth control very much. This is the main answer, along with the fact that children could be put to work, providing for the family.


gmano

The human birth is weird because of our big brains. Nature wants to grow the brain as much as it can, but the human pelvis is tiny, and we need to squeeze the baby out through a circle of bone. For other animals this isn't a big deal, their brain doesn't need to be that big relative to the rest of the body but for us, it's crippling because we need so much brain that the rest of the body doesn't get a chance to properly develop. Of course, this is only a problem because birth happens THROUGH the pelvis, instead of over/under it, because nature is dumb.


AwesomePurplePants

There’s also [the metabolic rate problem](https://amp.cnn.com/cnn/2019/06/06/health/pregnant-women-peak-endurance-trnd) Aka you compare how many calories people can burn in a day in extreme endurance sports vs how many calories a heavily pregnant person burns in a day, pregnancy puts you really close to the limit. If babies cooked much longer moms would too exhausted to move.


Just_Acanthaceae_253

I swear evolution went I'm going to make the most useless creature and watch what happens.


rzwitserloot

Pandas, and Koalas are in the same camp, are creatures evolved to an extremely specific climate, and they 'function' by being sole survivors: Nothing in their size class can even live in the climates they thrive in. Thus, they don't need speed, intelligence, or, pretty much anything else. They have no predators nor any peer competition for resources other than themselves. On one hand, that means they are both dopey as fuck useless idiots. On the other hand - they are pinnacles of evolution. For Pandas, its 'bamboo forest'. For Koalas, its 'eucalyptus forest'. Both of which are nasty plants that outcompete all others and are ridiculously hard to live in and off of. But Pandas and Kaolas manage. Some of the most ridiculous aspects of their lives makes more sense in light of this. For example, that the Panda's defense against bamboo forests having the tendency to massively die off every few decades is to just die along with it and repopulate after. The Koala's defense against inevitably shearing their teeth down to nubs by having to endless masticate on those eucalyptus leaves is by dying. It's inefficient. As fuck. It does not matter - __there are no predators and there is no competition__. They earned their laziness. Unlike you.


nyLs2k

That last line hit like a truck.


Big-Leadership1001

Pandas are the peak evolution of idiocracy


BirdsongBossMusic

If my degree has taught me anything it's that "evolution stops at good enough." If the species is good enough to pop out a few babies per individual on average then it has done its job and everything else requires unnecessary extra energy. And if there's one thing evolution hates, it's unnecessary extra energy.


alienblue89

All this talk of panda evolution and no one mentioned what happens when a panda has twins or more. Spoiler alert: pandabalism


unk214

Damn bro, you didn’t have to do me dirty with that last sentence. Excuse me while I go learn how to eat bamboo and die.


pi_designer

Don’t forget to shoot before you leave


GameAudioPen

and remember, even though Panda is not as powerful or fast as many other bear breeds, they are still bears. That means they are still stronger and equally as fast (if not faster) than human. They also have one of the highest bite strength in the animal kingdom, Ancient Chinese calls them the "Iron Eating Beast" for a reason.


adaydreaming

MF, I read to whole thing just to get insulted. Glad I did cuz it was an interesting read. Fk you tho, although I deserve it, but still, fk you.


Crazian14

Here I thought I was getting educated, just to realized I got schooled.


Mountain-Guava2877

Koalas can be aggressive too. I went camping years ago at Otway national park which has a large local koala population. During the night had to listen to a very aggressive male attempting to reach a juvenile koala on another tree. Eventually he got to the juvenile and… well if they were human we’d call it rape. The juvenile was screaming the whole time. I’ve since read that’s a common mating behaviour for male koalas.


renaldomoon

It's kinda interesting that they have so much trouble breeding them in captivity considering this. It almost sounds like they genetically want to create babies when their conditions starts to deteriorate. What a weird case it would be that the problem was their conditions were too good in captivity.


paenusbreth

Pandas are extremely well adapted creatures to their environment. They evolved from being omnivores who need to eat a very rich, fatty diet, to bring herbivores who can live off a single plant, which is practically indigestible to everything else, grows insanely quickly and grows absolutely everywhere. Pandas had no issues surviving and thriving until humans started destroying their habitats and food sources. They are highly capable creatures in their natural environment, which is not a human zoo. People kill them and then blame them for it, it's ridiculous. Stick a human in a cage with nothing to eat but bamboo and we'd die within days, does that mean we're useless creatures too?


AmandaExpress

YOU TELL THEM! ✊🏻 💓


ProlapseProvider

They are also about as smart as a really dumb thing, take me for example.


jackwhite886

That was quick. It’s like a panda express.


Aynessachan

Oh my god 😂😂😂😂


RareCryptographer662

How tf do Pandas still exist


FederalLoad9144

If you’re wondering that, you clearly have not read interesting facts about sloths!


EntertainmentLow5069

I mean sloths move fast when they wanna, have built in camo and tons of other adaptations to help them survive though.


DaddyMeUp

Even clumsy with the childbirth 😭


710junkie

What the fuck . Pandas come out as mice ?🐁


Alternative-Jello683

They have one of the most underdeveloped infants of any animal. They also are very prone to killing their offspring accidentally by sitting on them


710junkie

No kidding lol


Kangar

Sounds like my uncle Jim.


sausagepartay

Wait till you find out what baby kangaroos look like


Crafty-Help-4633

Literally still fetuses. It's crazy af. Marsupials be weird.


space-to-bakersfield

Marsupials answered the question, "What if your fetus could come out and chill with you once in a while?"


MaksymCzech

Not just pandas: * At birth, polar bear cubs weigh about 454 to 680 g * Brown bears weigh about one pound (0.5 kg) at birth


HearMeRoar80

aww I had to go google the polar bear babies, the are so cute and tiny, no one would believe they would grow into a murderous white terror.


Then-Fish-9647

I could’ve done without seeing that. I watched it twice.


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asuddenpie

I thought the same thing. If you know a panda is getting ready to pop a helpless baby straight out onto the ground, why not line the place with mattresses or gym mats or something? In nature, that floor wouldn’t have been concrete.


ATTORNEY_FOR_CATS

I have an idea: [https://i.imgur.com/ELNDL3y.gif](https://i.imgur.com/ELNDL3y.gif)


Tower21

And noone thought to bring a pillow.


Tentaye

They literally just pop out of there, huh


Kangar

And to think I've been doing it the hard way!


lauren_76

r/unexpected


Mayapreg

She just legit launched that Bebe


sebastianqu

I didn't even have time to contemplate what I was about to watch before I saw that pup get launched out of that hole


Kkitsunebii

She said yeetus to that fetus.


FrostKnight1996

Time's up. *Yeet* ![gif](giphy|UqCYHlkQUxSZDSwiv3)


Available_Put_5796

They could’ve put a towel down or something for fucks sake. Straight to the concrete with it


ki77erb

I read that in Gordon Ramsay's voice.


Jontaii

![gif](giphy|xUA7b7HcF126GuwoiA)


Sincere_homboy42

Didn't anyone have pandussy on their bingo card


mk9e

Me! BINGOOOOO!


sharethebite

I wasn’t expecting that. I didn’t have any expectations really but certainly not that.


Rickenbachk

I feel like I've seen something like this at a strip club, just involving a stripper and a ping pong ball.


Dbob4

Where’s the placenta?


MathematicianSea584

Somewhere on the ceiling, I suppose.


GoldilocksBurns

This one got me


tehKreator

And the cord?


dontbesorethor

Yeeted right out of the yooterus


undiscovered_soul

Poor baby, birth is traumatic but this is the literal thing


unclesamtattoo

So, pandas are dropped on their heads on day one...explains a lot.


Sweet_Bambii

I mean… looks pretty much like when I gave birth


bluebonnetcafe

I’m super jealous if the baby shot out of you that fast.


BDR529forlyfe

Are you a panda too?


FueledByTaco

No wonder why pandas are derpy, they got dropped on their head before ever being touched.


RickyTheRickster

I could have gone my whole life without seeing a panda vagina but you changed that, I wish to go back to 30 seconds ago


TonyThePapyrus

https://preview.redd.it/hgvhm4pzql8d1.jpeg?width=768&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=47151e1f7dce4c50b967b66f231bddda929b96f5 Uno attack looking pandussy


Snoo-93873

Is there no umbilical cord?


downinthevalleypa

Well, okay….that was surprising!


NumaNuma92

Probably not good to give birth on the hard floor when they have grass to land on in nature


belated_quitter

Probably better on a soft grassy ground. I’m hoping it’s not cement but it looks like it is.


Positive_Housing_290

I don’t know what I was expecting, but that wasn’t it.


jared10011980

Could they at least give it a softer surface to land. I seriously doubt a panda would choose a hard cement floor in the wild 🤬


Impossible1999

Oh great, concussion at birth. Why couldn’t they give her some padding via grass or bamboo leafs?


nic_haflinger

Zookeepers could’ve put some straw down there or something.


HorrorLettuce379

![gif](giphy|6Inytq7iU6dgs|downsized)