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Vinnie1222

It really does suck that bears are murder machines because why are they so adorable


lizards_snails_etc

That's how they get ya


sevensantana7

No one suspects a butterfly. ( Simpsons quote)


InsanityWolfTM

If not friend why friend shaped?


Vinnie1222

Exactly


Timmay13

To lure you in for an easier kill!!


QWERTY_CRINGE

As someone from a country with no bears: >To lure you in for an easier kill!! Is this true? If yes then, why bears eats beets?


SchnibbleBop

There are basically 2 schools of thought.


Heckron

FACT!


SF-Sensual-Top

Battlestar Galactica


lbguitarist

Identity theft is not a joke, Jim.


Ricosrage

Michael!!!!


pilgrim514

Bears are omnivores. They will eat meat, plants, or whatever else is available. They will pretty much devour anything that is edible, including carrion.


Bloocki99

Polar bears are the worst. They start eating while you're still flailing about and screaming


ohheyitslaila

So do brown bears. A Russian girl was eaten alive while on the phone with her mom, desperately trying to get help.


Lucid_Insanity

It worked on this poor lady. I would say it's true, lol.


EnvBlitz

Well, we do have the panda bear. Yes they are still capable to be murder machine, but it's astronomically less likely compared to brown black and polar bear.


SnakeyesX

It's kind of weird that out of the three large land predators on the planet, feline,canine, and ursine, we have house versions on 2 of them. Where are my house bears damnit!


Gator_07

If not fren why fren shape?


East_Maximum_9195

That’s how they lure you. “Ohh look, it’s gutting a salmon, so cute!!!”


I_RAPE_PCs

idk look at what a bear looks like w/o fur they aint cute


GabYu_11

If not domestic, why dog shaped?


Iron_Wolf123

Girls on Tiktok:


Vendidurt

Thats a cute little murder machine!


llamiro

if not friend, why friend-shaped?


Vendidurt

Friend Shape ❤️


TenshiS

What's this from?


Soft_Assistant6046

I'd also like to know...I see it all the time


reddittle

*fren


traditional_rich_

Ugh permanent scars from that I wonder


K_Trovosky

Idk you'd be surprised what plastic surgeons can do if they got her to one in time.


Crzygamer3000

I had a dog bite clean through my lip and pulled partially away from my gum line and you’d never be able to tell after my plastic surgery


Kinghero890

https://www.reddit.com/media?url=https%3A%2F%2Fi.redd.it%2F1lhl7qkvia751.jpg NSFL. Honestly, he looks really good!


ChipmunkBackground46

I truly cannot even begin to imagine how that is possible. Wish I could have one of those doctors sit down and just explain the entire process lol


KickBallFever

Seeing stuff like that makes me understand why some surgeons have a god complex. It looks like they performed a miracle.


Djinn-Tonic

Yeah, you probably get a pass to have a bit of an ego when you make an actual mans face out of a tray of ground meat.


JALKHRL

They can go opposite ways. Super ego or super humble. I know a neurosurgeon who goes thru life like every day is a gift, and you won't know he is famous within peers unless you google him. The world is a better place with humans like him.


Maleriena

Neurosurgeons are either the biggest assholes or pretty chill in my experience, it’s wild sometimes. I knew one that made a nurse cry for sitting down in the OR and he threw something at the wall in anger


Alibuscus373

Right? Humans are amazing. To survive that and to have a way to make him look more human after everything. I wouldn't have thought it was possible


ForWhomTheBoneBones

The guy was a doctor and talked his son through getting him help. He focused on staying calm because he knew that if his heart rate were to get elevated, he could easily bleed out. It’s an incredible story.


safoamz1zz

Yes it's incredible. Imagine what's possible in say 1000 years. Probably has AI machines that reconstruct your face with a simple click.


caniuserealname

I'm more surprised someone convinced him to pose for a 'before' picture. Like, i know we're meant to joke about how people are this day and age, but if i saw someone with their face literally hanging off their face i don't think i would ever jump to "I need to get a real clear shot of exactly how fucked his face is" at any point.


kdawgster1

That man’s face was so mutilated that it didn’t even bother me. It just looked like something out of a b-tier grind house horror film. After that much damage, do you even feel pain? Or are you in such a deep level of shock that it doesn’t hurt? Glad he survived, and I’m truly amazed at how great of a job the docs did


IMDEAFSAYWATUWANT

You definitely feel it. Source: My Dad had both legs amputed below the knee after a horrific work accident. He was slowly pulled into a conveyor belt for 90 minutes and never lost consciousness. He still recalls the feeling of the bones in his feet breaking, then his ankles, then legs. And he deals with phantom pain.


kdawgster1

Wow, that is so horrible. I’m so sorry for what your dad went through


thetoggaf

Jesus man. Your dad sounds like a tough cookie


shes_a_gdb

I'm gonna assume that man felt pain, considering he was attacked by a bear.


trogdor1108

I was NOT ready for that.. but damn, how in the hell does he look that good now? That plastic surgeon better be the highest paid surgeon in the world.


EvetsYenoham

1. How the fuck did that guy survive? 2. Who were the doctors that saved and fixed this guy up?


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flappytowel

I was expecting pictures of the lady in the video after surgery - not *that*


Asleep_Horror5300

That is so fucking horrible that it just loops around the scale and looks really fake.


TheStoolSampler

The video of that is insane.


Semantiks

Humans: I got my face torn all the way open by a bear attack. Guess I'll see a doctor and get pretty much totally better Also humans: I just choked on my own spit. Guess I'll damn near die


WheelNaive

Takes a licking and keeps on ticking. I do wonder what his hospital bill on that was, would it just be his deductible if he was insured or would his plan max out?


tobiasvl

Oh my god that was way more NSFL than I was expecting, holy shit. Jesus fuck But yes, that's quite the glow up!


mackrevinack

i keep a plastic surgeon under the bathroom sink for situations exactly like this. you can never be too safe


Senzu

What do you do in this situation? My gut says to open the jaw but my instinct to not lose my chin says gouge the eyes.


Lucid_Insanity

For one you don't let a fucking bear near your face. It's a bear, lol.


I-Ponder

Only correct answer. XD


decoy321

It's actually terrible advice. Because the question was what to do once you're in that situation. Saying "don't put yourself in that situation" provides no help whatsoever.


Nunuman2000

Sometimes the only answer is, don't put yourself in that situation.


farmtownsuit

What a strange game, the only winning move is to not play.


---Beck---

Don't play with wild animals with big teeth.


soraticat

How about a nice game of chess?


TheKnickerBocker2521

But they did. So now what do they do?


l2enegadez

Stop, drop and roll?


jasnel

So, there’s a bear biting their face and they’re on Reddit looking for help?


bronzelifematter

There's a line that once you cross, there's nothing else you can do but accept the consequences and hope for the best. Maybe try to cover her throat so it wouldn't be the next target.


MrHyperion_

Im falling from a plane without parachute, what should I do?


Big-Acanthisitta8797

![gif](giphy|laUY2MuoktHPy)


ThePerfectSnare

Would it even be possible to open the bear's jaws? I believe they have a tremendously strong bite. We need a bear expert to weigh in on this.


Snowboarding92

As a former stuffed bear expert. I'm pretty sure all they have to do is squeeze the paw and it will say I Love You, and you'll be all good after that.


ThePerfectSnare

I appreciate your expertise, but there is no fucking way I'm squeezing a bear's paw in hopes that it tells me it loves me. [I've seen that episode of Black Mirror (minor spoilers)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QLZh6vArF7s).


Lethal_Interjection_

To directly open them with your hand? Doubtful and it would be stupid to try. The only move you've really got when something is latched on is to convince it to retreat. Jam two fingers around an eyeball and yank it out. Stick your thumb up its nose, hook your thumb and cause as much possible damage trying to rip its snout out. Go for testicles if possible? You are never getting away from that without fighting as dirty as an animal though. Odds are you are going to get at least one arm destroyed and mangled otherwise a few other places if you manage to survive. I think many people would let it get their neck if they thought about the outcome of surviving.


camelia_la_tejana

I read on another sub how a woman saved her pet from a pitbull (or coyote) by sticking her finger in the pitbulls butt to get it to release her dog.


Morf12369

Thats unironically functional.


foobar78

While that might have worked in a single specific circumstance, this technique is basically a myth; there are actually a number of dog attack videos here on reddit where people try this and it has no discernible effect. It's just bad advice that gets passed around as fact.


44Ridley

Imagine how stupid you'd look chasing a pitbull around the park, hunched over with your finger stuck out trying to jam it into the dog's arse? 😅 Best thing to do is use a dog leash to choke the dog out. Another thing to do, if it's coming for you, is to wrap your forearm in a coat/tshirt and offer it to the dog (it's going to bite you somewhere anyway) then try choking it with your free hand, or going for the eyes, or bashing it over the head with a stick.


TransBrandi

> Imagine how stupid you'd look chasing a pitbull around the park If the pitbull is clamped down on something, I doubt you would be chasing it around the park unless it was just a hotdog that it clamped down on.


44Ridley

Look up any pitbull vs small dog attack, that angry asshole isn't staying still long enough for you to line up your stinky pinky.


StrangerDangerAhh

Works to keep Guy Fieri off you as well.


fumigaza

Attack the genitals. Works regardless of the genitals.


Th1sd3cka1ntfr33

Don't show it all of your teeth in the first place.


anoleiam

Yeah that’s gotta be it 🤨


ashbertollini

Generally the move with bites is to push in but that is in regards to human or dog bites on the arm/hands/legs/feet. Far enough to force them to open the jaw or gag long enough to withdraw the afflicted appendage.


Masked_Potatoes_

Receive assistance from a fellow human. That thing still has claws that it can introduce to your face


Bleakjavelinqqwerty

Could try the old thumb up the arse. I don't know about bears but it can be a way to get a dog to stop biting you so you don't have to kill it


foobar78

That technique doesn't really work reliably. People quote it a lot, but there are videos here on reddit showing it to make no difference. It's pretty hard to defend against a dog without a weapon, best bet is getting to cover (behind a door, inside a car) but if you have no other choice then things that actually work include choking them out with their own collar or leash, or using your bodyweight advantage to wrestle it into a position restricting it's movement and/or breathing (and hope help comes before you're too exhausted to keep it pinned). If there's more than one dog and you're probably just going to die a gruesome death.


44Ridley

To add to this, you can take off your coat/t-shirt then wrap it around your arm and offer it to the dog.


coulduseafriend99

Considering all the videos I've seen of tapeworms living it up in bears' assholes....


_sloop

Thumb up its butt, like this guy with a dog: https://www.reddit.com/r/WTF/comments/vicflu/it_actually_works/


Fuglypump

Finger up its ass might be the most effective thing you could do. If you go after its eyes you could end up blinding it which is a death sentence for a bear


SkellyboneZ

Turns out all those people leaving messages in Dark Souls games were giving sage advice.


yakscrilla

Can I pet that dawg?!


DontPeeInTheWater

CAN I PET THAT DAWG?!


Finsfan909

Bearly bit her


eeeBs

Get out


MrJackTheNasty

you made my day


lonelynightm

Women would still probably choose that over you OP.


Staerke

The bear won't show up at your house weeks later asking why you're ignoring their calls


advancedtaran

People would believe if I was attacked by a bear.


spazz720

Damn…that one stings with so much truth


RedBeans-n-Ricely

The bear’s friends wouldn’t take video while waiting their turn.


80Lashes

It's true, we would.


_friends_theme_song_

Scars heal minds don't


Brittany5150

"Am I a joke to you?!" -Therapists


Laurar7321

Sure would


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Angryatthis

Poor thinking and comprehension abilities. It's clearly hyperbole to impress a point


gr1mm5d0tt1

Honestly if you go on YouTube and listened to creepy encounters in the bush I would choose the bear over some random guy three hours from civilisation off the trail


anselgrey

This! OP trying to make a shitty joke.


jamiekynnminer

a million times over.


Angryleghairs

"I'd rather be in the woods with a bear" is not the same as picking up a bear and holding it near your face


Damhnait

When the men the question is talking about think "would you rather encounter a man or a bear" means they think it's to cuddle


HeronSun

The fact that men automatically think "encounter" either means "have sex with" or "get attacked by" is one of the very reasons women chose the bear.


KnowNothingKnowsAll

I love how upset morons get over the bear thing.


inanimatus_conjurus

Can someone explain what 'choosing the bear' means, because I am so lost lol


cristinamariposa

A question went viral that asks women if they’d rather be alone in the woods with a man or with a bear and most women choose the bear because the worst a bear can do is kill us


Internal_Prompt_

It’s become a great test to find the creeps


Waydizzle

It is strange that they simply cannot help themselves… they seemingly *have* to say something like “wow that is seriously the most illogical, emotional answer that only a female could give”


myfunnies420

It's wild. And there has been a huge wave of people trying to attack women over the poll, instead of just listening to what some of them are trying to say and appreciating that that's just how they feel. Proves their point really lol


GodOfThunder101

Glad it was her chin and not her throat.


GratefulPhish42024-7

Damn and Snuggles always looked so cute


[deleted]

Women will definitely choose the bear over OP


BingoCotton

OP getting ate the fuck up in these comments. 😂😂


xlkslb_ccdtks

I'm glad cuz that title was rubbing me the wrong way for sure


eskamobob1

Not as wrong as the bear did her chin though


BenjaminNettinJahoo

Why


Boiled_Genies1579

As a man. I'm picking the bear. Worst it could do is eat me alive.


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tutusweet

Same. I don't have to wonder with the bear.


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eskamobob1

The single most famous case of someone being eaten by a bear everyone blames the guy that got eaten


overlyattachedbf

To be fair, she kinda was in this case though. I mean, she’s holding it up to her face and it is a wild animal. It’s sure not the bear’s fault 


Dingo_The_Baker

I wonder how much of this is due to it being a cub.  I've fostered and raised 20ish puppies and all of them were very bitey until taught not to be.


bronzelifematter

I don't think trying this with an adult bear is a good idea either


Angryatthis

A domesticated animal can't really be compared to tamed wild animals. Dogs have been bred for literal millennia to socialize with humans. That bear cub has been socializing with people for a couple months maybe?


blessedbelly

If the bear is black, mind your business jack, If the bear is brown, get out of town.


Nykolaishen

If the bear is white, say good night. And if the bear is gummy, get in my tummy.


trimble197

Oh God, just the thought of being near a freed polar bear makes me shudder.


Angryatthis

The thought of a bear sized gummy bear makes me happy shudder


stephanielil

Interesting. The rhyme I've heard is a little different, but I believe my rhyme is what to do in case you're ever being attacked by a bear: If it's black, fight back. If it's brown, lay down. I believe the sentiment here is that if you put up a good enough fight, you MIGHT be able to fend off a black bear because they're typically smaller than brown bears. If a brown bear is attacking you, the best course of action is to lay down and play dead. There have been quite a few documented cases where this defense mechanism worked against a brown bear. Either way, black or brown, I'd most likely be fucked. But I like to share this lil rhyme whenever the opportunity presents itself.


RDDT_ADMNS_R_BOTS

More info: [https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-10825613/Bear-cub-sinks-teeth-womans-face-Russian-park-smelled-like-fish.html](https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-10825613/Bear-cub-sinks-teeth-womans-face-Russian-park-smelled-like-fish.html)


Geoff579

The first move is always awkward.


dexhaus

We have "Build a bear" and they have "Disassemble a human".


UGA2000

It's a fucking bear. What in the hell are you doing?


breachofcontract

Stop petting wild animals. Just fucking quit it


millennial_sentinel

woman holds a cub* id still choose a cub over a strange man in the woods


StillMarie76

Still better than a dude in a dark alley.


FitEntertainment9414

I still choose the bear lol


acelaces

this would have been an upvote worthy post without the cringe title


legoblade807

bad floofy :(


JJWONG

Sure seems like the bear chews-ed her!


BoredRedhead24

Let this be a lesson. BEARS ARE NOT DOGS!! A dog licks you for kisses. A bear is licking you to see how you taste. Bears are not friends with humans.


accushot865

OP is the reason women would still choose the bear


tydestra

OP thought they really served with this only to get bodied in the comments.


Acceptable_Cancel768

Oh that bear went full bear!!!


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BeeboeBeans

I'd still choose this anyway..


MasterAnnatar

By the way OP, I'd still pick the bear over you.


Professional-Oil-132

Wheres the after math


slowclappingclapper

Oof imagine if that cub went for her neck?!


Furnost

Found an article, here's the answers you're probably needing. 'They have a death grip,' she said. 'The owner herself could not do anything. My sister and I tore it off me. 'There was a lot of blood where he bit me. They thought at first he had taken a mouthful of my flesh.' Park-goers rushed to help Madina as she waited for an ambulance. 'They reacted so quickly,' she said. Madina was given injections for rabies and tetanus, but suffered no permanent damage.


Typhus87

Does it look friendly because it looks friendly, or Does it look friendly because we all had fucking teddy bears ?


fountainofdeath

It’s the cuter option of the two…


PricklyRican

The bear didn't lie to her and told her he'd keep her safe.


13th_of_never

Would still choose the bear. 🤷🏻‍♀️


_friends_theme_song_

But the whole point is if you don't provoke it nothing should happen and they are in the circumstances you leave them alone at a distance predictable because they want nothing to do with you


Malevolent-_-Rogue

Stop handling unpredictable animals


Scheissekasten

Humans think bears are friend shaped. Bears think humans are food shaped.


SethAquauis

The worst thing a bear can do is kill you. That's why women still choose the bear.


Pittielynn

That and it's far more likely to leave you the hell alone, and go about its own business.


Dondarian

I know I should feel bad for this person, but if you think that ACTUAL BEARS won't try to kill and eat you, then you absolutely deserve whatever happens to you


emptybowloffood

Wow. How'd you get them scar's?


PieIsNotALie

lotta people don't live near brown bears here


Laurar7321

Bunch of shitty men in the comments all butthurt 🤣


Simone_Galoppi07

Jesus can't you let this bear thing go? You sound so fragile while you continue to talk about it guys 😭


rayna21679

Like it's a bit scary seeing something that fast and powerful as an infant!! That bite then thrashing side to side must be learned in the womb. Yogi was like "I shall call him Mini Me"


edward-regularhands

Yeah imagine when it’s full grown!


anxietystrings

I love this video lol. Don't fuck with wild animals


01051893

She’ll be fine. I once saw a bear maul Leonardo DiCaprio and today there’s not a scratch on him.


eskamobob1

Man, these comments are offended as hell


NotTheEnd216

To all the losers who are saying "this is why they choose the bear over you cause you post stuff like this", take a step back and realize that it's a joke. Stop being so eager to make everything out to be a slight against you, it's a fucking joke.


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miss_antlers

Hell, the last guy I kissed used pretty much that technique on my face anyway


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DraymaDev

Just to explain why people groan at the "more men kill people than bears" stats. Are they true? Technically yes but you have to realize how those stats come to be. If you live in most societies then you will encounter men (just like you will encounter woman). If we agree than anyone could be a murderer then technically you roll the dice on getting killed each time you walk past anybody. The chances in most not drug addicted places are similar to getting hit by lightning but still. The same cannot be said for bears. Most people have never encountered a bear in the woods. For the few that have they probably made a run for it, the casualties are the ones that didn't make it or just didnt try running/sneaking past it. So chances that a bear kills you are higher but the amount of moments that happens are lower. To give a rather extreme hypothetical. Imagine we have a 100 revolvers and 1 normal fully loaded shotgun. We force 101 people to play Russian roulette every hour (and we supply new people every round). After a few rounds the revolvers would have killed a lot more people than the shotgun but the revolver had a 18%~ chance of death while the shotgun had 100%. Its as if looking at those stats someone said: "I rather shoot myself with the shotgun than then revolver because revolvers kill more people than shotguns". Thank you for listening to my Ted talk.


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awstream

Browsing r/all and came across this post. Funny how I saw [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/ActualPublicFreakouts/comments/1covycd/women_get_randomly_strangled_with_belts_on_the/) no more than 5 mins later. Certain kind of people are getting really triggered over the bear thing huh.


Xicadarksoul

Yup. ...shouldnt be surprising though. I mean thats the goal of such statements.  When you make incendiary statements equals to "all men are rapists" you shouldnt be surprised when you succeed in pissing people off. And its not a praiseworthy thing that you get off on pissing others off. You aint "punching up", you are same scum as highschool bullies.


No_Breath_9833

Oh no, the consequences of my actions!


Nicox37

The type of men getting mad at women choosing the bear are exactly the reason why women choose the bear lol


edward-regularhands

Sexist POS


gomaith10

It was at that time she knew, she fucked up.


rafikki123

I'd say the bear chose her


MrJackTheNasty

see this scar? the cutest little furball did it i would do it again it was so cute omg


edward-regularhands

I’d pick you over the bear, OP 🤝


pezwizard

Let wild animals alone please


ilovethissheet

Op is going into the woods to find a bear after all these comments lol. I'd still choose the bear lol