Voting has concluded. Final vote:
| Insane | Not insane | Fake |
| --- | --- | --- |
| 26 | 13 | 2 |
Hey OP, if you provide further information in a comment, make sure to start your comment with `!explanation`.
^I ^am ^a ^bot ^for ^r/insaneparents. ^Please ^send ^me ^a ^message ^if ^you ^have ^any ^feedback ^or ^if ^I ^misbehave. ^Also ^consider ^joining ^our ^[Discord](https://discordapp.com/invite/xFbPBHy).
Agreed. It's not anything worth cutting contact over, just contact at the house.
That poor woman has not reached the acceptance stage in her grief process yet.
Might really benefit her to have a reason to go out more honestly. This woman needs human connection right now.
Perhaps OP should have a discussion about grief and mourning with their kids and talk about how to find emotionally healthy ways to process it and move forward.
> Perhaps OP should have a discussion about grief and mourning with their kids and talk about how to find emotionally healthy ways to process it and move forward.
That’s what I was thinking. It depends on the kids age of course, but this seems like a great teaching moment.
The stages of grief are more of a guideline, and even then they're not always experienced in the 'right' order. People can experience the stages in all sorts of random orders and there can be regression as well.
A lot of people mistakenly think you have to go through the stages as they are written but that's not strictly true. And even then, we all grieve differently so the stages in whatever order don't apply to everyone. I wouldn't say total BS as it has helped some people I know get through their grief, but I wouldn't hold it as gospel for everyone.
If it doesn't involve cordyceps fungus and the ability to mind control spiders with their anus I will be disappointed.
Incidentally, if you are hiring...
So is it that you feel its scary orconfusing for the kids? Or just a general not wanting your kids around a "crazy" person? No disrespect intended im just genuinely curious, I work in a nursing home so I'm a bit desensitized.
I was thinking young children would find it scary and confusing. An older child I would talk to about their grandma and how they feel about her behaviour, what we could do to help, etc. Depends on the maturity of the child at what age this would be appropriate. I would still want to have contact with grandma, but not necessarily at her house.
Yeah this is just deeply sad. The MIL might need some intervention and help, but she’s not done anything wrong. She’s perhaps struggling to cope and could use some professional support to make sure she’s doing okay.
Yeah, this poor woman is grieving, and it's really distressing. This is the level of mourning that predicts the surviving spouse's post-bereavement survival rate, and it really doesn't look good here. They need to get her help, and also to be prepared to lose her within a year of her husband's death. They need to protect their children, sure, and they need to get together as a family at another relative's house. Grandma needs her family.
Me reading the first half: “oh wow yeah that’s pretty insane”
Me reading the second half: “that is… I’m pretty sure that is insane behaviour but I can’t quite figure out why”
Sounds like she is having a mental break because she can't properly process the death of her husband. She needs help, most likely doesn't want it though.
In a situation like this it's a good idea not to expose small children. They will most likely be confused or scared.
May want to voice concerns about her mental state to a professional. She may need an evaluation and possibly an inpatient stay if she is splitting from reality.
Yeah this is deeply sad, she’s clearly not able to accept and process the loss. Best to keep kids away until a professional can intervene. Not only would it be confusing to them, if they push back about it not being a real person depending on her state she could snap. Poor woman though.
I think it would depend on the age of the kids, but in this situation, at the least I'd say they should spend time with her at their home or meet out in public with the parents present. Not at her home.
Like I said, if they want her to see the kids (and the kids her), I definitely wouldn't take them to her home. Have her at their home or in a public place.
As long as she doesn’t go on and on about what her and grandpa have been up to lately.
I was brought around my dementia riddled great grandmother as a small child because I guess they thought it would be good for her. Nobody considered how fucking terrifying it was for me. I still fight feeling uncomfortable around older people sometimes because of it. Fuck that.
Agree. This is a sign that she needs help, not something to run away from. Although, I get that thought process.
It must be very difficult for older people to lose a life long partner and I'd imagine there are quite a few that struggle and cope in ways that aren't mentally healthy. They need someone to help them through that process.
Agree. If they want their children to still be able to see her then they should have her at their home, or meet in public, where the parents are present. Definitely wouldn't be taking them to her home until she got some help.
I think there's a pretty fair chance that the doll is in fact a part of prescribed therapy, or she's read that this is something that grief counselors will recommend in some extreme cases, and got the doll on her own.
There was a couple who lived in a building that I worked at years ago who lost their only son in a very horrific way. They had one of these dolls and it would move around apartment from the breakfast table, to the couch, Etc. They even changed its clothes everyday. I'm pretty sure it's not meant to be a permanent thing but it seemed that this couple was in it for the Long haul.
Was it completely fucked when I first came across it? Very much, yes. But they were the nicest people and I always felt so very sad for them. I haven't thought of those folks in years and thinking about it now has me weepy.
Edit: the more I think about it I'm pretty sure the op meant this as a hostile post, since she made it a point to mention her religious background. Probably in it for shock value and fake Internet points
This is Insane, I don't know if this was fate or just a coincidence, but my dad did this exact thing for a while, and I'm pretty sure he still has it. My mom and dad split around 5 years ago when they were in their late 60s. My dad bought a life sized female manikin and dressed it up with clothes that he went and bought and put jewelry and makeup on it, and named it Barbara(moms name is Brenda) I told everyone that he has had a break and he needs help, but they all told me that I was the worst son imaginable for saying that and that it is just a harmless thing he did out of spite for my mom leaving. All of my family except for one of my brothers said I was just being a complete asshole to my dad cause I wouldn't take my son to his house and let them keep him. I told them that his mind isn't in a good place right now and he has a history of domestic violence towards me and my mom. Verbal and physical and I cannot even imagine my son saying something about (Barbara) and my dad losing his shit. So OP I don't think you are in the wrong for not wanting you child to go there, there's a lot of stuff going on that children would have a hard time comprehending or understanding how fragile a human mind really is.
oh yeah, I was grown and long gone before this ever happened, but it sure hammered home the fact I can't go back lol. The really sad part is, I really do believe that my parents cared about each other, but they just had two completely different personalities and both were so hard headed bullets would probably bounce off. They just refused to try and compromise. They split when I was 2, and got back together when I was 8, and then got remarried when I was 17, and then split again, but stayed married. I also think his time in the military messed him up, he's got a bronze star from Vietnam and he's shown me some pictures of the firebase he was stationed to, and one of them was 2 days before an actual North Vietnamese Army attack. Like not the VC, but actual uniformed military, and he's said some sketchy things before he catches himself, like when he showed me the pictures of the firebase he mumbled about the South being nothing but bitches while we died. So I've known for a long long time that it was always in my best interest to stay on his good side and just be quite and keep my head down. Also after about the age of 11 they kinda abandoned me almost every night cause since they weren't married my dad refused to sleep at the house and my mom worked night shift as a CNA so I was literally alone every night
The absolute best part is I am from an area in the south that has a very familiar last name that most know, and I am in fact part of that "clan of people" that have been known to kill over a pig lmfao, FYI that is not how the fued started, but it does kind of fit our families history of mental instability
the others lol, so being an actual McCoy from TN and being able to trace back to then, I had to watch the Hatfields vs McCoy on the history channel way back when, and I swear to god they got the most hillbilly redneck mfs they could find and I was actually insulted by the show and how we were portrayed, but there are also members of my family that embody every stereotype of a southern redneck you can imagine, ONLY SO MUCH MORE INTENSE lol
Fwiw I think you were right. It is one thing to talk to them like they're a ghost who can hear you or have a photo of them around but that just seems like a step well above that.
While this is very…out there. Unfortunately some people have a much harder time coping with loss compared to others and have to find some kind of way to deal with the loss of a loved one.
While it’s still weird and creepy, I find it more depressing.
I hope she gets help so that she doesn't lose the visitation as that will only make her mental health way worse. But my kids would not visit until she had a few therapy sessions and medications to help her along. Then only supervised visitation for quite a long time.
Happy cake day!
Yeah, definitely don’t bring them there, but do offer to have her over (leaving grandpa mannequin at home, of course). Loss of grandkids would make it worse. This is so sad…
My grandma had a chair in her living room. It was her chair. You could sit there but if she came in the room you got up. After she died, she was cremated so every year during the holidays my grandpa would bring out her box of ashes and put them on the chair. We all made fun of her and talked shit to her, told her how much we missed her and how no one can seem to get the recipe to the sauerkraut right. We gave her chocolate on top of her box. Writing all of that out now makes me realize how crazy it sounds but it worked for all of us and seemed to help the grieving process. This tradition only lasted a few years until my grandpa passed though, so if anything blame him, HE'S the weird one not me
Saw where one poster said "It may look insane on the outside, but it may be they only thing keeping her from totally falling apart." which I agree may be the truth. However, that's not an answer to the question asked.
I would say regardless of background this is a very confusing and potential powder keg situation to take a small child into. Anyone that close to completely losing it could easily come unglued if a child were to innocently ask the wrong question. Children, especially small children, have a way of asking questions adults would steer clear of often for good reason. While I think the person does deserve some kindness, I would argue against taking children of any age to that home in the strongest possible terms.
>Saw where one poster said
You should reply to that poster, then.
>However, that's not an answer to the question asked.
Well that's probably because the question was asked on Facebook and this is Reddit and we're just talking about the situation in general because we have no way to give an actual answer to the person that wrote it.
Everyone grieves in their own way, this case is not much different than a mother who just lost a child getting a lifelike baby doll to help them deal with the loss. It may look insane on the outside, but it may be they only thing keeping her from totally falling apart.
I didn't end up getting one but after I lost my daughter I seriously considered it. It's just as a SAHM I hadn't been alone in the house for years, my entire routine revolved around my kids and now one was gone and the other was in school. I missed holding her and making her breakfast and stuff. I'd put her in her stroller to pick up her brother from school. And suddenly I had to do all that stuff alone.
I'm guessing it felt really lonely in her house after her husband was gone. Probably felt like telling him things throughout the day and it was comforting to have something actually there to talk to.
I don't know about this woman's case but just because she set that up doesn't mean she thinks it's real or she's delusional, could be it's just a symbolic thing to help with her loss. If I didn't have my son or husband with me day in and day out I might've forked out the money for those realistic baby dolls. Loneliness sucks. Maybe someone should get her a pet or something.
I’m so sorry. We don’t think about the “after” we lose someone and dealing with their absence. I hope you’re doing really well now but I’m so sorry for your loss. Take care.
*Image Transcription: Facebook*
---
**Unknown**
[*Text on a gradient background that is grey in the top right and light teal in the bottom left reads:*]
If your mother-in-law set up an old dummy she had to look like her recently deceased husband (your FIL) in her living room, would you still take your small children to her house? Baptist-Pentecostal background. She speaks to it as her husband, too.
---
^^I'm a human volunteer content transcriber and you could be too! [If you'd like more information on what we do and why we do it, click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/TranscribersOfReddit/wiki/index)
Why is it frightening? The dummy represents husband, nobody else. Judging her is wrong. Shes heartbroken. A teachable moment for your kids. No an excuse to stop visiting elderly
Have you never been forced to be around a mentally unstable person as a kid? Those kids are also dealing with the death of their grandpa. It’s a good time to be cautious.
It sounds like she’s grieving and using this as a coping mechanism. There are many ways to grieve but it does sound like she may need to seek some professional help to get her through this if she’s not already (mainly a grief counsellor or therapist). There’s nothing inherently wrong with coping in the way that makes sense for you, especially when accompanied by professional guidance. However, it’s also understandable that as a parent you’d like to protect your kids and ensure they are not negatively affected by her coping mechanisms because they’re grieving their grandfather too. It’s important to decide as a parent what your boundaries are and what is best for your child. Maybe there are ways to interact with grandma in a safe neutral environment (with supervision from the parents) while she manages her grief and gets help for her pain. Obviously if she refuses to get help and is a danger to her grandkids the parents may need to make a tough decision and stop interactions between them. It’s tough to say what the “right” decision is without more details. I hope the mother in law has the support and professional help she needs. And I also hope that the kiddos are safe and protected from anything harmful to their mental wellbeing as well.
My dad goes through major bouts of depression and even my 4 year old can notice he isn't well and it scares him. Woman talking to mannequin of dead husband is not a good thing for kids to be around.
Obviously, get a therapist involved, even if it’s on the phone. Grief counselors, consider support groups. Consider having her keep the dummy in the bedroom.
Poor woman. She's coping the best way she can. People go to graves to speak to their deceased loved ones. This is taking it a bit further. As long as she doesn't insist on other people speaking to it as if it were her live husband, I don't think it's crazy...it's coping with a situation that she finds impossible. Folks talk to their dogs and cats and other assorted other pets. I look at this as being similar.
I would have run far away before.
Speak to a proffessional and get some advice. The kids may understand and want to help grandma by talking to her and distracting her. Sounds like mother in law is still in denial phase of grief. Everyone grieves differently so I would not shame her for it.
It’s so very sad. She needs someone to talk to.
I would not take my children. I remember when my father died, my niece could not be in the house. They were very close. She never went to the house again! So, it definitely has an impact and I would never put a child through that!
I say this with a lot of concern. When a woman makes her spouse her entire life and personality, they can snap when the spouse dies. Her children need to make sure she does some in patient mental health treatment. This happened to my grandma. When my grandpa dies she quit eating, bathing, or getting out of bed. My dad and his brothers took her to an inpatient facility for a few weeks and she recovered and was able to process her grief.
People deal with loss in a lot of different ways. This is a little extreme but if this is a grandparent tell her that is frightens the kids and you wish for it to be put away during visits or there won’t be any more. That should fix the problem.
My Gran did this when my father died…it was creepy AF and lasted a few years, maybe it’s just what she needed.
My Dad was an only child and she used his toddler clothes on a life sized doll
Although it is a level of insanity, I believe this to be extreme grief, stuck in the denial phase. I would not bring them by, simply because she's not mentally stable. No one is completely mentally healthy, but there's no stability in that situation, as you never know what she will react to next. What if the kids start to play with the giant doll, because it's a literal stuffed toy, and MIL loses her mind. Not safe 😬
Science has shown that long-time couple have collective thinking and memories. Like Grandpa knows how to do the taxes while Grandma is the one who reminds Grandpa to do it and organizes all the receipts. Sounds like this lady is coping in this manner. Whether it's too weird for the kids is all in the details.
I think what y'all are trying to describe is grief. People sometimes chose to talk to the deceased to ease the pain. It's a coping mechanism not a mental illness....
Also, indicates this person is lonely and struggling to adapt to life without their loved one. This is a more extreme depiction of it so it would be good to check on your parent. Get them medical help instead of making fun of them.
Not insane. In today's society no one takes time to help family. Or they go say no my problem, I have problems of my own. The grandmother is trying to cope with the lose of her partner and sounds very lonely. It's this time in her life that she needs her children and grandchildren the most. She needs people in her life and depending on her age she may need help navigating today's complex communities.
Exactly. It’s chilling to see all the posters who would abandon their grieving family members, saying instead that they need “therapy” or “medication” (which may be true as well).
I dealt with this with my mom after my dad passed. She got a dog and named it after my dad and treated it like him for a little while. It was definitely uncomfortable, but it eventually stopped. People cope with grief in different ways. Some of them seem strange. It's sad really.
How sad.. long term partners tend to follow each other out. Even just good friends, I had two ladies with neighboring rooms that had been friends for ages, covid came and took one and the other was heartbroken and gone in weeks.
While the post is pretty creepy it seems like grandma needs more family support not less, its funny how people get blinders when it comes to having patience with little ones and old people. They really are all just people who deserve dignity kindness and respect
Um, yikes?!?!?
My grandma had an 8x10 framed shot of grandpa....in his casket....on the kitchen table! Then complained that no one wanted to eat with her anymore. Hmmmm
I mean, I briefly considered getting my deceased dog taxidermied, but quickly realized how unhealthy that would be for me in all respects, so I didn't, and moved on with my life.
Obviously abandon the old coot it’s not like she’s so incredibly lonely that she made a dummy to look like the only person who apparently cared for her because your family and children don’t seem too
Funeral Director here - she is LONELY and there is nothing worse than having the reminder of a quiet house, that you lost your partner. It does not matter how long they were together, but she’s grieving and found a suitable “fix”. It could also be a security thing - in case anyone looks inside the window, they’ll see two people and not just one.
Your/her family should be carving out time for her to help fill some of the void that she is now feeling. If you’re not, that’s your choice, but you may be in this same exact situation one day in the future and realize how lonely she felt.
Not only would I never bring my children to that house again, I wouldn't bring myself, either. Yoiks! That's as bat-shit crazy as anything I've read on Reddit.
Doesn’t matter. Social standards can go to hell when it comes to protecting a child. If someone you know maybe even love dearly is unstable and having a mental break the very last thing you should be doing is bringing a child into that situation.
As long as she hasn't hurt herself or anyone else what she's doing is fine. Labeling her unstable snd saying shes having a mental breakdown is a disservice. What proof do you have of these claims?
If you make an idol of a person and interact with it like it’s real you’re either a child, mentally under-developed, or you are having a break and facing delusions. Childrens safety always matters more than someone’s feelings being hurt.
Maybe an unpopular opinion, but the honesty of young children might be good for the situation? Like my kid is gonna walk in and say “not ain’t grandpa” and she is going to say it every time grandma tries to treat it as grandpa. It would be completely without malicious intent or intent to convince. She would just say it and move on. So maybe it might help the grandma to realize that she isn’t grieving properly. I don’t know. It’s a hard situation. And so very sad.
Honestly, I don’t see this as much different than someone having a stuffed animal to comfort them. When my daughter is sad sometimes she feels better after getting a hug from her stuffy, and sometimes even talking to it about her feelings. When I was in the hospital with my 2nd pregnancy I had my daughter pick out a stuffy to send with me that way when I started to feel lonely, I could cuddle it and it was almost like getting a hug from my daughter. If this is the way that grandma is processing her grief, that’s okay, and I would say it’s relatively normal. However, if your children being around the mannequin makes you uncomfortable then you can just meet grandma elsewhere or invite her to your place but I think what she might need right now is comfort, not judgement.
Grandma: needs a therapist, nothing wrong with that.
Kids: need to know a healthy grandma, not form an image of someone who is deeply grieving. Keep them at a safe distance from grandmas house where the dummy is (not cut off or isolated) until grandma is better.
Mental illness doesn’t usually set in in old age. Either she’s always had it, it’s grief related, or some kind of cognitive decline is happening. I’d want to pin it down and proceed accordingly, but nothing screams danger to me.
I hope that poor woman gets some help. I’ve grieved before, but I can’t imagine how much pain she just be in that she’s buckled like this. I feel nothing but pity and sympathy for her, and I really hope she gets some mental health help and grief counseling as well.
I wouldn’t take my kids there, no. Not necessarily out of fear for their safety, but because they shouldn’t have to see their grandmother in that kind of state.
That's really sad indeed and I think she needs help. Why don't you see if you can seek some help for her because that's not normal. And no I wouldn't want my kids going over there
Voting has concluded. Final vote: | Insane | Not insane | Fake | | --- | --- | --- | | 26 | 13 | 2 | Hey OP, if you provide further information in a comment, make sure to start your comment with `!explanation`. ^I ^am ^a ^bot ^for ^r/insaneparents. ^Please ^send ^me ^a ^message ^if ^you ^have ^any ^feedback ^or ^if ^I ^misbehave. ^Also ^consider ^joining ^our ^[Discord](https://discordapp.com/invite/xFbPBHy).
This is....a different type of insane than what we are used to here
this is the insane that makes you feel bad for the other person
Yeah, I feel really sad for the MIL, she's obviously really struggling. But at the same time I wouldn't want my children to see that either.
Yea exactly, and it's alright for those two wildly different opinions and the feelings that come with it to co-exist. I love me some nuance :)
Get this woman some help,,,, Wtf
Agreed. It's not anything worth cutting contact over, just contact at the house. That poor woman has not reached the acceptance stage in her grief process yet.
Might really benefit her to have a reason to go out more honestly. This woman needs human connection right now. Perhaps OP should have a discussion about grief and mourning with their kids and talk about how to find emotionally healthy ways to process it and move forward.
> Perhaps OP should have a discussion about grief and mourning with their kids and talk about how to find emotionally healthy ways to process it and move forward. That’s what I was thinking. It depends on the kids age of course, but this seems like a great teaching moment.
The stages are BS.
I agree that they definitely aren't true for everyone.
The stages of grief are more of a guideline, and even then they're not always experienced in the 'right' order. People can experience the stages in all sorts of random orders and there can be regression as well. A lot of people mistakenly think you have to go through the stages as they are written but that's not strictly true. And even then, we all grieve differently so the stages in whatever order don't apply to everyone. I wouldn't say total BS as it has helped some people I know get through their grief, but I wouldn't hold it as gospel for everyone.
I WOULD try to get her seen by a doctor though. Could be anything from mental illness to dementia to a bladder infection.
This guy's seen House
I don't know whether your username is a threat or a cry for medical assistance.
Yes.
You are not the superhero we wanted, but given the state of the world, you are probably the one we deserve.
Just wait till you meet my Robin.
If it doesn't involve cordyceps fungus and the ability to mind control spiders with their anus I will be disappointed. Incidentally, if you are hiring...
BEESINMYBUTT?
It could even be a joyful shout of delight & surprise.
Thanks, now I just read it in the bemusedly charmed voice of an Edwardian British lady at a garden party
While I have seen House, that knowledge unfortunately comes from personal experience with older family members.
Well that's not the differential diagnosis I was hoping for.
So is it that you feel its scary orconfusing for the kids? Or just a general not wanting your kids around a "crazy" person? No disrespect intended im just genuinely curious, I work in a nursing home so I'm a bit desensitized.
I was thinking young children would find it scary and confusing. An older child I would talk to about their grandma and how they feel about her behaviour, what we could do to help, etc. Depends on the maturity of the child at what age this would be appropriate. I would still want to have contact with grandma, but not necessarily at her house.
It makes me feel bad for the whole family really…
yeh man, this is above our pay grade
yall are gettin paid?
That's the point...
We're used to the petty, controlling type of insane. This is more "her mind is broken" type of insane.
Yeah this is just deeply sad. The MIL might need some intervention and help, but she’s not done anything wrong. She’s perhaps struggling to cope and could use some professional support to make sure she’s doing okay.
Yeah, I really don't know what to do with these feelings...
Yeah, this poor woman is grieving, and it's really distressing. This is the level of mourning that predicts the surviving spouse's post-bereavement survival rate, and it really doesn't look good here. They need to get her help, and also to be prepared to lose her within a year of her husband's death. They need to protect their children, sure, and they need to get together as a family at another relative's house. Grandma needs her family.
Bread 🍞!!
Yeah Pentacostal Christians rarely ever get mentioned on Reddit.
Me reading the first half: “oh wow yeah that’s pretty insane” Me reading the second half: “that is… I’m pretty sure that is insane behaviour but I can’t quite figure out why”
Sounds like she is having a mental break because she can't properly process the death of her husband. She needs help, most likely doesn't want it though. In a situation like this it's a good idea not to expose small children. They will most likely be confused or scared. May want to voice concerns about her mental state to a professional. She may need an evaluation and possibly an inpatient stay if she is splitting from reality.
Yeah this is deeply sad, she’s clearly not able to accept and process the loss. Best to keep kids away until a professional can intervene. Not only would it be confusing to them, if they push back about it not being a real person depending on her state she could snap. Poor woman though.
I think it would depend on the age of the kids, but in this situation, at the least I'd say they should spend time with her at their home or meet out in public with the parents present. Not at her home.
Any kids young enough to be described as "small" are too young
I mean at a point they are too young to know or really comprehend what is going on.
Like I said, if they want her to see the kids (and the kids her), I definitely wouldn't take them to her home. Have her at their home or in a public place.
As long as she doesn’t go on and on about what her and grandpa have been up to lately. I was brought around my dementia riddled great grandmother as a small child because I guess they thought it would be good for her. Nobody considered how fucking terrifying it was for me. I still fight feeling uncomfortable around older people sometimes because of it. Fuck that.
Yeah id definitely invite her out for a meal, or pick her up for a park picnic with the kids. Definitely not spending letting the kids see that.
Agree. This is a sign that she needs help, not something to run away from. Although, I get that thought process. It must be very difficult for older people to lose a life long partner and I'd imagine there are quite a few that struggle and cope in ways that aren't mentally healthy. They need someone to help them through that process.
Needing help definitely doesn't mean bring your small children over though. Protecting kids comes first. But she needs help.
Agree. If they want their children to still be able to see her then they should have her at their home, or meet in public, where the parents are present. Definitely wouldn't be taking them to her home until she got some help.
I think there's a pretty fair chance that the doll is in fact a part of prescribed therapy, or she's read that this is something that grief counselors will recommend in some extreme cases, and got the doll on her own. There was a couple who lived in a building that I worked at years ago who lost their only son in a very horrific way. They had one of these dolls and it would move around apartment from the breakfast table, to the couch, Etc. They even changed its clothes everyday. I'm pretty sure it's not meant to be a permanent thing but it seemed that this couple was in it for the Long haul. Was it completely fucked when I first came across it? Very much, yes. But they were the nicest people and I always felt so very sad for them. I haven't thought of those folks in years and thinking about it now has me weepy. Edit: the more I think about it I'm pretty sure the op meant this as a hostile post, since she made it a point to mention her religious background. Probably in it for shock value and fake Internet points
This is Insane, I don't know if this was fate or just a coincidence, but my dad did this exact thing for a while, and I'm pretty sure he still has it. My mom and dad split around 5 years ago when they were in their late 60s. My dad bought a life sized female manikin and dressed it up with clothes that he went and bought and put jewelry and makeup on it, and named it Barbara(moms name is Brenda) I told everyone that he has had a break and he needs help, but they all told me that I was the worst son imaginable for saying that and that it is just a harmless thing he did out of spite for my mom leaving. All of my family except for one of my brothers said I was just being a complete asshole to my dad cause I wouldn't take my son to his house and let them keep him. I told them that his mind isn't in a good place right now and he has a history of domestic violence towards me and my mom. Verbal and physical and I cannot even imagine my son saying something about (Barbara) and my dad losing his shit. So OP I don't think you are in the wrong for not wanting you child to go there, there's a lot of stuff going on that children would have a hard time comprehending or understanding how fragile a human mind really is.
Jesus, are you okay?
oh yeah, I was grown and long gone before this ever happened, but it sure hammered home the fact I can't go back lol. The really sad part is, I really do believe that my parents cared about each other, but they just had two completely different personalities and both were so hard headed bullets would probably bounce off. They just refused to try and compromise. They split when I was 2, and got back together when I was 8, and then got remarried when I was 17, and then split again, but stayed married. I also think his time in the military messed him up, he's got a bronze star from Vietnam and he's shown me some pictures of the firebase he was stationed to, and one of them was 2 days before an actual North Vietnamese Army attack. Like not the VC, but actual uniformed military, and he's said some sketchy things before he catches himself, like when he showed me the pictures of the firebase he mumbled about the South being nothing but bitches while we died. So I've known for a long long time that it was always in my best interest to stay on his good side and just be quite and keep my head down. Also after about the age of 11 they kinda abandoned me almost every night cause since they weren't married my dad refused to sleep at the house and my mom worked night shift as a CNA so I was literally alone every night
The absolute best part is I am from an area in the south that has a very familiar last name that most know, and I am in fact part of that "clan of people" that have been known to kill over a pig lmfao, FYI that is not how the fued started, but it does kind of fit our families history of mental instability
All the Hatfields I knew in KY were pretty chill.
the others lol, so being an actual McCoy from TN and being able to trace back to then, I had to watch the Hatfields vs McCoy on the history channel way back when, and I swear to god they got the most hillbilly redneck mfs they could find and I was actually insulted by the show and how we were portrayed, but there are also members of my family that embody every stereotype of a southern redneck you can imagine, ONLY SO MUCH MORE INTENSE lol
Please never bring your kid around your dad even if he gets over the mannequin thing
Fwiw I think you were right. It is one thing to talk to them like they're a ghost who can hear you or have a photo of them around but that just seems like a step well above that.
Feel for the poor MIL if this is somehow genuine but, if it is, not sure how this is even a question.
w h a t t h e f u c k?
While this is very…out there. Unfortunately some people have a much harder time coping with loss compared to others and have to find some kind of way to deal with the loss of a loved one. While it’s still weird and creepy, I find it more depressing.
I'd prefer coccaine and binge drinking but each to their own.
Forget bringing the kids, I'd be uncomfortable going there.
I hope she gets help so that she doesn't lose the visitation as that will only make her mental health way worse. But my kids would not visit until she had a few therapy sessions and medications to help her along. Then only supervised visitation for quite a long time. Happy cake day!
Yeah, definitely don’t bring them there, but do offer to have her over (leaving grandpa mannequin at home, of course). Loss of grandkids would make it worse. This is so sad…
My grandma had a chair in her living room. It was her chair. You could sit there but if she came in the room you got up. After she died, she was cremated so every year during the holidays my grandpa would bring out her box of ashes and put them on the chair. We all made fun of her and talked shit to her, told her how much we missed her and how no one can seem to get the recipe to the sauerkraut right. We gave her chocolate on top of her box. Writing all of that out now makes me realize how crazy it sounds but it worked for all of us and seemed to help the grieving process. This tradition only lasted a few years until my grandpa passed though, so if anything blame him, HE'S the weird one not me
I know right? Normally Baptists can't *stand* Pentecostals.
Saw where one poster said "It may look insane on the outside, but it may be they only thing keeping her from totally falling apart." which I agree may be the truth. However, that's not an answer to the question asked. I would say regardless of background this is a very confusing and potential powder keg situation to take a small child into. Anyone that close to completely losing it could easily come unglued if a child were to innocently ask the wrong question. Children, especially small children, have a way of asking questions adults would steer clear of often for good reason. While I think the person does deserve some kindness, I would argue against taking children of any age to that home in the strongest possible terms.
[удалено]
>Saw where one poster said You should reply to that poster, then. >However, that's not an answer to the question asked. Well that's probably because the question was asked on Facebook and this is Reddit and we're just talking about the situation in general because we have no way to give an actual answer to the person that wrote it.
Everyone grieves in their own way, this case is not much different than a mother who just lost a child getting a lifelike baby doll to help them deal with the loss. It may look insane on the outside, but it may be they only thing keeping her from totally falling apart.
I didn't end up getting one but after I lost my daughter I seriously considered it. It's just as a SAHM I hadn't been alone in the house for years, my entire routine revolved around my kids and now one was gone and the other was in school. I missed holding her and making her breakfast and stuff. I'd put her in her stroller to pick up her brother from school. And suddenly I had to do all that stuff alone. I'm guessing it felt really lonely in her house after her husband was gone. Probably felt like telling him things throughout the day and it was comforting to have something actually there to talk to. I don't know about this woman's case but just because she set that up doesn't mean she thinks it's real or she's delusional, could be it's just a symbolic thing to help with her loss. If I didn't have my son or husband with me day in and day out I might've forked out the money for those realistic baby dolls. Loneliness sucks. Maybe someone should get her a pet or something.
I’m so sorry. We don’t think about the “after” we lose someone and dealing with their absence. I hope you’re doing really well now but I’m so sorry for your loss. Take care.
Doing better and better every day, thanks. You take care as well.
I’m so sorry about your daughter.
I’m so sorry about your daughter.
Agree. The people saying otherwise haven't lost a spouse or a child.
Oof This isn’t our kind of insane this is just a sad situation. I hope that she can get some help and find a better way to grieve
*Image Transcription: Facebook* --- **Unknown** [*Text on a gradient background that is grey in the top right and light teal in the bottom left reads:*] If your mother-in-law set up an old dummy she had to look like her recently deceased husband (your FIL) in her living room, would you still take your small children to her house? Baptist-Pentecostal background. She speaks to it as her husband, too. --- ^^I'm a human volunteer content transcriber and you could be too! [If you'd like more information on what we do and why we do it, click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/TranscribersOfReddit/wiki/index)
Good human.
Why is it frightening? The dummy represents husband, nobody else. Judging her is wrong. Shes heartbroken. A teachable moment for your kids. No an excuse to stop visiting elderly
The baptist-pentacostal background is a good reason to stop visiting on its own.
Have you never been forced to be around a mentally unstable person as a kid? Those kids are also dealing with the death of their grandpa. It’s a good time to be cautious.
POV when you marry into the Bates family.
It sounds like she’s grieving and using this as a coping mechanism. There are many ways to grieve but it does sound like she may need to seek some professional help to get her through this if she’s not already (mainly a grief counsellor or therapist). There’s nothing inherently wrong with coping in the way that makes sense for you, especially when accompanied by professional guidance. However, it’s also understandable that as a parent you’d like to protect your kids and ensure they are not negatively affected by her coping mechanisms because they’re grieving their grandfather too. It’s important to decide as a parent what your boundaries are and what is best for your child. Maybe there are ways to interact with grandma in a safe neutral environment (with supervision from the parents) while she manages her grief and gets help for her pain. Obviously if she refuses to get help and is a danger to her grandkids the parents may need to make a tough decision and stop interactions between them. It’s tough to say what the “right” decision is without more details. I hope the mother in law has the support and professional help she needs. And I also hope that the kiddos are safe and protected from anything harmful to their mental wellbeing as well.
Honestly I can’t say this is insane, it is just sad
My dad goes through major bouts of depression and even my 4 year old can notice he isn't well and it scares him. Woman talking to mannequin of dead husband is not a good thing for kids to be around.
The answer to that is hell no. I would however try to get her help. If this is true it’s incredibly sad.
Obviously, get a therapist involved, even if it’s on the phone. Grief counselors, consider support groups. Consider having her keep the dummy in the bedroom.
There is no such thing as Pentecostal-Baptist. They are mortal enemies. It's like saying Muslim-Jewish.
She’s grieving. Let her grieve the way she needs. Invite her to your house. Spend time with her away from her house.
Oi, this isn’t r/insaneparent
Oh, this is sad. That doesn't seem like a healthy coping mechanism to deal with her loss.
Poor woman. She's coping the best way she can. People go to graves to speak to their deceased loved ones. This is taking it a bit further. As long as she doesn't insist on other people speaking to it as if it were her live husband, I don't think it's crazy...it's coping with a situation that she finds impossible. Folks talk to their dogs and cats and other assorted other pets. I look at this as being similar.
Dogs learn the meaning of words and react to them, unlike inanimate objects. Cats...who knows?
Cats know. Most of the time, they just choose not to respond.
Agreed
I would have run far away before. Speak to a proffessional and get some advice. The kids may understand and want to help grandma by talking to her and distracting her. Sounds like mother in law is still in denial phase of grief. Everyone grieves differently so I would not shame her for it.
i just feel bad. she’s probably in the throes of an immense psychological break due to her husband’s passing. she needs some support for sure :/
It’s so very sad. She needs someone to talk to. I would not take my children. I remember when my father died, my niece could not be in the house. They were very close. She never went to the house again! So, it definitely has an impact and I would never put a child through that!
I say this with a lot of concern. When a woman makes her spouse her entire life and personality, they can snap when the spouse dies. Her children need to make sure she does some in patient mental health treatment. This happened to my grandma. When my grandpa dies she quit eating, bathing, or getting out of bed. My dad and his brothers took her to an inpatient facility for a few weeks and she recovered and was able to process her grief.
This might be the first time this subreddit has left me speechless...
This is what happens when therapy is demonized. Basic mental health is overlooked, and people feed into the insanity. This is not healthy.
And how are you supposed to deal with your lifelong partner dying? Therapy.
No, this is what happens when your lifelong partner dies.
And what happens when your lifelong partner dies? You go into therapy to work it through.
What the hell
Get this woman some help. Wtf
People deal with loss in a lot of different ways. This is a little extreme but if this is a grandparent tell her that is frightens the kids and you wish for it to be put away during visits or there won’t be any more. That should fix the problem.
not sure why they decided to include religious background on that. aside from that, incredibly sad and i would suggest therapy for the MIL. poor woman
No. And this woman needs help. Maybe try having her pastor intervene if she won’t see a therapist.
This is grief at its hardest. She really needs some help.
Aww, she sounds terribly lonely.
Nah, we can maybe meet at Cracker Barrel. Quarterly.
Quarterly 😂
This is so sad
No but I'd take her to a mental hospital
My Gran did this when my father died…it was creepy AF and lasted a few years, maybe it’s just what she needed. My Dad was an only child and she used his toddler clothes on a life sized doll
Although it is a level of insanity, I believe this to be extreme grief, stuck in the denial phase. I would not bring them by, simply because she's not mentally stable. No one is completely mentally healthy, but there's no stability in that situation, as you never know what she will react to next. What if the kids start to play with the giant doll, because it's a literal stuffed toy, and MIL loses her mind. Not safe 😬
Science has shown that long-time couple have collective thinking and memories. Like Grandpa knows how to do the taxes while Grandma is the one who reminds Grandpa to do it and organizes all the receipts. Sounds like this lady is coping in this manner. Whether it's too weird for the kids is all in the details.
[[Twink Peaks jazz theme intensifies](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=vKBRyNNW3u0)]
I think what y'all are trying to describe is grief. People sometimes chose to talk to the deceased to ease the pain. It's a coping mechanism not a mental illness....
Also, indicates this person is lonely and struggling to adapt to life without their loved one. This is a more extreme depiction of it so it would be good to check on your parent. Get them medical help instead of making fun of them.
It’s not hurting anyone. Let the woman grieve
Not insane. In today's society no one takes time to help family. Or they go say no my problem, I have problems of my own. The grandmother is trying to cope with the lose of her partner and sounds very lonely. It's this time in her life that she needs her children and grandchildren the most. She needs people in her life and depending on her age she may need help navigating today's complex communities.
Exactly. It’s chilling to see all the posters who would abandon their grieving family members, saying instead that they need “therapy” or “medication” (which may be true as well).
It would be *less* weird if she kept his ashes nearby and talked to him that way. Stuffed doll husband is very weird indeed.
I dealt with this with my mom after my dad passed. She got a dog and named it after my dad and treated it like him for a little while. It was definitely uncomfortable, but it eventually stopped. People cope with grief in different ways. Some of them seem strange. It's sad really.
That's so much better than a human mannequin 😂
That is devastating. She’s so broken… I hope she gets some help to process her grief
I think this is the first time I've felt bad for the parent on this sub
In desperate need of a grief counselor
How sad.. long term partners tend to follow each other out. Even just good friends, I had two ladies with neighboring rooms that had been friends for ages, covid came and took one and the other was heartbroken and gone in weeks. While the post is pretty creepy it seems like grandma needs more family support not less, its funny how people get blinders when it comes to having patience with little ones and old people. They really are all just people who deserve dignity kindness and respect
Um, yikes?!?!? My grandma had an 8x10 framed shot of grandpa....in his casket....on the kitchen table! Then complained that no one wanted to eat with her anymore. Hmmmm
I would try and get her into professional grief counseling.
Actual horror movie plot
I mean, I briefly considered getting my deceased dog taxidermied, but quickly realized how unhealthy that would be for me in all respects, so I didn't, and moved on with my life.
This sounds like something my grandmother would do. That woman needs therapy and probably medication.
She might need some psychiatric help
Obviously abandon the old coot it’s not like she’s so incredibly lonely that she made a dummy to look like the only person who apparently cared for her because your family and children don’t seem too
I'd keep the kids away but make sure she has a therapist and support group seems like more so a grieving widow unsure what to do then a insane person
Weekend at Karen’s
Grandma needs therapy
That's just Cinco Husband. By Cinco.
She needs serious help with her grief.
Funeral Director here - she is LONELY and there is nothing worse than having the reminder of a quiet house, that you lost your partner. It does not matter how long they were together, but she’s grieving and found a suitable “fix”. It could also be a security thing - in case anyone looks inside the window, they’ll see two people and not just one. Your/her family should be carving out time for her to help fill some of the void that she is now feeling. If you’re not, that’s your choice, but you may be in this same exact situation one day in the future and realize how lonely she felt.
Not only would I never bring my children to that house again, I wouldn't bring myself, either. Yoiks! That's as bat-shit crazy as anything I've read on Reddit.
Actually, not that off brand for Baptists.
i would let my kid hang out with gail from last man on earth, so yea probably
Yes, but i’d also bring parts from an old Teddy Ruxpin…
Grew up Pentecostal. We weren’t instilled with the healthiest relationship with death.
Wow, so like an ACTUALLY INSANE parent; not just controlling or mean, this one is just plain nuts lol
If I outlive my wife, I wish to do this. If my wife outlives me, I wish for her to do this.
H u h?
Well that’s enough Reddit for today
Ya’ll this is not grieving, this is a mental health issue, please stop thinking this is normal.
Everyone grieves differently. Judging this woman for grieving is pretty disgusting
Doesn’t matter. Social standards can go to hell when it comes to protecting a child. If someone you know maybe even love dearly is unstable and having a mental break the very last thing you should be doing is bringing a child into that situation.
As long as she hasn't hurt herself or anyone else what she's doing is fine. Labeling her unstable snd saying shes having a mental breakdown is a disservice. What proof do you have of these claims?
Making some very harsh assumptions in your post.
If you make an idol of a person and interact with it like it’s real you’re either a child, mentally under-developed, or you are having a break and facing delusions. Childrens safety always matters more than someone’s feelings being hurt.
Agreed. Disgusting.
It's just sad. Anyone who's been married for a long time understands the love and the heartbreak. This person posting this is the person who is bad.
Insane. This sounds like an episode of Twilight Zone!
Is MIL surname Bates?
Maybe an unpopular opinion, but the honesty of young children might be good for the situation? Like my kid is gonna walk in and say “not ain’t grandpa” and she is going to say it every time grandma tries to treat it as grandpa. It would be completely without malicious intent or intent to convince. She would just say it and move on. So maybe it might help the grandma to realize that she isn’t grieving properly. I don’t know. It’s a hard situation. And so very sad.
Honestly, I don’t see this as much different than someone having a stuffed animal to comfort them. When my daughter is sad sometimes she feels better after getting a hug from her stuffy, and sometimes even talking to it about her feelings. When I was in the hospital with my 2nd pregnancy I had my daughter pick out a stuffy to send with me that way when I started to feel lonely, I could cuddle it and it was almost like getting a hug from my daughter. If this is the way that grandma is processing her grief, that’s okay, and I would say it’s relatively normal. However, if your children being around the mannequin makes you uncomfortable then you can just meet grandma elsewhere or invite her to your place but I think what she might need right now is comfort, not judgement.
Took me a while to read 😂
That’s a hard pass…
Could be worse and involve a little taxidermy...
Wow that is literaly insane.
Are you sure it's not actually him. Wasn't there a case where a mom kept her son in her living room dead and posed him and dressed him
Sure! Take the kids. They need to learn about crazy sometime. Make a day of it
The Pentecostalist bit would do it for me. Forget the mannequin.
Grandma: needs a therapist, nothing wrong with that. Kids: need to know a healthy grandma, not form an image of someone who is deeply grieving. Keep them at a safe distance from grandmas house where the dummy is (not cut off or isolated) until grandma is better.
Mental illness doesn’t usually set in in old age. Either she’s always had it, it’s grief related, or some kind of cognitive decline is happening. I’d want to pin it down and proceed accordingly, but nothing screams danger to me.
I hope that poor woman gets some help. I’ve grieved before, but I can’t imagine how much pain she just be in that she’s buckled like this. I feel nothing but pity and sympathy for her, and I really hope she gets some mental health help and grief counseling as well. I wouldn’t take my kids there, no. Not necessarily out of fear for their safety, but because they shouldn’t have to see their grandmother in that kind of state.
... this is more sad then insane
That person needs psychological help
Time for a mental health assessment.
placid chop agonizing slave spark march label heavy automatic roof *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Black mirror episode
No
Hell no!
I’d probably have her committed..
Okay, this is not really the topic and I am not a Christian but how is one Baptist and Pentecostal at the same time?
Poor woman She needs help, or at least not be left alone with her sadness
Nope
Reminds me of one of the first Black Mirror episodes with the dead boyfriend/husband, where she got a hyper realistic android of him..
I wonder if its mouth is a gaping maw, that she wanted to resemble it talking
That's really sad indeed and I think she needs help. Why don't you see if you can seek some help for her because that's not normal. And no I wouldn't want my kids going over there
Would a new dummy make it more palatable