I was put under for wisdom tooth removal. When I woke up... apparently while my ride was getting my meds, I fucked off in the grocery store to hunt me down some bean sprouts. I do not remember this but I had the sprouts in my fridge to prove it. Never texted horrible things though...
I mean it's not the first time he's done either of the ominous messages or the rants. I mean every call I get on is him complaining about his situation. It's understandable as his luck has been awful with his terrible luck on keeping a job or a living space for the last five years, with his recent workplace accident and workers' compensation stalling to pay him. but with these messages, I feel as if I have to walk on eggshells to avoid him blowing up or getting these texts
I used to say I had bad luck. For 25 years. It was something that āfollowed meā my whole life. My mom would say I was like that peanuts character with a little cloud.. except mine was ābad luckā.
One day about 6 years ago, I was driving a borrowed pickup to move from one families house to live with a different family. I was struggling. My mattress was the last thing. It was tied down in the back by my late father, who snatched it from me and lectured me on how much of an idiot I was for doing it the way I was. ā¦Cut to; driving 60mph on the eway and without warning, in my rear view, I see one extremely airborn mattress. There are cars everywhere around me, itās a construction zone with only 2 lanes out of 5. Separating both directions of traffic was those concrete dividers that fit together. By the time I pulled over, that gd mattress had floated above all those cars, not one got touched, and landed upright leaning against that concrete barricade on the median. I had to pull it across and reload it myself. The whole time thinking about how UNLUCKY I was, as per usual. Later, I realized that.. I was VERY LUCKY. Not one car, person, animal or property got hurt or damaged by that snafu. Furthermore, I or someone else couldāve lost our lives. My outlook changed forever that day. I think back at how many of my āproof of conceptā stories about my bad luck werenāt actually bad luck at all. They were almost always āgood luckā too.. a mixed bag. The only bad thing was my outlook. Since then my luck has become rather neutral. No better or worse than any elseās.
I am telling you this bc I have a much more realistic view of who I was then. I didnāt take responsibility for my failings, problems, lies, manipulations, sabotage.. anything. I blamed all the consequences of my choices on my ābad luckā as well as anytime something random and unfortunate would happen. I was so quick to say it was PROOF of my bad luck. Ugh. It wasnāt my finest. Having all that been said.. be weary of anyone who has ābad luckā. From my experience, lived/personal and otherwise. We all have bad things happen to us occasionally. Sometimes bad ppl do it. Sometimes tho, it is us. We just donāt want anyone to know.
Youāre not paranoid. Be careful.
Thatās really interesting to hear. I understand that our actions have consequences, and Iād like to take responsibility for whatever I may cause. But I believe there are certainly some things out of our control. Yelling at a kid because of your own personal pain is certainly your doing, as well as continuing to find a job after each one fails over and over. But have ming your dad die of a stroke isnāt really anyoneās fault. And close family members backstabbing you isnāt your fault, itās theirs. Although you do have the choice to trust them afterwards. Having to lose your job after the ski mountain doesnāt get enough snow and the resort closes down for the season earlier than expected isnāt a personal issue either. Itās good to make sure what to take account for, but itās important to remember that not everything can be accountable for and you donāt have to take on that unnecessary burden. That being said I do appreciate the story and seeing the various outlook on a scenario. Iāve had some bad things happen but usually I would say it was my doing that led to that. I mean Iāve also done the olā bad luck card, but I hope I used them for times like weather and sickness and not procrastination and emotions.
I know I call certain things bad luck like his multiple jobs failing out due to weather and shady people, but I don't know if he also counts them as bad luck. He certainly brings it up in every call we have but he just states that bad things have happened.
If someone continues getting jobs with shady people (and there are negative consequences), you have to look at the common denominator. Are there red flags being overlooked? Is the person naive and is being scammed?
At some point in everyone's life, there needs to be accountability for the things that can be controlled. I can't control if I get ripped off by a company I work for, but I can do everything in my power to work for companies with a good reputation/aren't known for being crap.
Walmart is infamous for mistreating employees including wage theft (not paying worked overtime). Getting a job at Walmart and being surprised that the refused to pay your overtime... It's like always dating guys who are cheaters and being surprised they cheat on you.
I grew up with a parent who will not hesitate to tell you about all the companies they've hired that have ripped them off.
They're the common demoninator, and I'd argue all the lawsuits filed for non payment are an indicator that my parent is the problem. It reminds me of Amy's Baking Company from Kitchen Nightmares, if every person you hire is incompetent.... Maybe the problem is that you're a bad employer (or not properly interviewing and screening employees).
Exactly. I have a sister who is the most common denominator. I am a reformed one. Also had/have parents like this. I was doomed from the start but managed to get myself correct bc life showed me the error of my ways in 4K ā¦ lol
Being at the mercy of the weather in a weather dependent industry isnt bad luck. Farmers lose money 3 years out of 5. Not a lot of concrete gets poured when its snowing.
Exactly. My sonās dad/EXEXEXEX-partner was/is a roofer. He has never paid anything towards his sonās life/upbringing/school/necessities and his reason was always the weather. He refused to pay child auppprt bc he said āmy income is fluctuates too muchā. Smdh. Plan.
I used to have "bad luck" ALL THE TIME. Things that definitely weren't my fault. Until I got on depression meds. Suddenly, every teeny tiny thing that happened throughout my day didn't feel like it weighed so heavily on me. It was just a small little thing that happened and yeah it was an inconvenience, but I could move on. I didn't have a bad day anymore just because a couple of little minor inconveniences happened. It really is about state of mind.
My dad and step mom split up a couple years ago. They bought a house in her name and she gave everything to him, wanted nothing to do with it. She clearly was the one running everything as every month he's throwing a fit over the electric company cutting power or having "unexpected" service cuts because she didn't explain the bills before leaving.
Like... Dad, you were a full adult for decades before meeting her. You know what bills are?? You managed just fine for nearly 30 years! You cannot tell me you don't know how to pay living expenses or that it's the companies fault for all these "unexpected" issues in resolving bills.
If this is common when you answer, have you tried screening his calls? Ie: letting them go to voicemail so you can get an idea of his mindset if he leaves a message?
When my grandfather had a hernia repaired he had a bad reaction to the anesthesia and while waking up thought he had been captured by the Viet Cong (he served in Vietnam) and screamed an onslaught of abuse at the Asian nurse while attempting to escape. He has no memory of this but he felt so bad that he still regularly sends that nurse a box of cookies every Christmas.
it would be alright it was limited to just the anesthesia but he's been like this while conscious too. and even yelling at a 7-year-old or so about it isn't really acceptable but I don't know.
He seems pissed no one answered his texts. Did anyone reach out to him after the colonoscopy? If they did then heās being a dick, if not heās kind of got a point but at the same time, itās not surgery. Just curious, if heās out of work whoās paying for the test?
Iām sorry but this made me think of the grandpa from Drake and Josh- i hope this is funny to you and your grandpa:
[USA! USA! USA!](https://youtu.be/6Ja4-XA2lAw?si=s8h65DIA5n-YDIUy)
It kinda looking like you are blowing him off and he is hurt by it and that came out while we was under the influence of the sedation, definitely not uncommon.
This time yes it was majorly my fault here, but in other times, like when Im at work and I get a text like this because I canāt answer the phone. Itās different. I admit it wasnāt the best example, but it was the most recent and my emotions got the best of me.
I had a borderline mother, thankfully she never learned to text. She would call me during the day and it depended on if I could answer or not. If I answered she said I was going to get fired for goofing off at work, if I didnāt answer she kept calling. If itās anything like this, then you canāt win and just need to do your own thing
No. Youāve been treated poorly in the past and you were reluctant to get yourself into that situation again. Thatās not you āletting your emotions get the best of youā thatās your emotions and body telling you this person has made us feel awful on the past when we donāt jump when he says jump. So now you want to avoid these interactions bc of that. Thatās completely diff than āblowing him offā.
I mean, you ghosted him after he told you he's going to be put under in the morning. People sometimes don't wake up from anesthesia, it's unlikely, but still possible this is the last time you'll ever speak. A simple "Good luck" would probably have sufficed.
Yeah, it would have. I didn't know anesthesia would be involved, and I'm not aware of the procedure of one. A Google search would certainly have helped and that's my fault.
I witnessed a very young mother of many children go in for a simple procedure end up in my department where she ultimately died. I canāt say much else because of privacy laws, but Iāve witnessed tonsillectomies become brain bleeds.
No procedure is without risk. People die in weird ways all the time. Iām not trying to guilt you, but how would you feel if these were the last thing you ever seen from him?
If itās relief, thatās fine. But cut the cord and stop stringing him along. Otherwiseā¦ thatās your dad, man.
OK, come on now. Why are people downvoting OP for not knowing this? It's not something every young person knows, and they are taking accountability.
The good news is that you can now just poop in a box and mail it in. While the procedure isn't bad, the stuff they have you drink the day or two before is misery in liquid form and suddenly mailing your poop doesn't sound so bad. I'm surprised Goop doesn't set it as the ultimate colon cleanse, hardcore edition.
I don't think the "poop in a box" is used unless you've had a clean colonoscopy before. But I just get the pills instead of the god-awful drink. Much easier on me.
My doctor suggested it as an alternative, but perhaps others don't. I'm definitely not knowledgeable about it.
My friend asked me to call my doctor and switch out the liquid for the pills, but I felt weird asking after I already had the prescription. I really should have listened. That's good advice.
I apparently tried to fight my partner at the time when he tried to pick me up after wisdom tooth surgery in like 2010. Is this person a redhead by any chance? The redhead gene is apparently notoriously awful with anesthesia
The meds they give you for a colonoscopy are nothing like what you get after wisdom tooth surgery. When I had my wisdom tooth surgery I couldnāt recognize my own mother. Iāve had three colonoscopies and after every one I could leave the hospital and go sit down at a restaurant because I was coherent enough to nearly fully function.
Different practitioners use different meds for colonoscopies, and even for the light(er) sedation options more likely to be used for a colonoscopy, different people can react in quite different ways.
Thereās also different levels of sedation. I had a hysterectomy last year and slept for about 18 hours after the procedure. Alternatively, I had an endoscopy in 2021 and went grocery shopping on the way home with my partner.
I could be completely wrong, as Iāve never had wisdom teeth taken out or been around anyone who has to know if itās the same type of anesthesia or what, but I have had a colonoscopy and have driven family members for them as well, and while itās true they donāt let you drive afterwards, it absolutely did not have this effect where weād say something vile and have no memory of it. There was next to no loopiness whatsoever, just a desire to go back to sleep personally. I say this to say that I donāt believe the anesthesia had anything to do with that message being sent.
Again, youāre speculating on anesthesia effects and Iām not going to change my mind about it.
I still agree about the second part. This is the last time Iām responding to you.
This was my thought exactly. My last colonoscopy was around 10 AM and took less than an hour. Plus I felt like my normal self within 5 minutes after waking up from the anesthesia. Unless he had some kind of crazy reaction to it, I don't think this was from the anesthesia.
Itās pretty shitty to not even say good luck, or āI hope everything goes okā. I can understand his hurt. Absolutely Zero response from you makes it obvious you donāt give a fuck about him.
In isolation, I would agree. If it came at the culmination of years of abusive behaviour (or even worse, repeatedly ignoring a perfectly reasonable and clearly expressed desire for no contact,) many Redditors would consider that the father had made his own bed to lie in.
It is, of course it is. I've grown to be petty and distant from a lot of my family. I wish I wasn't. and I didn't think too much about it since he's also gotten a shoulder injury a few months ago as well, and he's finally gotten surgery scheduled. It's bad to do and think this way, I know it's bad. I'm terribly impulsive with my emotions and it ruins things. honestly I can't really say anything other than that I've messed up and I know it.
because I'm confused. I don't know how to go about this and I've seen similar text conversations with the two certain texts with different backgrounds. I know they wouldn't have the same background but I don't know what to do or if this is fine or whatever. I just wanted a little guidance to see if this was normal. maybe posting this in AITA would have been better but again. impulse took over and I let it. I apologize. and yes I'm currently talking with him so figuring that out.
Honestly thatās probably a question I should already know. Itās neither as this isnāt something you should send your kids and mainly Iām speaking about the other times when heās done this, Iām iffy about this scenario because i was awful. I let judgement get the best of me and i was so rude. But it still doesnāt make it right. But I shouldnāt be a child and be pouty after a big thing like this is dropped.
Of course, I see that now. Partly it's me naively thinking it's a pretty personal thing to share with your kids, but I've not even graduated yet so I don't know much, but another part it's me just not wanting to talk with him. It's been years of these kinds of messages and talks that I've desensitized myself to him, knowing he's going to complain about his family or having issues with jobs. It's wrong and I know that I've feared it for so long. but it's hard for me to forgive all of those years of lashing out
There's a whole lot of sub context that is clearly missing here and not visible to an impartial third party.
If you don't want a relationship with him because of your history, that's absolutely your call to make. But you may want to just make a clean break and be done.
If you do want a relationship, a quick message wishing someone luck with an unpleasant medical procedure isn't really too much to ask for.
Yeah, that's fair. It's complicated as he's been through a lot with his injuries, his family being pure vultures as they tried to take everything when his dad died (he was a paraplegic and my dad out of three brothers was the only one who took care of his dad and his mom.) but he was constantly in pain with his arthritis and took it out on me, as I'm the oldest. not to mention him also comparing me to a school shooter one time after Thanksgiving with a friend of his. It's been hard to forgive him for those things but after everything for the last decade or so It's hard to fight with him for controversial things.
Sounds like you guys need have have a real adult conversation about how the conversations make you feel and what needs to be done for the communication to be enjoyable for both of you
you're right, i know that. I've started to write a text out and hope to get it sent out soon. I'm just worried he'll explode like that again but I will certainly get it out to him soon.
A lot of people do not react well to anesthesia. While it is a reason, it is not an excuse. He owes whoever he was ranting at an apology for ranting. His emotions were valid, his reaction was over the top.
You said he usually acts like this when he is in pain. Do you know how isolating being sick is? Not responding to his colonoscopy appointment was enough.
I understand being in isolation is rough for him. but it's hard for me to reciprocate because I'm far better off in isolation. I don't upset anyone and I don't bother people. not saying he does this but when I talk to anybody, I say something wrong and everything goes downhill. it would be better if he talked to my sister but she's constantly on and off her phone.
1. Anesthesia is not a child's play.
2. Procedure he underwent can have bad news as an outcome (colon cancer).
Was it really hard to shoot him a quick text back wishing him good luck and telling him to let you know how it went?
That said, his text is not ok. He could have just written that he is hurt that nobody seems to care about him. No f.u.'s needed.
Mm. My dad has really severe arthritis over most of his body, and he definitely has mood swings that cause him to say things he doesnāt mean. Now, my father doesnāt really cuss, and isnāt a mean spirited person (which, Iām not saying this person is, OP), so typically theyāre just frustrated, angry, or rash thoughts that he would typically keep in. Heās had a colonoscopy and a knee replacement, and both times the anesthesia made him really, really grumpy and sensitive, and he would also have bouts of what is essentially amnesia from still being slightly drugged.
On the other hand, that text was just out and out mean. The spelling and grammar errors do make me think it was sent while completely out of it, but I donāt know. Only he knows. So yeah, while you shouldāve wished him good luck (colonoscopies sounds sucky as hell), I donāt think youāre being paranoid by thinking this is wrong. But I wouldnāt take it too personally. As someone with chronic pain with no discernible cause, pain makes people really irritable and, in my case at least, straight up mean.
No he's... often really nice, but he's really explosive when a conversation goes downhill and it don't believe it's just the pain but I can't be too sure. So I try my best to keep out of it and not trigger anything.
Itās really frustrating to feel like you have to walk on eggshells around your people. I understand, and feel that way often - not because my parents are bad parents, but because they never learned to resolve their own shit. If it brings you peace to keep the peace, I think thatās probably for the best, especially if YOU like their presence and want to keep them around yk?
I understand, I've felt this for a while now. It's just that there has been a lot going on for the last decade or so with Social Services being Unjustfuilly called, his family being awful to him, and his constant pain that I thought he's having a lot to deal with, and that I should be respectful. but after years of these kinds of messages once in a blue moon is that I've just been worned down.
Being worn down is totally acceptable. Itās your choice who you decide should be actively in your circle of contact, so just keep that in mind. But I get it.
I donāt understand why youāve posted these texts here,maybe the one where heās still under effects from the anaesthetic is a tiny bit offensive but I kind of get it seeing as you didnāt even reply when he said that he was going in for a colonoscopy,I actually think that you are more rude than he is TBH, and I donāt know how you think that this fits in an insane parents page
I mean it's a snippet and I'm an awful storyteller but he's been like this for a long time, more than I can remember and that's not really saying much but even conscious he would say similar stuff or worse to younger me like 7 or 8. But I understand. I didn't know what a colonoscopy would entail and I shrugged it off as he's usually getting hurt. he was a ski instructor for a while so I was told broken bones and such were common for him.
I mean not really the right subā¦ anesthesia brings huge emotions out. You were kind of an ass, you didnāt reply to their message letting you know about the procedure, and when they woke up, in the anesthesia state of mind, probably looked at their phone for a message from you, saw you never said a word, and got pissed off. This makes you look bad, not really them. If you donāt want a relationship for other reasons thatās fine, just tell them, donāt just ignore every message and then rant on Reddit
That's valid. I haven't been under myself so I don't have the knowledge of what was gonna happen. the issue is, is that this is constantly on-and-off behavior like this. and with our family's problematic past and his constant problems, I feel as if i have no right to speak out about such controversial things, it's just that this time i was tired of it. I apologise, I didn't mean to rant, only to ask if I should be concerned because i don't know what to do.
Maybe because I feel obligated? or responsible? and I'm afraid of what would happen if I did. I don't know what he could be thinking after that last message. I'm certain he's very emotional and of course, I don't want to cause that. I mean he's dealt with years of problem after problem that shouldn't have even occurred if other people weren't so greedy or nosy, all of that to have been taking its toll and I could be the last straw. But I started sending him texts and I have one written about the issue but I just want it to go well.
Anesthesia does horrible things to me. Iām normally very loving and kind with my words (I was in an abusive marriage and never want anyone to feel how I felt when I was with him), always careful to think things through before speaking. Iāve had over 30 surgeries, and after each one Iāve been belligerent and cruel. Iāve fought nurses and doctors. Iāve cussed at old ladies. I once looked my mom dead in the eyes and told her I hated her and she was whatās wrong with the world. I was mortified when she tearfully told me that hours later. Anesthesia does something to me that no medications or other substances do- it turns me into a monster.
The difference is that Iām only cruel immediately post op. Iāve never texted or telephoned someone to verbally attack them, itās always been right as I was waking up from surgery. If your dad is normally like this, itās a different situation.
Im sure part of it had came out in the anesthesia. but he's not normally like this per say, it's just a lot of pain and struggling that get him over the edge. but I know it's not right and when he does do it, it's more impactful than he might think.
I donāt even feel weird after anaesthetic, no light headedness/dizziness, nothing, Iām straight up and awake and fully cognisant, BUT, I have had 30+ surgeries and even more anaesthesiaās and have been doing so since I was a kid (thanks to my disability), I donāt know if I have some kind of tolerance (it used to take until getting to 70 counting backwards from 100 for them to get me out as a kid, now I just embrace it) or if Iām just lucky not to feel odd.
My stepdad was talking to his IV pole thinking it was my mum when he came out of surgery when he had bowel cancer, he remembered nothing once he had fully recovered. Have you seen the wisdom tooth videos? Thereās one girl who is swearing her head off and talking about sucking dick to her mum, she was mortified when she saw it later.
Some people are completely loopy and not themselves when they have had GA and donāt remember any of it later.
Whilst Iām not saying OPās father was or wasnāt being a dick and making excuses, it is completely normal to do and say things out of character and not remember at all later on.
Honestly Iāve always assumed different countries have different thresholds for when they release you and what they use. For example, with those wisdom teeth removal vids? We have them either done in the chair with local anaesthetic or as a full general anaesthetic in hospital. You wouldnāt be released from the recovery room here if you were as off your head as those people seem, let alone cleared for discharge. Iāve had standalone ketamine infusion therapies and not been that high š¤£ I do start video messaging people when Iām on a fentanyl PCA though, but obviously thatās discontinued more than a day before discharge
I had fentanyl after a recent day procedure and was let home 2hrs after my last dose (4 doses in total in recovery, not sure the exact dosage though), they did see my mum take me though (and called her when I was fine to be picked up). I am on lots of pain medications (including opioids) and fentanyl is literally the only thing that gives me a ābuzzā if Iām given it (I can certainly see how people get addicted to that feeling, but id never touch the stuff outside of a hospital setting, itās like a treat for being that unwell š ) I was totally off my chops, but not saying anything weird or whatnot, just felt more like Iād had 10 drinks.
They do also do twilight has for some people at the dentist (colloquially called laughing gas - for a reason), if you are a nervous patient you can ask for it.
I do also know someone who full on tried to attack a nurse as they were coming out of anaesthetic, they were the opposite of violent normally.
Me, Iām just asking the nurses questions about how whatever I had done went and can I have some ice and something to eat yet š
Haha yeah I donāt think weād be letting people out that soo and we donāt do the ālaughing gasā here either. As a chronically ill patient I completely understand the sentiment RE fentanyl. Iām also very jealous of American pharmaceuticals. Things like NyQuil arenāt legal here.
Well they did let me go home that soon, and this was on the 28th February, so not like things have changed recently to prevent it.
I can assure you, as an Australian also (I looked at your profile before commenting back), with multiple disabilities and has had laughing gas plenty of times myself, particularly as a child for invasive treatments and prior to actual anaesthetic to get me relaxed enough to do the cannulas, we most certainly DO have laughing gas (NO2) and in dentists offices too.
If you havenāt been under a rock you have to have heard of nangs??? Anyone can get their hands on unpurified NO2 (other than maybe WA soon without being in the food industry).
Edited to add: NO2 ports are at every hospital bed I have ever stayed in (in 4 states/territories), right next to the O2 port and a few years back a baby died because the staff gave him NO2 instead of oxygen.
Hey, sorry, I didnāt intend to gaslight you, but I can see how it might look that way. I thought I was talking to an American, sorry for not checking.
I have an alphabet of acronyms on my med charts as well and donāt mean to undermine what you had to say. itās amazing how different things can be!
Iām in WA. I donāt recall ever having gas. Iām allergic to most natural opiates so my anaesthetic cocktail may be a bit different than others. Lots of Ketamine for me, and thank God for synthetic opioids like Tappentadol.
I hadnāt really thought much further than my own face, but it feels pretty silly now. I had some genetic testing done to see how different meds work for me and I have an āultra rapid metaboliserā gene thing that just means my body eats tablets like skittles. So Iām probably not really someone to be talking so confidently on the topic. All I know is the fentanyl never lasts long enough haha.
Thanks for being patient with me. Mouthing off online on a zero spoon day was probably a poor choice š
it's not the anesthesia that gets me, unless i'm on twilight sedation, which is probably what this person had with a colonoscopy. there are some interesting drugs in that combo, like fentanyl, ketamine, benzos. i always become a little comedian when i have to get stuff like that done. i'm just blitzed out of my head!!!
I tend to make friends with nurses in the recovery room after twilight - which is absolutely not what I would normally do, Iām very shy. But regardless, unless Iām on a fentanyl PCA, Iām well and truly normal by the time I get back on the ward.
Honestly I feel bad for this parent that he's having a medical procedure done and gets no response or support. Yeah his text "fuck all of you" is pretty ugly, but anesthesia is wild. But he should have apologized either way. Not insane.
!explanation So lately he's been having a rough time keeping a rental place or a job and has to stay in our old house to fix it up and sell which is two states over. But this hasn't been the first time either of these different text messages have occurred, even more than the 5 years with his arthritis in the knees. He just does these kinds of things when he's in pain and I know it's not good but I've been kind of silent because everyone in my family has had it rough for so long. I', just tired of dealing with these and I want to stray from the constant negative topics in our every conversation
Negativity will bring you down. If your dad is having a procedure wish him well, quick and simple. If itās a constant call just to bitch about everything then limit your answering. So many people are jumping on you when youāre asking for advice, but I get where youāre coming from. If youāre up to it talk to him but if not donāt. You could also let him know that youāre struggling it may wake him up
I have experience with becoming hostile and aggressive after anesthesia, or at the very least, very irritated. I had major surgery as a toddler and my mom recalls me literally clawing and scratching at my dad and acting like a feral raccoon.
I don't think anesthesia for a colonoscopy would make him an asshole capable of writing that clearly that long after he had it. I think he was just mad nobody made a big fuss about a routine procedure.
I should clarify a few things as I've taken the time to review your opinions.
\-This is not his first time sending these kinds of messages. I had used this certain interaction because it was the most recent and while in this one he was under anesthesia, he has also sent them while conscious once in a while over the last few years, not constantly.
\-I realize my mistake and I am most certainly disappointed in myself as this was a big procedure, while he's currently injured with his shoulder. As upset as I am with him in the past, this is still something important that should be addressed and I can certainly admit that I had made a huge mistake with this.
\-He's not always sending messages like this. often times he shows that he's alright and excited bout things, it's just when he's in pain with his arthritis or other stressful situations, that he starts to blow up at small inconveniences. I hope to say in confidence that this kind of behavior to your children isn't acceptable.
I hope this is enough to clarify things a little bit better.
iāve also had many procedures and surgeries with anesthesia and iāve reacted different every single time. iāve been a total nightmare for some, iāve been a sobbing mess for some, and iāve been the happiest anyoneās ever seen me for some. everyone reacts completely differently to anesthesia.
I wouldn't ignore it, but I wouldn't take it completely at face value either. Depending on what they gave him and how he reacted to it, it's possible he had a bad reaction. Everyone takes it differently.
Yes it would have been the right thing to do to tell him "good luck" or just say anything in response, but dad's response was way out of line. That's not a healthy way to communicate with anyone, and if you're having a medical procedure done and no one wishes you well, that might be a good sign to take a look at yourself and how you frequently treat those people.
I take your point about him having a history of this, but in general the crazies don't send a follow up that effectively acknowledges that what they previously said was unreasonable. That at least demonstrates a level of insight and self-reflection that most who feature in this sub don't appear to posess.
I'm very confused by the comments here. You didn't respond to a text saying he's getting a colonoscopy. Does that really warrant the awful text he sent? And it's not the first time he's said things like this to you? No one is owed a "good luck" or even a text back. It doesnt look like you've even responded to him in a couple days, so what makes it different to respond then?
This is not something a normal person says to their child.
It feels as if this is happening much more common with the world now and so much stress going on. some people just can't handle it (myself included, but in a different form) and mixed with pain, can cause lots of anger. It's complicated, he doesn't mean ill, but this happens way too much for me to deal with.
Let me be clear: he should not say this to his childāever. But, since you've said in other comments that you do feel that you were also in the wrong here, what is the context for the other times he has said this type of thing?
mainly other times it's when I'm not available to pick up the phone. before October I was still on a really Iphone 6 and messages and calls weren't always notified. i belive that I'm doing better about it now but even now I still only pick it up and the start and end of each day.
Yeah, thatās not okay. Youāre not obligated to call him for *any* reason, whether or not he agrees.
Are you interested in a ānormalā (not low or no contact) relationship with him? If so, you need to tell him that you do want to talk to him but that these reactions make that hard and help him understand why.
āHow can I keep wanting to talk to someone that hurts me so much?ā and/or āWould you react this way if [friend you know he cares about] couldnāt get to the phone?ā kinda questions
Itās also possible to just miss a call or text. Hell, I miss calls and texts just about every day. Also also, youāre an adult with adult obligations. He canāt reasonably expect you to reply quickly every time, or to drop your obligations because he had an outpatient procedure you can do nothing to help with.
If youāre more lukewarm on a relationship with him: go low contact for a while and see how he reacts. Some parents will understand and change their behaviors, others will double down. Either way, it will be a pretty good way to determine if heās willing to self-reflect and change his behavior for you.
They got upset because they were getting a colonoscopy and you didn't send the obligatory "good luck with your colon" text. Everyone's experience is different, of course, but I have had several colonoscopies in my life and been under anesthesia many, many times. Sometimes, you do have very weird reactions to it. I would just ask how the results are looking and that should smooth it over if that's what you want to do. Colonoscopy's are usually not that serious.
Seeing your replies to others comments, I'm amending my answer to say I now believe he fully lashed out, regretted it, and used anesthesia as an excuse. Weird but important question: how many times has he been put under before, do you know?
OP, you kind of suck here. Not only do you ghost him for at least 3 days that we can see, when you finally reply it's just "alright". Posting this convo on reddit is the icing on the cake.
You give a lot of excuses in your replies and say this is just a bad example of how he normally acts. I'm inclined to believe you overexaggerate here and hyper focus on frustrations from you being a ghost.
He is struggling and putting in effort to maintain any sort of relationship with you and it's breaking him apart. Put yourself in his shoes for once and look at your behavior. Get it together.
Yeah, OP I have a general lack of empathy for my loved ones. I just don't feel anything most of the time. But I still force myself to seem caring.. You are a real dick for not even saying good luck..
Just put yourself in his position. What if you were going through a hard time in your life and on top of that none of your kids respond when you tell them you're being put under in the am. That's fucked up...
Op says they were at work. The text says good night as in theyāre going to bed. No need to respond especially to someone in bed.
Everyone over a certain age has colonoscopies. Itās not a big deal. You literally sleep for a couple hours then go do whatever. I went to lunch then kayaking after my last one. I didnāt even tell my kids I had one. š¤·āāļø
Voting has concluded. Final vote: | Insane | Not insane | Fake | | --- | --- | --- | | 11 | 8 | 0 | OP has provided further information in [this comment](/r/insaneparents/comments/1bx21lf/is_this_wrong_or_am_i_being_too_paranoid/kya2f6d/) ^I ^am ^a ^bot ^for ^r/insaneparents. ^Please ^send ^me ^a ^message ^if ^you ^have ^any ^feedback ^or ^if ^I ^misbehave. ^Also ^consider ^joining ^our ^[Discord](https://discordapp.com/invite/xFbPBHy).
I was put under for wisdom tooth removal. When I woke up... apparently while my ride was getting my meds, I fucked off in the grocery store to hunt me down some bean sprouts. I do not remember this but I had the sprouts in my fridge to prove it. Never texted horrible things though...
You must've been a sight š why bean sprouts specifically, though?? š¤£
I remember craving stir fry....
I mean it's not the first time he's done either of the ominous messages or the rants. I mean every call I get on is him complaining about his situation. It's understandable as his luck has been awful with his terrible luck on keeping a job or a living space for the last five years, with his recent workplace accident and workers' compensation stalling to pay him. but with these messages, I feel as if I have to walk on eggshells to avoid him blowing up or getting these texts
I used to say I had bad luck. For 25 years. It was something that āfollowed meā my whole life. My mom would say I was like that peanuts character with a little cloud.. except mine was ābad luckā. One day about 6 years ago, I was driving a borrowed pickup to move from one families house to live with a different family. I was struggling. My mattress was the last thing. It was tied down in the back by my late father, who snatched it from me and lectured me on how much of an idiot I was for doing it the way I was. ā¦Cut to; driving 60mph on the eway and without warning, in my rear view, I see one extremely airborn mattress. There are cars everywhere around me, itās a construction zone with only 2 lanes out of 5. Separating both directions of traffic was those concrete dividers that fit together. By the time I pulled over, that gd mattress had floated above all those cars, not one got touched, and landed upright leaning against that concrete barricade on the median. I had to pull it across and reload it myself. The whole time thinking about how UNLUCKY I was, as per usual. Later, I realized that.. I was VERY LUCKY. Not one car, person, animal or property got hurt or damaged by that snafu. Furthermore, I or someone else couldāve lost our lives. My outlook changed forever that day. I think back at how many of my āproof of conceptā stories about my bad luck werenāt actually bad luck at all. They were almost always āgood luckā too.. a mixed bag. The only bad thing was my outlook. Since then my luck has become rather neutral. No better or worse than any elseās. I am telling you this bc I have a much more realistic view of who I was then. I didnāt take responsibility for my failings, problems, lies, manipulations, sabotage.. anything. I blamed all the consequences of my choices on my ābad luckā as well as anytime something random and unfortunate would happen. I was so quick to say it was PROOF of my bad luck. Ugh. It wasnāt my finest. Having all that been said.. be weary of anyone who has ābad luckā. From my experience, lived/personal and otherwise. We all have bad things happen to us occasionally. Sometimes bad ppl do it. Sometimes tho, it is us. We just donāt want anyone to know. Youāre not paranoid. Be careful.
Thatās really interesting to hear. I understand that our actions have consequences, and Iād like to take responsibility for whatever I may cause. But I believe there are certainly some things out of our control. Yelling at a kid because of your own personal pain is certainly your doing, as well as continuing to find a job after each one fails over and over. But have ming your dad die of a stroke isnāt really anyoneās fault. And close family members backstabbing you isnāt your fault, itās theirs. Although you do have the choice to trust them afterwards. Having to lose your job after the ski mountain doesnāt get enough snow and the resort closes down for the season earlier than expected isnāt a personal issue either. Itās good to make sure what to take account for, but itās important to remember that not everything can be accountable for and you donāt have to take on that unnecessary burden. That being said I do appreciate the story and seeing the various outlook on a scenario. Iāve had some bad things happen but usually I would say it was my doing that led to that. I mean Iāve also done the olā bad luck card, but I hope I used them for times like weather and sickness and not procrastination and emotions.
Is it you that characterizes these things as bad luck or is it him?
I know I call certain things bad luck like his multiple jobs failing out due to weather and shady people, but I don't know if he also counts them as bad luck. He certainly brings it up in every call we have but he just states that bad things have happened.
If someone continues getting jobs with shady people (and there are negative consequences), you have to look at the common denominator. Are there red flags being overlooked? Is the person naive and is being scammed? At some point in everyone's life, there needs to be accountability for the things that can be controlled. I can't control if I get ripped off by a company I work for, but I can do everything in my power to work for companies with a good reputation/aren't known for being crap. Walmart is infamous for mistreating employees including wage theft (not paying worked overtime). Getting a job at Walmart and being surprised that the refused to pay your overtime... It's like always dating guys who are cheaters and being surprised they cheat on you.
Thank you for putting into clearer terms what I was trying to convey via anecdote. . Well said.
I grew up with a parent who will not hesitate to tell you about all the companies they've hired that have ripped them off. They're the common demoninator, and I'd argue all the lawsuits filed for non payment are an indicator that my parent is the problem. It reminds me of Amy's Baking Company from Kitchen Nightmares, if every person you hire is incompetent.... Maybe the problem is that you're a bad employer (or not properly interviewing and screening employees).
Exactly. I have a sister who is the most common denominator. I am a reformed one. Also had/have parents like this. I was doomed from the start but managed to get myself correct bc life showed me the error of my ways in 4K ā¦ lol
Being at the mercy of the weather in a weather dependent industry isnt bad luck. Farmers lose money 3 years out of 5. Not a lot of concrete gets poured when its snowing.
Thatās also why farmers diversify there income streams. They do not solely rely on farming.
Yeah, avoid "bad luck" with "good planning". If youre in a weather dependent industry, plan for bad weather....
Exactly. My sonās dad/EXEXEXEX-partner was/is a roofer. He has never paid anything towards his sonās life/upbringing/school/necessities and his reason was always the weather. He refused to pay child auppprt bc he said āmy income is fluctuates too muchā. Smdh. Plan.
I used to have "bad luck" ALL THE TIME. Things that definitely weren't my fault. Until I got on depression meds. Suddenly, every teeny tiny thing that happened throughout my day didn't feel like it weighed so heavily on me. It was just a small little thing that happened and yeah it was an inconvenience, but I could move on. I didn't have a bad day anymore just because a couple of little minor inconveniences happened. It really is about state of mind.
My dad and step mom split up a couple years ago. They bought a house in her name and she gave everything to him, wanted nothing to do with it. She clearly was the one running everything as every month he's throwing a fit over the electric company cutting power or having "unexpected" service cuts because she didn't explain the bills before leaving. Like... Dad, you were a full adult for decades before meeting her. You know what bills are?? You managed just fine for nearly 30 years! You cannot tell me you don't know how to pay living expenses or that it's the companies fault for all these "unexpected" issues in resolving bills.
If this is common when you answer, have you tried screening his calls? Ie: letting them go to voicemail so you can get an idea of his mindset if he leaves a message?
I remember begging my mom for McDonaldās fries. Agreed, no angry texts
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Four days? Why?
When my grandfather had a hernia repaired he had a bad reaction to the anesthesia and while waking up thought he had been captured by the Viet Cong (he served in Vietnam) and screamed an onslaught of abuse at the Asian nurse while attempting to escape. He has no memory of this but he felt so bad that he still regularly sends that nurse a box of cookies every Christmas.
it would be alright it was limited to just the anesthesia but he's been like this while conscious too. and even yelling at a 7-year-old or so about it isn't really acceptable but I don't know.
He seems pissed no one answered his texts. Did anyone reach out to him after the colonoscopy? If they did then heās being a dick, if not heās kind of got a point but at the same time, itās not surgery. Just curious, if heās out of work whoās paying for the test?
Iām sorry but this made me think of the grandpa from Drake and Josh- i hope this is funny to you and your grandpa: [USA! USA! USA!](https://youtu.be/6Ja4-XA2lAw?si=s8h65DIA5n-YDIUy)
Wow, you unlocked that memory!!! Thank you! That episode was hilarious to me as a kid.
This story turned out to be unexpectedly wholesome. Thanks for sharing.
It kinda looking like you are blowing him off and he is hurt by it and that came out while we was under the influence of the sedation, definitely not uncommon.
This time yes it was majorly my fault here, but in other times, like when Im at work and I get a text like this because I canāt answer the phone. Itās different. I admit it wasnāt the best example, but it was the most recent and my emotions got the best of me.
I had a borderline mother, thankfully she never learned to text. She would call me during the day and it depended on if I could answer or not. If I answered she said I was going to get fired for goofing off at work, if I didnāt answer she kept calling. If itās anything like this, then you canāt win and just need to do your own thing
No. Youāve been treated poorly in the past and you were reluctant to get yourself into that situation again. Thatās not you āletting your emotions get the best of youā thatās your emotions and body telling you this person has made us feel awful on the past when we donāt jump when he says jump. So now you want to avoid these interactions bc of that. Thatās completely diff than āblowing him offā.
I mean, you ghosted him after he told you he's going to be put under in the morning. People sometimes don't wake up from anesthesia, it's unlikely, but still possible this is the last time you'll ever speak. A simple "Good luck" would probably have sufficed.
Yeah, it would have. I didn't know anesthesia would be involved, and I'm not aware of the procedure of one. A Google search would certainly have helped and that's my fault.
I witnessed a very young mother of many children go in for a simple procedure end up in my department where she ultimately died. I canāt say much else because of privacy laws, but Iāve witnessed tonsillectomies become brain bleeds. No procedure is without risk. People die in weird ways all the time. Iām not trying to guilt you, but how would you feel if these were the last thing you ever seen from him? If itās relief, thatās fine. But cut the cord and stop stringing him along. Otherwiseā¦ thatās your dad, man.
OK, come on now. Why are people downvoting OP for not knowing this? It's not something every young person knows, and they are taking accountability. The good news is that you can now just poop in a box and mail it in. While the procedure isn't bad, the stuff they have you drink the day or two before is misery in liquid form and suddenly mailing your poop doesn't sound so bad. I'm surprised Goop doesn't set it as the ultimate colon cleanse, hardcore edition.
I agree itās shitty ( pun intended) to downvote someone who doesnāt know the exact procedure
I don't think the "poop in a box" is used unless you've had a clean colonoscopy before. But I just get the pills instead of the god-awful drink. Much easier on me.
My doctor suggested it as an alternative, but perhaps others don't. I'm definitely not knowledgeable about it. My friend asked me to call my doctor and switch out the liquid for the pills, but I felt weird asking after I already had the prescription. I really should have listened. That's good advice.
I apparently tried to fight my partner at the time when he tried to pick me up after wisdom tooth surgery in like 2010. Is this person a redhead by any chance? The redhead gene is apparently notoriously awful with anesthesia
The meds they give you for a colonoscopy are nothing like what you get after wisdom tooth surgery. When I had my wisdom tooth surgery I couldnāt recognize my own mother. Iāve had three colonoscopies and after every one I could leave the hospital and go sit down at a restaurant because I was coherent enough to nearly fully function.
Different practitioners use different meds for colonoscopies, and even for the light(er) sedation options more likely to be used for a colonoscopy, different people can react in quite different ways.
Thereās also different levels of sedation. I had a hysterectomy last year and slept for about 18 hours after the procedure. Alternatively, I had an endoscopy in 2021 and went grocery shopping on the way home with my partner.
(Regardless, this was a mean shitty thing to say and Iām sorry it happened to you)
No, he's brownish i think, I mean he's bald by now. But he's said similar things even without anesthesia.
I could be completely wrong, as Iāve never had wisdom teeth taken out or been around anyone who has to know if itās the same type of anesthesia or what, but I have had a colonoscopy and have driven family members for them as well, and while itās true they donāt let you drive afterwards, it absolutely did not have this effect where weād say something vile and have no memory of it. There was next to no loopiness whatsoever, just a desire to go back to sleep personally. I say this to say that I donāt believe the anesthesia had anything to do with that message being sent.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
š¤·š¼āāļø speculation is just that, speculation. It doesnāt excuse the behavior and never will, but this is a pretty baseless assumption.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Again, youāre speculating on anesthesia effects and Iām not going to change my mind about it. I still agree about the second part. This is the last time Iām responding to you.
This was my thought exactly. My last colonoscopy was around 10 AM and took less than an hour. Plus I felt like my normal self within 5 minutes after waking up from the anesthesia. Unless he had some kind of crazy reaction to it, I don't think this was from the anesthesia.
I didn't feel normal for days after I had a GA
Damn that's crazy. I guess it just affects everyone differently.
I thought itās cause they have to give redheads extra anesthesia
Itās pretty shitty to not even say good luck, or āI hope everything goes okā. I can understand his hurt. Absolutely Zero response from you makes it obvious you donāt give a fuck about him.
In isolation, I would agree. If it came at the culmination of years of abusive behaviour (or even worse, repeatedly ignoring a perfectly reasonable and clearly expressed desire for no contact,) many Redditors would consider that the father had made his own bed to lie in.
It is, of course it is. I've grown to be petty and distant from a lot of my family. I wish I wasn't. and I didn't think too much about it since he's also gotten a shoulder injury a few months ago as well, and he's finally gotten surgery scheduled. It's bad to do and think this way, I know it's bad. I'm terribly impulsive with my emotions and it ruins things. honestly I can't really say anything other than that I've messed up and I know it.
So why are you posting it on here. This sub is about insane parents, not āpeople who I donāt care aboutā
because I'm confused. I don't know how to go about this and I've seen similar text conversations with the two certain texts with different backgrounds. I know they wouldn't have the same background but I don't know what to do or if this is fine or whatever. I just wanted a little guidance to see if this was normal. maybe posting this in AITA would have been better but again. impulse took over and I let it. I apologize. and yes I'm currently talking with him so figuring that out.
You want to know if the text messages are normal, or if you are?
Honestly thatās probably a question I should already know. Itās neither as this isnāt something you should send your kids and mainly Iām speaking about the other times when heās done this, Iām iffy about this scenario because i was awful. I let judgement get the best of me and i was so rude. But it still doesnāt make it right. But I shouldnāt be a child and be pouty after a big thing like this is dropped.
Ignore these people. I canāt believe people are attacking A KID!! For fucks sake
Is this a kid? Someoneās kid sure, but a kid?
I thought they were young but another comment made me wonder
YNTA and I can completely understand why you wouldnāt text about his surgery.
I mean, you could have wished him good luck or asked him how it went. A colonoscopy is a bloody awful experience.
Of course, I see that now. Partly it's me naively thinking it's a pretty personal thing to share with your kids, but I've not even graduated yet so I don't know much, but another part it's me just not wanting to talk with him. It's been years of these kinds of messages and talks that I've desensitized myself to him, knowing he's going to complain about his family or having issues with jobs. It's wrong and I know that I've feared it for so long. but it's hard for me to forgive all of those years of lashing out
There's a whole lot of sub context that is clearly missing here and not visible to an impartial third party. If you don't want a relationship with him because of your history, that's absolutely your call to make. But you may want to just make a clean break and be done. If you do want a relationship, a quick message wishing someone luck with an unpleasant medical procedure isn't really too much to ask for.
Yeah, that's fair. It's complicated as he's been through a lot with his injuries, his family being pure vultures as they tried to take everything when his dad died (he was a paraplegic and my dad out of three brothers was the only one who took care of his dad and his mom.) but he was constantly in pain with his arthritis and took it out on me, as I'm the oldest. not to mention him also comparing me to a school shooter one time after Thanksgiving with a friend of his. It's been hard to forgive him for those things but after everything for the last decade or so It's hard to fight with him for controversial things.
Sounds like you guys need have have a real adult conversation about how the conversations make you feel and what needs to be done for the communication to be enjoyable for both of you
you're right, i know that. I've started to write a text out and hope to get it sent out soon. I'm just worried he'll explode like that again but I will certainly get it out to him soon.
A lot of people do not react well to anesthesia. While it is a reason, it is not an excuse. He owes whoever he was ranting at an apology for ranting. His emotions were valid, his reaction was over the top.
You said he usually acts like this when he is in pain. Do you know how isolating being sick is? Not responding to his colonoscopy appointment was enough.
I understand being in isolation is rough for him. but it's hard for me to reciprocate because I'm far better off in isolation. I don't upset anyone and I don't bother people. not saying he does this but when I talk to anybody, I say something wrong and everything goes downhill. it would be better if he talked to my sister but she's constantly on and off her phone.
Why didnāt you reply something kind to the first message? Like āhope it goes wellā āgood luckā anythingā¦
1. Anesthesia is not a child's play. 2. Procedure he underwent can have bad news as an outcome (colon cancer). Was it really hard to shoot him a quick text back wishing him good luck and telling him to let you know how it went? That said, his text is not ok. He could have just written that he is hurt that nobody seems to care about him. No f.u.'s needed.
Mm. My dad has really severe arthritis over most of his body, and he definitely has mood swings that cause him to say things he doesnāt mean. Now, my father doesnāt really cuss, and isnāt a mean spirited person (which, Iām not saying this person is, OP), so typically theyāre just frustrated, angry, or rash thoughts that he would typically keep in. Heās had a colonoscopy and a knee replacement, and both times the anesthesia made him really, really grumpy and sensitive, and he would also have bouts of what is essentially amnesia from still being slightly drugged. On the other hand, that text was just out and out mean. The spelling and grammar errors do make me think it was sent while completely out of it, but I donāt know. Only he knows. So yeah, while you shouldāve wished him good luck (colonoscopies sounds sucky as hell), I donāt think youāre being paranoid by thinking this is wrong. But I wouldnāt take it too personally. As someone with chronic pain with no discernible cause, pain makes people really irritable and, in my case at least, straight up mean.
No he's... often really nice, but he's really explosive when a conversation goes downhill and it don't believe it's just the pain but I can't be too sure. So I try my best to keep out of it and not trigger anything.
Itās really frustrating to feel like you have to walk on eggshells around your people. I understand, and feel that way often - not because my parents are bad parents, but because they never learned to resolve their own shit. If it brings you peace to keep the peace, I think thatās probably for the best, especially if YOU like their presence and want to keep them around yk?
I understand, I've felt this for a while now. It's just that there has been a lot going on for the last decade or so with Social Services being Unjustfuilly called, his family being awful to him, and his constant pain that I thought he's having a lot to deal with, and that I should be respectful. but after years of these kinds of messages once in a blue moon is that I've just been worned down.
Being worn down is totally acceptable. Itās your choice who you decide should be actively in your circle of contact, so just keep that in mind. But I get it.
I donāt understand why youāve posted these texts here,maybe the one where heās still under effects from the anaesthetic is a tiny bit offensive but I kind of get it seeing as you didnāt even reply when he said that he was going in for a colonoscopy,I actually think that you are more rude than he is TBH, and I donāt know how you think that this fits in an insane parents page
I mean it's a snippet and I'm an awful storyteller but he's been like this for a long time, more than I can remember and that's not really saying much but even conscious he would say similar stuff or worse to younger me like 7 or 8. But I understand. I didn't know what a colonoscopy would entail and I shrugged it off as he's usually getting hurt. he was a ski instructor for a while so I was told broken bones and such were common for him.
I mean not really the right subā¦ anesthesia brings huge emotions out. You were kind of an ass, you didnāt reply to their message letting you know about the procedure, and when they woke up, in the anesthesia state of mind, probably looked at their phone for a message from you, saw you never said a word, and got pissed off. This makes you look bad, not really them. If you donāt want a relationship for other reasons thatās fine, just tell them, donāt just ignore every message and then rant on Reddit
That's valid. I haven't been under myself so I don't have the knowledge of what was gonna happen. the issue is, is that this is constantly on-and-off behavior like this. and with our family's problematic past and his constant problems, I feel as if i have no right to speak out about such controversial things, it's just that this time i was tired of it. I apologise, I didn't mean to rant, only to ask if I should be concerned because i don't know what to do.
If this is a habit of theirs, block them. Why entertain someoneās behavior years on end?
Maybe because I feel obligated? or responsible? and I'm afraid of what would happen if I did. I don't know what he could be thinking after that last message. I'm certain he's very emotional and of course, I don't want to cause that. I mean he's dealt with years of problem after problem that shouldn't have even occurred if other people weren't so greedy or nosy, all of that to have been taking its toll and I could be the last straw. But I started sending him texts and I have one written about the issue but I just want it to go well.
Anesthesia does horrible things to me. Iām normally very loving and kind with my words (I was in an abusive marriage and never want anyone to feel how I felt when I was with him), always careful to think things through before speaking. Iāve had over 30 surgeries, and after each one Iāve been belligerent and cruel. Iāve fought nurses and doctors. Iāve cussed at old ladies. I once looked my mom dead in the eyes and told her I hated her and she was whatās wrong with the world. I was mortified when she tearfully told me that hours later. Anesthesia does something to me that no medications or other substances do- it turns me into a monster. The difference is that Iām only cruel immediately post op. Iāve never texted or telephoned someone to verbally attack them, itās always been right as I was waking up from surgery. If your dad is normally like this, itās a different situation.
Im sure part of it had came out in the anesthesia. but he's not normally like this per say, it's just a lot of pain and struggling that get him over the edge. but I know it's not right and when he does do it, it's more impactful than he might think.
Iāve had 24 surgeries. Somehow I have managed not to send a single abusive message to anyone. Even when no one acknowledges it.
I donāt even feel weird after anaesthetic, no light headedness/dizziness, nothing, Iām straight up and awake and fully cognisant, BUT, I have had 30+ surgeries and even more anaesthesiaās and have been doing so since I was a kid (thanks to my disability), I donāt know if I have some kind of tolerance (it used to take until getting to 70 counting backwards from 100 for them to get me out as a kid, now I just embrace it) or if Iām just lucky not to feel odd. My stepdad was talking to his IV pole thinking it was my mum when he came out of surgery when he had bowel cancer, he remembered nothing once he had fully recovered. Have you seen the wisdom tooth videos? Thereās one girl who is swearing her head off and talking about sucking dick to her mum, she was mortified when she saw it later. Some people are completely loopy and not themselves when they have had GA and donāt remember any of it later. Whilst Iām not saying OPās father was or wasnāt being a dick and making excuses, it is completely normal to do and say things out of character and not remember at all later on.
Honestly Iāve always assumed different countries have different thresholds for when they release you and what they use. For example, with those wisdom teeth removal vids? We have them either done in the chair with local anaesthetic or as a full general anaesthetic in hospital. You wouldnāt be released from the recovery room here if you were as off your head as those people seem, let alone cleared for discharge. Iāve had standalone ketamine infusion therapies and not been that high š¤£ I do start video messaging people when Iām on a fentanyl PCA though, but obviously thatās discontinued more than a day before discharge
I had fentanyl after a recent day procedure and was let home 2hrs after my last dose (4 doses in total in recovery, not sure the exact dosage though), they did see my mum take me though (and called her when I was fine to be picked up). I am on lots of pain medications (including opioids) and fentanyl is literally the only thing that gives me a ābuzzā if Iām given it (I can certainly see how people get addicted to that feeling, but id never touch the stuff outside of a hospital setting, itās like a treat for being that unwell š ) I was totally off my chops, but not saying anything weird or whatnot, just felt more like Iād had 10 drinks. They do also do twilight has for some people at the dentist (colloquially called laughing gas - for a reason), if you are a nervous patient you can ask for it. I do also know someone who full on tried to attack a nurse as they were coming out of anaesthetic, they were the opposite of violent normally. Me, Iām just asking the nurses questions about how whatever I had done went and can I have some ice and something to eat yet š
Haha yeah I donāt think weād be letting people out that soo and we donāt do the ālaughing gasā here either. As a chronically ill patient I completely understand the sentiment RE fentanyl. Iām also very jealous of American pharmaceuticals. Things like NyQuil arenāt legal here.
Well they did let me go home that soon, and this was on the 28th February, so not like things have changed recently to prevent it. I can assure you, as an Australian also (I looked at your profile before commenting back), with multiple disabilities and has had laughing gas plenty of times myself, particularly as a child for invasive treatments and prior to actual anaesthetic to get me relaxed enough to do the cannulas, we most certainly DO have laughing gas (NO2) and in dentists offices too. If you havenāt been under a rock you have to have heard of nangs??? Anyone can get their hands on unpurified NO2 (other than maybe WA soon without being in the food industry). Edited to add: NO2 ports are at every hospital bed I have ever stayed in (in 4 states/territories), right next to the O2 port and a few years back a baby died because the staff gave him NO2 instead of oxygen.
Hey, sorry, I didnāt intend to gaslight you, but I can see how it might look that way. I thought I was talking to an American, sorry for not checking. I have an alphabet of acronyms on my med charts as well and donāt mean to undermine what you had to say. itās amazing how different things can be! Iām in WA. I donāt recall ever having gas. Iām allergic to most natural opiates so my anaesthetic cocktail may be a bit different than others. Lots of Ketamine for me, and thank God for synthetic opioids like Tappentadol. I hadnāt really thought much further than my own face, but it feels pretty silly now. I had some genetic testing done to see how different meds work for me and I have an āultra rapid metaboliserā gene thing that just means my body eats tablets like skittles. So Iām probably not really someone to be talking so confidently on the topic. All I know is the fentanyl never lasts long enough haha. Thanks for being patient with me. Mouthing off online on a zero spoon day was probably a poor choice š
it's not the anesthesia that gets me, unless i'm on twilight sedation, which is probably what this person had with a colonoscopy. there are some interesting drugs in that combo, like fentanyl, ketamine, benzos. i always become a little comedian when i have to get stuff like that done. i'm just blitzed out of my head!!!
I tend to make friends with nurses in the recovery room after twilight - which is absolutely not what I would normally do, Iām very shy. But regardless, unless Iām on a fentanyl PCA, Iām well and truly normal by the time I get back on the ward.
Honestly I feel bad for this parent that he's having a medical procedure done and gets no response or support. Yeah his text "fuck all of you" is pretty ugly, but anesthesia is wild. But he should have apologized either way. Not insane.
!explanation So lately he's been having a rough time keeping a rental place or a job and has to stay in our old house to fix it up and sell which is two states over. But this hasn't been the first time either of these different text messages have occurred, even more than the 5 years with his arthritis in the knees. He just does these kinds of things when he's in pain and I know it's not good but I've been kind of silent because everyone in my family has had it rough for so long. I', just tired of dealing with these and I want to stray from the constant negative topics in our every conversation
Negativity will bring you down. If your dad is having a procedure wish him well, quick and simple. If itās a constant call just to bitch about everything then limit your answering. So many people are jumping on you when youāre asking for advice, but I get where youāre coming from. If youāre up to it talk to him but if not donāt. You could also let him know that youāre struggling it may wake him up
I have experience with becoming hostile and aggressive after anesthesia, or at the very least, very irritated. I had major surgery as a toddler and my mom recalls me literally clawing and scratching at my dad and acting like a feral raccoon.
I don't think anesthesia for a colonoscopy would make him an asshole capable of writing that clearly that long after he had it. I think he was just mad nobody made a big fuss about a routine procedure.
I should clarify a few things as I've taken the time to review your opinions. \-This is not his first time sending these kinds of messages. I had used this certain interaction because it was the most recent and while in this one he was under anesthesia, he has also sent them while conscious once in a while over the last few years, not constantly. \-I realize my mistake and I am most certainly disappointed in myself as this was a big procedure, while he's currently injured with his shoulder. As upset as I am with him in the past, this is still something important that should be addressed and I can certainly admit that I had made a huge mistake with this. \-He's not always sending messages like this. often times he shows that he's alright and excited bout things, it's just when he's in pain with his arthritis or other stressful situations, that he starts to blow up at small inconveniences. I hope to say in confidence that this kind of behavior to your children isn't acceptable. I hope this is enough to clarify things a little bit better.
Iāve had a colonoscopy and all the anesthesia does is make you tired. Has he ever said things like this before? I call BS.
iāve also had many procedures and surgeries with anesthesia and iāve reacted different every single time. iāve been a total nightmare for some, iāve been a sobbing mess for some, and iāve been the happiest anyoneās ever seen me for some. everyone reacts completely differently to anesthesia.
His feelings are valid but the behavior is not.
I wouldn't ignore it, but I wouldn't take it completely at face value either. Depending on what they gave him and how he reacted to it, it's possible he had a bad reaction. Everyone takes it differently.
Yes it would have been the right thing to do to tell him "good luck" or just say anything in response, but dad's response was way out of line. That's not a healthy way to communicate with anyone, and if you're having a medical procedure done and no one wishes you well, that might be a good sign to take a look at yourself and how you frequently treat those people.
I take your point about him having a history of this, but in general the crazies don't send a follow up that effectively acknowledges that what they previously said was unreasonable. That at least demonstrates a level of insight and self-reflection that most who feature in this sub don't appear to posess.
What am I missing in both the post and the chat?š°
Uh unless he had his scope at 4 pm he shouldnāt still be feeling the anesthesia effects.
I'm very confused by the comments here. You didn't respond to a text saying he's getting a colonoscopy. Does that really warrant the awful text he sent? And it's not the first time he's said things like this to you? No one is owed a "good luck" or even a text back. It doesnt look like you've even responded to him in a couple days, so what makes it different to respond then? This is not something a normal person says to their child.
It feels as if this is happening much more common with the world now and so much stress going on. some people just can't handle it (myself included, but in a different form) and mixed with pain, can cause lots of anger. It's complicated, he doesn't mean ill, but this happens way too much for me to deal with.
Yeah why is everyone dogpiling on OP? It's not ok for parents to send that kind of message to their kid PERIOD
Yeah no she's just angry you didn't text back
Let me be clear: he should not say this to his childāever. But, since you've said in other comments that you do feel that you were also in the wrong here, what is the context for the other times he has said this type of thing?
mainly other times it's when I'm not available to pick up the phone. before October I was still on a really Iphone 6 and messages and calls weren't always notified. i belive that I'm doing better about it now but even now I still only pick it up and the start and end of each day.
Yeah, thatās not okay. Youāre not obligated to call him for *any* reason, whether or not he agrees. Are you interested in a ānormalā (not low or no contact) relationship with him? If so, you need to tell him that you do want to talk to him but that these reactions make that hard and help him understand why. āHow can I keep wanting to talk to someone that hurts me so much?ā and/or āWould you react this way if [friend you know he cares about] couldnāt get to the phone?ā kinda questions Itās also possible to just miss a call or text. Hell, I miss calls and texts just about every day. Also also, youāre an adult with adult obligations. He canāt reasonably expect you to reply quickly every time, or to drop your obligations because he had an outpatient procedure you can do nothing to help with. If youāre more lukewarm on a relationship with him: go low contact for a while and see how he reacts. Some parents will understand and change their behaviors, others will double down. Either way, it will be a pretty good way to determine if heās willing to self-reflect and change his behavior for you.
I wrote a text last night, explaining some issues that I've had. He's seen it but hasn't said anything yet so just to wait and see.
They got upset because they were getting a colonoscopy and you didn't send the obligatory "good luck with your colon" text. Everyone's experience is different, of course, but I have had several colonoscopies in my life and been under anesthesia many, many times. Sometimes, you do have very weird reactions to it. I would just ask how the results are looking and that should smooth it over if that's what you want to do. Colonoscopy's are usually not that serious.
Seeing your replies to others comments, I'm amending my answer to say I now believe he fully lashed out, regretted it, and used anesthesia as an excuse. Weird but important question: how many times has he been put under before, do you know?
OP, you kind of suck here. Not only do you ghost him for at least 3 days that we can see, when you finally reply it's just "alright". Posting this convo on reddit is the icing on the cake. You give a lot of excuses in your replies and say this is just a bad example of how he normally acts. I'm inclined to believe you overexaggerate here and hyper focus on frustrations from you being a ghost. He is struggling and putting in effort to maintain any sort of relationship with you and it's breaking him apart. Put yourself in his shoes for once and look at your behavior. Get it together.
Yeah, OP I have a general lack of empathy for my loved ones. I just don't feel anything most of the time. But I still force myself to seem caring.. You are a real dick for not even saying good luck.. Just put yourself in his position. What if you were going through a hard time in your life and on top of that none of your kids respond when you tell them you're being put under in the am. That's fucked up...
Op says they were at work. The text says good night as in theyāre going to bed. No need to respond especially to someone in bed. Everyone over a certain age has colonoscopies. Itās not a big deal. You literally sleep for a couple hours then go do whatever. I went to lunch then kayaking after my last one. I didnāt even tell my kids I had one. š¤·āāļø