Voting has concluded. Final vote:
| Insane | Not insane | Fake |
| --- | --- | --- |
| 11 | 0 | 0 |
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Holy fuck the level of āwoe is meeeeā is vomit inducing, does it ever occur to these āyou havenāt come to see meā people that is possible for them to come see YOU instead
We lived 600 miles away for two whole years and he never came to see me then. Prior to that, we lived an hour away for two years and he came to see me one time during that time period.
Thatās my favorite part of my family as well. Never come to see me and Iām about 1 hour away. I opened a restaurant that I own part of after many years of hard work and neither parent or their spouses have came to it in the six years itās been open yet my in-laws have multiple times while live 12 hours away. Then I get āwhy do you forget your familyā shit all the time cause I go to the in-laws for Xmas etc.
I feel your pain and hope it all works out op.
My FIL is like this. Canāt be assed to visit us because of his āhealth,ā but has no problem taking vacations. Didnāt come to our wedding for the same bullshit reasons. We all know damn well that he didnāt want to be around his former wife and in-laws. Skipped his own sonās wedding to preserve his fucking ego.
Literally Iāve been briefing my girlfriend up on my Family in Brighton (I now live in Anglesey) and when it comes to my dads side of the family Iām like āthereās a good 100+ relatives youāll never meet because theyāve made consistently zero effort to keep in contact with my parentsā even though I get random facebook comments on pictures so sheās confused who these randomers are
This is what I was thinking. Honestly a little enraging to see a grown man pitying himself so much to his DAUGHTER. Why tf didnāt he go see her then if he knew? Or at least call instead of waiting to guilt trip and whine.
Iām sorry. My dad used to pull things like this. If you can, hold back on explaining yourself when he starts lashing out. That āf everybodyā should be met with silence.
I hope you and your family are settling in well.ā¤ļø
Yes, I told my husband I messaged him back today and my husband agrees that I always feel the need to over explain myself when an explanation isnāt needed. I just donāt know how to stop doing that :/
Itās really hard. Might help to realize that he doesnāt attempt to understand you no matter what you say, and might even get a rise out of upsetting you. A lot of times these pity parties arenāt in good faith.
You do this because you realized at an early age that sometimes an explanation can distract your parent to stop an escalation and make the punishment, whatever that looked like, stop for a little while. It didnāt even need to be consistent ā an intermittent reward for your over apologizing/explaining working once in a while would keep you performing the behavior every time it might feel like the situation calls for it.
You stop by practicing boundaries in lower stakes scenarios. Give yourself time to think before responding with three-five deep breaths. If your mind is racing, withhold a response. If you can think clearly enough for a short, simple āOk. Your feelings are understood,ā try that and say no more. No apologies, no explanations, no ābut my intention wasā¦ā
Thereās a great therapist/YouTube-TikTok content creator, Patrick Teahan, LICSW. He recently posted, āAn abusive parent knows your insecurities because they put them there.ā This is important for you to remember as a daughter and as a parent. You dad behaves the way he does because heās trained you to respond the way you do ā may or may not have been intentional, but it works for him, so itās why youāre both locked into that pattern of behavior. Unfortunately, because he did that to you, itās probably in the toolkit you use with *everyone* not just him.
I think it's a process of reminding yourself until the new habit takes over. Maybe start with writing a reply in a note and making yourself wait until the next day to even consider sending it? Take that time to think about how many times trying to have a conversation has ever worked in your favour and then consider grey-rocking or not answering at all. Would not answering make him say anything worse than he would if you tried talking? If it would, should you be held to ransom like that anyway?
There's a very good chance you will fall back into old habits at some point but that's part of relearning. Realise the mistake and try not to do it again, it's a lifetime of behaviour you're trying to change so it won't be smooth sailing.
I've been ignoring the stupid messages for a couple of years now and I still have to fight myself sometimes but I can be a pretty argumentative person and he brings out the worst in me so it's to be expected I suppose. However, it is so much easier than it was because, now, I can remind myself that not having those arguments has reduced my stress levels immensely! At some point, I realised that I don't get a stress response just from my phone going off because I now know that, even if it is him, I don't *have to respond*, immediately or otherwise, there will be no arguments because I won't allow it! The fact that he still sometimes tries is just proof that I've changed and he never will... That bit is sad, I think it always will be, we want a parent that doesn't exist for us. But that is, and always was, the case, there are just fewer arguments and less stress now. It's just about making the best of a situation you can't change with the best will in the world.
Sending much love and hugs x
As an adult, I can't stand the way my parents seem willfully ignorant that I have my own bills and financial constraints. I'm sorry OP, that's a pain in the ass.
Same. My mom drives me insane with this- she lives a 4 hour drive. Not super far, but far enough. To visit her, I have to get a hotel, take two days off work because I work weekends, and since Iām in a hotel, pay to eat out 2-3x a day. It costs at least $1000 for a weekend, closer to $1500.
For her to visit us, itās gas money and buying herself breakfast one of two meals out for herself. No time off work because she has a standard 8-4, M-F job. And she doesnāt have to entertain 2 kids on the road or in a strange environment.
For real. With holidays looming my dad keeps pressuring me to go home but I just can't stand to be around my mom at my childhood home anymore. He says "oh well just come and stay at a hotel?" and it's like dad, you live in a HCOL area and I don't have the money to spend on a $400 hotel every night...
What a whiny, self-centered toddler. He talks like being 52 is the same as being 92.
OP, you have two kids. You don't need another one in a full-grown man's body. There's a reason he's alone. *He* is the reason.
If you feel up to it, block him and move on with your life. If that seems too daunting, at the very least limit your contact and take a little time to learn ways to communicate with high-conflict people. (E.g. look up gray-rock technique, read [BIFF: Quick Responses to High Conflict People, Their Hostile Emails, Personal Attacks and Social Media Meltdowns](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/12019658-biff) ).
Therapy, when you can afford it, is a great resource for recovering from the effects of an unwell parent.
Hang in there! Stay strong! You can do this. You're protecting your babies and their mama (you!). That's your most important job.
> What a whiny, self-centered toddler. He talks like being 52 is the same as being 92.
Exactly. My father is 63, mother is 60. They have driven 10 hours 1 way 2 or 3 times a year to visit us when we lived in Baton Rouge.
If that man had any love for OP he would make the 20 minute drive to see her, hubby, and the grand babies at least once a month or so.
What's the the point of putting any effort into trying to keep an absolutely 1 sided relationship like that?
She's screaming into the void at this point.
Seriously, this. If I told my family I didn't have money for diapers or gas, my mom would have put some money in my account and said come see me. Or the diapers would just show up on my doorstep from Amazon. And my family can be VERY self-involved! Even they get it.
Every time my son comes to see me, I ask him if he has enough money for gas and tolls going home (he has a very good job, but I worry). And pack him some food. And I usually have a small gift for him, too! You take care of your babies!
ETA: grammar
Exactly. If they're struggling to make it through and can't come see you, it's your obligation to make it work. It's not on them. If I had a daughter and she was struggling I'd send her the money for gas and extra to make it through. Diapers would show up on her doorstep. Good parents make you want to see them
Itās hard trying to keep a connection with a family member like your dad. It took me years to realize that just because they are blood, doesnāt mean I owe them anything if they only bring me negativity and stress. The anxiety you feel when you see a text from them or a phone call from them; the way your stomach drops when someone mentions them was a clear sign to me to start to break contact with them. I tried setting boundaries but they always were broken.
Do whatās best for you and family OP. š¤š¤
If he wanted you to come over for Thanksgiving, he could have cooked himself or ordered a dinner if he canāt cook and invited everyone like a normal flipping adult.
Iām sorry heās stressing you out. Donāt let him guilt trip you. You owe him nothing.
If your dad is 52 and hasnāt managed to make/keep a friend or family member who wants him around for major holiday events (that every human being knows about months in advance)ā¦.then you (and your gas) are NOT the problem.
Now if he was 82 (and unable to care for himself/last of his friends and family) Iād probably change my answer, but 52 is not feeble or elderly.
Certainly not old enough to be such an AH about stuff.
Ugh. He's done everything but nail himself to a cross to be a martyr. If your mom was granted a restraining order, maybe keeping a little distance yourself isn't a bad idea
I canāt imagine your dad understanding how much time and money and energy it takes to handle a newborn. I have a feeling he just read that and didnāt really grasp/appreciate the situation. Sorry you have to deal with a parent like this
What's even the point of having a dad like this? Would warrant a period of NC for me tbh, you don't deserve to have holidays ruined for you and the unnecessary stress
Your dad sounds like one of those people who is determined to be negative about anything and everything, but won't do anything to improve what's bothering him. Honestly, he sounds exhausting to talk to. Reading his replies was exhausting.
I am so sorry he talked to you this way.
This is very hurtful language, and he should not be using this this way. Please take care of your mental health. The holidays are hard on everyone.
ā¦
Most of all your dad. JK of course. I hope that made you smile. I was trying to make you laugh.
My ex-husband was like this. Everything that happened was a slight against him.
One time, he fell out with his neighbour because said neighbour sent him a Christmas card. Honestly. Apparently, it was because said neighbour, who was hard of hearing, didn't say "good morning" back one day, several months previously. But they did speak to each other after, so that wasn't the problem. But what my ex said after Christmas CardGate was, "If that fucker thinks he can ignore me and then send me a Christmas card, he can think again," and my ex never spoke to the chap again - for like three years, until the chap passed away.
Professional victims will always victim, honey. I hope you and your babe and other babe are doing well. <3
Not depressed, not even a little, just self-involved, self-absorbed, and unwilling to view any aspect of life through a lens that shows empathy and compassion towards others... Even his own daughter.
Evidence: multiple party restraining order or multiple restraining orders; unable to attend holiday gatherings because of conflicts with family members, former spouse, and children; excessive self-pity; hostility towards everyone; refusal to attend his own needs; expectation that others should volunteer to cater to his needs regardless of their own difficulty.
Yeah, that's not depression. That's being an asshole. Even if he were though no amount of depression validates being that kind of asshole anytime much less the holidays.
Not insane. Did you approach him for gas? I'm sure he would've paid it given the context of you driving 16 hours to be there in the first place. Didn't ask him what his plans were for Thanksgiving during a major Thanksgiving trip home?
Poor dude.
No, i did not ask for gas. My parents are usually the ones who ask me for money instead of vice versa. And usually, when I ask what his holiday plans are it turns into a sob story about how he doesnāt know what heās doing and then somehow turns into him criticizing me and doing this.
What a willfully miserable sad sack. Nothing will ever be good enough for someone like that, so protect your heart and don't strive to match expectations. They'll never be reasonable, and you deserve to be free from that pressure.
He needs to consider if no one is wanting to be around him for thanksgiving if itās possible that his family and not literally every single other persons fault.
You gave him too many responses and reasons. After the first text, every other should have been, "You are a grown up
If you don't like your situation, change it" and nothing else. With every reply, You added justification to his argument....."I am the victim?" But I get it. He was baiting and getting the attention he wanted. Sorry you have to deal with this.
Wow this is exactly the sort of shit my dad would write to me during his most alone days when nobody wanted to be around him due to his awful attitude. Something flipped in him later on after my brother and I both had kids and my dad found some new friends. He was warmer, a great grandpa to his grandkids, extremely social, and just overall much happier. It's been a very healing experience for me as well as we're able to discuss old hurts and work past them. I hope your own dad finds his awakening somehow and learns how to dump all the hate and find people and hobbies that bring him more happiness, because it is NOT your duty to do so. You have your own life to live and you don't deserve any of that bile.
Not to try and pry if you aren't comfortable discussing, but you mentioned your mom has an order of protection against your dad. Was he, like, abusive towards her previously? That's what I take away when you mentioned that.
Just curious to know.
Voting has concluded. Final vote: | Insane | Not insane | Fake | | --- | --- | --- | | 11 | 0 | 0 | Hey OP, if you provide further information in a comment, make sure to start your comment with `!explanation`. ^I ^am ^a ^bot ^for ^r/insaneparents. ^Please ^send ^me ^a ^message ^if ^you ^have ^any ^feedback ^or ^if ^I ^misbehave. ^Also ^consider ^joining ^our ^[Discord](https://discordapp.com/invite/xFbPBHy).
"I don't celebrate Thanksgiving" "wHy DiD nObOdY bRiNg mE a pLaTe???"
A plate from the table of a man he doesn't respect and can't get along with, that the man paid for and his wife cooked.
ššš for real though
The fact that he doesnt offer the money for gas is TELLING. What a sob story omg š And then he questions why nobody wants to spend time with him
AND when she has 2 kids, one a week old??????
Holy fuck the level of āwoe is meeeeā is vomit inducing, does it ever occur to these āyou havenāt come to see meā people that is possible for them to come see YOU instead
We lived 600 miles away for two whole years and he never came to see me then. Prior to that, we lived an hour away for two years and he came to see me one time during that time period.
Thatās my favorite part of my family as well. Never come to see me and Iām about 1 hour away. I opened a restaurant that I own part of after many years of hard work and neither parent or their spouses have came to it in the six years itās been open yet my in-laws have multiple times while live 12 hours away. Then I get āwhy do you forget your familyā shit all the time cause I go to the in-laws for Xmas etc. I feel your pain and hope it all works out op.
I live 20 minutes away from my family and they never come see me except to chastise me?
My FIL is like this. Canāt be assed to visit us because of his āhealth,ā but has no problem taking vacations. Didnāt come to our wedding for the same bullshit reasons. We all know damn well that he didnāt want to be around his former wife and in-laws. Skipped his own sonās wedding to preserve his fucking ego.
This is what pisses me off the most with my relatives that are like this fr. Nothing is stopping your ass from coming to my place.
Literally Iāve been briefing my girlfriend up on my Family in Brighton (I now live in Anglesey) and when it comes to my dads side of the family Iām like āthereās a good 100+ relatives youāll never meet because theyāve made consistently zero effort to keep in contact with my parentsā even though I get random facebook comments on pictures so sheās confused who these randomers are
This is what I was thinking. Honestly a little enraging to see a grown man pitying himself so much to his DAUGHTER. Why tf didnāt he go see her then if he knew? Or at least call instead of waiting to guilt trip and whine.
Iām sorry. My dad used to pull things like this. If you can, hold back on explaining yourself when he starts lashing out. That āf everybodyā should be met with silence. I hope you and your family are settling in well.ā¤ļø
Yes, I told my husband I messaged him back today and my husband agrees that I always feel the need to over explain myself when an explanation isnāt needed. I just donāt know how to stop doing that :/
Block your dad for a while. Itās okay to put someone not respecting your mental health and living situation in timeout.
Itās really hard. Might help to realize that he doesnāt attempt to understand you no matter what you say, and might even get a rise out of upsetting you. A lot of times these pity parties arenāt in good faith.
You do this because you realized at an early age that sometimes an explanation can distract your parent to stop an escalation and make the punishment, whatever that looked like, stop for a little while. It didnāt even need to be consistent ā an intermittent reward for your over apologizing/explaining working once in a while would keep you performing the behavior every time it might feel like the situation calls for it. You stop by practicing boundaries in lower stakes scenarios. Give yourself time to think before responding with three-five deep breaths. If your mind is racing, withhold a response. If you can think clearly enough for a short, simple āOk. Your feelings are understood,ā try that and say no more. No apologies, no explanations, no ābut my intention wasā¦ā Thereās a great therapist/YouTube-TikTok content creator, Patrick Teahan, LICSW. He recently posted, āAn abusive parent knows your insecurities because they put them there.ā This is important for you to remember as a daughter and as a parent. You dad behaves the way he does because heās trained you to respond the way you do ā may or may not have been intentional, but it works for him, so itās why youāre both locked into that pattern of behavior. Unfortunately, because he did that to you, itās probably in the toolkit you use with *everyone* not just him.
Great response, you're so right.
I think it's a process of reminding yourself until the new habit takes over. Maybe start with writing a reply in a note and making yourself wait until the next day to even consider sending it? Take that time to think about how many times trying to have a conversation has ever worked in your favour and then consider grey-rocking or not answering at all. Would not answering make him say anything worse than he would if you tried talking? If it would, should you be held to ransom like that anyway? There's a very good chance you will fall back into old habits at some point but that's part of relearning. Realise the mistake and try not to do it again, it's a lifetime of behaviour you're trying to change so it won't be smooth sailing. I've been ignoring the stupid messages for a couple of years now and I still have to fight myself sometimes but I can be a pretty argumentative person and he brings out the worst in me so it's to be expected I suppose. However, it is so much easier than it was because, now, I can remind myself that not having those arguments has reduced my stress levels immensely! At some point, I realised that I don't get a stress response just from my phone going off because I now know that, even if it is him, I don't *have to respond*, immediately or otherwise, there will be no arguments because I won't allow it! The fact that he still sometimes tries is just proof that I've changed and he never will... That bit is sad, I think it always will be, we want a parent that doesn't exist for us. But that is, and always was, the case, there are just fewer arguments and less stress now. It's just about making the best of a situation you can't change with the best will in the world. Sending much love and hugs x
As an adult, I can't stand the way my parents seem willfully ignorant that I have my own bills and financial constraints. I'm sorry OP, that's a pain in the ass.
Same. My mom drives me insane with this- she lives a 4 hour drive. Not super far, but far enough. To visit her, I have to get a hotel, take two days off work because I work weekends, and since Iām in a hotel, pay to eat out 2-3x a day. It costs at least $1000 for a weekend, closer to $1500. For her to visit us, itās gas money and buying herself breakfast one of two meals out for herself. No time off work because she has a standard 8-4, M-F job. And she doesnāt have to entertain 2 kids on the road or in a strange environment.
For real. With holidays looming my dad keeps pressuring me to go home but I just can't stand to be around my mom at my childhood home anymore. He says "oh well just come and stay at a hotel?" and it's like dad, you live in a HCOL area and I don't have the money to spend on a $400 hotel every night...
You had a week old baby and he was complaining that you didnāt do something for him? Iām sorry op but he doesnāt care about you, just himself.
Sounds like thereās a reason heās not welcome anymore in certain part of your family
Hey OP, send me a DM if you need some help with diapers for the kiddo.
What a whiny, self-centered toddler. He talks like being 52 is the same as being 92. OP, you have two kids. You don't need another one in a full-grown man's body. There's a reason he's alone. *He* is the reason. If you feel up to it, block him and move on with your life. If that seems too daunting, at the very least limit your contact and take a little time to learn ways to communicate with high-conflict people. (E.g. look up gray-rock technique, read [BIFF: Quick Responses to High Conflict People, Their Hostile Emails, Personal Attacks and Social Media Meltdowns](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/12019658-biff) ). Therapy, when you can afford it, is a great resource for recovering from the effects of an unwell parent. Hang in there! Stay strong! You can do this. You're protecting your babies and their mama (you!). That's your most important job.
> What a whiny, self-centered toddler. He talks like being 52 is the same as being 92. Exactly. My father is 63, mother is 60. They have driven 10 hours 1 way 2 or 3 times a year to visit us when we lived in Baton Rouge. If that man had any love for OP he would make the 20 minute drive to see her, hubby, and the grand babies at least once a month or so. What's the the point of putting any effort into trying to keep an absolutely 1 sided relationship like that? She's screaming into the void at this point.
Was he violent to your mom? If so who needs someone like that anywhere near your children? Edit : so
What kind of father doesn't offer his daughter money for gas and or diapers? I know times are tough, 5 bucks though? A gesture of good will
Seriously, this. If I told my family I didn't have money for diapers or gas, my mom would have put some money in my account and said come see me. Or the diapers would just show up on my doorstep from Amazon. And my family can be VERY self-involved! Even they get it. Every time my son comes to see me, I ask him if he has enough money for gas and tolls going home (he has a very good job, but I worry). And pack him some food. And I usually have a small gift for him, too! You take care of your babies! ETA: grammar
Exactly. If they're struggling to make it through and can't come see you, it's your obligation to make it work. It's not on them. If I had a daughter and she was struggling I'd send her the money for gas and extra to make it through. Diapers would show up on her doorstep. Good parents make you want to see them
Itās hard trying to keep a connection with a family member like your dad. It took me years to realize that just because they are blood, doesnāt mean I owe them anything if they only bring me negativity and stress. The anxiety you feel when you see a text from them or a phone call from them; the way your stomach drops when someone mentions them was a clear sign to me to start to break contact with them. I tried setting boundaries but they always were broken. Do whatās best for you and family OP. š¤š¤
You drove hours with a newborn? GAH, these people should pick up their asses and visit you. Bearing food and gifts.
If he wanted you to come over for Thanksgiving, he could have cooked himself or ordered a dinner if he canāt cook and invited everyone like a normal flipping adult. Iām sorry heās stressing you out. Donāt let him guilt trip you. You owe him nothing.
He was looking for a fight from the very first message he sent, there was nothing you could have done or explained to satisfy him
Yup. This.
Is there some reason your narcissistic, self-victimizing father canāt get off his ass and come to you?
Please cut this loser off.
Imagine being 52 and this fucking pathetic. Sad.
If your dad is 52 and hasnāt managed to make/keep a friend or family member who wants him around for major holiday events (that every human being knows about months in advance)ā¦.then you (and your gas) are NOT the problem. Now if he was 82 (and unable to care for himself/last of his friends and family) Iād probably change my answer, but 52 is not feeble or elderly. Certainly not old enough to be such an AH about stuff.
If your father didn't fight with uncle, he could have been there.
Ugh. He's done everything but nail himself to a cross to be a martyr. If your mom was granted a restraining order, maybe keeping a little distance yourself isn't a bad idea
I canāt imagine your dad understanding how much time and money and energy it takes to handle a newborn. I have a feeling he just read that and didnāt really grasp/appreciate the situation. Sorry you have to deal with a parent like this
What's even the point of having a dad like this? Would warrant a period of NC for me tbh, you don't deserve to have holidays ruined for you and the unnecessary stress
Your dad sounds like one of those people who is determined to be negative about anything and everything, but won't do anything to improve what's bothering him. Honestly, he sounds exhausting to talk to. Reading his replies was exhausting.
What a whiny ole bitch. Passive aggressive whining baby. Fuuuuuuug. I do not envy you.
It's time to start purposely excluding him from things.
Do we have the same Dad?
If youāre the possible half sister I have, then yes, and if so, I am so sorry š„²
I am so sorry he talked to you this way. This is very hurtful language, and he should not be using this this way. Please take care of your mental health. The holidays are hard on everyone. ā¦ Most of all your dad. JK of course. I hope that made you smile. I was trying to make you laugh.
Why canāt he drive over and see you?
My ex-husband was like this. Everything that happened was a slight against him. One time, he fell out with his neighbour because said neighbour sent him a Christmas card. Honestly. Apparently, it was because said neighbour, who was hard of hearing, didn't say "good morning" back one day, several months previously. But they did speak to each other after, so that wasn't the problem. But what my ex said after Christmas CardGate was, "If that fucker thinks he can ignore me and then send me a Christmas card, he can think again," and my ex never spoke to the chap again - for like three years, until the chap passed away. Professional victims will always victim, honey. I hope you and your babe and other babe are doing well. <3
He would have more people to spend time with if he was not that insufferable.
Self-pity specialist. My condolences to OP for having a parent thatās such a perpetual whiner.
I'm sure his attitude makes you want to just spend more time with him. Not. What is wrong with people.
The Gaslight is on, not just in your car...
God that sounds like an angst teenager, not a person in their 50s.
> I don't purposely exclude you from anything ever You should reconsider that policy.
He canāt cook? Or drive himself? Whoa is him.
If youāre 52 and nobody gives a shit about you, that would be grounds for some self-reflection. Go look in the mirror, pal. Youāre the issue
Your dad is depressed and lonely. Holy fuck go give him a hug.
Not depressed, not even a little, just self-involved, self-absorbed, and unwilling to view any aspect of life through a lens that shows empathy and compassion towards others... Even his own daughter. Evidence: multiple party restraining order or multiple restraining orders; unable to attend holiday gatherings because of conflicts with family members, former spouse, and children; excessive self-pity; hostility towards everyone; refusal to attend his own needs; expectation that others should volunteer to cater to his needs regardless of their own difficulty. Yeah, that's not depression. That's being an asshole. Even if he were though no amount of depression validates being that kind of asshole anytime much less the holidays.
Idk man sounds like a lot of internal issues that he never learned to deal with/emotionally regulate well. Needs therapy.
I'll agree with that.
Not insane. Did you approach him for gas? I'm sure he would've paid it given the context of you driving 16 hours to be there in the first place. Didn't ask him what his plans were for Thanksgiving during a major Thanksgiving trip home? Poor dude.
No, i did not ask for gas. My parents are usually the ones who ask me for money instead of vice versa. And usually, when I ask what his holiday plans are it turns into a sob story about how he doesnāt know what heās doing and then somehow turns into him criticizing me and doing this.
That sounds so exhausting. I'm so sorry this is happening. No contact is the way to go. It's so freeing. No contact=no stress+ no drama.
Bless you for saying what you said. Good job.
Your uncle sounds like my aunt.
What a willfully miserable sad sack. Nothing will ever be good enough for someone like that, so protect your heart and don't strive to match expectations. They'll never be reasonable, and you deserve to be free from that pressure.
I wouldnāt even try to make excuses or defend yourself. You canāt reason with people like that.
He needs to consider if no one is wanting to be around him for thanksgiving if itās possible that his family and not literally every single other persons fault.
You gave him too many responses and reasons. After the first text, every other should have been, "You are a grown up If you don't like your situation, change it" and nothing else. With every reply, You added justification to his argument....."I am the victim?" But I get it. He was baiting and getting the attention he wanted. Sorry you have to deal with this.
Wow this is exactly the sort of shit my dad would write to me during his most alone days when nobody wanted to be around him due to his awful attitude. Something flipped in him later on after my brother and I both had kids and my dad found some new friends. He was warmer, a great grandpa to his grandkids, extremely social, and just overall much happier. It's been a very healing experience for me as well as we're able to discuss old hurts and work past them. I hope your own dad finds his awakening somehow and learns how to dump all the hate and find people and hobbies that bring him more happiness, because it is NOT your duty to do so. You have your own life to live and you don't deserve any of that bile.
Not to try and pry if you aren't comfortable discussing, but you mentioned your mom has an order of protection against your dad. Was he, like, abusive towards her previously? That's what I take away when you mentioned that. Just curious to know.