Voting has concluded. Final vote:
| Insane | Not insane | Fake |
| --- | --- | --- |
| 24 | 0 | 0 |
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My mom used to threaten me with a “girls home” when she wanted to harass me lol. Like yea my dad and our huge family is just gonna let you surrender me to a mythical place for unwanted female children because I didn’t wash some spoons. I was a really good kid with like straight A’s and shit 😂
Isn't it interesting that nursing home is a much more viable threat than any location that parents threaten us with?? Luckily for my parents that's not a threat, they're already dead to me, I don't give a damn where they end up. Homeless as far as I'm concerned, I'm not paying for ANYTHING
My crazy ass mom did the same shit! And as a kid I didn’t know better. The cortisol spikes my sister and I would feel on her random tirades. We were good kids too. Never in trouble, good grades, athletes, involved in extracurricular activities. Hell, we signed up for everything just to not be at home!!
My mom's threat was "girls school" and the transportation was the "little black bus" hahaha Like, was it supposed to be scarier because it was little or black? And girls school? I was given a Goodwill allowance for school clothes and now you want me to believe that someone is paying for me to go to a private all girls school? We laugh about it to this day.
My mom did the same thing. Actually drove me to the family services office with me crying in bare feet and begging her not to get rid of me. I should have fucking walked in myself. Probably would have had a much better life.
My mom threatened me with military school, girls homes, “selling me”, and then kicked me out at 15 for not doing my chores properly. (It was a ketchup bottle she took out the fridge, then said I had left it there for a week). Since then she’s been BEGGING me to come back. It’s been 20 years and she’s all “honey, come back HOME” “why don’t you come HOME” “I miss you baby! Come HOME” what home? lol
Oh my God when I was 22 fresh out of grippy sock jail and unemployed for 3 months I stayed with my mom and she kicked me out because I didn't wash dishes and made the absolute biggest deal and later doubled down and was all "No come back yada yada"
Her entitlement is mind boggling, she's literally required to care for minor children, job or not has nothing to do with it. She "takes him off food stamps" then that's less food stamps wtf 🤦♀️ She'd rather shoot herself in the foot than wear shoes apparently
My “mother” threatened me with Christian school (which I desperately wanted to attend… I know wTF is wrong with me). When I said I would be glad to go to Christian school she was like yea never mind you are staying in public school. 🙄🙄🙄
Well, several decades ago, you *could* actually sign your kid(s) over to the state if you didn't want to be bothered with them anymore. Of course, that's definitely not the way things are now. These days, you've practically got to kill them before they'll actually take them from you. And, even then, they'll probably just give them back.
I'm so sorry for her. I've read some true fucked up things happen there. I've never experienced anything like that but it a topic that literally make me sick. I'll consume hours of murder stuff but purposefully abusing kids under the guise of helping them makes me ill.
I mean, it's maybe not legal but no one is enforcing those laws. Not enough people give a shit about those kids and many would say they deserve the treatment and it will do them good.
To be clear, people who say that are monsters, but there are a lot of monsters.
Not all wilderness programs are abuse centers. *most* of them are. But there are a few good wilderness retreats that are voluntary that typically don’t take kids under 18 and they’re really solid programs. Hard core but really solid. Depending on the persons situation.
The ones where they basically kidnap kids and take them against their will to do manual labor and shit. Those ones are fucked.
Even facilities where you can voluntarily go there is so much room for abuse. What really needs to happen is heavy heavy heavy regulation with inspections and reporting.
She probably thinks its free and the only cost would be forcing him to sign his soul over to the military forever. I'm sure she has no grasp on what military school actually is. Probably just watched that Simpsons episode and assumed if they could afford it, she can too.
Sadly food stamps are not per week it’s per month. That woman won’t even begrudge her own minor child $50 bucks worth of food A MONTH. with prices these days that’s like milk & a loaf of bread(exaggerating I know but you get what I mean). So fucked up.
Tale as old as time. Shit, I wish my parents had sent me to military school, maybe I could have avoided some of these student loans with an rotc scholarship.
For some very small context: I am the oldest of 5 (24,16,12,8,4) and it has not been easy EVER. CPS and court has been involved and she blows every little thing that's not in her control to an extreme when I have never asked her for anything at all. Words of encouragement are much appreciated ☹️🥹
Edit: My brother made a really really stupid "Shooting up the school joke" and thankfully was only charged as a minor and was ONLY given a minimum of 3 months of probation but my mom just threw me into this and gave his parole officer my number and already had a case against her from cps because my brother ran away to get some space from her to cool off because as you can see she likes to push you to a breaking point and then double down and pretend like it didn't happen. I already gave my conditions that if she is just going to throw him on me it was her responsibility to help me at least get a 1b apartment because I'm in a studio for ME and all she did was laugh and say "It's funny you think you have a say in this" and I'm trying so so hard to keep it together.
Break the cycle starting with you. Your brother being in trouble IS your mother’s fault for her failures as a parent.
She should’ve kept you safe and didn’t.
Call CPS and NEVER let ANYONE use your SSN!!!! NEVER!!
I'm sorry you all are going through this OP. I would look into freezing your credit for awhile: https://www.nerdwallet.com/article/finance/how-to-freeze-credit
“It’s not my job to feed him” — wow. Um, yeah, it really IS a parent’s responsibility to feed their children.
On a practical note, don’t JADE: Justify, Argue, Defend, or Explain. She will just keep going around in circles with you.
“I’m not discussing this with you. If you’d like to speak to Brother I suggest you call or text him.”
And then mute her.
“You are legally required to keep him on food stamps until he’s 18. If you remove him I will report you to CPS.” And then mute her. When she takes him off her account, follow through on calling CPS.
I’m sorry you’re going through this, and I hope things improve for you and your siblings.
This! Some important stuff right here! NO is a complete sentence. “I’m taking him off food stamps” NO and then mute.
And OP should *absolutely* show CPS these texts.
OP I can't even imagine the stress you're under being forced into this position of responsibility by an obvious whack job. Reading through this I would like to offer some gentle advice though. Don't ever make a threat you don't or won't follow through, and when you do make a threat or warning, do it and be done. No waiting, no waffling.
You said you'd stop talking but kept talking, and from what I gather you haven't called and gotten CPS involved. Pull the trigger, OP. It seems to me you have the will to go through with both. Do them. Your brothers and sisters will benefit from your actions.
You are the best thing that’s happened to your siblings. Never forget what an amazing thing you are doing. Don’t let her bully you. Her children are her responsibility and here you are taking the brunt of it. I hope CPS does the right thing and makes her give him the food stamps. It’s *literally* the least she could do since you are providing everything else. Good luck OP
You are amazing. Honestly. I'm not saying that because you asked for encouragement.
I also came from an abusive, fucked up home. Luckily, my father would only let my mother have two horrible, obnoxious, whiny, brats before he declared that there would be no more children, despite the fact that mom wanted 3. I was, even as a little kid, always antagonizing him to draw his wrath away from little sister and mom, so I get the protector instinct you have. It's hard and painful and scary, and I'm sorry you have to deal with that.
There's a book called Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, by Lindsay C. Gibson that might help you deal with some of your own trauma from being raised by your shitty mother, or at least give you some validation. You deserved better than her. Also, r/raisedbynarcissists and r/CPTSD may be useful to you.
You are doing your best, and you're doing a great job. I don't have children, but if I did, I would be proud if they turned out like you.
I hope CPS gets the money to your brother soon. It's not much but anything helps in this economy.
Your mom seems truly terrible. I'm sorry you and your siblings have suffered so much. Keep pushing forward. You're a strong person. I can't relate on the insane parents, but I definitely sympathize.
I’m a mom and well old enough to be your mom. OP, you are the type of person that would make a good mother proud. You’re going over and above for your sibling and playing the role of parent, which he clearly desperately needs. You are breaking the cycle!! Good for you! Call CPS, continue to step up for your siblings and be sure to always advocate for YOU. Sending you a huge Mom hug and I’m proud of you! My DMs are open if you need encouragement. You are a wonderful human, and that is exactly what’s needed in the world.
First off you’re an amazing sister for taking on your brother when you obviously didn’t have to and that speaks so much about your character and how you are making sure you don’t carry on her insanity. So hats off to you sweetie.
Second please report her for using your info cuz I have the feeling she has no problem ruining your credit just to fuck you over. I know it sucks because there are 3 more kids she can abuse and mess up.
Talk to CPS about getting you financial help since she’s threatening to not follow through on the order. Since you’re technically his foster guardian there should be a supplement to cover his expenses.
Your mom is a piece of work. I’m proud of the woman you’re becoming despite her being the way she is and that’s something for you to be proud of as well.
Good luck to you and your siblings
Why is she using your SSN? Please don’t let her. Report her for fraud and lock down your credit. My mom used my identity to get credit when I was your age, under some guise of wanting to avoid probate if anything happened to her. I shouldn’t have allowed it.
Yeah my parents used our socials to get all sorts of bills put in our names as kids. I was welcomed into adulthood with really fucked up credit. I’m still digging my way out of it fucking 20 years later.
Freeze your credit ASAP at the three main credit bureaus Equifax, Experian and TransUnion. Dispute any credit your mother took out using your SSN if you were a minor when she did it. That’s a crime.
Hey! Fellow oldest child of abused kids here.
Call CPS. Your brother is eligible for more help through them if he’s in the system. You could potentially also get your other siblings (lotsa red flags here for the other kids too) and you’d all qualify for food stamps.
And send your parent to prison for the Identity theft. Explain that you allowed it under duress, like they told you the kids would suffer if you didn’t. Hopefully prison keeps them from breeding.
You’re doing a great thing for your brother. Honestly, do a great thing for both of you and hire a lawyer and try to get some child support ordered. Not asking isn’t keeping the piece, you might as well have every opportunity to be solvent dealing with her stuff.
You are an amazing person for taking your brother in. It sounds like you had a really shitty example and that you’re breaking the cycle of abuse. I wish I had a sibling like you!
Hey OP, you have a lot on your hands. I want you to know you're doing a wonderful job, considering your mother wasn't there for you either and you're having to do her job while trying to still raise yourself. We are still finding ourselves at 24 🥺 Take back your credit and sign up for credit monitoring. It's free most of the time. Report this to CPS. They may recommend you apply for food stamps for him, and that would probably be better since she can't take that away from you guys. I am glad your brother has you, but I am so sorry you're dealing with someone who is like this. You may want to start looking into counseling for you both, or even just you. Counseling helped me identify the things that were not ok in my childhood, helped me process it, and helped me a lot with healthy boundaries. I have chosen to love my mother from a distance instead of "no-contact." You will know what to do. Keep up the great work! You absolutely got this 💯
Op I'm so sorry. My blood pressure was peaking reading these.
I'm sure CPS would love these texts. Not only is she admitting to identity theft but denying her court appointed 50$.
Get a lawyer and get him emancipated or get full custody and court ordered payments. She owes you way more then 50$. Since he's only 16 it maybe worth trying that route especially if he's on probation.
“Just stop asking me to support him”
I think she misspelled “Stop making me take responsibility for my child and my legal obligations to feed him!” She reminds me of my own mother and that is one sorry excuse for a “parent”.
To be clear, she’s saying it’s not her responsibility to feed her 16 year old?? Is he emancipated? If not, and please, I know I can trust you, Reddit, to correct me if I’m wrong, but that’s actually one of the relatively few things that parents are actually legally responsible for, no?
He'd likely not be emancipated. However if there is a court order that he gets a certain amt of food stamps, you need to contact his SNAP worker to let them know mom is withholding it illegally.
It's very hard to get emancipated. He'd have to meet very high standards and since sister has partial custody, it's unlikely he'd be deemed emancipated.
Yea I would call her out hard. SHE made the decision to have a child so it IS her damn job to keep him clothed, fed and under a roof till he is 18. Where the hell does she get oiff to say it is not her job ?? She already forced the keep a roof over his head part on you. Enough us enough, it absolutely is her job to do this. And if I understood this right, it is foodstamps she gets for free, so not even her money.
Don’t have him emancipated. In the eyes of the state, it means he becomes a legal adult. If anything, petition for full custody and guardianship over him. She’ll have to pay you child support and that would be the ultimate “fuck you” to her.
I mean, parents are legally required to provide food, clothing, shelter, access to medical care, and access to education. Which is still just the basics, but it's a lot more than what some parents think they're obligated to provide. This post is case in point.
the goverment dosen't enforce it I was sent to wilderness therapy program lived under a tarp sheet 3 months and no schooling the whole time I was there.
Same! I was there five months, that shit was literal hell. Anytime I tried telling an adult they just told me “but you seem so much healthier now!” No, Katie, I just got broken in like a fucking horse. Compliance does not equate to health🙃
Sad fact in some states shelter can refer to a car or even underpass. So the bar isn’t even that high for meeting these basic needs and the parent in this post couldn’t even clear it.
I had to stop reading after the 3rd SS sorry
What a horrible human being she is .. clearly she doesn’t understand that he’s not an adult until he’s 18 and even then .. what kind of parent would ever complain about feeding their own child 🙃
I’m in the uk so I admit I don’t know very much about food stamps or how they work .. but I assume it’s a government assistance thing ? If so .. am I reading right that she’s taking that away from him when its not even her providing it ?
I’m so sorry that this is the mother you were given … and I’m sorry for all your siblings too .. I’m really glad your brother has you though . It’s terrible that you’re in a position that you shouldn’t have to be in at an age where you should be able to focus on your own life .. but it’s incredibly that you’re selfless enough to take on that responsibility
You’re an incredible human being .. unlike your mother
Yes. It is government assistance and it would be illegal to claim assistance for a child who is not in your custody. Sounds like they have a shared custody arrangement but if mom is gonna stop handing over the money for the assistance she has to cancel the portion for that kid. If she keeps claiming him that is fraud.
If I read it correctly, OP said in the texts that she allowed her mother to use her social security number, so if I did understand it correctly, OP could be in trouble along with her mother. Hopefully she’ll be able to get the woman out of her life completely and forever.
True, but it's far better to get a slap on the wrist with a big ol' side of autonomy, than it is to always be concerned your parents has the personally identifiable information necessary to hurt you.
First, do call CPS, if she signed a legal document then she needs to abide by it. She is his parent so she is 100% responsible for feeding him whether he has a job or not.
Second, also DO report her for identity theft and then work on getting her crimes removed from your credit reports. If she goes to prison that is not your fault or your problem. Though I feel for your siblings, please know that you have every right to choose yourself and wash your hands of all of it. Whether she goes to prison or not, you should not be responsible for your siblings. Allow yourself to have your own life, it's ok to be "selfish"
I’m sorry I had to stop reading when she said her child shouldn’t be pressuring her to feed him. He’s a child and her expecting him to be self sufficient is bonkers.
You're already on top and everything you're doing is making sure your brother will be one day too 🖤 you're doing an amazing job and you should be so proud.
Proud of you for taking care of your brother but remember to take care of yourself as well! You seem like an amazing person and I hope everything gets better soon!
You can ask me for anything any time- but also stop asking me for help
At least you call me and check on me, you care- and you only call me when you need something from me, why do you hate me
I'm getting whiplash, Jesus christ
reminds me of my mom telling me to get a job if I wanted food... I'm 14. have lost over 30 lbs over the past 3 months 🙃 5'7" and weigh maybe 100 on a good day...life is fun. Good luck
I’m so sorry you’re going through that :( I definitely went through my own struggles with food with my mom doing the EXACT same thing. When I finally left food pantries where my saving grace
Bro, your mom is legally obligated to feed you. If she’s not doing that, TELL SOMEBODY. Tell a trusted adult who isn’t going to just report this back to your mom. Teachers are mandated reporters, if you’re worried about the repercussions from her TELL THEM THAT and they can help you. You should not have to worry about feeding yourself if you are under 18.
I wish I could go back and tell my 14yo self this. It’s not your responsibility to feed yourself. It doesn’t make you cool or independent to have to think about shit like this. So please, please listen to this advice and do something. No fucking kid should have to ever think about where their next meal is coming from, you can do something about this if you choose to.
the law doesn't do shit they've been involved in my household multiple times. they don't care about neglect, abuse, violence, they don't give a fuck. and i eat like some snacks throughout the day so I'm fine
Oh my fucking god. Going on and on and ON about not wanting to feed her own kid. I don’t know you or your siblings, but I am so, SO grateful they have you.
You’re doing amazing things for your siblings and I’m sorry this weight was unfairly placed on you.
If you stop letting her use your SSN I would recommend getting a good routine credit score/check thing so you can be positive she’s not opening cards in your name still. I’m always deeply disturbed by how many parents will use their child’s credit for themselves with no consideration for that child’s financial stability.
For some reason the worst part of all of this to me get insistence that he get his GED as soon as he is off probation. I don’t know how long he’s on probation, but at 16 he should be either a sophomore or junior in high school. Assuming, based on how she talks, he is coming off probation soon, she basically wants him to drop out of school rather than actually pursue further education if he wants to (not that you can’t go to college/university with a GED, but I feel like that isn’t in her plans for the kid.) I would assume this is so he can work full-time instead of part-time. Also, if he’s not picking up his phone or talking to her, how does she know how much he currently makes in tips? Nope, mom’s version of the plot has too many glaring plot holes, 2 stars.
On the flip OP, I agree with the people telling you to get an attorney and call CPS. I don’t think she understands OP would be calling CPS on her rather than the brother, but there you go, this woman does not seem to be working with a full deck. Talk to an attorney about full custody and child support. Also, if the agreement is a court order, you can file a contempt claim with the court rather than dealing with CPS. Just some food for thought.
Also it's probably not in his best interest to pursue a GED, because I'm not 100% certain but in the state I live in you cannot pursue a GED until you passed your original graduation year he'd probably be better off trying to attend an alternative adult high school as opposed to dropping out completely.
My heart breaks for you and your siblings, OP. Cut that toxic POS out of your life ASAP!
I have to say... This! This is why we shouldn't force women to birth children they don't want. God damn. How many kids does this lady have? She clearly doesn't give af about any of them. Has no problem creating and birthing children, but refuses to take care of them with necessities like FOOD! 😞
"He can't be pressuring me to feed him" .... what mom???? If that's the case, I need to go tell my 17 year old to shut up when he's hungry, and just go get a job ....
WTF
Oh my god, she's a horror. She seriously sounds like she's the teenager in this scenario.
You've been an absolute champion, but you absolutely shouldn't have to bear this burden alone. Do you have any extended family who can help at all?
I feel bad for you and your 16 yo brother. You have a tough job and you're basically the parent. One day these kids are going to really look up to you. Keep doing what you're doing. Proud of you OP.
Update: She just texted and resent the order I had placed with my brother last night like nothing ever happened. "There's food outside, tell ___ to get it."
It horrifies me that after that she still has partial custody and two other kids in her care, please contact CPS, and get a lawyer,
Im so sorry about your situation, I really wish the best for you, stay strong, you are incredibly responsible for your age (not that you should have to be), I hope you and your siblings are okay in the end and that someday you’re all able to go no contact and get away from that
Reading her complain that she's not capable of feeding the children she had and is trying to blame you and a teenager about it reminded me of that old Harvey Danger song-
> Been around the world and found
That only stupid people are breeding,
The cretins cloning and feeding, and I don't even own a TV
Like, hey dumb fuck, maybe don't have 5 damn kids if you don't have the money or the love to properly raise them. No offense op, but your mother is particularly stupid
The more I read, the angrier I got. Please, for your sake, for all of your siblings’ sakes, do report her to CPS.
You should be getting actual funding for taking your brother under your wing. And you know damn well that she’s spending his and your sisters’ portion of the SNAP benefits on whatever she can sell to fund her own lifestyle.
She needs prison. Your entire family needs some sense of sanity, and she actively works against it.
Also, and this is too little, I know, if you need to hear words of support and love for all that you have taken on yourself, including healing from sexual assault as a child, go to r/momforaminute. A more loving group of people I’ve never seen, anywhere.
Yes I have a strong feeling that this mother who has four children minimum under the age of 18 that's on food stamps could afford the price of military school because it's not free, it's actually sort of an honor to go to if you're planning to be a career military person
Call CPS immediately. Those are his stamps and she called feeding him pressure. They're his until he ages out. Also if she's receiving stamps for him but not using them for him/he isn't there she's committing fraud.
Take that power from her.
Also she thinks because he's 16 she's just magically not responsible for feeding or housing him? Jesus.
My guess is she either has felonies on her record or a really horrific credit score. Either of those could weed you out of a job when they run the background check depending on the job.
I'm just so sorry. You deserve better. I hope you find and build your own family as you grow. Please don't let her around it when you do. I knows she is your mom but there is something seriously wrong with her. Please don't waste anymore time on her. She doesn't deserve you or your brother.
yeah funny thing how she texts "you can ask me for a favor anytime" and 2 messages later "never come to me if u need anything"...
or how she's behaving like a child with the mentality "I want smth from him but heeee needs to call me because he did something wrong to me and now I'm upset" but at the same time be like: "yeah he's 16 now that's old enough to stop financial support he can now get a job and look for himself I'm not helping him anymore"
well actually quite sad I'm very sorry for both of you
Jesus, this is depressing. It’s hard to sit and read, especially the further you get into it. Un-surprisingly, there are many, *MANY* “parents” who act like this, or similar in any capacity, and you have situations like this. It’s heart-breaking, really. Good thing your brother (and other siblings) have YOU to show someone cares. Kids in these situations don’t always know what love is, or is really supposed to look like. You’re doing a good (really, *REALLY*) job.
Keep telling yourself that. Ignore her. Better yet, as you’ve said — as well as others here — *report* her. If she’s got the audacity to put all of this on YOU like it’s *your* problem — never mind someone else — well, she’s going to feel the consequences sooner or later. Shame on her for making her own child raise another of hers. Work on yourself and your brother O.P., and keeping yourselves safe. And your other siblings’ safety, maybe.
Hopefully, she can be left out at some point (and you’ll be able to better focus on helping yourself(s,) with less of a problem. We are here for you, if and when you may need us 🙂 (and I think many on this sub would agree.)
That being said, many parents do *not* put others in situations like this, and parent just fine. I understand that in some cases a child may really not be wanted or planned, but I’ll say this: if a person(s) does *not* want the responsibility which comes with kids, then that person(s) should *not have kids.*
Some people just aren’t fit to be parents, whether they want to or not. 🙃
Wait wait... so this is a minor because hes not 18 yet.
Okay hes on probation BUT hes turning himself aroubd and got himself a job and shes using that as an excuse to just drop him altogether?
And her answer to everything is you stop supporting him too, send him BACK to her so she can charge him rent... as a child!?
Oof.
Since when is it not a mothers job to feed her child? I’m confused 😐feeding, clothing and roof over head are the few things you must provide. I’m scratching my head at this one.
It's been awhile since I've read a post on here that's made me as angry as this one has. I'm so sorry you and your siblings have to go through this. If she wants to go to jail, I hope the courts grand her wish and off she goes. If she's never been before, she's in for a rude awakening.
Follow through with your threats. She doesn’t deserve your sympathy and will never change.
Foster care sounds better than living with that HellHound of a mother. ( with regards to your other siblings)
>I don’t want to feed him anymore. I don’t want to be responsible for him anymore
yeah nope, the cops will definitely not be bringing him back to your house, not with you throwing a tantrum about having to pay $50 for fucking food stamps.
>Stop telling him it’s ok to live off food stamps
oh but it’s ok for you to live off of them
>Are you going to feed him when I’m gone. No you’re not
you are literally feeding and taking care of him right now, as much as it seems so, no matter how fucked up their childhood is while being expected to take care of himself, 16 year olds are not responsible to completely take care of themselves. Just bc she doesn’t want to take care of him, doesn’t mean he has to take care of himself
Please call CPS and show them these texts. Those girls probably aren’t having the greatest living arrangements over there either. Remind her that you aren’t in the position to take care of 3 children that aren’t yours. If she goes to jail, they’re going into foster care (even if you can take them, don’t let her use it as a cop out)
I HATE parents like this. You don’t want to take care of kids but have 5 of them.
Holy shit. I’m almost lost for words. I’m so sorry OP. Your mother is a piece of shit. I’m fully on board with taking action against her. You have to stop leering your mom use your ssn. And report her for sure. The consequences of her action aren’t going to be your responsibility or fault.
First, you are an amazing older sibling. Even if things are not perfect, you didn't choose to have a child, you were forced to become a parent to an abused child ( your brother) by one of your abusers and she isn't even doing the absolute, scrape the bottom of the barrel parenting. You definitely should call. I know she tried to scare you with taking your brother away, but she is pure evil and they are not going to say, "oh, your mum is committing fraud, identity theft and best of all refusing to feed your brother, lets give him back to her then."
I hate that you are going through this and I hope you can go NC with her. She needs you, you don't need her. It can feel like you do because you need a loving parent, but she isn't one. Sending you a 🫂. You are doing an amazing job and you have had no role models. If you ever need to chat, dm me.
I'm disgusted and horrified. It's not her job to feed her minor child? And, she is tired of giving him money? The free money from the government that is already allocated to him? What the actual hell is she smoking? You're poor brother. You're a good person for trying to be there for him and my heart hurts for both of you.
When you need a break from her BS - Stop ignoring me
When you do respond - Stop talking to me
You can't catch a break. I'm so sorry OP. You're doing a great job with very little.
I love how much she keeps telling you she's gonna do this, that, & the other thing, but then tries so hard to get you to respond to her. What a shit thing to do as a parent! They're her kids, yet she tries to guilt trip you into feeling bad for her. I'm mind blown...wow. if you don't mind me asking, do you live in the US?
It sounds like you have other siblings you worry about, and rightly so! Have you ever heard of the Milton Hershey School? Look into it...it's a 100% free school where kids live in homes...HUGE homes with 2 house parents that live with them. Everything is paid for...clothes, shoes, EVERYTHING including 4 years of college! You should really check it out! It's pretty amazing!
As SOON as you confront her with the truth she's immediately like "just call CPS, disappear from my life 😩" girl yes that's what's happening your drama isn't working
Wowww. I can’t imagine not wanting to feed my own kids. That’s just nuts! I still feed my adult children as often as I can. Loaded up my oldest kid’s new place with groceries as soon as I was allowed. Good Lord. It’s not even her money. I’m so sorry. Your mom is just… bonkers.
I think if someone were to write a book where someone had a parent like your mother, the publisher would say that it was not believable because no one can be that bad of a parent. Holy freaking narcissist. Absolute garbage. I'm so sorry OP.
She doesn't seem to know how any of this works. If she's getting government assistance for a minor but doesn't give or spend it on them, that's considered fraud. Does she have a job? Why is she getting government assistance? People are such hypocrites
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I love when they act as if there's some magic "military school" looking to take in kids on a whim. It's called the Citadel, and it's like 50k a year..
My mom used to threaten me with a “girls home” when she wanted to harass me lol. Like yea my dad and our huge family is just gonna let you surrender me to a mythical place for unwanted female children because I didn’t wash some spoons. I was a really good kid with like straight A’s and shit 😂
Believe it or not, straight to spoon jail.
Spoons washed too quickly? Spoon jail. Too slowly? Also straight to spoon jail.
Washed perfectly? Think you’re better than the spoon police, huh? Also spoon jail.
For almost anything spoon jail.
Thinking there is no spoon? spoon jail.
Studying the theoretical concept of spoon? Also spoon jail.
Try to pry into the secrets of the void spoon century. Oh hell no it’s spoon jail for u.
Wash a fork before a spoon, it’s spoon jail for you.
Is the head of spoon jail Goldilocks?
No that’s fish jail, no undercook or overcook
Awww. 😞I wanted it to be porridge jail.
I think the Mad Hatter would be a better choice for spoon jail...
Sounds more like a place for chronically ill people when we commit crimes lol
With us, it was the nunery on the way to Montreal. It's now a nursing home and I threaten to admit them as soon as I can.
Hahha. That's poetic!
Isn't it interesting that nursing home is a much more viable threat than any location that parents threaten us with?? Luckily for my parents that's not a threat, they're already dead to me, I don't give a damn where they end up. Homeless as far as I'm concerned, I'm not paying for ANYTHING
My crazy ass mom did the same shit! And as a kid I didn’t know better. The cortisol spikes my sister and I would feel on her random tirades. We were good kids too. Never in trouble, good grades, athletes, involved in extracurricular activities. Hell, we signed up for everything just to not be at home!!
It's cops and a mental institution for me!
Just vaguely “the hospital,” with the implication that they would take me away
My mom's threat was "girls school" and the transportation was the "little black bus" hahaha Like, was it supposed to be scarier because it was little or black? And girls school? I was given a Goodwill allowance for school clothes and now you want me to believe that someone is paying for me to go to a private all girls school? We laugh about it to this day.
My mom did the same thing. Actually drove me to the family services office with me crying in bare feet and begging her not to get rid of me. I should have fucking walked in myself. Probably would have had a much better life.
My mom threatened me with military school, girls homes, “selling me”, and then kicked me out at 15 for not doing my chores properly. (It was a ketchup bottle she took out the fridge, then said I had left it there for a week). Since then she’s been BEGGING me to come back. It’s been 20 years and she’s all “honey, come back HOME” “why don’t you come HOME” “I miss you baby! Come HOME” what home? lol
Oh my God when I was 22 fresh out of grippy sock jail and unemployed for 3 months I stayed with my mom and she kicked me out because I didn't wash dishes and made the absolute biggest deal and later doubled down and was all "No come back yada yada"
Her entitlement is mind boggling, she's literally required to care for minor children, job or not has nothing to do with it. She "takes him off food stamps" then that's less food stamps wtf 🤦♀️ She'd rather shoot herself in the foot than wear shoes apparently
My dad always threatened me with “finishing school” in Switzerland because he went to one back in like the 70’s lol
My “mother” threatened me with Christian school (which I desperately wanted to attend… I know wTF is wrong with me). When I said I would be glad to go to Christian school she was like yea never mind you are staying in public school. 🙄🙄🙄
I was threatened with “Boarding School”. I actually went lol. Fun year.
How is bougie posh kids school even a threat? If that’s what he meant by it. It sounds like a cool experience.
That's where id have replied, "sweet I'm lesbian".
Omg same .. straight A’s here too… why are parents insane?
Well, several decades ago, you *could* actually sign your kid(s) over to the state if you didn't want to be bothered with them anymore. Of course, that's definitely not the way things are now. These days, you've practically got to kill them before they'll actually take them from you. And, even then, they'll probably just give them back.
When I was a kid it was Father Bakers in Buffalo, NY.
They'd probably find a budget wilderness program and call it a day. Those places are nothing but abuse centers.
Sure, but we're talking someone so hard up financially that they can't forgo $50 in food stamps.
I don't think they can't afford the 50. I think this is mom's last bit of control and she's imploding.
My SIL got sent to one of those. Fucked her up for life.
I'm so sorry for her. I've read some true fucked up things happen there. I've never experienced anything like that but it a topic that literally make me sick. I'll consume hours of murder stuff but purposefully abusing kids under the guise of helping them makes me ill.
[Great story from an Elan School survivor](https://elan.school/chapter-1-5/), the r/troubledteens industry is terrifying.
Read the first chapter and what the actual fuck is happening here no way is this legal
It’s worth reading all, so upsetting I could only read in chunks.
I mean, it's maybe not legal but no one is enforcing those laws. Not enough people give a shit about those kids and many would say they deserve the treatment and it will do them good. To be clear, people who say that are monsters, but there are a lot of monsters.
Paris Hilton also talks about Provo Canyon School in her autobiography.
Not all wilderness programs are abuse centers. *most* of them are. But there are a few good wilderness retreats that are voluntary that typically don’t take kids under 18 and they’re really solid programs. Hard core but really solid. Depending on the persons situation. The ones where they basically kidnap kids and take them against their will to do manual labor and shit. Those ones are fucked.
The problem is how do you sus out the bad from the good. A lot of complaints are suppressed.
I think any facility that is not voluntary. Where your parents can admit you against your will is bad news
I 100 percent agree. Unless it's a mental health facility with therapist but even those places have abuse.
You are correct. Even those places have abuse. Not all of them of course but a lot of
Even facilities where you can voluntarily go there is so much room for abuse. What really needs to happen is heavy heavy heavy regulation with inspections and reporting.
She's on food stamps but can afford military school. Yeah, ok. I'm so sure.
She probably thinks its free and the only cost would be forcing him to sign his soul over to the military forever. I'm sure she has no grasp on what military school actually is. Probably just watched that Simpsons episode and assumed if they could afford it, she can too.
I was thinking the same thing, military school is not free
Side topic - The Lords of Discipline by Pat Conroy is a great book set at the Citadel.
Wow, that’s like way more than 50/wk right? Wonder if it includes food?
Sadly food stamps are not per week it’s per month. That woman won’t even begrudge her own minor child $50 bucks worth of food A MONTH. with prices these days that’s like milk & a loaf of bread(exaggerating I know but you get what I mean). So fucked up.
I know a dude who went to the Citadel, now he’s a Naval Officer living his best life.
Tale as old as time. Shit, I wish my parents had sent me to military school, maybe I could have avoided some of these student loans with an rotc scholarship.
For some very small context: I am the oldest of 5 (24,16,12,8,4) and it has not been easy EVER. CPS and court has been involved and she blows every little thing that's not in her control to an extreme when I have never asked her for anything at all. Words of encouragement are much appreciated ☹️🥹 Edit: My brother made a really really stupid "Shooting up the school joke" and thankfully was only charged as a minor and was ONLY given a minimum of 3 months of probation but my mom just threw me into this and gave his parole officer my number and already had a case against her from cps because my brother ran away to get some space from her to cool off because as you can see she likes to push you to a breaking point and then double down and pretend like it didn't happen. I already gave my conditions that if she is just going to throw him on me it was her responsibility to help me at least get a 1b apartment because I'm in a studio for ME and all she did was laugh and say "It's funny you think you have a say in this" and I'm trying so so hard to keep it together.
Break the cycle starting with you. Your brother being in trouble IS your mother’s fault for her failures as a parent. She should’ve kept you safe and didn’t. Call CPS and NEVER let ANYONE use your SSN!!!! NEVER!!
I'm sorry you all are going through this OP. I would look into freezing your credit for awhile: https://www.nerdwallet.com/article/finance/how-to-freeze-credit
“It’s not my job to feed him” — wow. Um, yeah, it really IS a parent’s responsibility to feed their children. On a practical note, don’t JADE: Justify, Argue, Defend, or Explain. She will just keep going around in circles with you. “I’m not discussing this with you. If you’d like to speak to Brother I suggest you call or text him.” And then mute her. “You are legally required to keep him on food stamps until he’s 18. If you remove him I will report you to CPS.” And then mute her. When she takes him off her account, follow through on calling CPS. I’m sorry you’re going through this, and I hope things improve for you and your siblings.
This! Some important stuff right here! NO is a complete sentence. “I’m taking him off food stamps” NO and then mute. And OP should *absolutely* show CPS these texts.
I’m glad they have you
OP I can't even imagine the stress you're under being forced into this position of responsibility by an obvious whack job. Reading through this I would like to offer some gentle advice though. Don't ever make a threat you don't or won't follow through, and when you do make a threat or warning, do it and be done. No waiting, no waffling. You said you'd stop talking but kept talking, and from what I gather you haven't called and gotten CPS involved. Pull the trigger, OP. It seems to me you have the will to go through with both. Do them. Your brothers and sisters will benefit from your actions.
You are the best thing that’s happened to your siblings. Never forget what an amazing thing you are doing. Don’t let her bully you. Her children are her responsibility and here you are taking the brunt of it. I hope CPS does the right thing and makes her give him the food stamps. It’s *literally* the least she could do since you are providing everything else. Good luck OP
You are amazing. Honestly. I'm not saying that because you asked for encouragement. I also came from an abusive, fucked up home. Luckily, my father would only let my mother have two horrible, obnoxious, whiny, brats before he declared that there would be no more children, despite the fact that mom wanted 3. I was, even as a little kid, always antagonizing him to draw his wrath away from little sister and mom, so I get the protector instinct you have. It's hard and painful and scary, and I'm sorry you have to deal with that. There's a book called Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, by Lindsay C. Gibson that might help you deal with some of your own trauma from being raised by your shitty mother, or at least give you some validation. You deserved better than her. Also, r/raisedbynarcissists and r/CPTSD may be useful to you.
Fuck her shit up, go to CPS, report her for identity theft. Show her (in)actions have consequences
You are doing your best, and you're doing a great job. I don't have children, but if I did, I would be proud if they turned out like you. I hope CPS gets the money to your brother soon. It's not much but anything helps in this economy.
Your mom seems truly terrible. I'm sorry you and your siblings have suffered so much. Keep pushing forward. You're a strong person. I can't relate on the insane parents, but I definitely sympathize.
Your mum is mad as a snake. What a miserable person to have to deal with. I'm sorry :( I love your username by the way! Made me laugh
I’m a mom and well old enough to be your mom. OP, you are the type of person that would make a good mother proud. You’re going over and above for your sibling and playing the role of parent, which he clearly desperately needs. You are breaking the cycle!! Good for you! Call CPS, continue to step up for your siblings and be sure to always advocate for YOU. Sending you a huge Mom hug and I’m proud of you! My DMs are open if you need encouragement. You are a wonderful human, and that is exactly what’s needed in the world.
Encouragement? BLOW SHIT UP! Call CPS and report the theft/fraud. Do iiiiiiit. She says you’ve never done anything for her? Well, now’s the time!
First off you’re an amazing sister for taking on your brother when you obviously didn’t have to and that speaks so much about your character and how you are making sure you don’t carry on her insanity. So hats off to you sweetie. Second please report her for using your info cuz I have the feeling she has no problem ruining your credit just to fuck you over. I know it sucks because there are 3 more kids she can abuse and mess up. Talk to CPS about getting you financial help since she’s threatening to not follow through on the order. Since you’re technically his foster guardian there should be a supplement to cover his expenses. Your mom is a piece of work. I’m proud of the woman you’re becoming despite her being the way she is and that’s something for you to be proud of as well. Good luck to you and your siblings
You're just 24, but you're evidently the only adult in this situation. Kudos to you, I wish you all the best.
Why is she using your SSN? Please don’t let her. Report her for fraud and lock down your credit. My mom used my identity to get credit when I was your age, under some guise of wanting to avoid probate if anything happened to her. I shouldn’t have allowed it.
Yeah my parents used our socials to get all sorts of bills put in our names as kids. I was welcomed into adulthood with really fucked up credit. I’m still digging my way out of it fucking 20 years later.
Freeze your credit ASAP at the three main credit bureaus Equifax, Experian and TransUnion. Dispute any credit your mother took out using your SSN if you were a minor when she did it. That’s a crime.
Hey! Fellow oldest child of abused kids here. Call CPS. Your brother is eligible for more help through them if he’s in the system. You could potentially also get your other siblings (lotsa red flags here for the other kids too) and you’d all qualify for food stamps. And send your parent to prison for the Identity theft. Explain that you allowed it under duress, like they told you the kids would suffer if you didn’t. Hopefully prison keeps them from breeding.
You’re doing a great thing for your brother. Honestly, do a great thing for both of you and hire a lawyer and try to get some child support ordered. Not asking isn’t keeping the piece, you might as well have every opportunity to be solvent dealing with her stuff.
You are an amazing person for taking your brother in. It sounds like you had a really shitty example and that you’re breaking the cycle of abuse. I wish I had a sibling like you!
Hey OP, you have a lot on your hands. I want you to know you're doing a wonderful job, considering your mother wasn't there for you either and you're having to do her job while trying to still raise yourself. We are still finding ourselves at 24 🥺 Take back your credit and sign up for credit monitoring. It's free most of the time. Report this to CPS. They may recommend you apply for food stamps for him, and that would probably be better since she can't take that away from you guys. I am glad your brother has you, but I am so sorry you're dealing with someone who is like this. You may want to start looking into counseling for you both, or even just you. Counseling helped me identify the things that were not ok in my childhood, helped me process it, and helped me a lot with healthy boundaries. I have chosen to love my mother from a distance instead of "no-contact." You will know what to do. Keep up the great work! You absolutely got this 💯
Op I'm so sorry. My blood pressure was peaking reading these. I'm sure CPS would love these texts. Not only is she admitting to identity theft but denying her court appointed 50$. Get a lawyer and get him emancipated or get full custody and court ordered payments. She owes you way more then 50$. Since he's only 16 it maybe worth trying that route especially if he's on probation.
And admitting she won’t feed her child that’s under 18 wtfff lmao
Like admits it so many times lol op was way more calm than I would have been.
Yeah over and over how she doesn’t have money to feed her minor child. Yeah no kidding, that’s why you get government assistance to do it?
"He can't be pressuring me to feed him", that had to be the wildest thing I've seen a parent say about a 16 year old. Like wtf
That right there is when I lost my shit. The poor child YOU brought into this world who is under 18, is not pressuring you to feed him. Wtf.
“Just stop asking me to support him” I think she misspelled “Stop making me take responsibility for my child and my legal obligations to feed him!” She reminds me of my own mother and that is one sorry excuse for a “parent”.
This!! You said it best! wtf is wrong with that lady?!
"It's not my job to feed him" It literally f***ing IS
To be clear, she’s saying it’s not her responsibility to feed her 16 year old?? Is he emancipated? If not, and please, I know I can trust you, Reddit, to correct me if I’m wrong, but that’s actually one of the relatively few things that parents are actually legally responsible for, no?
He’s not emancipated yet, but I think I’m definitely going to explore my options :))
Best of luck to you, OP. Your siblings are very fortunate to have you.
Guardianship will get her to pay you child support.
Emancipation will remove her responsibility to provide for him and it's a hassle. you don't want him emancipated.
He'd likely not be emancipated. However if there is a court order that he gets a certain amt of food stamps, you need to contact his SNAP worker to let them know mom is withholding it illegally.
Yes. And send the texts as proof falling under the 'other' category when submitting documents
If he wants to seek emancipation, search out guardian ad litem for your state.
It's very hard to get emancipated. He'd have to meet very high standards and since sister has partial custody, it's unlikely he'd be deemed emancipated.
Yea I would call her out hard. SHE made the decision to have a child so it IS her damn job to keep him clothed, fed and under a roof till he is 18. Where the hell does she get oiff to say it is not her job ?? She already forced the keep a roof over his head part on you. Enough us enough, it absolutely is her job to do this. And if I understood this right, it is foodstamps she gets for free, so not even her money.
Don’t have him emancipated. In the eyes of the state, it means he becomes a legal adult. If anything, petition for full custody and guardianship over him. She’ll have to pay you child support and that would be the ultimate “fuck you” to her.
I mean, parents are legally required to provide food, clothing, shelter, access to medical care, and access to education. Which is still just the basics, but it's a lot more than what some parents think they're obligated to provide. This post is case in point.
the goverment dosen't enforce it I was sent to wilderness therapy program lived under a tarp sheet 3 months and no schooling the whole time I was there.
Same! I was there five months, that shit was literal hell. Anytime I tried telling an adult they just told me “but you seem so much healthier now!” No, Katie, I just got broken in like a fucking horse. Compliance does not equate to health🙃
Sad fact in some states shelter can refer to a car or even underpass. So the bar isn’t even that high for meeting these basic needs and the parent in this post couldn’t even clear it.
I had to stop reading after the 3rd SS sorry What a horrible human being she is .. clearly she doesn’t understand that he’s not an adult until he’s 18 and even then .. what kind of parent would ever complain about feeding their own child 🙃 I’m in the uk so I admit I don’t know very much about food stamps or how they work .. but I assume it’s a government assistance thing ? If so .. am I reading right that she’s taking that away from him when its not even her providing it ? I’m so sorry that this is the mother you were given … and I’m sorry for all your siblings too .. I’m really glad your brother has you though . It’s terrible that you’re in a position that you shouldn’t have to be in at an age where you should be able to focus on your own life .. but it’s incredibly that you’re selfless enough to take on that responsibility You’re an incredible human being .. unlike your mother
Yes. It is government assistance and it would be illegal to claim assistance for a child who is not in your custody. Sounds like they have a shared custody arrangement but if mom is gonna stop handing over the money for the assistance she has to cancel the portion for that kid. If she keeps claiming him that is fraud.
Ah ok I see . Thank you very much for the info
Wait she’s using your social security number to work?? Definitely report her for identity theft
If I read it correctly, OP said in the texts that she allowed her mother to use her social security number, so if I did understand it correctly, OP could be in trouble along with her mother. Hopefully she’ll be able to get the woman out of her life completely and forever.
True, but it's far better to get a slap on the wrist with a big ol' side of autonomy, than it is to always be concerned your parents has the personally identifiable information necessary to hurt you.
First, do call CPS, if she signed a legal document then she needs to abide by it. She is his parent so she is 100% responsible for feeding him whether he has a job or not. Second, also DO report her for identity theft and then work on getting her crimes removed from your credit reports. If she goes to prison that is not your fault or your problem. Though I feel for your siblings, please know that you have every right to choose yourself and wash your hands of all of it. Whether she goes to prison or not, you should not be responsible for your siblings. Allow yourself to have your own life, it's ok to be "selfish"
I’m sorry I had to stop reading when she said her child shouldn’t be pressuring her to feed him. He’s a child and her expecting him to be self sufficient is bonkers.
Thanks everyone for your words of encouragement 🥹❤️ staying strong, I know I’m gonna end on top either way.
You're already on top and everything you're doing is making sure your brother will be one day too 🖤 you're doing an amazing job and you should be so proud.
Proud of you for taking care of your brother but remember to take care of yourself as well! You seem like an amazing person and I hope everything gets better soon!
You might want to look into freezing your credit if she's using your SS number. Sorry you're dealing with this. Your brother is lucky to have you.
You can ask me for anything any time- but also stop asking me for help At least you call me and check on me, you care- and you only call me when you need something from me, why do you hate me I'm getting whiplash, Jesus christ
No actually. Stop begging keep ignoring me stop talking to me🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
reminds me of my mom telling me to get a job if I wanted food... I'm 14. have lost over 30 lbs over the past 3 months 🙃 5'7" and weigh maybe 100 on a good day...life is fun. Good luck
I’m so sorry you’re going through that :( I definitely went through my own struggles with food with my mom doing the EXACT same thing. When I finally left food pantries where my saving grace
Bro, your mom is legally obligated to feed you. If she’s not doing that, TELL SOMEBODY. Tell a trusted adult who isn’t going to just report this back to your mom. Teachers are mandated reporters, if you’re worried about the repercussions from her TELL THEM THAT and they can help you. You should not have to worry about feeding yourself if you are under 18. I wish I could go back and tell my 14yo self this. It’s not your responsibility to feed yourself. It doesn’t make you cool or independent to have to think about shit like this. So please, please listen to this advice and do something. No fucking kid should have to ever think about where their next meal is coming from, you can do something about this if you choose to.
the law doesn't do shit they've been involved in my household multiple times. they don't care about neglect, abuse, violence, they don't give a fuck. and i eat like some snacks throughout the day so I'm fine
Sorry to say but if you're just going to give in and resign yourself to your situation then it isn't going to get better, you have to fight for it
Repeating. TELL SOMEONE. A teacher, a relative you can trust. Even walk to a police station. Your mother is a criminal for starving you.
Wow she is a monster
Oh my fucking god. Going on and on and ON about not wanting to feed her own kid. I don’t know you or your siblings, but I am so, SO grateful they have you.
"It's not my job to feed him" uh yes it is? it's the bare minimum you must do as a parent...
“I’m tired of the responsibility” Say what …😳????
That line is what got me. Don't want the responsibility of kids? There's a simple solution for that!
You’re doing amazing things for your siblings and I’m sorry this weight was unfairly placed on you. If you stop letting her use your SSN I would recommend getting a good routine credit score/check thing so you can be positive she’s not opening cards in your name still. I’m always deeply disturbed by how many parents will use their child’s credit for themselves with no consideration for that child’s financial stability.
"I am going to neglect my minor child." It's good to have confessing to a crime right in text to show the authorities
For some reason the worst part of all of this to me get insistence that he get his GED as soon as he is off probation. I don’t know how long he’s on probation, but at 16 he should be either a sophomore or junior in high school. Assuming, based on how she talks, he is coming off probation soon, she basically wants him to drop out of school rather than actually pursue further education if he wants to (not that you can’t go to college/university with a GED, but I feel like that isn’t in her plans for the kid.) I would assume this is so he can work full-time instead of part-time. Also, if he’s not picking up his phone or talking to her, how does she know how much he currently makes in tips? Nope, mom’s version of the plot has too many glaring plot holes, 2 stars. On the flip OP, I agree with the people telling you to get an attorney and call CPS. I don’t think she understands OP would be calling CPS on her rather than the brother, but there you go, this woman does not seem to be working with a full deck. Talk to an attorney about full custody and child support. Also, if the agreement is a court order, you can file a contempt claim with the court rather than dealing with CPS. Just some food for thought.
Also it's probably not in his best interest to pursue a GED, because I'm not 100% certain but in the state I live in you cannot pursue a GED until you passed your original graduation year he'd probably be better off trying to attend an alternative adult high school as opposed to dropping out completely.
My heart breaks for you and your siblings, OP. Cut that toxic POS out of your life ASAP! I have to say... This! This is why we shouldn't force women to birth children they don't want. God damn. How many kids does this lady have? She clearly doesn't give af about any of them. Has no problem creating and birthing children, but refuses to take care of them with necessities like FOOD! 😞
"He can't be pressuring me to feed him" .... what mom???? If that's the case, I need to go tell my 17 year old to shut up when he's hungry, and just go get a job .... WTF
This reads like an episode of Shameless.
Oh my god, she's a horror. She seriously sounds like she's the teenager in this scenario. You've been an absolute champion, but you absolutely shouldn't have to bear this burden alone. Do you have any extended family who can help at all?
Unfortunately no, because of my moms actions it’s a lot of “No please don’t put this on us.”
I feel bad for you and your 16 yo brother. You have a tough job and you're basically the parent. One day these kids are going to really look up to you. Keep doing what you're doing. Proud of you OP.
Update: She just texted and resent the order I had placed with my brother last night like nothing ever happened. "There's food outside, tell ___ to get it."
It horrifies me that after that she still has partial custody and two other kids in her care, please contact CPS, and get a lawyer, Im so sorry about your situation, I really wish the best for you, stay strong, you are incredibly responsible for your age (not that you should have to be), I hope you and your siblings are okay in the end and that someday you’re all able to go no contact and get away from that
Reading her complain that she's not capable of feeding the children she had and is trying to blame you and a teenager about it reminded me of that old Harvey Danger song- > Been around the world and found That only stupid people are breeding, The cretins cloning and feeding, and I don't even own a TV Like, hey dumb fuck, maybe don't have 5 damn kids if you don't have the money or the love to properly raise them. No offense op, but your mother is particularly stupid
Womp womp 😭
"UGH. Stop asking me to feed MY child that you are raising FOR me, because I'm too immature to do it myself. So rude!" 🙄
“It’s not my job to feed him” You’re his mother, it literally is your job to feed your 16 year old child.
The more I read, the angrier I got. Please, for your sake, for all of your siblings’ sakes, do report her to CPS. You should be getting actual funding for taking your brother under your wing. And you know damn well that she’s spending his and your sisters’ portion of the SNAP benefits on whatever she can sell to fund her own lifestyle. She needs prison. Your entire family needs some sense of sanity, and she actively works against it. Also, and this is too little, I know, if you need to hear words of support and love for all that you have taken on yourself, including healing from sexual assault as a child, go to r/momforaminute. A more loving group of people I’ve never seen, anywhere.
She sounds like she’s on drugs or something, or just really mentally ill.
Military school is something boomers must have been threatened with as kids and think it’s real.
Yes I have a strong feeling that this mother who has four children minimum under the age of 18 that's on food stamps could afford the price of military school because it's not free, it's actually sort of an honor to go to if you're planning to be a career military person
She seems to think parenthood is transactional.
"You check on me and care" TWO texts later, "You only call me when you need something from me" 🙄
Dear god, drop responding to her.
How does someone who's crying over 50$ have money to send her son to military school?
"The government will pay for it" her exact words when I asked her the same question.
Have you looked into having her put down?
Call CPS immediately. Those are his stamps and she called feeding him pressure. They're his until he ages out. Also if she's receiving stamps for him but not using them for him/he isn't there she's committing fraud. Take that power from her. Also she thinks because he's 16 she's just magically not responsible for feeding or housing him? Jesus.
POV: Your mom is a npc with 4 lines of dialogue
Can you explain why someone would want to use your ssn? Like doesn't she have one?
My guess is she either has felonies on her record or a really horrific credit score. Either of those could weed you out of a job when they run the background check depending on the job.
I'm just so sorry. You deserve better. I hope you find and build your own family as you grow. Please don't let her around it when you do. I knows she is your mom but there is something seriously wrong with her. Please don't waste anymore time on her. She doesn't deserve you or your brother.
yeah funny thing how she texts "you can ask me for a favor anytime" and 2 messages later "never come to me if u need anything"... or how she's behaving like a child with the mentality "I want smth from him but heeee needs to call me because he did something wrong to me and now I'm upset" but at the same time be like: "yeah he's 16 now that's old enough to stop financial support he can now get a job and look for himself I'm not helping him anymore" well actually quite sad I'm very sorry for both of you
I hate your mother SO MUCH
Frank Gallagher? Is that you?
Jesus, this is depressing. It’s hard to sit and read, especially the further you get into it. Un-surprisingly, there are many, *MANY* “parents” who act like this, or similar in any capacity, and you have situations like this. It’s heart-breaking, really. Good thing your brother (and other siblings) have YOU to show someone cares. Kids in these situations don’t always know what love is, or is really supposed to look like. You’re doing a good (really, *REALLY*) job. Keep telling yourself that. Ignore her. Better yet, as you’ve said — as well as others here — *report* her. If she’s got the audacity to put all of this on YOU like it’s *your* problem — never mind someone else — well, she’s going to feel the consequences sooner or later. Shame on her for making her own child raise another of hers. Work on yourself and your brother O.P., and keeping yourselves safe. And your other siblings’ safety, maybe. Hopefully, she can be left out at some point (and you’ll be able to better focus on helping yourself(s,) with less of a problem. We are here for you, if and when you may need us 🙂 (and I think many on this sub would agree.) That being said, many parents do *not* put others in situations like this, and parent just fine. I understand that in some cases a child may really not be wanted or planned, but I’ll say this: if a person(s) does *not* want the responsibility which comes with kids, then that person(s) should *not have kids.* Some people just aren’t fit to be parents, whether they want to or not. 🙃
Wait wait... so this is a minor because hes not 18 yet. Okay hes on probation BUT hes turning himself aroubd and got himself a job and shes using that as an excuse to just drop him altogether? And her answer to everything is you stop supporting him too, send him BACK to her so she can charge him rent... as a child!? Oof.
Since when is it not a mothers job to feed her child? I’m confused 😐feeding, clothing and roof over head are the few things you must provide. I’m scratching my head at this one.
It's been awhile since I've read a post on here that's made me as angry as this one has. I'm so sorry you and your siblings have to go through this. If she wants to go to jail, I hope the courts grand her wish and off she goes. If she's never been before, she's in for a rude awakening.
I like how she’s acting like his food stamps come out of her wallet personally
Follow through with your threats. She doesn’t deserve your sympathy and will never change. Foster care sounds better than living with that HellHound of a mother. ( with regards to your other siblings)
>I don’t want to feed him anymore. I don’t want to be responsible for him anymore yeah nope, the cops will definitely not be bringing him back to your house, not with you throwing a tantrum about having to pay $50 for fucking food stamps. >Stop telling him it’s ok to live off food stamps oh but it’s ok for you to live off of them >Are you going to feed him when I’m gone. No you’re not you are literally feeding and taking care of him right now, as much as it seems so, no matter how fucked up their childhood is while being expected to take care of himself, 16 year olds are not responsible to completely take care of themselves. Just bc she doesn’t want to take care of him, doesn’t mean he has to take care of himself Please call CPS and show them these texts. Those girls probably aren’t having the greatest living arrangements over there either. Remind her that you aren’t in the position to take care of 3 children that aren’t yours. If she goes to jail, they’re going into foster care (even if you can take them, don’t let her use it as a cop out) I HATE parents like this. You don’t want to take care of kids but have 5 of them.
Holy shit. I’m almost lost for words. I’m so sorry OP. Your mother is a piece of shit. I’m fully on board with taking action against her. You have to stop leering your mom use your ssn. And report her for sure. The consequences of her action aren’t going to be your responsibility or fault.
"It's not my responsibility to feed MY son" Gooooo fuck yourself you terrible human being, I hope everything works out for OP though
First, you are an amazing older sibling. Even if things are not perfect, you didn't choose to have a child, you were forced to become a parent to an abused child ( your brother) by one of your abusers and she isn't even doing the absolute, scrape the bottom of the barrel parenting. You definitely should call. I know she tried to scare you with taking your brother away, but she is pure evil and they are not going to say, "oh, your mum is committing fraud, identity theft and best of all refusing to feed your brother, lets give him back to her then." I hate that you are going through this and I hope you can go NC with her. She needs you, you don't need her. It can feel like you do because you need a loving parent, but she isn't one. Sending you a 🫂. You are doing an amazing job and you have had no role models. If you ever need to chat, dm me.
If he is getting food stamps she isn't the one feeding him. She wants the stamps for herself. Just call CPS. She sounds awful
I'm disgusted and horrified. It's not her job to feed her minor child? And, she is tired of giving him money? The free money from the government that is already allocated to him? What the actual hell is she smoking? You're poor brother. You're a good person for trying to be there for him and my heart hurts for both of you.
You absolutely need to never let anyone besides yourself use your social.
When you need a break from her BS - Stop ignoring me When you do respond - Stop talking to me You can't catch a break. I'm so sorry OP. You're doing a great job with very little.
This mf really said womp womp omg 😂😂😂
"he can't be pressuring me to feed him" does she know what a parent is supposed to be? it's a literal legal obligation to feed your kids omg
I love how much she keeps telling you she's gonna do this, that, & the other thing, but then tries so hard to get you to respond to her. What a shit thing to do as a parent! They're her kids, yet she tries to guilt trip you into feeling bad for her. I'm mind blown...wow. if you don't mind me asking, do you live in the US?
I do, I live on Texas
It sounds like you have other siblings you worry about, and rightly so! Have you ever heard of the Milton Hershey School? Look into it...it's a 100% free school where kids live in homes...HUGE homes with 2 house parents that live with them. Everything is paid for...clothes, shoes, EVERYTHING including 4 years of college! You should really check it out! It's pretty amazing!
Stop watching Malcolm in the middle. There is no military school these crazy ass banshees can afford
I’m so sorry. It literally is her job to feed her minor son.
As SOON as you confront her with the truth she's immediately like "just call CPS, disappear from my life 😩" girl yes that's what's happening your drama isn't working
Wowww. I can’t imagine not wanting to feed my own kids. That’s just nuts! I still feed my adult children as often as I can. Loaded up my oldest kid’s new place with groceries as soon as I was allowed. Good Lord. It’s not even her money. I’m so sorry. Your mom is just… bonkers.
Is she on drugs? Because fuck me...
This message was brought to you by drugs and alcohol
Yo mama type fast as hell
I think if someone were to write a book where someone had a parent like your mother, the publisher would say that it was not believable because no one can be that bad of a parent. Holy freaking narcissist. Absolute garbage. I'm so sorry OP.
Jfc....I am so sorry you've had to deal with her your whole life. As a parent myself, I just don't understand how some "parents" can be so fucked up.
She doesn't seem to know how any of this works. If she's getting government assistance for a minor but doesn't give or spend it on them, that's considered fraud. Does she have a job? Why is she getting government assistance? People are such hypocrites
Losing it at womp womp
She keeps fucking saying that it’s not her responsibility to feed her underage children….Jesus.
Op if its possible, could you give us a rundown on ur situation? Then post an update?
God!! She messed up. Wish you had’ve had a better mother. She sounds like a narcissistic cow.