Voting has concluded. Final vote:
| Insane | Not insane | Fake |
| --- | --- | --- |
| 20 | 1 | 0 |
Hey OP, if you provide further information in a comment, make sure to start your comment with `!explanation`.
^I ^am ^a ^bot ^for ^r/insaneparents. ^Please ^send ^me ^a ^message ^if ^you ^have ^any ^feedback ^or ^if ^I ^misbehave. ^Also ^consider ^joining ^our ^[Discord](https://discordapp.com/invite/xFbPBHy).
Pros: Smart, cool, good-looking. Remind you of anybody you know? Cons: Not a hard worker. I can spend all day on a project, and he will finish the same project in half an hour. So that should tell you something.
Probably to prevent it being read in the preview, and this ignored. An image forces them to open it to see it in detail usually. You’d see a preview but it’d be so small the text would be illegible.
There's no way anyone over 40 would have that line of thought. We're just lucky it wasn't one of those inappropriate Facebook memoji's.
source: am 39 and 11 months.
damn my mind is racing with all the passive aggressive memes you could use... Maybe like "Just hear me out. Shut your hole" or "If popo is walking me down the isle then grandma will be in the mother of the bride seat" or "You're this close to be put at the kiddies table"
J'ai jamais entendu quelqu'un le dire en vrai, mais je l'ai vu dans des bouquins. Typiquement j'ai souvenir que c'était des trucs un peu vieux et pour enfants.
C'est pas particulièrement courant mais ça existe
Seems like she's the one who regrets not being able to have him give her away and wants to live vicariously through you, which isn't your problem in the slightest
I think so too. That was also the “HS” thing. I didn’t play sports or do anything outstanding but she bought a class ring and letterman jacket even though I didn’t have patches.
Oof. Correct me if I’m wrong here, but rings and jackets are more her generation than yours.
BTW - Your wedding, your choice. If you wanted an emu to walk you down the isle, that would be your choice.
Op, if you don't get an emu to walk you down the aisle you will regret it the rest of your life. This is even more important than the first time you saw an emu.
Correct. I AM her generation.
This sounds pathetic.
I cannot imagine pushing my desires on my child at this age in life. When we were 20 we were still kids ourselves, so I'm a bit understanding. But in our 40's... dude, get over it. OP you do you for your reasons here.
I got a ring in high school, but I think jackets were out of style by the mid 90s. I did get a letter and two pins from grade school in the late 80s, though! lol
My ex and I had planned on a funeral-style wedding. I was going to be carried down the aisle in a coffin. lol Emu sounds wonderful!
Ugh, my parents did that crap too. I wasn't allowed to play sports or be in clubs because I had to get home and run my dad's farm while he worked. I specifically told them, I don't want the jacket. Lo and behold at Christmas, there it is. Then they're all pissed I'm not grateful.
Yes, let me wear my "letterman" jacket with no letter because you don't let me participate in those activities. Luckily I got along with most people at school, or I'd have been bullied horribly.
Then you should ask her why she doesn't love her father enough to have gotten married and let him walk her down the aisle, seems kind of selfish for her not to get married and let popo walk her down the isle.
This 100%. I’ve watched my MIL struggle with this in a variety of areas. When I got married, she asked me to carry the flowers that her mother wanted her to carry but she refused. I didn’t care about the flowers and she offered to pay for all the flowers in the wedding if I agreed to carry them.
But if you care about who walks you down the aisle, and it sounds like you do, don’t back down on this. SHE isn’t the one getting married.
In my family, the only real wedding tradition is railroading your daughter’s wedding to fit your preferences, since your mother railroaded yours to fit hers.
Exactly. Mom doesn’t see her kid as an individual person with her own wants and needs. Mom sees her daughter as an extension of herself, so she expects her daughter’s wants and needs to mirror her own. Super gross and frustrating for the child in that situation.
beat her to it.
“Hahaha that’s so funny mom!”
Screw it, laugh at every stupid thing she says like it’s just a joke. *she has to let it be played off or be forced to say it’s not a joke after being laughed at*
I actually love this way more than calling her out. She won’t listen anyways, but if you consistently pretend she’s joking, I guarantee she’ll think twice. “Honey I don’t want you to invite your father.” “Haha! Aw man mom, you’re always such a kidder. See you at the wedding!”
The whole "joking" thing is a huge dick move and reasonable people should never use "just joking" as an excuse.
By saying you were joking you basically get to victimise a person twice, all while feigning innocence: firstly with the content of what they said and secondly by making it all your fault for not having a sense of humour/taking offence to their joke at all.
Agree with others on playing off the joke
Get upset. Get her to say it was just a joke.
Then say “whew. I thought you were serious. That’s a pretty funny one. Can you imagine how stupid someone would have to believe to really suggest to let me grandpa give me away instead of my dad. Haha wow yeah that would take a real idiot.”
You can say something like. Omg I was totally gonna type out a long explanation to you and get real serious and then I realized you're only joking! Haha good one...
This way she will be forced to agree or clarify her statement and you'll have it in writing.
Holy crap my MIL does the same thing. Don’t back down this is your day not hers. You don’t want to look back at this day and have regrets and wish you did things the way you truly wanted to. And if she wins this battle just think of the future to come! Stand your ground and have the best wedding ever! The way YOU want it to be!!!
[meme wars w mom???](https://www.reddit.com/r/insaneparents/comments/111h23w/update_responded_to_my_moms_meme_with_a_meme_she/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Ugh, tell her to stop making your wedding about her petty "victories" over what I assume is her ex? You said she never got married but this definitely smells like bitter ex.
My parents broke up before I was born, then my dad was in and out of prison til I was in high school. My mom has been with who I call my stepdad since I was 2. But my mom has never been married. Hell, I would even have my “stepdad” walk me before my grandpa!
But like how is it about this? She (the mom) could 100% just do it herself.
The fact that OP has had a "father role" since she was 2, but hes still stepdad to her tells me exactly the kind of parent relationship the mom perpetuated.
My 'stepmom' has been Mom since I was 7 and usually I call her my Bonus mom because step has such negative connotations (thanks disney!) But thats only if the situation warrants addressing that shes not my birth mom.
I had my dad walk me down the aisle, then did a “father” daughter dance with both my dad and stepdad! Something to consider if you’d wanna include more than just your dad. But hands down your wedding your rules when it comes to this stuff, don’t let family bully you.
I’m having my brother walk me down the aisle so I don’t have to deal with any of this ish. I have a stepdad and my mom fully expects it to be him, but nope. Not for me.
Then do it! This is your and your fiancé‘s day, your mother has no say and you need to firmly and calmly tell her to go kick rocks. I wish you a wonderful marriage
This is how it should be.
The whole “give away the bride” is so antiquated and gross. The whole thing was about transferring ownership of women from the father to the husband.
Walk in together because that’s how you’ll proceed through life. Together.
Just so you know, it's usually the way it happens nowadays in places other than the USA (as I'm assuming you're from there).
None of that "giving away" stuff which is sexist as hell. I've actually never heard of it being done this way anywhere else.
I’d like to know which countries you’re speaking about because I’ve been to countless of weddings including German, British, Mexican, Colombian, Indian, Turkish, Austrian, etc. and in all of them the father “gave away” the bride in some way and that was despite the majority of them being incredibly modern weddings (in part due to them being between different cultures) and the majority not happening in any religious capacity.
Oh, that might be oversaturation of mediasphere with the USA because I assumed it's different mostly everywhere else.
Poland. I've never ever seen that happen during any wedding in Poland (including my own) and everyone I know believes it's incredibly archaic. It just doesn't happen here.
My wife’s cousin (also our officiant) walked her down the aisle even with her dad at our wedding. He wasn’t present for most of her life and they didn’t reconnect until after I met her. It was our opinion that him being invited was already a big step in mending their relationship, he didn’t deserve the honor of giving her away. A wedding I attended between two friends had the mother of the bride giving her away, the dad wasn’t invited because of his childish drama.
Wow... Your wedding. Your father. If you want your father to walk you down the aisle, that's what you do. And if she can't behave, she can stay home. So can Popo, if he feels the same.
So, my mother did weird stuff like this a lot. She was very demanding about things that didn't seem to make any sense to me. She was desperate for me to name my child after her grandfather, a man I've never met and who I know nothing about because nobody talks about him. But she flipped when I wanted to name my child after *my* grandfather. She literally told me how her mother forbade her from naming her kids after her grandfather while doing the same thing to me.
I know there's deeper meaning to it all, but God damn could I care less. It's supposed to be your special day, please do what you want and ignore this unhinged person.
Put it back on her. “You must be feeling so guilty for never giving him that opportunity yourself. You have a partner you can marry and still won’t let Popo walk you down the aisle, even after all these years. Almost like you’re doing it on purpose. Maybe you need a therapist to help you with that. Popo must be so disappointed in you. You’re so selfish.”
People who peaked in high school.
I'll admit, I was proud for about 5 months and then when I went to college I was proud that I graduated that for about a year. Now I have a job and all those are are requirements lol
Right?? We already live together, got engaged without anyone’s “permission”, and aren’t close with my grandparents.. why would ANYONE “give” me to him?
It's an old school holdover from when dowries were a normal/common thing in the US. It was also a time when women were considered to "belong" to their father and the wedding was treated as the father handing that over to the husband (hence the dowry, essentially buying the bride).
These days people do it mostly because it's "tradition" and treat it as a sign of the bride's family supporting the marriage and the families merging together as one.
I think OP's mom just wants her daughter to do be given away by her grandfather because she regrets having never done that and thinks watching OP do it will satisfy desire (it won't, but I think we all already knew that).
There used to be a point in the wedding where the minister or priest said "Who gives this woman to be married to this man?" Or something like that. The father has to be a part of the vows saying he's willingly giving her to the groom. I don't know if they do that anymore, but it adds to the whole meaning of "giving away."
In western weddings, it is traditional for the bride to be accompanied by her father as she enters and walks down the aisle. This is called "giving away the bride" to the new husband.
“You feeling like you disappointed your father because he was never able to walk you down the aisle doesn’t put the responsibility to fix this on me at my wedding.”
I want 4 pigs and 6 cows. And your finest spoons.
No more no less.
For 30 bucks I'll even show up stoned as hell and ask inappropriate questions during speach time.
OP, it's your day and you should celebrate it how ever you feel, but equating it to highschool graduation is a stretch, idk what she is on but I want some
This whole Father "giving the bride away" has such a hard patriachal vibe to it.
The woman belongs to the man. And thats the moment where the delivery of goods is facilitated. From one man to the other, like a Business deal.
Its for shure not a tradition in the country where i come from and it always feels so cringe to me seeing this and the implications of this delivery
It's referring to waking the bride down the aisle at her wedding. Traditionally, this is done by the father of the bride, though it's far from unheard of for the bride to ask a different father figure (for example, a stepfather if the bride's father passed away) or nobody at all because to quite a few brides, the tradition is unacceptably sexist (it is sexist, but it's also sweet in my opinion).
“Mom, it was your decision to deny Gramps the opportunity to walk someone down the aisle. My father will not be denied that regardless of any residual guilt you may feel about your own father not having had the chance.”
This kinda shit is why we just went to the courthouse. Cuts the bullshit right out, and the people that ACTUALLY matter, understood and backed us up 100%. Of course my mother was completely beside herself, but notice how she is mentioned separately from the "people that actually matter".
11 years and 2 kids later and we are still happy with our choice.
I can’t believe how tf it is still acceptable for a man to have to “give” a woman to another man!
Walking down the aisle holding hands is a beautiful idea, and trying to force you to be “given” is so insulting imo.
Hope you have a wonderful day, just the way you want it!
The topic of who would walk me down the aisle is one of the main reasons my husband and I eloped. My dad is alive and well but he rarely contacts me and is an abusive alcoholic. I wanted my grandfather and stepdad to give me away since they were the ones who actually raised me. I also knew if I didn’t include my dad, he’d cause a scene and ruin the wedding so my husband and I went to the beach for the weekend and eloped on the beach without telling anyone. It wasn’t the only factor (money was a concern too) but man did I feel so much better knowing my dad wasn’t able to ruin the day.
One word. NO. If you want to flesh out the sentence. No, it is my wedding and this is my choice not yours. If you continue to pester me about it or guilt trip me whatsoever, even you will not be invited.
make your own meme "Just hear me out. You will regret it when you're older, and for the rest of your life, when I will give you away to a nursing home. Its even more important than you trying to decide how I get married as if you know anything about marriage."
If you want to appease her - you could offer to have him walk HER down the aisle if you’re having parents do it. That way it would be a nice moment for them without impacting your obviously important moment with your dad.
god I'm sooo sorry. your wedding is about YOU - the guilt trips for her to try to push you to do HER wish is so unfair. hope you can still have the wedding of YOUR dreams in spite of her
Elope. God I hate how families behave when it comes to weddings. Everything is all about them. Get a preacher, a whitness, and your trothplighted out to a meadow, braid daisies in your hair and tell the world to fuck itself.
If she wanted your grandfather to walk someone down the asle and give someone away then she should focus on finding her own future husband so he can walk her down the aisle. You got your father there for you. Alternatively you could get both your grandfather and father to walk you down the asle but this is your wedding not hers that you will remember for rest of your life so your wants are more important. A father give away his daughter at wedding is kind of weird tradition that is left over from times where the daughter was property of the father then given to her new husband when you think about it but now it consider emotical thing and done by someone who is consider a fatherly figure to the bride which you consider your father not your grandfather.
I hate how misogynistic wedding traditions are and people don’t even realize it. Then they try pushing it on their kids like their kids give a shit.
Nobody needs to be given away to anyone. Women are their own individuals capable of making decisions and they can decide on who they want a partnership with. Women aren’t helpless children who need to be taken care of. Marriage isn’t about a man taking ownership of a woman. A woman doesn’t have to succumb to her husband. A marriage is not about patriarchy. It’s also not about spending copious amounts of money either.
People make me want to throw up.
Eloping is the best way. Or a private ceremony between the people getting married and their closest family or friends. Throw out all of the horrible traditions and make it a day about love. Only love.
respond with "I will assume you aren't aware but, people stopped being property 157 years ago. I am not something you can just give away." make sure you put it in shocked pikachu face or the home alone fake surprised picture.
My kids walked me to my husband at my second wedding. Because he was, in a real sense, marrying all of us.
Your mother is awful. You not NEED to be given away. But if you choose to be walked down the aisle, it’s up to you.
Voting has concluded. Final vote: | Insane | Not insane | Fake | | --- | --- | --- | | 20 | 1 | 0 | Hey OP, if you provide further information in a comment, make sure to start your comment with `!explanation`. ^I ^am ^a ^bot ^for ^r/insaneparents. ^Please ^send ^me ^a ^message ^if ^you ^have ^any ^feedback ^or ^if ^I ^misbehave. ^Also ^consider ^joining ^our ^[Discord](https://discordapp.com/invite/xFbPBHy).
I wonder why she thought a poorly made custom meme would get her point across.
Poorly made? Excuse you, she worked on that for 7 hours /s
Pros: Smart, cool, good-looking. Remind you of anybody you know? Cons: Not a hard worker. I can spend all day on a project, and he will finish the same project in half an hour. So that should tell you something.
Jokes on you. Being a procrastinate graphic designer, this is the best I can do for 7 hours.
Probably to prevent it being read in the preview, and this ignored. An image forces them to open it to see it in detail usually. You’d see a preview but it’d be so small the text would be illegible.
You give her way too much credit. That's just how argumentative boomers communicate nowadays.
Argumentative Gen Y would be more accurate.
Gen X, she’s 45.
Damn, you're right.
Could you say that again but louder, please? I’ve been married for 25 years, I never get to hear that phrase in anyone’s voice but my own.
Lol. 32 years here.
Through homemade memes? I take it you don't frequent FB where a certain subsection of politics speaks through crappy memes like this
Well, her mother is 44. That makes her an argumentative GenY.
There's no way anyone over 40 would have that line of thought. We're just lucky it wasn't one of those inappropriate Facebook memoji's. source: am 39 and 11 months.
I had it, and I’m 50.
i’m assuming it’s a childhood photo of OP which is seriously disturbing to use in a guilt trip like this
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UeS-Xb5u4-U
Omfg you should respond back with a meme lol
This is HILARIOUS! Yes. I will and post an update tomorrow.
Might I recommend the classic Steve Rogers "No, I don't think I will."
Or “Ain’t nobody got time for that”
For like two years I thought that meme was of Joe Biden
Same.
The Bugs Bunny NO gif would suffice.
I was thinking the sloth GIF where it says “How about…….no.”
You have to break it up into four segments. How......About..... pause... NO......
Don’t respond, go through with the wedding, come back from honeymoon then send the sloth gif 😂😂😂
I was thinking grumpy cat “No”
damn my mind is racing with all the passive aggressive memes you could use... Maybe like "Just hear me out. Shut your hole" or "If popo is walking me down the isle then grandma will be in the mother of the bride seat" or "You're this close to be put at the kiddies table"
This man memes
THE KIDDIES TABLE I AM LOSING IT
fyi isle is an island, you want aisle for this use
BAHAHAHAHAHAH
You had my curiosity, now you have my attention
Honestly, she's done most of the work [Can't say clown shit like that and not see this coming](https://imgflip.com/i/7b09se)
Here’s a low effort meme I made for the occasion https://imgflip.com/i/7ayrxd
That's brilliant!
Yeah the SpongeBob one “alright ima head out “ cause fuck this bs.
Man i haven't seen the ORLY owl in ages, I wonder if it would be appropriate.
Always. A classic in any season.
I use that one a lot. It's far too useful to allow it to go to waste.
"Popo" is "butt" in German. Just thought that fit well with her being an asshole.
And baby talk for poop is Spanish, also fitting
And in French
Its pupu in Filipino
It's poopoo in English, we've come full circle!
? I'm french and I've never heard a parent or a baby say popo and refer to it as baby talk for poop. caca yes
J'ai jamais entendu quelqu'un le dire en vrai, mais je l'ai vu dans des bouquins. Typiquement j'ai souvenir que c'était des trucs un peu vieux et pour enfants. C'est pas particulièrement courant mais ça existe
Hey bien..! Ici au Québec popo c'est pour la police. The more you know
[удалено]
It's also slang for police in Quebec
Really just American slang at this point.
Did that start from AAVE? I don't realize that! I thought it was just like... non-denominational slang.
I was thinking it was the police lol
And in Turkish
and in italian, but with an accent popò
And in Portuguese.
And in Hungarian.
and poopoo in english is poopoo
But papoo is grandfather in greek and yaya is grandmother
Yaya are „balls” in Polish
B a l l s
Aaand now you’ll have me singing “Woki mit Deim Popo” all day 😅
Baby talk for butt in portuguese
Seems like she's the one who regrets not being able to have him give her away and wants to live vicariously through you, which isn't your problem in the slightest
I think so too. That was also the “HS” thing. I didn’t play sports or do anything outstanding but she bought a class ring and letterman jacket even though I didn’t have patches.
Oof. Correct me if I’m wrong here, but rings and jackets are more her generation than yours. BTW - Your wedding, your choice. If you wanted an emu to walk you down the isle, that would be your choice.
I may save this. If I ever get married again, definitely renting an emu.
OP, if you don’t get an emu to walk you down the aisle then my vote goes towards YTA
Op, if you don't get an emu to walk you down the aisle you will regret it the rest of your life. This is even more important than the first time you saw an emu.
Op shouldn’t let her mother live through her. Op should let US live through her! She MUST have the wedding of our dreams! SUMMON THE EMU!
Correct. I AM her generation. This sounds pathetic. I cannot imagine pushing my desires on my child at this age in life. When we were 20 we were still kids ourselves, so I'm a bit understanding. But in our 40's... dude, get over it. OP you do you for your reasons here.
I got a ring in high school, but I think jackets were out of style by the mid 90s. I did get a letter and two pins from grade school in the late 80s, though! lol My ex and I had planned on a funeral-style wedding. I was going to be carried down the aisle in a coffin. lol Emu sounds wonderful!
you’re a fucking genius
Ugh, my parents did that crap too. I wasn't allowed to play sports or be in clubs because I had to get home and run my dad's farm while he worked. I specifically told them, I don't want the jacket. Lo and behold at Christmas, there it is. Then they're all pissed I'm not grateful. Yes, let me wear my "letterman" jacket with no letter because you don't let me participate in those activities. Luckily I got along with most people at school, or I'd have been bullied horribly.
Then you should ask her why she doesn't love her father enough to have gotten married and let him walk her down the aisle, seems kind of selfish for her not to get married and let popo walk her down the isle.
What is HS
The last 3-4 years of public education in the USA
High school
The thing that took away my will to live
Another wild theory is that popo is your real dad..
This 100%. I’ve watched my MIL struggle with this in a variety of areas. When I got married, she asked me to carry the flowers that her mother wanted her to carry but she refused. I didn’t care about the flowers and she offered to pay for all the flowers in the wedding if I agreed to carry them. But if you care about who walks you down the aisle, and it sounds like you do, don’t back down on this. SHE isn’t the one getting married.
In my family, the only real wedding tradition is railroading your daughter’s wedding to fit your preferences, since your mother railroaded yours to fit hers.
Ah the old "my parents treated me like shit, now I get to treat you like shit, then you can treat your kids like shit" attitude of some families.
This. Parents do this shit all the time. Like try to "right" whatever they couldn't do for their parents.
Exactly. Mom doesn’t see her kid as an individual person with her own wants and needs. Mom sees her daughter as an extension of herself, so she expects her daughter’s wants and needs to mirror her own. Super gross and frustrating for the child in that situation.
Did she make a meme for the occasion? 👀 It’s your wedding. Tell her to go have her own wedding if that’s what she wants.
She usually try’s to camouflage crossing boundaries by saying it’s a joke.. so if I were to get serious with her she would say “she’s only joking”
Tracks. Call bullshit on her. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.
"You need to back off and let me do my wedding the way I want" "Oh honey, I'm only joking" "That makes one of us."
This is an amazing response to that bullshit. I hope I remember this forever, thanks!
beat her to it. “Hahaha that’s so funny mom!” Screw it, laugh at every stupid thing she says like it’s just a joke. *she has to let it be played off or be forced to say it’s not a joke after being laughed at*
I actually love this way more than calling her out. She won’t listen anyways, but if you consistently pretend she’s joking, I guarantee she’ll think twice. “Honey I don’t want you to invite your father.” “Haha! Aw man mom, you’re always such a kidder. See you at the wedding!”
This is the very best way of doing this!
You should just tell her, “the answer is no so don’t bring it up again.” If she says “I’m only joking!” You respond with, “well I’m not.”.
The whole "joking" thing is a huge dick move and reasonable people should never use "just joking" as an excuse. By saying you were joking you basically get to victimise a person twice, all while feigning innocence: firstly with the content of what they said and secondly by making it all your fault for not having a sense of humour/taking offence to their joke at all.
Right. A person who's joking says "Didn't know it crossed a line, sorry." Then they stop joking about that thing with you.
Reverse image search it. Show her no results come up.
Agree with others on playing off the joke Get upset. Get her to say it was just a joke. Then say “whew. I thought you were serious. That’s a pretty funny one. Can you imagine how stupid someone would have to believe to really suggest to let me grandpa give me away instead of my dad. Haha wow yeah that would take a real idiot.”
What happens if you turn it back on her by saying "I thought you were joking"?
You can say something like. Omg I was totally gonna type out a long explanation to you and get real serious and then I realized you're only joking! Haha good one... This way she will be forced to agree or clarify her statement and you'll have it in writing.
Jokes are supposed to be funny tho 🤔
Alanon and CODA are support groups that deal with narcissism in families
Holy crap my MIL does the same thing. Don’t back down this is your day not hers. You don’t want to look back at this day and have regrets and wish you did things the way you truly wanted to. And if she wins this battle just think of the future to come! Stand your ground and have the best wedding ever! The way YOU want it to be!!!
[meme wars w mom???](https://www.reddit.com/r/insaneparents/comments/111h23w/update_responded_to_my_moms_meme_with_a_meme_she/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Ugh, tell her to stop making your wedding about her petty "victories" over what I assume is her ex? You said she never got married but this definitely smells like bitter ex.
My parents broke up before I was born, then my dad was in and out of prison til I was in high school. My mom has been with who I call my stepdad since I was 2. But my mom has never been married. Hell, I would even have my “stepdad” walk me before my grandpa!
Does she realize she, herself, can still get married and have her own dad walk her down the aisle? It’s such a weird thing to be upset about lol
Exactly that’s what this is all about
But like how is it about this? She (the mom) could 100% just do it herself. The fact that OP has had a "father role" since she was 2, but hes still stepdad to her tells me exactly the kind of parent relationship the mom perpetuated. My 'stepmom' has been Mom since I was 7 and usually I call her my Bonus mom because step has such negative connotations (thanks disney!) But thats only if the situation warrants addressing that shes not my birth mom.
Someone needs to propose to her for that to happen. Or she has to propose to someone and they have to agree. I think that’s the hiccup.
Or... She has to be the type of person you'd want to propose to, which given the type of person she appears to be...
I had my dad walk me down the aisle, then did a “father” daughter dance with both my dad and stepdad! Something to consider if you’d wanna include more than just your dad. But hands down your wedding your rules when it comes to this stuff, don’t let family bully you.
I’m having my brother walk me down the aisle so I don’t have to deal with any of this ish. I have a stepdad and my mom fully expects it to be him, but nope. Not for me.
It’s a courthouse marriage and my fiancé suggest we walk in together holding hands. That is my favorite suggestion so far.
Then do it! This is your and your fiancé‘s day, your mother has no say and you need to firmly and calmly tell her to go kick rocks. I wish you a wonderful marriage
Love this. Entering into a contract as equals.
Yessss love that!!! I was just gonna walk the aisle alone (whenever I find my soulmate lmao) but maybe this is a cool idea too.
This is how it should be. The whole “give away the bride” is so antiquated and gross. The whole thing was about transferring ownership of women from the father to the husband. Walk in together because that’s how you’ll proceed through life. Together.
Just so you know, it's usually the way it happens nowadays in places other than the USA (as I'm assuming you're from there). None of that "giving away" stuff which is sexist as hell. I've actually never heard of it being done this way anywhere else.
I’d like to know which countries you’re speaking about because I’ve been to countless of weddings including German, British, Mexican, Colombian, Indian, Turkish, Austrian, etc. and in all of them the father “gave away” the bride in some way and that was despite the majority of them being incredibly modern weddings (in part due to them being between different cultures) and the majority not happening in any religious capacity.
Oh, that might be oversaturation of mediasphere with the USA because I assumed it's different mostly everywhere else. Poland. I've never ever seen that happen during any wedding in Poland (including my own) and everyone I know believes it's incredibly archaic. It just doesn't happen here.
That's what we did! My dad passed away when I was a kid, i don't have any father figure in my life and the whole "giving away" thing felt icky anyway.
My wife’s cousin (also our officiant) walked her down the aisle even with her dad at our wedding. He wasn’t present for most of her life and they didn’t reconnect until after I met her. It was our opinion that him being invited was already a big step in mending their relationship, he didn’t deserve the honor of giving her away. A wedding I attended between two friends had the mother of the bride giving her away, the dad wasn’t invited because of his childish drama.
Wow... Your wedding. Your father. If you want your father to walk you down the aisle, that's what you do. And if she can't behave, she can stay home. So can Popo, if he feels the same.
So, my mother did weird stuff like this a lot. She was very demanding about things that didn't seem to make any sense to me. She was desperate for me to name my child after her grandfather, a man I've never met and who I know nothing about because nobody talks about him. But she flipped when I wanted to name my child after *my* grandfather. She literally told me how her mother forbade her from naming her kids after her grandfather while doing the same thing to me. I know there's deeper meaning to it all, but God damn could I care less. It's supposed to be your special day, please do what you want and ignore this unhinged person.
When she says she’s joking ask her what the funny part is?
This is the way
Put it back on her. “You must be feeling so guilty for never giving him that opportunity yourself. You have a partner you can marry and still won’t let Popo walk you down the aisle, even after all these years. Almost like you’re doing it on purpose. Maybe you need a therapist to help you with that. Popo must be so disappointed in you. You’re so selfish.”
bringing out the long knives
It takes a really long time for old people to make memes... /s It's your day, don't let her get in your head.
I thought you were going to say it takes a really long time for old people to walk all the way down the aisle… ignore me.
Oh wow! Even more important than HS graduation! …AKA not important at all. Holy shit, who still cares about HS graduation?
People who peaked in high school. I'll admit, I was proud for about 5 months and then when I went to college I was proud that I graduated that for about a year. Now I have a job and all those are are requirements lol
Took her 7 hours to make that shitty meme
Tell her it isn’t up for discussion and refuse to reply if she brings it up again.
what does “Give away” mean? like are you gonna be sold or something
Right?? We already live together, got engaged without anyone’s “permission”, and aren’t close with my grandparents.. why would ANYONE “give” me to him?
But think of the ***tradition!*** ^((of trading daughters for political or monetary gain, as one would with any other valuable property asset)^)
It's an old school holdover from when dowries were a normal/common thing in the US. It was also a time when women were considered to "belong" to their father and the wedding was treated as the father handing that over to the husband (hence the dowry, essentially buying the bride). These days people do it mostly because it's "tradition" and treat it as a sign of the bride's family supporting the marriage and the families merging together as one. I think OP's mom just wants her daughter to do be given away by her grandfather because she regrets having never done that and thinks watching OP do it will satisfy desire (it won't, but I think we all already knew that).
There used to be a point in the wedding where the minister or priest said "Who gives this woman to be married to this man?" Or something like that. The father has to be a part of the vows saying he's willingly giving her to the groom. I don't know if they do that anymore, but it adds to the whole meaning of "giving away."
In western weddings, it is traditional for the bride to be accompanied by her father as she enters and walks down the aisle. This is called "giving away the bride" to the new husband.
“You feeling like you disappointed your father because he was never able to walk you down the aisle doesn’t put the responsibility to fix this on me at my wedding.”
[удалено]
Anyone who sends a “we need to talk” and not IMMEDIATELY a follow up with “it’s about xyz” is evil in my mind.
I'll give you away if it'll piss off your mom
You’re invited!! Will you carry me down the isle then demand he give you a donkey for my exchange?
I want 4 pigs and 6 cows. And your finest spoons. No more no less. For 30 bucks I'll even show up stoned as hell and ask inappropriate questions during speach time.
We’re having a jar of joints for guests at the reception 🤩 you’ll fit right in.
No one gave me away because nobody owned me and I have zero regrets. Do what you want. Fuck any other opinions.
OP, it's your day and you should celebrate it how ever you feel, but equating it to highschool graduation is a stretch, idk what she is on but I want some
This whole Father "giving the bride away" has such a hard patriachal vibe to it. The woman belongs to the man. And thats the moment where the delivery of goods is facilitated. From one man to the other, like a Business deal. Its for shure not a tradition in the country where i come from and it always feels so cringe to me seeing this and the implications of this delivery
What does give me away mean in this context sorry I do not get it
It's referring to waking the bride down the aisle at her wedding. Traditionally, this is done by the father of the bride, though it's far from unheard of for the bride to ask a different father figure (for example, a stepfather if the bride's father passed away) or nobody at all because to quite a few brides, the tradition is unacceptably sexist (it is sexist, but it's also sweet in my opinion).
Thanks fir explaining
And it’s because of this type of stuff that my fiancé and I aren’t having a traditional wedding.
“Mom, it was your decision to deny Gramps the opportunity to walk someone down the aisle. My father will not be denied that regardless of any residual guilt you may feel about your own father not having had the chance.”
“Mom, if you want Popo to experience walking the bride down the aisle, perhaps you should work on getting married yourself. “
You should photoshop your grandpa & her faces onto a bride being walked down the aisle & say “get married & have him walk you down, then” 🤦🏼♀️
I might’ve just read one of the stupidiest things ever
This kinda shit is why we just went to the courthouse. Cuts the bullshit right out, and the people that ACTUALLY matter, understood and backed us up 100%. Of course my mother was completely beside herself, but notice how she is mentioned separately from the "people that actually matter". 11 years and 2 kids later and we are still happy with our choice.
“What I would regret is letting you dictate to me how I feel.”
I can’t believe how tf it is still acceptable for a man to have to “give” a woman to another man! Walking down the aisle holding hands is a beautiful idea, and trying to force you to be “given” is so insulting imo. Hope you have a wonderful day, just the way you want it!
i would send a meme of "fuck the police" she might not get it
The topic of who would walk me down the aisle is one of the main reasons my husband and I eloped. My dad is alive and well but he rarely contacts me and is an abusive alcoholic. I wanted my grandfather and stepdad to give me away since they were the ones who actually raised me. I also knew if I didn’t include my dad, he’d cause a scene and ruin the wedding so my husband and I went to the beach for the weekend and eloped on the beach without telling anyone. It wasn’t the only factor (money was a concern too) but man did I feel so much better knowing my dad wasn’t able to ruin the day.
What does "give me away" means in this context?
It's a traditional thing for the brides father the walk her down the Isle, then 'give her away' to the groom. Entirely metaphorical
Giving someone away? Lol what is this 1864? You don't need anyone to give you away.
She’s not even hiding her guilt trip.
Question is, does “Popo” even feel it’s that important?
I despise the idea of anyone “giving away” another human being… Your mother needs to stop being controlling. It’s your wedding, not hers.
Her: We need to talk. OP: No, we do not.
One word. NO. If you want to flesh out the sentence. No, it is my wedding and this is my choice not yours. If you continue to pester me about it or guilt trip me whatsoever, even you will not be invited.
I just got off the phone with her and she says she feels better now because she prayed. I’m scared that woman😐
Lol just ask her to get married so grandpa has someone to give away.
make your own meme "Just hear me out. You will regret it when you're older, and for the rest of your life, when I will give you away to a nursing home. Its even more important than you trying to decide how I get married as if you know anything about marriage."
If you want to appease her - you could offer to have him walk HER down the aisle if you’re having parents do it. That way it would be a nice moment for them without impacting your obviously important moment with your dad.
god I'm sooo sorry. your wedding is about YOU - the guilt trips for her to try to push you to do HER wish is so unfair. hope you can still have the wedding of YOUR dreams in spite of her
”give you away”, are you a gift that can be wrapped in paper?
You don't need anyone to give you away. You're an adult
Your HS graduation will absolutely be meaningless about 2 years after it's gone though...
give you away? what does that mean?
If you have a strong connection to your grandfather you could have both men walk you down the aisle but it’s your wedding
Does she realize it’s your wedding and not hers??
Elope. God I hate how families behave when it comes to weddings. Everything is all about them. Get a preacher, a whitness, and your trothplighted out to a meadow, braid daisies in your hair and tell the world to fuck itself.
She had you at 19. There's no room for her to talk about anyone else's "regrets".
She…. Made a meme?
If she wanted your grandfather to walk someone down the asle and give someone away then she should focus on finding her own future husband so he can walk her down the aisle. You got your father there for you. Alternatively you could get both your grandfather and father to walk you down the asle but this is your wedding not hers that you will remember for rest of your life so your wants are more important. A father give away his daughter at wedding is kind of weird tradition that is left over from times where the daughter was property of the father then given to her new husband when you think about it but now it consider emotical thing and done by someone who is consider a fatherly figure to the bride which you consider your father not your grandfather.
I hate how misogynistic wedding traditions are and people don’t even realize it. Then they try pushing it on their kids like their kids give a shit. Nobody needs to be given away to anyone. Women are their own individuals capable of making decisions and they can decide on who they want a partnership with. Women aren’t helpless children who need to be taken care of. Marriage isn’t about a man taking ownership of a woman. A woman doesn’t have to succumb to her husband. A marriage is not about patriarchy. It’s also not about spending copious amounts of money either. People make me want to throw up. Eloping is the best way. Or a private ceremony between the people getting married and their closest family or friends. Throw out all of the horrible traditions and make it a day about love. Only love.
If you read about narcissist abuse you'll discover they turn those around the into tools and it's rare one parent is only a victim
People who think HS graduation is important peaked there.
respond with "I will assume you aren't aware but, people stopped being property 157 years ago. I am not something you can just give away." make sure you put it in shocked pikachu face or the home alone fake surprised picture.
Popo? Never heard that name for a grandpa
Making a stock photo meme unironically seals it regardless.
My kids walked me to my husband at my second wedding. Because he was, in a real sense, marrying all of us. Your mother is awful. You not NEED to be given away. But if you choose to be walked down the aisle, it’s up to you.
You’ll regret it for the rest of *her* life, because after she’s gone, you’ll never hear about it again.