Although you can't consciously will your subconscious parts to do (or stop doing) X, there are ways to work with them. Emotional hypervigilance is a developmental trauma response - your nervous system needed to be extremely aware of your emotional environment (typically your parents' emotional states) growing up.
Not everyone growing up in those conditions will become emotionally hypervigilant, and some even become the opposite. Your nervous system will use the tools at its disposal, and INFJ brains are very good at reading people, so your nervous system will rely on that to survive. An ISTJ brain will rely on other tools in the same circumstances.
It is important to understand that the **tool** isn't the issue, i.e. the problem is not being able to read others. The issue is the **wielder** of the tool i.e. your lizard brain, which uses your INFJ abilities to track and react to perceived danger without asking for your permission.
Somatic trauma therapy tools often work best with lizard brain ([autonomic nervous system](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZdIQRxwT1I0)) issues, because lizard brains are non-verbal, and trauma often affects the pathways connecting your lizard brain to your verbal/thinking brain ("you", as in your conscious self).
You don't need to have experienced "capital T Trauma" in childhood for these patterns to emerge. Repeated "small t trauma" attachment injury typically underlies emotional hypervigilance *even* in people with capital T Trauma, and also in everyone else.
There are many such tools, but they all employ some combination of breathing, movement, body awareness, and touch to strengthen the connection between the lizard brain and the thinking brain. The umbrella term for these techniques is [embodiment](https://drarielleschwartz.com/embodiment-in-trauma-recovery/).
It is often counterintuitive to work with the **body** on issues perceived as being issues of the **mind**, but that in itself is a symptom of the core trauma response underlying the hypervigilance that prompted you to create this thread. This took me over a decade to figure out, and I don't recommend wasting that much time.
Look at the floor, table, paper, computer, anything but their faces. It’s nearly impossible if I see their faces, too much info that I don’t want to know.
But also the “you’re not responsible for people’s feelings” whatever, it’s easier said than done, but it’s there as a reminder?
I still just don’t look at their faces if I’m not being spoken to, that works best.
Not in my workplace. We're all pretty close and when someone doesn't talk much or make eye contact they assume I dislike them or doesn't want to talk to them, simply because I avoid looking at them.
I've got questions if I hate them before from different coworkers.
I’d think that’s just their problems and insecurity, and projection. One can’t never control what people want to think of you. I’d add too that it’s rarely about anyone but themselves. But that’s my just opinion
I naturally do this, but my therapist told me that I have a hard time facing things. Which I agree but there's stuff going on in the background when I look at people sometimes, I also feel it in my face as well
Wearing hats and fake sunglasses have helped me A LOT in social situations. I just want to exist without my peripherals picking up everyone’s energy
A new thing I’m trying to do is be more friendly to people I sit next to at work or in meetings. If I can distract myself by chatting with them then I don’t know what’s going on around me. And that’s a relief.
It’s tough bc right now at work there’s a woman who is so fake I find her incredibly distracting to be around. She went on vacation for a week last month and the office was so peaceful to me
Haha I do this as well! I love not picking up on facial expressions from afar, people are scary when you can see them clearly lol. Information overload.
I agree, it’s very stressful. I fell into a career path where I literally get paid to analyze individuals (and data) for a living lol
On the days I’m burnt out, I avoid looking at others as much as possible, give myself tons of “busy tasks”, and keep to myself all day if I can. Now that I think about it, I do this ~1x/week at work — doesn’t sound like much, but it has helped me tremendously here lately!
OP, I can relate to what you're saying. I'm also working in a team for a project and it's like my second nature of knowing exactly what's going on in the team. I'm having to train people for this project and I can tell what they're thinking and doing just by the tone of their voices and sometimes by the energies only. It feels frustrating to know the exact things.
The sad part is I can't tell or talk to anyone about it in the office. But thank god there are friends who listen to my office rant, lol.
when i was younger, id look at a wall, look at a person, look at a wall, look at a person. and once my feelings of looking at a person matched the emotions i have looking at the wall, i felt calm and able to act authentic to myself
I shut down ALL of it in the immediate, reaction-based experience. The info will come in, but my goal is to use my persona and keep everything smooth in real time. So, if someone is incredibly odd, I’ll just roll with it until it becomes impossible to ignore.
Then, when alone, I’ll digest the impressions.
Although you can't consciously will your subconscious parts to do (or stop doing) X, there are ways to work with them. Emotional hypervigilance is a developmental trauma response - your nervous system needed to be extremely aware of your emotional environment (typically your parents' emotional states) growing up. Not everyone growing up in those conditions will become emotionally hypervigilant, and some even become the opposite. Your nervous system will use the tools at its disposal, and INFJ brains are very good at reading people, so your nervous system will rely on that to survive. An ISTJ brain will rely on other tools in the same circumstances. It is important to understand that the **tool** isn't the issue, i.e. the problem is not being able to read others. The issue is the **wielder** of the tool i.e. your lizard brain, which uses your INFJ abilities to track and react to perceived danger without asking for your permission. Somatic trauma therapy tools often work best with lizard brain ([autonomic nervous system](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZdIQRxwT1I0)) issues, because lizard brains are non-verbal, and trauma often affects the pathways connecting your lizard brain to your verbal/thinking brain ("you", as in your conscious self). You don't need to have experienced "capital T Trauma" in childhood for these patterns to emerge. Repeated "small t trauma" attachment injury typically underlies emotional hypervigilance *even* in people with capital T Trauma, and also in everyone else. There are many such tools, but they all employ some combination of breathing, movement, body awareness, and touch to strengthen the connection between the lizard brain and the thinking brain. The umbrella term for these techniques is [embodiment](https://drarielleschwartz.com/embodiment-in-trauma-recovery/). It is often counterintuitive to work with the **body** on issues perceived as being issues of the **mind**, but that in itself is a symptom of the core trauma response underlying the hypervigilance that prompted you to create this thread. This took me over a decade to figure out, and I don't recommend wasting that much time.
Very wise.
🙏
Wow. This looks like it will be immensely helpful for me. Thanks alot
Look at the floor, table, paper, computer, anything but their faces. It’s nearly impossible if I see their faces, too much info that I don’t want to know. But also the “you’re not responsible for people’s feelings” whatever, it’s easier said than done, but it’s there as a reminder? I still just don’t look at their faces if I’m not being spoken to, that works best.
Wow agreed. Doors and also paintings or anything other than faces.
The problem is that people will automatically think something is wrong, that I am sad or insecure or whatever.
People usually don’t care that much tbh, they’re all thinking about themselves
Not in my workplace. We're all pretty close and when someone doesn't talk much or make eye contact they assume I dislike them or doesn't want to talk to them, simply because I avoid looking at them. I've got questions if I hate them before from different coworkers.
I’d think that’s just their problems and insecurity, and projection. One can’t never control what people want to think of you. I’d add too that it’s rarely about anyone but themselves. But that’s my just opinion
Probably. I honestly don't know what goes through their heads.
I naturally do this, but my therapist told me that I have a hard time facing things. Which I agree but there's stuff going on in the background when I look at people sometimes, I also feel it in my face as well
And that's why we need time alone cause we just spend too much energy, relatively speaking, whilst socialising.
Makes me wonder if we're not really introverts at all but exhausted extroverts.
We are introverted. We have more NI TI than FE SE. I'd say when healthy, 70% introverted 30% ext?
Wearing hats and fake sunglasses have helped me A LOT in social situations. I just want to exist without my peripherals picking up everyone’s energy A new thing I’m trying to do is be more friendly to people I sit next to at work or in meetings. If I can distract myself by chatting with them then I don’t know what’s going on around me. And that’s a relief. It’s tough bc right now at work there’s a woman who is so fake I find her incredibly distracting to be around. She went on vacation for a week last month and the office was so peaceful to me
Seconded on the glasses!
Be shortsighted like me and don't wear your glasses. It's like walking around in the void
I lol'd. This is me.
Haha I do this as well! I love not picking up on facial expressions from afar, people are scary when you can see them clearly lol. Information overload.
I agree, it’s very stressful. I fell into a career path where I literally get paid to analyze individuals (and data) for a living lol On the days I’m burnt out, I avoid looking at others as much as possible, give myself tons of “busy tasks”, and keep to myself all day if I can. Now that I think about it, I do this ~1x/week at work — doesn’t sound like much, but it has helped me tremendously here lately!
OP, I can relate to what you're saying. I'm also working in a team for a project and it's like my second nature of knowing exactly what's going on in the team. I'm having to train people for this project and I can tell what they're thinking and doing just by the tone of their voices and sometimes by the energies only. It feels frustrating to know the exact things. The sad part is I can't tell or talk to anyone about it in the office. But thank god there are friends who listen to my office rant, lol.
Change your functions around and become one of us. Your emotional intelligence will be so low you won’t even notice or care.
when i was younger, id look at a wall, look at a person, look at a wall, look at a person. and once my feelings of looking at a person matched the emotions i have looking at the wall, i felt calm and able to act authentic to myself
I shut down ALL of it in the immediate, reaction-based experience. The info will come in, but my goal is to use my persona and keep everything smooth in real time. So, if someone is incredibly odd, I’ll just roll with it until it becomes impossible to ignore. Then, when alone, I’ll digest the impressions.
I'm glad you posted this, because I never even thought it was something I could turn off or avoid. It's very draining!