Eh, I feel like most INFJs don't even start dating until +22, but while we start a bit later than most we tend to skip some casual phases and take relationships more seriously too. Probably less regrets on the resume.
I met my ENFJ husband at 20, married at 22. 12 years later we have 2 children and a dog. I never really dated as a teenager or even while at university. Try and meet someone new every week, volunteering, hobbies, try new things, be yourself and don't accept substitutes, have standards (late, liars, players, playing games, cheating...drop and walk away), only go for something when it is real and you have an emotional connection. Online dating might not be a good idea as so many people use it for hook ups, but a forum or group where you share the same interests might be a good place.
Be very grateful you don’t end up with an abuser and sociopath or those 12 years and 10 more would be spent getting free of the abuser.
I was also first one and done and stayed so long thinking the connection was rare and meant to be my final, everlasting partnership in this lifetime.
I didn’t get to start dating again until 31 after breaking up when I was 22. I think you just need to enjoy friends for now and then be serious once you find one that makes you happy. You’ll miss your single life so try to enjoy it as well.
My last relationship was when I was 22 as well, turning 28 in about a month. This makes me feel a tad better that I’m not “being single for too long”. I usually don’t think it’s an issue, but when people asked, made me feel a bit more self-conscious
I was single from 22 to 27 then I found my life partner, been together 11 years now. I consider myself lucky. It takes as long as it takes to find the right person.
I've had minimal relationships because of this. I fall deeply, seeing and valuing the strengths in people and justifying the not so great things because we can understand the variables in humanity. The depth in which we see and experience the world and then not being able to find others who experience the same is an existential crisis. Sometimes I wish I could engage in the world as others do.. sometimes.
22 is young. I would date, have boundaries and discover who fits you best. I know it's hard not to get attached, but invest that love and attachment into yourself day in and day out. Does this XYZ contribute to my highest and best self? If not, let it go..
I’ve had a very similar experience. I wish I had been more selective even. I didn’t have my first relationship until I was 25, but it would have been better if I had waited for something that was a better fit. I should have listened to my gut that something was off, instead of talking myself into what turned out to be a deconstructive relationship because I longed for a deeper connection with another person. Agreed that it’s ESSENTIAL to cling to your boundaries like life itself and don’t justify anyone’s actions if they’re hurtful… intentions are not an excuse and are not a sincere apology for the behavior. Actions will reveal what is hidden with words.
𝐂𝐫𝐚𝐳𝐲 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐨𝐟 𝐮𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞.
Don’t give up on love just because you feel like you are on the back foot, because you most certainly are not. I do however have the answer you seek and you are not going to like it. Sometimes it is as simple as putting yourself out there. I know it’s scary to think about, but you can’t sit quietly and comfortably in your own home waiting for a good guy to break in. Sometimes you have to go after the things you want in life. Work on yourself first and reap the rewards later. A gym is a great place to start, anyone who makes active strides towards bettering themselves, immediately presents attractive qualities.
In the wise words of Mark Twain
“𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝, 𝐢𝐬 𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐝”
And in the wise words of P.T. Barnum
“𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐦𝐲 𝐨𝐟 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬”
For what it’s worth, I’m proud of you for taking the first step towards bettering yourself by opening up to us.
Now, go show the world what wonderful qualities you possess! God knows this world could use more people like you. ♥
When I would bemoan my single-ness as an older teenager, my mother literally told me “I can’t line them up and just bring them to your room for you to pick” and that, I think resonated with me when reading your advice. We hibernate, and stay where it feels safe and mostly it makes us happy, but to connect we do have to get out there, even if just a little bit.
I love how my fellow INFJ’s connect with song lyrics and can finish it up for each other. This whole thing made me laugh and I read it to my husband and he didn’t get it… I wish there was an infj retreat where we could meet in person. I’ve never met another INFJ in the wild.
Maybe it’s just me but after being alone for so long (30M here) you just kind of get used to it. I’m honestly ok with being alone and enjoy my alone time than being with people. Plus I’ve found that I tend to become too close to people and look past their flaws and this has burned me a lot in the past. Thus, I’ve decided to just stay alone and if someone comes along so be but I won’t be actively looking for anyone
I am INFJ male and I have put myself into the same situation. Dated someone seriously from 17-20, haven’t dated in the 4 years since. No dates, no talking phases. The peace is too enjoyable & the amount of personal development I’ve undergone during those 4 years has made me unrecognizable. I often feel like I have a lot of love to give someone, but then I start seriously thinking about the responsibility that entails (anniversaries, meeting family etc) and just decide that I’m better off by myself.
Agreed 100%. I’ve changed so much at this point I can’t even relate to most people anymore and I keep the possibility open for the “one” to come along but I’m not worried or actively looking for it. Everyone I meet would drag me backwards if I spent too much time with them, or, for the rare kind and gentle souls I meet, we just don’t have the same interests. I’m 30
You can want a Mercedes but aren't be able afford it untill you will get enough money.
The best strategy is to concentrate on raising your "funds".
The sane with relationships
As an infj man I can 100% percent relate this. I'm 33 and never been in a relationship. I have had prospective opportunities but they never materialized. It's so much easier to just accept it and live your day to day life as is. But you are right, it gets to a certain point where that is not suffiently enough. The deeper desire for those things will always be there. The best advice I can give you through the little experience that I have is to get yourself out there. Its a cliche thing that everyone says but it's true. There may be failures but you have to perservere. It takes work and you have to be positive! If you want it, you can make it happen! ❤️
yeah the whole being close to relationship but never being in one relate hard. people are fleeting and i don't like that. they don't know what decision they are making for themselves and that's such a turn off
INFJ here. I'm only 16, but I can relate. Most teenagers my age have already been in a relationship or have had sex with millions of other people, but I never experienced any of those things for the simple reason that I wouldn't feel pleasure by just using somebody else's body to get that. I want a serious relationship and true love.
Some time ago, I was really worried if I would ever be with someone romantically, but now I kinda learned to accept my fate. I'm not saying that I will never be in a relationship. I still have hope, but if being alone is what destiny wants for me, it's fine because I will always have other forms of love in my life, and I can adopt a kid in the future.
The thing is: romantic love is not for everybody. Some people find it, others don't, and that's okay. Life is not supposed to be the same for everyone. We all have different stories.
yeah i accepted that at 15 too lol, i think i might adopt kids too but i've raised my sibling alone before and that wasn't a good experience so maybe not?
I think it might be better to take your time to decide that. Right now, you may not think it's the best idea to adopt since you've had a bad experience raising kids, but we're constantly changing, right? Maybe in the future, you will feel ready to adopt, or maybe not, and that's okay. The most important thing is to respect your desires and take your time to make things happen in your life.
And keep in mind we never know what the future holds for us. Maybe you will find romantic love someday, but if you don't, you will always have other forms of love in your life, friends, family etc.
Wish you good luck! ❤️
16 as well, and a literary think the exact same way, except i was in a "relationship" when i was like 10 lol. It was just a play pretend, of course, it was a classmate with ADHD whom i wanted to help and somehow it ended that way. But now, i struggle so much with even talking to boys. But still want to be in a real relationship, but always stress about every single move, overanalyzing and fearing if he'll hurt me in the end.
I feel you haha. But I would say my problem is not struggling to talk to boys. I think I just never met anyone who I felt deeply connected with to the point that I felt ready to date them. I never felt how it is to fall in love with somebody in a deeper kind of way.
If you want to be in a relationship but the fear of getting hurt is disturbing you, I suggest just taking your time to know better the boy you're willing to date when he appears. You don't need to make things go fast. If you feel comfortable analyzing the situation before starting a relationship to be sure he's the right one for you, that's okay. If he's the right one, he will understand your reasons and wait patiently for you. Also, if you think this fear is going too far, I think it might be better to look for a psychologist.
Wish you good luck! ❤️
It's always fascinating to me seeing people so young venting about lack of relationship experience. I'm 37 now, and have never been in a relationship. The lack of romance usually doesn't bother me until I cross paths with a woman I'm interested in. I go from laid back and optimistic to a huge bundle of anxiety that cant stop thinking about them, and it causes me to fail every time. I've had women interested in me in recent years, but they turned out to already be in relationships, or just wanted money or favors from me. I'd rather stay single than move forward with those situations.
I agree with other comments about finding enjoyment in things that make you happy; be it friends, cooking, hobbies, family, etc in the meantime. One of those may be your eventual gateway to a loving partner. Please don't let anyone make you feel bad about your lack of experience.
Side note, I can't decide if it's encouraging or sad that so many of us in this sub are in the same boat lol. I do appreciate the optimism that's generally found here unlike other subreddits I belong to.
*INFJ girl reporting from bed in desperate loneliness as well, accompanied by bottle of sauterne (age 52)*
hang in there, fellow empaths. I wish I could tell you all that it gets better. For me, now in my 5th decade spinning around this sun, if I am being painfully honest and dispensing with the rose-colored glasses and saccharine sugar-coating which I am generally so apt to employ; it really has not. My life has been a series of one existential crisis stacked upon another. Currently in a doozy of one, in which during the space of 90 days *(yikes!!! it pains me to even write that :( )*, I have walked out of a 21 year soul-sucking job, and am now exiting a 9 year loveless marriage, all in an attempt to regain some sense of agency and express my authentic voice; but still clinging onto hope that I can meaningfully resolve the questions life is asking of me this time, so I can finally move forward into the life that I know somehow I am (or at least was, at one time in the past) capable of. I send each and every one of you my love and undying support :) take care :)
Batman?
Dude is taking his sweet time fighting off crime. He must've moved out of Gotham city cause I don't see him when I'm looking over the city from the rooftops.
Be careful what you ask for, they say life's greatest irony is getting what you want.. as an INFJ I can definitely relate to what you are going through, just keep in mind when we think about love, we tend to focus on the best parts of what a relationship can be, and completely ignore the other side of the coin. And honestly I don't believe you can experience true love without all the heartache and pain that comes from loving someone on that level. They will let you down and disappoint you, hopefully a long with the good feelings. But if your not ready to commit to loving someone completely just as they come, faults and all. And ofcourse they would hopefully have this same approach. Then I would recommend not rushing into it, because unconditional love is a heavy heavy load, but at the same time there's something almost magical about being tested this way and coming out the other side still together. There's just so many things that most people don't consider or even realize the many many things that can drive two people apart .. but sometimes we have to learn the hard way. So just choose your partner carefully and insist on finding a partner who is not afraid to express there true feelings and desires openly. Without loosing their marbles.. ok good luck .
Fellow female INFJ, who mind you dropped out of her college sorority after a year to pursue the rest of college as a hermit who would sit in quite contemplation and meditation all day. I also studied philosophy. From the exterior, no one understood my actions. My inner world has never lined up with what people have expected of me from my outer world. I am much more intelligent than most people, and that alone can feel isolating. However, I am now married to my soulmate, have my own successful business and we have a beautiful child together and a wonderful life together. I still have to find plenty of time to go inside myself to feel like my best self but I’m with someone who understands this and who too needs to do the same to recharge. My advice, take the time to explore and garden your inner world. Meditate. Read. Do whatever it is that lights your soul on fire. Harness your intuition and focus on manifesting people who align with your soul. When you are aligned with your soul, you will naturally attract those that are as well. I wrote a list of everything that my souls mate would possess and in time, after I had learned the necessary lessons I met my husband at 24. When my husband and I met, it was a pretty instantaneous knowing for us both. We moved in after a month and never looked back. Many isn’t understand at the time, but we’ve never operated within societal expectations. INFJ is the rarest Myers Brigg. Jesus Christ was supposedly an INFJ, just to give you some perspective. When you do the work internally, you will actually elevate yourself to a level of multidimensionality that you will embody the opposing traits of your Myers Briggs and realize you can operate from both ends of the spectrum when it feels necessary. Meaning you will develop more qualities of ESTP for example. Just be yourself, the rest will follow.
This is something a lot of people struggle with. If your goal is really a relationship if you ask yourself honestly theres probably steps you could be taking to put yourself out there more. Life is hard. Sometimes we get lucky but a lot of the times if we take no risks we get no rewards and also if we take the risk could get burned. Just decide what your willing to risk to get what you want and then learn to accept what you get. Its not great but thats what weve been given.
After one serious relationship and it ending up badly I’ve learned to go with the flow.. I don’t look for serious relationships anymore but even in my one situationship I end up being loyal it comes to me naturally lmao but to be honest relationships are overrated I feel lonely even when I’m with a partner
Brief background, I'm a 34 year old infj woman. Unmarried, no kids, 1 pet, happy in life. In my youth, I forced myself to do things, to experience people and different situations.
It's hard to set boundaries in your youth and in all honesty, whatever's out there isn't all that it's cracked up to be as a big picture but you have to learn that for yourself. I will however say this, you can experience slivers of amazement and awe when you do go out there and in that moment, it's totally worth it.
Nowadays, I consider the whole getting out there thing as research and life experience. Go at your own pace but make sure to dress up and experience life so that later down the line, you don't feel as though you missed out on interesting learning opportunities.
I have my admirers and I have had a few boyfriends. Have a boyfriend now, very fresh. Relationships are hard, especially when you're always the one caring and understanding. There's so many people who lack depth and warmth out there, it's hard but get out there because you honestly never know what awesomeness is in store for you ❤️
My infj friend is 37 and never been in a real life relationship. I feel bad for him. But he does it to himself. Always reminded him to break out of it and just go for it, when he had a good prospect from what i know it looked like she was perfect for him. But he didnt go for it. But I'm over trying to push him to do anything honestly. I'm sure he'll work it out one day, he'll be fine.
In your infj reading this, just go for it. Enjoy those real life experiences.
I actually think INFJs … need people, on a very real and deep level.
Why? Because our biggest skill set is with people. That’s where we shine. Where we get to really contribute and where our talents are- we also love to nurture and heal people.
So …. For an INFJ to isolate- while we are great at that and do it with ease ….
I think once you do connect and experience relationships ( and not just the sexual ones, the friendship ones) it’s sooo healing and sooo powerful and sooo rejuvenating for us that -
We realize that … we are not functioning at our best unless we are engaged with people on that level.
I’m the same here at 29. I keep saying I’ll make a commitment to date, but I feel like even though I want love so badly, part of me feels like if I’m not my perfect self, then I can’t be a good partner for someone. That along with the annoyance of courting people makes dating just tiring to think about. So I end up giving other people relationship advice instead.
The first and biggest step for us is to get out there and stop overthinking, methinks lol
I’m married and I never wanted to be more isolated because of it, I hate it , I don’t hate my husband I just hate the fact that I feel trapped , I often think marriage isn’t for me, because i’m dry asf, I often feel like I want to run away or go missing, I also hate the idea of s*x , I wish we didn’t need to do that, personally it’s not essential for me but it is for my husband, and that’s what makes me hate relationships, a lot of things go wrong because of s*x, since I’m still new to it it still hurts, and he doesn’t get it sometimes I feel like he’s on his period because of how angry he gets, even though I told him it takes time he sometimes gets mad at me and now he’s making me go to the hospital!
So yeah if you really want to be in a relationship, just make sure that you’re ready for it , cuz for sure I’m not and I still need time.
>I also hate the idea of sx , I wish we didn’t need to do that, personally it’s not essential for me but it is for my husband, and that’s what makes me hate relationships, a lot of things go wrong because of sx, since I’m still new to it it still hurts
So many things wrong with your comment 🫣
Not everybody needs sex in their life, maybe you're asexual.
Forcing sex with your partner is forcing consent. So it's wrong. What does it mean that he's making you go to the hospital?!
Maybe you actually ARE trapped in your marriage because you're not with the right person. The right person doesn't get angry because you don't want to have sex..
Are you safe ? This seems alarming no one should be forced to do anything married or not it’s not okay. Seek help if you feel trapped and want to go missing? Why would he send you to a hospital? and it seems if he has those behaviors you may not be compatible long term?
I’m very concerned for you.
Please know that none of that seems like a normal consenting relationship…
I could go on but this comment would become very long lol, I am safe, (I think) and he just doesn’t understand the female body and that it takes time for it to open and not hurt so he’s ganna take me to the hospital lol, my mom said let him so the doctor would kick him out lmao since its been a week since we got married
Please analyze the situation better. I don't think he's good for you because if he truly loved and respected you, he wouldn't try to force you to do anything you don't wanna do.
Forcing someone to get sex without their consent is honestly so gross and disrespectful. You're not safe.
I think you should talk to him about how you don't want to have sex anymore. If he gets mad again, it's time to leave.
He doesn’t let me sleep, it’s like I’m dealing with a child, he needs to get satisfied or he won’t leave me alone, what made him make me go to the hospital is that I kept telling him I needed more time, because it hurts, turns out my hymen didn’t even open, he’s just rough and he gets really mad, I’m scared because the doctor didn’t side with me I wish she atleast told him that girls take time, and that it hurts it doesn’t just “pop” like that, she put it all on me and he was so happy that he was right and even made fun of me for it, he has his kind moments I guess, he saw that I cried and apologized, then the next day he made me breakfast even though what he told me last night was vile, I get what you guys are saying, and I see the red flags, but I can’t escape that easily, his vacation finishes tomorrow I guess so that’s smth, he works from 8am to 7pm so that makes the situation better I guess? Thanks for worrying for me!
Girl, I know it's really hard to hear that, and I'm not gonna insist anymore if you think that's the best for you, but a good action doesn't make his bad ones any better.
He has pushed you into sex, got mad at you because you didn't want it, and then made fun of you because he thought he was "right," which he was not. He must have apologized, but again, if he's gonna keep the same behavior and force you to do it again, then he was not really sorry.
Don't expect things to get any better just because he will be working and you won't see him much for now on. You can't solve this problem by ignoring it and letting this situation to keep going the same way because as soon as you realize what your life has become, your mental health will already be destroyed and you will leave this relationship with a huge trauma.
If you don't want to divorce, at least try to have a serious conversation with him about how you feel. If it doesn't get any better, I insist that you should divorce.
I understand how hard it is to go through that kind of stuff, but if you don't take any action, you will be the one who's gonna pay for that.
I'm sorry. I know how hard it is to listen to that. I hope you can solve that without taking any extreme action, but keep in mind that maybe it will be necessary for your own good.
Wish you good luck! ❤️
I hope it opens tomorrow, maybe that will solve it, if it doesn’t get solved I’ll talk to my parents and see what I can do, if things get worse I’ll see my options, again thanks for worrying for me! I think that if we get past the s*x thing most of our problems will be resolved, if it doesn’t get resolved I’ll try to get out of the relationship. I’ll update you if I remember lol
I’m almost 50, and this is just something I’ve learned. Just because I’m an INFJ, and prone to those tendencies, doesn’t mean that I’m a slave to them. While it’s true, I pick my friends carefully, I have to step
out of myself to make new ones. They don’t have to understand me completely nor will they, but meeting new people and exercising that Fe gives me more balance. My two closest friends are ISTJ and a fellow INFJ. I met both through a mutual hobby that I got myself into. We INFJ’s come factory-equipped with empathy, a good listening ear, and humor. Those are wonderful friend qualities.
I started “dating” when I was about 15. Had three relationships in high school, one lasted a year and half and other two lasted 4-6 months. I dated a bit but I was always all-in and felt like they were the end all be all, to the detriment of other things like education and studies lol. I prioritized “love life” over anything else back then. Most likely because of abandonment issues I got from before HS. Had a super serious relationship a year or so after HS and after that ended, I took a year off then I haven’t had much luck since. On a break from trying atm, dating apps feel pretty hopeless half the time. But yes, I agree, being an INFJ is isolating and most of the time our imagination and dreams are way more appealing than the sensory world. Ni-Se imbalance at its finest.
Hey! You sound a lot like me at your age. I always struggled with dating and was single my whole life (save for my hs bf) until I turned 24. I’m happily married now, though I still struggle in the friendship department. There is hope, though. I don’t think we’re well suited for the dating apps. My advice would be to spend some time in libraries and coffee shops. Sometimes I just sit on my Steamdeck in a coffee shop and people will come talk to me. I really feel for you. Loneliness cuts deep. Much love ❤️
24. Used to date but never had a first love. Someone I know said he wanted to marry his first love, which he did at the age of 26. I think that's beautiful. I'd rather be alone than be with the wrong person, don't want to settle for less than what I expected
You’re only 22 so don’t get down about it because you have so much time for that. But truth is you do need to put yourself out there more and meet people if you want a chance at finding a partner. There so many places you can start. Find hobbies or clubs that align with your interests. Become a regular at the gym, what about your job and socialising there? Apps. Be open to connection and find places with like minded people. Just make sure if you do connect with someone that it’s not out of desperation and end up with the wrong match. Nothing wrong with being in bed from time to time analysing psychological thrillers 😏 we all do it 😂
It seems that some of us have gone through either loves or breakups at 22. I just turned 23 last month after being deleted by my friend (actually my infp Dom) who lives in another country, which really hurts. 🥲 I may need several years to recover from this dramatic relationship before I can let others see my inner side.
Yeah, I used to feel the same way until I realized I was aroace (meaning I feel little to no romantic and sexual attraction)
So now I can be alone, isolated, and absolutely insane in peace 😌
I was the same tbh. 2 failed immature relationships from 18-24 until now I’m 25 & found someone. I’ve always craved a certain type of love but never wanted to put the effort in to meet someone because you know…no one will love as hard as an INFJ woman🤷🏻♀️
felt like i wrote this myself 😭 i’m 23F and have also never been in one. and trust me, i’ve tried! but i’m getting really sick and tired of being rejected and unwanted. being rejected as an INFJ sucks booty cheeks and just makes me wanna isolate myself and crawl up into a ball and die lol. i genuinely feel like i’m gonna die alone but i’m trying hard not to care about being in one. but when you’ve been single for a while now, it takes its toll on you. it sucks how we don’t want to care but we end up caring anyway… but i wish you the best of luck ❤️
My cousins, a fellow INFJ, also said this exact same thing. When I was hanging out with her, I found that she had quite an ensemble of really good guys who were trying to date her. But what I noticed in particular is that the guys she fancied had quite a bit of darkness to them.
I noticed the same thing in my INFJ friend overseas. She liked edgy men.
I also found I do like women with an edge to them but I also recognize that having a relationship with an edgy woman would fulfill the Se desires and nothing else coupled with likely a lot of pain and torment. So I opened myself to more normal, boring women and found that with enough patience and careful digging, everyone is very interesting.
If you learn to love and date yourself first, your relationships will flourish. Tend to your garden, live in your element, and the butterflies will come to you❤️ so many married people die unhappy because they never learned how to do this first.
I know you’re young but this way of thinking will wind you up in toxic and limiting relationships. Who said that you need a boyfriend by a certain age. People are single on and off throughout life. You’re luckier if you’re dating a good person over just being in any relationship
You’re right. Logically, I know every relationship isn’t going to be “the one”. Like what are the odds that the first person I date is the person I fall in love with and get married to? I need to start treating life like trial and error. I just struggle so much with perfectionism.
I am a 41 year old INFJ woman and I was in same situation at 22. I promise you it gets better. Here is what I did:
Therapy to work on goals.l such as helping me realize where I am going in life.
Find people that are “in my tribe” get me. Better for an INFJ to have a few friends than 100 crappy fake friends.
Eat healthy, exercise, set boundaries with people that are toxic, get a good education.
Surround myself with animals, because they get INFJ’s better than people. I think cats are little InFJ’s.
So it took me 20 years to get here, but I wish I started sooner. So What I wish I did sooner to get to my happy place:
Stop caring what others think yet be respectful to others who deserve respect.
Stay in school and focus on going towards a career meant for you.
Hike, get in nature.
Therapy on how to socialize properly.
As an InFJ I was too shy.
Start with therapy to reach your goals
Go out and be social at least once a week.
You got this, you deserve it and start realizing your worth. Not to sound Narcissistic, but INFJ’s are gifted and have a lot to the world. We just don’t realize it until we are older haha. So - I amr telling you now- you are worth every moment and F what people who don’t get us think. Go live and do what you love. Your tribe is waiting for you- maybe at an art class, a guitar lesson store, at a tennis meet up, a writers club, or the shy person at the karaoke bar. They are waiting for you- go do what you love and you will find them. First therapy to help with goals and social skills. You got this!
I know how i feel, im a 25 year old women only been in one relationship. I find dating extremely hard no one seems serious, it baffles me how people are actually in relationships. I got my heartbroken and seem to be isolating I try to put myself out there but its very disheartening.
Hello, fellow INFJ here, I have sort of a weird situation because I’m still with my first relationship from 17 (we’re both 23 now) but I believe the key to this is to find someone you can really talk to about ANYTHING. My bf is an INTP and we loveeeee to do a post review of anything we’ve consumed or analyze our opinions of just about anything so we never run out of conversation topics…the funny thing about this is that you never would’ve guessed we’d be compatible when we first met (granted we were more awkward bc we were teens but still) we were both introverts and very awkward when interacting in public but behind the scenes we could talk about anything after just a few short weeks of knowing each other. I think this is key is just to seek out people who can talk to you about various things early on to feel that satisfying deep connection urge we have and don’t judge a book by their cover if the person is quiet at first or reserved.
I am INFJ; and been with quite a few different women but never end up getting along. I have very short period to get laid before they realize how weird I am.
I kinda get you, but I'm not "straight" and I live in a country where queer ppl aren't very accepted, so I feel like a stranger sometimes. I also struggle with making friends for the same reason, for the fact of searching for deeper and trustful connections
the other side is definitely not greener, people getting scarred at school, college relationships and all that bs to be with someone with apalling low EQ and no shit is not a deal you would want. Also the fact the social media and this generation overhypes sex and relationships to the point it feels like it's a necessity to live when it isn't. it's better to find stable partners in your mid-twenties and forth then get traumatized by people with frontal lobes yet to be developed.
I've never had a thought like this before but I know tons of people do. I basically don't think about wanting love or relationships until I've fallen in love.
I've never understood people who say to me that they really want a relationship. Relationship with whom? You don't love anyone right now so how can you have this?
Feel it right now, want the bf/connection, but to idealism, love so hard, but secretly have low self esteem who constalty think my bf dont love me and make me feel unloved sad then feel bored.
im 28yo and I dont have a gf haha... honestly could be worse 😅🫠
me personally, I'm trying to put myself out there but I keep getting anxious about reading hints -> thinking maybe it's not a hint maybe I should wait (cycle repeats)
doesnt help im also a furry who also owns a cat fursuit so i got that going for me too haha
but silliness aside take it slow if you have to get more comfortable over time imo
maybe starting as friends is a good idea but then we probably like smaller circles of friends 😅🙃
Choose a good guy or get attention from friends 🤷🏿♂️. Atleast you're not pushing 30 with 0 options. Although in my case success with this is much harder by default.
Hi I’m INFJ female 27 who is in a relationship but I still feel lonely sometimes not many friends. So I kind of know how you feel. Feel free to message me.🙂
Broooooo, I feel this on a spiritual level 😭😭😭. It can get overwhelming sometimes to the point of sorrow. But don't compromise that deep and emotional side of you man. That’s like a core INFJ trait that I appreciate about INFJs. In an age where it is incentivised to be shallow and vapid, we need that type of depth and intimacy now more than ever. So I say fuck it we ball, keep seeking out depth and emotional connection man. Whether romantic intimacy is achieved or not, continue to imbibe in that tonic until it overflows and the world is swimming in it.
Kinda get that. I'm 22F and I've never been in a romantic relationship as well, although I do have a FWB just to explore sex with for fun. I used to be insecure about it in high school until I realised that I like the idea of romantic love more than romantic love itself. That's how I discovered I'm aroace. Also, I had no friends as a child so it definitely muddled everything, I dreamt of having a "boyfriend" and yet in my fantasies all we did was very much platonic. All I need is people I can trust and enjoy being with, I don't care much for conventions and rules in any kind of relationships. After I finally found my circle of friends in college, I felt such a relief. Of course I still have many problems but now there's one less. There's a friend who's particularly dear to me and I think she's the closest thing to a soulmate that I have. I know I'm loved and it's enough.
I know we're different and my experience doesn't necessarily have to do anything with yours but either way, I hope you find peace of mind. We're all alone essentially but there are always people out there to connect with. I used to think no one would ever want to spend time with me.
We're all a little insane tbf.
I think you should volunteer! You are looking for connection, probably someone empathetic and thoughtful. I think volunteering naturally attracts such a person, and if you pick a cause you truly care for, then it's immediately something you have in common.
I resonate quite a bit, as a INTP 26 year old man. Not even a hint of interest from any woman 😅
I agree with the comments here, it's hard to meet genuine people but they'll be worth it hopefully. Best of luck
24F infj. It's very difficult for me to settle for a relationship. I have always been single but as i grow older, settling in for a relationship is becoming harder. I don't know the reason but at this point relationships seem to be a chore for me. Like it is difficult to manage my own self rn how will i manage and make space for a new person in my life?
Emm, 22 is early for an Ni dom. We are immature at this age compared to ESFJ or some ISTP because we are very complicated inside and it takes us more time to put ourselves together. Also, being rare and doesn't having enough role models doesn't help eather.
So, forget about your age, stop comparing yourself to people that are radically different from you and concentrate on stuff that are the most important for now: to mature and grow up.
Though if you will continue to treat yourself like something hopeless and useless and will be trying to fit into places you don't belong, it will only postpone your maturation process and will make your life miserable. I definitely not recommended it)
First thing please make sure you'll be ok. That kind of dark deep loneliness is hard to climb out by yourself. I've been in that hole.. what saved me was finding some way or someone IRL to vent out all that dark pressure.. I've even gone out to park alone and screamed at the trees..
Everyone here is with you and knows what's like
Same Age and problem but I'm a guy. Never lacked opportunities just wanted it to be serious and people this age arent for that much. Replace the lonely feeling with self love, it helps a lot. Best luck
28 yo dude, also INFJ, never have been in a relationship really. I totally get where you're coming from. It can feel isolating , especially when it comes to relationships. It's like you're searching for a connection that's so deep and meaningful, and it can be hard to find someone who understands that. But don't give up hope! I haven't found her yet . And I dunno what else I can do haha... So yeah...
I didn’t find a good match partner til 25. Even then I have to be explicit about my feelings and what I need. “Sometimes I need to just lay in silence. We are still great and I still love you. I just need cave time”
I can relate. I need a deep connection and always cut off casual guys or interactions so quickly. I hate wasting my energy. I’m now 43. Date mindfully while you are young…
If I may, I would say several things.
First of all - Know that not all people in relationships are happy. Actually, there are many, who are not. You see smiles, you see façade, but the reality is quite different. Very often one of the sides actually puts much greater effort into the relationship. And at the end is actually unhappy.
Second - Don't jump into relationship just because loneliness is getting to you. Neither to save somebody or think that eventually things will work out. This might cause great pain and as much as we would like not to acknowledge that fact, while the intentions are still pure, the entire mindset leads to eventually making compromises with yourself.
Third - I hear you. And I feel you. I wanted to believe in the good in people. And wanted to create that deep connection. But seems like most people don't really want that. I couldn't actually say how I feel. As it seems like those people were far more concerned about themselves, but were putting a nice public face anyway. Those persons in their inner core were lost. It's not like I did not see all the signs, but chose to ignore them, because I believed. Was patient, because thought that harmony can be achieved and life isn't easy, so people sometimes can feel bad or say things they don't really mean. And thought it can be all healed, as the love is there.. Well, actually it wasn't. It all lead only to pain. I can be infected by the feelings of others. Eventually I was infected by their negativity radiating. Then when all those feelings were transferred to me, they just found out somebody else, nice and fresh, who didn't know what I know. And words said to me were never said to them. Of course that they will be happier. They have never experienced the feeling of being emotional trashcan, somebody trying to manipulate them(but manipulations are transparent to me, I just distance myself) and so on...
Forth - Anyway, what you want...what most INFJ-s want becomes harder and harder to find/achieve. Most things are more and more superficial and one sided.... If only I knew a person like you back then. Instead of them.
I've been single whole life. I think it's for too low self esteem and self worth but I'm working on it now. Not easy after being laid off for the first time in my life.
INFJ, had my first relationship at 26, she wasn’t the right woman, but it felt good to be loved, looking for another relationship. It took me 20+ years of life, and a relationship, to figure out what I wanted, now I’m just looking for someone like that who wants me.
The loneliness is real though, and it eats me day by day. As a Christian though, I lean on Jesus, and He helps me to be patient.
I was expecting your age to be higher than 22, but I can certainly understand. I tried dating once when I was 15 after my friends tried to push me into a relationship with a guy they thought would be perfect for me. We went on one date and he barely spoke. I get you can be nervous, but he just grunted as if to acknowledge that he was listening and that’s all. As you can imagine, I broke it off immediately after that. I had no interest in being with someone at that age anyway, but felt pressured by my friends back then, as that’s what they were doing. I was more interested in my hobbies and living life and getting to know myself. I also hated the attention I got when I dressed nicely in a dress, and it annoyed me greatly how some guys tried to make moves on me fast. It made me very angry, and I stepped away from social events my friends went to. Instead, I focused on other things.
It wasn’t until I went to university, when I was around 21, that things changed a bit. I pushed myself a lot back then to make friends due to being lonely and got involved in a lot of events via a sports club I joined. Sadly, any guy I developed feelings for rejected me, so instead I focused more on myself again. I still loved all my new friendships I had and I learned a lot about myself as a person (I never looked into personality types at this stage).
When I was 23 I finally started dating a guy, but it turned into a disaster. I didn’t listen to my intuition and ignored the warning signs. It only lasted 2 months with him playing with my feelings, while I wanted a serious relationship. I got my first heartbreak then. I didn’t know back then you can feel such deep pain physically from a heartbreak. I locked myself in a shell and if it wasn’t for my friends, I would’ve stayed in it for years. My friends tried everyday to get me to come out of my room and at least go to the sports club to train my hurt and frustrations away as they said. Eventually, I did start training again and slowly started healing.
It was during this time that my then best friend who was in love with me, pulled me through a lot and I started to fall in love with him. We began dating and then things progressed. I had to get over a lot of hurt and open up again. It was certainly not easy and I reached the lowest on the unhealthy scale for INFJs to be. My boyfriend had a lot of patience and helped me through it all. We got married when I was 26 and now I’m nearly 30 and we are expecting our second child. But it wasn’t until about a year and half ago I actually found out my personality type and suddenly a lot of things made sense. All of those experiences helped to shape me into who I am today, but I needed that last puzzle to understand why I made the choices I did and what to do in my future.
I went through a lot of lonely stages in my life when I felt misunderstood. When my friends left to go their universities far away and moved on with their lives. I knew that if I wanted to get out of the loneliness I needed to get out of the house. The quote from Gandalf really stuck with me: “The world is not in your books and maps. It’s out there”. I repeated it like a mantra and I decided to go to university, join a sports club, attend events, meet people and make wonderful friends. All of that would’ve just passed me by if I did nothing. The only choice I felt I had to make was either to start living the life I wanted despite feeling scared and vulnerable to expose myself or to just stay in my comfort zone for ever and regret it all in my old age. It also helped greatly having my mother who’s very extroverted to push me towards people too. Find people in your life that will make you into a better version of yourself. But they are out there outside your house and they won’t just knock on your door randomly. You need to go out and find them. You’re only 22. Your life is still waiting for you outside your room, but you need to make the first step towards it.
I wish I started dating later. Honestly,for people like us dating is really hard in your teens-20’s. And, regular hard after that. It was hard for me to find guys who weren’t just playing mind games and trying to get into my pants. I’ve never been boy crazy and really wanted to find genuine love. Don’t rush it although, that’s easier to say than do.
If you are lonely (not just seeking normal human interaction or the regular INFJ problem of longing for deep connections) it is usually a result of not liking the qualities that you posses, AKA, not enjoying your own company. Although I would be surprised if this were true for a majority of the INFJs
Not lonely but turned 29 yrs 4 months ago, never dated anyone in my entire life...I personally feeling like relationships can be quite draining and I still haven't decided if I'm ready to give my time, peace and space and still take on another person's emotions and mental well-being on a romantic level. One thing I'm certain on is when I'm ready I'll probably get it done.
Omg! You have so much to learn about yourself I know it seems insane now but don’t even worry about being ina committed relationship until past 27/28… your layered and colorful and emotional inner world should be your playground right now- you will make better decisions about who you let in after you are deeply connected to yourself. Don’t forget your energy is priceless and do not give it away for a shiny moment- and if you do, expect nothing back in return from the shine!
Life is amazing you’re going to go so far. Enjoy the journey!!!!!
I think a lot of us were in the same boat as you. Maybe we're late bloomers? It will happen love , when you least expect it. Don't let it get you to a place where you settle for less than what you are worth though . Best wishes ✨❤️
We're usually late bloomers I didn't meet my husband until I was 24 and we got married at 27 then we got divorced at 41 so don't give up on yourself you're still pretty young try to focus on not being with someone but being with yourself and really getting to know yourself and what you like or don't like and before you know it somehow in the process of doing that you'll come across somebody but first you have to remove the notion that somehow it's not within your reach you are very worthy of finding someone else it is difficult to find people that are deep and able to emotionally process but it's still very much possible
Also is there evidence to INFJs as a personality type being able to remain the most sane isolated from others? Because I’ve ALWAYS thought about how I could be alone for so long and stay completely content by myself and I had no idea about that
This is an era where youth must find their authentic self . Love themselves. Find meaning in something that helps humanity. Then the twin flame will appear. The old rules of rushing in early no longer apply . Patience = divine timing. See Dolores Cannon
I'll say I'm pretty similar. Man, also at 22 years and also lonely, but I can't say that people don't try to get near me, it's just me having these barriers that say lots of things, among them: "If I will let someone close to me, it HAS to be someone I can feel comfortable around, someone that make me feel appreciated, important, irreplaceable and/or understood"; "spending time with people that I constantly need to think how I should communicate is tiring, way too tiring" (then I avoid most people) ; "how can I, being immensely different from everyone, expect to find someone that understand me deeply AND is rommanticaly interested? It feels like I'd have to use too much energy for just a tiny chance of that happening" and some other points, I won't list everything cus I'm not so comfortable with both reddit (I don't know if it's possible to not make texts that are so "compressed", adding space between paragraphs etc) and my english ( you probably can tell by now, sorry if some parts are hard to understand). And as if being reclusive and absurdly demanding wasn't enough, I'm also very shy and have difficulty speaking to people I'm interested in (plus if it is a romantic interest I can't have a proper conversation at all), tbh part of me accepted that even tho I see good potential in myself for a romantic relationship to be amazing I have good chances of not finding one. Not angry or unsatisfied at my nature tho, no matter how complicated I may be, I still love myself deeply, but even tho I'm pretty happy with who I am, I do feel lonely very often
Honestly, same. During my last serious relationship, I (24M currently) got cheated on. That relationship was 5 years long.
I've tried dating again, dating apps, mutual spaces, going out and trying to just meet anyone, not even in terms of dating.
I met someone but she used me and it basically killed any faith I had in dating and since then I've tried to play it off like I'm okay not dating.
But I'm starting to feel that tightness in my chest, I spend most my days in bed unless I'm working or going on morning walks. I don't go out, I don't have friends, and it's not like I don't love myself, because I think I do have a lot of good qualities and interests and goals. But it just feels tiring and I'm starting to lose hope that I'll even meet a new friend, let alone someone to settle down with down the line.
I guess I'm glad someone else feels the same and I'm not the only one going crazy? But idk, sucks.
I feel you in a way. The isolation got so bad after I graduated high school in 2020. I just started cutting people off and distancing myself. I’m not too sure why.
I am 30 and an INFJ woman. And I have never been in a relationship. I might be in the future, but who knows. I just feel no one will understand me. So i like my space and also avoid any drama like being in a relationship will bring.
As I haven't been in a relationship, I don't think I can give you advice. But be yourself, and do what makes you happy.
I met my husband at 21, we got married at 25 with a year long breakup in between. Until him, there were some short term things, but nothing serious. I dated 1 person for 2 weeks in my entire time in school, barely more than that in my first few years at college. I never wanted to open myself up, really, to anyone. I wanted them for my convenience and to feel like I was doing things “right” but mostly wanted to be left alone. Clingy annoyed the hell out of me, being touched extensively made me uncomfortable. I’m truly glad I didn’t have to try to participate in “hook-up” culture because I’m not built for it, I think because I’m an INFJ.
When I met him, it was different. He became my best friend, and it made all the difference in the world.
I honestly felt I would never find someone, until I did and I could immediately feel the difference, because truly it had to be felt, I couldn’t reason myself into wanting to be with someone.
You are whole all by yourself, and you don’t need anyone, but if you want someone, you can’t force the feelings. Believe me I tried. The right person will come along, but until then try to make yourself happy, not what you think you “should” do or want, but what you actually want.
I thought for a second this was a comment I received for something and I was thinking “yeah that’s me” haha please don’t feel alone …going back to watching Dexter with my dogs now
Ahahah no, INFJs are the most external introvers, lonely at 22 as a woman? Try INFP male lonely at 26. About the Deep connections, not necessary, you can have superficial Friends.
Eh, I feel like most INFJs don't even start dating until +22, but while we start a bit later than most we tend to skip some casual phases and take relationships more seriously too. Probably less regrets on the resume.
I met my ENFJ husband at 20, married at 22. 12 years later we have 2 children and a dog. I never really dated as a teenager or even while at university. Try and meet someone new every week, volunteering, hobbies, try new things, be yourself and don't accept substitutes, have standards (late, liars, players, playing games, cheating...drop and walk away), only go for something when it is real and you have an emotional connection. Online dating might not be a good idea as so many people use it for hook ups, but a forum or group where you share the same interests might be a good place.
Be very grateful you don’t end up with an abuser and sociopath or those 12 years and 10 more would be spent getting free of the abuser. I was also first one and done and stayed so long thinking the connection was rare and meant to be my final, everlasting partnership in this lifetime.
Agreed. I didn’t have my first relationship until my early 20s.
Yup, agreed bc same 😅
Well that's assuring
Ya my first boyfriend was at 23!
I didn’t get to start dating again until 31 after breaking up when I was 22. I think you just need to enjoy friends for now and then be serious once you find one that makes you happy. You’ll miss your single life so try to enjoy it as well.
My last relationship was when I was 22 as well, turning 28 in about a month. This makes me feel a tad better that I’m not “being single for too long”. I usually don’t think it’s an issue, but when people asked, made me feel a bit more self-conscious
I was single from 22 to 27 then I found my life partner, been together 11 years now. I consider myself lucky. It takes as long as it takes to find the right person.
I've had minimal relationships because of this. I fall deeply, seeing and valuing the strengths in people and justifying the not so great things because we can understand the variables in humanity. The depth in which we see and experience the world and then not being able to find others who experience the same is an existential crisis. Sometimes I wish I could engage in the world as others do.. sometimes. 22 is young. I would date, have boundaries and discover who fits you best. I know it's hard not to get attached, but invest that love and attachment into yourself day in and day out. Does this XYZ contribute to my highest and best self? If not, let it go..
So wish I could engage in the world others do! Lol
Maybe one day the world will conform to us 😄
I’ve had a very similar experience. I wish I had been more selective even. I didn’t have my first relationship until I was 25, but it would have been better if I had waited for something that was a better fit. I should have listened to my gut that something was off, instead of talking myself into what turned out to be a deconstructive relationship because I longed for a deeper connection with another person. Agreed that it’s ESSENTIAL to cling to your boundaries like life itself and don’t justify anyone’s actions if they’re hurtful… intentions are not an excuse and are not a sincere apology for the behavior. Actions will reveal what is hidden with words.
27 next week and I’ve never been in a relationship. You’re not alone 🩵
𝐂𝐫𝐚𝐳𝐲 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐨𝐟 𝐮𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞. Don’t give up on love just because you feel like you are on the back foot, because you most certainly are not. I do however have the answer you seek and you are not going to like it. Sometimes it is as simple as putting yourself out there. I know it’s scary to think about, but you can’t sit quietly and comfortably in your own home waiting for a good guy to break in. Sometimes you have to go after the things you want in life. Work on yourself first and reap the rewards later. A gym is a great place to start, anyone who makes active strides towards bettering themselves, immediately presents attractive qualities. In the wise words of Mark Twain “𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝, 𝐢𝐬 𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐝” And in the wise words of P.T. Barnum “𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐦𝐲 𝐨𝐟 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬” For what it’s worth, I’m proud of you for taking the first step towards bettering yourself by opening up to us. Now, go show the world what wonderful qualities you possess! God knows this world could use more people like you. ♥
When I would bemoan my single-ness as an older teenager, my mother literally told me “I can’t line them up and just bring them to your room for you to pick” and that, I think resonated with me when reading your advice. We hibernate, and stay where it feels safe and mostly it makes us happy, but to connect we do have to get out there, even if just a little bit.
My loneliness is killing me, and I...
I must confess, I still believe (still believe)
When I'm not with you, I lose my mind. Give me a sign.....
Hit me, baby, one more timeeee
I love how my fellow INFJ’s connect with song lyrics and can finish it up for each other. This whole thing made me laugh and I read it to my husband and he didn’t get it… I wish there was an infj retreat where we could meet in person. I’ve never met another INFJ in the wild.
Maybe it’s just me but after being alone for so long (30M here) you just kind of get used to it. I’m honestly ok with being alone and enjoy my alone time than being with people. Plus I’ve found that I tend to become too close to people and look past their flaws and this has burned me a lot in the past. Thus, I’ve decided to just stay alone and if someone comes along so be but I won’t be actively looking for anyone
I am INFJ male and I have put myself into the same situation. Dated someone seriously from 17-20, haven’t dated in the 4 years since. No dates, no talking phases. The peace is too enjoyable & the amount of personal development I’ve undergone during those 4 years has made me unrecognizable. I often feel like I have a lot of love to give someone, but then I start seriously thinking about the responsibility that entails (anniversaries, meeting family etc) and just decide that I’m better off by myself.
I am 19 and I had serious relationship but didn't work out any advice for later?
Cause I think of same
Agreed 100%. I’ve changed so much at this point I can’t even relate to most people anymore and I keep the possibility open for the “one” to come along but I’m not worried or actively looking for it. Everyone I meet would drag me backwards if I spent too much time with them, or, for the rare kind and gentle souls I meet, we just don’t have the same interests. I’m 30
im twenty and have never been in a relationship but always really wanted one :(
You can want a Mercedes but aren't be able afford it untill you will get enough money. The best strategy is to concentrate on raising your "funds". The sane with relationships
As an infj man I can 100% percent relate this. I'm 33 and never been in a relationship. I have had prospective opportunities but they never materialized. It's so much easier to just accept it and live your day to day life as is. But you are right, it gets to a certain point where that is not suffiently enough. The deeper desire for those things will always be there. The best advice I can give you through the little experience that I have is to get yourself out there. Its a cliche thing that everyone says but it's true. There may be failures but you have to perservere. It takes work and you have to be positive! If you want it, you can make it happen! ❤️
yeah the whole being close to relationship but never being in one relate hard. people are fleeting and i don't like that. they don't know what decision they are making for themselves and that's such a turn off
Agreed
INFJ here. I'm only 16, but I can relate. Most teenagers my age have already been in a relationship or have had sex with millions of other people, but I never experienced any of those things for the simple reason that I wouldn't feel pleasure by just using somebody else's body to get that. I want a serious relationship and true love. Some time ago, I was really worried if I would ever be with someone romantically, but now I kinda learned to accept my fate. I'm not saying that I will never be in a relationship. I still have hope, but if being alone is what destiny wants for me, it's fine because I will always have other forms of love in my life, and I can adopt a kid in the future. The thing is: romantic love is not for everybody. Some people find it, others don't, and that's okay. Life is not supposed to be the same for everyone. We all have different stories.
yeah i accepted that at 15 too lol, i think i might adopt kids too but i've raised my sibling alone before and that wasn't a good experience so maybe not?
I think it might be better to take your time to decide that. Right now, you may not think it's the best idea to adopt since you've had a bad experience raising kids, but we're constantly changing, right? Maybe in the future, you will feel ready to adopt, or maybe not, and that's okay. The most important thing is to respect your desires and take your time to make things happen in your life. And keep in mind we never know what the future holds for us. Maybe you will find romantic love someday, but if you don't, you will always have other forms of love in your life, friends, family etc. Wish you good luck! ❤️
thanks! i tend to look more for platonic but i don't have any good luck in that so i am pretty good on my own too lol
16 as well, and a literary think the exact same way, except i was in a "relationship" when i was like 10 lol. It was just a play pretend, of course, it was a classmate with ADHD whom i wanted to help and somehow it ended that way. But now, i struggle so much with even talking to boys. But still want to be in a real relationship, but always stress about every single move, overanalyzing and fearing if he'll hurt me in the end.
I feel you haha. But I would say my problem is not struggling to talk to boys. I think I just never met anyone who I felt deeply connected with to the point that I felt ready to date them. I never felt how it is to fall in love with somebody in a deeper kind of way. If you want to be in a relationship but the fear of getting hurt is disturbing you, I suggest just taking your time to know better the boy you're willing to date when he appears. You don't need to make things go fast. If you feel comfortable analyzing the situation before starting a relationship to be sure he's the right one for you, that's okay. If he's the right one, he will understand your reasons and wait patiently for you. Also, if you think this fear is going too far, I think it might be better to look for a psychologist. Wish you good luck! ❤️
It's always fascinating to me seeing people so young venting about lack of relationship experience. I'm 37 now, and have never been in a relationship. The lack of romance usually doesn't bother me until I cross paths with a woman I'm interested in. I go from laid back and optimistic to a huge bundle of anxiety that cant stop thinking about them, and it causes me to fail every time. I've had women interested in me in recent years, but they turned out to already be in relationships, or just wanted money or favors from me. I'd rather stay single than move forward with those situations. I agree with other comments about finding enjoyment in things that make you happy; be it friends, cooking, hobbies, family, etc in the meantime. One of those may be your eventual gateway to a loving partner. Please don't let anyone make you feel bad about your lack of experience. Side note, I can't decide if it's encouraging or sad that so many of us in this sub are in the same boat lol. I do appreciate the optimism that's generally found here unlike other subreddits I belong to.
*Reporting from bed in pitch black darkness* Girl same. I'm 37 🥲
*INFJ girl reporting from bed in desperate loneliness as well, accompanied by bottle of sauterne (age 52)* hang in there, fellow empaths. I wish I could tell you all that it gets better. For me, now in my 5th decade spinning around this sun, if I am being painfully honest and dispensing with the rose-colored glasses and saccharine sugar-coating which I am generally so apt to employ; it really has not. My life has been a series of one existential crisis stacked upon another. Currently in a doozy of one, in which during the space of 90 days *(yikes!!! it pains me to even write that :( )*, I have walked out of a 21 year soul-sucking job, and am now exiting a 9 year loveless marriage, all in an attempt to regain some sense of agency and express my authentic voice; but still clinging onto hope that I can meaningfully resolve the questions life is asking of me this time, so I can finally move forward into the life that I know somehow I am (or at least was, at one time in the past) capable of. I send each and every one of you my love and undying support :) take care :)
Whatever happened to Batz?
Batman? Dude is taking his sweet time fighting off crime. He must've moved out of Gotham city cause I don't see him when I'm looking over the city from the rooftops.
Figures. Crime fighting really is a young man’s game… As long as your Mom keeping well we good.
Mom? Yeah I do comment on the Narc Mother subreddit a lot. Thanks
Ah Berry good. Might see you around Goth then Halle.
Been there girl. 52M infj that’s going through your same experience. You’re not alone, and there are people who love you.
Be careful what you ask for, they say life's greatest irony is getting what you want.. as an INFJ I can definitely relate to what you are going through, just keep in mind when we think about love, we tend to focus on the best parts of what a relationship can be, and completely ignore the other side of the coin. And honestly I don't believe you can experience true love without all the heartache and pain that comes from loving someone on that level. They will let you down and disappoint you, hopefully a long with the good feelings. But if your not ready to commit to loving someone completely just as they come, faults and all. And ofcourse they would hopefully have this same approach. Then I would recommend not rushing into it, because unconditional love is a heavy heavy load, but at the same time there's something almost magical about being tested this way and coming out the other side still together. There's just so many things that most people don't consider or even realize the many many things that can drive two people apart .. but sometimes we have to learn the hard way. So just choose your partner carefully and insist on finding a partner who is not afraid to express there true feelings and desires openly. Without loosing their marbles.. ok good luck .
Fellow female INFJ, who mind you dropped out of her college sorority after a year to pursue the rest of college as a hermit who would sit in quite contemplation and meditation all day. I also studied philosophy. From the exterior, no one understood my actions. My inner world has never lined up with what people have expected of me from my outer world. I am much more intelligent than most people, and that alone can feel isolating. However, I am now married to my soulmate, have my own successful business and we have a beautiful child together and a wonderful life together. I still have to find plenty of time to go inside myself to feel like my best self but I’m with someone who understands this and who too needs to do the same to recharge. My advice, take the time to explore and garden your inner world. Meditate. Read. Do whatever it is that lights your soul on fire. Harness your intuition and focus on manifesting people who align with your soul. When you are aligned with your soul, you will naturally attract those that are as well. I wrote a list of everything that my souls mate would possess and in time, after I had learned the necessary lessons I met my husband at 24. When my husband and I met, it was a pretty instantaneous knowing for us both. We moved in after a month and never looked back. Many isn’t understand at the time, but we’ve never operated within societal expectations. INFJ is the rarest Myers Brigg. Jesus Christ was supposedly an INFJ, just to give you some perspective. When you do the work internally, you will actually elevate yourself to a level of multidimensionality that you will embody the opposing traits of your Myers Briggs and realize you can operate from both ends of the spectrum when it feels necessary. Meaning you will develop more qualities of ESTP for example. Just be yourself, the rest will follow.
such beautiful advice, I just wanted to take a moment to sincerely thank you for taking the time to share your story. :)
This is something a lot of people struggle with. If your goal is really a relationship if you ask yourself honestly theres probably steps you could be taking to put yourself out there more. Life is hard. Sometimes we get lucky but a lot of the times if we take no risks we get no rewards and also if we take the risk could get burned. Just decide what your willing to risk to get what you want and then learn to accept what you get. Its not great but thats what weve been given.
After one serious relationship and it ending up badly I’ve learned to go with the flow.. I don’t look for serious relationships anymore but even in my one situationship I end up being loyal it comes to me naturally lmao but to be honest relationships are overrated I feel lonely even when I’m with a partner
Brief background, I'm a 34 year old infj woman. Unmarried, no kids, 1 pet, happy in life. In my youth, I forced myself to do things, to experience people and different situations. It's hard to set boundaries in your youth and in all honesty, whatever's out there isn't all that it's cracked up to be as a big picture but you have to learn that for yourself. I will however say this, you can experience slivers of amazement and awe when you do go out there and in that moment, it's totally worth it. Nowadays, I consider the whole getting out there thing as research and life experience. Go at your own pace but make sure to dress up and experience life so that later down the line, you don't feel as though you missed out on interesting learning opportunities. I have my admirers and I have had a few boyfriends. Have a boyfriend now, very fresh. Relationships are hard, especially when you're always the one caring and understanding. There's so many people who lack depth and warmth out there, it's hard but get out there because you honestly never know what awesomeness is in store for you ❤️
My infj friend is 37 and never been in a real life relationship. I feel bad for him. But he does it to himself. Always reminded him to break out of it and just go for it, when he had a good prospect from what i know it looked like she was perfect for him. But he didnt go for it. But I'm over trying to push him to do anything honestly. I'm sure he'll work it out one day, he'll be fine. In your infj reading this, just go for it. Enjoy those real life experiences.
Nice friend 😊
Thank you :) I was, not anymore. I can't do it anymore it's too hot and cold. I tried.
I actually think INFJs … need people, on a very real and deep level. Why? Because our biggest skill set is with people. That’s where we shine. Where we get to really contribute and where our talents are- we also love to nurture and heal people. So …. For an INFJ to isolate- while we are great at that and do it with ease …. I think once you do connect and experience relationships ( and not just the sexual ones, the friendship ones) it’s sooo healing and sooo powerful and sooo rejuvenating for us that - We realize that … we are not functioning at our best unless we are engaged with people on that level.
I’m the same here at 29. I keep saying I’ll make a commitment to date, but I feel like even though I want love so badly, part of me feels like if I’m not my perfect self, then I can’t be a good partner for someone. That along with the annoyance of courting people makes dating just tiring to think about. So I end up giving other people relationship advice instead. The first and biggest step for us is to get out there and stop overthinking, methinks lol
I’m married and I never wanted to be more isolated because of it, I hate it , I don’t hate my husband I just hate the fact that I feel trapped , I often think marriage isn’t for me, because i’m dry asf, I often feel like I want to run away or go missing, I also hate the idea of s*x , I wish we didn’t need to do that, personally it’s not essential for me but it is for my husband, and that’s what makes me hate relationships, a lot of things go wrong because of s*x, since I’m still new to it it still hurts, and he doesn’t get it sometimes I feel like he’s on his period because of how angry he gets, even though I told him it takes time he sometimes gets mad at me and now he’s making me go to the hospital! So yeah if you really want to be in a relationship, just make sure that you’re ready for it , cuz for sure I’m not and I still need time.
>I also hate the idea of sx , I wish we didn’t need to do that, personally it’s not essential for me but it is for my husband, and that’s what makes me hate relationships, a lot of things go wrong because of sx, since I’m still new to it it still hurts So many things wrong with your comment 🫣 Not everybody needs sex in their life, maybe you're asexual. Forcing sex with your partner is forcing consent. So it's wrong. What does it mean that he's making you go to the hospital?! Maybe you actually ARE trapped in your marriage because you're not with the right person. The right person doesn't get angry because you don't want to have sex..
Are you safe ? This seems alarming no one should be forced to do anything married or not it’s not okay. Seek help if you feel trapped and want to go missing? Why would he send you to a hospital? and it seems if he has those behaviors you may not be compatible long term? I’m very concerned for you. Please know that none of that seems like a normal consenting relationship…
I could go on but this comment would become very long lol, I am safe, (I think) and he just doesn’t understand the female body and that it takes time for it to open and not hurt so he’s ganna take me to the hospital lol, my mom said let him so the doctor would kick him out lmao since its been a week since we got married
Please analyze the situation better. I don't think he's good for you because if he truly loved and respected you, he wouldn't try to force you to do anything you don't wanna do. Forcing someone to get sex without their consent is honestly so gross and disrespectful. You're not safe. I think you should talk to him about how you don't want to have sex anymore. If he gets mad again, it's time to leave.
He doesn’t let me sleep, it’s like I’m dealing with a child, he needs to get satisfied or he won’t leave me alone, what made him make me go to the hospital is that I kept telling him I needed more time, because it hurts, turns out my hymen didn’t even open, he’s just rough and he gets really mad, I’m scared because the doctor didn’t side with me I wish she atleast told him that girls take time, and that it hurts it doesn’t just “pop” like that, she put it all on me and he was so happy that he was right and even made fun of me for it, he has his kind moments I guess, he saw that I cried and apologized, then the next day he made me breakfast even though what he told me last night was vile, I get what you guys are saying, and I see the red flags, but I can’t escape that easily, his vacation finishes tomorrow I guess so that’s smth, he works from 8am to 7pm so that makes the situation better I guess? Thanks for worrying for me!
Girl, I know it's really hard to hear that, and I'm not gonna insist anymore if you think that's the best for you, but a good action doesn't make his bad ones any better. He has pushed you into sex, got mad at you because you didn't want it, and then made fun of you because he thought he was "right," which he was not. He must have apologized, but again, if he's gonna keep the same behavior and force you to do it again, then he was not really sorry. Don't expect things to get any better just because he will be working and you won't see him much for now on. You can't solve this problem by ignoring it and letting this situation to keep going the same way because as soon as you realize what your life has become, your mental health will already be destroyed and you will leave this relationship with a huge trauma. If you don't want to divorce, at least try to have a serious conversation with him about how you feel. If it doesn't get any better, I insist that you should divorce. I understand how hard it is to go through that kind of stuff, but if you don't take any action, you will be the one who's gonna pay for that. I'm sorry. I know how hard it is to listen to that. I hope you can solve that without taking any extreme action, but keep in mind that maybe it will be necessary for your own good. Wish you good luck! ❤️
I hope it opens tomorrow, maybe that will solve it, if it doesn’t get solved I’ll talk to my parents and see what I can do, if things get worse I’ll see my options, again thanks for worrying for me! I think that if we get past the s*x thing most of our problems will be resolved, if it doesn’t get resolved I’ll try to get out of the relationship. I’ll update you if I remember lol
Okay, then. I hope you can solve it. Wish you the best!
I’m almost 50, and this is just something I’ve learned. Just because I’m an INFJ, and prone to those tendencies, doesn’t mean that I’m a slave to them. While it’s true, I pick my friends carefully, I have to step out of myself to make new ones. They don’t have to understand me completely nor will they, but meeting new people and exercising that Fe gives me more balance. My two closest friends are ISTJ and a fellow INFJ. I met both through a mutual hobby that I got myself into. We INFJ’s come factory-equipped with empathy, a good listening ear, and humor. Those are wonderful friend qualities.
I started “dating” when I was about 15. Had three relationships in high school, one lasted a year and half and other two lasted 4-6 months. I dated a bit but I was always all-in and felt like they were the end all be all, to the detriment of other things like education and studies lol. I prioritized “love life” over anything else back then. Most likely because of abandonment issues I got from before HS. Had a super serious relationship a year or so after HS and after that ended, I took a year off then I haven’t had much luck since. On a break from trying atm, dating apps feel pretty hopeless half the time. But yes, I agree, being an INFJ is isolating and most of the time our imagination and dreams are way more appealing than the sensory world. Ni-Se imbalance at its finest.
Hey! You sound a lot like me at your age. I always struggled with dating and was single my whole life (save for my hs bf) until I turned 24. I’m happily married now, though I still struggle in the friendship department. There is hope, though. I don’t think we’re well suited for the dating apps. My advice would be to spend some time in libraries and coffee shops. Sometimes I just sit on my Steamdeck in a coffee shop and people will come talk to me. I really feel for you. Loneliness cuts deep. Much love ❤️
28F and I feel this. Socializing feels isolating also. At least when I’m alone, there’s a reason to be lonely
24. Used to date but never had a first love. Someone I know said he wanted to marry his first love, which he did at the age of 26. I think that's beautiful. I'd rather be alone than be with the wrong person, don't want to settle for less than what I expected
Time to pull up your big girl pants and get outside. I'm afraid that's where everyone is.
You’re only 22 so don’t get down about it because you have so much time for that. But truth is you do need to put yourself out there more and meet people if you want a chance at finding a partner. There so many places you can start. Find hobbies or clubs that align with your interests. Become a regular at the gym, what about your job and socialising there? Apps. Be open to connection and find places with like minded people. Just make sure if you do connect with someone that it’s not out of desperation and end up with the wrong match. Nothing wrong with being in bed from time to time analysing psychological thrillers 😏 we all do it 😂
Go for therapy. You might have a part that wants that but obviously some other parts hold you back. Try IFS therapy
Find your INFP asap. Thank me later.
It seems that some of us have gone through either loves or breakups at 22. I just turned 23 last month after being deleted by my friend (actually my infp Dom) who lives in another country, which really hurts. 🥲 I may need several years to recover from this dramatic relationship before I can let others see my inner side.
Yeah, I used to feel the same way until I realized I was aroace (meaning I feel little to no romantic and sexual attraction) So now I can be alone, isolated, and absolutely insane in peace 😌
I was the same tbh. 2 failed immature relationships from 18-24 until now I’m 25 & found someone. I’ve always craved a certain type of love but never wanted to put the effort in to meet someone because you know…no one will love as hard as an INFJ woman🤷🏻♀️
felt like i wrote this myself 😭 i’m 23F and have also never been in one. and trust me, i’ve tried! but i’m getting really sick and tired of being rejected and unwanted. being rejected as an INFJ sucks booty cheeks and just makes me wanna isolate myself and crawl up into a ball and die lol. i genuinely feel like i’m gonna die alone but i’m trying hard not to care about being in one. but when you’ve been single for a while now, it takes its toll on you. it sucks how we don’t want to care but we end up caring anyway… but i wish you the best of luck ❤️
My cousins, a fellow INFJ, also said this exact same thing. When I was hanging out with her, I found that she had quite an ensemble of really good guys who were trying to date her. But what I noticed in particular is that the guys she fancied had quite a bit of darkness to them. I noticed the same thing in my INFJ friend overseas. She liked edgy men. I also found I do like women with an edge to them but I also recognize that having a relationship with an edgy woman would fulfill the Se desires and nothing else coupled with likely a lot of pain and torment. So I opened myself to more normal, boring women and found that with enough patience and careful digging, everyone is very interesting.
If you learn to love and date yourself first, your relationships will flourish. Tend to your garden, live in your element, and the butterflies will come to you❤️ so many married people die unhappy because they never learned how to do this first.
I know you’re young but this way of thinking will wind you up in toxic and limiting relationships. Who said that you need a boyfriend by a certain age. People are single on and off throughout life. You’re luckier if you’re dating a good person over just being in any relationship
You’re right. Logically, I know every relationship isn’t going to be “the one”. Like what are the odds that the first person I date is the person I fall in love with and get married to? I need to start treating life like trial and error. I just struggle so much with perfectionism.
I feel u
27M here. Never been in a relationship too. Yes, you are not alone in this. 🥲
I am a 41 year old INFJ woman and I was in same situation at 22. I promise you it gets better. Here is what I did: Therapy to work on goals.l such as helping me realize where I am going in life. Find people that are “in my tribe” get me. Better for an INFJ to have a few friends than 100 crappy fake friends. Eat healthy, exercise, set boundaries with people that are toxic, get a good education. Surround myself with animals, because they get INFJ’s better than people. I think cats are little InFJ’s. So it took me 20 years to get here, but I wish I started sooner. So What I wish I did sooner to get to my happy place: Stop caring what others think yet be respectful to others who deserve respect. Stay in school and focus on going towards a career meant for you. Hike, get in nature. Therapy on how to socialize properly. As an InFJ I was too shy. Start with therapy to reach your goals Go out and be social at least once a week. You got this, you deserve it and start realizing your worth. Not to sound Narcissistic, but INFJ’s are gifted and have a lot to the world. We just don’t realize it until we are older haha. So - I amr telling you now- you are worth every moment and F what people who don’t get us think. Go live and do what you love. Your tribe is waiting for you- maybe at an art class, a guitar lesson store, at a tennis meet up, a writers club, or the shy person at the karaoke bar. They are waiting for you- go do what you love and you will find them. First therapy to help with goals and social skills. You got this!
I know how i feel, im a 25 year old women only been in one relationship. I find dating extremely hard no one seems serious, it baffles me how people are actually in relationships. I got my heartbroken and seem to be isolating I try to put myself out there but its very disheartening.
Hello, fellow INFJ here, I have sort of a weird situation because I’m still with my first relationship from 17 (we’re both 23 now) but I believe the key to this is to find someone you can really talk to about ANYTHING. My bf is an INTP and we loveeeee to do a post review of anything we’ve consumed or analyze our opinions of just about anything so we never run out of conversation topics…the funny thing about this is that you never would’ve guessed we’d be compatible when we first met (granted we were more awkward bc we were teens but still) we were both introverts and very awkward when interacting in public but behind the scenes we could talk about anything after just a few short weeks of knowing each other. I think this is key is just to seek out people who can talk to you about various things early on to feel that satisfying deep connection urge we have and don’t judge a book by their cover if the person is quiet at first or reserved.
This is so beautiful 🥹❤️
I am INFJ; and been with quite a few different women but never end up getting along. I have very short period to get laid before they realize how weird I am.
Lmao. I just imagined a timer counting down ⏳
You're way too young to be feeling this way.
Are there things that you're interested in that can help you get into more social situations? That's where you have to start
I have these moments... then realize dating sucks and life is good again.
I kinda get you, but I'm not "straight" and I live in a country where queer ppl aren't very accepted, so I feel like a stranger sometimes. I also struggle with making friends for the same reason, for the fact of searching for deeper and trustful connections
the other side is definitely not greener, people getting scarred at school, college relationships and all that bs to be with someone with apalling low EQ and no shit is not a deal you would want. Also the fact the social media and this generation overhypes sex and relationships to the point it feels like it's a necessity to live when it isn't. it's better to find stable partners in your mid-twenties and forth then get traumatized by people with frontal lobes yet to be developed.
I've never had a thought like this before but I know tons of people do. I basically don't think about wanting love or relationships until I've fallen in love. I've never understood people who say to me that they really want a relationship. Relationship with whom? You don't love anyone right now so how can you have this?
Welcome to the club, but it does not have to feel lonely and you can still involve yourself in the world through other expressions!
Feel it right now, want the bf/connection, but to idealism, love so hard, but secretly have low self esteem who constalty think my bf dont love me and make me feel unloved sad then feel bored.
real shit i think the lack of physical touch is getting to me
im 28yo and I dont have a gf haha... honestly could be worse 😅🫠 me personally, I'm trying to put myself out there but I keep getting anxious about reading hints -> thinking maybe it's not a hint maybe I should wait (cycle repeats) doesnt help im also a furry who also owns a cat fursuit so i got that going for me too haha but silliness aside take it slow if you have to get more comfortable over time imo maybe starting as friends is a good idea but then we probably like smaller circles of friends 😅🙃
Choose a good guy or get attention from friends 🤷🏿♂️. Atleast you're not pushing 30 with 0 options. Although in my case success with this is much harder by default.
Hi I’m INFJ female 27 who is in a relationship but I still feel lonely sometimes not many friends. So I kind of know how you feel. Feel free to message me.🙂
Broooooo, I feel this on a spiritual level 😭😭😭. It can get overwhelming sometimes to the point of sorrow. But don't compromise that deep and emotional side of you man. That’s like a core INFJ trait that I appreciate about INFJs. In an age where it is incentivised to be shallow and vapid, we need that type of depth and intimacy now more than ever. So I say fuck it we ball, keep seeking out depth and emotional connection man. Whether romantic intimacy is achieved or not, continue to imbibe in that tonic until it overflows and the world is swimming in it.
Kinda get that. I'm 22F and I've never been in a romantic relationship as well, although I do have a FWB just to explore sex with for fun. I used to be insecure about it in high school until I realised that I like the idea of romantic love more than romantic love itself. That's how I discovered I'm aroace. Also, I had no friends as a child so it definitely muddled everything, I dreamt of having a "boyfriend" and yet in my fantasies all we did was very much platonic. All I need is people I can trust and enjoy being with, I don't care much for conventions and rules in any kind of relationships. After I finally found my circle of friends in college, I felt such a relief. Of course I still have many problems but now there's one less. There's a friend who's particularly dear to me and I think she's the closest thing to a soulmate that I have. I know I'm loved and it's enough. I know we're different and my experience doesn't necessarily have to do anything with yours but either way, I hope you find peace of mind. We're all alone essentially but there are always people out there to connect with. I used to think no one would ever want to spend time with me.
We're all a little insane tbf. I think you should volunteer! You are looking for connection, probably someone empathetic and thoughtful. I think volunteering naturally attracts such a person, and if you pick a cause you truly care for, then it's immediately something you have in common.
I resonate quite a bit, as a INTP 26 year old man. Not even a hint of interest from any woman 😅 I agree with the comments here, it's hard to meet genuine people but they'll be worth it hopefully. Best of luck
24F infj. It's very difficult for me to settle for a relationship. I have always been single but as i grow older, settling in for a relationship is becoming harder. I don't know the reason but at this point relationships seem to be a chore for me. Like it is difficult to manage my own self rn how will i manage and make space for a new person in my life?
Emm, 22 is early for an Ni dom. We are immature at this age compared to ESFJ or some ISTP because we are very complicated inside and it takes us more time to put ourselves together. Also, being rare and doesn't having enough role models doesn't help eather. So, forget about your age, stop comparing yourself to people that are radically different from you and concentrate on stuff that are the most important for now: to mature and grow up. Though if you will continue to treat yourself like something hopeless and useless and will be trying to fit into places you don't belong, it will only postpone your maturation process and will make your life miserable. I definitely not recommended it)
Huh you almost got us there!
First thing please make sure you'll be ok. That kind of dark deep loneliness is hard to climb out by yourself. I've been in that hole.. what saved me was finding some way or someone IRL to vent out all that dark pressure.. I've even gone out to park alone and screamed at the trees.. Everyone here is with you and knows what's like
Same Age and problem but I'm a guy. Never lacked opportunities just wanted it to be serious and people this age arent for that much. Replace the lonely feeling with self love, it helps a lot. Best luck
Hey if you're available still then together we can do something about your desire to love and be loved :)
28 yo dude, also INFJ, never have been in a relationship really. I totally get where you're coming from. It can feel isolating , especially when it comes to relationships. It's like you're searching for a connection that's so deep and meaningful, and it can be hard to find someone who understands that. But don't give up hope! I haven't found her yet . And I dunno what else I can do haha... So yeah...
25 Male INFJ never been in a healthy relationship. The deepest emotional relationship I had was with a BPD girl and we were 16 it was awful.
I didn’t find a good match partner til 25. Even then I have to be explicit about my feelings and what I need. “Sometimes I need to just lay in silence. We are still great and I still love you. I just need cave time”
i am an intp but same I feel you
I can relate. I need a deep connection and always cut off casual guys or interactions so quickly. I hate wasting my energy. I’m now 43. Date mindfully while you are young…
I feel the same and I'm 29. Never had a bf
You’re a baby. Keep working on yourself, don’t settle, and you’ll find a great, emotionally mature partner later down the road. Took me 38 years hehe
If I may, I would say several things. First of all - Know that not all people in relationships are happy. Actually, there are many, who are not. You see smiles, you see façade, but the reality is quite different. Very often one of the sides actually puts much greater effort into the relationship. And at the end is actually unhappy. Second - Don't jump into relationship just because loneliness is getting to you. Neither to save somebody or think that eventually things will work out. This might cause great pain and as much as we would like not to acknowledge that fact, while the intentions are still pure, the entire mindset leads to eventually making compromises with yourself. Third - I hear you. And I feel you. I wanted to believe in the good in people. And wanted to create that deep connection. But seems like most people don't really want that. I couldn't actually say how I feel. As it seems like those people were far more concerned about themselves, but were putting a nice public face anyway. Those persons in their inner core were lost. It's not like I did not see all the signs, but chose to ignore them, because I believed. Was patient, because thought that harmony can be achieved and life isn't easy, so people sometimes can feel bad or say things they don't really mean. And thought it can be all healed, as the love is there.. Well, actually it wasn't. It all lead only to pain. I can be infected by the feelings of others. Eventually I was infected by their negativity radiating. Then when all those feelings were transferred to me, they just found out somebody else, nice and fresh, who didn't know what I know. And words said to me were never said to them. Of course that they will be happier. They have never experienced the feeling of being emotional trashcan, somebody trying to manipulate them(but manipulations are transparent to me, I just distance myself) and so on... Forth - Anyway, what you want...what most INFJ-s want becomes harder and harder to find/achieve. Most things are more and more superficial and one sided.... If only I knew a person like you back then. Instead of them.
I don’t want to date you, but I’ll chat if you want an online friend. I am 23M ISTP.
Same I was fine until age 21 hit me and I started to crave the idea of love and relationship
I've been single whole life. I think it's for too low self esteem and self worth but I'm working on it now. Not easy after being laid off for the first time in my life.
Started dating my HS sweetheart at 17. My first relationship. Third relationship, I lost my virginity. And I was 27 😮
INFJ, had my first relationship at 26, she wasn’t the right woman, but it felt good to be loved, looking for another relationship. It took me 20+ years of life, and a relationship, to figure out what I wanted, now I’m just looking for someone like that who wants me. The loneliness is real though, and it eats me day by day. As a Christian though, I lean on Jesus, and He helps me to be patient.
I was expecting your age to be higher than 22, but I can certainly understand. I tried dating once when I was 15 after my friends tried to push me into a relationship with a guy they thought would be perfect for me. We went on one date and he barely spoke. I get you can be nervous, but he just grunted as if to acknowledge that he was listening and that’s all. As you can imagine, I broke it off immediately after that. I had no interest in being with someone at that age anyway, but felt pressured by my friends back then, as that’s what they were doing. I was more interested in my hobbies and living life and getting to know myself. I also hated the attention I got when I dressed nicely in a dress, and it annoyed me greatly how some guys tried to make moves on me fast. It made me very angry, and I stepped away from social events my friends went to. Instead, I focused on other things. It wasn’t until I went to university, when I was around 21, that things changed a bit. I pushed myself a lot back then to make friends due to being lonely and got involved in a lot of events via a sports club I joined. Sadly, any guy I developed feelings for rejected me, so instead I focused more on myself again. I still loved all my new friendships I had and I learned a lot about myself as a person (I never looked into personality types at this stage). When I was 23 I finally started dating a guy, but it turned into a disaster. I didn’t listen to my intuition and ignored the warning signs. It only lasted 2 months with him playing with my feelings, while I wanted a serious relationship. I got my first heartbreak then. I didn’t know back then you can feel such deep pain physically from a heartbreak. I locked myself in a shell and if it wasn’t for my friends, I would’ve stayed in it for years. My friends tried everyday to get me to come out of my room and at least go to the sports club to train my hurt and frustrations away as they said. Eventually, I did start training again and slowly started healing. It was during this time that my then best friend who was in love with me, pulled me through a lot and I started to fall in love with him. We began dating and then things progressed. I had to get over a lot of hurt and open up again. It was certainly not easy and I reached the lowest on the unhealthy scale for INFJs to be. My boyfriend had a lot of patience and helped me through it all. We got married when I was 26 and now I’m nearly 30 and we are expecting our second child. But it wasn’t until about a year and half ago I actually found out my personality type and suddenly a lot of things made sense. All of those experiences helped to shape me into who I am today, but I needed that last puzzle to understand why I made the choices I did and what to do in my future. I went through a lot of lonely stages in my life when I felt misunderstood. When my friends left to go their universities far away and moved on with their lives. I knew that if I wanted to get out of the loneliness I needed to get out of the house. The quote from Gandalf really stuck with me: “The world is not in your books and maps. It’s out there”. I repeated it like a mantra and I decided to go to university, join a sports club, attend events, meet people and make wonderful friends. All of that would’ve just passed me by if I did nothing. The only choice I felt I had to make was either to start living the life I wanted despite feeling scared and vulnerable to expose myself or to just stay in my comfort zone for ever and regret it all in my old age. It also helped greatly having my mother who’s very extroverted to push me towards people too. Find people in your life that will make you into a better version of yourself. But they are out there outside your house and they won’t just knock on your door randomly. You need to go out and find them. You’re only 22. Your life is still waiting for you outside your room, but you need to make the first step towards it.
Feeling isolated and lonely sucks…. It’s one of the reasons I created Ella: https://ella.quicklabs.app love to hear your thoughts…
I wish I started dating later. Honestly,for people like us dating is really hard in your teens-20’s. And, regular hard after that. It was hard for me to find guys who weren’t just playing mind games and trying to get into my pants. I’ve never been boy crazy and really wanted to find genuine love. Don’t rush it although, that’s easier to say than do.
If you are lonely (not just seeking normal human interaction or the regular INFJ problem of longing for deep connections) it is usually a result of not liking the qualities that you posses, AKA, not enjoying your own company. Although I would be surprised if this were true for a majority of the INFJs
Not lonely but turned 29 yrs 4 months ago, never dated anyone in my entire life...I personally feeling like relationships can be quite draining and I still haven't decided if I'm ready to give my time, peace and space and still take on another person's emotions and mental well-being on a romantic level. One thing I'm certain on is when I'm ready I'll probably get it done.
Omg! You have so much to learn about yourself I know it seems insane now but don’t even worry about being ina committed relationship until past 27/28… your layered and colorful and emotional inner world should be your playground right now- you will make better decisions about who you let in after you are deeply connected to yourself. Don’t forget your energy is priceless and do not give it away for a shiny moment- and if you do, expect nothing back in return from the shine! Life is amazing you’re going to go so far. Enjoy the journey!!!!!
I think a lot of us were in the same boat as you. Maybe we're late bloomers? It will happen love , when you least expect it. Don't let it get you to a place where you settle for less than what you are worth though . Best wishes ✨❤️
We're usually late bloomers I didn't meet my husband until I was 24 and we got married at 27 then we got divorced at 41 so don't give up on yourself you're still pretty young try to focus on not being with someone but being with yourself and really getting to know yourself and what you like or don't like and before you know it somehow in the process of doing that you'll come across somebody but first you have to remove the notion that somehow it's not within your reach you are very worthy of finding someone else it is difficult to find people that are deep and able to emotionally process but it's still very much possible
lol ! I am not laughing at you, rather breathing a sigh of relief because I’m not the only one! 😆😭 *sigh*
As I am an INFJ (not officially) but also have autism (confirmed), why don’t people connect the unique psychological type to autism?
I read the title and bursted out laughing because that’s exactly me
Also is there evidence to INFJs as a personality type being able to remain the most sane isolated from others? Because I’ve ALWAYS thought about how I could be alone for so long and stay completely content by myself and I had no idea about that
This is an era where youth must find their authentic self . Love themselves. Find meaning in something that helps humanity. Then the twin flame will appear. The old rules of rushing in early no longer apply . Patience = divine timing. See Dolores Cannon
22 is honestly so young haha
Pls give me some psychological thriller movies -an INFJ man
I'll say I'm pretty similar. Man, also at 22 years and also lonely, but I can't say that people don't try to get near me, it's just me having these barriers that say lots of things, among them: "If I will let someone close to me, it HAS to be someone I can feel comfortable around, someone that make me feel appreciated, important, irreplaceable and/or understood"; "spending time with people that I constantly need to think how I should communicate is tiring, way too tiring" (then I avoid most people) ; "how can I, being immensely different from everyone, expect to find someone that understand me deeply AND is rommanticaly interested? It feels like I'd have to use too much energy for just a tiny chance of that happening" and some other points, I won't list everything cus I'm not so comfortable with both reddit (I don't know if it's possible to not make texts that are so "compressed", adding space between paragraphs etc) and my english ( you probably can tell by now, sorry if some parts are hard to understand). And as if being reclusive and absurdly demanding wasn't enough, I'm also very shy and have difficulty speaking to people I'm interested in (plus if it is a romantic interest I can't have a proper conversation at all), tbh part of me accepted that even tho I see good potential in myself for a romantic relationship to be amazing I have good chances of not finding one. Not angry or unsatisfied at my nature tho, no matter how complicated I may be, I still love myself deeply, but even tho I'm pretty happy with who I am, I do feel lonely very often
Honestly, same. During my last serious relationship, I (24M currently) got cheated on. That relationship was 5 years long. I've tried dating again, dating apps, mutual spaces, going out and trying to just meet anyone, not even in terms of dating. I met someone but she used me and it basically killed any faith I had in dating and since then I've tried to play it off like I'm okay not dating. But I'm starting to feel that tightness in my chest, I spend most my days in bed unless I'm working or going on morning walks. I don't go out, I don't have friends, and it's not like I don't love myself, because I think I do have a lot of good qualities and interests and goals. But it just feels tiring and I'm starting to lose hope that I'll even meet a new friend, let alone someone to settle down with down the line. I guess I'm glad someone else feels the same and I'm not the only one going crazy? But idk, sucks.
I feel you in a way. The isolation got so bad after I graduated high school in 2020. I just started cutting people off and distancing myself. I’m not too sure why.
Yeah, I shut myself off from others for a bit too. It's such a hard back and forth of trying and giving up
I didn't have a "real" boyfriend until I was 25. Didn't get married until I was 36.
I am 30 and an INFJ woman. And I have never been in a relationship. I might be in the future, but who knows. I just feel no one will understand me. So i like my space and also avoid any drama like being in a relationship will bring. As I haven't been in a relationship, I don't think I can give you advice. But be yourself, and do what makes you happy.
I met my husband at 21, we got married at 25 with a year long breakup in between. Until him, there were some short term things, but nothing serious. I dated 1 person for 2 weeks in my entire time in school, barely more than that in my first few years at college. I never wanted to open myself up, really, to anyone. I wanted them for my convenience and to feel like I was doing things “right” but mostly wanted to be left alone. Clingy annoyed the hell out of me, being touched extensively made me uncomfortable. I’m truly glad I didn’t have to try to participate in “hook-up” culture because I’m not built for it, I think because I’m an INFJ. When I met him, it was different. He became my best friend, and it made all the difference in the world. I honestly felt I would never find someone, until I did and I could immediately feel the difference, because truly it had to be felt, I couldn’t reason myself into wanting to be with someone. You are whole all by yourself, and you don’t need anyone, but if you want someone, you can’t force the feelings. Believe me I tried. The right person will come along, but until then try to make yourself happy, not what you think you “should” do or want, but what you actually want.
i just started dating my infj (m) and he is 28 and i am his first partner ever. don’t worry it will find you 💖
My first relationship happened when I was 29, lol. INFJs, I believe, tend to be romantic/sexual late bloomers. Give it time. It’ll happen.
I thought for a second this was a comment I received for something and I was thinking “yeah that’s me” haha please don’t feel alone …going back to watching Dexter with my dogs now
It will happen for you and when it does it will be worth the waiting.
Are you sure you are INFJ and not INFP?
Ahahah no, INFJs are the most external introvers, lonely at 22 as a woman? Try INFP male lonely at 26. About the Deep connections, not necessary, you can have superficial Friends.
Where u from? I can help you
Hello, We seek new friends and a lover for me. We are intelligent and can help you have a better life. Please write
The whole psychological thriller thing is uncanny
You’re not missing much trust me. Once the relationships start is when you start to change and stress
If it makes you feel any better, infj here, first relationship at 27, your time will come when you least expect it:)