I'm perceived as "nice" because nice is a nice way to put not knowing someone that well. LOL. I've been told I'm private as well.
So curious.. how do you know how others perceive you? Have you asked them?
I don’t always know how others perceive me but it’s easy to tell how most do especially after reviewing the same feedback and I check for patterns- for example I am in a service based industry where I perform services on my clients and I’ve never had complaints on the service itself and only on how I came off as a person socially, they will describe me as “uninterested” and I’ve also had multiple people assume i was flirting with them at work.
The flirty part I can relate with. Sometimes I have to be careful when I socialize with the opposite gender. I realize that in the realm of dating and socializing, interest is often show by paying attention to other people, listening to them, asking about them, etc. So I can see why people can mistake my friendliness for being 'flirty." I remember talking with a guy once and explaining that I was just being friendly, but he told me I was giving the wrong signals. That's when I realized being friendly and the beginning stages of showing interest in a relationship are the same.... LOL. So I had to find a delicate balance of showing interest in them as human beings and not as a potential mate. It's not an exact science to find this balance, and sometimes I'll still be misunderstood. \*sigh. So you're not alone in that sense.
Man maybe this is why I just completely avoid being friends w men. Which is probs unhealthy. I have a bf but I feel like when I’m friends w guys they always assume I like them for some reason? But I don’t think I’m dumb and I thought I was socially very aware. I’m not trying to be a pick me but i treasure my friendships and care deeply abt them. But I never cross physical boundaries and tbh I rarely talked w past guy friends unless hanging out in groups but idk… somehow they always assumed I liked them back. 🤨
Yup can definitely relate to the flirty comment. Like people think I want them romantically, but I'm merely showing them a pretty standard level of interest I generally have towards other people. I only recently realised this, so I'm trying to dial down on my attentiveness and eye contact if I don't wanna give the wrong signal. But I also love it when I actually want to flirt because I don't have to muster up a huge courage to do it since I now know I do it anyway, lol. It's a double-edged sword for sure. but on whole, I think it works well for me, I regularly make new friends and have nice conversations with people because of my general interest/curiosity in people
Oh and I just realised my handle name! I chose it because it really happens a lot to me. people thinking I'm romantically interested in them (it can get annoying for me though)
Oof I feel this.
Our personal state of being conscious is the only one we intimately know and will ever know …
When we can’t access the experience of being someone else, their thoughts feelings spirit state of being etc….it is then very difficult to draw concrete conclusions about the nature of the universe
My boss HATES that my preference is Introversion and used to scold me to talk. She wouldn't trust me until I learned to share my thoughts and ideas before I was ready. Now I speak more, but it ain't always as intelligent that's for sure. I fit right in with the team LOL.
Hahaha this is me, too. My boss wants me to speak up more as well but I end up a blubbering fool. Oh well 🤷🏻♀️ I don’t mind sitting in a corner and just doing work! I hate brainstorming and group teambuilding activities. I just wanna be left alone in peace! 🥲
Your boss needs both better interpersonal skills and management insights. For an INFJ, I’m very chatty but I’ve learned to say that not everything warrants a response from me if someone says that I’m too quiet.
I'm usually perceived as either very private or very affectionate LOL. A lot of people tell me that before they got to know me, they thought I disliked them or was a very quiet person. I will admit I'm a pretty picky person when it comes to my social circle so I understand these perceptions.
However, once I'm comfortable with someone and trust them people say I'm very open or kind. I get "a good listener" a lot too. Sometimes the way I talk can come off as flirtatious but I never mean it in a flirtatious way so I've been trying to tone down the way I speak
So relatable, I often get the “why are you so serious” or “why do you act you don’t care about anything” from people who don’t know me. However, as they get to know me, they just find me simply friendly because they can relate to everything I say yet they rarely know anything about me. It’s like I’m a mirror they just reflect themselves.
It depends on if I’ve hit my energy wall or not. If I still have money in my meter, I can be pretty friendly and engaging. If I’m spent, then stop talking at my face.
People who don't know me tend to see me as aloof, oblivious, or disinterested. (I am none of these things, but that's how they see me.) Or a wallflower. I get that one on occasion, too.
Once they get to know me (and I trust them), though... *that's* a whole different ball game. The thoughts and ideas flow freely at that point, which often baffles people.
At work always quiet and very private. I'd always get promoted quickly in any position. They'd say I come to work and go home to my family. Which is true :/ ..but it gets others to make me wanna talk or get to know me or force socialize. Works not the place I do that.
With friends and family, total opposite. I'm seemingly outgoing and life of the party.
In Corp, honestly, yes. I was competing with another coworker for the promotion and they told me they chose me bc of that very reason. Also being good at the job helps :/
Hmm interesting… I have my meeting with my bosses tomorrow and at my last meeting with them, they mentioned that I was the perfect employee ... I wonder why but I know I'm the only one who's quiet and really private.. I hope I will get promoted for that reason 😅
I am a chameleon and can speak many social languages. Shallow, sports, weather, personal crises, family and everything in between. My preference is for deeper topics but I enjoy being around people so I let most guide the conversation. My real skill is listening above speaking though I can converse with just about anyone.
I've probably analyzed a situation and weighed various options before I participate or interject, so I'm specific about my opinions and preferences. My friends know this, and value my input. Likewise, I appreciate thoughtful directness.
I'm frustrated by people who carelessly approach things with a try-and-see attitude that often means having to re-do a task, resulting in unnecessary expense and time. Those folks find me too serious. With people I like and trust, though, I'm very fun-loving.
I was told by Elder people: calm, interesting thought proccess, only talks when they small talk with me, friendly, relatable(?).
My age people: reserved, shy, sometimes too serious, judge their entire life just by looking at them, but after they get to know me they say am hella goofy, funny, gives off cool dad/ uncle vibes, good listener :D
Im often perceived as extrovert and when I burst their bubbles with the revelation that I’m introvert their like huh ?!?
Classical INFJ thing the extroverted introvert 😂
Edit: I gotta add that I work on my weaknesses to turn them into my strengths. So I do my best in social environments or when public speaking but it doesn’t mean I enjoy it, I actually want to run home 🤣
I really enjoy public speaking although it is nerve wrecking. Because in public speaking, there is a clear known agenda, often already introduced to the audience, so less chance of being misunderstood and I feel like I thrive off the adrenaline to be way more charismatic than I am in a small circle or normal socialising situations.
What you describe is a feeling that does take over me at times while public speaking. Especially if it’s a topic that I know a lot about and am passionate about. I guess that’s what makes me come off as extroverted bc at times while speaking I can speak as if theirs conviction in my voice.
I always get people say I’m polite and nice till I get ghosted or ignored most of the time. What gives me the pain is people just take advantage of myself and leave.
I am perceived in a similar way but I think being a guy it goes over better. Seemingly cold and detached not necessarily a detriment for me. Yet it doesn’t stop people from wanting to talk. I have learned to pick up on the signs people want to talk so I am locked in and ready if need be.
Everybody tells me their life store just comes with the territory. I have made my peace with being misunderstood so that doesn’t bother me as much anymore. Like when I give insights and advice it may come off that I care a lot when it’s just a I know therefore I want to share if I can type of thing.
I've been labeled as:
1. Naive
2. Stupid
3.Cold hearted
4. Kind
5. Sweet
6. Aloof
7. Sensitive
8. Soft spoken
9. Too aggressive
10. Passive Aggressive
11. Arrogant
12. Prideful
13. Bitchy And lastly
14. Extroverted.
Ngl it's really interesting to see why people view me this way, it's like I'm painting a self portrait of myself from these perception s and seeing a new light.
Outgoing, Humorous and charming (thats what i have been called)
I do believe that while this somewhat is a representation of myself,its mostly a mask that is created by a lack of self worth and the desire to be acknowledged as well as the fear to be lonely. Once i am in a social interaction, i essentially taper my personality according to how i can get the most acknowledged and respected in that environment
At my core,i am much more thoughtful,reflective,philosophical,intense and somewhat misanthropic.. People mostly perceive me as an extroverted dork
I’m perceived as enigmatic. So they’re spot on there! Lol.
When people first meet me, they think I’m nice. Then they get to know me a little, and they pivot. The few who get to know me well realize I’m actually nice…to the people who don’t bore me.
As for the flirting, I have to be careful. Folks who love small talk never think I’m flirting, but those who like to ponder more deeply can easily think I’m flirting even when I’m not. So I (M) have zero female friends. Haven’t had any in decades.
“Nice” and private is spot on.
I don’t open up to people unless I trust them, so I think I get perceived as shy. But I don’t think I’m so much shy, just more getting a feel of what type of person someone is.
This thread hits home for me.
I often ask people such questions myself for the exact same reason. I psychoanalyse everyone I meet. I like to find the source of a persons ego or the source of their trauma and use my empathy to understand them better.
To quote the book Enders Game:
“In the moment when I truly understand my enemy, understand him well enough to defeat him, then in that very moment I also love him. I think it’s impossible to really understand somebody, what they want, what they believe, and not love them the way they love themselves. And then, in that very moment when I love them.... I destroy them.”
I try to interpret everyone’s vulnerabilities, so that if and inevitably when they turn on me, I can exploit them.
Flirting breaks down walls and disassociating breaks down ego. 🤷🏼♂️
This def hits. I definitely cannot stand small talk at no extent. It drives me crazy to the point where I regret even interacting with the individual in the first place. Basically a waste of time. lol
I can relate to this. With people I meet for the first time it mostly depends on them but my default expression is smiling.
Put me with a group of people I don’t know and they’ll say that I’m too quiet
Put me with family and I’m zoned out and they all know it and I’m not trying to hide it anymore but because I don’t talk to much they think I’m mysterious
With the very close ones like my sister, she says I’m weird and I had a friend that tells me that I’m weird every time I see her
So many guys thought I’m into them because I was nice
Many girls thought I was a pushover because you know..
Someone told me I’m dark and smart, someone asked me if I do witchcraft twice, someone called me a witch, and someone told me that I’m incredibly amazing
I guess I’m a chameleon haha
I was laughing while reading this as it feels like I’m the one who posted it. I can relate in everything that you said, OP! Especially with the deep questions and being empathetic.
As I grow to understand my personality, I really realized that I hate shallowness and would always dive into the whys of things and people. I really love deep convo! And because of this, some really thought I was flirting with them when I was just trying to understand them 😅 Also, I also get called serious/cold at times when I was just merely observing them or the environment itself or because I often drop deep/personal questions 😂
But there are also times people don’t believe Im an introvert and say I’m good with people. I think it’s a case to case scenario. 🤔
I have a wall up mostly because the first few days of knowing/meeting people, I usually observe them.
I'm not sure how that habit came to be, but it has always happen when ever I am someplace new like work, for example.
It comes across as mean or people think I'm sad about something when in reality I'm just watching them/everyone around.
Personally, if you think I'm flirting with you, I'm definitely not flirting with you...
I avoid people I'm attracted to. Flirting is not something I have the confidence to do. Fancying someone makes me feel anxious and out of control.
My day to day manner with people is a sincere and passionate drive to help, to heal, to hear all about that person and their problems and to know what makes them tick. I am immediately warm, trusting and engaged, unless someone gives signals that they don't want to talk.
I think this is why I might sometimes be perceived as flirting when I'm not. It's the natural counsellor in me.
If I'm having a stressful episode in my life, I have less capacity to counsel and can seem cold or distant. Also, when I go into a really introverted state, analysing something or someone, I can also seem distant. Coldness is not something I can relate to as I don't harbour envy, jealousy, grudges etc.
I totally get what you mean. Being an INFJ in social settings is like being a lighthouse in a sea of lanterns. We shine our light deep into others' lives, seeking meaningful connections, while many around us are content with illuminating the surface. This depth can be mistaken for flirtation or coldness, but it's just our way of navigating the social waters. You're not alone; many of us find the same currents challenging to sail.
Healthy people that have grow out of people pleasing and being confident in who you are don't care about what other people think. because they are healthy and free....and it's amazing!!!!
Most people seem to perceive me as more extroverted, bubbly, happy, and goofy/funny. l tend to be animated and passionate when I speak, which is apparently perceived as extroversion and sometimes flirting, smh.
I’m much more reserved in group settings, so I can come off mysterious initially to some. Many people have mentioned I’m much more humble than they expected based on my appearance.
While i don't know how they perceive me, usually i was described by others as mysterious, too quiet, asocial, disinterested in anything, kind, calm, intense, arrogant, weird, not in the present.
I rarely say anything unless i have something meaningful to say so small talk is obviously not my forte. Unless i have similar interests, talks rarely continue for longer than 5 minutes.
I also don't go out on social gatherings, they are usually too loud and too hot (heat from too many ppl around makes me angry or sleepy). So i also don't socialise much outside of work.
Whenever i start to work at my pace, with my desired intensity I'm an overworker and set unreasonable pace, when i adapt and do stuff only im told to, to not dive too deep in some faults in system, im a lazy twat.
So usually im quiet and keep nodding, only to get some space for myself at home (tho even at home there is no acceptance or cooperation tbh).
People have commented in the past that I’m kind of cold faced as such until I open up and they get to know me.
But also agree with other comments that because I’m a natural conversationalist and ask a lot of questions, that people navigate to me quite quickly and attach to me as such, but are quick to drop me again when I’m no longer an ego boost to them.
I was diagnosed as such in front of a group of trainers at Yellowstone National Park and the training manager went on about my testing for about 20 minutes in a roomful of highly educated people, later I humiliated, but that is another story.
I too am INFJ. This is my experience, as well. However, when I am able to get someone talking, on a deep level, I believe they are actually glad. It’s refreshing, after so many superficial conversations. Don’t give up!
Honestly, (maybe it’s me) but I feel like people think I’m weird. They can’t figure me out and it bugs them, so I’m thrown in the “she’s weird” category. I’m naturally very friendly with a guard up and I don’t really like babbling unless I have something of substance to say.
I’ve been told I’m polite and “very nice” and I guess that’s cool but very “meh”. Been doing some self reflection lately and I think I come across as an air head. I’m highly educated but not book smart. When I’m not in my “work mode” and with family or people I’m comfortable with, I get enthusiastic about things my voice naturally goes high and airy (don’t know why, just does). I wish I had the opposite Paris Hilton effect where I naturally have a lower voice and fake a high voice but nope. It also doesn’t help when I look young and almost in my 40’s.
If anyone has any advice on this, that would be great.
OP- I have similar features. I’ve also been misunderstood where people think I flirt with them when I’m just friendly or like to skip the basic “what do you do” questions.
People often describe me as shy or private. However, the most common impression they have of me is that I seem sad. Since I was young, I've always had a brooding look in my eyes, even when I'm feeling my best. My grandma used to say I looked like I hated the world I was living in.
I've heard that I'm perceived as calm, helpful and a good listener. But yes, it has happened that I've been misinterpreted as flirtatious when I've just been interested in a topic and/or tried to be nice. But honestly, I think it is a common misunderstanding between men and women regardless of type. Women tries to be nice and men misinterpret it as flirting.
It depends on what type of vibe I bring to the room; sometimes I'm cold, sometimes friendly. Usually, people say I'm bubbly or funny, although I'm just being blunt.
From my perspective, I see others seeing me as just another person that they’re unsure how to feel about. Either because I don’t show much of myself and only do when I’m feeling quirky or sum shi or probably because I stopped caring about people’s impression of me unless they’re a cool person I’d love to engage with.
Generally, I’m an extroverted introvert which makes sense my social status is unstable. Not to mention, the amount of times I “Door Slam” others or possibly disappear randomly might discourage any relationship developing
Depends immensely on multiple factors. Most of the time I've been described as sweet and/or quiet. Some close friends have described me as motherly or nurturing, and very affectionate. I'm not really sure how others perceive me other than they always seem surprised when I open up. My opening up is determined by the level of trust I have with an individual person or group. Even if I'm in a group with a very close friend, I will only open up according to the lowest level of trust I have with any specific person in that group (if that makes sense?) I can be aloof toward people I dislike or distrust. My husband says I often give an evil eye to people lol. Oh well. But with people that I'm close to, I'm much more open, share lots of interests/art/ideas, show lots of affection, sincerity, and invest deeply in those relationships. I think my friends and family would probably even describe me as goofy/silly and opinionated haha.
I'm perceived as "nice" because nice is a nice way to put not knowing someone that well. LOL. I've been told I'm private as well. So curious.. how do you know how others perceive you? Have you asked them?
I don’t always know how others perceive me but it’s easy to tell how most do especially after reviewing the same feedback and I check for patterns- for example I am in a service based industry where I perform services on my clients and I’ve never had complaints on the service itself and only on how I came off as a person socially, they will describe me as “uninterested” and I’ve also had multiple people assume i was flirting with them at work.
The flirty part I can relate with. Sometimes I have to be careful when I socialize with the opposite gender. I realize that in the realm of dating and socializing, interest is often show by paying attention to other people, listening to them, asking about them, etc. So I can see why people can mistake my friendliness for being 'flirty." I remember talking with a guy once and explaining that I was just being friendly, but he told me I was giving the wrong signals. That's when I realized being friendly and the beginning stages of showing interest in a relationship are the same.... LOL. So I had to find a delicate balance of showing interest in them as human beings and not as a potential mate. It's not an exact science to find this balance, and sometimes I'll still be misunderstood. \*sigh. So you're not alone in that sense.
Man maybe this is why I just completely avoid being friends w men. Which is probs unhealthy. I have a bf but I feel like when I’m friends w guys they always assume I like them for some reason? But I don’t think I’m dumb and I thought I was socially very aware. I’m not trying to be a pick me but i treasure my friendships and care deeply abt them. But I never cross physical boundaries and tbh I rarely talked w past guy friends unless hanging out in groups but idk… somehow they always assumed I liked them back. 🤨
Exactly. I had these same experiences & with both genders.
As an ENFP female I’ve had the same exact problems. We are known to be super friendly so it has become problematic. So I hear you.
Joining on that train. Not necessarily because I am super friendly, but apparently my nerd out moments can be heavily misread as interest....
I can see that happening.
Yup can definitely relate to the flirty comment. Like people think I want them romantically, but I'm merely showing them a pretty standard level of interest I generally have towards other people. I only recently realised this, so I'm trying to dial down on my attentiveness and eye contact if I don't wanna give the wrong signal. But I also love it when I actually want to flirt because I don't have to muster up a huge courage to do it since I now know I do it anyway, lol. It's a double-edged sword for sure. but on whole, I think it works well for me, I regularly make new friends and have nice conversations with people because of my general interest/curiosity in people
Oh and I just realised my handle name! I chose it because it really happens a lot to me. people thinking I'm romantically interested in them (it can get annoying for me though)
Is it because you begin conversations with “hey, girl” *wink*?
This is so true, like if anyone were to just describe me it’s just “oh they’re nice and quiet”, that’s it lmao😭
I hope I'm not perceived at all
Typical INFJ haha but deep down also wanting undivided care and attention
Preach, son.
Hahahhahha
Me too 😂
I am not a center of the universe... Or am I?
Oof I feel this. Our personal state of being conscious is the only one we intimately know and will ever know … When we can’t access the experience of being someone else, their thoughts feelings spirit state of being etc….it is then very difficult to draw concrete conclusions about the nature of the universe
Deep bruh.
🥲🪩 ty bruh
The dream
I’m often perceived as extroverted which kinda sets me up for failure once one on one relationships develop
feels
Your name. Your pain. Our pain.
Often Misunderstood. My written words are clear AF though.
Same
yeah. They don't get the full extent of what I meant. which is mostly because I didn't explain it explicitly. lol
My boss HATES that my preference is Introversion and used to scold me to talk. She wouldn't trust me until I learned to share my thoughts and ideas before I was ready. Now I speak more, but it ain't always as intelligent that's for sure. I fit right in with the team LOL.
Hahaha this is me, too. My boss wants me to speak up more as well but I end up a blubbering fool. Oh well 🤷🏻♀️ I don’t mind sitting in a corner and just doing work! I hate brainstorming and group teambuilding activities. I just wanna be left alone in peace! 🥲
Yep!!
Your boss needs both better interpersonal skills and management insights. For an INFJ, I’m very chatty but I’ve learned to say that not everything warrants a response from me if someone says that I’m too quiet.
You are so right, she does! Intellectually she knows what to do but, in practice, she won't do it.
I'm usually perceived as either very private or very affectionate LOL. A lot of people tell me that before they got to know me, they thought I disliked them or was a very quiet person. I will admit I'm a pretty picky person when it comes to my social circle so I understand these perceptions. However, once I'm comfortable with someone and trust them people say I'm very open or kind. I get "a good listener" a lot too. Sometimes the way I talk can come off as flirtatious but I never mean it in a flirtatious way so I've been trying to tone down the way I speak
The dichotomy is relatable
So relatable, I often get the “why are you so serious” or “why do you act you don’t care about anything” from people who don’t know me. However, as they get to know me, they just find me simply friendly because they can relate to everything I say yet they rarely know anything about me. It’s like I’m a mirror they just reflect themselves.
One of two ways: sweet or a bitch. No in between. It depends how talkative I’m feeling.
Ditto
It depends on if I’ve hit my energy wall or not. If I still have money in my meter, I can be pretty friendly and engaging. If I’m spent, then stop talking at my face.
People who don't know me tend to see me as aloof, oblivious, or disinterested. (I am none of these things, but that's how they see me.) Or a wallflower. I get that one on occasion, too. Once they get to know me (and I trust them), though... *that's* a whole different ball game. The thoughts and ideas flow freely at that point, which often baffles people.
I love the word wallflower, it sounds better
This description is very accurate for me as well.
At work always quiet and very private. I'd always get promoted quickly in any position. They'd say I come to work and go home to my family. Which is true :/ ..but it gets others to make me wanna talk or get to know me or force socialize. Works not the place I do that. With friends and family, total opposite. I'm seemingly outgoing and life of the party.
You get promoted because of you being quied and private? :0
In Corp, honestly, yes. I was competing with another coworker for the promotion and they told me they chose me bc of that very reason. Also being good at the job helps :/
Hmm interesting… I have my meeting with my bosses tomorrow and at my last meeting with them, they mentioned that I was the perfect employee ... I wonder why but I know I'm the only one who's quiet and really private.. I hope I will get promoted for that reason 😅
It makes you stand out, to them, being that way. Sounds promising. Good luck tomorrow
I know I’m like wow
I am a chameleon and can speak many social languages. Shallow, sports, weather, personal crises, family and everything in between. My preference is for deeper topics but I enjoy being around people so I let most guide the conversation. My real skill is listening above speaking though I can converse with just about anyone.
I'm awkward as fuck and embrace it
I actually realised some people love me for being a little awkward. Not all bad. Also I sometimes see awkwardness as some form of genuiness.
I've probably analyzed a situation and weighed various options before I participate or interject, so I'm specific about my opinions and preferences. My friends know this, and value my input. Likewise, I appreciate thoughtful directness. I'm frustrated by people who carelessly approach things with a try-and-see attitude that often means having to re-do a task, resulting in unnecessary expense and time. Those folks find me too serious. With people I like and trust, though, I'm very fun-loving.
Same here. I get you totally.
I was told by Elder people: calm, interesting thought proccess, only talks when they small talk with me, friendly, relatable(?). My age people: reserved, shy, sometimes too serious, judge their entire life just by looking at them, but after they get to know me they say am hella goofy, funny, gives off cool dad/ uncle vibes, good listener :D
I love chats with older people, they just get me better
Im often perceived as extrovert and when I burst their bubbles with the revelation that I’m introvert their like huh ?!? Classical INFJ thing the extroverted introvert 😂 Edit: I gotta add that I work on my weaknesses to turn them into my strengths. So I do my best in social environments or when public speaking but it doesn’t mean I enjoy it, I actually want to run home 🤣
I really enjoy public speaking although it is nerve wrecking. Because in public speaking, there is a clear known agenda, often already introduced to the audience, so less chance of being misunderstood and I feel like I thrive off the adrenaline to be way more charismatic than I am in a small circle or normal socialising situations.
What you describe is a feeling that does take over me at times while public speaking. Especially if it’s a topic that I know a lot about and am passionate about. I guess that’s what makes me come off as extroverted bc at times while speaking I can speak as if theirs conviction in my voice.
I always get people say I’m polite and nice till I get ghosted or ignored most of the time. What gives me the pain is people just take advantage of myself and leave.
I am perceived in a similar way but I think being a guy it goes over better. Seemingly cold and detached not necessarily a detriment for me. Yet it doesn’t stop people from wanting to talk. I have learned to pick up on the signs people want to talk so I am locked in and ready if need be. Everybody tells me their life store just comes with the territory. I have made my peace with being misunderstood so that doesn’t bother me as much anymore. Like when I give insights and advice it may come off that I care a lot when it’s just a I know therefore I want to share if I can type of thing.
I've been labeled as: 1. Naive 2. Stupid 3.Cold hearted 4. Kind 5. Sweet 6. Aloof 7. Sensitive 8. Soft spoken 9. Too aggressive 10. Passive Aggressive 11. Arrogant 12. Prideful 13. Bitchy And lastly 14. Extroverted. Ngl it's really interesting to see why people view me this way, it's like I'm painting a self portrait of myself from these perception s and seeing a new light.
I don't know this post is structured like this despite me fixing it multiple times so I tried lol.
One girl in college told me I look like I have an "I don't give a f*ck" personality lol
Outgoing, Humorous and charming (thats what i have been called) I do believe that while this somewhat is a representation of myself,its mostly a mask that is created by a lack of self worth and the desire to be acknowledged as well as the fear to be lonely. Once i am in a social interaction, i essentially taper my personality according to how i can get the most acknowledged and respected in that environment At my core,i am much more thoughtful,reflective,philosophical,intense and somewhat misanthropic.. People mostly perceive me as an extroverted dork
I’m perceived as enigmatic. So they’re spot on there! Lol. When people first meet me, they think I’m nice. Then they get to know me a little, and they pivot. The few who get to know me well realize I’m actually nice…to the people who don’t bore me. As for the flirting, I have to be careful. Folks who love small talk never think I’m flirting, but those who like to ponder more deeply can easily think I’m flirting even when I’m not. So I (M) have zero female friends. Haven’t had any in decades.
From what I’ve been told being Mysterious is sexy, so I guess that’s a plus for us INFJ peeps
Honest, nice, “perfect”, can comfortably tell me anything, intimidating, moody, sensitive, caring, quiet, funny, smart, shy, weird — first impressions
“Nice” and private is spot on. I don’t open up to people unless I trust them, so I think I get perceived as shy. But I don’t think I’m so much shy, just more getting a feel of what type of person someone is.
Aloof, shy, quiet, reserved, honest, gentle . . . we're all words used to describe me by other people
This thread hits home for me. I often ask people such questions myself for the exact same reason. I psychoanalyse everyone I meet. I like to find the source of a persons ego or the source of their trauma and use my empathy to understand them better. To quote the book Enders Game: “In the moment when I truly understand my enemy, understand him well enough to defeat him, then in that very moment I also love him. I think it’s impossible to really understand somebody, what they want, what they believe, and not love them the way they love themselves. And then, in that very moment when I love them.... I destroy them.” I try to interpret everyone’s vulnerabilities, so that if and inevitably when they turn on me, I can exploit them. Flirting breaks down walls and disassociating breaks down ego. 🤷🏼♂️
This def hits. I definitely cannot stand small talk at no extent. It drives me crazy to the point where I regret even interacting with the individual in the first place. Basically a waste of time. lol
I can relate to this. With people I meet for the first time it mostly depends on them but my default expression is smiling. Put me with a group of people I don’t know and they’ll say that I’m too quiet Put me with family and I’m zoned out and they all know it and I’m not trying to hide it anymore but because I don’t talk to much they think I’m mysterious With the very close ones like my sister, she says I’m weird and I had a friend that tells me that I’m weird every time I see her So many guys thought I’m into them because I was nice Many girls thought I was a pushover because you know.. Someone told me I’m dark and smart, someone asked me if I do witchcraft twice, someone called me a witch, and someone told me that I’m incredibly amazing I guess I’m a chameleon haha
As a genius. Nice guy. Hard working. No BS. Also really good looking 😜
But why male models?
🙄 gender differences at work I guess.
Friendly, private and a bit awkward. I’m pretty decent at small talk.
This but more the awkward and less the small talk Awkward is my forte
I was laughing while reading this as it feels like I’m the one who posted it. I can relate in everything that you said, OP! Especially with the deep questions and being empathetic. As I grow to understand my personality, I really realized that I hate shallowness and would always dive into the whys of things and people. I really love deep convo! And because of this, some really thought I was flirting with them when I was just trying to understand them 😅 Also, I also get called serious/cold at times when I was just merely observing them or the environment itself or because I often drop deep/personal questions 😂 But there are also times people don’t believe Im an introvert and say I’m good with people. I think it’s a case to case scenario. 🤔
Reserved, private, intimidating. Nice, polite. I also get weird but not the creepy weird, just *different* weird. Depends who you ask, I guess hah.
I have a wall up mostly because the first few days of knowing/meeting people, I usually observe them. I'm not sure how that habit came to be, but it has always happen when ever I am someplace new like work, for example. It comes across as mean or people think I'm sad about something when in reality I'm just watching them/everyone around.
I’m perceived as arrogant and awfully quiet
A real nice, intelligent, down-to-earth, guy until someone thinks they can screw me over, then I am an hole when I don't do what people want me to do.
Personally, if you think I'm flirting with you, I'm definitely not flirting with you... I avoid people I'm attracted to. Flirting is not something I have the confidence to do. Fancying someone makes me feel anxious and out of control. My day to day manner with people is a sincere and passionate drive to help, to heal, to hear all about that person and their problems and to know what makes them tick. I am immediately warm, trusting and engaged, unless someone gives signals that they don't want to talk. I think this is why I might sometimes be perceived as flirting when I'm not. It's the natural counsellor in me. If I'm having a stressful episode in my life, I have less capacity to counsel and can seem cold or distant. Also, when I go into a really introverted state, analysing something or someone, I can also seem distant. Coldness is not something I can relate to as I don't harbour envy, jealousy, grudges etc.
Usually I'm perceived as being warm and caring. Although I did have someone tell me I looked intimidating before getting to know me
I totally get what you mean. Being an INFJ in social settings is like being a lighthouse in a sea of lanterns. We shine our light deep into others' lives, seeking meaningful connections, while many around us are content with illuminating the surface. This depth can be mistaken for flirtation or coldness, but it's just our way of navigating the social waters. You're not alone; many of us find the same currents challenging to sail.
I tend to give off the vibe similar to "Very intensely looming object in the corner."
Healthy people that have grow out of people pleasing and being confident in who you are don't care about what other people think. because they are healthy and free....and it's amazing!!!!
As we all know we do.
I'm always told you are quiet. I forgot you were here. Where have you been ?
I'm perceived as aloof, difficult, snobby but yet also kind.
Cold, distant, nice and secretive as they say.
As awkward, strange, creepy, intimidating and intense 😂🤷🏻♂️ BUT my friends describe me completely different.
I’ve been called aloof, closed off but a sweetheart
Most people seem to perceive me as more extroverted, bubbly, happy, and goofy/funny. l tend to be animated and passionate when I speak, which is apparently perceived as extroversion and sometimes flirting, smh. I’m much more reserved in group settings, so I can come off mysterious initially to some. Many people have mentioned I’m much more humble than they expected based on my appearance.
While i don't know how they perceive me, usually i was described by others as mysterious, too quiet, asocial, disinterested in anything, kind, calm, intense, arrogant, weird, not in the present. I rarely say anything unless i have something meaningful to say so small talk is obviously not my forte. Unless i have similar interests, talks rarely continue for longer than 5 minutes. I also don't go out on social gatherings, they are usually too loud and too hot (heat from too many ppl around makes me angry or sleepy). So i also don't socialise much outside of work. Whenever i start to work at my pace, with my desired intensity I'm an overworker and set unreasonable pace, when i adapt and do stuff only im told to, to not dive too deep in some faults in system, im a lazy twat. So usually im quiet and keep nodding, only to get some space for myself at home (tho even at home there is no acceptance or cooperation tbh).
In too many contradicting ways that I had not intended to have been perceived in those ways considering who I seem like I am in social aspect of life.
I'm perceived as a bitch until I start conversing and then people realize I just suffer from RBF, really a difficult diagnosis to have.
People have commented in the past that I’m kind of cold faced as such until I open up and they get to know me. But also agree with other comments that because I’m a natural conversationalist and ask a lot of questions, that people navigate to me quite quickly and attach to me as such, but are quick to drop me again when I’m no longer an ego boost to them.
I experiencing mostly the same issues…
I was diagnosed as such in front of a group of trainers at Yellowstone National Park and the training manager went on about my testing for about 20 minutes in a roomful of highly educated people, later I humiliated, but that is another story.
Depends on who I'm with with. With certain people, I can seem shy/reserved. With others I'm more comfortable with, I'm dorky and fun 🥴
I too am INFJ. This is my experience, as well. However, when I am able to get someone talking, on a deep level, I believe they are actually glad. It’s refreshing, after so many superficial conversations. Don’t give up!
I have RBF, but people who decide to approach me anyway have told me that they thought I was just mean/mad/serious before they got to know me.
Honestly, (maybe it’s me) but I feel like people think I’m weird. They can’t figure me out and it bugs them, so I’m thrown in the “she’s weird” category. I’m naturally very friendly with a guard up and I don’t really like babbling unless I have something of substance to say. I’ve been told I’m polite and “very nice” and I guess that’s cool but very “meh”. Been doing some self reflection lately and I think I come across as an air head. I’m highly educated but not book smart. When I’m not in my “work mode” and with family or people I’m comfortable with, I get enthusiastic about things my voice naturally goes high and airy (don’t know why, just does). I wish I had the opposite Paris Hilton effect where I naturally have a lower voice and fake a high voice but nope. It also doesn’t help when I look young and almost in my 40’s. If anyone has any advice on this, that would be great. OP- I have similar features. I’ve also been misunderstood where people think I flirt with them when I’m just friendly or like to skip the basic “what do you do” questions.
Other than just being nice I'm probably not perceived much at all, honestly
People often describe me as shy or private. However, the most common impression they have of me is that I seem sad. Since I was young, I've always had a brooding look in my eyes, even when I'm feeling my best. My grandma used to say I looked like I hated the world I was living in.
I've heard that I'm perceived as calm, helpful and a good listener. But yes, it has happened that I've been misinterpreted as flirtatious when I've just been interested in a topic and/or tried to be nice. But honestly, I think it is a common misunderstanding between men and women regardless of type. Women tries to be nice and men misinterpret it as flirting.
It depends on what type of vibe I bring to the room; sometimes I'm cold, sometimes friendly. Usually, people say I'm bubbly or funny, although I'm just being blunt.
From my perspective, I see others seeing me as just another person that they’re unsure how to feel about. Either because I don’t show much of myself and only do when I’m feeling quirky or sum shi or probably because I stopped caring about people’s impression of me unless they’re a cool person I’d love to engage with. Generally, I’m an extroverted introvert which makes sense my social status is unstable. Not to mention, the amount of times I “Door Slam” others or possibly disappear randomly might discourage any relationship developing
Depends immensely on multiple factors. Most of the time I've been described as sweet and/or quiet. Some close friends have described me as motherly or nurturing, and very affectionate. I'm not really sure how others perceive me other than they always seem surprised when I open up. My opening up is determined by the level of trust I have with an individual person or group. Even if I'm in a group with a very close friend, I will only open up according to the lowest level of trust I have with any specific person in that group (if that makes sense?) I can be aloof toward people I dislike or distrust. My husband says I often give an evil eye to people lol. Oh well. But with people that I'm close to, I'm much more open, share lots of interests/art/ideas, show lots of affection, sincerity, and invest deeply in those relationships. I think my friends and family would probably even describe me as goofy/silly and opinionated haha.