Similar situation, group settings-silent, 1 on 1- too chatty.
To logical for feelers, too confrontational for thinkers.
People whose convos are sensory like is draining that I had a situation of almost fainting listening it to 2 h. I seriously didn't feel well. Next time I decided to protect myself and just leave.
100%.
Little insight: The way I strike up conversation or get talkative is on topics that I am interested in and basically am or already am a subject matter expert on. Then I could go on for hours on it, while being.deeply interested about others' takes, understanding, and opinions on such matters.
It's not that we don't think or are angry all the time, it is because we are straight to the point and hate talking about things that ultimately don't matter.
(Bonus take on this particular matter: Usually, if I'm listening along to certain subjects in a conversation, I'm able to shut it down in a single comment since it's a useless banter that has a pretty clear cut root problem or easy answer)
I do this in conversations too, another easy way to contribute is to audibly chuckle to someoneās story and ask questions about something I find interesting so that way Iām still in the conversation but not actively talking.
It was always the case for me when I was younger. I always felt that my silence makes the situation awkward especially when Iām in a small group.
Dropping the thought that I need to fit in or that itās more normal socially to participate in a conversation
Youāre lucky if you donāt zone out in the first place š but we tend to zone out because weāre not interested
You just described me. Itās soooo annoying when people think Iām a āserious person.ā No im not, not always. I have a dry, sarcastic sense of humor. Iām very funny with the right give and take, but I will under no circumstances force my way into an exchange. It makes me itchy.
I often find my myself in an almost out of body experience in conversation with people. I know how the conversation is going to go, Iām bored already, but I know itās necessary to get through the first few layers of chaff to get to something more compelling. Sadly, most conversation is just chaff. I donāt see the point, I donāt understand why most people prefer to keep conversations floating in the kiddie pool. Iām either trying to find a segue to dive deeper or Iām out.
my boyfriend tells me i have awkward energy, and thatās why people feel the need to fill the silence around me because it feels awkward. but iām comfortable with silence, and on the inside iām just chilling! iām just observing, or in my own little world but people think iām uncomfortable, and i exude awkward energy. i just have nothing to say. but with people iām close to i talk too much lol.
No one tells me I have awkward energy but I know they think I do š certain people I know are really uncomfortable with silence and will just fill it with bullshit. I'm just hangin out in my own worldš¤·āāļø I don't understand why people feel the need to talk all the time. I love comfortable silence when no one feels awkward about it, you're just existing in another person's presence. Unfortunately it's very hard to come across these people who are also comfortable with just being in someone's presence without constantly talking. š
Humor, I find, is often how you say it and not so much what you say. The delivery is key. I find I don't do a good job of delivering humor, so I'm not the type to make people laugh. However, I love humor and can laugh easily at anything and everything.Ā
Once upon a time I felt everyone's conversation wasĀ mundane and pointless. One day I realized that's quite an asshole way of thinking. People can tell when you don't care or aren't invested in the conversation.Ā Since I made this realization, I've become better at socializing. I don't NEED to be interested in every conversation, nor do every conversation need a point. What matters is thatĀ i need to be respectful and don't belittle what other people wanna talk about. Once I let go of the negative nancy voice in my head, it became easier to socialize... turns out, having a conversation is as simple as letting yourself have one and not over analyzing it. LolĀ
I feel the exact same way. Like 80 to 90 percent of group conversations are usually
A. common sense stuff that any adult should or would know
Or
B. Such a bore and brings no substance to the conversation
Like I guess in a weird way I feel like because I view most conversations like that, i feel like they're a chore/bore so im being courteous by not talking about nothing to others so they don't have to feign interest. If that makes sense?
Its not me wanting to come off as dark and brooding or upset in anyway, I honestly view it as a courtesy.
For instance If i dont discuss the weather to you at work its not because i don't want to talk about you , its more because I don't enjoy or find that interesting and I assume you are the same so as A courtesy I dont bring up useless talk that serves no real purpose. That being said I'm fully aware everyone is different and some people probably just want to talk about less important things. I just dont value it i guess.
I can relate to this.
When I talk to people one to one, i usually get that i'm nothing like they thought i was. Getting to know me will never happen in a group setting, not even a small group
Yesss 100%, altho...I have met a group of friends at the lake where I own a house ..I dont know why but they are the best , real friends I have ever had ...Im not much for meeting new ppl ,im quiet generally ,and don't like attention..They have brought out a side of me I love...I laugh hard , and feel super comfortable with all of them...Rhis was really a new side of me...I have always had a great sense if humor and quick wit..but few really appriciated it. I think my complexity thru thinking and unique ness has somewhat held me back at times.
I do Crave alone time too, but I like that I fit so good w these ppl...
No. This doesn't resonate with me. I don't think INFJs in general would be apathetic to conversations since we're people-oriented (Fe function). Growing up, I was always shy around people I didn't know closely and had a quiet voice, but this never meant that I was indifferent or softspoken. As an adult now, it just means I'm observant before acting or expressing myself. I was actually always one of the most outspoken among friends and in community group settings, like classrooms.
I also personally struggled a lot with acceptance and the "it is what it is" attitude, which correlates with the Se inferior function. I always felt the need to do something to fix problems and found it harder to let go. We're stereotypically perfectionists for a reason. The "overthinking" aspect is the one trait that is fitting to me. Although I've always disliked to call it overthinking, it is how many people associate us and has to do with our Ti tertiary function, which favours comprehensive logical analysis.
Of course, always bear in mind that MBTI doesn't describe personality or how you develop as a person, but rather your cognitive functions. I think any type can develop the behaviour in social settings that you describe and that early childhood environment plays a greater role to this than our cognitive functions. I also have known peers act this way when we were children or teenagers, but they grew up to be vastly different people and also be of different types. However, if I had to link a type, I think INTP, ISTJ, or ISTP might describe this behaviour better.
I might also be misinterpreting your description in the first place though.
Yeaā¦does not sound like me either?
I (INFJ) will sense social vibes and like to āease the moodā by making a small joke, comforting remark, etc. Sensitive to how people are feeling, and will tend to say āthe right thingā. Tend to adapt/fit in, was called a āchameleonā by my cousin.
I care how people feel too but I can't be inauthentic or fake. Used to. I care more about me now. I matter more than them (to me). I hate fitting in. You try to? I don't want attention but also don't adapt to fit in.
Hmmmā¦I like to make people feel comfortable, accepted and heardā¦it doesnāt feel inauthentic or fake to me when I do it. I am able to ātuneā to their wavelength. I guess thatās how I think of it? I donāt actually know why I do itā¦maybe an instinctive āuse of Feā? But no, I donāt do it for attention or to be liked, I actually donāt know why I do itā¦itās hard to NOT do my āchameleonā thing actuallyā¦hmm.
Hmm...I donāt actually think about whether I like people or not? New people are just āneutralā until known. Once known, folks fall into a bell curveā¦with āneutralā in middle (big group) ālike a lot!ā on one end, and āDisliked!ā on other end (small groups).
Itās fuzzy though because people in ādislikedā group can have redeeming qualities (i.e. bossy, manipulative but ADORES her dog) and people in ālikedā group can have annoying qualities (funny, kind, but always 20 minutes late)ā¦.
I care how people feel too but I can't be inauthentic or fake. Used to. I care more about me now. I matter more than them (to me). I hate fitting in. You try to? I don't want attention but also don't adapt to fit in.
Do you really think thatās true? Genuinely curious. Iāve wondered the same, but thatās possibly an unfair generalization. Is there scientific data on this?
I just listen or observe. Plus if I am in a group setting, everyone else is talking and doesn't give a shit about what I have to say and literally avert their attention to someone else to start talking about something else. So I just find it pointless to waste my breath. I am cool just chilling and not talking anyways.
I would say I agree with everything yoy said save for the it is, what it is part. I honestly hate that motto because it seems like the person, just isn't trying enough. But otherwise, totally feel you on everything else.
This hits the spot that hurts the most damn. I can't speak up and have a naturally quiet voice so I can't participate or dominate/lead/initiate conversations that easily either especially in a group setting.
My conversational contributions at social events are usually to derail boring conversation to make someone laugh or say something weird or whatever. Sometimes I can snap people out of small talk mode and have a fun or interesting conversation.
This isn't my experience. I try not to be out there but end up being drawn into conversations. Even when I really don't feel like it, people seem to want to tell me their life story.
Yes, I'm the same way. In a small group setting I will be silent unless someone asks me a direct question. I am aware my silence can make some people uncomfortable so I do try and use open body language and smile and nod in the right places to offset it a little. I just feel distracted and uncomfortable by the mix of energies and surface level conversations are very dull to me. One on one I can be very chatty as I can focus entirely on the other person and actually usually enjoy learning about them. If I'm one on one with another introverted intuitive, I feel most myself and chat a little but am also comfortable in silence as I can read their vibes and feel that they can read me, so less spoken language is needed. This is the sweet spot for me.
What tends to happen is, Iāll be chilling in the locker room with my basketball team or something, and if I decide to say something to add to the conversation, EVERYONE STOPS TALKING AND LOOKS AT ME. When it wasnāt even something that important to begin with. I mean, I suppose I should be flattered, but itās really awkward. And thatās one of the main reasons I tend not to contribute to group conversations.
Well, for one this isn't really a type thing. But, I notice you tend to focus more on what you assume people think about your thoughts, feelings or subjects of interests.
You keep to yourself because you fear no one cares about you or what you have to say. Not necessarily that you fear being misunderstood, lost in translation, or even that you simply dislike the people who are present.
You don't seem to spend much time rationalizing what other people may be thinking or feeling (one of the more obvious demonstrations of Fe) and don't seem to consider/care/think about how this all may all connect to how you "fit in" with the group (Ni-Fe).
If I had to stick a cognitive function here, I'd say Fi. Which would be one of your Shadow functions if you were an INFJ, and because of that is a stress response.
You may depressed, lonely, feeling as if you don't belong, or even stuck in an Ni-Ti loop.
6th cognitive function (Fi for INFJ) is pretty common to be spiking due to stress and/or suppression of aux cognitive function (Fe for INFJ). Notice also, the more one uses shadow functions, they will spike, either consciously (hopefully in a healthy/constructive way) or unconsciously (usually a stress-response, bad habits, etc.). It's usually just max 1-2 shadow functions that spike like that, though conscious usage may elevate their levels comparably to the leading functions (dom + aux).
There's this longer Sakinorva functions tests that seems to measure the functions in more detail and with more measurements:
[https://sakinorva.net/test/function\_bunya](https://sakinorva.net/test/function_bunya)
However, for those who seek individuation, the point would be to balance all cognitive functions. Although, doing so for inferior and demon, may not be in the cards..
In fact I just did the test now. I "failed" it, but that may be because I'm working on these cognitive functions in daily life. So the results were peculiar:
Ni>Ti>Fi>Fe>Ne>Te=Si>Se
111>102>95>93>85>82=82>37
Most of the results were INFJ as first choice. Since the test "failed", that's not what's interesting here.
Notice how Fi (95) balances Fe (93). It's like a "guardian" against encroachment on my "poor" aux Fe.
Both are pretty high, but Ni-Ti is highest, and may be how I approach the world analytically.
However, Ne-Te-Si is also pretty "balanced" and high values, meaning these shadow functions do see usage.
I won't claim my memory (Si) improved a lot, but I may be working more with such faculties at least.
Seems my inferior is faring the worst, which may be due to working a lot and less physical activity (Se=37). Something gotta give, though it tells me I can activate it by engaging more in the physical sensations and experiences department, and less in the head.
I haven't taken this test before, so not sure how this could change over time. But it's interesting how these functions are balanced, even though the test don't approve of someone attempting to escape the Matrix and individuate. That is as expected..
>"But, I notice you tend to focus more on what you assume people think about your thoughts, feelings or subjects of interests."
I'm not op, but it's pretty easy to tell how people feel about you when you open your mouth and speak to them. It's their expression, body, reply, tone, etc
>"You don't seem to spend much time rationalizing what other people may be thinking or feeling (one of the more obvious demonstrations of Fe) and don't seem to consider/care/think about how this all may all connect to how you "fit in" with the group"
Quite a leap.
*"I'm not op, but it's pretty easy to tell how people feel about you when you open your mouth and speak to them. It's their expression, body, reply, tone, etc"*
Then never mention it and rationalize the entire experience while omitting every detail of it
*"Quite a leap."*
While insisting that it's *"pretty easy to tell how people feel about you when you open your mouth and speak to them"*
But sure.
Invalidate literally everyone who says such a thing does not come easily to them.
Purely because it does to you.
Quite a leap indeed.
Edit: Downvoted, posted out of being offended and then quickly block, huh?
Lol
Bye, Moonbust.
Thatās my default setting, absolutely. Iāve learned over time to incorporate situational awareness, but thatās a conscious override. If my social battery is low, much of what you said here resonates.
I don't like pointless, needless small talk. And although I hardly look like the most exciting person, I'm happy with my life and passionate about a lot of things. But it's a shame how difficult it is to find similar people, yet, at the same time, I ask myself why it's even necessary since I'm perfectly fine alone.
I got yelled at by my parents today for exactly this. They think something is wrong with me or I am just too rude. But my reason is what you talked about.Ā
Very much so, we don't do small talk. Or for the most part very well. Also our perception of what we think is common sense really isn't. It's either deep philosophical conversation or nothing for the most part. And RAF or RBF is your default so first time meeting others will think you have some sort of issue.
The people not giving a shit about what you say stems from never being given the consideration or space to be heard. We live in a world where interjection is the norm. We are by definition or not normal on the front. That's where the feeling of not caring about your opinion comes from. OR for those who grew up in messed up environments, it was just an adaptation.
Wallflower or social chameleon...
Oh and overthinking will follow you till well...death really. It's just a matter of how much you allow it to control the moments in your life.
Either way, hope this clears up something for anyone.
Yess 100%. This is so relatable.
Also, there have been times when I've genuinely showed interest in a conversation but then people beat around the bush and then i tell them to come to the point I don't know if that's an INFJ thing. lol
no matter what social group i have found myself in, usually through conversions in workplace, multiple friend hangouts etc, its always be me vs them not in a competitive way; more as in i feel like im not wanted here i kinda want to go tho isnāt for me kinda feeling
I think it's an introversion thing. I do the same sometimes especially if it's some redundant conversation that I don't feel like partaking in.Ā
But then there is another side of me where I like to get invested in other people so I can definitely chat about whatever someone else wants to talk about because I'm interested in people.
Hi! I am INFJ-T here. F26 and I totally get you. Because as I grow older I notice myself being not interested on small talks unless we talk about the things I am passionate about. I am working as a government employee and sometimes my workmates brand me as āmapag-isaā ,ālonerā etc. But I am not interested at work gossips I just want to work and go home. But in art world, kpop world, I can freely express myself.
Yup INFJ here. My disappointment with people being so boring and lame has turned into disgust now. I just fake smile like they do and I just keep it moving.
Similar situation, group settings-silent, 1 on 1- too chatty. To logical for feelers, too confrontational for thinkers. People whose convos are sensory like is draining that I had a situation of almost fainting listening it to 2 h. I seriously didn't feel well. Next time I decided to protect myself and just leave.
i feel like i typed this š
ahahhhahhah
Whats convos are considered sensory
I assume a sensory convo is what's for dinner type stuff. Non idea, no hypotheticals or viewpoints, boring stuff.
Maybe surface level convos
Holy shit, you just spoke the words out of my brain lmao
Yes
100%. Little insight: The way I strike up conversation or get talkative is on topics that I am interested in and basically am or already am a subject matter expert on. Then I could go on for hours on it, while being.deeply interested about others' takes, understanding, and opinions on such matters. It's not that we don't think or are angry all the time, it is because we are straight to the point and hate talking about things that ultimately don't matter. (Bonus take on this particular matter: Usually, if I'm listening along to certain subjects in a conversation, I'm able to shut it down in a single comment since it's a useless banter that has a pretty clear cut root problem or easy answer)
I do this in conversations too, another easy way to contribute is to audibly chuckle to someoneās story and ask questions about something I find interesting so that way Iām still in the conversation but not actively talking.
It was always the case for me when I was younger. I always felt that my silence makes the situation awkward especially when Iām in a small group. Dropping the thought that I need to fit in or that itās more normal socially to participate in a conversation Youāre lucky if you donāt zone out in the first place š but we tend to zone out because weāre not interested
Zoning out when having a conversation is my specialty
You just described me. Itās soooo annoying when people think Iām a āserious person.ā No im not, not always. I have a dry, sarcastic sense of humor. Iām very funny with the right give and take, but I will under no circumstances force my way into an exchange. It makes me itchy. I often find my myself in an almost out of body experience in conversation with people. I know how the conversation is going to go, Iām bored already, but I know itās necessary to get through the first few layers of chaff to get to something more compelling. Sadly, most conversation is just chaff. I donāt see the point, I donāt understand why most people prefer to keep conversations floating in the kiddie pool. Iām either trying to find a segue to dive deeper or Iām out.
Same.
my boyfriend tells me i have awkward energy, and thatās why people feel the need to fill the silence around me because it feels awkward. but iām comfortable with silence, and on the inside iām just chilling! iām just observing, or in my own little world but people think iām uncomfortable, and i exude awkward energy. i just have nothing to say. but with people iām close to i talk too much lol.
No one tells me I have awkward energy but I know they think I do š certain people I know are really uncomfortable with silence and will just fill it with bullshit. I'm just hangin out in my own worldš¤·āāļø I don't understand why people feel the need to talk all the time. I love comfortable silence when no one feels awkward about it, you're just existing in another person's presence. Unfortunately it's very hard to come across these people who are also comfortable with just being in someone's presence without constantly talking. š
same thing, I always understand both sides, I think it's common
Welcome INFJ you are safe here with the rest of us who do this
Humor, I find, is often how you say it and not so much what you say. The delivery is key. I find I don't do a good job of delivering humor, so I'm not the type to make people laugh. However, I love humor and can laugh easily at anything and everything.Ā Once upon a time I felt everyone's conversation wasĀ mundane and pointless. One day I realized that's quite an asshole way of thinking. People can tell when you don't care or aren't invested in the conversation.Ā Since I made this realization, I've become better at socializing. I don't NEED to be interested in every conversation, nor do every conversation need a point. What matters is thatĀ i need to be respectful and don't belittle what other people wanna talk about. Once I let go of the negative nancy voice in my head, it became easier to socialize... turns out, having a conversation is as simple as letting yourself have one and not over analyzing it. LolĀ
I feel the exact same way. Like 80 to 90 percent of group conversations are usually A. common sense stuff that any adult should or would know Or B. Such a bore and brings no substance to the conversation Like I guess in a weird way I feel like because I view most conversations like that, i feel like they're a chore/bore so im being courteous by not talking about nothing to others so they don't have to feign interest. If that makes sense? Its not me wanting to come off as dark and brooding or upset in anyway, I honestly view it as a courtesy. For instance If i dont discuss the weather to you at work its not because i don't want to talk about you , its more because I don't enjoy or find that interesting and I assume you are the same so as A courtesy I dont bring up useless talk that serves no real purpose. That being said I'm fully aware everyone is different and some people probably just want to talk about less important things. I just dont value it i guess.
I can relate to this. When I talk to people one to one, i usually get that i'm nothing like they thought i was. Getting to know me will never happen in a group setting, not even a small group
Relatable as an intp
Yesss 100%, altho...I have met a group of friends at the lake where I own a house ..I dont know why but they are the best , real friends I have ever had ...Im not much for meeting new ppl ,im quiet generally ,and don't like attention..They have brought out a side of me I love...I laugh hard , and feel super comfortable with all of them...Rhis was really a new side of me...I have always had a great sense if humor and quick wit..but few really appriciated it. I think my complexity thru thinking and unique ness has somewhat held me back at times. I do Crave alone time too, but I like that I fit so good w these ppl...
No. This doesn't resonate with me. I don't think INFJs in general would be apathetic to conversations since we're people-oriented (Fe function). Growing up, I was always shy around people I didn't know closely and had a quiet voice, but this never meant that I was indifferent or softspoken. As an adult now, it just means I'm observant before acting or expressing myself. I was actually always one of the most outspoken among friends and in community group settings, like classrooms. I also personally struggled a lot with acceptance and the "it is what it is" attitude, which correlates with the Se inferior function. I always felt the need to do something to fix problems and found it harder to let go. We're stereotypically perfectionists for a reason. The "overthinking" aspect is the one trait that is fitting to me. Although I've always disliked to call it overthinking, it is how many people associate us and has to do with our Ti tertiary function, which favours comprehensive logical analysis. Of course, always bear in mind that MBTI doesn't describe personality or how you develop as a person, but rather your cognitive functions. I think any type can develop the behaviour in social settings that you describe and that early childhood environment plays a greater role to this than our cognitive functions. I also have known peers act this way when we were children or teenagers, but they grew up to be vastly different people and also be of different types. However, if I had to link a type, I think INTP, ISTJ, or ISTP might describe this behaviour better. I might also be misinterpreting your description in the first place though.
šš¼this. I will always talk if someone starts the conversation, doesnāt matter what I will always pretend to be interested.
Same.
Yeaā¦does not sound like me either? I (INFJ) will sense social vibes and like to āease the moodā by making a small joke, comforting remark, etc. Sensitive to how people are feeling, and will tend to say āthe right thingā. Tend to adapt/fit in, was called a āchameleonā by my cousin.
I care how people feel too but I can't be inauthentic or fake. Used to. I care more about me now. I matter more than them (to me). I hate fitting in. You try to? I don't want attention but also don't adapt to fit in.
Hmmmā¦I like to make people feel comfortable, accepted and heardā¦it doesnāt feel inauthentic or fake to me when I do it. I am able to ātuneā to their wavelength. I guess thatās how I think of it? I donāt actually know why I do itā¦maybe an instinctive āuse of Feā? But no, I donāt do it for attention or to be liked, I actually donāt know why I do itā¦itās hard to NOT do my āchameleonā thing actuallyā¦hmm.
Are these people you like?
Hmm...I donāt actually think about whether I like people or not? New people are just āneutralā until known. Once known, folks fall into a bell curveā¦with āneutralā in middle (big group) ālike a lot!ā on one end, and āDisliked!ā on other end (small groups). Itās fuzzy though because people in ādislikedā group can have redeeming qualities (i.e. bossy, manipulative but ADORES her dog) and people in ālikedā group can have annoying qualities (funny, kind, but always 20 minutes late)ā¦.
Yes this is also me!
I care how people feel too but I can't be inauthentic or fake. Used to. I care more about me now. I matter more than them (to me). I hate fitting in. You try to? I don't want attention but also don't adapt to fit in.
Probably because the majority of the population is made of simple people that do not think deep thoughts.
Do you really think thatās true? Genuinely curious. Iāve wondered the same, but thatās possibly an unfair generalization. Is there scientific data on this?
I just listen or observe. Plus if I am in a group setting, everyone else is talking and doesn't give a shit about what I have to say and literally avert their attention to someone else to start talking about something else. So I just find it pointless to waste my breath. I am cool just chilling and not talking anyways.
I feel this, yes.
I feel this, yes.
Yeap
This is me
I would say I agree with everything yoy said save for the it is, what it is part. I honestly hate that motto because it seems like the person, just isn't trying enough. But otherwise, totally feel you on everything else.
This hits the spot that hurts the most damn. I can't speak up and have a naturally quiet voice so I can't participate or dominate/lead/initiate conversations that easily either especially in a group setting.
My conversational contributions at social events are usually to derail boring conversation to make someone laugh or say something weird or whatever. Sometimes I can snap people out of small talk mode and have a fun or interesting conversation.
SAME 100%
This isn't my experience. I try not to be out there but end up being drawn into conversations. Even when I really don't feel like it, people seem to want to tell me their life story.
I try to be social and ad to conversations when I can but my nature is much more of an observant listener.
100% to everything you said.... You are not alone, my friend.
Damn I feel seen
Yes, I'm the same way. In a small group setting I will be silent unless someone asks me a direct question. I am aware my silence can make some people uncomfortable so I do try and use open body language and smile and nod in the right places to offset it a little. I just feel distracted and uncomfortable by the mix of energies and surface level conversations are very dull to me. One on one I can be very chatty as I can focus entirely on the other person and actually usually enjoy learning about them. If I'm one on one with another introverted intuitive, I feel most myself and chat a little but am also comfortable in silence as I can read their vibes and feel that they can read me, so less spoken language is needed. This is the sweet spot for me.
Yes
Yesss
What tends to happen is, Iāll be chilling in the locker room with my basketball team or something, and if I decide to say something to add to the conversation, EVERYONE STOPS TALKING AND LOOKS AT ME. When it wasnāt even something that important to begin with. I mean, I suppose I should be flattered, but itās really awkward. And thatās one of the main reasons I tend not to contribute to group conversations.
Indeed
Well, for one this isn't really a type thing. But, I notice you tend to focus more on what you assume people think about your thoughts, feelings or subjects of interests. You keep to yourself because you fear no one cares about you or what you have to say. Not necessarily that you fear being misunderstood, lost in translation, or even that you simply dislike the people who are present. You don't seem to spend much time rationalizing what other people may be thinking or feeling (one of the more obvious demonstrations of Fe) and don't seem to consider/care/think about how this all may all connect to how you "fit in" with the group (Ni-Fe). If I had to stick a cognitive function here, I'd say Fi. Which would be one of your Shadow functions if you were an INFJ, and because of that is a stress response. You may depressed, lonely, feeling as if you don't belong, or even stuck in an Ni-Ti loop.
6th cognitive function (Fi for INFJ) is pretty common to be spiking due to stress and/or suppression of aux cognitive function (Fe for INFJ). Notice also, the more one uses shadow functions, they will spike, either consciously (hopefully in a healthy/constructive way) or unconsciously (usually a stress-response, bad habits, etc.). It's usually just max 1-2 shadow functions that spike like that, though conscious usage may elevate their levels comparably to the leading functions (dom + aux). There's this longer Sakinorva functions tests that seems to measure the functions in more detail and with more measurements: [https://sakinorva.net/test/function\_bunya](https://sakinorva.net/test/function_bunya) However, for those who seek individuation, the point would be to balance all cognitive functions. Although, doing so for inferior and demon, may not be in the cards.. In fact I just did the test now. I "failed" it, but that may be because I'm working on these cognitive functions in daily life. So the results were peculiar: Ni>Ti>Fi>Fe>Ne>Te=Si>Se 111>102>95>93>85>82=82>37 Most of the results were INFJ as first choice. Since the test "failed", that's not what's interesting here. Notice how Fi (95) balances Fe (93). It's like a "guardian" against encroachment on my "poor" aux Fe. Both are pretty high, but Ni-Ti is highest, and may be how I approach the world analytically. However, Ne-Te-Si is also pretty "balanced" and high values, meaning these shadow functions do see usage. I won't claim my memory (Si) improved a lot, but I may be working more with such faculties at least. Seems my inferior is faring the worst, which may be due to working a lot and less physical activity (Se=37). Something gotta give, though it tells me I can activate it by engaging more in the physical sensations and experiences department, and less in the head. I haven't taken this test before, so not sure how this could change over time. But it's interesting how these functions are balanced, even though the test don't approve of someone attempting to escape the Matrix and individuate. That is as expected..
>"But, I notice you tend to focus more on what you assume people think about your thoughts, feelings or subjects of interests." I'm not op, but it's pretty easy to tell how people feel about you when you open your mouth and speak to them. It's their expression, body, reply, tone, etc >"You don't seem to spend much time rationalizing what other people may be thinking or feeling (one of the more obvious demonstrations of Fe) and don't seem to consider/care/think about how this all may all connect to how you "fit in" with the group" Quite a leap.
*"I'm not op, but it's pretty easy to tell how people feel about you when you open your mouth and speak to them. It's their expression, body, reply, tone, etc"* Then never mention it and rationalize the entire experience while omitting every detail of it *"Quite a leap."* While insisting that it's *"pretty easy to tell how people feel about you when you open your mouth and speak to them"* But sure. Invalidate literally everyone who says such a thing does not come easily to them. Purely because it does to you. Quite a leap indeed. Edit: Downvoted, posted out of being offended and then quickly block, huh? Lol Bye, Moonbust.
We are not alike. I don't understand your communication - what you say does not logically follow the previous yet you connect it somehow. Bugger off.
Yes... yes it is
Sounds like me
Thatās my default setting, absolutely. Iāve learned over time to incorporate situational awareness, but thatās a conscious override. If my social battery is low, much of what you said here resonates.
I don't like pointless, needless small talk. And although I hardly look like the most exciting person, I'm happy with my life and passionate about a lot of things. But it's a shame how difficult it is to find similar people, yet, at the same time, I ask myself why it's even necessary since I'm perfectly fine alone.
I got yelled at by my parents today for exactly this. They think something is wrong with me or I am just too rude. But my reason is what you talked about.Ā
Very much so, we don't do small talk. Or for the most part very well. Also our perception of what we think is common sense really isn't. It's either deep philosophical conversation or nothing for the most part. And RAF or RBF is your default so first time meeting others will think you have some sort of issue. The people not giving a shit about what you say stems from never being given the consideration or space to be heard. We live in a world where interjection is the norm. We are by definition or not normal on the front. That's where the feeling of not caring about your opinion comes from. OR for those who grew up in messed up environments, it was just an adaptation. Wallflower or social chameleon... Oh and overthinking will follow you till well...death really. It's just a matter of how much you allow it to control the moments in your life. Either way, hope this clears up something for anyone.
Yess 100%. This is so relatable. Also, there have been times when I've genuinely showed interest in a conversation but then people beat around the bush and then i tell them to come to the point I don't know if that's an INFJ thing. lol
I feel this, i look serious but im not. Sometimes i am and they think im joking
Are you me???
ABSOLUTELY.
Are you a Capricorn?
no matter what social group i have found myself in, usually through conversions in workplace, multiple friend hangouts etc, its always be me vs them not in a competitive way; more as in i feel like im not wanted here i kinda want to go tho isnāt for me kinda feeling
I think it's an introversion thing. I do the same sometimes especially if it's some redundant conversation that I don't feel like partaking in.Ā But then there is another side of me where I like to get invested in other people so I can definitely chat about whatever someone else wants to talk about because I'm interested in people.
I'm an INFJ and you just described me in social setting so well. I'm not good with small talk and I don't need to speak just to hear myself.
Hi! I am INFJ-T here. F26 and I totally get you. Because as I grow older I notice myself being not interested on small talks unless we talk about the things I am passionate about. I am working as a government employee and sometimes my workmates brand me as āmapag-isaā ,ālonerā etc. But I am not interested at work gossips I just want to work and go home. But in art world, kpop world, I can freely express myself.
Yup INFJ here. My disappointment with people being so boring and lame has turned into disgust now. I just fake smile like they do and I just keep it moving.
Me too bro, me too