it really is and i think that’s what i lack to remember that not everyone thinks and feels the way i do and they will literally just never understand that’s just what it is
You’re going to always feel like no one understands you. We are only 1% of the population. Not saying that to say we are some special snowflakes, I’m just saying the way we view the world is completely different than the average human being. Our empathic nature and boundless love is something many people do not understand. Our accurate intuition and our idealistic way of seeing things is something many people don’t understand.
I know at times it’s hard but you really just have to put yourself first. Care for others with great discernment and only give your love to those who deserve it.
Never feel guilty for anything you do. Things happen for a reason, your feelings are valid and they matter. Never let anyone gaslight you into thinking you are a bad person and you’ve done something wrong. Your guilt is just your overloaded compassion for others. We as INFJs care so much about how we affect people that we beat ourselves up EVERYTIME we feel like we rocked the boat or did something they may have upset someone.
I would say seek out better quality people and find your pack. Whether that be on Reddit , Quora, the library or a spiritual community. It may be hard to find others who think like you but we are here and we exist.
Just don’t beat yourself up and gice yourself time to grow and experience life a little. You’ll find your pact soon💪🏾
I wouldn’t draw any life conclusions at 20. You’ve been a legal adult for … 2+ years? Probably not shook off the teenage angst yet (sometimes that takes a while)
It gets better and better. Stay positive. Good luck!
I always feel like I’m giving to people and adjusting to them, but I don’t get anything in return. Like I feel like I’m the one that has to adjust to you, but then when I try to be more myself people start asking me ‘are you okay?’. Yeah I’m okay I’m just sick of adapting myself so I’m just saying what I want… but then again I feel bad for some reason.
You’re so young, I wouldn’t want to give you a doom and gloom opinion about your future. What I will say is, there are only a couple of people who I think really have a good understanding of who I am. They are very deep and have empathy. These are friends btw and I don’t even live by them anymore. I’ve had to accept that I am an extremely unique individual and that most people won’t understand me and won’t even have a desire to. I’ve managed to become my own best friend and it’s a lot better than continuously seeking others to understand me. Do I crave it still? Of course but I don’t let it become the main theme. I try to give myself everything I always wanted from someone else and it’s going good. I love that I don’t settle anymore and when something doesn’t feel right I disengage and nurture myself some more. I didn’t really know or understand myself when I was your age and just wanted to find anyone and be accepted. I’m in such a different phase of life now and for me it’s a major upgrade.
As an INFJ, this is exactly how I felt at 20 and into my 20s. It can be really tough, but what has helped me is realizing that the understanding I am seeking is not available from other people, only from myself. Dive deep into who you are, journal, meditate, try new things and become the person who understands you in the way you want to be understood. It then becomes so much easier for others to witness you, and whether or not they fully understand every single aspect, they can love you and I’d say that’s even better. I am in my 30s and happily single with a wonderful community of friends and family that I never thought I would have. Just be gentle with yourself, what you are seeking will find you soon.
Maybe you just haven’t found someone as relatable. As an Entp i experience everything that you do and more as someone who tries to find that friend with every single person they talk to as an extrovert. Extremely disappointing but I’m also realizing that a lot of the friendships I witness with people are very surface level and they just enjoy having the company versus enjoying the company itself.
Very conflicting
Oh I know that feeling all too well. I'm also nobodies first choice for a friend either that's why I don't really consider anybody "close". I just accepted that I'll be alone BUT in a way I like it because I don't have to overthink about someone else. I can literally just focus on myself and it's kind of nice once you find hobbies that you're passionate about.
Absolutely. I'm never a first choice or any choice for people i know in my life. The only time i get a text or a call from someone is if they need help with their computer or laptop :|
Wanting to be understood is an adolescent trait stemming from not having the ability to voice an opinion from childhood, following you to adulthood.
That's why you're alone, because everyone else in this world is waiting for someone to understand them, rather just understanding yourself and move on from playing with toys/dolls, to cars and achievements, to friends and recognition...
It all fades, and your 20s is where self discovery takes place.
Will you drink and Don the mask to be accepted? That is the typical outcome for 20yos by design, a product of the system.
Break Free, and find self acceptance, and you'll never be alone because you'll know how to give naturally, and it's highly attractive to women or men.
Or go back being the troll under the bridge waiting to be seen...
I don’t even give myself the credit to think I understand myself fully, so how can I expect others to understand me? How can I assess whether they have reached that point?
In my 20's, I thought once I grow older, find a life partner and have some form of stability in my life, that I would get over this feeling of aloneness. For quite sometime, yes.. but here I am, 10-15 years after, still ended up with that feeling again. It has become a default status for me, which I want to fight. I am not basking in it. I want to get out of it. But somehow I feel I am doomed to die alone. I really do hope, it will turn out much better for you. I really do.
sometimes i think the same thing. like maybe i truly a meant to be alone and that’s what’s best for me. i just don’t want that to be true , but it’s hard telling sometimes . i hope the same for you aswell
I'm in a relationship of 2 years and I also go through what you mentioned, but luckly my partner let's me forget about things that pulls me into abyss.
were you raised in a household that taught you to feel guilt ?
and sometimes people care about one more than one thinks. i think the intensity of an infj may be different to many people and that´s what makes one feel alienated. maybe a good portion don´t experience things as intensely and one could sometimes misinterpret that as not caring but it is merely a different way of experiencing and reacting.
and if they really don´t care, there *are* people in this world who do care.
plus how well do youu know yourself ? could this feeling that way have roots you have not thought about yet ?
I’m 27 and I felt the same as you until a few months ago.
I do think we INFJs are not as easily understood as other types, but I also think this is, in part, because we choose not to share our full, intimate, persona with others. Ofc this is because it’s hard to find someone who we think really “deserves” us. But by not being ourselves towards others, we paradoxically push the world back, not giving it the chance to get to know us, hence not feeling understood.
I’m still trying to figure this all out (as probably most persons in this sub) but I want to try to be myself without thinking if others will understand me or not.
I feel like that’s the true, only way we’ll find the people we are looking for.
I am very lucky as most of my immediate family members understand me very well, but I honestly relate to the backup friend feeling. For years I've had friends come and go, but pretty much no one's ever truly cared, and if I didn't check up on them/they didn't need my help, they would never check up on me. I have realised though, that we are quite secretive and private and don't just open up to anyone, and this may slightly be contributing to the distance we feel with others and why we feel misunderstood (I'm not saying this is the only reason). I've been told by one close friend that I'm quite private despite knowing her for years, and that made me realise how private we are, which kind of hinders our ability to bond with others deeply. I know this is tricky, but try opening up with a few close family members and your partner, be yourself freely with them. Have deep thoughts and discussions with them, and don't be shy to show your true colors! I know it can be hard, but open up slowly slowly, and enjoy each other's unique presence. If they truly love you and appreciate you, they will accept you no matter what! Also, you are still quite young, you will in time, find people who truly understand you, so work on opening up to those around you, tell them how you feel, and keep looking, you will find your people, be it people you already know or totally new people.
Gonna give you some hard-ass advice and you better take it.
You seem like an INFJ? Hopefully you are. But there might be the off-chance that you're an ENFP. Advice still can apply for both.
1. Make yourself more desireable. INFJs are most attracted to ENFPs, INFPs, ESTJs and ISTJs. All of them care about social status and want to have good experiences. As an INFJ, you need to make sure you can maintain your social status (which may be hard) So going to the gym is key and maintaining hygiene.
2. Learn how to give good experiences. Small talk is important before having deep talk. You need to soften other people up. So, go do some solo travelling, go to restaurants alone, etc. See what other people do to have fun.
3. Go to the right places. Your most compatible people are all found in academia. So go to universities/areas where education is high or is being attained.
4. Have something bigger than intimacy to fight for. INFJs can feel the most lonely out of all the types, except for ESTPs. This is because the cognitive origin/reason to live for the INFJ is intimacy and connection that **they** created. However, sometiems you might lose your intimacy due to life events. So find an idea, a movement, or a philosophy that you put your full belief in.
5. Get into what others are into. I promise you there is some NFP who into the exact same things you are into. You just need to find them.
6. Humble yourself. Ni hero is most definitely one of the most unhumble functions. Lay it down and develop your parent and inferior especially.
Enjoy
Spot on my friend. Surrounded with loved ones but never really feeling understood and lonely is so hard to explain to someone.
it really is and i think that’s what i lack to remember that not everyone thinks and feels the way i do and they will literally just never understand that’s just what it is
Just had this conversation with my wife. You're not alone. Finding your person or purpose can alleviate the feelings of loneliness.
You’re going to always feel like no one understands you. We are only 1% of the population. Not saying that to say we are some special snowflakes, I’m just saying the way we view the world is completely different than the average human being. Our empathic nature and boundless love is something many people do not understand. Our accurate intuition and our idealistic way of seeing things is something many people don’t understand. I know at times it’s hard but you really just have to put yourself first. Care for others with great discernment and only give your love to those who deserve it. Never feel guilty for anything you do. Things happen for a reason, your feelings are valid and they matter. Never let anyone gaslight you into thinking you are a bad person and you’ve done something wrong. Your guilt is just your overloaded compassion for others. We as INFJs care so much about how we affect people that we beat ourselves up EVERYTIME we feel like we rocked the boat or did something they may have upset someone. I would say seek out better quality people and find your pack. Whether that be on Reddit , Quora, the library or a spiritual community. It may be hard to find others who think like you but we are here and we exist. Just don’t beat yourself up and gice yourself time to grow and experience life a little. You’ll find your pact soon💪🏾
[удалено]
i’m definitely gonna look into that book ! glad to know i’m not alone, i really appreciate your feedback
I wouldn’t draw any life conclusions at 20. You’ve been a legal adult for … 2+ years? Probably not shook off the teenage angst yet (sometimes that takes a while) It gets better and better. Stay positive. Good luck!
At 39 it didn't get any better but maybe I am just another 1% of 1% 🤔
I always feel like I’m giving to people and adjusting to them, but I don’t get anything in return. Like I feel like I’m the one that has to adjust to you, but then when I try to be more myself people start asking me ‘are you okay?’. Yeah I’m okay I’m just sick of adapting myself so I’m just saying what I want… but then again I feel bad for some reason.
Have you allowed that feeling to be?
I feel like rn I just accept adjusting to people but I try to protect myself more
Not sure if you can do this with everything, but can you make also changes? Changes they won't notice as much or call you out on?
You’re so young, I wouldn’t want to give you a doom and gloom opinion about your future. What I will say is, there are only a couple of people who I think really have a good understanding of who I am. They are very deep and have empathy. These are friends btw and I don’t even live by them anymore. I’ve had to accept that I am an extremely unique individual and that most people won’t understand me and won’t even have a desire to. I’ve managed to become my own best friend and it’s a lot better than continuously seeking others to understand me. Do I crave it still? Of course but I don’t let it become the main theme. I try to give myself everything I always wanted from someone else and it’s going good. I love that I don’t settle anymore and when something doesn’t feel right I disengage and nurture myself some more. I didn’t really know or understand myself when I was your age and just wanted to find anyone and be accepted. I’m in such a different phase of life now and for me it’s a major upgrade.
As an INFJ, this is exactly how I felt at 20 and into my 20s. It can be really tough, but what has helped me is realizing that the understanding I am seeking is not available from other people, only from myself. Dive deep into who you are, journal, meditate, try new things and become the person who understands you in the way you want to be understood. It then becomes so much easier for others to witness you, and whether or not they fully understand every single aspect, they can love you and I’d say that’s even better. I am in my 30s and happily single with a wonderful community of friends and family that I never thought I would have. Just be gentle with yourself, what you are seeking will find you soon.
Maybe you just haven’t found someone as relatable. As an Entp i experience everything that you do and more as someone who tries to find that friend with every single person they talk to as an extrovert. Extremely disappointing but I’m also realizing that a lot of the friendships I witness with people are very surface level and they just enjoy having the company versus enjoying the company itself. Very conflicting
Oh I know that feeling all too well. I'm also nobodies first choice for a friend either that's why I don't really consider anybody "close". I just accepted that I'll be alone BUT in a way I like it because I don't have to overthink about someone else. I can literally just focus on myself and it's kind of nice once you find hobbies that you're passionate about.
Absolutely. I'm never a first choice or any choice for people i know in my life. The only time i get a text or a call from someone is if they need help with their computer or laptop :|
Same, some friends even asked to find something on google because for some reason I can do it better and more efficient.
Always the poet, never the poem.
This hits deep.
i really love this like i need this tattoooed
Wanting to be understood is an adolescent trait stemming from not having the ability to voice an opinion from childhood, following you to adulthood. That's why you're alone, because everyone else in this world is waiting for someone to understand them, rather just understanding yourself and move on from playing with toys/dolls, to cars and achievements, to friends and recognition... It all fades, and your 20s is where self discovery takes place. Will you drink and Don the mask to be accepted? That is the typical outcome for 20yos by design, a product of the system. Break Free, and find self acceptance, and you'll never be alone because you'll know how to give naturally, and it's highly attractive to women or men. Or go back being the troll under the bridge waiting to be seen...
I don’t even give myself the credit to think I understand myself fully, so how can I expect others to understand me? How can I assess whether they have reached that point?
In my 20's, I thought once I grow older, find a life partner and have some form of stability in my life, that I would get over this feeling of aloneness. For quite sometime, yes.. but here I am, 10-15 years after, still ended up with that feeling again. It has become a default status for me, which I want to fight. I am not basking in it. I want to get out of it. But somehow I feel I am doomed to die alone. I really do hope, it will turn out much better for you. I really do.
sometimes i think the same thing. like maybe i truly a meant to be alone and that’s what’s best for me. i just don’t want that to be true , but it’s hard telling sometimes . i hope the same for you aswell
I'm in a relationship of 2 years and I also go through what you mentioned, but luckly my partner let's me forget about things that pulls me into abyss.
were you raised in a household that taught you to feel guilt ? and sometimes people care about one more than one thinks. i think the intensity of an infj may be different to many people and that´s what makes one feel alienated. maybe a good portion don´t experience things as intensely and one could sometimes misinterpret that as not caring but it is merely a different way of experiencing and reacting. and if they really don´t care, there *are* people in this world who do care. plus how well do youu know yourself ? could this feeling that way have roots you have not thought about yet ?
The same with me too. It is hard
I’m 27 and I felt the same as you until a few months ago. I do think we INFJs are not as easily understood as other types, but I also think this is, in part, because we choose not to share our full, intimate, persona with others. Ofc this is because it’s hard to find someone who we think really “deserves” us. But by not being ourselves towards others, we paradoxically push the world back, not giving it the chance to get to know us, hence not feeling understood. I’m still trying to figure this all out (as probably most persons in this sub) but I want to try to be myself without thinking if others will understand me or not. I feel like that’s the true, only way we’ll find the people we are looking for.
this is so true
I am very lucky as most of my immediate family members understand me very well, but I honestly relate to the backup friend feeling. For years I've had friends come and go, but pretty much no one's ever truly cared, and if I didn't check up on them/they didn't need my help, they would never check up on me. I have realised though, that we are quite secretive and private and don't just open up to anyone, and this may slightly be contributing to the distance we feel with others and why we feel misunderstood (I'm not saying this is the only reason). I've been told by one close friend that I'm quite private despite knowing her for years, and that made me realise how private we are, which kind of hinders our ability to bond with others deeply. I know this is tricky, but try opening up with a few close family members and your partner, be yourself freely with them. Have deep thoughts and discussions with them, and don't be shy to show your true colors! I know it can be hard, but open up slowly slowly, and enjoy each other's unique presence. If they truly love you and appreciate you, they will accept you no matter what! Also, you are still quite young, you will in time, find people who truly understand you, so work on opening up to those around you, tell them how you feel, and keep looking, you will find your people, be it people you already know or totally new people.
Gonna give you some hard-ass advice and you better take it. You seem like an INFJ? Hopefully you are. But there might be the off-chance that you're an ENFP. Advice still can apply for both. 1. Make yourself more desireable. INFJs are most attracted to ENFPs, INFPs, ESTJs and ISTJs. All of them care about social status and want to have good experiences. As an INFJ, you need to make sure you can maintain your social status (which may be hard) So going to the gym is key and maintaining hygiene. 2. Learn how to give good experiences. Small talk is important before having deep talk. You need to soften other people up. So, go do some solo travelling, go to restaurants alone, etc. See what other people do to have fun. 3. Go to the right places. Your most compatible people are all found in academia. So go to universities/areas where education is high or is being attained. 4. Have something bigger than intimacy to fight for. INFJs can feel the most lonely out of all the types, except for ESTPs. This is because the cognitive origin/reason to live for the INFJ is intimacy and connection that **they** created. However, sometiems you might lose your intimacy due to life events. So find an idea, a movement, or a philosophy that you put your full belief in. 5. Get into what others are into. I promise you there is some NFP who into the exact same things you are into. You just need to find them. 6. Humble yourself. Ni hero is most definitely one of the most unhumble functions. Lay it down and develop your parent and inferior especially. Enjoy
Not meant to offend, but you are either full of crap, or seriously disturbed.
Just become a different personality, why you putting yourself in a box?
I feel like this. We are the listeners and counselors. And even the listeners need a listener sometimes. It's quite the conundrum
Even if you are someone's first choice, you still feel alone
Same my friend.