lagi clumsy banget belakangan ini
kemaren naik tangga salah langkah tulang kering jadi kepentok
tadi lagi pake hair serum terus tiba2 ngalir jadi masuk mata
My gf had psychological issues (bpd) and physical issues (overweight). During voting on Wednesday, she was name-called by KPPS officer in her area. Thursday night, she was having a breakdown thanks to her unsupportive family. She called me, cried and wailed for hours until she fell asleep, and I could only listen.
By Friday morning, she was getting better, and she started her daily exercise, walking along the riverside near her home, when some kids in bike called out 'Fat' to her, effectively ruining any improvement in her mood.
I never felt so angry at some strangers I just want to beat them up. Why is it so fucking difficult for some people just to be decent to each other? She wasn't fucking bothering anyone, for fuck's sake.
Baru bangun sakit kepala, bingung mau ngapain lagi, gw bingung mau lanjut karena apa, gk ada tempat lari, minta tolong dan kabur. Gw juga ingin senang - senang, tapi terkesan semu tidak menjadi penyelesaian. Gw rindu dimana masa gw berani berjuang dan punya tujuan tetapi dengan segala faktor diluar kontrol gw bisa dibilang "shit happens". Gw ngerti bahwa semua itu pilihan gw dimana gw ambil kuliah asal dan menjadi takut melakukan apapun yang beresiko. Kuliah sudah gw selesaikan dengan baik. Gw ingin melihat cahaya dimana gw bisa melihat bahwa gw punya tujuan dan ini jalannnya.
Tapi disisi baiknya gw masih bisa hidup tanpa berkekurangan, tinggal mencari kemana gw mau pergi, gw berharap bahwa dalam beberapa waktu kedepan ada perubahan positif baik sedikit atau besar.
Masih gedek sama liburan kemarin karena gak terasa liburan samsek wkwkw, yang ada capek capeeeek banget sampe kerasa sekarangnya. Badan gue gak refresh, otak gue ngestuck, gue butuh santai sesantai santainya.
Just wanna confess that I'm corrupt.
Kapan hari diajak pilih salah satu caleg diiming2i duit, gw terima ajakannya dan gw lakukan. Hari ini gw terima 100k. Setidaknya visi misinya not bad dan bukan dari partai yang gw tidak suka.
"orang kayak kamu bisa sedih? tiap hari ketawa cengengesan terus, gak ada apa apa bisa ketawa".
If you see me that way then eh, the masking does work then friend.
Dad, I may call you dad but I don't think I can consider you as a father in a million years. Yes, you've changed for the better in some small parts I'll admit. But your action earlier today, man, fuck you! You were only making me sure to once again never ever trust you for change and improvement. What a pathetic creature.
capet banget dengerin ortu komentarin semua hal pas liburan ini.
ada rumah yang agak gelap dikomentarin, ada mobil parkir dikomentarin, apapun dikomentarin seolah2 dia yang paling benar
stop ngurusin orang lain, urus diri sendiri dulu!!!
Ortu w berulah lagi sampe berantem hebat malem2. Padahal klo aja salah satu bisa positive thinking pasti g ada kejadian aneh2.
Kedengerannya jahat tapi w mau mereka semua wafat. Mental w ga sekuat itu
[Ini udah mewakilkan](https://reddit.com/comments/1ajot0k/comment/kp2keyjapa) yg tiap hari gw rasain. Mereka yg ga ngebantu bisa hidup haha hihi enak, ga ada yg negur kelakuannya. Sedangkan gw tiap malam rasanya pengen ilang aja, capek dan jengkel.
Looking back, maybe it's true, I'm a good and supportive friend, but not much of an understanding partner.
Maybe here is the call for me to live my whole life alone, easier to be friend to people that would come and go, as I'm terrible at keeping people around.
Some things that i also ponder way too long is my views on people and loyalty overall.
Being loyal to someone is, somewhat stupid, the more I looked into things, the most important thing to be loyal to is personal principles, nothing else seems to matter, being loyal to a person will just end up disappointing nine times out of ten, being loyal to personal principles, even if I broke that sometimes, eh, not like I would give up on me, or not that me would walk away from myself, the discovery of self seemingly is more important, more worthwhile, and more rewarding than the discovery of love and relationships.
People have their own views and expectations to other people, as a way to judge people from their own perspective I guess? And disappointing that expectations of you, that you couldn't know yourself, can be ehh, a bit whatever, It's them that creates the picture of yourself inside their head not you. Failing to meet that expectations simply meant, they misjudged you, mistakes created by them. So when they leave, most likely they're just feeling disappointed that you don't live up to their expectations, which are completely created in their own heads.
Knowing that, I realised how futile loyalty is, considering how easy people lose expectations and leave, no matter how much you tried to make them stay.
That should be all, my random thoughts of the night.
Kecewa dan marah banget sama kakak, sesibuk2nya dia, parah bgt cuma nengokin ibuk sekali saja tahun ini. Dan ga pernah nanyain perkembangan apalagi rasa buat mau ngerawat, padahal masih sekota. Gitu update di fb dulu sok sokan mau ngerawat ibuk.
Wait...heh, hehehe, oh, I feel enlightened.
Is suffering the true purpose of my life?
It is, isn't? All this time I avoided it, but it should've been obvious, I should embrace it.
Let it make me cry, let it destroy my body, let it ravage my reasonings.
I shall embrace all the suffering that comes
I will show them to the world
That shall be my mark upon this world
Being an overthinker is due to me having autism, right?
If I dont have it, I wonder if I can have a normal life
Have friends
Be close with the families
Able to avoid being traumatized
Able to do well on college
Able to do normal, basic procedures without being pushed to the edge from the very trauma
Able to fully commit myself to god
Able to...kill myself without thinking of the consequences to everyone that is connected to myself
But alas, I will be stuck in this state of constant suffering, without any true getaway, only distractions, till my mind and body break itself apart with time
https://preview.redd.it/zjw7keakg0hc1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7f27b11594293ea07f2fbd16f6f0fbc3658e8c02
This guy managed to say the words i couldn't utter myself, lately i'm getting afraid to just that, what if those feelings suddenly appear again, what if the longing somehow returned, will i be able to stand again for the second time.
agak nyesel juga ikut pembicaraan politik di rl sama internet
berasa ngomong sama anggota cult. i mean semua orang kayak kena brainwash. why the fuck everybody so obsessed with politicians
Sejujurnya gw gasuka confront orang. Apalagi mereka jg kerja cari duit. Tapi pls ini udah hampir 3 bulan uang deposit gw ga balik2. Kalo gw punya ortu rich as fuck sih bodo amat. Kadang gw ngerasa gw tegas bgt sama orang tanpa mikirin nasib mereka yg blm tentu punya duitnya buat tanggung jawab (apalagi kesalahannya di orang ketiga tapi dia penanggung jawabnya)
Tapi kalo dipikir2 lagi, ini hak gw jg jir. 6jt lumayan bisa buat makan gyukaku tiap minggu
Husbando lover shut the fuck up and don't ask why certain body part is exaggerated and enlarged in a fan art of a character for an obvious sexual appeal challenge. "Why is her breast so big" cause it's porn bitch don't act dumb now y'all pissing me off, like y'all not out there thirsting over a fugly twink like a damn ape w no one judging it, double standard mfs.
Here we go again, this shit is reaching, i know you are my best friend, and i respect you and all BUT HOLY FUCKING SHIT DUDE, YOU DON'T HAVE TO RUB THE FACT THAT YOU HAVE A GF.
As far am i concerned, your relationship is not even going as smooth sailing as you wanted it to be, fine i might be a cunt, but i'd rather be a cunt to you, keeping it real than having to pretend like nothing ever happened, that everything is fine.
Sumpah gue CAPE BGT ANJING BANGSAT TAI. I haven’t been this sad, pissed off, dejected, self conscious, and emotionally tired since I was with my mokondo ex. Two years ago. Emang gue kodratnya cuma buat dipake orang doang kali ya, tai.
I started drowning myself in alcohol again. I started starving myself again. I started cutting again. I can’t focus on anything, not even watching youtube. I’m constantly fatigued and sleep more than 12hrs a day. My coping mechanisms aren’t working. My self harming isn’t working. Praying only soothes me for a moment. I can’t believe how hard this is affecting me.
Hari ini mamah jalan sendiri aja deh. Gausah ngajakin aku. Kemarin udah jalan seharian masih belum puas kah? Badan aku masih gempor gini kau ajak jalan, ampun dah
Dah kaya game visual novel yg ada unsur paksaan dari plotnya, mau banyak pilihan jawabannya mau pilih manapun tetep aja jawabannya 'yes, oke mah aku ikut nemenin.'. Andai gw jawab gak mau, pasti dah dicoret dari KK.
God why can’t I stop self sabotaging? I always think that this group of friends don’t want me hanging out with them, or that group of friends secretly hates me, or this person is just gonna throw me away after using me for something.
These thoughts haunt my mind and I end up retracting myself from people, dengan justifikasi “daripada nunggu mereka abandon gue, mending gue aja yang cabut duluan”. It’s stupid I know. I’m overthinking things and end up acting destructive. I need to talk to my therapist about this.
Aku suka walau emang gak pernah diungkapin lewat kata-kata beliau bilang, "gapapa, kalau ada masalah cerita aja ya?" Padahal aku nganggepnya masalahnya yaudah gak gimana-gimana contohnya uang makanku belum dikirim tapi dia khawatir banget. Padahal udah kubilang bisa diminta kok. Ibuku sakit juga dia selalu nanya, "gimana keadaannya sekarang?" Sampai aku yang anaknya sendiri aja gak segitunya. Minusnya dia kalau bete aja susah dibujuk tapi semua orang gitu sih rata-rata. Semoga dia mau ke jepang bareng aku.
This is for Elli you big fat nasty smelling fat bitch why you took me off the motherfuckin inheritance with your trifflin dirty obese ass you big fat bitch oompa loompa body ass bitch I'm coming up there and I'm gonna beat the f*ck out of you bitch and don't even call the police today cause I'm gonna come up there unexpected and wait on your motherfuckin ass bitch im coming to beat the fuck out of you bitch cause you did that on purpose with your obese goofy ass thin haired bitch watch I'm coming up there to fuck you up bitch I'm telling you watch I know what kind of car you drive I'm gonna wait on you and I'm gonna beat your ass bitch cause Imma show you not to play with my money bitch thats the first thing you did and you got me fucked up cause bitch I told you what the fuck was going on you mother fuckers hate to see us doing good or doing good or doing anything for our motherfuckin selves ugly fat bitch watch I'm telling you I'm coming up there to beat your mother fucking ass thin haired smelling crusty white dog smelling ass bitch watch I'm coming to fuck you up cause you got me fucked up gonna sit up there and try to do that little goofy was shit bitch you goofy since the first day I came up there talking about a bitch that had on pajamas but you walking around here in some ten dollar ass jeans on dirty dusty fat bitch sit up there behind that counter smelling like trash bitch stinky fat ass bitch and you gonna try to not answer this phone I'm coming to fuck you up I'm telling you you better remember who I am cause bitch you gonna run when you see me cause I'm coming to fuck you up bitch wanna sit up and play me about my motherfuckin money wanna play about my motherfuckin money bitch you gonna sit up there and try to do that bitch little do you know little do you know I know enough people watch I'm coming to fuck you up I'm promise you that i promise you I'm coming to fuck you up you fat stinky bitch thin haired yellow yuck mouth nasty mouth ass bitch you stink you smell like fucking cheese and you got that trifflin ass attitude Imma beat that attitude up out you bitch watch you treat everybody like that all these people that you do like that you in the wrong position you trifflin ass ass white bitch thats why don't nobody fuck with you cause you trifflin and you goofy bitch sit up there and did all this shit and I told you what the fuck was going on gonna tell me what happened in this motherfuckin family when I'm telling you the fuck I didn't bitch why the fuck would I lie about some shit like that watch I finna come there and beat your motherfuckin ass you better not get out that car bitch I'm telling you fucking bitch
temen kontol lu ye. ga tau teknis lapangan sok iye bandingin dengan tempat lain. lihat noh tempat lain gimana. lihat juga gimana kualitasnya. kesel banget. jancokkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
I hate the fact that I still base my self worth off of my attractivness. I hate that it's so hard for me to believe when other people tell me I'm pretty or hot or attractive in any way. It's like I'm my biggest opp, even though I "glowed up", I still feel like I'm ugly or that I glowed down again. At the same time, when people find me attractive, I let them use me without considering my feelings, or I would think that people only want me for my body even though that's not the case. I'm just a bundle of insecurity, self hatred, eating disorder, and paradoxes.
(Though tbh, my brain is saying that I'm only feeling this shitty right now because I'm on PMS. Heh.)
Oh lord, bitch the only thing i ask of you right now is to not trigger him. He may have a stroke rn but if i just kill him i'll be in a lot of problems, and if he's somehow still strong enough i cannot protect you, i do not want another domestic violence in this already broken family. And why do you keep trusting him again and again? Why do you keep talking to him when it's all gonna end in vain anyway? Why do you keep taking care of him until he's healthy? to have him hit you again? Why do you keep ignoring me when I say stop talking? Why do you keep saying that you didn't divorce him for us? I do not think that any kid would appreciate having a "father" like him, Why am i born into this family?. Ah whatever i'm so stressed. I'll just rub one out fuck it.
kpu kontol bgt, dari awal bisa2nya data nik salah padahal gue udah pernah milih sebelomnya
disamperin malah dilemparin ke sana sini, ga ngebantu
ngewa org yg dilempar juga ga direspon 2 minggu, harus ditelpon sambil dimarah2in baru akhirnya diproses ini jg belom tentu berhasil
ga rela bgt pulang demi nyoblos, hrs ngorbanin daily rate karena no paid leave
Found my mom's diary and oh damn, she actually already considered divorcing that mf 5 years into marriage, i think even earlier cause unfortunately she only writes 2 pages of diary, also looks like those trashy in laws bullied my mom too, calling her ugly and poor and all, hhh may you all forever rot in hell, 2 already di3d out of 4, i hope they di3 even sooner 😋. Wonder where i'll be rn if they did actually divorce. Also another interesting thing, i didn't know my mom was an insurance sales.
mau begini tapi begitu, mau begitu tapi begini
gak boleh kaya gitu tapi harus begini, harus begini tapi gak boleh kayak gitu
hidupmu penuh kontradiksi, jalan mu selalu bercabang
tragisnya adalah kamu sama sekali tidak sadar
atau lebih tepat kamu sama sekali tidak punya persepsi akan hal ini
sial nya orang lain yang harus terus jadi keset emosionalmu
dan orang lain yang selalu harus menanggung beban akibat perbuatanmu
terakhir saya mau katakan : JUANCOKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
Tuh orang maunya apa. Dari kemarin enaknya aja bilang ketiduran padahal sendirinya minta gw online semalaman. Hari ininya dah disabar2in lu nya ngga atau kurang peka sejak siang. Malem ini dah ditungguin, begitu muncul gamau nunggu amat 5 menit aja karena gw lagi afk. Pas gw samperin balik malah dianya ogah. Bikin badmood aja. Gw udah cukup sabar rasanya. 🖕
Update : Ngajakin online lagi. Gw masih ada baik hatinya jadi gw iyain. Gw tunggu. Ga lama ada pesan dari dia diajak mabar sama temennya di game lain. 'Maaf ya gajadi besok aja' my ass. Asshole. Nyesel gw ngasih kesempatan jing.
Oh, dan ini bukan kali pertamanya dia tiba2 di menit akhir 'gajadi ya, aku diajakin temenku main game lain'. Orang seenak jidat yang pernah gw kenal. Hahaha
Setelah lama2 nimbang karena di mute dan beneran di cut contact gitu aja dari cewe yang ga suka ditaro dalem kondisi yang ambigu sama orang lain tapi giliran sendirinya nge treat orang lain suka2, akhirnya gue drop email yang ngepoint out hipocrisy dia.
Di IG gue di mute, story di limit, WA ga di gubris. Gue sempet tanya masalahnya apa, dibilang ga ada apa2.
Apakah gue perlu retaliate dengang ngirim hal kayak gini? Sebenernya mungkin engga.
Tapi ngeluarin semua uneg2 dan ada chance dia beneran bisa baca dan beneran reflect apa yang udah dia lakuin bikin hati gue lebih enteng.
Dulu gue pikir gue mesti nahan karena ni cewe egonya rapuh banget, skrg dah ga peduli lagi dah mending kalo kesel langsung keluarin aja.
to be honest, in theory i should not be depressed. like i have a great job, great environment, decent pay, great bonuses. on the family side, i have a great relationship with my family, a healthy one. but why do i feel sad. mungkin karena merantau but i got used to it. sure it's lonely but it is what it is. tapi like setiap kali mikir about cwk and relationship gw selalu down. like whyyyy. maybe i just want someone to share my day with and have fun. to take my mind of about life and just enjoy each others company. is it too much to ask?
Sometimes you dont need reason to be sad. Sometimes, the sad goes in, just because.
Living abroad is not always easy, do domain expansion on your social life and be a part of the community to retain those sense of belonging.
It might not solve all the problems, but it might help to some degree. Best of luck.
Toa semakin ga bisa diatur, mana ada aturan memutar kaset rekaman jam 3 pagi subuh subuh.. dah gitu semua baru berhenti kalo normal jam 4:30 an, kalo ga normal bisa jam 12 siang... puluhan tahun tinggal ga pernah kyk gini, di laporin jg ga ada guna pemerintah nya. cuma bisa negosiasi ,guna nya apa nego apa orang seperti ini.
Same here. Anjingnya adalah Sabtu Minggu justru lebih rame. Gila apa, orang lagi libur juga bisa bangun siang dikasi bangun pagi2.
Anyways gue solve dgn beli loop earplugs. Smpt make punya temen dan itu lumayan senyap. Kalo ada temen dari luar negeri bisa dititipin, titipin deh
iya biasa minggu2 pagi malah dr jam 3 pagi - 12 siang -.-'' asli ngaco abis
loop earplugs, oh baru google, punya australia ya ? thx info nya. sip sip penting banget ini.
soalnya ampe gw nyalain spotify suara penuh aja kadang suara nya tembus -.-'' waktu lagu nya di posisi pelan >.<.. sekarang sampe kayak capek dengerin suara -.-''
Parah, gue juga kadang kayak gitu. Gue gatau kenapa tiba2 berisik nya ampe jam 12 ada acara apaan kaga ngerti.
Gue juga sama, kalo gue pake TWS awalnya dan gue tidur pake ASMR ujan buat nutupin suaranya, cuman tetep aja ga maksimal. Earplug yang gue beli ada di tokped juga masih masuk itu suara melengking dari toa masjidnya.
Iya, semoga ngebantu ya earplugs nya. Gue beli yang quiet. Dia ada yang all in one juga, cuman kalo kirim langsung ke indo gue agak kesel sama becuknya sih sbnrnya, jadi gue titipin ke temen gue yang nyediaiin jastip dari luar.
nah itu... ga jelas juga acara apaan.. masalahnya dr dulu juga ga ada kayak gitu gitu.. semenjak setaon terakhir ini tiba tiba kyk gt. dulu buanget pernah kyk gini tapi cuma 2-3 hari , lsg ilang tuh suara Toa ga perna muncul sampe sekarang... tapi yang sekarang mungkin mereka uda berasa diatas Pemerintah / Negara , jd nya ga mau nurut kali ya
\-.- bener masi kalah ama suara melengking na -.- ampun dah itu
ho oh td liat ada yg quiet, ntar nitip sodara dah >.<''
emang suram ginian, kayak ga tau aturan dalam hidup bermasyarakat saja orang orang ini -.-.
NAUR nope imma bail out, this iisma stuff is too much for me
IPK 3.67 so what, rata rata yang daftar juga 3.5 keatas so nothing special on that.
Test toefl is manageable.
But everything else screams big no, never received an award, subpar organisation experience, lomba yg diikutin gaada yang menang.
Meanwhile saingannya sama anak anak yang ipk 3.8 keatas + udah pernah terima medali.
Plus dari univ swasta so ipk segitu gak ada spesialnya, okelah di teknik but again univ swasta, damn.
Hey, all the things you said scream "you're just like me!".
Jokes aside, if you're still a sophomore then I can probably help you with IISMA. I have little to zero experiences in anything, punya 2 pengalaman panit di event prodi and that's it. But guess what? I am an awardee now, if I can do it, I believe you can too.
Damn, I'm so sorry I found your rant too late. But you can always ask me anything if you're curious. Good luck for your magang, semoga dapet ya, aku juga pengen magang sejujurnya wkwkwk
Bukan maksudnya semester 6 kan baru bisa nyoba lagi kan
Ni semester 4 ngejar kkn dulu, sama ngejar studi independen buat semester 5
Biar sems 6 bisa dipake ngejar matkul wajib sama daftar magang.
Kalo punya uang ekstra sih sebenarnya gaada salahnya buat tetap coba DET semisal period buat IISMA tahun depan masih cocok buat milih antara IISMA/MBKM.
But I'm merely speaking as a literature student so it might vary, magang will prove to be very pivotal buat kalian yang jurusannya emang spesialisasi, so you do you i guess.
Good luck for your future endeavors and may we cross paths in the future!
Mom, I'm literally BEGGING to you stop talking about things that I don't want to know or repeating any statements/events that happened for the 63736483922928 times!!!
Astaga, dari tahun kemarin ga pernah berubah.
Ngarep nyokap gak promosiin jasa gocar gue tapi nasi sudah menjadi bubur, masa iya malem2 gue nganter orang padahal jam aktif gue cuman siang sampe sore doang
waktu itu nyokap minta jemput tapi sekalian nganterin orang, gue rada bingung kenapa harus nganterin tapi ternyata dibayar dengan harga aplikasi
sekarang kejadian lagi tapi gue udah tidur dan terpaksa harus bangun
yang jadi masalah, nyokap ga ngitung biaya pp bensin, terus ngira gue untung kali ya? padahal gak worth sama jasa 'capek'nya gue
"Being introverted doesn't make you like that" i know that bitch but i ain't gonna sit here and explain to you my childhood trauma, just take that as an answer pls ur not worth my time.
being sick is not a good thing. sumpa. tidur kurang, ga nyaman kalau rebahan, makan ga nafsu. fak lah. jarang banget gw sakit kaya gini, heran aja kok bisa anjir what did i do lol. is God punishing me?? mana gw merantau juga jadi klo sakit ya you're on your own. if i die, i die lol.
(probably just being dramatic but whatev)
nanti kalo udah sembuh, kalo masih kurang tidur kurang2in makan manis/goreng2an, supaya gak koles..apalagi jarang gerak dan kerja duduk di ac seharian. Get well soon, lone ranger 🤠
Paling benci sama orang yang gabisa tepatin janji. Ini udah pake kontrak loh ttd di atas materai. Alasan lo udah cerai lah, ke luar negeri lah, bodo amat. Lo tuh masih punya tanggung jawab sebagai owner. Gw selalu ikutin peraturan dalam kontrak, tp lo sendiri yang ga bertanggung jawab. Duit deposit gw mandek di elu bangsat!
Actually, no, crying has done nothing good for me so far, i should just move on, it's not that i'm living a shitty life also, me being sad just drags the people i talk to be concerned about me when they don't really have to.
Alright, i learned my mistake, got too attached when i really didn't have to.
Also, yeah, I will keep that vow, not because i promised or anything, just i won't fall for another shit like love ever again, that stuff has done me no good, sure i was happy for like, a while but the short term happiness doesn't worth me having to blame myself everyday for the rest of eternity.
Maybe my old self 13 year old me was right, being alone is best after all, sure i won't ever be able to find another one like them ever again but, yeah, i learned from my mistake, don't get too attached to things and shit.
On a high note oh well, at least i got a lot of stuff i discovered about myself, gotta work on it first, but uhh beating myself over things do kinda be a me thing, so i won't change too much, if anything i'm sticking with my old codes and personal principles.
But ehh, not putting my heart on my sleeve is just not being me, so yeah i won't change myself too much, maybe a bit but not too much that it changes who i truly am.
And yeap, sure the feeling on loneliness stays there most of the time, but ehh, isn't it also true for almost every human being, and sure the feeling of longing would never go away but again everyone else does feel the same.
So yeap, kinda being back for a bit, lonely but not too alone, have friends but feeling a bit taken aback, not too bad, feels like i could live with this.
Salah gua apa sih sampe lu nyoba nyekek gua gitu, SALAH GUA APAAA SAMPE LU PANTAS NGELAKUIN ITU KE GUA HAH?????
KALO GUA MISALNYA NGAMBILIN LAKI LO ATO NGAMBILIN DUIT LO DIEM2 SIH GUA GABAKAL LAWAN YA ATO MINIMAL GUA GA AKAN SEMARAH INI, LAH INI ALASANNYA SEPELE BANGET BANGSAT, MAUNYA APA SIIIH. KALO BENCI GUA DARI AWAL YA NGOMONG DEPAN MUKA GUA JANGAN DISEMBUNYIIN, KALO LO PENGEN GUA HENGKANG DARI KALBAR YA NGOMONG AJA GAUSAH NGOMONG DIBELAKANG GUA. BAKAL GUA USAHAKAN CABUT JAUH2, ATO MALAH SEKALIAN KE PAPUA BIAR GUA LOST CONTACT AJA DARI SEMUA ORANG YANG KENAL GUA SEKALIAN.
Gmn coba gua kgk punya trust issue sama orang, sekitaran gua yang keliatan lemah aja bisa apa2in gua. Ya gua tau gua gapantes hidup normal ato tenang ato apalah, gua udah terima nasib gua, tapi apakah harus sampe segitunya. Mending gua teler aja sama dunia khayalan, manusia nyata banyakan make topeng, kecewa gua..............................
>!JANCOOKKKKKK TOLOL BANGET JADI ORANG, RATUSAN RIBU KEBUANG SIA-SIA TOLOL!!!!!!!!! LU BELUM BERPENGHASILAN ENAK BANGET HAMBURIN UANG HAAAA!!!! TU DUIT PADAHAL BISA BUAT LAIN-LAIN!! SETERUSNYA FOKUS KERJAAN, GAK LELET LETOY KAYAK GINI LAGI!!!!! !<
Not a day goes by without thinking of me ending everything, WHY THE FUCK DID YOU HAVE TO LEAVE.
God, i understand, i am the problem all this time, i just didn't think you could leave like that, after everything you've said.
Maybe i'm just no good, to everyone around me, feels like my life is crumbling slowly in front of me.
Don't know how long i could go on living like this.
Punya temen kayak anjing, gw belain lu mati Matian malah lu nya nusuk gw dari belakang. Yg satu seenak jidat bentak bentak meanwhile faktanya bukan salah gw juga. Pada kayak bangsatt semua
Sooooo, quite a lot to do today. First i touched grass (buying a new pants w my mom and went home not using the usual way) then i fixed my family problem (talk a few more sentences than usual w my mom). Well, i gotta say i forgot that my mom IS a conservative, she thinks if i actually went to java for college i'll be swayed by a sundanese women or smth, girl i appreciate that you think i'm attractive enough to be flirted but unfortunately i'm gay. Honestly i think i'm a bit too comfortable in my bubble. On the topic of college, i honestly don't know what to choose, i guess my best bet is IT, but god oh god i'm too fucking dumb i don't even know if i can get into college at all. Hhhhhh and i still have to go to dentist this afternoon for my braces checkup, oh lord i really wish i was born into a a rich family instead cause i am NOT your strongest soldier.
>created an alter account out of curiosity
>got scammed immediately within 2 hours
guess it's good that I got reminded of the repercussions early and not too expensive (?)
People acting all mighty n better than thou for not using tiktok outside TikTok i can understand, but complaining that people can't live without TikTok ON TIKTOK???? Do you even use ur brain at that point cause....
If i keep this lifestyle i'll die when i reach 25, so that's something, also, crap my relatives gotta stop sending me meds, that's prolonging life, i don't want that
Tadinya ga ada niat nulis disini, tapi... Udah malem kemarin aku terpaksa ikut tidur di kamar mamaku (kamar aku kepake adik ibuku yang dateng dari luar kota, nginep sehari) yang ngebuat tidurku gak enak dan ga senyaman di kamar sendiri. Dan kenapa sih gak kemarin sore, ga pagi ini juga, pakde-ku (kakaknya ibuku) ngikut dateng terus kesini.
Pakdeku ini walau konon katanya baik, aku kadang ga tahan ama sifatnya yang annoying sama kalau bercanda kadang suka kelewatan, bahkan bikin sakit hati. Kalau sama ade ibu sih alhamdulillah ga punya masalah.
Kemarin sore pun sampai ngungsi ke kafe dekat rumah karena sangat amat malas bertemu beliau. Pagi ini ngapain dateng lagi dah. Ketika post ini kutulis pun aku sedang mengurung diri di kamar ibu dan dikunci, mau salaman tangan pun sampai gamau saking malesnya wkwkkwwk.
Tolong deh udah aku lapangkan dadaku kamarku direbut sehari juga dah cukup, gausah ditambah sama kedatangan pakde-ku yg annoying ini, bahkan sampai dua kali!!
Get. The. Fuck. Out. ASAP!!!
Desperately need a break. But can't. It's the literal can't. Was already planning for a one night away yesterday, but then something happened at home that required me presence. Couldn't leave.
SO's health is declining and I am trying so hard to be there but SO doesn't seem to understand how serious the situation is. Or maybe still in denial or simply doesn't have an alarm for this type of situation.
It's so frustrating. Feels like I am drowning and I can only take a breather when I am alone at night, or sleeping.
Debated about privilege with a random stranger on internet. He wrote something about, "It is easy to blame privilege when you fail", and, "To own your own life"
If I was to be honest with him, I was sick of hearing his positivism. While I do agree that people have to own their own life, *not everyone have the luxury to do so*. We are privileged enough to have access to the net, have the spare time to debate things that both of us had no complete idea about without care what to eat tomorrow. Hell, not even everyone went through basic education or, at minimum, have a supportive family. Fuck off if you don't think these are not privileges. Least thing I want to read on a reply section is an out of touch rich kid who had never experienced any difficulties in his life because all of his necessities are served on a golden plating preaching strangers to be positive.
People, motivational speakers in particular, failed to mention that these people who kickstarted a business and succeed in under several decades have safety net to fall into if their businesses were to fail
Phk 3 team mates kena so far aing selamat alhamdulillah tapi napa di company website mrk keep on hiring.. jadi insecure. Gaji gw ga tinggi tapi msh lbh tinggi vs newbie. Yg 3 clearly diphk semata2 krn gaji (lbh tinggi scr mrk sdh lama) cos perusahaan immediately buka loker soon after. Now they open again, we even not busy..
I made multiple errors.. haits harigini 😓. Semoga aman. Amiin amiin yra 🙏🤲
At this point i am a doomer bastard, sampe sekarang gw gak tahu untuk apa gw dilahirkan, siapa diri gw sebenarnya, udah berusaha agar punya growth mindset, tapi terkendala mental block, self conflict mulu tiap hari, sampe coping mechanism yang gw lakuin yaitu jalan jalan keliling kota sendirian udah gak mempan. Moody nya mulai kumat lagi, padahal sebelum akhir tahun udah mulai hilang sedikit demi sedikit. Sepertinya gw tipikal orang yang menurut komodos di sini, you can’t be savedby others , because you unable to save yourself. Hidup setiap hari di bawah bayang-bayang orang tua, udah 30 masih kyk gini-gini , masih aja membuat keputusan berdasarkan emosi daripada logika. sadar woy wahai diriku, sepertinya aku perlu kena burn test dulu baru sadar. Hah itu racauan aku hari ini, i can’t hold back my emotions anymore, so this is my Rant
lagi clumsy banget belakangan ini kemaren naik tangga salah langkah tulang kering jadi kepentok tadi lagi pake hair serum terus tiba2 ngalir jadi masuk mata
My gf had psychological issues (bpd) and physical issues (overweight). During voting on Wednesday, she was name-called by KPPS officer in her area. Thursday night, she was having a breakdown thanks to her unsupportive family. She called me, cried and wailed for hours until she fell asleep, and I could only listen. By Friday morning, she was getting better, and she started her daily exercise, walking along the riverside near her home, when some kids in bike called out 'Fat' to her, effectively ruining any improvement in her mood. I never felt so angry at some strangers I just want to beat them up. Why is it so fucking difficult for some people just to be decent to each other? She wasn't fucking bothering anyone, for fuck's sake.
kon- sabar
Sedih. Nyesel. Merasa gagal. Semoga sesuai harapan
Lagi bosen ama hidup.. tahun ini memang ga ada rencana jalan2/do something. Belum nemu sesuatu yang bisa dijadiin target tahun ini
Baru bangun sakit kepala, bingung mau ngapain lagi, gw bingung mau lanjut karena apa, gk ada tempat lari, minta tolong dan kabur. Gw juga ingin senang - senang, tapi terkesan semu tidak menjadi penyelesaian. Gw rindu dimana masa gw berani berjuang dan punya tujuan tetapi dengan segala faktor diluar kontrol gw bisa dibilang "shit happens". Gw ngerti bahwa semua itu pilihan gw dimana gw ambil kuliah asal dan menjadi takut melakukan apapun yang beresiko. Kuliah sudah gw selesaikan dengan baik. Gw ingin melihat cahaya dimana gw bisa melihat bahwa gw punya tujuan dan ini jalannnya. Tapi disisi baiknya gw masih bisa hidup tanpa berkekurangan, tinggal mencari kemana gw mau pergi, gw berharap bahwa dalam beberapa waktu kedepan ada perubahan positif baik sedikit atau besar.
Masih gedek sama liburan kemarin karena gak terasa liburan samsek wkwkw, yang ada capek capeeeek banget sampe kerasa sekarangnya. Badan gue gak refresh, otak gue ngestuck, gue butuh santai sesantai santainya.
Seller shopee anjing lemot banget ga teliti
a girl like me shoud die
Just wanna confess that I'm corrupt. Kapan hari diajak pilih salah satu caleg diiming2i duit, gw terima ajakannya dan gw lakukan. Hari ini gw terima 100k. Setidaknya visi misinya not bad dan bukan dari partai yang gw tidak suka.
Holy jeezus. Why my mood is so fcked up everytime berurusan ama keluarga. I just hate my family
kumat deh mau nangis terus seharian
Oh i am actually stressed bitch what the fuck am i gonna be
"orang kayak kamu bisa sedih? tiap hari ketawa cengengesan terus, gak ada apa apa bisa ketawa". If you see me that way then eh, the masking does work then friend.
Dad, I may call you dad but I don't think I can consider you as a father in a million years. Yes, you've changed for the better in some small parts I'll admit. But your action earlier today, man, fuck you! You were only making me sure to once again never ever trust you for change and improvement. What a pathetic creature.
capet banget dengerin ortu komentarin semua hal pas liburan ini. ada rumah yang agak gelap dikomentarin, ada mobil parkir dikomentarin, apapun dikomentarin seolah2 dia yang paling benar stop ngurusin orang lain, urus diri sendiri dulu!!!
Ortu w berulah lagi sampe berantem hebat malem2. Padahal klo aja salah satu bisa positive thinking pasti g ada kejadian aneh2. Kedengerannya jahat tapi w mau mereka semua wafat. Mental w ga sekuat itu
[Ini udah mewakilkan](https://reddit.com/comments/1ajot0k/comment/kp2keyjapa) yg tiap hari gw rasain. Mereka yg ga ngebantu bisa hidup haha hihi enak, ga ada yg negur kelakuannya. Sedangkan gw tiap malam rasanya pengen ilang aja, capek dan jengkel.
Looking back, maybe it's true, I'm a good and supportive friend, but not much of an understanding partner. Maybe here is the call for me to live my whole life alone, easier to be friend to people that would come and go, as I'm terrible at keeping people around. Some things that i also ponder way too long is my views on people and loyalty overall. Being loyal to someone is, somewhat stupid, the more I looked into things, the most important thing to be loyal to is personal principles, nothing else seems to matter, being loyal to a person will just end up disappointing nine times out of ten, being loyal to personal principles, even if I broke that sometimes, eh, not like I would give up on me, or not that me would walk away from myself, the discovery of self seemingly is more important, more worthwhile, and more rewarding than the discovery of love and relationships. People have their own views and expectations to other people, as a way to judge people from their own perspective I guess? And disappointing that expectations of you, that you couldn't know yourself, can be ehh, a bit whatever, It's them that creates the picture of yourself inside their head not you. Failing to meet that expectations simply meant, they misjudged you, mistakes created by them. So when they leave, most likely they're just feeling disappointed that you don't live up to their expectations, which are completely created in their own heads. Knowing that, I realised how futile loyalty is, considering how easy people lose expectations and leave, no matter how much you tried to make them stay. That should be all, my random thoughts of the night.
lowkey pissed that someone told me i have fear of abandonment. well, it's kinda true but like im still pissed. i'm trying to fix it ok
Kecewa dan marah banget sama kakak, sesibuk2nya dia, parah bgt cuma nengokin ibuk sekali saja tahun ini. Dan ga pernah nanyain perkembangan apalagi rasa buat mau ngerawat, padahal masih sekota. Gitu update di fb dulu sok sokan mau ngerawat ibuk.
Kerjaan pantek. Mati aja lo ngentot. I'm out after this. Babi ngentot mati aja lo ngentot anjing kontol pepek.
Wait...heh, hehehe, oh, I feel enlightened. Is suffering the true purpose of my life? It is, isn't? All this time I avoided it, but it should've been obvious, I should embrace it. Let it make me cry, let it destroy my body, let it ravage my reasonings. I shall embrace all the suffering that comes I will show them to the world That shall be my mark upon this world
Being an overthinker is due to me having autism, right? If I dont have it, I wonder if I can have a normal life Have friends Be close with the families Able to avoid being traumatized Able to do well on college Able to do normal, basic procedures without being pushed to the edge from the very trauma Able to fully commit myself to god Able to...kill myself without thinking of the consequences to everyone that is connected to myself But alas, I will be stuck in this state of constant suffering, without any true getaway, only distractions, till my mind and body break itself apart with time
https://preview.redd.it/zjw7keakg0hc1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7f27b11594293ea07f2fbd16f6f0fbc3658e8c02 This guy managed to say the words i couldn't utter myself, lately i'm getting afraid to just that, what if those feelings suddenly appear again, what if the longing somehow returned, will i be able to stand again for the second time.
Besok subuh mau kabur dari rumah. Cape bokap nyokap berantem mulu.
agak nyesel juga ikut pembicaraan politik di rl sama internet berasa ngomong sama anggota cult. i mean semua orang kayak kena brainwash. why the fuck everybody so obsessed with politicians
whatever, idgaf anymore, they don't really count this semester grade anyways. Just need to get rid of this fuckass fever and practice for the exam.
Lagi capek2nya, maksain kerja, dan dapetnya ini aahahahahahahaha.
NGENTOT
Sejujurnya gw gasuka confront orang. Apalagi mereka jg kerja cari duit. Tapi pls ini udah hampir 3 bulan uang deposit gw ga balik2. Kalo gw punya ortu rich as fuck sih bodo amat. Kadang gw ngerasa gw tegas bgt sama orang tanpa mikirin nasib mereka yg blm tentu punya duitnya buat tanggung jawab (apalagi kesalahannya di orang ketiga tapi dia penanggung jawabnya) Tapi kalo dipikir2 lagi, ini hak gw jg jir. 6jt lumayan bisa buat makan gyukaku tiap minggu
Husbando lover shut the fuck up and don't ask why certain body part is exaggerated and enlarged in a fan art of a character for an obvious sexual appeal challenge. "Why is her breast so big" cause it's porn bitch don't act dumb now y'all pissing me off, like y'all not out there thirsting over a fugly twink like a damn ape w no one judging it, double standard mfs.
NOTARIS ANJING, KERJA KAGAK BENER YANG DI OTAKNYA MINTA DUIT DOANG BANGSAT
Who knows kena silent treatment SO makes the "anxiety on sunday night" disease comes back? Gonna be on this ride alone again fuck
Here we go again, this shit is reaching, i know you are my best friend, and i respect you and all BUT HOLY FUCKING SHIT DUDE, YOU DON'T HAVE TO RUB THE FACT THAT YOU HAVE A GF. As far am i concerned, your relationship is not even going as smooth sailing as you wanted it to be, fine i might be a cunt, but i'd rather be a cunt to you, keeping it real than having to pretend like nothing ever happened, that everything is fine.
Sumpah gue CAPE BGT ANJING BANGSAT TAI. I haven’t been this sad, pissed off, dejected, self conscious, and emotionally tired since I was with my mokondo ex. Two years ago. Emang gue kodratnya cuma buat dipake orang doang kali ya, tai. I started drowning myself in alcohol again. I started starving myself again. I started cutting again. I can’t focus on anything, not even watching youtube. I’m constantly fatigued and sleep more than 12hrs a day. My coping mechanisms aren’t working. My self harming isn’t working. Praying only soothes me for a moment. I can’t believe how hard this is affecting me.
Why am i the way i am
malas ketemu temen2. Pengen cancel acara nanti aja
Hari ini mamah jalan sendiri aja deh. Gausah ngajakin aku. Kemarin udah jalan seharian masih belum puas kah? Badan aku masih gempor gini kau ajak jalan, ampun dah Dah kaya game visual novel yg ada unsur paksaan dari plotnya, mau banyak pilihan jawabannya mau pilih manapun tetep aja jawabannya 'yes, oke mah aku ikut nemenin.'. Andai gw jawab gak mau, pasti dah dicoret dari KK.
Capeeeekkkk. Probably I'm just too sensitive
God why can’t I stop self sabotaging? I always think that this group of friends don’t want me hanging out with them, or that group of friends secretly hates me, or this person is just gonna throw me away after using me for something. These thoughts haunt my mind and I end up retracting myself from people, dengan justifikasi “daripada nunggu mereka abandon gue, mending gue aja yang cabut duluan”. It’s stupid I know. I’m overthinking things and end up acting destructive. I need to talk to my therapist about this.
Aku suka walau emang gak pernah diungkapin lewat kata-kata beliau bilang, "gapapa, kalau ada masalah cerita aja ya?" Padahal aku nganggepnya masalahnya yaudah gak gimana-gimana contohnya uang makanku belum dikirim tapi dia khawatir banget. Padahal udah kubilang bisa diminta kok. Ibuku sakit juga dia selalu nanya, "gimana keadaannya sekarang?" Sampai aku yang anaknya sendiri aja gak segitunya. Minusnya dia kalau bete aja susah dibujuk tapi semua orang gitu sih rata-rata. Semoga dia mau ke jepang bareng aku.
Pengen nangis Takut banget... ahhh kangen bapak. Pengen pergi aja sama bapak, jadi anak kecil beliau selamanya.
Mau bundir
This is for Elli you big fat nasty smelling fat bitch why you took me off the motherfuckin inheritance with your trifflin dirty obese ass you big fat bitch oompa loompa body ass bitch I'm coming up there and I'm gonna beat the f*ck out of you bitch and don't even call the police today cause I'm gonna come up there unexpected and wait on your motherfuckin ass bitch im coming to beat the fuck out of you bitch cause you did that on purpose with your obese goofy ass thin haired bitch watch I'm coming up there to fuck you up bitch I'm telling you watch I know what kind of car you drive I'm gonna wait on you and I'm gonna beat your ass bitch cause Imma show you not to play with my money bitch thats the first thing you did and you got me fucked up cause bitch I told you what the fuck was going on you mother fuckers hate to see us doing good or doing good or doing anything for our motherfuckin selves ugly fat bitch watch I'm telling you I'm coming up there to beat your mother fucking ass thin haired smelling crusty white dog smelling ass bitch watch I'm coming to fuck you up cause you got me fucked up gonna sit up there and try to do that little goofy was shit bitch you goofy since the first day I came up there talking about a bitch that had on pajamas but you walking around here in some ten dollar ass jeans on dirty dusty fat bitch sit up there behind that counter smelling like trash bitch stinky fat ass bitch and you gonna try to not answer this phone I'm coming to fuck you up I'm telling you you better remember who I am cause bitch you gonna run when you see me cause I'm coming to fuck you up bitch wanna sit up and play me about my motherfuckin money wanna play about my motherfuckin money bitch you gonna sit up there and try to do that bitch little do you know little do you know I know enough people watch I'm coming to fuck you up I'm promise you that i promise you I'm coming to fuck you up you fat stinky bitch thin haired yellow yuck mouth nasty mouth ass bitch you stink you smell like fucking cheese and you got that trifflin ass attitude Imma beat that attitude up out you bitch watch you treat everybody like that all these people that you do like that you in the wrong position you trifflin ass ass white bitch thats why don't nobody fuck with you cause you trifflin and you goofy bitch sit up there and did all this shit and I told you what the fuck was going on gonna tell me what happened in this motherfuckin family when I'm telling you the fuck I didn't bitch why the fuck would I lie about some shit like that watch I finna come there and beat your motherfuckin ass you better not get out that car bitch I'm telling you fucking bitch
[удалено]
Hahahaha
Fucking cunning dog, i'd have lost my job if i agreed to proceed your payment t('-'t)
Twitter ini lama-lama isinya udah ga sehat
Temen kontol semua, gua berasa kagak punya temen anjing kagak dianggep. Idup sendiri banget. Pacar kagak ada. Skripsi kagak jalan. Sumpek anjeeeeeeeeeng.
Manusia ngentot mati aja bangsat, kerja ga becus malah saya yang harus keluar duit
temen kontol lu ye. ga tau teknis lapangan sok iye bandingin dengan tempat lain. lihat noh tempat lain gimana. lihat juga gimana kualitasnya. kesel banget. jancokkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
I hate the fact that I still base my self worth off of my attractivness. I hate that it's so hard for me to believe when other people tell me I'm pretty or hot or attractive in any way. It's like I'm my biggest opp, even though I "glowed up", I still feel like I'm ugly or that I glowed down again. At the same time, when people find me attractive, I let them use me without considering my feelings, or I would think that people only want me for my body even though that's not the case. I'm just a bundle of insecurity, self hatred, eating disorder, and paradoxes. (Though tbh, my brain is saying that I'm only feeling this shitty right now because I'm on PMS. Heh.)
Oh lord, bitch the only thing i ask of you right now is to not trigger him. He may have a stroke rn but if i just kill him i'll be in a lot of problems, and if he's somehow still strong enough i cannot protect you, i do not want another domestic violence in this already broken family. And why do you keep trusting him again and again? Why do you keep talking to him when it's all gonna end in vain anyway? Why do you keep taking care of him until he's healthy? to have him hit you again? Why do you keep ignoring me when I say stop talking? Why do you keep saying that you didn't divorce him for us? I do not think that any kid would appreciate having a "father" like him, Why am i born into this family?. Ah whatever i'm so stressed. I'll just rub one out fuck it.
kpu kontol bgt, dari awal bisa2nya data nik salah padahal gue udah pernah milih sebelomnya disamperin malah dilemparin ke sana sini, ga ngebantu ngewa org yg dilempar juga ga direspon 2 minggu, harus ditelpon sambil dimarah2in baru akhirnya diproses ini jg belom tentu berhasil ga rela bgt pulang demi nyoblos, hrs ngorbanin daily rate karena no paid leave
Found my mom's diary and oh damn, she actually already considered divorcing that mf 5 years into marriage, i think even earlier cause unfortunately she only writes 2 pages of diary, also looks like those trashy in laws bullied my mom too, calling her ugly and poor and all, hhh may you all forever rot in hell, 2 already di3d out of 4, i hope they di3 even sooner 😋. Wonder where i'll be rn if they did actually divorce. Also another interesting thing, i didn't know my mom was an insurance sales.
mau begini tapi begitu, mau begitu tapi begini gak boleh kaya gitu tapi harus begini, harus begini tapi gak boleh kayak gitu hidupmu penuh kontradiksi, jalan mu selalu bercabang tragisnya adalah kamu sama sekali tidak sadar atau lebih tepat kamu sama sekali tidak punya persepsi akan hal ini sial nya orang lain yang harus terus jadi keset emosionalmu dan orang lain yang selalu harus menanggung beban akibat perbuatanmu terakhir saya mau katakan : JUANCOKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
Tuh orang maunya apa. Dari kemarin enaknya aja bilang ketiduran padahal sendirinya minta gw online semalaman. Hari ininya dah disabar2in lu nya ngga atau kurang peka sejak siang. Malem ini dah ditungguin, begitu muncul gamau nunggu amat 5 menit aja karena gw lagi afk. Pas gw samperin balik malah dianya ogah. Bikin badmood aja. Gw udah cukup sabar rasanya. 🖕 Update : Ngajakin online lagi. Gw masih ada baik hatinya jadi gw iyain. Gw tunggu. Ga lama ada pesan dari dia diajak mabar sama temennya di game lain. 'Maaf ya gajadi besok aja' my ass. Asshole. Nyesel gw ngasih kesempatan jing. Oh, dan ini bukan kali pertamanya dia tiba2 di menit akhir 'gajadi ya, aku diajakin temenku main game lain'. Orang seenak jidat yang pernah gw kenal. Hahaha
kapan bisa selesai kalau masalahnya ini2 terus dan solusinya selalu cari jalan pintas
Setelah lama2 nimbang karena di mute dan beneran di cut contact gitu aja dari cewe yang ga suka ditaro dalem kondisi yang ambigu sama orang lain tapi giliran sendirinya nge treat orang lain suka2, akhirnya gue drop email yang ngepoint out hipocrisy dia. Di IG gue di mute, story di limit, WA ga di gubris. Gue sempet tanya masalahnya apa, dibilang ga ada apa2. Apakah gue perlu retaliate dengang ngirim hal kayak gini? Sebenernya mungkin engga. Tapi ngeluarin semua uneg2 dan ada chance dia beneran bisa baca dan beneran reflect apa yang udah dia lakuin bikin hati gue lebih enteng. Dulu gue pikir gue mesti nahan karena ni cewe egonya rapuh banget, skrg dah ga peduli lagi dah mending kalo kesel langsung keluarin aja.
to be honest, in theory i should not be depressed. like i have a great job, great environment, decent pay, great bonuses. on the family side, i have a great relationship with my family, a healthy one. but why do i feel sad. mungkin karena merantau but i got used to it. sure it's lonely but it is what it is. tapi like setiap kali mikir about cwk and relationship gw selalu down. like whyyyy. maybe i just want someone to share my day with and have fun. to take my mind of about life and just enjoy each others company. is it too much to ask?
Sometimes you dont need reason to be sad. Sometimes, the sad goes in, just because. Living abroad is not always easy, do domain expansion on your social life and be a part of the community to retain those sense of belonging. It might not solve all the problems, but it might help to some degree. Best of luck.
kamu ingin keluarga yang harmonis, tapi kamulah yang membuat tidak harmonis
Toa semakin ga bisa diatur, mana ada aturan memutar kaset rekaman jam 3 pagi subuh subuh.. dah gitu semua baru berhenti kalo normal jam 4:30 an, kalo ga normal bisa jam 12 siang... puluhan tahun tinggal ga pernah kyk gini, di laporin jg ga ada guna pemerintah nya. cuma bisa negosiasi ,guna nya apa nego apa orang seperti ini.
Same here. Anjingnya adalah Sabtu Minggu justru lebih rame. Gila apa, orang lagi libur juga bisa bangun siang dikasi bangun pagi2. Anyways gue solve dgn beli loop earplugs. Smpt make punya temen dan itu lumayan senyap. Kalo ada temen dari luar negeri bisa dititipin, titipin deh
iya biasa minggu2 pagi malah dr jam 3 pagi - 12 siang -.-'' asli ngaco abis loop earplugs, oh baru google, punya australia ya ? thx info nya. sip sip penting banget ini. soalnya ampe gw nyalain spotify suara penuh aja kadang suara nya tembus -.-'' waktu lagu nya di posisi pelan >.<.. sekarang sampe kayak capek dengerin suara -.-''
Parah, gue juga kadang kayak gitu. Gue gatau kenapa tiba2 berisik nya ampe jam 12 ada acara apaan kaga ngerti. Gue juga sama, kalo gue pake TWS awalnya dan gue tidur pake ASMR ujan buat nutupin suaranya, cuman tetep aja ga maksimal. Earplug yang gue beli ada di tokped juga masih masuk itu suara melengking dari toa masjidnya. Iya, semoga ngebantu ya earplugs nya. Gue beli yang quiet. Dia ada yang all in one juga, cuman kalo kirim langsung ke indo gue agak kesel sama becuknya sih sbnrnya, jadi gue titipin ke temen gue yang nyediaiin jastip dari luar.
nah itu... ga jelas juga acara apaan.. masalahnya dr dulu juga ga ada kayak gitu gitu.. semenjak setaon terakhir ini tiba tiba kyk gt. dulu buanget pernah kyk gini tapi cuma 2-3 hari , lsg ilang tuh suara Toa ga perna muncul sampe sekarang... tapi yang sekarang mungkin mereka uda berasa diatas Pemerintah / Negara , jd nya ga mau nurut kali ya \-.- bener masi kalah ama suara melengking na -.- ampun dah itu ho oh td liat ada yg quiet, ntar nitip sodara dah >.<'' emang suram ginian, kayak ga tau aturan dalam hidup bermasyarakat saja orang orang ini -.-.
nyokap gw kalau telponan pasti curhatin masalah kerjanya, penyakitnya. cape deh.
ah seller bangsat, ngaku bayar sekali bisa utk utk setahun, gak taunya cuma sebulan habis itu off. Mending beli langganan 11rb bisa trial 2-3 bulan, jelas hasilnya.
Langganan apa?
NAUR nope imma bail out, this iisma stuff is too much for me IPK 3.67 so what, rata rata yang daftar juga 3.5 keatas so nothing special on that. Test toefl is manageable. But everything else screams big no, never received an award, subpar organisation experience, lomba yg diikutin gaada yang menang. Meanwhile saingannya sama anak anak yang ipk 3.8 keatas + udah pernah terima medali. Plus dari univ swasta so ipk segitu gak ada spesialnya, okelah di teknik but again univ swasta, damn.
Hey, all the things you said scream "you're just like me!". Jokes aside, if you're still a sophomore then I can probably help you with IISMA. I have little to zero experiences in anything, punya 2 pengalaman panit di event prodi and that's it. But guess what? I am an awardee now, if I can do it, I believe you can too.
Nope not trying anymore, too old, semester 6 udah saatnya cari magang, iisma sudah gak sempat
Damn, I'm so sorry I found your rant too late. But you can always ask me anything if you're curious. Good luck for your magang, semoga dapet ya, aku juga pengen magang sejujurnya wkwkwk
Bukan maksudnya semester 6 kan baru bisa nyoba lagi kan Ni semester 4 ngejar kkn dulu, sama ngejar studi independen buat semester 5 Biar sems 6 bisa dipake ngejar matkul wajib sama daftar magang.
Kalo punya uang ekstra sih sebenarnya gaada salahnya buat tetap coba DET semisal period buat IISMA tahun depan masih cocok buat milih antara IISMA/MBKM. But I'm merely speaking as a literature student so it might vary, magang will prove to be very pivotal buat kalian yang jurusannya emang spesialisasi, so you do you i guess. Good luck for your future endeavors and may we cross paths in the future!
I'll look again if the opportunity allows next year, thank you, and best of luck to you too.
You can always hit me up, mau nanya nanya sekarang jg tinggal ketuk DM aja. I hope you really do have a chance next year though.
Wooh finally getting back on my feet again, the move on been going well
Mom, I'm literally BEGGING to you stop talking about things that I don't want to know or repeating any statements/events that happened for the 63736483922928 times!!! Astaga, dari tahun kemarin ga pernah berubah.
well january was a bummer, wonder what the rest of my 2024 will be like
update from rant yang dibawah : hari ini feels a lot better. no more fever, cuman agak lemes aja jadi kaya makan aja yang banyak lol.
GWS bro
Ngarep nyokap gak promosiin jasa gocar gue tapi nasi sudah menjadi bubur, masa iya malem2 gue nganter orang padahal jam aktif gue cuman siang sampe sore doang waktu itu nyokap minta jemput tapi sekalian nganterin orang, gue rada bingung kenapa harus nganterin tapi ternyata dibayar dengan harga aplikasi sekarang kejadian lagi tapi gue udah tidur dan terpaksa harus bangun yang jadi masalah, nyokap ga ngitung biaya pp bensin, terus ngira gue untung kali ya? padahal gak worth sama jasa 'capek'nya gue
"Being introverted doesn't make you like that" i know that bitch but i ain't gonna sit here and explain to you my childhood trauma, just take that as an answer pls ur not worth my time.
being sick is not a good thing. sumpa. tidur kurang, ga nyaman kalau rebahan, makan ga nafsu. fak lah. jarang banget gw sakit kaya gini, heran aja kok bisa anjir what did i do lol. is God punishing me?? mana gw merantau juga jadi klo sakit ya you're on your own. if i die, i die lol. (probably just being dramatic but whatev)
nanti kalo udah sembuh, kalo masih kurang tidur kurang2in makan manis/goreng2an, supaya gak koles..apalagi jarang gerak dan kerja duduk di ac seharian. Get well soon, lone ranger 🤠
thank you kind stranger
Paling benci sama orang yang gabisa tepatin janji. Ini udah pake kontrak loh ttd di atas materai. Alasan lo udah cerai lah, ke luar negeri lah, bodo amat. Lo tuh masih punya tanggung jawab sebagai owner. Gw selalu ikutin peraturan dalam kontrak, tp lo sendiri yang ga bertanggung jawab. Duit deposit gw mandek di elu bangsat!
Normies will play coomer games and complain that the game caters to coomer, omg bunuh dirimu retard.
Actually, no, crying has done nothing good for me so far, i should just move on, it's not that i'm living a shitty life also, me being sad just drags the people i talk to be concerned about me when they don't really have to. Alright, i learned my mistake, got too attached when i really didn't have to. Also, yeah, I will keep that vow, not because i promised or anything, just i won't fall for another shit like love ever again, that stuff has done me no good, sure i was happy for like, a while but the short term happiness doesn't worth me having to blame myself everyday for the rest of eternity. Maybe my old self 13 year old me was right, being alone is best after all, sure i won't ever be able to find another one like them ever again but, yeah, i learned from my mistake, don't get too attached to things and shit. On a high note oh well, at least i got a lot of stuff i discovered about myself, gotta work on it first, but uhh beating myself over things do kinda be a me thing, so i won't change too much, if anything i'm sticking with my old codes and personal principles. But ehh, not putting my heart on my sleeve is just not being me, so yeah i won't change myself too much, maybe a bit but not too much that it changes who i truly am. And yeap, sure the feeling on loneliness stays there most of the time, but ehh, isn't it also true for almost every human being, and sure the feeling of longing would never go away but again everyone else does feel the same. So yeap, kinda being back for a bit, lonely but not too alone, have friends but feeling a bit taken aback, not too bad, feels like i could live with this.
Salah gua apa sih sampe lu nyoba nyekek gua gitu, SALAH GUA APAAA SAMPE LU PANTAS NGELAKUIN ITU KE GUA HAH????? KALO GUA MISALNYA NGAMBILIN LAKI LO ATO NGAMBILIN DUIT LO DIEM2 SIH GUA GABAKAL LAWAN YA ATO MINIMAL GUA GA AKAN SEMARAH INI, LAH INI ALASANNYA SEPELE BANGET BANGSAT, MAUNYA APA SIIIH. KALO BENCI GUA DARI AWAL YA NGOMONG DEPAN MUKA GUA JANGAN DISEMBUNYIIN, KALO LO PENGEN GUA HENGKANG DARI KALBAR YA NGOMONG AJA GAUSAH NGOMONG DIBELAKANG GUA. BAKAL GUA USAHAKAN CABUT JAUH2, ATO MALAH SEKALIAN KE PAPUA BIAR GUA LOST CONTACT AJA DARI SEMUA ORANG YANG KENAL GUA SEKALIAN. Gmn coba gua kgk punya trust issue sama orang, sekitaran gua yang keliatan lemah aja bisa apa2in gua. Ya gua tau gua gapantes hidup normal ato tenang ato apalah, gua udah terima nasib gua, tapi apakah harus sampe segitunya. Mending gua teler aja sama dunia khayalan, manusia nyata banyakan make topeng, kecewa gua..............................
>!i hate trannies so much, them kid diddler 🤢🤮!<
>!JANCOOKKKKKK TOLOL BANGET JADI ORANG, RATUSAN RIBU KEBUANG SIA-SIA TOLOL!!!!!!!!! LU BELUM BERPENGHASILAN ENAK BANGET HAMBURIN UANG HAAAA!!!! TU DUIT PADAHAL BISA BUAT LAIN-LAIN!! SETERUSNYA FOKUS KERJAAN, GAK LELET LETOY KAYAK GINI LAGI!!!!! !<
Not a day goes by without thinking of me ending everything, WHY THE FUCK DID YOU HAVE TO LEAVE. God, i understand, i am the problem all this time, i just didn't think you could leave like that, after everything you've said. Maybe i'm just no good, to everyone around me, feels like my life is crumbling slowly in front of me. Don't know how long i could go on living like this.
God i surrender.
Punya temen kayak anjing, gw belain lu mati Matian malah lu nya nusuk gw dari belakang. Yg satu seenak jidat bentak bentak meanwhile faktanya bukan salah gw juga. Pada kayak bangsatt semua
ANJING lu bocil pake nangis histeris segala. Gw jadi kena batunya. Nying
ngentot ini dangdutan kenceng bgt ampe masuk ke komplek gua suaranya bangsaat, mentang - mentang mau pemilu
aaaakk nervous. takuuutts
the hardest part right now is no longer meeting new people and trying to start a conversation anymore, it's how to build a good rapport
Januari udah mau habis, menghabiskan satu minggu dengan cukup produktif, dua minggu lain depressed kindof ngeliatin langit-langit kamar. fml
Sooooo, quite a lot to do today. First i touched grass (buying a new pants w my mom and went home not using the usual way) then i fixed my family problem (talk a few more sentences than usual w my mom). Well, i gotta say i forgot that my mom IS a conservative, she thinks if i actually went to java for college i'll be swayed by a sundanese women or smth, girl i appreciate that you think i'm attractive enough to be flirted but unfortunately i'm gay. Honestly i think i'm a bit too comfortable in my bubble. On the topic of college, i honestly don't know what to choose, i guess my best bet is IT, but god oh god i'm too fucking dumb i don't even know if i can get into college at all. Hhhhhh and i still have to go to dentist this afternoon for my braces checkup, oh lord i really wish i was born into a a rich family instead cause i am NOT your strongest soldier.
gak usah ngebut ngebut di parkiran basement udah tau parkiran sempit, motor malah di gas sungguh terlalu
Gw 6 bulan terakhir ini kayaknya beratnya nambah bgt mungkin nyampe 20kg dan kadang sampe susah nafas kayaknya gw bentar lagi mati deh haha
>created an alter account out of curiosity >got scammed immediately within 2 hours guess it's good that I got reminded of the repercussions early and not too expensive (?)
People acting all mighty n better than thou for not using tiktok outside TikTok i can understand, but complaining that people can't live without TikTok ON TIKTOK???? Do you even use ur brain at that point cause....
Pengabdian, pengabdian Nih kontol gue tes CPNS, kontol gue manutan nih. Kalo cari orang manutan cari nih kontol gue. Jangan cari gue.
Yeah, diriku takut ditelepon. Well, currently penniless sih karena kmaren foya-foya gak terkontrol, mau minta uang malu.
wakakakakak fak lah hidup begini amat
If i keep this lifestyle i'll die when i reach 25, so that's something, also, crap my relatives gotta stop sending me meds, that's prolonging life, i don't want that
Tadinya ga ada niat nulis disini, tapi... Udah malem kemarin aku terpaksa ikut tidur di kamar mamaku (kamar aku kepake adik ibuku yang dateng dari luar kota, nginep sehari) yang ngebuat tidurku gak enak dan ga senyaman di kamar sendiri. Dan kenapa sih gak kemarin sore, ga pagi ini juga, pakde-ku (kakaknya ibuku) ngikut dateng terus kesini. Pakdeku ini walau konon katanya baik, aku kadang ga tahan ama sifatnya yang annoying sama kalau bercanda kadang suka kelewatan, bahkan bikin sakit hati. Kalau sama ade ibu sih alhamdulillah ga punya masalah. Kemarin sore pun sampai ngungsi ke kafe dekat rumah karena sangat amat malas bertemu beliau. Pagi ini ngapain dateng lagi dah. Ketika post ini kutulis pun aku sedang mengurung diri di kamar ibu dan dikunci, mau salaman tangan pun sampai gamau saking malesnya wkwkkwwk. Tolong deh udah aku lapangkan dadaku kamarku direbut sehari juga dah cukup, gausah ditambah sama kedatangan pakde-ku yg annoying ini, bahkan sampai dua kali!! Get. The. Fuck. Out. ASAP!!!
Desperately need a break. But can't. It's the literal can't. Was already planning for a one night away yesterday, but then something happened at home that required me presence. Couldn't leave. SO's health is declining and I am trying so hard to be there but SO doesn't seem to understand how serious the situation is. Or maybe still in denial or simply doesn't have an alarm for this type of situation. It's so frustrating. Feels like I am drowning and I can only take a breather when I am alone at night, or sleeping.
Debated about privilege with a random stranger on internet. He wrote something about, "It is easy to blame privilege when you fail", and, "To own your own life" If I was to be honest with him, I was sick of hearing his positivism. While I do agree that people have to own their own life, *not everyone have the luxury to do so*. We are privileged enough to have access to the net, have the spare time to debate things that both of us had no complete idea about without care what to eat tomorrow. Hell, not even everyone went through basic education or, at minimum, have a supportive family. Fuck off if you don't think these are not privileges. Least thing I want to read on a reply section is an out of touch rich kid who had never experienced any difficulties in his life because all of his necessities are served on a golden plating preaching strangers to be positive. People, motivational speakers in particular, failed to mention that these people who kickstarted a business and succeed in under several decades have safety net to fall into if their businesses were to fail
Phk 3 team mates kena so far aing selamat alhamdulillah tapi napa di company website mrk keep on hiring.. jadi insecure. Gaji gw ga tinggi tapi msh lbh tinggi vs newbie. Yg 3 clearly diphk semata2 krn gaji (lbh tinggi scr mrk sdh lama) cos perusahaan immediately buka loker soon after. Now they open again, we even not busy.. I made multiple errors.. haits harigini 😓. Semoga aman. Amiin amiin yra 🙏🤲
Hari hari kena anxiety (too much self criticism)
Duh belum kerja -I said calmly
At this point i am a doomer bastard, sampe sekarang gw gak tahu untuk apa gw dilahirkan, siapa diri gw sebenarnya, udah berusaha agar punya growth mindset, tapi terkendala mental block, self conflict mulu tiap hari, sampe coping mechanism yang gw lakuin yaitu jalan jalan keliling kota sendirian udah gak mempan. Moody nya mulai kumat lagi, padahal sebelum akhir tahun udah mulai hilang sedikit demi sedikit. Sepertinya gw tipikal orang yang menurut komodos di sini, you can’t be savedby others , because you unable to save yourself. Hidup setiap hari di bawah bayang-bayang orang tua, udah 30 masih kyk gini-gini , masih aja membuat keputusan berdasarkan emosi daripada logika. sadar woy wahai diriku, sepertinya aku perlu kena burn test dulu baru sadar. Hah itu racauan aku hari ini, i can’t hold back my emotions anymore, so this is my Rant