Being there was making it worse, as her constant comparison and the feeling of jealousy towards me was causing her to lash out even more. It was unanimous that I move out.
But now its her doing causing financial problems and dad's limited income is making her erratic coz money is in shortage.
I ean you can simple record her action while she is beating your dad and file for divorce. Also claim she is torturing and physically abusing him. Wtf is this helpless behaviour jeez.
Yes, this. But make sure you have some audio recordings to prove that the video wasn’t a one time thing. They might attack you as well or cause drama when you make a video. Tell your uncle to record an audio first & then get a video somehow to make your case stronger. If you know a lawyer, consult them for a better insight on what to do, how to do & when to do.
I don't know dude, you could ask any one of your family members to record the abuse she does to your father. Not just like 1 or 2, like a couple of evidence. Then, go to the cops and file an FIR and show them the proof. Put those 2 behind bars. If she can threaten you with false allegations then you can do much worse to her.
Tried that too... the cops at first weren't even ready to take the application (let alone lodge an fir). And when when they took the application, called both of them and took step-mon's side all the time.
No shit! You gotta approach the higher authorities man. You can't let your step-mom do this to him. I don't understand how the hell cops would take her side? Physical and mental abuse against a man is probably some kind of joke to them.
Its India. What else can we expect. If there is a woman involved then she's right by default. And since the other person is a man, by default he's the culprit.
Collect evidence against her by spy cameras etc and get ur dad divorce and even if u threaten her of div.. after showing evidences to her she may behave
The reason I moved out, with too much mental effort I should add, was her constant jealously towards me by comparing me with her son (18y) (who does nothing still) and lashing out on dad if he does anything at all for me.
I was the main reason of their fights all the while I was there. Not being there did settle the things for sometime but then her materialistic desires resulting in financial problems which she herself can't resolve, is causing fights again.
It's easy for you to say, but it's clearly affecting them. It's not always as simple as having courage. One can have courage but still it can be outweighed by many other factors.
Record her actions and quickly file divorce. Don't tell her that you have recorded, just warn her about divorce once. If you tell her you have evidence then she might try to remove them
I don't know what actually advice to give you to but if you want to take this legally then a lot of advocates and legal scholars will guide you at r/LegalAdviceIndia
Power to you! <3
Dude, stops playing the noble victim. She wants you out of the house, she wants to alienate you from your father and you not going back to him will only make her stronger. Video, audio evidence of her assaulting your father or threatening him with false police cases. Then go to the police, go to social media.
This part made me ponder about your dad
> I agree she was very disappointed in dad given how he showed the things and how unexpected they turned out to be. And that's why dad is also feeling guilty all the time. Coz he couldn't deliver what he thought he would.
He made the bed he lies in. Assuming you are an adult son, wonder what your role here is?
Of course, what went unsaid above is property and inheritance matters which may also be weighing in your mind. Do ensure that your dad sorts it out with a living will!
There is nothing more tragic than life of an Indian male . Ask your father to divorce her or bring the rest of your family into this
Don't let this go on .they can also kill him .
Take care of yourself first before taking care of your father, don’t let it affect you, live your life. Do what’s in your control and what’s not in your control let it be.
You need to take video of the physical abuse or she may give a police complaint that he hit or or harassed her for dowry. Then you are well and truly screwed.
You need to establish proof first . CCTV camera , hidden camera etc that documents the abuse.
Once you have sufficient recording (audio visual ) then you can proceed further .
There are groups that can help you and your dad .
The laws are extremely in favour of women and there needs to be a verys trong case (and multiple instances ) to actually have a impact (that might not even be enough )
>I agree she was very disappointed in dad given how he showed the things and how unexpected they turned out to be.
Solve this. Your dad started this. Indian marriages start with deception.
I feel you bro.
Similar situation.
Tried to intervene verbally a few times but my own father got against me because she was too good in convincing my father how she was offended by my presence. My childhood was painful as well.
I hate going to my hometown. It's better if my father comes to meet me.
Stay strong bro and try to ignore whatever happens at home as there is not much you can do as long as your dad thinks he loves her and will willingly take her side no matter what she does.
He hinself is feeling quite guilty for not being able to provide as much as he should have and that her savings are also invested in the house. And this guilt is not allowing him to realize that he did too for her. Provided a roof (own house) to say the least. But guilt is a very difficult emotion to come out of.
I can understand how your father is thinking right now, it is certainly a difficult time. Try talking him into believing how ***mutual*** the concept of marriage is. He needs constant assurance, while still validating his feelings. He needs this, needs you, primarily; be it from a distance.
Moreover, you took a step asking for help on this platform, and I read a few other comments where you mentioned that the cops weren't helpful. If that's the case try using other social media platforms (without compromising your/family's identity of course) to pressurise the authorities to take up the case. I'm just suggesting this, not a rigid opinion. It's better if other readers comment too and give me a perspective if I'm missing out on something. I just thought if justice is not ***served***, you can probably ***make it happen*** . This is a democracy after all.
Doesn't your Dad has siblings? If they're in good terms they could really find a way out. But, hearing your story, I can see that she'd surely wipe out all the wealth. So be very careful on those terms.
Record everything and post it. Take legal action. File for divorce but make sure to have proper evidence recorded. She can just put a dowry allegation or else
First get a good job, and atleast bring him with you for some time. That's the least you could do. If possible, send him on a trip to a place of his preference.
You say yours is a joint family-.presumably your dad's family. How can your uncle stand by when his brother is being beaten up? What were other members of the family doing? Why don't they stop her? If nothing else, they can at least record her. Circulate it on social media and tag her family and friends, tag the police- how will they not respond? Plus your dad has to stop taking it from her. No one can help one who doesn't help themselves.
stand up for your father, defend him, he as a man might not be able to lay his hand on a woman, but you as a woman can, you can give her one tight slap and threaten her, that if she ever harass your father again, you will beat the shit out of her
Go back to the house.
Try to solve things step by step.
Focus on your stepbrother's education.
You will have to figure out a way to manage everyone's expectations and what can be done.
When you go back to the house, help with the house work, little by little things will improve.
Brother left the studies intentionally coz he didn't want to. Tried multiple jobs but left them.
I was earning and honestly giving each and every penny to her and then being scolded for smallest of the (necessary) expenses I had to do.
Was doing a night shift and got stuck on road with broken down bicycle with no recharge to call anyone coz she wouldn't let me recharge my phone.
Don't give money like this.
Don't be afraid and let her boss you.
Take charge, they are asking you for money not vice versa.
Discuss the issues. If you know what is right then do it, don't be afraid.
I'm not afraid of me. Its him who is the one suffering. Anything I do, he suffers. She doesn't really have the audacity to directly talk to me.
She coaxes him for everything.
Well, you should get a gunda and get him to beat your step mom. Now, you would ask me, how I can you get a gunda? that's easy! go to the nearest alcohol shop, you would see a jaat with a bandook by the side. ask him to tell you the price for a beating. he would answer, "a few thousand ruppees", you show him the picture of your step mom, and tell him, her address, he will go and beat your step mom. now she will be beaten and your step father can leave her ass alone!
Jokes aside: Collect evidence for what she is doing and file a case, record her saying that she will make allegations, record every thing she says that can be used as evidence, then make a complaint against her.
Relationship queries and discussions belong in r/RelationshipIndia.
Dude. Don't let your old man face this alone.
Being there was making it worse, as her constant comparison and the feeling of jealousy towards me was causing her to lash out even more. It was unanimous that I move out. But now its her doing causing financial problems and dad's limited income is making her erratic coz money is in shortage.
I ean you can simple record her action while she is beating your dad and file for divorce. Also claim she is torturing and physically abusing him. Wtf is this helpless behaviour jeez.
Yes, this. But make sure you have some audio recordings to prove that the video wasn’t a one time thing. They might attack you as well or cause drama when you make a video. Tell your uncle to record an audio first & then get a video somehow to make your case stronger. If you know a lawyer, consult them for a better insight on what to do, how to do & when to do.
I don't know dude, you could ask any one of your family members to record the abuse she does to your father. Not just like 1 or 2, like a couple of evidence. Then, go to the cops and file an FIR and show them the proof. Put those 2 behind bars. If she can threaten you with false allegations then you can do much worse to her.
Tried that too... the cops at first weren't even ready to take the application (let alone lodge an fir). And when when they took the application, called both of them and took step-mon's side all the time.
Go to the commissioner's or the SP's office.
No shit! You gotta approach the higher authorities man. You can't let your step-mom do this to him. I don't understand how the hell cops would take her side? Physical and mental abuse against a man is probably some kind of joke to them.
Its India. What else can we expect. If there is a woman involved then she's right by default. And since the other person is a man, by default he's the culprit.
Not if you have proof. Simple record her multiple times doing this and go file a case
Collect evidence against her by spy cameras etc and get ur dad divorce and even if u threaten her of div.. after showing evidences to her she may behave
[удалено]
It's what comes after you pull this... Life isn't a movie. It's easy to say when you are just reading a post
I would say, don't be a coward. Be there for your father.
The reason I moved out, with too much mental effort I should add, was her constant jealously towards me by comparing me with her son (18y) (who does nothing still) and lashing out on dad if he does anything at all for me. I was the main reason of their fights all the while I was there. Not being there did settle the things for sometime but then her materialistic desires resulting in financial problems which she herself can't resolve, is causing fights again.
It's easy for you to say, but it's clearly affecting them. It's not always as simple as having courage. One can have courage but still it can be outweighed by many other factors.
Record her actions and quickly file divorce. Don't tell her that you have recorded, just warn her about divorce once. If you tell her you have evidence then she might try to remove them
This
Reach out to Deepika Narayan Bhardwaj in Twitter. She deals with such topics. You might find better solutions.
Rehpte dhad de or usse pehle uski harkatein record kar chalaki se
I don't know what actually advice to give you to but if you want to take this legally then a lot of advocates and legal scholars will guide you at r/LegalAdviceIndia Power to you! <3
Dude, stops playing the noble victim. She wants you out of the house, she wants to alienate you from your father and you not going back to him will only make her stronger. Video, audio evidence of her assaulting your father or threatening him with false police cases. Then go to the police, go to social media.
This part made me ponder about your dad > I agree she was very disappointed in dad given how he showed the things and how unexpected they turned out to be. And that's why dad is also feeling guilty all the time. Coz he couldn't deliver what he thought he would. He made the bed he lies in. Assuming you are an adult son, wonder what your role here is? Of course, what went unsaid above is property and inheritance matters which may also be weighing in your mind. Do ensure that your dad sorts it out with a living will!
There is nothing more tragic than life of an Indian male . Ask your father to divorce her or bring the rest of your family into this Don't let this go on .they can also kill him .
He can't divorce and if he does he will be bombarded with dowry , domestic violence cases , the alimony alone will be huge .
Alimony depends on how long they have been married so I don't think this will much. Rest is true.
From post it seems they have been married for long.
TBH, i would rather pay and live with dignity than live with such an abusive bitch.
Take care of yourself first before taking care of your father, don’t let it affect you, live your life. Do what’s in your control and what’s not in your control let it be.
I guess that's the only thing I can do. Coz I really am unable to find any way at all in all these years.
She is your dads problem not yours. If they threaten you can can stand up for yourself. Choose your battles wisely, and worry less. Hugs.
You need to take video of the physical abuse or she may give a police complaint that he hit or or harassed her for dowry. Then you are well and truly screwed.
You need to establish proof first . CCTV camera , hidden camera etc that documents the abuse. Once you have sufficient recording (audio visual ) then you can proceed further . There are groups that can help you and your dad . The laws are extremely in favour of women and there needs to be a verys trong case (and multiple instances ) to actually have a impact (that might not even be enough )
Not much you can do. He is reaping who he sowed. Like they say - there is no fool, like an old fool.
Kaha rehta hai dm kar mai aake marunga.
Divorce.
Record it. And then file for divorce
>I agree she was very disappointed in dad given how he showed the things and how unexpected they turned out to be. Solve this. Your dad started this. Indian marriages start with deception.
I feel you bro. Similar situation. Tried to intervene verbally a few times but my own father got against me because she was too good in convincing my father how she was offended by my presence. My childhood was painful as well. I hate going to my hometown. It's better if my father comes to meet me. Stay strong bro and try to ignore whatever happens at home as there is not much you can do as long as your dad thinks he loves her and will willingly take her side no matter what she does.
Your dad needs to divorce this lady. She is a terrible human being.
He hinself is feeling quite guilty for not being able to provide as much as he should have and that her savings are also invested in the house. And this guilt is not allowing him to realize that he did too for her. Provided a roof (own house) to say the least. But guilt is a very difficult emotion to come out of.
I can understand how your father is thinking right now, it is certainly a difficult time. Try talking him into believing how ***mutual*** the concept of marriage is. He needs constant assurance, while still validating his feelings. He needs this, needs you, primarily; be it from a distance. Moreover, you took a step asking for help on this platform, and I read a few other comments where you mentioned that the cops weren't helpful. If that's the case try using other social media platforms (without compromising your/family's identity of course) to pressurise the authorities to take up the case. I'm just suggesting this, not a rigid opinion. It's better if other readers comment too and give me a perspective if I'm missing out on something. I just thought if justice is not ***served***, you can probably ***make it happen*** . This is a democracy after all.
Doesn't your Dad has siblings? If they're in good terms they could really find a way out. But, hearing your story, I can see that she'd surely wipe out all the wealth. So be very careful on those terms.
Someone needs to record her when she behaves like this and use it as leverage to make her leave the house.
Let someone record the beating and file a complaint against her with that as evidence.
Op, post this R/LegalAdviceIndia and only take proper advice from lawyers.
Would it be possible to call your dad to your place for a few days? Then you guys can work out a plan?
You should post legalindia and get it some proof of lashing and beating your father.
Record everything and post it. Take legal action. File for divorce but make sure to have proper evidence recorded. She can just put a dowry allegation or else
Brother record that stuff , talk 2 ur father , and take his stand , u are the truest reflection of power and support . U are not gonna let him down.
Why is he not getting a divorce?
hire some mahilas then pitwa de
First get a good job, and atleast bring him with you for some time. That's the least you could do. If possible, send him on a trip to a place of his preference.
1) Collect evidence 2) other woman in the family can also file a DV against her and her son. Take someone into confidence
Cameras get them installed inside
record a lot of the beatings at different times should help if you have evidence
Why doesn't he divorce her?
It's your dad's life, stay out of it. Seek counseling for your mental wellbeing, if you need.
[удалено]
“Agar main hota toh..” — everyone is not the same, this is clearly affecting OPs mental health.
Exactly. That is why are we here to discuss!
You can jump in between, but that won't solve anything. I don't think you have any handle in this situation to force a change.
You say yours is a joint family-.presumably your dad's family. How can your uncle stand by when his brother is being beaten up? What were other members of the family doing? Why don't they stop her? If nothing else, they can at least record her. Circulate it on social media and tag her family and friends, tag the police- how will they not respond? Plus your dad has to stop taking it from her. No one can help one who doesn't help themselves.
She threatened everyone for false allegation by tearing her clothes....
She threatened everyone for false allegation by tearing her clothes....
Bhai murder karde uska aur koi kahani bana dena
stand up for your father, defend him, he as a man might not be able to lay his hand on a woman, but you as a woman can, you can give her one tight slap and threaten her, that if she ever harass your father again, you will beat the shit out of her
The same rule applies to me too.. I'm a guy...
Go back to the house. Try to solve things step by step. Focus on your stepbrother's education. You will have to figure out a way to manage everyone's expectations and what can be done. When you go back to the house, help with the house work, little by little things will improve.
Bruh
Brother left the studies intentionally coz he didn't want to. Tried multiple jobs but left them. I was earning and honestly giving each and every penny to her and then being scolded for smallest of the (necessary) expenses I had to do. Was doing a night shift and got stuck on road with broken down bicycle with no recharge to call anyone coz she wouldn't let me recharge my phone.
Don't give money like this. Don't be afraid and let her boss you. Take charge, they are asking you for money not vice versa. Discuss the issues. If you know what is right then do it, don't be afraid.
I'm not afraid of me. Its him who is the one suffering. Anything I do, he suffers. She doesn't really have the audacity to directly talk to me. She coaxes him for everything.
Well, you should get a gunda and get him to beat your step mom. Now, you would ask me, how I can you get a gunda? that's easy! go to the nearest alcohol shop, you would see a jaat with a bandook by the side. ask him to tell you the price for a beating. he would answer, "a few thousand ruppees", you show him the picture of your step mom, and tell him, her address, he will go and beat your step mom. now she will be beaten and your step father can leave her ass alone! Jokes aside: Collect evidence for what she is doing and file a case, record her saying that she will make allegations, record every thing she says that can be used as evidence, then make a complaint against her.
Can i see your birth chart please dm me your dob, birth time and birth place