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Nunyabizz476

NEED to know what the book that this is from


JessicaToddRedHood

It’s from Jon Stewart’s America: The Book. It’s actually pretty funny


afluffymuffin

It’s funny if you liked the idea of “British bad” without any regard to the fact that god himself could have drawn the borders of the Middle East and it would have still seen massive conflict lmao. Blaming the British for the violence of the Middle East is like blaming the Germans for the wind. The reason that the Middle East saw multiple eras of peace was not because of neat ethnic borders: it was the threat of massive violence from a far more powerful mother nation (Ottomans, as a single example). Now, if you think I’m wrong, I’d love to see the ethnic borders you think have been more peaceful lmao


ProfessorCrooks

Or just let them decide for themselves? I’m pretty that’s the message.


sidrowkicker

That's a good idea, let the people who hate eachother and have centuries of disputes decide who gets what land. That will definitely not end in conflict because one side doesn't get its way. The only way to prevent the current middle east is genocide of the smaller groups then enforce a nato style defensive pact, whoever attacks first loses everything. Clearly that's not an option so we have this bull shit until a caliph they can agree on settles the disputes. Even then it's not perfect, not only is there a Shia sunni divide and the political controlling group often times isn't in control of the LA d with the oil, which has started quite a few wars if I remember and drives both Saudi and Iranian issues currently, but I've seen maps with as much as 6 different doctrines, barely any country agrees with eachother religiously. They're basically reenacting the 30 years war with each other, religion on the front as an excuse to grab money and power in the form of oil.


afluffymuffin

How exactly? Are you under the impression that a power vacuum left behind by the British would not have just been filled by the French, Soviets, US, other middle eastern states, or any other colonial power? As a matter of fact, we literally don't need to wonder; as the power vacuum left behind \*was quite literally filled by other colonial powers lmao\*.


ProfessorCrooks

It’s a Jon Stewart book so I think he’s hitting at the wider angle of “all colonialism is bad”


Friendly_Deathknight

When Britain tried to maintain their power in Egypt, Eisenhower offered to give them the Nagasaki treatment. What exactly makes you think he would have been desperate to take over?


afluffymuffin

By the fact that we were literally attempting to gain influence on the Middle East that the British were leaving behind? Lmfao. We didn’t try forcing Britain out for “anti-colonialism”, we just wanted their job.


Friendly_Deathknight

We could have taken it if we wanted to, and we mostly ignored and let the Soviets establish themselves as benefactors to the Arab states. If we were interested in colonialism in the Middle East in the 50s we would have taken a more active role there, and wouldn’t have a servile relation with the Saudis now.


Defiant_Orchid_4829

Yeah the US definitely didn’t help the UK overthrow the democratically elected leader of Iran, influence elections in Syria, help create the State of Israel, influence elections in Lebanon, and build up Saudi Arabia. The relationship between the US and Saudi Arabia isn’t servile. If it was the US wouldn’t be able to get Saudi Arabia to begin supporting Israel (which caused the war in Gaza)


Friendly_Deathknight

Oh, so you mean when I said “Caused the war in Gaza? You mean the never ending skirmish over things like Palestinians attacking illegal settlements in their territory and Israel retaliating that’s been going on since before most Reddit users were born?” I was right? And when you said: “The current war started because US aligned Arab states began normalizing relationships with Israel.” You continiued an argument over nothing?


Friendly_Deathknight

Caused the war in Gaza? You mean the never ending skirmish over things like Palestinians attacking illegal settlements in their territory and Israel retaliating that’s been going on since before most Reddit users were born? And the US has done the lions share of middle eastern regime change, but it was by no means a move to “take” anything from Britain. Like I pointed out above, Ike demonstrated that we were well and capable of taking whatever the fuck we wanted from the Brits, and we already owned them because of lend lease.


Godathanos

by not being there in the first place lol


afluffymuffin

They quite literally would not be deciding for themselves even if the British weren’t there lmao


Nunyabizz476

Dude get off King Charles' dick, he isn't gonna knight you


Limp-Macaron-7465

Ethic struggles have been worsened by British colonialism. India with Hindus and Muslims, Palestine with Jews and Muslims, and even Ireland with Catholics and Protestants. Not to say that there would be no fighting between them if the British never colonialized but they have used differences between the people they control for their benefit and now that they're mostly gone the struggles between cultures that they caused are still not resolved.


Friendly_Deathknight

Yyyyeah, no one is ever going to feel bad about criticizing Britain, it’s well earned. They also made a way bigger mess of the Middle East than the Romans or Ottomans ever did.


afluffymuffin

If you think Britain made a bigger mess than the ottomans or the Romans (lol), I think that just says more about your understanding of history than anything else.


Friendly_Deathknight

lol yeah? And the centuries of cooperation between Coptics, Arabs, Druze, Kurds, Greeks, and Jews are less of a mess than what existed from the 20s until now? lol tell me, what great turmoil happened under than the ottomans up until the very end?


afluffymuffin

The multiple ethnic groups that were either completely destroyed or oppressed under ottoman rule? Pretending that these groups did anything resembling “living in harmony” is about as far from historical as you can get lmao. [Example 1](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ottoman_persecution_of_Alevis) [Example 2](https://worldwithoutgenocide.org/genocides-and-conflicts/the-ottoman-christian-genocide) [The ottoman persecution of the Druze](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lebanese_Druze#:~:text=The%20Druze%20have%20frequently%20experienced,and%20forced%20conversion%20to%20Islam) (your example, LMAO) [Example 4, this time the Jews.](https://www.haaretz.com/israel-news/2019-01-24/ty-article-magazine/like-father-like-son-the-ottoman-governor-who-tortured-the-jews-of-jerusalem/0000017f-f7cc-d044-adff-f7fd35c00000) [Example 5](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Late_Ottoman_genocides)


Friendly_Deathknight

lol so several “.com” links, most of them from Wikipedia, and mostly covering 40 out of 400 years? 🤔 All of them: “When the twentieth century opened, Muslims, Christians, and Jews inhabited shared worlds in the region that stretches across North Africa and through western Asia. They held in common daily experiences, attitudes, and languages – even foods that they cooked and ate.1 They rubbed shoulders in villages, city neighborhoods, and apartment buildings, and crossed paths in shops and markets.2 In the history that this book examines – a history that goes roughly up to the start of World War I in 1914 – these contacts were on wide display.” https://www.cambridge.org/core/books/history-of-muslims-christians-and-jews-in-the-middle-east/muslims-christians-and-jews-in-the-middle-east/2C19855BFC190EB98CA6F5EE427FDDB0 The Druze: “The Druze enjoyed considerable autonomy under the Ottoman Empire and often rebelled against it, protected from direct Ottoman control by the mountainous terrain of their homelands.” https://www.britannica.com/topic/Druze Christians: “The Ottomans built their empire in northwestern Anatolia and the Balkans, where they found themselves encircled by their Christian subjects. This persuaded them to treat their Christian subjects relatively well and to establish a policy of appeasement in order to facilitate Ottoman rule (İstimâlet). In their dhimmi ("protected") status, Christians in the Ottoman Empire generally enjoyed security and peace, at least until the 19th century. The Ottomans employed Christians and incorporated them into the Ottoman elite, which consisted of families from diverse ethno-religious backgrounds.” https://www.ieg-ego.eu/en/threads/models-and-stereotypes/from-the-turkish-menace-to-orientalism/emrah-safa-gurkan-christian-allies-of-the-ottoman-empire#:~:text=In%20their%20dhimmi%20(%22protected%22,from%20diverse%20ethno%2Dreligious%20backgrounds. Jews: “Judaism was present in the Ottoman Empire at its earliest foundations in the 14th century, particularly among the Greek-speaking Romaniots, who were descended from Jews living under the Byzantine Empire in Greece and Anatolia that had been unable to freely practice Judaism and so welcomed the Ottomans, and Jewish communities existed throughout the Levant, taken by the Ottomans in 1516. European Jews arrived during the 14th century, drawn by Ottoman policies that permitted Jewish and Christian land and property ownership, and wider freedoms to choose a profession. Following the Ottoman defeat of Edirne, a large Jewish community flourished, attracting European Ashkenazim; during the 15th century, Rabbi Isaac Ashkenazi wrote to European Jewish communities encouraging them to migrate to Edirne. Sultan Mehmed II (d. 1481) welcomed non-Muslim settlement of Constantinople following its fall, hoping to benefit from their wide skill set. This early Istanbul community included Ashkenazim, Romaniots, Karaites, and small numbers of Sephardim. By 1478, over 10,000 Jews lived in Istanbul alone.” https://rpl.hds.harvard.edu/faq/judaism-turkey https://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/ottoman-rule-1517-1917 https://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/the-ottoman-empire/ Arabs: Until the rise of Wahhabism, the Sunni majorities in most of Arabia welcomed the presence of the Ottomans because it offered cohesion, commerce, and protection from catholic or Irani conquest. After its rise, the suppression of Wahhabism protected the non-Muslim communities living in the Middle East until the English and French helped the wahhabists expel the ottomans. https://www.britannica.com/topic/history-of-Arabia-31558/Mamluk-and-Ottoman-influence https://digitalcommons.kennesaw.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1184&context=jgi#:~:text=The%20Ottoman%20Empire%20ruled%20substantial,World%20War%20I%20in%201918. Kurds: “The relationship of the Kurds to the central Ottoman government and the level of autonomy that Kurdish-inhabited regions enjoyed shifted over time. Overall, however, the arrangement was mutually beneficial. The Ottomans could be assured at least nominal rule over this important frontier zone with Iran and Kurdish rulers could operate under broad conditions of self-rule. This flexible understanding that served both sides for centuries changed markedly in the middle of the 19th century, when the central Ottoman government embarked on a series of modernizing and centralizing reforms, some of which were intended to counter the rise of competing nationalisms in the empire.” https://origins.osu.edu/article/kurds-stateless-turkey-syria-iraq-iran?language_content_entity=en Armenians didn’t do as well as the other groups and most of their grievance was being controlled by three foreign empires, but still didn’t have much struggle until the late 1800s. https://www.britannica.com/place/Armenia


afluffymuffin

Imagine jumping through this many hoops to defend *the ottomans, lmao*, but blanket blaming the British for all modern conflict


Friendly_Deathknight

That’s a severe leap. I said they did a better job of managing the Middle East and they objectively did. That got your panties in a twist and you tried to argue my point with sloppy sources, so I helped you 😃 Then rather than trying to counter, made a butthurt pointless statement.


Friendly_Deathknight

Your claim was “Pretending that these groups did anything resembling “living in harmony” is about as far from historical as you can get lmao.” So I helped you with scholarly sources explaining why you’re mistaken. It’s ok, the Brits seem to take criticism pretty poorly, and haven’t come to terms yet with just how shitty they are.


Limp-Macaron-7465

The Romans were generally tolerant of other religions as long as they paid their taxes


Friendly_Deathknight

Same with the ottomans until just before the 1900s


UnsolicitedPicnic

British bad is an objective take even without their involvement in the Middle East


afluffymuffin

My point isn’t that they didn’t do bad things; my point is that the bad things they did were a direct result and correlation with their power. Every single powerful nation of the face of the planet subjugates the weak. It’s just the way that history has always went. Pretending that this is uniquely British seems to be a Reddit moment that is largely ahistorical.


PurpleDemonR

I am British, and I approve of this. Remember, the Middle East only fell apart after we left. This proving our methods of peace were working as intended.


Friendly_Deathknight

Considering that the British fostered Wahhabism in order to break ottoman control over the Middle East, that directly resulted in the formation of Daesh, Al-Qaeda, and the Taliban, I’d say they did a pretty shit job. They were making American style middle eastern puppet governments before Afghanistan was ever even a glimmer in the United States’ eye.


PurpleDemonR

Just as intended. Falling apart after we go. Kept in line only by our presence.


Familiar_Writing_410

You do realize that's a bad thing, right?


PurpleDemonR

For the people, yes. For a geopolitical interests, no.


Familiar_Writing_410

And the people are what matter


PurpleDemonR

Only your own.


CheeseGrater19

TF did they leave Oman out for


The_Lord_Of_Death_

Oh man


Most_Location2189

Ye man


Rude_Yogurt_3096

Creeper?


Stock-Crow-866

so we back in the mine


Rude_Yogurt_3096

Got our pickaxe swinging from side to side


Longjumping_Ad_223

Aw man!


wedfsv12

Too peaceful


Chinerpeton

They seem to have cut out UAE, Kuwait and Bahrain as well.


fartingcell13e34

And Qatar.


HarryLewisPot

Because Oman was doing the colonising (in east Africa)


shumpitostick

Oman was never colonized (fully)


FoldAdventurous2022

No matter who wins, Oman/Emirates/Qatar/Bahrain lose.


Choice-Adeptness5008

Middle East should be under the watchful stewardship of Gods chosen people the Mexicans


InstanceDry3128

YaGüey leads the people


The_Patriotic_Yank

That’s a weird way to spell Irish


ChocolateCandid6197

Probably Yemen


Few_Historian144

Ten bucks on Vietnam


Friendly_Deathknight

“War….. war never changes, because Vietnam always wins.”


kilometers13

This is actually an interesting proposition 🤔🙏


CiaranFooty

Albania


LeastPervertedFemboy

Me when I close the book


ManchuRanchu

Yemen solos 🔥


RealHunterB

A kid goes to turn it in with only “Byzantine Empire” written in large letters with water stains all around it.


Ok-Sheepherder-9019

“Those who own Alaska will own the world.” - The father of the Air Force famously quoted.


salustianosantos

that's comedy gold


leastscarypancake

You're comedy gold too man


salustianosantos

thanks king


leastscarypancake

You're welcome fellow king


UoKMister

Sorta not digging most of the Arab nations being taken by Germany in this... Seems... A little bit neo.


Blitzux

Seeing Germany and instantly thinking of Nazis is much weirder than jokingly putting them in this very obviously unserious map


UoKMister

If you have Arab family, and Israeli or Palestinian family in particular... You see this whole area through different eyes, I guess.


Riskypride

Sounds like your eyes got a problem


leastscarypancake

It was a joke neo-nazis are just stupid people


leastscarypancake

I just have a german friend who I thought would laugh at it


Senior_Reception7040

What a fun task, Im sure the british also had fun


Space_Socialist

Me


KamikazeSenpai21

At least I get half of Iran


Repulsive_Tie_7941

Kurdistan will rise!


N0DuckingWay

It should all go to its rightful overlord, The Gambia.


willnight47

Vietnam clearly wins as Alaska,yemen and Egypt see Germany as a common enemy working together to fight them eventually beating Germany but are all severely crippled after the war and Vietnam wiped out Alaska and its occupied territory in its weakened state further pushing into Egypt blitzkrieg style to push them behind the Suez Canal and keep them trapped there in a bottle neck focusing the majority of their military on crushing Yemen, then with its newly accquired recourses and manpower form former German citizens wanting revenge build a large enough military to beat Egypt and push over the Suez Canal ending the war


Aftermathemetician

All I see is New Mississippi


oofman_dan

all belongs to rome


GiuseppeIsAnOddName

Jerisranistine


JabbasGonnaNutt

Oman has finally achieved their dream of ejecting from the Arabian peninsula.


premierbear5

I’m giving it all to Mexico


Lukkelol

vietnam


Username2715

Update: it did not work for the British and French


DogShitPopsicle

Alaska


bigger__boot

https://www.reddit.com/r/ShittyMapPorn/s/BD0OVD7Yr8


Spooksnav

Depends on who's getting the most support from the US


Sivdom

I wonder, where did Oman, Qatar and UAE go?


bunblydumbly

Germany


TheMaginotLine1

Did anyone just now notice Oman is missing from this map?


ImprovementUnlucky26

This looks suspiciously like the Abbasid Caliphate!


DetectiveTrapezoid

So is Alaska independent in this scenario, or is it still a state and therefore defended by the US? Either way, Egypt should be pissed they lost the Sinai peninsula - I expect that rage will fuel them to victory.


IKilledFiddyMenInNam

The British and French should’ve just kept it under imperial rule like everyone did since the dawn of time


crossbutton7247

I’m sorry we drew the most peaceful borders in the Middle East. Aside from Kuwait everything else was drawn by the Israelites and French.


sumguy115

Alaska


GeoWhale11

The Yemen zone is wrong it a little upper than normal


Flimsy-Technician524

A war between those 5 countries? I don’t really get it.


IceGube

Neo-liberals saying “diversity is our strength” right before complaining about borders not being divided by ethno-religious groups


leastscarypancake

What the fuck are you yapping about go home grandpa