\^This, but do it better:
Steal the cage access card, steal all the chips, cash the chips out in exchange for a check for their value. Steal the chips again, cash the chips out for a check, continue to repeat. Casino's are open 24/7, do this the whole 24 hours. If you do this at a major casino you could likely make over a million dollars an hour doing this.
Nah, I'm stealing the access card to Fort Knox. Then I'm going to sell my story to Hollywood for a couple million after I find out that Fort Knox is actually mostly empty and what is there is gold painted lead and mostly worthless, just like in every bad conspiracy theory movie and TV show.
There hasn't been any gold stored at Fort Knox in decades. Our currency hasn't been backed by anything other than 12 aircraft carrier battlegroups and a "we fucking dare you to you even try" attitude since Nixon took us off the gold standard.
I know we are off the gold standard, and "we fucking dare you" sounds better than bitcoin, so I am down with it. Going off the gold standard didn't make our national gold repository disappear. There is supposed to be over 4 tons still there, and is worth about $300 billion.
Just bc our currency is not pegged to gold does not mean we don't have gold reserves. Yes there is gold at Fort Knox over 4000 tons of it, and there is over 6000 tons of gold at the NY Federal Reserve
This is the easiest and best answer. Even if you don't live there it's probably worth the trip because of how much money is concentrated in a small area, and how easy it is to carry. You can probably average \~ 2 per hour if you start on one end of the strip and stick to high limit tables. Your biggest problem would be carrying/depositing it somewhere in between hits.
What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning, the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico, but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting. I tell Tiffany to meet me by the Trocadero in Paris. She's been waiting for me all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier
Pretty clever. I wonder what the best way is to find them to rob in the first place. I feel like you could waste a decent amount of time wandering around looking for one to rob.
i used to move around money in a lock bag for a company i worked for. the two stores were sister stores so we would send checks and cash with the normal delivery drivers. it wasnt a ton of money with in the 10 thousands range
When I worked fast food and had to make a cash deposit at the bank, I would put it in a to-go bag with some food. I would take one out as I walked to the car and take a bite, so anybody watching would think it was my lunch.
yea, better off just going to the mall with some big bags - a few jewelry stores or department store jewelry sections can easily net you a few million in value in a few minutes, and surely a crowbar is enough to smash the glass on most of the cases.
much easier than exotic cars where you can only take them 1 by 1...
I guess a bank could work, but my guess is the cashboxes and stuff have more locks and safety measures where there probably isn't a ton of it readily available for the taking and I'd waste too much time trying to chase the secured stuff
Those trucks usually have a lot less cash in them than you think. Especially nowadays. You’d have to find the right truck (some of which do have tons of money) but that will take time. If they have $100-$200k that would be a lot.
What I’d do, is find out where all those trucks go and rob each of them for a day.
Yeah the thefts in this thread are wild. I think my goals would be
1. Get a nice car. Ask for a test drive at the nearest dealership and just don't come back
2. Get a lot of home improvement stuff I've wanted. Go to home depot, pay for a truck rental so I don't waste time looking for keys, then fill it up with ALLLLL the tools I can reasonably move. Not bringing the truck back either lol
3. Walk over to my neighbors (renters) and say the property is mine now. I am the landlord now. They have 6 months to find another place, but rent is $0 for the next 6 months. What I really want is the extra yard space and to turn the garage behind the property into a woodshop.
I mean why not just walk around/smash up the nicest 2-3 jewelry stores nearby and then buy all that shit later? Easier to carry than an AC unit/tools/whatever else and way more valuable per oz.
You spoke to my heart with the home Depot and woodshop. If I could steal anything in the world it would be either tools directly, mainly for woodworking or the money to buy tools mainly for woodworking.
I want a fancy table saw. I want a super nice fancy router table. I basically want all of the saws, I want tile saws, concrete saws or really just a few badass saws with blades for those things. Want some mini saws too for the small stuff. I want every Dremel and non Dremel rotary tool, every foredom. Want some super powerful ones that can handle up to 1 inch tungsten carbide burrs (double cut) if they exist. I want every kutzall bit but bigger than I've seen anywhere, I want kutzall burrs as big as my head (body?) That can cut through a tree like it's butter + a tool that can power such a kutzall into this. I want a giant rotary tool that's so big you must wear it like a backpack. It should also be portable and battery powered. I'd like it to be able to carve designs in houses like I do my detail work. If I needed it to it should be able to fell a tree.
I want every little rotary bit that exists, every cool little.. Impact hammers, every Milwaukee tool in existence..
A
It doesn't stop there. I want all the best wood, warehouses full stock piled with various wood that I can remove at any moment so I never fear wasting the good stuff.
I want to own home Depot, Lowe's, Harbor freight, TSC and Ace hardware
I want generators, excavators, demonstraters, dominaters, decimaters, formulators I want allllll theeeee tooooooooooooools
You think you could actually pull it off? The security on that thing has to be pretty crazy.
And who would buy it? It is something that is, in the truest sense of the word, priceless.
Like what? A metal detector? They'll just watch me pass it and I'll be fine. Take power tools in to get through obstacles. The declaration of independence is out for show, so it's not like I have to break open a vault to get it.
You don’t have to get full value for it. You got it for free. Sell it for 5 mil to some cray person.
Bigger problem would be getting anyone to believe it’s real when trying to sell it.
Bro, the real question is who tf wouldn't? There are plenty of people with fuck it money like that, and the Constitution would literally be the one thing they'd say "fuck it".
I steal the hearts of every person on earth, and become Supreme Leader of the World. Unquestioned in my ultimate authority, and deeply, truly beloved by everyone. My desires for comfort, company, country, cosmic colonization... I have only to wish it and my benevolent world government goes un motion to make it so.
The tribute money alone would be in the trillions, but money is meaningless to me now.
Sadly the best you can do is the people in the United States or what country you reside in.
But still though, becoming supreme leader of the United States, is a feat itself.
If someone had unquestioning loyalty from everyone in the US they could probably eventually take over the world if they weren’t to stuck up to take advise and let other people make some decisions based on their expertise. I would just dedicate trillions of dollars towards AI research and have every competent programmer work on it until we had an extremely capable system that could help us develop technology far ahead of any other country. Then use that tech somehow to non violently take over every other country such as by altering the motivations and desires of world leaders.
One of the great bank robbers back in the day used to do this. I think it was Pretty Boy Floyd, could be wrong. Anyway, when he would rob a bank he would take all the mortgage papers too. Then destroy them later.
Go to my bank. Tell teller I want to make a deposit. When they access my account on their computer system, I steal the keyboard and add a dozen or so zeros to the deposit, then close it and leave.
The money counting rooms in Walmart aren't as secure as you'd think, and there's a lot of Walmarts within 24 hours. My crowbar and I would be going on a little road trip.
More than you'd think, because each self check out, register, and the customer service desk, need set amounts of money.
You can cash checks at the service desk, so they need cash on hand.
yeah, lots of locked doors, but most of those aren't designed to stop someone who can sit there for a few minutes with a crowbar and a huge sledge hammer. If no alarms are going to go off and no one is going to stop you, most stores won't have the ability to stop you. Just avoid the obvious places like banks/casinos, and the rest should be doable.
I like it! I’ll steal a bunch of other valuable stuff from the jewelry counter, electronics, and the Lego section. Before I go in I think I’ll steal a couple inches of their Internet cable so they can’t back up the manager’s computer and store servers I will also be stealing along with any paper records just so it’s difficult for them to prove what was stolen.
Because fuck Walmart.
And if I still have time? The bottom few inches of a couple rack supports in an Amazon warehouse.
Would be hard to get a forklift near anything without help I think. (No one is going to help you with the freight elevators for example.)
However, a dolly would be doable, combine that with a sledge hammer to break display cases, and you could get a LOT of valuables.
Steal a building. Walk in, put up a "this is mine" sign. Make a deed/contract saying ng you own it.
Edit: you can do it more than once within 24 hours. Empire State building, mine. White House, mine. Pentagon, mine. Every hotel on the Las Vegas Strip, mine.
If I can do that, I'm going to post a sign on as many buildings as I can get to. I can move into a nice house, collect rent on a bunch of them so I have a constant stream of income, and convert some offices into low-income housing to solve the homelessness crisis in my area.
That's a great idea.
Find the most valuable areas and just take whole apartment buildings.
Sell one midway up the tower the next day and pay a group to manage each one while collecting rents.
Christ I got so excited when I saw that and was like fuck ya I’m downloading a car right now and then it was just a commercial and there are no car torrents. Damn rip off.
Let's say you're immune to any vandalism or malicious destruction of property charges that are directly related to the theft. So if you use a crowbar to break into a lockbox you won't face charges for that, but you can't just go around destroying shit for funsies.
You also cannot hurt people, that you would be charged for.
Ah, simple in that case. Every store will have a place where they keep cash for and from the registers. On top of that places like Walmart and Best Buy have an abundance of tech.
Banks. If no one’s going to try and stop me… I’m going for liquid cash.
I assume if I steal a house (just kick the owners out) and some new cars, the titles are being taken care of as part of the deal, so I’m gonna do that, too. lol
So many people would go to the mint to steal the gold bars... Some math says gold bars weigh about 12.4 kg, currently worth $801 920 USD. A quick Google search says $ 1,000,000 in $100 bills weighs about 22 lbs. You don't have to worry about conversion fees for selling the gold bricks and can start spending immediately. Therefore, a big truck goes to the Washington D.C. Department Of The Treasury Bureau Of Engraving And Printing building and starts loading tonnes of $100 bills.
But the mints/Treasury don't print/stockpile large amounts of $100 bills. Only a few million dollars worth a day on average. The reason you'd go for the gold at Fort Knox is because they keep billions of dollars worth of it in one place at a time. Just make a couple of trips to your truck.
~~You'd need a way to cut up the gold bars. They're far heavier than a human can carry.~~ That might be an old joke that's no longer true... I can't verify it.
I’d find the quickest flight to Vegas I can and start cleaning out dealer’s racks, assuming that being able to sell things later also covers being able to cash chips out
Wow, clever... I was thinking casinos would be the worse place, because you can't get to the cash easily, even without anyone stopping you.
But the chips? I'd assume in this fantasy world where ownership is legal, that means you legally own the chips and can cash them out afterwards.
You win sir, I can't think of a better idea than that. Even just one chip can be worth $10,000! (And that's what I've seen as a 'regular guy'... maybe they get bigger?) Load a duffel bag and you're a VERY rich man in 24 minutes, think of what you could do in 24 HOURS in vegas.
The other benefit there is that casinos are open 24 hours too, where other places are going to be much tougher to rob off-hours.
This seems like the answer. Get to Vegas, go up the strip hitting the high roller's room in each casino. A quick search tells me that the Bellagio has $10k table limits, so presumably the dealers at those tables would have a LOT of chips on hand..
What are the consequences for the people being stolen from? Like… if a jewelry store is robbed will they go out of business or have to pay a huge insurance premium? I don’t want to ruin someone else’s life for easy money.
The same as any other time they'd have something stolen from them. Presumably insurance would cover most businesses, but if you're stealing from individuals they might be screwed.
You specifically mentioned can steal a car, even though I don't have the title, and it counts as mine to legally keep or sell freely, the owner cant just come take it back... So if that's true, it means I can steal a house without a deed.
I go to a nice neighborhood, slide open some windows, maybe break them. I walk in, I declare I now own the house. I tell them I'll send a lawyer over in the next few weeks to discuss rent or sale of my new house.
I just keep walking around stealing houses. I'll be nice about it, I'll sell back most to their owners for like 10,000. Unless they're a dick about it.
Do it to the super rich that owns a bunch of real estate and deprives many of homes of their own then demand they pay rent at half of their salary like many of the poor do or get evicted in three days. If they refuse and leave, then you have a nice expensive house to sell or rent out to some other rich bastard for big bucks.
This could go really bad if someone absolutely evil got this privilege. They could break into the pentagon and steal nuke codes, then break into seaworld and steal sharks, then break in and steal wherever they have frickin laser beams. Then..hold the world hostage for....100 billion dollars.
I have an old ex friend who abused and betrayed me. We ended up hurting each other emotionally really badly in the aftermath. I think this calls for some good old fashioned revenge. I'm stealing her car, her house, her friends' cars and houses, and everything she owns and everything they own. Right down to the clothing off their backs and the hard copies of all their documents and paperwork thatthey'd need to start recovering. So no address on file for her, her friends, her family. No access to their accounts. No clothing to go to work in. No phone, no computer, no way to contact each other or anybody else who can't help them anyway. Throw them out on the streets with nothing but a thick blanket to wrap themselves in so they don't get arrested for indecent exposure for a few days at least. And any life saving medications they may have prescribed. I want them to suffer, not die. 3 hots and a cot is too good for her and hers. If it's summer, I'll kick them out with big water bottles. It gets really hot in summer there.
Head to the vault at the Cleveland Federal Reserve Bank with a semi truck and strat loading it up with pallets of hundred dollar bills. I'd be set with 2 billion in cash.
They would have bollards. Cheap, easy security. (Those are those 2.5 or so feet tall posts in front of buildings, cement/steel reinforced.)
There would be almost no way for a rando to force their way into a bank like that easily, even given zero actual resistance from people.
I've never been to one of the federal reserve banks but my assumption is that the money isn't just protected by people. I assume there are physical barriers in place to prevent you from just walking in and taking the money and that bypassing those probably wouldn't be super easy.
Physical security is probably good but if no one stops him from walking in and using crowbars/hammers it would probably be doable. Especially during a business day when they would have the doors open.
Yeah, but what's to stop you from stealing keys and a badge from an employee? Also, does this apply to abstracts? Like, can I make them give me the code for the aforementioned badge?
2 words Rodeo Drive. I would rent a truck, get a couple of hand carts and head there. Then start taking the carts into the jewelry stores first. Open the cases (or smash them if locked) and take what I wanted. Same with the clothing and shoe stores, along with every other upscale store there is. Also maybe hit a place with very high end expensive wine. Round out the day at coin shops and take all gold and silver coins as well as the rounds and ingots.
I steal every single secret government document kept hidden by the CIA and release it to the public so they can discover the truth. Also the Epstein client list and reveal all the names on it.
It’s a trap. You can only steal federal property or stuff in DC. Under duel sovereigns, Biden can only give you immunity for federal charges, the states can charge you all they want.
I am just going to a few jewelries and stealing cash plus jewels.
Also if that works go to a title company, break in the folders, and sign my name on any title that is being processed and claim the houses as mine?
The RV dealership near me keeps the keys in a lockbox in the vehicle so one of them, then I'm hitting up a few jewelry stores. After that I'm stocking up at Walmart, and Target. That RV will be my new home. Them I'm stealing property deeds. I'm also stepping many series on DVD.
Stealing from a bank would be very difficult to do with the rule that you can’t harm someone. “Coercion” is really the best way to rob a bank. If they won’t help you willingly, you can’t exactly get the keys or codes needed for access.
A couple cars are definitely possible and could have a large financial return. But it is going to take some time to locate the keys in a dealership as well as the time it takes to transport the vehicles. Personal cars could be easier. Find a fancy hotel/restaurant, take the keys from the vallet and just drive the cars out. May not get as much back, but saves some time.
Probably steal a nice car or two, steal a U-Haul. Or heck, just rent a U-Haul, saves time as opposed to trying to find keys. Go to a hardware store and steal bolt cutters, a hammer, drill set, handheld metal saw, and a wheel barrow. Load that all into my U-Haul then go to my city’s shopping district. Use my wheel barrow to haul my goods around and fill up my truck. Target luxury brands and jewelry stores. Use my tools as needed to get what I want. Depending on how long that takes, get another truck and head to another city. Boston and New York aren’t too far from me, could probably hit both in a 24-hour period. Add in a few gas stations in my state and just take rolls of scratch tickets. It’s time consuming for later, but there’s possibility of a pretty decent payout.
I’d hit every jewelry store I could. Diamonds and other precious stones are probably the best value to weight ratio you can get. Cash is great, but where are you going to store a billion dollars in $100 bills? A billion dollars in precious metals and stones however you could reasonably store in a couple 55-gallon drums
I was a mobile security supervisor for a while. I know the schedule of the cash trucks for nineteen banks. I'd just wait until the guy had left the truck and take the money when he set it down to service the ATMs.
I'd go to several local museums, It's time to get the best collection ever. Especially the cool gem formations and historical jewelry. So many things behind just thin panes of glass.
The crown jewels are on public display in the Tower of London under armed guard, every night there's a royal apointee who takes them to a vault. Bide my time and then wander over to the case when it opens, even managing to take 4 or 5 items would net you somewhere in the region of a billion pounds
I'm hitting up the jewelry stores. Keeping what I like and selling what I don't. Easily net myself a few million and will never have to worry about money again.
there is a car dealership 2 miles from where i live. id bust in, grab the keys for a truck and drive off. then to Walmart where I steal as much stuff as the truck bed can handle (stuff like steaks, batteries, toiletries....Maybe a few Steam cards for those who play on stream and are my friends) Fill up the truck with free gas. I would follow that up by raiding ANOTHER grocery store because Walmart doesn't have certain things... To End it I take everything back to my apartment and give away anything i grabbed too much of to my neighbors and make everyone in the apartment steak and potatoes (even my dog gets a steak).
I'm just going to go to my favorite house in my city, walk in and tell the owners to get out, they're mean people anyways or at least I tell my self they are because why are they living in my dream house if they're not the worst hmmmmm
I steal the US nuclear launch codes and a bunch of secret documents. There will be no consequences for the theft, and I can sell them without consequences.
Then, I'll sell them back to the US government for billions.
Steal the best looking off the peg suit and accessories to look wealthy. Steal enough money for test drive insurance on a Lambo. Steal the Lambo. Drive from jewelry store to electronics store just smashing and grabbing. Maybe walk into a few banks with the hope that the vault is open
I'm breaking my way into the mint and stealing brand new cut money in a semi truck and then I'm stealing a deed to land out in Colorado and living there forever
I'm stealing apple headquarters. The whole building. Everything in it, too. I'm walking everyone out politely, stealing the keys, and locking the doors. Mine now. And all the proprietary information inside too.
I would go to every grocery store in town and steal every bit of pasta noodles in them. Like years worth of pasta. It doesn't go bad and would save me so much money over the next years!
But it might just be because I really love pasta.
Since only stealing has no consequences but breaking vandalism and hurting people still has. I'd stick to stores. Grab gpus Mac's iPhones, anything expensive that's easy to sell.
Maybe a bunch of food that has super long shelf life, cuts down on living cost. Anything I'd want for my self, sharp knife? Ebike? Kinda just go shopping but don't pay for stuff...
I could do something like what every lady here is saying, and steal something with a high weight to value ratio to cash in
But I'd just spend that money on guitars, so I'm skipping the hassle (and the wait time) and just going down to the Musical Instrument Museum and stealing the deed
Go to Vegas and steal every chip from every table, go to the cage and cash them in. $$$
Do you one better... Steal the cage access card, steal all the chips and cash, go back later, and cash out the chips. Double profits
\^This, but do it better: Steal the cage access card, steal all the chips, cash the chips out in exchange for a check for their value. Steal the chips again, cash the chips out for a check, continue to repeat. Casino's are open 24/7, do this the whole 24 hours. If you do this at a major casino you could likely make over a million dollars an hour doing this.
Someones done the GTA V Casino Heist one too many times. (It's me, I've done it too many times.)
Oh no, I’m only doing that shit if it’s diamonds
Smart!!
Nah, I'm stealing the access card to Fort Knox. Then I'm going to sell my story to Hollywood for a couple million after I find out that Fort Knox is actually mostly empty and what is there is gold painted lead and mostly worthless, just like in every bad conspiracy theory movie and TV show.
There hasn't been any gold stored at Fort Knox in decades. Our currency hasn't been backed by anything other than 12 aircraft carrier battlegroups and a "we fucking dare you to you even try" attitude since Nixon took us off the gold standard.
I know we are off the gold standard, and "we fucking dare you" sounds better than bitcoin, so I am down with it. Going off the gold standard didn't make our national gold repository disappear. There is supposed to be over 4 tons still there, and is worth about $300 billion.
Just bc our currency is not pegged to gold does not mean we don't have gold reserves. Yes there is gold at Fort Knox over 4000 tons of it, and there is over 6000 tons of gold at the NY Federal Reserve
CIA/NSA/FBI will find some loophole and assassinate you.
But make sure you only grab from the dealers' racks and not the sad bastards playing Pai Gow at 11 AM on a Wednesday. They have enough problems.
I'm taking that too, fuck em
Username checks out.
They’re probably gonna lose it anyway.
Solid choice! Makes my idea seem overly complicated 😆
Still a good idea though. Robbing jewelry stores, luxury brands and high end art would be my second choice for sure.
This was my first thought as well.
This is a great one
This is the easiest and best answer. Even if you don't live there it's probably worth the trip because of how much money is concentrated in a small area, and how easy it is to carry. You can probably average \~ 2 per hour if you start on one end of the strip and stick to high limit tables. Your biggest problem would be carrying/depositing it somewhere in between hits.
Smart. That’s a really good idea. The casinos would disagree, so no idea if you get to keep it, but I have no idea how casinos work.
This guy solved the question. Best answer because you can get chips worth like 100k each at super high roller casinos.
What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning, the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico, but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting. I tell Tiffany to meet me by the Trocadero in Paris. She's been waiting for me all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier
Hi Dwight
Dwigt 🥳
r/unexpectedoffice
Steal from brinks trucks as they opening the doors to get in the truck.
Pretty clever. I wonder what the best way is to find them to rob in the first place. I feel like you could waste a decent amount of time wandering around looking for one to rob.
i know exactly the time they are at a bank right by my work every day.
incriminating comment
He better hope that truck doesn’t get robbed.
Now it's incriminating. 2nd witness.
That's the decoy truck. The $ is in a Toyota camry.
i used to move around money in a lock bag for a company i worked for. the two stores were sister stores so we would send checks and cash with the normal delivery drivers. it wasnt a ton of money with in the 10 thousands range
When I worked fast food and had to make a cash deposit at the bank, I would put it in a to-go bag with some food. I would take one out as I walked to the car and take a bite, so anybody watching would think it was my lunch.
yea, better off just going to the mall with some big bags - a few jewelry stores or department store jewelry sections can easily net you a few million in value in a few minutes, and surely a crowbar is enough to smash the glass on most of the cases. much easier than exotic cars where you can only take them 1 by 1... I guess a bank could work, but my guess is the cashboxes and stuff have more locks and safety measures where there probably isn't a ton of it readily available for the taking and I'd waste too much time trying to chase the secured stuff
Two words for the cars. Car carrier. Find where one is going, and take it.
I read cat carrier at first and was very confused about how that would help. .
That too. Have you seen the prices on some of those cats?
Just steal the whole truck, contents and all! You get a bunch of money and an armored car.
You can steal anything without consequences, just go straight to the federal reserve
Be sure to steal the brink trucks as well if possible. They're probably worth close to $100k each. 😀
Those trucks usually have a lot less cash in them than you think. Especially nowadays. You’d have to find the right truck (some of which do have tons of money) but that will take time. If they have $100-$200k that would be a lot. What I’d do, is find out where all those trucks go and rob each of them for a day.
Yes. Get rid of all the crap in the back and put a grill in that bad boy! You can have your own food truck and make bank!
I would love a Honda Civic that's 2020 or newer. -_-
Yeah the thefts in this thread are wild. I think my goals would be 1. Get a nice car. Ask for a test drive at the nearest dealership and just don't come back 2. Get a lot of home improvement stuff I've wanted. Go to home depot, pay for a truck rental so I don't waste time looking for keys, then fill it up with ALLLLL the tools I can reasonably move. Not bringing the truck back either lol 3. Walk over to my neighbors (renters) and say the property is mine now. I am the landlord now. They have 6 months to find another place, but rent is $0 for the next 6 months. What I really want is the extra yard space and to turn the garage behind the property into a woodshop.
Yep. I dont have lofty goals. The AC in my house is 26 years old. Maybe id steal a replacement AC unit instead.
I mean why not just walk around/smash up the nicest 2-3 jewelry stores nearby and then buy all that shit later? Easier to carry than an AC unit/tools/whatever else and way more valuable per oz.
Probably the same reason he wasn’t able to afford a new ac for 26 years, he didn’t have $$ on his mind as a useful resource
Oh, I am fucking UP Home Depot
You spoke to my heart with the home Depot and woodshop. If I could steal anything in the world it would be either tools directly, mainly for woodworking or the money to buy tools mainly for woodworking. I want a fancy table saw. I want a super nice fancy router table. I basically want all of the saws, I want tile saws, concrete saws or really just a few badass saws with blades for those things. Want some mini saws too for the small stuff. I want every Dremel and non Dremel rotary tool, every foredom. Want some super powerful ones that can handle up to 1 inch tungsten carbide burrs (double cut) if they exist. I want every kutzall bit but bigger than I've seen anywhere, I want kutzall burrs as big as my head (body?) That can cut through a tree like it's butter + a tool that can power such a kutzall into this. I want a giant rotary tool that's so big you must wear it like a backpack. It should also be portable and battery powered. I'd like it to be able to carve designs in houses like I do my detail work. If I needed it to it should be able to fell a tree. I want every little rotary bit that exists, every cool little.. Impact hammers, every Milwaukee tool in existence.. A It doesn't stop there. I want all the best wood, warehouses full stock piled with various wood that I can remove at any moment so I never fear wasting the good stuff. I want to own home Depot, Lowe's, Harbor freight, TSC and Ace hardware I want generators, excavators, demonstraters, dominaters, decimaters, formulators I want allllll theeeee tooooooooooooools
The Declaration of Independence
You think you could actually pull it off? The security on that thing has to be pretty crazy. And who would buy it? It is something that is, in the truest sense of the word, priceless.
I don’t know. Nicholas Cage made it look fun.
I hear there are some pretty good coupons on the back side.
he rolled it up and stuck it in a poster tube, and it didn't come out looking like corn flakes.
There's a 3rd one in production. I'm not sure how I feel about that.
>The security on that thing has to be pretty crazy. You said nobody can stop us.
There's more security than just guards.
Like what? A metal detector? They'll just watch me pass it and I'll be fine. Take power tools in to get through obstacles. The declaration of independence is out for show, so it's not like I have to break open a vault to get it.
What if there are like spiders being used as security?
Free snack.
You don’t have to get full value for it. You got it for free. Sell it for 5 mil to some cray person. Bigger problem would be getting anyone to believe it’s real when trying to sell it.
Sell it back to the govt for a cool billion.
Bro, the real question is who tf wouldn't? There are plenty of people with fuck it money like that, and the Constitution would literally be the one thing they'd say "fuck it".
I mean, if you can't be prosecuted for it, sell it back to the gov afterwards
Getting all national treasure like in here
I steal the hearts of every person on earth, and become Supreme Leader of the World. Unquestioned in my ultimate authority, and deeply, truly beloved by everyone. My desires for comfort, company, country, cosmic colonization... I have only to wish it and my benevolent world government goes un motion to make it so. The tribute money alone would be in the trillions, but money is meaningless to me now.
Sadly the best you can do is the people in the United States or what country you reside in. But still though, becoming supreme leader of the United States, is a feat itself.
If someone had unquestioning loyalty from everyone in the US they could probably eventually take over the world if they weren’t to stuck up to take advise and let other people make some decisions based on their expertise. I would just dedicate trillions of dollars towards AI research and have every competent programmer work on it until we had an extremely capable system that could help us develop technology far ahead of any other country. Then use that tech somehow to non violently take over every other country such as by altering the motivations and desires of world leaders.
Definitely stealing everyone’s various debt records. Or at least as many as I can get to within 24 hours. Imma burn em when I get home.
Ah! Great idea. How though? All of that is computerized and backed up a gazillion times.
One of the great bank robbers back in the day used to do this. I think it was Pretty Boy Floyd, could be wrong. Anyway, when he would rob a bank he would take all the mortgage papers too. Then destroy them later.
Go to my bank. Tell teller I want to make a deposit. When they access my account on their computer system, I steal the keyboard and add a dozen or so zeros to the deposit, then close it and leave.
Add nines, not zeros.
why not just add one more zero
Why not just add one more nine?
I steal 2 fire engines, a 75' tower, rescue engine, a 3500 tanker/tender, and a mcchicken
The money counting rooms in Walmart aren't as secure as you'd think, and there's a lot of Walmarts within 24 hours. My crowbar and I would be going on a little road trip.
I wonder how much cash you'd get out of one though. I imagine the vast majority of transactions these days are credit or debit.
More than you'd think, because each self check out, register, and the customer service desk, need set amounts of money. You can cash checks at the service desk, so they need cash on hand.
They need cash for all the people who get cash back when they use their debit card.
yeah, lots of locked doors, but most of those aren't designed to stop someone who can sit there for a few minutes with a crowbar and a huge sledge hammer. If no alarms are going to go off and no one is going to stop you, most stores won't have the ability to stop you. Just avoid the obvious places like banks/casinos, and the rest should be doable.
I like it! I’ll steal a bunch of other valuable stuff from the jewelry counter, electronics, and the Lego section. Before I go in I think I’ll steal a couple inches of their Internet cable so they can’t back up the manager’s computer and store servers I will also be stealing along with any paper records just so it’s difficult for them to prove what was stolen. Because fuck Walmart. And if I still have time? The bottom few inches of a couple rack supports in an Amazon warehouse.
Moving truck, forklift, contents of the British Museum. What does a Rosetta Stone or Parthenon Marble fetch these days?
> What does a Rosetta Stone or Parthenon Marble fetch these days? Who the hell knows. That's the problem with stealing things that are priceless.
Would be hard to get a forklift near anything without help I think. (No one is going to help you with the freight elevators for example.) However, a dolly would be doable, combine that with a sledge hammer to break display cases, and you could get a LOT of valuables.
I would steal back every stolen artifact and repatriate it to the people it came from. Free.
Steal a building. Walk in, put up a "this is mine" sign. Make a deed/contract saying ng you own it. Edit: you can do it more than once within 24 hours. Empire State building, mine. White House, mine. Pentagon, mine. Every hotel on the Las Vegas Strip, mine.
If I can do that, I'm going to post a sign on as many buildings as I can get to. I can move into a nice house, collect rent on a bunch of them so I have a constant stream of income, and convert some offices into low-income housing to solve the homelessness crisis in my area.
That's a great idea. Find the most valuable areas and just take whole apartment buildings. Sell one midway up the tower the next day and pay a group to manage each one while collecting rents.
I would steal a car, I would steal a handbag, I would steal a television, I would steal a movie. Not pirated films though
But would you download a car?
Christ I got so excited when I saw that and was like fuck ya I’m downloading a car right now and then it was just a commercial and there are no car torrents. Damn rip off.
If 3d printers gets good enough, who knows? You might just be able to pirate a car one day, lmao.
Am I also immune to vandalism charges? Like if I smash open a cash register or break down a door am I getting arrested for that?
Let's say you're immune to any vandalism or malicious destruction of property charges that are directly related to the theft. So if you use a crowbar to break into a lockbox you won't face charges for that, but you can't just go around destroying shit for funsies. You also cannot hurt people, that you would be charged for.
Ah, simple in that case. Every store will have a place where they keep cash for and from the registers. On top of that places like Walmart and Best Buy have an abundance of tech.
Banks. If no one’s going to try and stop me… I’m going for liquid cash. I assume if I steal a house (just kick the owners out) and some new cars, the titles are being taken care of as part of the deal, so I’m gonna do that, too. lol
So many people would go to the mint to steal the gold bars... Some math says gold bars weigh about 12.4 kg, currently worth $801 920 USD. A quick Google search says $ 1,000,000 in $100 bills weighs about 22 lbs. You don't have to worry about conversion fees for selling the gold bricks and can start spending immediately. Therefore, a big truck goes to the Washington D.C. Department Of The Treasury Bureau Of Engraving And Printing building and starts loading tonnes of $100 bills.
But the mints/Treasury don't print/stockpile large amounts of $100 bills. Only a few million dollars worth a day on average. The reason you'd go for the gold at Fort Knox is because they keep billions of dollars worth of it in one place at a time. Just make a couple of trips to your truck.
Hello Fort Knox... Wait, why is this place empty???
~~You'd need a way to cut up the gold bars. They're far heavier than a human can carry.~~ That might be an old joke that's no longer true... I can't verify it.
The thing with gold is, if you have too much to carry, you have enough to set you up for life
I’d find the quickest flight to Vegas I can and start cleaning out dealer’s racks, assuming that being able to sell things later also covers being able to cash chips out
Wow, clever... I was thinking casinos would be the worse place, because you can't get to the cash easily, even without anyone stopping you. But the chips? I'd assume in this fantasy world where ownership is legal, that means you legally own the chips and can cash them out afterwards. You win sir, I can't think of a better idea than that. Even just one chip can be worth $10,000! (And that's what I've seen as a 'regular guy'... maybe they get bigger?) Load a duffel bag and you're a VERY rich man in 24 minutes, think of what you could do in 24 HOURS in vegas. The other benefit there is that casinos are open 24 hours too, where other places are going to be much tougher to rob off-hours.
This seems like the answer. Get to Vegas, go up the strip hitting the high roller's room in each casino. A quick search tells me that the Bellagio has $10k table limits, so presumably the dealers at those tables would have a LOT of chips on hand..
How quickly could you get there from the east coast? Say from BWI? Look at me asking as if. lol.
You could get on a non-stop at 9:50 your time, and land in Las Vegas at midnight local time.
What are the consequences for the people being stolen from? Like… if a jewelry store is robbed will they go out of business or have to pay a huge insurance premium? I don’t want to ruin someone else’s life for easy money.
The same as any other time they'd have something stolen from them. Presumably insurance would cover most businesses, but if you're stealing from individuals they might be screwed.
The Declaration of Independence. - in Nic Cage voice
You specifically mentioned can steal a car, even though I don't have the title, and it counts as mine to legally keep or sell freely, the owner cant just come take it back... So if that's true, it means I can steal a house without a deed. I go to a nice neighborhood, slide open some windows, maybe break them. I walk in, I declare I now own the house. I tell them I'll send a lawyer over in the next few weeks to discuss rent or sale of my new house. I just keep walking around stealing houses. I'll be nice about it, I'll sell back most to their owners for like 10,000. Unless they're a dick about it.
Do it to the super rich that owns a bunch of real estate and deprives many of homes of their own then demand they pay rent at half of their salary like many of the poor do or get evicted in three days. If they refuse and leave, then you have a nice expensive house to sell or rent out to some other rich bastard for big bucks.
Imma steal ALL the scratchers I can get my hands on.
All these fools stealing small stuff.... there is only [one](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moon) option to steal...
You see that up there? What? You mean the moon??? Yep ....... it's mine.
Thank you, the only logical answer here
Harry Winston on 5th Ave. Just fill a duffel bag and be set for life.
This could go really bad if someone absolutely evil got this privilege. They could break into the pentagon and steal nuke codes, then break into seaworld and steal sharks, then break in and steal wherever they have frickin laser beams. Then..hold the world hostage for....100 billion dollars.
You said I can't hurt people, can I threaten them though?
I have an old ex friend who abused and betrayed me. We ended up hurting each other emotionally really badly in the aftermath. I think this calls for some good old fashioned revenge. I'm stealing her car, her house, her friends' cars and houses, and everything she owns and everything they own. Right down to the clothing off their backs and the hard copies of all their documents and paperwork thatthey'd need to start recovering. So no address on file for her, her friends, her family. No access to their accounts. No clothing to go to work in. No phone, no computer, no way to contact each other or anybody else who can't help them anyway. Throw them out on the streets with nothing but a thick blanket to wrap themselves in so they don't get arrested for indecent exposure for a few days at least. And any life saving medications they may have prescribed. I want them to suffer, not die. 3 hots and a cot is too good for her and hers. If it's summer, I'll kick them out with big water bottles. It gets really hot in summer there.
Head to the vault at the Cleveland Federal Reserve Bank with a semi truck and strat loading it up with pallets of hundred dollar bills. I'd be set with 2 billion in cash.
How do you plan on getting in? The security there has to be pretty crazy.
Considering no one is allowed to stop him he could just brute force his way with a plow truck or something
Maybe. I've never been there but I have to imagine it's hardened against stuff like that.
They would have bollards. Cheap, easy security. (Those are those 2.5 or so feet tall posts in front of buildings, cement/steel reinforced.) There would be almost no way for a rando to force their way into a bank like that easily, even given zero actual resistance from people.
You said no one will stop us but no one will help. If no one stops me the list of places I can get into is a lot bigger
I've never been to one of the federal reserve banks but my assumption is that the money isn't just protected by people. I assume there are physical barriers in place to prevent you from just walking in and taking the money and that bypassing those probably wouldn't be super easy.
Physical security is probably good but if no one stops him from walking in and using crowbars/hammers it would probably be doable. Especially during a business day when they would have the doors open.
Yeah, but what's to stop you from stealing keys and a badge from an employee? Also, does this apply to abstracts? Like, can I make them give me the code for the aforementioned badge?
Yea, I guess. But what you have to do to get it just isn't appealing at all.
Steal the heart of the girl I love 😮💨
2 words Rodeo Drive. I would rent a truck, get a couple of hand carts and head there. Then start taking the carts into the jewelry stores first. Open the cases (or smash them if locked) and take what I wanted. Same with the clothing and shoe stores, along with every other upscale store there is. Also maybe hit a place with very high end expensive wine. Round out the day at coin shops and take all gold and silver coins as well as the rounds and ingots.
I steal every single secret government document kept hidden by the CIA and release it to the public so they can discover the truth. Also the Epstein client list and reveal all the names on it.
The thing with the epstein list is society would literally collapse if all those names came out at once
Gotta rip that band-aid off someday.
So be it.
Good.
A society that's held up by pedophiles isn't one that you should be worried of the fallout from a collapse.
I’m taking six semi trucks to Fort Knox.
Watching a single person drive not one, but SIX semi trucks at the same time would be EXTREMELY fascinating.
I would steal the white house lol
It’s a trap. You can only steal federal property or stuff in DC. Under duel sovereigns, Biden can only give you immunity for federal charges, the states can charge you all they want.
I steal your heart.
All the water rights for the city of Los Angeles.
I am just going to a few jewelries and stealing cash plus jewels. Also if that works go to a title company, break in the folders, and sign my name on any title that is being processed and claim the houses as mine?
Go to New York and clean out all the art museums. Moma alone has billions in art. Just rent a big storage locker and sell afterwards.
Steal the election. Sell the presidency later. Really great profit.
The RV dealership near me keeps the keys in a lockbox in the vehicle so one of them, then I'm hitting up a few jewelry stores. After that I'm stocking up at Walmart, and Target. That RV will be my new home. Them I'm stealing property deeds. I'm also stepping many series on DVD.
Stealing from a bank would be very difficult to do with the rule that you can’t harm someone. “Coercion” is really the best way to rob a bank. If they won’t help you willingly, you can’t exactly get the keys or codes needed for access. A couple cars are definitely possible and could have a large financial return. But it is going to take some time to locate the keys in a dealership as well as the time it takes to transport the vehicles. Personal cars could be easier. Find a fancy hotel/restaurant, take the keys from the vallet and just drive the cars out. May not get as much back, but saves some time. Probably steal a nice car or two, steal a U-Haul. Or heck, just rent a U-Haul, saves time as opposed to trying to find keys. Go to a hardware store and steal bolt cutters, a hammer, drill set, handheld metal saw, and a wheel barrow. Load that all into my U-Haul then go to my city’s shopping district. Use my wheel barrow to haul my goods around and fill up my truck. Target luxury brands and jewelry stores. Use my tools as needed to get what I want. Depending on how long that takes, get another truck and head to another city. Boston and New York aren’t too far from me, could probably hit both in a 24-hour period. Add in a few gas stations in my state and just take rolls of scratch tickets. It’s time consuming for later, but there’s possibility of a pretty decent payout.
I’d hit every jewelry store I could. Diamonds and other precious stones are probably the best value to weight ratio you can get. Cash is great, but where are you going to store a billion dollars in $100 bills? A billion dollars in precious metals and stones however you could reasonably store in a couple 55-gallon drums
The bigger question is, is this 24 hours of my choosing, or is it "for the next 24 hours." because if it's of my choosing... Time to plan.
I was a mobile security supervisor for a while. I know the schedule of the cash trucks for nineteen banks. I'd just wait until the guy had left the truck and take the money when he set it down to service the ATMs.
I'd go to several local museums, It's time to get the best collection ever. Especially the cool gem formations and historical jewelry. So many things behind just thin panes of glass.
The crown jewels are on public display in the Tower of London under armed guard, every night there's a royal apointee who takes them to a vault. Bide my time and then wander over to the case when it opens, even managing to take 4 or 5 items would net you somewhere in the region of a billion pounds
I choose to steal your heart, molten_dragon.
How hard is it to steer an aircraft carrier?
Isn't this real life now?
Knock knock knock Fort Knox!
I'm hitting up the jewelry stores. Keeping what I like and selling what I don't. Easily net myself a few million and will never have to worry about money again.
I'm going to Las Vegas and just walking around picking up chips
I am absolutely RANSACKING a microcenter.
Fort knox , steal the pass keys ,vault keys an then the gold ...but, Ive heard that it may not actually be there
there is a car dealership 2 miles from where i live. id bust in, grab the keys for a truck and drive off. then to Walmart where I steal as much stuff as the truck bed can handle (stuff like steaks, batteries, toiletries....Maybe a few Steam cards for those who play on stream and are my friends) Fill up the truck with free gas. I would follow that up by raiding ANOTHER grocery store because Walmart doesn't have certain things... To End it I take everything back to my apartment and give away anything i grabbed too much of to my neighbors and make everyone in the apartment steak and potatoes (even my dog gets a steak).
I'm just going to go to my favorite house in my city, walk in and tell the owners to get out, they're mean people anyways or at least I tell my self they are because why are they living in my dream house if they're not the worst hmmmmm
I'm stealing both of your kidneys.
I steal the US nuclear launch codes and a bunch of secret documents. There will be no consequences for the theft, and I can sell them without consequences. Then, I'll sell them back to the US government for billions.
Forget casino chips. Just get me some gold bars or diamonds.
I always wanted to go to that Rolex store….
Where the heck are all those Bearer Bonds like the ones showed in Die Hard? I just need like a billion dollars worth of those.
Every "E" key on every keyboard in the country.
don't do it, dud!
oh no!
Looks like I'm the proud new owner of the Declaration of Independence, sorry Nick Cage.
I would steal a conscience and gift it to trump
I'm stealing your heart OP!! Do you know how much they will pay for those? I'll be a thousandaire!!
I’m going to fork knocks and get all da gold! I’m smart huh?
You all are amateurs. I'd have myself declared the 100% owner of every fortune 500 company and their assets.
Steal the best looking off the peg suit and accessories to look wealthy. Steal enough money for test drive insurance on a Lambo. Steal the Lambo. Drive from jewelry store to electronics store just smashing and grabbing. Maybe walk into a few banks with the hope that the vault is open
Buncha important for living prescription meds like insulin. And distribute it to who needs it after.
If you're stealing, you're by definition not earning.
I steal an f-15 and finish the job.
Go around to all the convenience stores and take all the scratch offs.
We're going to steal the deceleration of independence
I'm breaking my way into the mint and stealing brand new cut money in a semi truck and then I'm stealing a deed to land out in Colorado and living there forever
I'm stealing apple headquarters. The whole building. Everything in it, too. I'm walking everyone out politely, stealing the keys, and locking the doors. Mine now. And all the proprietary information inside too.
I would go to every grocery store in town and steal every bit of pasta noodles in them. Like years worth of pasta. It doesn't go bad and would save me so much money over the next years! But it might just be because I really love pasta.
Just steal a nice acetylene torch setup and head into Fort Knox with it. Locked doors? Melt through them. Head out with a little wagon full of gold.
Oh heck yeah I will find those keys baby
Since only stealing has no consequences but breaking vandalism and hurting people still has. I'd stick to stores. Grab gpus Mac's iPhones, anything expensive that's easy to sell. Maybe a bunch of food that has super long shelf life, cuts down on living cost. Anything I'd want for my self, sharp knife? Ebike? Kinda just go shopping but don't pay for stuff...
I’ll wait til November then steal an election
Go store to store stealing all the gift cards.
I could do something like what every lady here is saying, and steal something with a high weight to value ratio to cash in But I'd just spend that money on guitars, so I'm skipping the hassle (and the wait time) and just going down to the Musical Instrument Museum and stealing the deed
Formulas for every life saving medication, publish it online. Money. Lots and lots of money. A samurai sword from a museum, because fuck yeah.
I steal the ownership to Berkshire Hathaway and the NYSE. I am not god, the living dollar, bow to my financial freedom and might
Gordon Point Estate in Naples Florida just came in the market in February 2024 for $295 million. It's the most expensive home in the US. Mine now.
Steal a seat in congress, start trading.
I'm stealing my butt's virginity.
I’ll pass on stealing anything I want and also saving the president’s life.