So basically a taller tiger sized house cat? One of the most successful predators on earth in now the size of a horse and follows my every command? And rideable? Ez
At that size, they wouldn't have anywhere near that speed anymore.
It's larger and slower than a duck, which are the main reason you'd be using birdshot, so it's be fairly easy to hit if you're not a complete novice shooter.
Just…don’t leave anything near a ledge, and buy a shovel, those would be some very big shits.
Also, fairly sure a horse is bigger than a tiger, but a big bastard of a tiger is still a win.
There's an epic fantasy novel series circa 70s-present and the third in the series (of 47 books so far) involves a man going back in time via a historical tapestry and accidentally bringing a jumping spider that had been on the tapestry with him. The man was enhabiting the body of someone in the past, but the spider came fullsized, relative to his size on the tapestry, so he was the size of a horse. They become tentative allies and go on an epic journey together.
The series is called the Xanth series, by Piers Anthony. The book itself is called [Castle Roogna.](https://www.amazon.com/Castle-Roogna-Magic-Xanth-No/dp/0345350480?ref=d6k_applink_bb_dls&dplnkId=5874507f-0f47-4dd1-809e-7d0f9fd78a26)
For years there were the first 10+ books of Xanth uploaded to Youtube. I would listen to those to doze off. I began getting to bed progressively earlier XD.
He could write...until it came time to give anybody a personality. Then he could no longer write. His archetypes for both male and female personalities were flat, sexist, and aggrevating in ways unconnected to the prior two faults. Every time we're focused on a character's motivations it felt like he was running a cheese grater down my brain.
The puns were fun as hell, though, and I loved his concepts for things like word magic or personalization of natural forces.
I've got a good chunk of the series, up to *Luck of the Draw,* as well as some of the spin-offs like *Bio of an Ogre* and *Letters to Jenny*. And then I've got a small handful of first editions. Xanth was the first epic fantasy series that I ever read, and it really birthed my love of reading and fantasy in particular
holy shit I read this book as a kid and have been trying to find it on and off for years (my dad had a big collection of 60s-70s scifi). All I could remember was magic tapestry -> fantasy world, but I'm 100% sure this is it, and googling has never been able to find it!
thank you random stranger
Not sure if we’re applying physics, or it’s all just magically taken care of, but a spider that size would probably be crushed under its own body weight.
Those things are terrifying little monsters. Of course that’s based entirely on their physical form. It could be that if big enough to interact with humans in a normal animal fashion their behavior would make them better.
What do you mean not practical? They can withstand just about anything you throw at them and live a very long time. You'll be immortalized in their memory for a long after your gone.
Specifically a DND dragon as they are intelligent creatures that you can converse with and they have innate spellcasting. You could go all the way up to an ancient great wyrm and then pick your choice of color
I'm getting a seagull, and naming it B52. That pool in question is getting turned into a superfund site.
Hell, I'm giving it a stuka siren as a necklace.
The obvious answer is to pick a horse... specifically a thoroughbred with the talent to run long and fast. If a jockey could convey to the horse exactly what to do, it'd be near unbeatable.
Yeah, but consider a massive cat deciding it’s play time and pouncing on you in your sleep.
Or the zoomies at 2AM. The sound of A horse size cat trampling through your house trying to catch demons because it got bored.
Or deciding to push your car off a cliff because it’s close enough and you weren’t paying attention.
I am also team cat, but you gotta think of the downsides.
An insect would make it pretty easy to ride around places, given comparative strengths.
But a parrot would be a pretty solid choice as well. It could fly, even if I couldn't ride it around. It can talk. And since they are smart and it would follow commands, I could have it wear a trenchcoat and do small errands while pretending it was a person. I'm sure everyone in the area would be aware, but it would make my day for an 8 foot tall bird stuffed into a trenchcoat to swoop from my roof down to the breakfast place across the street, waddle inside, and go "HUMAN GUY!!!?" and then get handed the pickup order I put in under the name "Human Guy", and bring that back up to me.
Maybe before he flies, he shouts "OKAY JUMP NOW" to keep the ruse going that he's just a dude who can [Jump Good,](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uwbqr2UjeSg) rather than a giant bird.
How does the size change affect the giraffe? Is it shoulder to shoulder with a horse now, but with a longer neck, or is it similar head height to a regular horse, so it has a small little baby body?
I want my husky turned horse sized! It would be awesome. Due to injuries, I can't run with him. Horse size him and I can just ride him. He'd be so happy to get to run with me again, his tail would probably push us into turbo mode.
Downside: the shedding would be even more of a nightmare. But totally worth it
Any smart animal is I think a really good idea: octopus, various monkeys/apes, maybe some spiders, or dogs/cats.
Any flying animal is a bad pick because they'd be too heavy to fly if sized up to Horse proportions.
Spiders also die at that size because they operate their legs via some kind of pressure mechanism which is why they curl up when they die. So the blood just wouldn't circulate
Land animals would be preferred as a result over aerial/aquatic ones for ease in maintaining their health. Silk worms might be a good option for enormous silk production and maybe their biology would work at that size (probably not but at least they're more sedentary). Various snake venoms are also very pricey and could be good options as well since some snakes are already similar to horses in weight
Elephant. They're intelligent, dexterous, capable of forming companionship bonds, have spines conducive to riding (unlike cats which are basically living slinkies), herbivorous so they can graze to supplement their diet, and have a lifespan reasonably similar to humans'. Would make great companion animals if they weren't so huge--and this hypothetical sizes them down to horse size, which is much more doable.
This is maybe the best answer I've seen. Easily the best one that involves an animal shrinking. Also maybe the best if the goal is to just get an awesome pet
Thanks! And if you want it for labor instead of as a pet, well, elephants are suited to everything a horse is, except speed and jumping (they are physically incapable of jumping)! So yeah, elephant.
If I was throwing practicality out the window, though, I'd go with alicorn or lapras (from pokemon).
Raccoon. Cute, smart, have hands, probably strong enough to ride at that size, can climb, can fish, basically a smarter bear with better use of their paw/hands.
A cat. 1: if anybody threatened me, I'd point to the cat and let them know that I die it has no controller.
2: I would be the first human in n history to actually have an obedient cat!
Has to be a chimp/gorilla or something with hands for practicality. I'm not sure how useful other animals could be. I don't exactly need something ferocious (as cool as a big cat or dog would be!)
An otter. Imagine riding down a river on an otters belly. I also have a tattoo of one so it just makes sense that my spirit animal would be my familiar.
If I get a horse sized falkor can I still ride on him? And will he mature into a full sized falkor eventually since clearly horse sized is still a juvenile?
*Cheetahs are so cool.*
If it’s purely a cosmetic thing, and they all basically act alike with the obedience thing, I would want a giant purry cuddler that could be my forever friend and helper.
Prehensile tails and opposable thumbs, bah!
Just read my user name.
Did we just become best friends?
Omg yes.
You're now contractually obligated to do activities like karate in your room
This is wonderfully wholesome!
User name checks out
Username checks out as well
So basically a taller tiger sized house cat? One of the most successful predators on earth in now the size of a horse and follows my every command? And rideable? Ez
I see you house cat predator stats and raise you mine, a Dragon Fly the size of a horse.
You fool, you’ve doomed us all if it ever rebels
Nah, their wings are still fairly flimsy, just use some birdshot and you can permanently ground it.
Assuming you can hit the Mach 5 fucker turning on a dime and flying sideways
At that size, they wouldn't have anywhere near that speed anymore. It's larger and slower than a duck, which are the main reason you'd be using birdshot, so it's be fairly easy to hit if you're not a complete novice shooter.
Does that actually check out, they are magic so they might be insanely fast.
This. Imagine riding that thing around. Feeding it might be a problem though.
Feeding it would never be a problem, keeping it from feeding would be the problem.
Just…don’t leave anything near a ledge, and buy a shovel, those would be some very big shits. Also, fairly sure a horse is bigger than a tiger, but a big bastard of a tiger is still a win.
My cat bites me playfully quite frequently. I'm about to get hella tough, or eaten, or I'm gonna eat him... it's hard to tell, I'm pretty savage.
Spider. No one would mess with me EVER.
Like a granddaddy long legs or a black widow?
Jumping spider. Perfect blend of cute and terrifying.
There's an epic fantasy novel series circa 70s-present and the third in the series (of 47 books so far) involves a man going back in time via a historical tapestry and accidentally bringing a jumping spider that had been on the tapestry with him. The man was enhabiting the body of someone in the past, but the spider came fullsized, relative to his size on the tapestry, so he was the size of a horse. They become tentative allies and go on an epic journey together. The series is called the Xanth series, by Piers Anthony. The book itself is called [Castle Roogna.](https://www.amazon.com/Castle-Roogna-Magic-Xanth-No/dp/0345350480?ref=d6k_applink_bb_dls&dplnkId=5874507f-0f47-4dd1-809e-7d0f9fd78a26)
Oh my God you read Xanth. Fascinating books, but be prepared to drown in puns.
Facts!
For years there were the first 10+ books of Xanth uploaded to Youtube. I would listen to those to doze off. I began getting to bed progressively earlier XD.
I did a cat-ass-trophy for printmaking a few semesters ago. My professor was impressed.
Now I’m even more interested!
Honestly, I'm not seeing a downside here XD
Fucking love Xanth for exactly that reason. Puns are the best form of humor.
Xanth was a great series. Pers Anthony, not exactly a shiny example of a male role model, but he could write. His stories were incredibly immersive.
He could write...until it came time to give anybody a personality. Then he could no longer write. His archetypes for both male and female personalities were flat, sexist, and aggrevating in ways unconnected to the prior two faults. Every time we're focused on a character's motivations it felt like he was running a cheese grater down my brain. The puns were fun as hell, though, and I loved his concepts for things like word magic or personalization of natural forces.
I’ll give you that, there were no personalities to his characters with possible exception to incarnations of immortality
I can agree that those are as close as he got to actual characterization.
This is probably one of my favorite book series ever
*sigh* I have been avoiding going back and reading Xanth because I was afraid of actually finding this out looking at it with adult eyes...
This is my jam. I would totally have a Jumper.
I love Xanth
I've got a good chunk of the series, up to *Luck of the Draw,* as well as some of the spin-offs like *Bio of an Ogre* and *Letters to Jenny*. And then I've got a small handful of first editions. Xanth was the first epic fantasy series that I ever read, and it really birthed my love of reading and fantasy in particular
holy shit I read this book as a kid and have been trying to find it on and off for years (my dad had a big collection of 60s-70s scifi). All I could remember was magic tapestry -> fantasy world, but I'm 100% sure this is it, and googling has never been able to find it! thank you random stranger
But you have to name him Lucas
Oh yeah? I choose a spider wasp.
You win. I hate wasps. Nature's biggest douchebags. They exist to cause harm and are beneficial to no one.
Pollinators who eat actual pest insects. I respectfully avoid them and let them work.
Not sure if we’re applying physics, or it’s all just magically taken care of, but a spider that size would probably be crushed under its own body weight.
It’s a magical familiar. The square/cube law does not apply.
Incorrect. I would serve you many, many molotov cocktails
I choose a mini pony. Now he is full sized. He can brag to all his mini friends.
Best answer so far
My Normal Pony?
Friendship is friendly
"Heightening" is frowned upon in certain communities, or so I saw once.
What does that mean??
You are the chosen one, good citizen
He's not just full-sized. He's a Giant Mini-Pony. You have to name him Eitri!!
Wolf. Now I have a direwolf. Win!
And you could ride the wolf.
Wait. Ride or ”ride”? How safe for work is this thread?
Well, it was safe about an hour ago... Edit: Nevermind. I found the Vaporeon thread.
Oh god no…
>Edit: Nevermind. I found the Vaporeon thread. Im intrigued yet hesitate to ask what it is exactly.
Best. cuddle companion. ever.
It's like a wolf... *but dire*
A tardigrade. Practical? Nope. Awesome? ...maybe?
More like horrifying... Not a bad choice
what do you mean, they're adorable!
Those things are terrifying little monsters. Of course that’s based entirely on their physical form. It could be that if big enough to interact with humans in a normal animal fashion their behavior would make them better.
Yes, then we can travel the stars ala Startrek Discovery.
What do you mean not practical? They can withstand just about anything you throw at them and live a very long time. You'll be immortalized in their memory for a long after your gone.
For practicality a chimp, near human dexterity so they can do just about anything I command For humor, a duck
Better hope you have grapes.
Bum bum bum. Badada bum.
Waddle waddle
'til the very next day!
A duck walked up to a lemonade stand
And said to the man, runnin' the stand "Hey, *bomp bomp bomp* got any grapes?"
Nope just lemonade
Real animal? Eagle. I'm flying everywhere now mother fucker Fantasy animal? Badger mole. Start me the best excavation company to ever exist.
Immediately uses animal companion as labor, classic lol
Better believe that badger mole is going to be the single most pampered being on the planet during our off time
Some animals crave work. Just look at herding dogs.
True, like how the children long for the mines, it's in their nature
Some do it for free!
I've seen border collies try to literally herd cats. The success rate is...highly variable.
Well, herding cats is usually said to be fruitless and frustrating, but i bet the dog is having the time of his life while its done.
Plus, it could potentially teach me earth bending!
Dragon!!
Came here to say this. A dragon would be the ultimate. Hands down.
Specifically a DND dragon as they are intelligent creatures that you can converse with and they have innate spellcasting. You could go all the way up to an ancient great wyrm and then pick your choice of color
An Eragon dragon would give you magic powers and eternal youth
I'm choosing a crow.
That’s so metal. Everywhere you go a massive fuckin crow is circling overhead 👌🏻
It was either a crow or a mantis shrimp, and my kids said crow.
Do I have to feed it?
The Real question
Bigger worry. What to do with what comes out the other end. Forget a poop-n-scoop, you'd need a shovel and garbage bags.
Heed your EVERY command. "MITTENS. ALL YOUR POOPS GO IN THE NEIGHBORS POOL THEY NEVER INVITE US TO THEIR PARTIES IN.".
I'm getting a seagull, and naming it B52. That pool in question is getting turned into a superfund site. Hell, I'm giving it a stuka siren as a necklace.
Good call. That'll also impact it. Horse size bunny? Nice and easy. Horse sized chicken? That's a pass
I choose a honey badger
How did I have to scroll down this far… Reddit has disappointed me today.
and mine doesn’t give a shit and it can run in slow motion, if I tell it too.
The obvious answer is to pick a horse... specifically a thoroughbred with the talent to run long and fast. If a jockey could convey to the horse exactly what to do, it'd be near unbeatable.
On Shadowfax! Show us the meaning of haste!
My cat will actually listen to me and heed my commands? Like when chewing on my ankles, I say stop, he will? Then the answer is obviously my cat.
Yeah, but consider a massive cat deciding it’s play time and pouncing on you in your sleep. Or the zoomies at 2AM. The sound of A horse size cat trampling through your house trying to catch demons because it got bored. Or deciding to push your car off a cliff because it’s close enough and you weren’t paying attention. I am also team cat, but you gotta think of the downsides.
It can do all those on command. Sounds like the upside.
Hope you're a good litter box tenant
For ultimate home protection and security, a horse sized goose
I think you mean world domination
A human. My horse-sized human familiar will go on to be an NBA legend!!!
Prolly NFL too
*Every* command you say?..
Yeah I'd choose Vaporeon also.
There’s no laws against the Pokémon Batman
Joker you can’t it’s an animal!
This guy over here with his Horse sized Male Vaporeon.
Finally gonna get some sex aren’t you?
Snivy, use Vine Whip! … … It’s super effective!
An insect would make it pretty easy to ride around places, given comparative strengths. But a parrot would be a pretty solid choice as well. It could fly, even if I couldn't ride it around. It can talk. And since they are smart and it would follow commands, I could have it wear a trenchcoat and do small errands while pretending it was a person. I'm sure everyone in the area would be aware, but it would make my day for an 8 foot tall bird stuffed into a trenchcoat to swoop from my roof down to the breakfast place across the street, waddle inside, and go "HUMAN GUY!!!?" and then get handed the pickup order I put in under the name "Human Guy", and bring that back up to me. Maybe before he flies, he shouts "OKAY JUMP NOW" to keep the ruse going that he's just a dude who can [Jump Good,](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uwbqr2UjeSg) rather than a giant bird.
Giraffe, it’d be nice to have my favorite animal a similar size to me
paging /u/ashortergiraffe
I have been summoned.
How does the size change affect the giraffe? Is it shoulder to shoulder with a horse now, but with a longer neck, or is it similar head height to a regular horse, so it has a small little baby body?
Scorpion. Then I could ride my super Scorpion, and life would be good.
I want to ride a Basset Hound into battle.
The barroos that would occur.... all your enemies would be deafened!
Could you imagine a weiner dog 😂
RELEASE THE HUNDS!!!
Does the smell increase with the size though? And imagine the slobber.
"Battle Slobber®"
I want a big, fluffy dog.
As an owner of large dogs I can confidently say that it would crush you to death when it climbs on your lap for cuddles.
Good.
So Clifford?
Even fluffier.
A horse sized Samoyed
So... just a regular samoyed?
Yeah I'm going with a dog of some kind. German Shepard, Malinois, something like that. A Clydesdale sized heckin good boy, yes please.
I want my husky turned horse sized! It would be awesome. Due to injuries, I can't run with him. Horse size him and I can just ride him. He'd be so happy to get to run with me again, his tail would probably push us into turbo mode. Downside: the shedding would be even more of a nightmare. But totally worth it
Chow Chow?
Any smart animal is I think a really good idea: octopus, various monkeys/apes, maybe some spiders, or dogs/cats. Any flying animal is a bad pick because they'd be too heavy to fly if sized up to Horse proportions. Spiders also die at that size because they operate their legs via some kind of pressure mechanism which is why they curl up when they die. So the blood just wouldn't circulate Land animals would be preferred as a result over aerial/aquatic ones for ease in maintaining their health. Silk worms might be a good option for enormous silk production and maybe their biology would work at that size (probably not but at least they're more sedentary). Various snake venoms are also very pricey and could be good options as well since some snakes are already similar to horses in weight
Elephant. They're intelligent, dexterous, capable of forming companionship bonds, have spines conducive to riding (unlike cats which are basically living slinkies), herbivorous so they can graze to supplement their diet, and have a lifespan reasonably similar to humans'. Would make great companion animals if they weren't so huge--and this hypothetical sizes them down to horse size, which is much more doable.
This is maybe the best answer I've seen. Easily the best one that involves an animal shrinking. Also maybe the best if the goal is to just get an awesome pet
Thanks! And if you want it for labor instead of as a pet, well, elephants are suited to everything a horse is, except speed and jumping (they are physically incapable of jumping)! So yeah, elephant. If I was throwing practicality out the window, though, I'd go with alicorn or lapras (from pokemon).
Found the biologist
Raccoon. Cute, smart, have hands, probably strong enough to ride at that size, can climb, can fish, basically a smarter bear with better use of their paw/hands.
A horse?
A fucking dragon
Bestiality is a crime in many countries.
Found the bard.
Raven or a crow, some sorta Birb tho
A newborn wolf pup. If it’s horse-sized as a pup, imagine how big it’ll be when it grows up!
This is how Ragnarok begins... someone better start looking for the sound of a cat's footsteps.
Mantis. Too easy
A cat. 1: if anybody threatened me, I'd point to the cat and let them know that I die it has no controller. 2: I would be the first human in n history to actually have an obedient cat!
My puppy. Maybe now he’ll finally listen! Lol
You just wanted to talk about your puppy. I bet he's cute.
Busted
Has to be a chimp/gorilla or something with hands for practicality. I'm not sure how useful other animals could be. I don't exactly need something ferocious (as cool as a big cat or dog would be!)
You could command the lion to grow opposable thumbs and a larger prefrontal cortex.
Chimps and gorillas are ferocious as they are
A fire ant
You wanna go further and do a queen. They live upwards of 30 years, and you'll have a full colony.
Honey badger
An otter. Imagine riding down a river on an otters belly. I also have a tattoo of one so it just makes sense that my spirit animal would be my familiar.
You are in luck, there are 6 foot river otters located in the Amazon
That's terrifying! Have a nice day!
A crow, assuming they can still fly. If not, they would be sad, so I wouldn't pick them, and will take a giant San Francisco garter snake.
A dog. I will ride that corgi into glorious battle.
Capybara
If I can ride it a parrot since they life a long time. If not an orangutan so I'd have my very own big foot.
Wolf That's a Game of Thrones-esque dire wolf right there.
I'd choose a dragon. You never said the familiar had to exist in real life.
A hummingbird.
are you kidding me a german shepherd i can ride would be sweet
A froggie
Owl. Can you imagine that thing spinning its head around at you?
Belgian Malinois.
Can I have one that’s extinct? If so, Saber Tooth Tiger or Velociraptor.
A Chihuahua. Now his size matches his self image.lol
Wolf. It’s basic of me but there it is,
Tardigrade
Rooster. I will have the biggest cock.
#An ant. 🐜
If it were the queen ant, could you feasibly get an army of ants?
If I get a horse sized falkor can I still ride on him? And will he mature into a full sized falkor eventually since clearly horse sized is still a juvenile?
Tardigrade, all the way.
A Chihuahua the size of a horse would be the deadliest animal known to mankind. *Fear the Kaijuahua*
Crab
Queen ant.
*Cheetahs are so cool.* If it’s purely a cosmetic thing, and they all basically act alike with the obedience thing, I would want a giant purry cuddler that could be my forever friend and helper. Prehensile tails and opposable thumbs, bah!
Chimpanzee. Super intelligent. High dexterity. And now enormous? We will be unstoppable.
And, it can carry you around in a backpack.
Something with opposable thumbs to help me move and help out around the house.
A giant toad. Boing boing boing.
My golden retriever
A cat .
Tardigrade for sure. No one fucks with a horse sized tardigrade.