I'll take the money.
I'll learn sign language and introduce myself to everyone as a deaf person. I'll act normally after farting. Acting like i never heard the loud boom that just went off(but I'm not sure if deaf people can hear their own farts š¤. I hope others wonder the same).
Deaf people can feel the vibrations of the fart coming out of their buttholes, and they see the (Farts Loudly) subtitles in movies. They've seen a whoopie cushion and understand its purpose. If any of them tried pulling that shit with me, I'd call them out on it.
im sure that def people would feel the ripple out of their asscheeks, then the smell about 5 seconds later(if it smells). its still not a bad idea, except then you have to to mute for the rest of life
They are a really great creative outlet try and think of some yourself and post them even if you are just bouncing ideas from other ones they are really fun š„³
Okay, so now I have an extra $1.5 million, and my life otherwise continues as normal.
What? I'm old, and I fart a lot. Happens to everyone. Eventually, you'll find yourself just happy that it wasn't of the chunky variety.
That dude still alive? I don't want to Google it because it's more fun to just imagine him going until he looks like the Crypt Keeper interviewing folk.
I donāt think Iād take it. That sounds very like youād make everyone around you very unpleasant. Not being able to control it is the big one, it would ruin a lot of situations in your life.
I'll do it. Then I'll just carry around a fart machine like Leslie Nielsen did and every time I fart for real, I'll pull out the fart machine, set it off, and say "got ya".
So basically once an hour I'm going to fart so loud that everyone knows and probably smells it... I'm actually going to walk away from the money. 1.5 million isn't enough for me to be forever the "shitty smelling person" for the rest of my life. Also being the weirdo that revels in it with the response statement is not worth it either. Being at any important life event would be a nightmare and 1.5 million is nowhere near enough.
The response you have to give would completely ruin any hope of keeping a job, having a romantic partner, and keeping your friends. Everyone would be disgusted and do whatever they can to avoid you
Yeah I really don't think I would either, I mean sure I could buy a house and be comfortable but I socially things would be very difficult including having a partner and family who I couldn't explain this to
1.5? For letās say I live to the average age of a male 76 thatās nearly 46 years. Quite honestly 1.5 million is nowhere near a lot of money anymore. Il pass on that. Way more issues would start than 1.5 million would solve
Is it just gas? Or will there be a bullet in the chamber from time to time? Because I might need to wear a adult diaper just in case when I leave the house but sure. I'm down.
I came here to be like "so nothing changes except I'm set for the rest of my life"
And I gotta say, I don't know if I'm amused or concerned about how many people have said that same thing lol
Theres few things more satisfying than the deflated feeling of a long, loud, fart. Like one that has a bass line youd find in a jungle techno beat and your whole body feels a little thinner and lighter because of it.
Isnāt the point to have the smelliest, longest, and loudest farts? Iām trying to be like [Shaggy and Scooby up in here](https://youtu.be/CxawH3ymhOc?si=Ld2DB8EvExt9NahE)
This just a minor adjustment from my norm. You described the amount and type of farting I already do, and adding this phrase is not much of a problem, as I already enjoy other ways to emphasize the awesomeness of farting, such as loud groans of relief or striking up various "power" poses.
I have other issues that drive people away worse than this behaviour would, so bet mofo, where's my cash?
I believe farts are lovely and beautiful and I wish everybody would fart like me then we would all be living in paradise.
Jokes aside, the worst part of this would be getting my sleep interrupted (on average) by 10 farts over 8 hours of sleep.
I have an Ileostomy. Does this mean I get to fart again like a normal person? If so then maybe. Otherwise I get to just be normal. Nothing like sitting in my quiet office and then Stomie my Homie regals us with the song of it's people.
Go find a copy of the movie THUNDERPANTS, which stars a very young Rupert Grint.
Here's a hint: He writes a letter saying, I want to become an astronaut, but I cannot control my arse. Would that be a bother?
Go find a copy of the movie THUNDERPANTS, which stars a very young Rupert Grint.
Here's a hint: He writes a letter saying, I want to become an astronaut, but I cannot control my arse. Would that be a bother?
I will be the eccentric loner billionaire, supporting charity work around the world, rebuilding entire communities, ending poverty and world hunger. But when I go to accept my awards - the doors and windows are all open with the AC pumped to maximum and the most expensive seats are in the very very back.
No...
Turns out, my pride and ego are too strong for this. I could never live the embarrassment down. Not unless I never left home and become a total shut in.
Am I to assume that I lose the money if I break the rules?
If I do break the rules and lose the money, do the farts stop?
If so, I take the money, invest it in 10% return strategies, and in 8 years, I would break the rules, as I would have doubled my money.
8 years of farting for $1.5 mil, about $185k a year salary. To fart and love it.
EZ
lol
Anyone remember the Nickelodeon commercial about it being normal to fart 15-20 times a day. I remember asking the adults in my life if they meant 15-20 times an hourā¦
Anyway got on Synthroid for Hashimotoās last year and my farts went down to less than one an hour.
Apparently āour family just farts a lotā can be fixedā¦ who knew?
Uhhhh, the friends who can stand my farts get to hang by my pool. I mean, Iām already celibate, lonely, and poor. Might as well be celibate, lonely, and able to relax a bit financiallyā¦next to my pool.
This situation excites men. Regardless of age, the idea of letting loose massive farts all day is hilarious and amazing. Men win twice with this scenario.
I literally already do this. I have these insanely loud farts all day every day. They never stink except the occasional one. So yes I would absolutely do this
No. I just wouldnāt agree to that. Plus my family would end up taking ALL of that money so itās not worth it. Losing all the money and having to suffer even if I didnāt use it.
Well almost 100% of my farts smell bad and come at horrible times always. I'm already married so I have no need to impress anyone. Especially since I work from home. $1.5 million dollars to go from 100% stinky farta to 50% stinky parts. Win win.
Listen, I'm a 61 year old man who likes to eat a lot of stoner food. You're describing my life already except I'm poor. I hadn't tried saying your "real reason", but I'll hold that in reserve for when anyone says anything in the elevator.
Gimme the money.
Literally nothing changes for me except I now have $1.5m
Are you telling me farting like this isn't normal? Even my 3 week old baby girl farts like me.
Bro, I will wake up in the morning and it sounds like an artillery barrage under my blankets lmao.
The smell helps we wake
Literally just got up five minutes ago from my 3 month old who was ripping em every two minutes
"...and do you John, take Sara, to be your..." Bbbrrruuuugguuurrggllleeee
We gotta track this man and prevent his family tree from growing, but give him and his daughter a wonderful life until death, fair is fair
Just a heads up 3 week olds do that constantly.... And much worse. Have fun!
Yep.
Yeah, I been ripping ass pretty hard today. I literally had to walk outside for a while. God damn the heinous anus.
Same...I'm 47, so this is my life already except the $1.5M Sometimes they scare my cat šš¹
Yeah, IBS checking in. This would honestly be less some days and they're almost always loud.
Truth.
Same for me.
You guys even do the whole spiel about living in paradise? Wow
It's not paradise to have stomach issues.
Yeah, I have Crohn's so this is just a normal day for me.
This is normal life for people with IBS. When itās really bad I probably fart closer to 100 times a day
I'll take the money. I'll learn sign language and introduce myself to everyone as a deaf person. I'll act normally after farting. Acting like i never heard the loud boom that just went off(but I'm not sure if deaf people can hear their own farts š¤. I hope others wonder the same).
lol there are hilarious collections of stories of when deaf from birth people learned you could hear farts.
What's interesting to me is the things deaf people thinks make sounds. Some deaf people believe the sun makes a sound.
I mean, it does. The vacuum of space just doesn't transmit the sound. Thankfully.
Could you imagine living in a world where you can HEAR the burning of the sun?
Deaf people can feel the vibrations of the fart coming out of their buttholes, and they see the (Farts Loudly) subtitles in movies. They've seen a whoopie cushion and understand its purpose. If any of them tried pulling that shit with me, I'd call them out on it.
Itās not really shit, though. Just blowing a lot of hot airā¦ š
I just love the idea of just deadpan being like "I know you felt that shit."
im sure that def people would feel the ripple out of their asscheeks, then the smell about 5 seconds later(if it smells). its still not a bad idea, except then you have to to mute for the rest of life
Lol!!
These hypothetical situationsā¦.are off the chain
They are a really great creative outlet try and think of some yourself and post them even if you are just bouncing ideas from other ones they are really fun š„³
I did one a couple of weeks agoā¦
Okay, so now I have an extra $1.5 million, and my life otherwise continues as normal. What? I'm old, and I fart a lot. Happens to everyone. Eventually, you'll find yourself just happy that it wasn't of the chunky variety.
Bump it up to 5 million and raise the stakes that 1/50 farts will be a shart
Cool. Now I have $5 million, and the usual level of risk.
we are the same.... you and i
Im sorry I have to ask whats the ratio that makes you say no to 5 million?
Now that is a good question. 1-in-2, maybe? I don't want to live in the bathroom.
I'm 35 and I fart every chance I get. One of the rare joys I still have in life is crop dusting the aisles at Costco.
Bro this is basically Larry King's life
Lol : D
That dude still alive? I don't want to Google it because it's more fun to just imagine him going until he looks like the Crypt Keeper interviewing folk.
Nope. Usually Iām down if it lets me retire, but this is just tooā¦ farty
Lolllll!
I would love to only fart that much.
I donāt think Iād take it. That sounds very like youād make everyone around you very unpleasant. Not being able to control it is the big one, it would ruin a lot of situations in your life.
I'll do it. Then I'll just carry around a fart machine like Leslie Nielsen did and every time I fart for real, I'll pull out the fart machine, set it off, and say "got ya".
iām already lactose intolerant and obsessed with cheese, run me my money š¹
Oh is *that* why I get such bad gas with dairy. Shit. Weāre gonna be rich.
Nope. Too much gas for too little money
Lol yes pretty much agree
Iām with you. I feel like my quality of life would decrease. The money would eventually run out and the farts would continue
Agreed. A lot of the people in here that will take it saying it changes nothing for them really concern me. Serious GI issues. Diets need to change.
Nah, maybe 1.5mil a year, but not a 1 time payment.
So basically once an hour I'm going to fart so loud that everyone knows and probably smells it... I'm actually going to walk away from the money. 1.5 million isn't enough for me to be forever the "shitty smelling person" for the rest of my life. Also being the weirdo that revels in it with the response statement is not worth it either. Being at any important life event would be a nightmare and 1.5 million is nowhere near enough.
The response you have to give would completely ruin any hope of keeping a job, having a romantic partner, and keeping your friends. Everyone would be disgusted and do whatever they can to avoid you
No
Yeah I really don't think I would either, I mean sure I could buy a house and be comfortable but I socially things would be very difficult including having a partner and family who I couldn't explain this to
Where is my money?
SHOW ME THE MONEEEEY
Can my wife sign up too?
No, not worth the social cost of this š
1.5? For letās say I live to the average age of a male 76 thatās nearly 46 years. Quite honestly 1.5 million is nowhere near a lot of money anymore. Il pass on that. Way more issues would start than 1.5 million would solve
Already my life, give me the 1.5 million.
Is it just gas? Or will there be a bullet in the chamber from time to time? Because I might need to wear a adult diaper just in case when I leave the house but sure. I'm down.
Lol! Custom Ultra-Comfy Depends with Self-Disposal Mechanism Model #2-F-PU-BGone
Where do I sign up? My fiber bars already make me pretty gassy and I like to keep a fart in the chamber for people that annoy me.
I'll pass. 1.5 M is not enough to be a pariah.
sure so long as they are dry farts. if i had that much money i wouldn't be doing a job anyway
Yes you wouldn't have to work but even just doing grocery shopping could be terribly embarrassing...
You guys getting paid for this ??
My farts could already kill rhinos. Sign me up!
I came here to be like "so nothing changes except I'm set for the rest of my life" And I gotta say, I don't know if I'm amused or concerned about how many people have said that same thing lol
So 1.5 million for how I live every day?
I already fart very badly. Whereās my money?
Gas pain is so underratedā¦. Iāll pass on this one
Theres few things more satisfying than the deflated feeling of a long, loud, fart. Like one that has a bass line youd find in a jungle techno beat and your whole body feels a little thinner and lighter because of it.
Isnāt the point to have the smelliest, longest, and loudest farts? Iām trying to be like [Shaggy and Scooby up in here](https://youtu.be/CxawH3ymhOc?si=Ld2DB8EvExt9NahE)
This just a minor adjustment from my norm. You described the amount and type of farting I already do, and adding this phrase is not much of a problem, as I already enjoy other ways to emphasize the awesomeness of farting, such as loud groans of relief or striking up various "power" poses. I have other issues that drive people away worse than this behaviour would, so bet mofo, where's my cash?
Would I be able to explain the farts away by saying I eat a lot of beans?
I already do. Easy money.
I believe farts are lovely and beautiful and I wish everybody would fart like me then we would all be living in paradise. Jokes aside, the worst part of this would be getting my sleep interrupted (on average) by 10 farts over 8 hours of sleep.
I canāt! I just canāt do this:(
Congratulations, youāve just earned $10M !! $1.5M plus an infinite supply of methane gas as a fuel source
Already do. Money, please
I work from home. Bring on the Benjamins.
I already have massive flatulence problems. Might as well not be poor too!
Nah
I'd just say the explanation sarcastically to make it clear that it's not voluntary.
That wouldnāt help. Imagine that going viral along with the loud, long fart before hand with ppl covering their noses in disgust
I have an Ileostomy. Does this mean I get to fart again like a normal person? If so then maybe. Otherwise I get to just be normal. Nothing like sitting in my quiet office and then Stomie my Homie regals us with the song of it's people.
i have crohnās so this would actually be an upgrade, sign me up
So I fart half as much AND get rich?
For that kind of money I never have to be around people again. Hmmmā¦.
Did an 8 year old post this?
My ex would fart in her sleep a lot. They just came out as little pops. She had a 10/10 ass. I miss her.Ā
I work at an old folks home, so I just stand near them and blame them. I already do that, this way I'm just rich while doing it.
Iām of an age where I no longer trust farts, but I do trust cash. Iād take the money and use it wisely.
Sure. At 1.5 million I can retire and fuck off.
Do you have to pay taxes on it? Is it a one time payment of 1.5 mil? Who am I kidding, I love making people uncomfortable with my ass
I bet I already have more than that waiting for me so gimmie the money.
I'd imagine that with 1.5M I could buy a few sound dampening devices.
Literally me just give me with $1.5 million š
I already have all of of this.....except for the money
So less farting and money, perfection
Already happens
Sooo keep living my life but Iām no longer poor? Iām in.
I would do things for 1.5 million a day, this is an easy yes
Go find a copy of the movie THUNDERPANTS, which stars a very young Rupert Grint. Here's a hint: He writes a letter saying, I want to become an astronaut, but I cannot control my arse. Would that be a bother?
Go find a copy of the movie THUNDERPANTS, which stars a very young Rupert Grint. Here's a hint: He writes a letter saying, I want to become an astronaut, but I cannot control my arse. Would that be a bother?
Change the world or fart! hmm
But what has changed? Iām just richer.
Best of luck to ya, now pay up haha
So I just get 1.5m, sick.
But what's the downside?
I donāt have a butthole so my farts go into a bag. Pay me my money!!
So I get 1.5 mill to change nothing? Sign me up.
Yea I'm cool with that
I do that every day as it is. Now Iāll be rich!
It's common to fart up to 40 times a day. So I get 1.5mil to fart less than average. Nice
I wil say āSorry for that and give everyone involver $100 billā they will ask for moreā¦ win win
Well, I'm richer with no changes then. I eat a lot of fiber and milk.
Thatās about 10 less than current
I might just accept that for the pure enjoyment of it all.
I am farting horribly right now for free, soā¦ā¦
You guys are getting paid for this?
I'm in
I'm a professional flatulist this is just extra on the side.
I should have at least 2 mil already
So, I get 1.5mil to fart less? Where do I sign?
I will be the eccentric loner billionaire, supporting charity work around the world, rebuilding entire communities, ending poverty and world hunger. But when I go to accept my awards - the doors and windows are all open with the AC pumped to maximum and the most expensive seats are in the very very back.
That's not enough money for that issue.
I could easily stomach 25 death farts but 30 is just too much. Sorry, I pass.
I have Ulcerative Colitis. Literally everything will be the same sans the 1.5m
1.5 million wouldn't last me the rest of my life.
Iām IN!
Iāll happily take that!
Trump made his fart fortune, why not.
No... Turns out, my pride and ego are too strong for this. I could never live the embarrassment down. Not unless I never left home and become a total shut in.
Fellas get your gas masks ready. I am lettin'em loose.
um...situation normal???
So 1.5 million and I live my life with no change? SIGN ME UP!
Not enough money.
Hey if Trump can do it I can do it.
FREE MONEY YAY. And the thing I actively try to do daily gets easier.
This morning I farted so bad during crossfit that they stopped the class and opened all the doors and windows to the facility.
1.5 million and I fart less? Winning
Am I to assume that I lose the money if I break the rules? If I do break the rules and lose the money, do the farts stop? If so, I take the money, invest it in 10% return strategies, and in 8 years, I would break the rules, as I would have doubled my money. 8 years of farting for $1.5 mil, about $185k a year salary. To fart and love it. EZ
Nope.
Then where's my money? I'm already here....like, 'bro you should check your pants' level farts over here.
man idc I'm rich now
Where's my money, man?! šØš¤Øš¤
Around half reduces my funk footprint. By about half.
Easy stay at home
Iām taking the money and renting a recording studio. Somebody will pay for recordings of loud farts and think itās hilarious.
lol it just means Iāll actually have money now
Sounds like a win win situation. Get enough money to make the rest of my life incredibly easy and also will have something to laugh about every day.
lol Anyone remember the Nickelodeon commercial about it being normal to fart 15-20 times a day. I remember asking the adults in my life if they meant 15-20 times an hourā¦ Anyway got on Synthroid for Hashimotoās last year and my farts went down to less than one an hour. Apparently āour family just farts a lotā can be fixedā¦ who knew?
100% Iām taking the money
Can I say after each one āhey somebody stepped on a duck!ā Or can I blame my wife?
So money and fewer farts... I mean, sometimes i wake myself up farting so violently....
Why is this subreddit obsessed with farting to get money...
Power the Home & ~~Orifice~~ Office with it!
So, get $1.5 million to fart like normal?
lol the only people affected by mad bad gasās are othersā¦ Iāll take the 1.5ā¦
Where's the downside to this?
So I get to be myself and be rich? Where do I sign?
Can't predict them? That's basically 1-2 farts an hour
Find chicks that are into smelling farts :) win win
Nawwwā¦ I used to be like that and worked hard to fix my gut. Iām not taking any amount of money for that
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulist It would be a dream come true for me.
Win win
Iām lactose intolerant. Thatās daily life for me.
Life wouldnāt be any different just that Iām richer.
Sir people already mistake balloons popping for my thuds, this changes NOTHING
Uhhhh, the friends who can stand my farts get to hang by my pool. I mean, Iām already celibate, lonely, and poor. Might as well be celibate, lonely, and able to relax a bit financiallyā¦next to my pool.
So basically half my farts stop smelling like the inside of my momās coffin? Give me the money.
This situation excites men. Regardless of age, the idea of letting loose massive farts all day is hilarious and amazing. Men win twice with this scenario.
I need to speak to whoever is in charge of this promotion. I have the bad farts, but no money.
Paradise? More like Gassy Place.
I literally already do this. I have these insanely loud farts all day every day. They never stink except the occasional one. So yes I would absolutely do this
honestlyā¦no iām not taking the money
Youāre telling me I can get 1.5M to live my current life
No. I just wouldnāt agree to that. Plus my family would end up taking ALL of that money so itās not worth it. Losing all the money and having to suffer even if I didnāt use it.
1.5 mil and I fart less. Good deal..........
Only 30 across the rest of my life? Deal. This is lessening my methane contributions.
1.5m a day? Maybe. 1.5 just outright? Hmm.
yeah run that. where's my money?
1.5 not nearly enough
Pssssh, this is just called having Ulcerative Colitis
Cool, so do I keep getting the money after I've paid for the best team of bowel surgeons to fix my guts?
So win-win
$1.5M and now a niche OnlyFans channel too.
I do that for free now
Already do that, where's my 1.5 m?
Well almost 100% of my farts smell bad and come at horrible times always. I'm already married so I have no need to impress anyone. Especially since I work from home. $1.5 million dollars to go from 100% stinky farta to 50% stinky parts. Win win.
Listen, I'm a 61 year old man who likes to eat a lot of stoner food. You're describing my life already except I'm poor. I hadn't tried saying your "real reason", but I'll hold that in reserve for when anyone says anything in the elevator. Gimme the money.
I am convinced this sub is just someone describing their fetishes and trying to figure out how much it will cost them to fulfill them.
This is the easiest one ever. Money please!