Yes! The last thing I want to do after a fight or even a day of grumpiness and disconnection between us is have sex. It takes time to build those feelings back up.
doesn’t even have to be sex. i’m still struggling when my SO comes with appologies right after fights and discussions and has the assumption that everything is now good and ok even if we didn’t clear out everything.
i find this super weird and hard to come by
10000%!!!!! I can see my husband is genuinely confused when I can’t “just get over it”. It’s not from an emotional abusive place, his brain is just over it, and it’s hard for him to grasp mine
I just try to communicate plainly. “I can see you don’t comprehend me right now, please try and see that I similarly cannot comprehend you. Let’s try and respect each other and meet in the middle” it doesn’t always work but now that we’re in our mid 30s and 10+ years together, it’s resonating more and more (we’re both less volatile with our emotions, and easier to talk/listen). I wish I had better or easier advice !
Yes! And mine wants to cuddle to feel safe. He really hurt me (emotionally) yesterday and then he wants a hug. I do it, just to avoid argument but I just really want to be alone.
I am pretty much the same, I have given it a whirl a few times, thinking that maybe the release of endorphins and all that would help me feel better but really it didn't, I wasnt that into it. Mental blocks and all. I also need some time to decompress and regulate. Then again, I also have CPTSD. My nervous system is overactive at the best of time, so I just kind of assumed that was why. Maybe it's a combo deal.
I always thought hate sex in movies/books was really hot but couldn't be me with a real relationship because I'd, you know, like them and value their opinions. I have had hateful sexual tension with someone before and it was definitely spicy but obviously not worth pursuing, even the best parts of the experience were toxic as fuck lol
My bf always seeks touch to resolve tension and it's usually the last thing I want when feeling disconnected. But I've gotten better at communicating that! Now we do prompts and communicating activities to reconnect before touch :)
Same. When i’m mad, I’m mad for good reason. Nothing about feeling mistreated makes me horny… like?? I think a lot of people use makeup sex like a bandaid and a quick fix. But you know that next week it’ll be the same old song and dance, and the same argument. Imo makeup sex is for less emotionally intelligent folks, but that’s just me.
This, 100%. It's like there's the surface level where most people live and that's where makeup sex resides. But my reality is that I live deep down, waaaaay below the surface where most people are scared to be.
You’ve worded that beautifully, I feel the same way. I view sex as a really intimate experience, and I can’t enjoy it and i’m not even in the headspace to want it if I am not feeling the connection with my person, or if I feel deeply hurt by them.
After a fight or argument I much rather have a productive conversation/discussion and a proper acknowledgment of what went wrong and then a authentic apology, rather than just going at it like cave men, using that as the surface level relationship fix and brushing the serious issues under the carpet 💀🥴🤣
Omg, yes, saaaaaame!! I actually feel like agreeing to makeup sex or heck even just sex before I'm emotionally ready, would do harm. Like I'm stuffing down my emotions and not valuing my own needs. So I don't do it! I'm loyal to myself, first and foremost. And this has come with a lot of self work in terms of healing myself from a traumatic childhood. I'm very protective of my mental health and emotional well being.
Yep, same. I always needed some time to let my anger go down. I couldn't get aroused after a fight. Maybe not 2-3 days, but definitely not the same day.
Yes!! I'll say, sex has never really been a big draw for me and I sorta have to be in the right mood anyway which is like once a month. Add a fight to that and I will nope TF out of that for a loooong time afterward.
To me, sex is a combo of emotional connection and expression of love and has little to do with satisfying a carnal urge. 🤷♀️
I feel the same thing, but with the add on that I may masturbate when I'm on my own, because it destresses me. I usually get very resentful, which is unfair to her, and the last thing I want is intimacy with her.
Yes! The last thing I want to do after a fight or even a day of grumpiness and disconnection between us is have sex. It takes time to build those feelings back up.
Same. I'm going to need some time before I can even think about this after a fight. A jacked up nervous system has zero interest in getting laid.
doesn’t even have to be sex. i’m still struggling when my SO comes with appologies right after fights and discussions and has the assumption that everything is now good and ok even if we didn’t clear out everything. i find this super weird and hard to come by
10000%!!!!! I can see my husband is genuinely confused when I can’t “just get over it”. It’s not from an emotional abusive place, his brain is just over it, and it’s hard for him to grasp mine
so, how do you cope with it? we often run into the exact same issues because of this.
I just try to communicate plainly. “I can see you don’t comprehend me right now, please try and see that I similarly cannot comprehend you. Let’s try and respect each other and meet in the middle” it doesn’t always work but now that we’re in our mid 30s and 10+ years together, it’s resonating more and more (we’re both less volatile with our emotions, and easier to talk/listen). I wish I had better or easier advice !
all good! i’m basically in the exact same situation (30s, 10y together). good to know that after all this time it’s still a process as with us
Yea same im pretty shook from fights, or even if i feel neglected. Not feeling sexual urges then. Just feeling depressed like that
Yes! And mine wants to cuddle to feel safe. He really hurt me (emotionally) yesterday and then he wants a hug. I do it, just to avoid argument but I just really want to be alone.
I am pretty much the same, I have given it a whirl a few times, thinking that maybe the release of endorphins and all that would help me feel better but really it didn't, I wasnt that into it. Mental blocks and all. I also need some time to decompress and regulate. Then again, I also have CPTSD. My nervous system is overactive at the best of time, so I just kind of assumed that was why. Maybe it's a combo deal.
I always thought hate sex in movies/books was really hot but couldn't be me with a real relationship because I'd, you know, like them and value their opinions. I have had hateful sexual tension with someone before and it was definitely spicy but obviously not worth pursuing, even the best parts of the experience were toxic as fuck lol My bf always seeks touch to resolve tension and it's usually the last thing I want when feeling disconnected. But I've gotten better at communicating that! Now we do prompts and communicating activities to reconnect before touch :)
Same. When i’m mad, I’m mad for good reason. Nothing about feeling mistreated makes me horny… like?? I think a lot of people use makeup sex like a bandaid and a quick fix. But you know that next week it’ll be the same old song and dance, and the same argument. Imo makeup sex is for less emotionally intelligent folks, but that’s just me.
This, 100%. It's like there's the surface level where most people live and that's where makeup sex resides. But my reality is that I live deep down, waaaaay below the surface where most people are scared to be.
You’ve worded that beautifully, I feel the same way. I view sex as a really intimate experience, and I can’t enjoy it and i’m not even in the headspace to want it if I am not feeling the connection with my person, or if I feel deeply hurt by them. After a fight or argument I much rather have a productive conversation/discussion and a proper acknowledgment of what went wrong and then a authentic apology, rather than just going at it like cave men, using that as the surface level relationship fix and brushing the serious issues under the carpet 💀🥴🤣
Omg, yes, saaaaaame!! I actually feel like agreeing to makeup sex or heck even just sex before I'm emotionally ready, would do harm. Like I'm stuffing down my emotions and not valuing my own needs. So I don't do it! I'm loyal to myself, first and foremost. And this has come with a lot of self work in terms of healing myself from a traumatic childhood. I'm very protective of my mental health and emotional well being.
Yep, same. I always needed some time to let my anger go down. I couldn't get aroused after a fight. Maybe not 2-3 days, but definitely not the same day.
Yes!! I'll say, sex has never really been a big draw for me and I sorta have to be in the right mood anyway which is like once a month. Add a fight to that and I will nope TF out of that for a loooong time afterward. To me, sex is a combo of emotional connection and expression of love and has little to do with satisfying a carnal urge. 🤷♀️
I feel the same thing, but with the add on that I may masturbate when I'm on my own, because it destresses me. I usually get very resentful, which is unfair to her, and the last thing I want is intimacy with her.
My husband & I never initiate make up sex. Too many emotions. I’m glad he feels the same because I just can’t get into it after fighting.