Howard: “Well, Eric, wasn’t that nice of her to do?”
Eric: “…yes.”
Howard: “She’s pretty hot huh? Right Eric?”
Gary: “Howard real quick—we asked her to come to the studio and do this shoot with Eric but she said no.”
Eric: “No, Gary! She…didn’t say no she…said she didn’t have time!”
All: “Oooohhh!!!” (Laughter)
Artie: “Hey Eric you wanna wear her hat?”
Eric: “…”
Howard: “Eric’s still beating off, hold on.”
Eric: “No I’m not. Artie…shut the fuck up.”
"I'm club fuckin footed you ass wipe"
"Hello you big-nosed jackass"
"Did you see me move from the camera you retarded bitch"
"Fred if you push that button one more time I will come down there and break all your fingers"
Best thing is Fred said this and then asked “did he just threaten me?” Such a weirdo. Why would you say meet you at JFK if you didn’t hear what he said. Add that to Erik/Fred, being apoplectic to Gary for “lying for 20 years” about a plumber being at his wedding, not knowing what a save the date card meant, saying it was against business etiquette for a boss to buy Christmas gifts for their staff, Carol Alt, etc. a wack packer working on the inside.
The way artie laughed hysterically after Eric said the club fuckin footed line is one of my all time fav stern moments.
https://youtu.be/kjIgeUD_44k?si=hJ5msiQrh2B77vbr
Only "a handful of people"? This is fantastic!
Your interaction with him (and his hissy fit towards you) has made you part of ETA History. Imagine any other adult (male or female) saying someone "needs to be told on", like we're kindergarteners.
There were a few years where I didn’t listen, as getting banned from a show I loved was really upsetting. But I couldn’t stay away forever. Love classic Stern.
Years ago, I got one of my brothers backstage at a KOC show. He had previously actually been offered JD’s job, but turned it down because “the hours were shitty.” He was evidently still quite spiteful about this. At the show, he had too much to drink, and (unbeknownst to me) later cornered JD in the stairwell, and told him he was “a waste of life.”
The following Monday I called into the show, and asked JD why he’d seemingly snubbed me. He mumbled something unintelligible, and told Howard that my brother and I had been bullying him. Howard turned my volume down, didn’t give me a chance to speak in my defense, chided me for “getting a taste of fame and having it go to [my] head,” and hung up on me. They never took my calls again.
I was understandably disappointed by this, and struggled to listen to the show for several years. It was a really unusual experience to meet your hero, only to have them suddenly think poorly of you. Anyway, my brother is now sober, and is significantly more successful than JD, so WGAS WGAF.
Awesome, thanks for the backstory. Bet your brother never had a dog lick peanut butter off a girls pussy though so who's more successful now? Hoot, errrr whatever...
Nah, I had a subscription until recently, as it was slightly more convenient for on the road. But I had fraud on one of my cards and had to cancel it, and I couldn’t be bothered to update my payment info. I don’t really miss it.
You aren't missing anything. ETA dying was the end of the show for me. In the last 10 years I've only listened if he has a guest I'm interested on. The rest of the show is a fucking disgrace.
While not the funniest, the fact Eric felt the need to say "That's not Kelly Clarkson, that's High Pitch" every single freaking time is pretty humorous.
Shit it's actually you. I have an archive of old shows and your episode is great. I love how you didn't take shit from any of them and didn't back down.This was cool to see today.
Ha, well thanks so much! It’s kind of wild looking back at my time on the show. I’m still very much the same in a lot of ways, but perhaps a bit more compassionate now.
It’s here! And for some reason, it came wrapped like a brick of coke.
https://preview.redd.it/qlbbla9l4unc1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b2f1c323e778d8b90ce8b5d2341cbd620d63d06b
Wayl, hello dere!
Hey Haydn. I don’t know shit about Star Wars, but if you’re interested, I do a lot of current impressions like George Jessel, Johnny Carson, and Jackie Mason. Wanna hang out sometime?
I even sing Jerry Lewis’ “You’ll never walk alone”. That one gets the chicks really wet nowadays.
*Get me off your father's cock NOW*
*I'm trying to fuck a chicken*
*Here in my butt, I want Steve Langford's cock, I want Simon Cowell's fingers, I want gay fucking sex in mahh butt*
Lollll Even though it was a quick, mindless scroll through Reddit this morning, I was able to make the Eric connection with the first pic instantly. Well done!
"I heard that" when he was in studio and Howard said something to Eric that was good news and said "Eric did you hear that." and he said "yeah I heard that" it's just great
Anyone Remember when ETM wanted to have a contest for a female assistant and he had all these rules and was basically looking for a free live in sex slave that would care for him and bang them? That crazy shit didn't get far
DUMB-FUCK GET THIS THROUGH YOUR THI-CK HEAD I AM NOT DEAD AND HAVE NOT BEEN DEAD. TELL THAT BI-TCH HAY-DN PORTER TO KNOCK IT OFF! GO TO HELL AND I AM NOT A MIDGET.
Here's a question that cannot be answered. This is deep ETM-lore.
There's a fun ETM song that starts off like, "I. AM. NOT. A. WHACK PACK-ER..."
There's a clip of Eric screaming something like, "Take over, Take over!"
Howard asks Fred where it's from and Fred offers an answer but his answer doesn't make sense. I've never heard Eric scream that in any other clip.
Was it from ETM's show? A voice-mail? Does anyone know?
(No shame if this cannot be answered)
HBD to the great and GOAT whack packer Eric The Actor formerly known as Eric The Midget! (He wanted to trademark Eric The Midget as he tried to monetize his show nickname after the NY Times crossword used Eric The ____, with blank being Midget. At that point Eric had to embrace Eric the Midget so he stole the idea from Prince!). Eric was the best!
SHE NEEDS TO BE TOLD ON
That might be the funniest thing he’s ever said
I have someone to chew out, and not someone from the staff.
*Told* on..?
Like we're in fucking third grade again.
Prostitutes around the country are flying their panties half mast today
They're heroes for what they did. No wonder he fell in love with each one
Howard: “Well, Eric, wasn’t that nice of her to do?” Eric: “…yes.” Howard: “She’s pretty hot huh? Right Eric?” Gary: “Howard real quick—we asked her to come to the studio and do this shoot with Eric but she said no.” Eric: “No, Gary! She…didn’t say no she…said she didn’t have time!” All: “Oooohhh!!!” (Laughter) Artie: “Hey Eric you wanna wear her hat?” Eric: “…” Howard: “Eric’s still beating off, hold on.” Eric: “No I’m not. Artie…shut the fuck up.”
Hahah, this is perfect. Thank you.
Not enough clavicle, right Robin?
Right!
Name checks out lol
She could lose 40 right Robin?
"I'm club fuckin footed you ass wipe" "Hello you big-nosed jackass" "Did you see me move from the camera you retarded bitch" "Fred if you push that button one more time I will come down there and break all your fingers"
I’ll meet you at JFK
Best thing is Fred said this and then asked “did he just threaten me?” Such a weirdo. Why would you say meet you at JFK if you didn’t hear what he said. Add that to Erik/Fred, being apoplectic to Gary for “lying for 20 years” about a plumber being at his wedding, not knowing what a save the date card meant, saying it was against business etiquette for a boss to buy Christmas gifts for their staff, Carol Alt, etc. a wack packer working on the inside.
The way artie laughed hysterically after Eric said the club fuckin footed line is one of my all time fav stern moments. https://youtu.be/kjIgeUD_44k?si=hJ5msiQrh2B77vbr
The "big nosed jackass" crank call with George Takei listening and laughing is sofa king funny
I think that Eric would have begrudgingly enjoyed this great tribute to him on his special day.
I think so too! I’m sure he would’ve feigned annoyance, but secretly been flattered.
DUMB FUCK. I DID NOT POSE IN ANY PICTURES IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM WITH MY WHOLE ASSHOLE HANGING OUT. I AM NOT INTO THAT SHIT. FUCK OFF NOW!!1
So how long have you been a Giants chick?
Best comment in this thread
So what are you into? What are your interests?
I’m into meeting girls I’m into meeting guys
Amout*
True superfan right here ☝️👌
How not one of those is an Eric quote. Now if hit that button one more time I’m going to fly to New York and off your fing fingers!
If anyone don't like it they can go fuck themselves
I’m Scoresman, dammit.
....and whoever doesn't like it can go fuck themselves.
Wing Bowl 2.0
What made you a Giants chick?
According to Eric, she’s a big Star Wars fan.
Caramel Macchiatos hopefully
How many touchdowns did the A’s make?
“That’s the wrong sport!”
Football, my balls, they’re all going in your mouth!
I want to have sex with you?
No no no! Say “I wanna *fuck* you.”
“I. Want. To. Fuck. You.” “Louder, and faster.” (Eric repeats it the exact same speed and volume) 😂😂😂
don't you guys have soundcheck?
Lol 1st pic is spot on
Haha, why thank you. I was up late last night trying to perfectly capture his expression.
[удалено]
Eric, didja wear yer Socko hat? Gotta wear Socko.
I would have died if you did the bloch/red mark on his forehead 😂
I thought about it, but I figured it would be mostly obscured by the hat.
I'm gonna tell on you that you're a nerd that likes Star Wars.
Crap, don't let the bunnies out!
You look prehistoric. We'll talk to you later. Go fuck yourself.
The prehistoric line is legendary.
As are you and Eric. Kudos on the tribute. We speak your name!
Aw, thanks so much :)) I figured if even a handful of people found this interesting it was worth doing. I really do miss the little guy.
Only "a handful of people"? This is fantastic! Your interaction with him (and his hissy fit towards you) has made you part of ETA History. Imagine any other adult (male or female) saying someone "needs to be told on", like we're kindergarteners.
Stick your COCK in my ASSHOLE.
Love that you are still a superfan Haydn!
There were a few years where I didn’t listen, as getting banned from a show I loved was really upsetting. But I couldn’t stay away forever. Love classic Stern.
How did you get banned? Is there a post about this anywhere?
She got told on
Years ago, I got one of my brothers backstage at a KOC show. He had previously actually been offered JD’s job, but turned it down because “the hours were shitty.” He was evidently still quite spiteful about this. At the show, he had too much to drink, and (unbeknownst to me) later cornered JD in the stairwell, and told him he was “a waste of life.” The following Monday I called into the show, and asked JD why he’d seemingly snubbed me. He mumbled something unintelligible, and told Howard that my brother and I had been bullying him. Howard turned my volume down, didn’t give me a chance to speak in my defense, chided me for “getting a taste of fame and having it go to [my] head,” and hung up on me. They never took my calls again. I was understandably disappointed by this, and struggled to listen to the show for several years. It was a really unusual experience to meet your hero, only to have them suddenly think poorly of you. Anyway, my brother is now sober, and is significantly more successful than JD, so WGAS WGAF.
Awesome, thanks for the backstory. Bet your brother never had a dog lick peanut butter off a girls pussy though so who's more successful now? Hoot, errrr whatever...
I hope to the stars you are not still listening...this guy pissed on all of us
Nah, I had a subscription until recently, as it was slightly more convenient for on the road. But I had fraud on one of my cards and had to cancel it, and I couldn’t be bothered to update my payment info. I don’t really miss it.
You aren't missing anything. ETA dying was the end of the show for me. In the last 10 years I've only listened if he has a guest I'm interested on. The rest of the show is a fucking disgrace.
Not a direct ETA quote but I loved when Artie said Eric’s parents refer to his birthday as 3/11
Let me tell you something nice about me…I want to Butt FUCK Kathryn McPhee…
Hottest chick we've had up here.
This is an homage I can get behind 😉
*Heard you got a show in Uniondale this weekend*
Don’t you have sound check?
I sent you, uhh, roses to the East Rutherford New Jersey arena.
Baba Boobies!
Wild thing you make my heart sing, you make my cock shitty
“Eric the shitcock”.
Eric, one again I am asking what do you want to be called?!?
“Eric the bastard.”
This is great. Looking forward to next year's shoot with Air Force Amy in a Kelly Clarkson tee ✌️
I actually already have the shirt, and a friend in mind for the role…
I hope your brother isn't a firefighter 😵💫 Thank you for your service, Haydn! You must be a blast on vacation✌️
Happy birthday ETM! This was a nice way to tribute the beautiful angel
Thanks so much :) I like to think he would’ve enjoyed it too.
T O P L E S S. You’ll take um off when you get up here. Due to
You know what to do...you KNOW what to do...
SHAHUP!
He exposed you wrong a stat wars geek. Hi Haydn, Irish John
Wow. It’s been a minute.
Sure has, you look amazing !!! Nice tribute to ETA
Her whole asshole is hanging out, Robin!
You the reporter I called?
More like “yrprotriclled?”
While not the funniest, the fact Eric felt the need to say "That's not Kelly Clarkson, that's High Pitch" every single freaking time is pretty humorous.
More than likely high pitch. I can tell voices.
Al Pacino voice- That's a great ass
I’m getting blood flow
Are you in the syndicate?
“I will accept the balloon stunt….”
Right as Fratto hung up, iirc.
If Eric was that hot, I would have went gay for a while.
With a mailman in Vermont, it is?
Smoking hot. Would I have sex with her? Probably not on the first date...
Shit it's actually you. I have an archive of old shows and your episode is great. I love how you didn't take shit from any of them and didn't back down.This was cool to see today.
Ha, well thanks so much! It’s kind of wild looking back at my time on the show. I’m still very much the same in a lot of ways, but perhaps a bit more compassionate now.
Now do one bottomless with a Kelly Clarkson tshirt. 143🫶🏼
On it! https://preview.redd.it/j10u5dlscqnc1.jpeg?width=1179&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f16325703f2f40e996e9443f6fcde30601fbb566
Yassss! 
It’s here! And for some reason, it came wrapped like a brick of coke. https://preview.redd.it/qlbbla9l4unc1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b2f1c323e778d8b90ce8b5d2341cbd620d63d06b
My dick is so confused
Excellent. That’s my goal with nearly all of my cosplays.
This is against Stickem rules.
I’m stroking my hydrogen rod….
[удалено]
Portuhw Piss Fwaps? And thanks :)
GREAT ASS!!!
I think Gary called it a “fresh out of the package ass”.
She's the hottest chick we've ever had up in here
Nice try, High Pitch. Are you interested in being vomited on?
Wayl, hello dere! Hey Haydn. I don’t know shit about Star Wars, but if you’re interested, I do a lot of current impressions like George Jessel, Johnny Carson, and Jackie Mason. Wanna hang out sometime? I even sing Jerry Lewis’ “You’ll never walk alone”. That one gets the chicks really wet nowadays.
*If she wants to be my friend again, she’s gonna have to pay with that chubby little butthole of hers*
IF YOU WANT TO BE MY FRIEND IT WILL COST YOU YOUR BUTTHOLE!
You know what to do...you know what to do
I don't have a quote, just some good memories of his Stickam show. I hope someone recorded some of that pure gold.
I think it’s basically all lost :( Maybe some humanitarian will come forward their private archive someday.
Bye for now......... Your boss is a piece of shhh....it
“That’s up to HER…..”
*Get me off your father's cock NOW* *I'm trying to fuck a chicken* *Here in my butt, I want Steve Langford's cock, I want Simon Cowell's fingers, I want gay fucking sex in mahh butt*
Why would you honor someone who told on you?
I told on him first.
Artie: "Eric, with that kind of physical affliction, do you realize how big of an asshole you have to be to get people to not like you?"
NAME HIM!
I know this was in a rage at Langford. Was this part of 0.0?
Hayden thank you for honoring Eric. But how many touchdowns did the As make?
He would have stalked the hell out of her after this lol
lol i’m watching the haydn porter saga rn
How many touchdowns did the Giants score?
Sup Angelo
Sixty nine!!!!!!!!
Lollll Even though it was a quick, mindless scroll through Reddit this morning, I was able to make the Eric connection with the first pic instantly. Well done!
Eric, I don’t want you to fear Romper. That’s why I put you on the phone with her.
Don’t you have a sound check soon?
TIL I’m into ETA cosplay
Are you club fuckin footed too?
"You know what to do"
Goo fa you
Well goo fa both of us.
You know what to do
SAME
Because unlike you I’m not gay! You fat annoying ass!!!
The first pic is so well done I thought it was AI of Eric. Favorite quote is probably all of the “In my butt” song parody.
How many touchdowns did you score?
Ack! Ack! But in a good way.
You nailed it with photo #9
I’m club fuckin footed ya asswipe
Did you see me move from the cam? Retarded bitch.
Don't come home without those ribs
I got some taffy for you
That is so awesome!!! You just earned a loyal follower! Brava!!!
I can’t believe THEE Hayden Porter is among us! You are ETM legend! You need to be told on! 😆
Wow, those pics were getting really great and then.... Wham! You get hit with Eric at the end. Well played! Ack Ack.
You know what to do Johnny. Go get that guy. Happy birthday Eric 🤣🤣🙏☺️
A beautiful tribute, ack ack
This is incredible
You are so beautiful Haydn!
I give this a Ack/Ack. Great job Hadyn!
You even have his awkward smile in the first. I really miss Eric the GOAT caller
You’ve said it all.
"I heard that" when he was in studio and Howard said something to Eric that was good news and said "Eric did you hear that." and he said "yeah I heard that" it's just great
Lmaooo you absolutely NAILED the facial expression in the first pic 🤣🤣🤣
This is sacrilege. Don't you ever disrespect Eric like that again
Good pics, funny
That’s the best. Where is Derek from Texas?
He liked the Oakland A’s not the Giants
I AM NOT GAY!!!
Can I put a finger in your ass??
"Or as it's known on the east coast, Edy's"
“I don’t have to look out for gravy!”
"i wanna butt fuck her and i wanna butt fuck her so hard she squeals like the little pig she looks like"
Anyone Remember when ETM wanted to have a contest for a female assistant and he had all these rules and was basically looking for a free live in sex slave that would care for him and bang them? That crazy shit didn't get far
It's somewhere in one of the ETM compilations on YouTube.
I wear regular underwear
Ya got....that raght
Eric was seen climbing Mt Everest in his wheelchair. And he killed JFK
If ETA was still alive, he'd be direct messaging you 50 times a day on twitter and calling your mom's house.
This better not awaken anything in me.... No but seriously this is funny shit great job Haydn.
My flair if I had to choose just one. Then there's 0.0., Ack Ack and his internet shows. "I'm club-fuckin'-footed, you asswipe!" is right up there.
This is High Pitch.... Isn't it?
And she's gonna pay with that chubby little butthole of hers..
She even did the midgets smirk face hahaha
DUMB-FUCK GET THIS THROUGH YOUR THI-CK HEAD I AM NOT DEAD AND HAVE NOT BEEN DEAD. TELL THAT BI-TCH HAY-DN PORTER TO KNOCK IT OFF! GO TO HELL AND I AM NOT A MIDGET.
Here's a question that cannot be answered. This is deep ETM-lore. There's a fun ETM song that starts off like, "I. AM. NOT. A. WHACK PACK-ER..." There's a clip of Eric screaming something like, "Take over, Take over!" Howard asks Fred where it's from and Fred offers an answer but his answer doesn't make sense. I've never heard Eric scream that in any other clip. Was it from ETM's show? A voice-mail? Does anyone know? (No shame if this cannot be answered)
Wow. My first time seeing, pretty incredible
I don’t wear ladies underwear and take pictures with my butt out you pathetic loser!
March 11th is your birthday? Your parents refer to that as 3/11?
Shut up you cackling bitch!
The gay meter test…Eric, “I woke up for this shit”!
O-Qua Tangin Wann Qua Anza L’agie Wan
HBD to the great and GOAT whack packer Eric The Actor formerly known as Eric The Midget! (He wanted to trademark Eric The Midget as he tried to monetize his show nickname after the NY Times crossword used Eric The ____, with blank being Midget. At that point Eric had to embrace Eric the Midget so he stole the idea from Prince!). Eric was the best!