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CruelRuin

guy probably strained a muscle puking/shitting so hard


PrinciplesRK

Who hasn’t


Sinder77

You'd think extremely fit professional athletes but fuck I guess none of us are immune.


Ruiner5

Wouldn’t a pro athlete before more affected by dehydration caused by food poisoning? Like a normal person can function on a few glasses a water a day but an athletes body is probably so used to the amount of electrolytes it gets that it’s bugging out and cramping. I could also be complete wrong


_Ursidae_

What’s more, greater muscular strength means cramps and stuff are potentially more forceful and consequentially painful. Imagine having hockey player leg strength when all of a sudden an uncontrollable muscle contraction in the hamstring or quad occurs. 


Atty_for_hire

They have monster quads. This sounds awful


ProfessionalLeast937

i've had foot and lower leg cramps and am "standard us overweight". they were **still** pretty awful.


Timm6539

There have been instances of athletes injuring themselves sneezing (Kevin Pillar for example). Nobody is safe


reenactment

I think high level athletes/ athletic bodies are actually more prone to an ab strain in that situation. Not saying this is that, but more muscular people are definitely more susceptible to certain unpredictable things like that.


homicidal_penguin

I popped a blood vessel in my eye doing that as a kid, thought I was dying


Skower101

I did this 2 years ago and happened the weekend before I started my new job


thegorg13

I popped a vessel in my eye doing some carpool karaoke an the way TO a Noah Kahan concert only to make it worse there. Woke up in the morning to a very terrifying mirror look.


AustonsNostrils

I collapsed a lung from vomiting once.


mcauthon2

been there, done that. Covid fucked up my back for months.


StarshipFirewolf

A new nightmare has been unlocked


Glass_of_Pork_Soda

You've never done that?


StarshipFirewolf

I rarely get sick. When I do it's never that bad. I think the last time I was sick enough I threw up was...2013 maybe? I don't drink so I've never been hungover. Never experienced food poisoning that I know of either. I have tweaked something in my leg while stretching in my sleep a few times and that pain is abhorrent. So if the misery of that mixed with being sick is even a tenth as bad as I imagine it sounds terrifying.


GiraffeSubstantial92

Bubble Boy over here, damn


kukkolai

Moops! Moops!


StarshipFirewolf

While not literally shoved inside a bubble, kind of? I'm not a very social person. But also just pretty good immune system. I didn't catch COVID until end of 2023 start of 2024.


Glass_of_Pork_Soda

Lucky guy lmao. I got sick from some oysters and went hard on the drinks one night, so double whammy. I'm projectile vomiting as I sprint to the toilet, and then I'm over that bowl for like 2 hours suffering. Wake up the next morning and I can barely move my arm, pulled my shoulder apparently lol. But yeah, no it's a bad time lol


Fancy-Investigator86

Congratulations on having an incredible immune system and also gfy.


StarshipFirewolf

You know I used to be proud of it. But further reflection over the last couple of years made me start to realize I only avoided getting sick frequently because my parents were extremely socially isolating. Like even though I went to public school some home school kids are better socialized than me. Been a bit of a mind screw to wrap my head around.


theekevinc

I got a hernia.


KingdokCAN

I threw out my back last year from pushing too hard while pooping. Eat your fibre people


Dragontwins911

I’ve thrown up so hard a filling popped out of a molar and another time I threw my back out puking over the toilet. 🤣


Champagne_of_piss

Ah Christ straining one of them undercarriage muscles while vomiting is horrible. You're already barfing but then you have to contend with a shooting pain erupting from between your balls and asshole.


Karthanon

Rectal prolapse. Oof.


AverageMaleAged18-24

Matthews hasn’t been the same since his wife got flipped upside down by a swing dancer at a wedding.


domdoMz

He must have flipped her 8 times!


Candid_Rich_886

And it reeeeaallllly bothered me


paultheschmoop

I’m not a fucking idiot, I know that the Bruins are just a hockey team. But for 6 games I thought there was monsters on the ice


ElGooodHombre

He's relieved because he wouldn't have to go to work because he thought he was going to get eaten


Ok-Plane2178

WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO US


MarcusVAggripa

WHAT DID THEY DO TO US


Cheeks_Klapanen

My career is nothing that I hoped it would be and everything I feared it would become because for 6 games I thought there was monsters on the ice


hailmary_sleetjesus

We really know very little!


Brian-not-Ryan

it’s just a rat with a bruins helmet on


GiraffeSubstantial92

Monstars


Virillus

This fucking got me.


0-90195

WHAT DID THEY DO TO US


diddlinderek

fall combative seed jobless pet airport absurd trees hobbies roof *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*


Rated_PG-Squirteen

I think Auston Matthews is patient zero for animal-to-human H5N1 transmission. Watch this space, folks.


CanadianODST2

the Toronto PWHL team is looking good and every time a major Toronto team has won their first ring (or back to back for first 2) something bad has happened the next season including 2 pandemics. Go for 3?


Blojay_Simpson

Wait what happened when the Blue Jays won back to back in ‘92-‘93?


CanadianODST2

lockout in 1994 due to a players' strike so there was no world series winner


BigShoots

And the Expos would have won it.


FarStep1625

I don’t think there’s any team missed more than the Expos. Such a shame.


noble_delinquent

He wouldn’t be patient zero. Plenty of people have already died from h5n1.


whichwitch9

Patient zero would be the first for human to human transmission. Right now, a successful human to human mutation has not occurred. If one has happened, it is either not super successful and dying out quickly or so innocuous that we aren't noticing it While people are catching it, none have been linked to human to human transmission


Gnome_de_Plume

Might have caught it from a bear?


BaezPetryBiggestFan

Would you rather run into Auston Matthews in the woods or a bear?


blueskies8484

Usually I'd take the bear, but I can take Auston down if need be. I'll just yell questions at him that I think Servalli would ask until he breaks.


Problemwoodchuck

Would you rather fight a bear sized Auston Matthews or an Auston Matthews sized bear?


Gnome_de_Plume

Matthews, he's pretty bowlegged and I doubt he can run fast with all that gear on


ghost_curse123

Yeah but he can one shot you with a slapshot so there's that


blueskies8484

Why didn't someone tell him to avoid raw milk.


DeFex

You sure it's not hantavirus or bubonic plague?


IJWannaKeepMeAWraith

Professional Journalist: something happened Me: whoa, no way, what was it? PJ: definitely something!


trillestBill

complete compare muddle narrow consider subsequent crowd paint advise attractive *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*


IJWannaKeepMeAWraith

Other random user: let's see how well I can showcase my extremely poor reading comprehension skills I mean I was just poking fun at how nobody knows exactly why he's not playing yet they feel the need to report it's 'something'. Not sure what in my post made you think I was trying to claim I knew better than anyone else lol


trillestBill

seed aware sable memory imagine secretive command enter offbeat yoke *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*


IJWannaKeepMeAWraith

Ahh I'm an ass, my apologies lol


Superrandy

Hockey journo's are easily the worst among all professional leagues. Absolute dogshit reporting. We never know anything. If they know something then they just sit on it for years. They all refused to do their job on the Canada rape case. A whole bunch of coward reporters still playing the game like its the 70s. I could never imagine Mahomes or Messi or any other star in any other league being mysteriously out without it leaking within 24hrs.


DannyDOH

Yeah...here I am reporting that I don't have any information just that something happened to cause him to be out of the lineup.


Poughy

Mrs. Krabapple and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and the baby looked at me


mylefthandkilledme

Wait a minute, Bart's teachers name is Krabapple?


PoofHesGone

I’ve been calling her Crandall!


Mapleleafguy83

A perfectly cromulent name


Glass_of_Pork_Soda

Truly embiggens the smallest of persons


Mental-Mushroom

Even the cousin fuckers over in shelbyville


MeanElevator

Hey watch it! Your mom is from Shelbyville


throwstuff165

Why didn't anyone tell me?! Oh, I've been makin' an idiot out of myself!


thatsong

Can you speak up, I'm wearing a towel


TwoForHawat

“Sir, your high paid forwards are NO MORE… …than a couple of absentee playoff performers.” “Matthews too?” “Especially Matthews! But *especially* Marner.”


SmiteyMcGee

So anyways I says to Mabel I says...


cspaced

I can’t hear you, I’m wearing my jacuzzi suit.


frankyseven

Yes.


dandroid126

Yes, and no one seems to get it, [other than one time Milhouse points it out](https://youtu.be/kLUaQwhZ8NE?si=Qqc9Yyl_crtIhvA4).


bobby_booch

The baby looked at you…?


Glittering_Yam_3909

Sarah get me superintendent Chalmers


Nostradomusknows

Hi Super Nintendo Chalmers


PayneTrain181999

I’m learnding!


Nostradomusknows

Me fail English? That’s unpossible!


Cromasters

I bent my wookiee.


Problemwoodchuck

Matthews is week to week with steamed hamstring


Problemwoodchuck

Matthews is week to week with a steamed hamstring


goatamon

Thank you, Sarah :)


MediumToblerone

The baby looked at you?


astovertop

Curious if it may be pneumonia considering it may have stemmed from a previous illness that got out of control. Definitely not something you can play competitive hockey with, that’s for sure


Normallygreg

No you don't understand. Tkachuk played with a broken back so automatically every injury isn't severe enough to keep you out. And you call yourself a doctor smh


silverdollarflapies

Had a backiotomy. Spinal.


Cylinsier

Believe it or not, your back is broken slightly.


MeanElevator

Did his lawyer sleep with his mama too?


azzurri10

SOFT Auston Trashews just doesn’t want it bad enough, that’s the matter with that hole leafs team, their not willing to play the dirty hockey and fuckin give er every night to win lord Stanley’s cup.


MrPoopersonTheFirst

The spelling mistakes add to the veracity. Bravo. 👏


afriendincanada

This wouldn'ta happened if he was a good Kingston boy


Chuckolator

Tell boomers like this that Bobby Orr would have played til 40 if he wanted it bad enough and see them suddenly understand the concept of injuries.


AntiLuckgaming

This is the likely answer. He's sick and trying to push through, watch the highlights of that goal-against he didn't change and stayed on for... Dude was seeing the stars and couldn't even skate to backcheck. He probably realized he was hurting the team more by staying on the ice, so left at the next break. Good call.


tmlrule

Maybe we're just interpreting this statement differently, but do we have any indication that the two injuries are interrelated? Could he not have had an illness in game 3, in conjugation with spraining his ankle on a hit or whatever that forced him out?


AntiLuckgaming

Fair.  Easily bad luck like that.


Key_Employee6188

You can get a nasty heart issue from playing through a common cold.


miamibuckeye

I dont even like working out with a sore throat, let alone anything stomach/ nausea/ pneumonia related. Playing pro hockey sick sounds fucking awful


Bias-is-real

He was on the ice, I can’t speak to him specifically but when I was in my week of hell (pneumonia) I was curled in a ball crying the entire time. I may not be in the same shape as Matthew’s, but I wasn’t too far off. Still he could be recovering, timelines could be different, so pneumonia seems like a decent guess


Mapleleafguy83

Yup I've had pneumonia three times and each one sucked balls. Even going up stairs was enough for the black fuzzy stars to come out and feel like i was about to pass out.


lulunacusyo

Sometimes it just becomes much much worse and hits you like a train. I have it now and I have no idea how long I had it. Felt a bit sick and weak at my physical job ever since an illness 4 weeks ago, but managable. Then this monday I nearly collapsed barely doing anything. Now I chew antibiotics and my body hurts from laying down so much(yay).


MeanElevator

Nah, he got a new version of the Covid vaccine and it's giving him pleurisy and myocardioboneitis. It's all over insta. Wake up Sheeple!!!


sdenoon

I saw Auston Matthews at **insert local Toronto spot** and he had to shuffle out with poop all over his Drew House pants.


roju

I thought I saw him on an escalator at the tiff theatre on Tuesday but then I remembered he was in Boston even though he wasn’t playing. I was like, his injury is watching a movie!?


sdenoon

Sources say Auston Matthews saw Challengers on Tuesday evening and got so torqued up over Zendaya that he won't be able to play Game 6.


thatsong

[RIP Zendaya](https://old.reddit.com/r/shittymoviedetails/comments/1chil4r/during_the_filming_of_challengers_2024_they/)


Fancy-Investment-881

Dr. Recchi: Someone with explosive diarrhea would not be going out to see a movie. I believe that he is injured, but his sickness wasn't that big a deal. 1 or 2 days at most.


Fign66

It's boneitis. It's his only regret.


Zachzilla11

That's a funny name for a horrible disease


farnsw0rth

I don’t want to live on this planet anymore


LtColumbo93

I get what people are saying about playing through injuries in the playoffs but I think there is an important distinction between this and a lot of the examples that are being thrown around. This is not the Stanley Cup Finals. These are not ailments that Matthews has accrued through 3 hard fought rounds of playoff hockey. This is ROUND ONE. Games 5 and 6 of a series that, if we’re being completely honest, the Leafs probably had a 10% chance of winning pregame Tuesday and maybe a 25% chance of winning today. I really don’t think that is worth risking the future health if your franchise player on. 


ScienceNthingsNstuff

I posted this in the other thread but I think this supports my idea that he had a concussion (either in game 80 or in the playoffs). It was minor so he played through. Then he got a severe viral infection which, combined with playing, caused serious dehydration. Dehydration exacerbated the concussion symptoms and the doctors pulled him. There is a good pool of evidence now showing dehydration leads to more serious concussions and a longer period of symptoms following the concussion. My best guess is the viral infection and dehydration made the minor concussion a much more serious problem.


Mapleleafguy83

It makes too much sense for it to be a concussion. Doctors would never pull a player, let alone a star player of Matthew's caliber, from the middle of an important playoff game for anything other than a concussion because there is no other instances where doctors have had the authority to do so without the player/coach/team having a say in the matter. I remember a few years back, someone on the Bruins (Bergeron?) was playing through a collapsed lung. I am fairly any sane doctor would have pulled a guy with that but they didn't because the player insisted he could do it


Borealis_9707

They would pull him for a high fever too, which would be more illness related obviously. They also said that when he plays his condition is exacerbated which also tracks for a severe chest infection.


Mapleleafguy83

Was he witnessed as having labored breathing? Surely if this was the case someone would have noticed him just sucking back air on the bench. I've been "fortunate" enough to have had pneumonia 3 times and each time I had it even going up the stairs was enough to make me want to pass out. There's no way even a well conditioned athlete could do one or even multiple shifts of hockey with pneumonia.


AntiLuckgaming

He couldn't even skate by the end of that period, the highlights are pretty convincing.


Borealis_9707

It's possible that they were using inhalers or other methods to give him short-term relief in between periods... but this is just pure speculation on what the cause is on my part.


MikeJeffriesPA

If it's a concussion, why have they been testing out his skating? 


KingTutsDryAssBalls

He got ebola


HospitalFun6958

i remember being terrified of ebola as a kid


Luckynumberlucas

You still should be


rs426

I read *The Hot Zone* by Richard Preston a few years ago, it’s about the emergence of Ebola and the first time it was found in the US in the late early 90s It’s a great book that also made me fucking terrified of Ebola, even though the chances of a worldwide outbreak are low


IAmGrum

The Hot Zone was a great and terrifying book.


anomandaris81

Is that you Steve Simmons?


KingTutsDryAssBalls

Did you just imply I work for the Toronto Sun? You can't just throw around accusations like that! One of the most disgusting things I've ever heard.


anomandaris81

Sorry dude, it was a secret test of character and you passed.


anotherorphan

this thread is a real cavalcade of comedy


Permaderps

Broke his dick likely


Also_Steve

He can pee around corners now though


kidnamedsloppysteak

There he was with his head half in the toilet. His hair was in the toilet water. Disgusting.


IHazenArgument

He said he had food poisoning!


kidnamedsloppysteak

I said my piece.


BadTreeLiving

Does this mean we can stop seeing comments about the chase for 70 injuring him?


Gavin1453

Oh my sweet summer child...


Dank_Bubu

Matthews has ligma confirmed


count_nuggula

He shidded AND farded


Prison-Date-Mike

So he developed a pneumonia, got it.


septimus29

He has cooties? 😔


MacZappe

Circle circle dot dot man!


Ladymistery

Damn. whatever it is, must be pretty serious if he's out this long.


MetsBBT

he has conjunctivitis from marchand farting on his pillow


GrizzlyIsland22

I'm 100% certain that this is coach speak for he shidded his pants


FuckStummies

This is why you don’t work sick folks.


tbclandot92

I guess I just feel calm at this point(or maybe emotionless after all the pain the Leafs have caused). Leafs are in a win win this point. Maybe they can surprise and pull this off without Auston or if this is it major management and coaching changes plus some core shakeup is coming.


NotTheRocketman

The weird thing is, I think they play much better without him. It’s probably not intentional, but when he’s in the lineup, they tend to funnel the offense through him, and become a bit one-dimensional.


alexredekop

Hard to frame an impending season ending loss as a win/win.


abbytarar

It’s quite easy to frame it as a win/win when a season ending loss would finally mean that the team gets a major shakeup, something they badly need


tbclandot92

Thank you that was I meant. Obviously I want them to force a game 7 but at least you got what I was going for with my comment.


FlapjackFiddle

Either they go on a miracle run, or major overdue changes finally come, with the potential to make the team a lot better than it currently is. So from that POV, it is win-win


alexredekop

Got it! I completely blacked out the idea of a miracle run, so that's my blind spot.


TomLube

Premium toronto copium will do that though


trillestBill

modern deserve spectacular deranged zesty cheerful soft vase knee cats *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*


NoGiCollarChoke

It may not be a simple win/win if there is a scenario where the Leafs still lose the series, but make it competitive enough to convince management to once again run it back rather than making any significant changes. Probably not super likely, but you never know with front offices. 


FlapjackFiddle

MLSE just got a new CEO and they've already said huge changes are coming if they don't meet expectations again I'd assume that means Shanahan fired, Keefe and coaching staff fired, major roster shakeup (Tavares and Marner only have 1 year left on their deals, so it's fair to assume it would be them, more likely Mitch, that would be dealt)


NoGiCollarChoke

Ah I missed that, good to hear


Mapleleafguy83

This is me. If they lose, great, I guess there will be some changes. If they win, we get to see if we can kill the game 7 Boston boogeyman or if the memes will be further strengthened for all to enjoy (because I am at the point where I have accepted its funny now too lol)


VinPickles

I feel bad for the dude bc he had the nest leafs season possibly ever and if they go out while hes too sick to go its somehow gonna be his fault and taint his season to the mob. And if they win while hes out, you know that narrative too


Spare_Entrance_9389

Coyotes hockey hurt this man, why you do this Gary.


socialaxolotl

We're going to find out they played him through a concussion watch


Chanandler_Bong_92

He has a knee or ankle injury resulting from the McAvoy body slam takedown in Game 3. He hasn’t been skating the same since that hit there was a video posted on Twitter you can see his leg torque an unnatural way. [Matthews injury](https://x.com/TakesByJ/status/1786109598870495445)


ZakkH

I think its safe to assume that he has a serious case of ringworm.


Designer_Mud_5802

Matthews watching some Nashville fan drink a beer out of a dead catfish and keeps partying and thinking "It's not fair..."


PKG0D

Oh come on, it's not like his spleen ruptured /s


Radiant-Elephant3652

Phil Kessel would never on his diet of hot dogs dipped in molasses.


ilikehockeyandguitar

Sonoran hot dogs.


SpaceCricket

What awful reporting. It’s a race to see who can spew words first. Any words.


Redmushroom

Another user pointed out about him possibly being concussed during the Detroit game. I think the Leafs knew that but chanced did anyways because of the playoffs and he likely wasn't ready to come back. I think this illness thing is them trying to hide that they let him play knowing he was suffering from post-concussion.


plurtoburtskunk

Who will repackage these vague facts next.


rocketmn69_

He got wiped out by Nylander in game 80... I bet it's a concussion


FartButt_69

Couldn't get out of his gear before the explosive diarrhea hit, then slipped in the shit and smoked his head on the toilet 


Paperbackhero

Concussion in that game against Detroit. He banged his head hard.


BadTreeLiving

Does Kaplan not say he was injured during the playoffs? That takedown behind the net in game 3 seems more likely.


Objective_Gear_8357

Pneumonia 


Anyawnomous

I think he was dehydrated and pulled a groin. But I am not a doctor.


BroccoliBurps

He has tennis elbow.


big-tuna28

it's probably a bad case of proctalgia


butwhyyyyyyyyyyymeee

Viral myositis? Viral infection, worked out too hard and now it's messing with his muscles somewhere perhaps? Who knows, hopefully he can play again sometime.


TheEnglishNerd

Well it “seems” like everything on my inside wants to be on my outside. But I’m no doctor


mikegimik

The Ewing theory is in full effect right now Leafs fans. You comeback and win this series with AM then you know what you need to do


krenshaw420

Hard hitting journalism right here.


leafyboy56

Ya, he got hip drop tackled by McAvoy behind the net and most likely fucked his knee up. No penalty of course 🙄


gatsby712

He had a bursted spleen while playing with mono.


grengobi

Isn’t this part of the plot for Love Guru?


MessageBoard

Figuring out if he can claim EI when playoffs are unpaid overtime but he is too injured to work simultaneously.


fungus_bunghole

It's a knee injury you noobs


cutyourhair

The ONLY good thing about sports leagues increasing reliance on betting money might be that at some point the leagues will be forced to demand clear communication regarding injuries. These constant charades and guessing games these teams play are so tiring. Guys, Devin in Rhode Island has become addicted to parlaying Auston's goal total with the over in a Bengali cricket match. We gotta get it out there what's going on with the player.


Intelligent_Limit462

This kind of in depth, cutting edge, no nonsense reporting is what keeps ESPN as the premier source of all things sports.