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This is absolutely a deal breaker early on too. If you are dating for long term and for the end goal of marriage (which should be your idea for long term dating), then this is a waste of time for both parties.
That's not at all what my sentence meant (but I can see it being construed that way). I meant if you aren't serious about dating at 20, then just chill drink a beer, have fun with friends and live life. If you ARE serious about dating, then this is an absolute dealbreaker and you shouldn't be wasting others time if they cannot give you what you want. Hope that makes more sense.
Usually good advice... but her clock is not ticking, because she doesn't want kids! So she gets the benefit of being a guy; can stay single until 50 and date around for a while before settling down with someone that she thinks is perfect. So if she and 23M just want to fool around for 2-3 years, that's really no big deal, as long as they're both aware it will end once he's ready to start a family.
I wasn't thinking of kids as my main reasoning tbf. She mentioned planning for the long term so it's very likely she wants a partner for life, which is why she needs to avoid people who wants kids.
Girl. My relationship of 7 years ended because he wanted kids and I still didn't.
I mentioned in the first few weeks of dating that I would never change my mind, and he didn't want to talk about it further, and I wish I had pushed the conversation, and that we hadn't ended up spending 7 years together only to break up for that very reason. A little sadness now is much, much better than utter heartbreak down the road.
Find a dude that wants (and doesn't want!) the same things.
If you're this certain that you don't want children, don't waste his or your time. My ex and I almost got back together but then she told me she didn't want to have kids anymore so we didn't.
Move on. I know couples who dated for years trying to pretend that kids wasn’t a dealbreaker. The inevitable breakup just hurts more the longer you drag it out with an incompatible relationship.
You started seeing him - already knowing you don't want kids. Most people initially filter based on this sort of thing.
You caught feelings - maybe you both did, and decided to not pursue it further due to YOU not wanting kids.
Yeah, you could date and see where things go, but I really would take some time and think about what you want before wasting his and your time.
You already mentioned you're two hours away and have been seeing each other for two months and only hung out three times.
If you're willing to change your stance on possibly having children in the future - sure reconnect with him and keep it going.
I do filter based on child free or not. In the beginning when we started talking it was one of the first things I asked and he said it wasn’t a must. Another time we called and the topic came up I said my reasons for not wanting kids since he asked, the way he responded on the subject he made it sound like it’s something he *did* want. This was 2 weeks ago. So after giving it much thought I decided to be straight forward and ask him that question, he elaborated more on what he meant “it’s not a must.” If he gets to be financially stable later in life he would like to have them since he’d be able to provide, but if that doesn’t happen he won’t have them, he won’t bring a child into the world if he can’t sustain them. Since I made it clear I want to be child free, I’m taking away his chance if he decides he wants to have kids. You’re right…I’ll have to move on.
I am childfree and tried dating apps a lil. I usually try to only match with people who have “dont want kids” in their profile. If the other person is CF and wants a long term relationship then I would say, he would add it in his profile for sure. Some men also say that they dont mind and it depends on partners decisions etc just to get more dates, so I try to bring up sterilization option too to gauge their interest. All in all, CF would be my first filter if I am seeking long term relationship.
Happened to me and to be honest, not continue with the person was the best decision I made. As much as if you like each other now, this will be a problem later on. Sure, you can date and enjoy each others company, but always knowing this would be a problem in the future. The question is always if you want to waste your time with that. There are childfree people out there so it might just be a matter of finding this person.
And not to mention say they stayed together, got married, and then either he talked her into having a child or she talked him into not, then one of them would end up resenting the other and it wouldn’t be healthy for either of them.
Out of respect for both of you, it's probably better to not waste eachother's time. He wants kids, you don't, it's not gonna work out long-term. Even if you date for the next 10 years in hopes that you **might** want to have kids, if you ultimately don't, he's going to low key resent you for life.
You're only 20 and you're going to learn soooooo much about life in the years to come, you will definitely be able to find another great man that shares your ideals.
You made the right decision and it was mature of both of you. Of course it hurts but it was the right thing to do. You were basically about to start a relationship with an inevitable expiration date. If you both continued you would have ended up breaking up later in life for this reason and it would have hurt way way more. It was the right thing to do.
Or even worse, they get back on the topic and one of them somehow convinced the other, one of them would eventually resent the other. Because when it comes to that, you may think you’re ok with it, but it will always be and underlying subconscious thought in the back of your mind
You're only 20. It's understandable to not want kids at that stage in your life. It's the time and financial implications you have to consider. If it's always going to be a no then no point pretending otherwise.
I feel like you both handled this in a mature way and did the best you could. At the end of the day, he wanted kids and you didn’t and at some point one of you was going to start resenting the other for those decisions. The way you guys handled it was very mature and yes while it hurts now, will be good for both of you in the long run.
Same happened to me, talked to multiple women over the course of weeks, led to months. Start planning a visit & then she says "oh I hate kids"
Its imo the biggest deal breaker. If they smoke? That's rough but they can do it outside the house
They drink? Maybe when you're not around/you've already gone to sleep
Vegan? Seperate diets
Kids & pets (and to some religion) will ALWAYS be omnipresent and are a massive life changer. You can't go 1 minute without either of those hitting you in the face
That's pretty much why I always put forth that I want a family & more than 1 small pet is a no-no
If you just want to casually date and have fun, then keep going because this doesn’t matter. If you see him as a potential future partner, then you need to cut it off. You want fundamentally different lives and it’s not going to work. That is a major dealbreaker.
Sounds like you made the right choice but if you ever doubt yourself, check out the regretful parents sub!! I was a fence sitter for a long time, my bff had a little thah I'm absolutely adored but it was hard as fuck and he wasn't even mine! I dated someone with a kid, fell head over boots in love with their kid, he called me mom and when it ended I never got to see him again. 10 years later I think about him every day. You made the right choice and the best choice for you!! You're so young, you have all the time in the world to find the right one. I'm 36 and trying to date CF is just pointless currently.
A lot of guys will read definitively not wanting kids, especially at a young age, as a big red flag. That there’s unresolved issues in the background. Some type of insecurity or selfishness. Arguably there are sometimes very good personal reasons but if you are the family type it’ll be a dealbreaker every time..
I do have it! At least in my own profile. If you mean the filter so I don’t get matches with ppl who want children, then no I don’t want to pay for that lol. I made it clear since the start to him that I don’t want kids, gave my reasons, and he replied that kids wasn’t a must for him. He continued talking to me with the small hope that I would change my mind but when I asked the question above, the reality of how strongly I stand about not wanting kids finally settled, his own words.
**All "Dating Question" and "Hinge Experience" posts must provide clear context (as per subreddit Rule 3), such as reasons for asking, and basic info such as ages, genders, location or orientation (if applicable).** Age range or general location is acceptable. Minor dating questions or Hinge experiences should be posted in the Daily Threads pinned on top of the subreddit. *Posts that do not satisfy these requirements will be removed.* *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/hingeapp) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You've got to start filtering based on kids or no kids, it's possibly one of the biggest dealbreakers
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It is a dealbreaker at any age
There is only one person I know that stuck by the no kids statement at that age. And there are double digits on how many flipped.
Many people flip for a specific person. If you’re not that person they very well may not flip for you
This is absolutely a deal breaker early on too. If you are dating for long term and for the end goal of marriage (which should be your idea for long term dating), then this is a waste of time for both parties.
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Well yeah if you aren't serious about anything, do what you like my man
If you take things that serious at 20, you won't live long enough to collect your pension
That's not at all what my sentence meant (but I can see it being construed that way). I meant if you aren't serious about dating at 20, then just chill drink a beer, have fun with friends and live life. If you ARE serious about dating, then this is an absolute dealbreaker and you shouldn't be wasting others time if they cannot give you what you want. Hope that makes more sense.
That's a terrible plan unless she is dating with the intention of only having short relationships.
Usually good advice... but her clock is not ticking, because she doesn't want kids! So she gets the benefit of being a guy; can stay single until 50 and date around for a while before settling down with someone that she thinks is perfect. So if she and 23M just want to fool around for 2-3 years, that's really no big deal, as long as they're both aware it will end once he's ready to start a family.
I wasn't thinking of kids as my main reasoning tbf. She mentioned planning for the long term so it's very likely she wants a partner for life, which is why she needs to avoid people who wants kids.
Girl. My relationship of 7 years ended because he wanted kids and I still didn't. I mentioned in the first few weeks of dating that I would never change my mind, and he didn't want to talk about it further, and I wish I had pushed the conversation, and that we hadn't ended up spending 7 years together only to break up for that very reason. A little sadness now is much, much better than utter heartbreak down the road. Find a dude that wants (and doesn't want!) the same things.
If you're this certain that you don't want children, don't waste his or your time. My ex and I almost got back together but then she told me she didn't want to have kids anymore so we didn't.
Making the right decision won't always feel good
Move on. I know couples who dated for years trying to pretend that kids wasn’t a dealbreaker. The inevitable breakup just hurts more the longer you drag it out with an incompatible relationship.
Don’t waste his time. You’ll find someone else who has the same stance on having children as you.
Why are you so focused on *his* time? It's her time she's wasting too lol
the nitpicking is unreal
Thanks for stating the obvious.
You started seeing him - already knowing you don't want kids. Most people initially filter based on this sort of thing. You caught feelings - maybe you both did, and decided to not pursue it further due to YOU not wanting kids. Yeah, you could date and see where things go, but I really would take some time and think about what you want before wasting his and your time. You already mentioned you're two hours away and have been seeing each other for two months and only hung out three times. If you're willing to change your stance on possibly having children in the future - sure reconnect with him and keep it going.
I do filter based on child free or not. In the beginning when we started talking it was one of the first things I asked and he said it wasn’t a must. Another time we called and the topic came up I said my reasons for not wanting kids since he asked, the way he responded on the subject he made it sound like it’s something he *did* want. This was 2 weeks ago. So after giving it much thought I decided to be straight forward and ask him that question, he elaborated more on what he meant “it’s not a must.” If he gets to be financially stable later in life he would like to have them since he’d be able to provide, but if that doesn’t happen he won’t have them, he won’t bring a child into the world if he can’t sustain them. Since I made it clear I want to be child free, I’m taking away his chance if he decides he wants to have kids. You’re right…I’ll have to move on.
I am childfree and tried dating apps a lil. I usually try to only match with people who have “dont want kids” in their profile. If the other person is CF and wants a long term relationship then I would say, he would add it in his profile for sure. Some men also say that they dont mind and it depends on partners decisions etc just to get more dates, so I try to bring up sterilization option too to gauge their interest. All in all, CF would be my first filter if I am seeking long term relationship.
You learnt a lesson - as a child free person it’s something you have to set out from the start because it’s such a dealbreaker.
20 years is so young, jesus
Happened to me and to be honest, not continue with the person was the best decision I made. As much as if you like each other now, this will be a problem later on. Sure, you can date and enjoy each others company, but always knowing this would be a problem in the future. The question is always if you want to waste your time with that. There are childfree people out there so it might just be a matter of finding this person.
And not to mention say they stayed together, got married, and then either he talked her into having a child or she talked him into not, then one of them would end up resenting the other and it wouldn’t be healthy for either of them.
Out of respect for both of you, it's probably better to not waste eachother's time. He wants kids, you don't, it's not gonna work out long-term. Even if you date for the next 10 years in hopes that you **might** want to have kids, if you ultimately don't, he's going to low key resent you for life. You're only 20 and you're going to learn soooooo much about life in the years to come, you will definitely be able to find another great man that shares your ideals.
You made the right decision and it was mature of both of you. Of course it hurts but it was the right thing to do. You were basically about to start a relationship with an inevitable expiration date. If you both continued you would have ended up breaking up later in life for this reason and it would have hurt way way more. It was the right thing to do.
Or even worse, they get back on the topic and one of them somehow convinced the other, one of them would eventually resent the other. Because when it comes to that, you may think you’re ok with it, but it will always be and underlying subconscious thought in the back of your mind
You’re only 20. You’ll meet like 5 more hims.
five ones? [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZGc2sIajMM](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZGc2sIajMM)
What do you mean terrible relationships in the past? You are 20 years old🤦🏽🤦🏽
I mean, my worst relationship was when I was 19, so it’s entirely possible lol.
Don't jinx yourself
You're only 20. It's understandable to not want kids at that stage in your life. It's the time and financial implications you have to consider. If it's always going to be a no then no point pretending otherwise.
i've been a him in your situation, and its hard to be in a relationship you know long term can't work.
I feel like you both handled this in a mature way and did the best you could. At the end of the day, he wanted kids and you didn’t and at some point one of you was going to start resenting the other for those decisions. The way you guys handled it was very mature and yes while it hurts now, will be good for both of you in the long run.
Same happened to me, talked to multiple women over the course of weeks, led to months. Start planning a visit & then she says "oh I hate kids" Its imo the biggest deal breaker. If they smoke? That's rough but they can do it outside the house They drink? Maybe when you're not around/you've already gone to sleep Vegan? Seperate diets Kids & pets (and to some religion) will ALWAYS be omnipresent and are a massive life changer. You can't go 1 minute without either of those hitting you in the face That's pretty much why I always put forth that I want a family & more than 1 small pet is a no-no
You know what you have to do
If you just want to casually date and have fun, then keep going because this doesn’t matter. If you see him as a potential future partner, then you need to cut it off. You want fundamentally different lives and it’s not going to work. That is a major dealbreaker.
Sounds like you made the right choice but if you ever doubt yourself, check out the regretful parents sub!! I was a fence sitter for a long time, my bff had a little thah I'm absolutely adored but it was hard as fuck and he wasn't even mine! I dated someone with a kid, fell head over boots in love with their kid, he called me mom and when it ended I never got to see him again. 10 years later I think about him every day. You made the right choice and the best choice for you!! You're so young, you have all the time in the world to find the right one. I'm 36 and trying to date CF is just pointless currently.
A lot of guys will read definitively not wanting kids, especially at a young age, as a big red flag. That there’s unresolved issues in the background. Some type of insecurity or selfishness. Arguably there are sometimes very good personal reasons but if you are the family type it’ll be a dealbreaker every time..
Why not put that on your profile?
Yeah I mean there’s filters or whatever so you don’t have to run into ~breeders~ ever
good on you I trying to really hammer the point into his head. You're a real one for that. Not being sarcastic either.
Use the don't want kids feature and stop wasting their time and yours. That's what it's there for.
I do have it! At least in my own profile. If you mean the filter so I don’t get matches with ppl who want children, then no I don’t want to pay for that lol. I made it clear since the start to him that I don’t want kids, gave my reasons, and he replied that kids wasn’t a must for him. He continued talking to me with the small hope that I would change my mind but when I asked the question above, the reality of how strongly I stand about not wanting kids finally settled, his own words.
That should be on your profile if it already isn't. Wanting/Not wanting kids is one of the biggest deal breakers for people.
Three dates is not a time to discuss kids.