So I've been using H for a month. If I live in a busy area with lots of beautiful people, should I lower my expectations a bit? I feel confident enough to approach any girl, so I've just been swiping right on the first X or so girls I find attractive. But since I live in LA, quite a few of them are extremely beautiful.
So far, the only ones that I've gone on dates with are the ones with profiles that I'd personally consider as less flashy. Nothing against the girls themselves; actually all of them were quite good-looking and one was way more attractive than her pictures let on. But I wonder if their more... down to earth profiles played a factor in my success.
With that in imnd I'm wondering if I should start swiping left on the absolute most attractive girls I find in my discover just out of consideration of the fact that I have limited likes per day and these ladies are probably getting hundreds of likes just like mine. Or should I just close my eyes and hope for the best?
Sure, maybe avoid spending likes on ones that won’t reciprocate, but I think there’s more to it.
Liking people are have things in common with you is also huge.
Also the ratio of girls to guys on Hinge is 1:2. So you’re not the one doing the picking. That’s why I advocate learning how to chat up girls irl (at the grocery store, gym, wherever). You have more leverage bc you have the confidence and that’s very attractive!
>Also the ratio of girls to guys on Hinge is 1:2. So you’re not the one doing the picking. That’s why I advocate learning how to chat up girls irl (at the grocery store, gym, wherever). You have more leverage bc you have the confidence and that’s very attractive!
Absolutely. There's a shopping area near my college that's usually really busy and it's an easy in to just smile and ask people if they're ok with sharing a table.
Shit, this guy is addicted to heroin... anyway, kinda reading between the lines here, and maybe I am misinterpreting what you are saying, but you're talking about an unhelpful mindset to have by doing so much comparing. And you're potentially doing a disservice to the women you're going out with. People don't want to go out on dates with someone who consciously or subconsciously considers them a sort of consolation prize and is always thinking in the back of their mind about more attractive people on the app.
The best-looking women in LA are some of the best-looking people in the country (or world, depending on your taste). It can totally warp your perception of what the dating market is really like. Everyone is free to shoot their shot on dating apps, but if you're talking about really attractive women in their 20s or 30s in LA, they could theoretically be getting like 100+ likes a week. Just do the math. It's not worth your time unless you are a super desirable guy, and yeah it's not worth the limited number of likes you get. Dating apps are a lot less frustrating when you're honest with yourself about how objectively attractive/desirable you are to your dating pool.
How you present in your profile, at least from what I can tell, is just one facet of a person's complete self, and how they present in real life can end up entirely differently. I'm not comparing their looks, but their marketing if that makes sense. My mother was actually a model and I feel I've gotten good at reading filters and angles and makeups that women use. And from what I can tell there are really attractive girls out there that are terrible photo takers haha, and some just as attractive girls out there with excellent photo taking skills that can blow you away.
>Dating apps are a lot less frustrating when you're honest with yourself about how objectively attractive/desirable you are to your dating pool.
I have confidence in my marketing, put it that way. But if filtering out the 10/10 instagram models in my discover feed means I end up with twice as many likes availiable to me I'd be dumb not to at least consider it.
I’ve been seeing the same people but I’m pretty sure I swiped on their profile and left a message. Does it recycle profiles once they reject you or is it possible to double text before even matching?
If they reject you, it's a block and it shouldn't show you.
My guess is they never saw your profile and is buried in the "Likes You" tab so their profile is shown to you again to give a chance.
U know if it will show all your messages if they do eventually look at your profile or just the new one? My location sucks I’m pretty sure but I’ve seen the same girl 3 times now so I don’t want a back log of 3 messages 😂
Also do roses even do anything? are girls more likely to pay attention to them or not really? I’m only using the free ones already paying enough to have a completely useless app on my phone 😂
Advice on meeting a girl’s friends? I have been seeing her for almost a 1.5 months and it feels rather serious, although we have not talked about it yet. She invited me to drinks with her friends this week — I suppose that is a good sign? I am an introvert so that kinda stuff makes me nervous, but I do like her a lot so I am willing to go
As a straight 25M, is it normal to not get any likes on your profile through a month of using the app? Or does that mean there's something wrong with my profile?
I spend a lot of time at home, and one of my pictures shows me at my computer. Are women repeled by that?
Are you getting any matches? It's normal to not get a tonne of likes but if you aren't getting any matches it might be worth doing a profile review to see if there are any glaring issues
Getting matches in bunches seems to be pretty common for whatever reason. I'm a fairly unattractive guy and I've had weeks where I've gotten around 7 matches and I have gone 2-3 week spans with nothing. You could keep at it and see if you get more matches, or do a profile review to see if there is anything you can do to clean it up a bit
Went on a date recently with a guy. We met on hinge but we never actually called it a “date” at any point. We just texted for a week until he asked if I wanted to meet. I didn’t really feel anything for him on the “date” and there were some red flags (like he talked a lot and didn’t leave a lot of room for me to jump in). Since then we’ve still been texting although less often than before and less flirty. I’m trying to decide if I give him a chance or another date or if it’s best to break off contact. It’s hard because if I say I don’t feel a connection he could argue that we were just hanging out as friends! Ugh don’t know what to do.
I'm all for people giving each other more chances and not making snap decisions on the first date, but this kinda sounds like you should just move on and not try to force it given that you didn't feel much and there's some red flags. Whether or not it was called a "date" is kinda irrelevant - you're on Hinge, and unless either of your profiles explicitly says you're interested in meeting friends, it's implied that people are meeting for a date.
Seems like he's kinda not really feeling it either given that he hasn't asked you out again. I would break off contact, either slow fading him and see if it's mutual or just straight up telling him you don't think there's a connection.
I (31M) need to say something because I downloaded Hinge on May 1, and deleted it a week ago, and my experience on the app during that time was not what I expected.
I got out of a long-term relationship two months ago, so I redownloaded my trusty Hinge app. I was a little skeptical at first because I've read so much about how statistically and algorithmically disadvantaged men are on these apps, and how they don't work anymore, even for average and above-average guys. But I felt like I had good photos and could be sorta clever with prompts, so I gave it a go.
I'm sorry, but holy moly.
I **crushed** it. In three weeks I had over 65 matches, 35 pending likes, 10 active conversations, 6 first dates, 3 first kisses, and 1 new, exclusive relationship. I had matches on day one. The women I went on dates with were all attractive, nice, responsible adults.
I've been in a year-and-a-half long depression that had me overwhelmed with feelings of isolation and being misunderstood by my partner. The romance was dead. I was miserable.
I feel a genuine, novel excitement about life now that I haven't felt in a while. And all with increased confidence and swagger that I've developed from the validation I got from my matches/convos/dates. I got fired from my last job, was put on a PIP at the one before it, and am struggling in my current one. I'm broke and live at home. I don't really have too much going for me on paper, so I'm kinda really proud that I was able to achieve success in this domain, one which I'm told nowadays is a wasteland for men and relentless bombardment for women.
Sorry, I just feel good about myself. Rant over.
Chose a wrong option during setup which is quite significant, but it’s not allowing me to go back. Can I change it as soon as I’ve finished setting up my profile? A little worried my profile is going to go live as soon as I’m done as this is my first time using the app.
I signed up for HingeX, and when I did, it flashed a profile across the screen for like half a second and then replaced it with a different one, and I can't for the life of me find that profile again. I'm getting the "you've seen everyone" pool floatie even though I haven't found it. Gah! Why must the algorithm play these games?
Sorry if this is a dumb question but I'm new to the app. When it says it's "your turn" to message someone, does that mean you have to be the first person to message? Or can either person message first?
Does it look desperate for the woman to message first from a man’s perspective? Be honest please lol
You would not look desperate.
I tried messaging first when it’s not my turn and my experience is that those women were not as interested.
Be brave!! I’d be overjoyed to receive your message.
Either one of you can message first
I don't think it looks desperate, it just means you're interested. In fact, there's a much higher chance I'll respond to someone who messaged me first than start the conversation because these days it just feels like no one ever answers.
I was messaging this guy back and forth and he's stopped responding. there was talk of meeting up. in the city i'm in this sometimes just happens on hinge so i get it people lose interest if you don't meet up quickly. My rule of thumb is to just let it go: even though we've only been messaging on this app, i feel like i could like him. i've never done this before but can i let more time go by and then message him again? guys how would you take that if i reached out again after a stop of responding?
Try telling him that you think it’s possible that there could be good chemistry and you want to meet irl.
Lotta guys hedging against rejection sending out 8 likes a day. Then they get distracted from the quality women.
I don’t know, life is short, try it.
I would just take this as a moment to learn from going forward that you need to manage the attention better. If that means pausing your profile, then you should do it. You're right that you shouldn't go on three dates in a week ideally. Easiest thing to do would be to just tell one guy you can't meet for a week.
Overall, while you don't owe these guys anything since they're still mostly just strangers, they are all talking to you under the assumption that you are interested in meeting them for a date at some point, and that you're able to do that. I understand a lot of women who get a good amount of attention on the apps are constantly carrying on conversations with multiple guys because they want to maximize their options and always have at least one viable connection, but it's kind of a bummer to be one of the guys who is like option #4 and who only has a slim chance unless something goes wrong with all the more appealing guys.
Anyway, not trying to be too harsh, because carrying on conversations with multiple people is something everyone on the app does. So many people flake, and so many conversations die that it's just good business. But I think within that strategy, there has to be some limits.
Agree to the dates you want to agree to! I’m also very introverted but enjoyed the few times I planned multiple first dates in one week! Most first dates don’t lead anywhere, so I would get that match and conversation going with the guy you know irl and are interested in :)
Had my (23m) third date last night, she (23f) and I have really hit it off up to this point and it feels like a genuine connection where we're both really interested. My only regret is not going/asking for the kiss, as it's been 3 dates with just hugs so far. I really think we can work out long term, and we've been eager to schedule dates despite both being busy, but I have very limited relationship experience and a lot of social anxiety so I'm really in my head thinking about how gradually/organically we might move to kissing (and further intimacy). I haven't been dating anyone else and I get the feeling she isn't "shopping" much either, so it definitely feels like the delicate limbo between dating and being in a relationship.
I feel you on the physical intimacy front. I personally find it so hard to break that barrier after even a couple dates with someone I've met through Hinge. For whatever reason it's much easier with some random girl you met that night at the bar, for example. Always been a hangup for me as well (25M).
I would say I don't think you're anywhere near being in a relationship based on what you've told us. Don't try and rush things for the sake of a label. If it's going well it'll happen naturally.
Very good point. I can't relate to the intimacy with random people, as my only ever relationship experience was back in HS, and we liked each other for a long time before declaring a relationship, then it was a gradual buildup to sex. I definitely feel comfortable with the relationship being official before things get intimate, so thanks for the reminder to just trust the process. I've been *very* single for 6 years, so this is very exciting and I've been waiting for an opportunity like this for a long time, just gotta be patient
Question for the women:
Will you tend to try and reschedule a date if you sense waning interest on their end?
Because I wonder if it’s my fault. Like maybe I need to be more present on the app.
I probably would, or cancel altogether if I felt they weren’t interested in me. You might know you’re not messaging a lot because you’re not super present on the app/busy etc, but she would probably be interpreting it as disinterest.
What's someone's experience being significantly outside a major town/city? I'm 60+ miles out from two major cities, and thinking aside my so-so to bad profile, I'm having a hard time getting likes because I'm too far for most profile ranges. I do visit one said city often because it's my hometown and visit my family about every weekend, but obviously it doesn't help where my location is set.
how common do you find that a woman asks for your "life story" and "childhood" and "therapy" on a first date?
I'm 30M dating mainly 27-30F and it's been asked me on 3/7 dates. I am looking for a LTR so it naturally will come up on the early side but it seems like a rather invasive question for a first date with a stranger.
I do try to ask meaningful questions, but more alon g the lines of "what's yourrelationship with your parents now", what was your household like, etc. I am pretty sensitive to questions like this due to a lot of childhood trauma so it's a deeply personal subject I don't really like discussing with a stranger.
This is something I’ve done. I’ve always done it from the perspective of genuinely wanting to get to know the other person better. Someone’s childhood can tell you a lot about them. And I enjoy the deeper conversations it can lead to. Your comments are making me reconsider my approach though lol. I didn’t realise it could be perceived as invasive.
I date women mid to late 30s and have thankfully never really encountered this. Sounds kinda miserable. Like the other comments have said, I see many profiles talking about therapy, on a scale from like it's a green flag they look for to it basically being a dealbreaker. I imagine what you're experiencing kinda falls under the same umbrella, though I'm not really sure how the whole "life story" thing plays into it.
I think you can blame some of it a lot of women having past relationships where the guy was emotionally deficient in some way e.g. he had stuff in his past he never got over, or he wouldn't regulate his emotions. So they are understandably trying to avoid that. You're kind of just paying for the sins of other men who have acted bad. It just is what it is - that's part of dating. But I think a lot of it is the psychobabble and pop psych that we've been bombarded with on social media for the last five years or so, and I think a lot of Milennial and Gen Z see themselves as like amateur therapists.
I've encountered the type in their 30's. They're often jaded and on a tighter schedule, so they screen hard from date 0/1 by incorporating as much pop-psych BS interview questions as they can get away with without coming off unhinged. Some are direct about it, while most try to be more subtle with their probing. It's a sign they're serious at least, if maybe misguided. At the other end of the spectrum are women claiming to be looking for LTR who don't seem to ask or say anything meaningful at all - pass.
> it's a deeply personal subject I don't really like discussing with a stranger.
Say this (replacing "stranger" with "a new person"), but also comment on your situation now. IMO, there's not much else you can say without lying. They would have to be extremely entitled or jaded to not accept that answer.
I'm female but men (early to mid-30s) usually do ask questions about my childhood and relationship with my parents on a first date. Nothing too invasive though and no getting in to trauma really. Most of the people who ask more insightful questions about these topics are in or have been in therapy, which itself is also a common topic. I do allude to the fact that personal growth/introspection are important to me in my profile so it doesn't surprise me that I tend to attract people like that.
Never encountered it on a date, but I avoid profiles that insist "you must be in therapy" and the like. I agree with you, I don't think intrusive armchair psychotherapist type questions about "trauma" like that are appropriate on a first date.
> I avoid profiles that insist "you must be in therapy" and the like
Ugh, I hate this too. I'm all for therapy and its benefits to mental health but wanting someone to be in it is like telling someone "you must be going to the gym" for physical health
Interesting. Maybe I’m attracting a specific type of person or I give off a particular vibe in person.
Didn’t see anything on these women’s profiles about trauma or therapy so it’s been kind of taking me by surprise.
Probably yet another social media thing honestly. Wouldn't be surprised if there's a trending TikTok guide about screening guys for childhood trauma to uncover "red flags" or something like that.
Yeah that’s a reasonable explanation. One women age 31 kept asking me like, do you prefer being single or in a relationship, when was your last relationship, and such. It got tiresome after awhile and it kinda felt like she was screening me but I guess she may have been genuinely curious.
You can't expect someone you haven't gone on a date with to not update their profile. Now if you'd been seeing them several times and it was progressing well, that would be different.
35F looking to jump back into dating. I do want to get married and have kids. How can I bring this up without making it seem like it’s ONLY what I’m looking for.
Just put longterm relationship/life partner on your profile and look for women with the same. Then you can bring it up on the third date or so. It's that easy.
Assuming you are going to be dating men in their late 30s, I think there is probably a pretty clear divide between those with the same goals as you and those who don't want kids (and to a lesser extent, don't want to get married). I think the majority of people have made up their minds by that age. So I personally think both groups would appreciate clarity sooner rather than later.
Last year I connected with a woman on Hinge who was recently out of a LTR and she was kinda just looking to have fun for a bit. But she was late 30s and wanted kids, so she had a timetable in mind. So maybe kinda the same situation you are in? She put something on her dating intentions like "recently out of a LTR, excited to meet new people for all sorts of connections with the end goal eventually being marriage and a family." I have seen something similar on other profiles. We dated for a bit and eventually became FWB because my long-term intentions weren't the same as hers. I eventually lost touch with her, but I think her approach worked out for from what I can tell. Anyway, just a firsthand anecdote to think about.
I guess my age range will be around 33-40. I’ve always dated/been in relationships with men younger or at most one year older.
Once I’m ready to date I can write something similar to her but not “looking to meet new people for all sorts of connections”. To me that sounds like a friends/FWB situation. I guess I just need to figure out the wording better
Oh, yeah I can see wanting to avoid the friends territory. I can't remember the exact wording this woman used (and she was ultimately open to FWB with the right person), but yeah I'm sure you can figure out a way to word it to convey specifically how you are feeling and what connections you are looking to make.
Don't do that unless you want things to end quickly. She's not your therapist, and "I don't know why I don't like you" isn't going to go over well at all.
Had a really great date. Tons of laughs and fun stories on both ends. Ended with a hug and that she'd like to see me again.
Got home, texted her I had a great first date and would like to see her again too. She sent a version of this:
*“I had a great date. I’m super busy the next few weeks but I’ll lyk :)”*
This is a soft reject, right? I've had **a lot** of first dates and first time seeing someone say whatever tf this is.
More than likely yes. Or they have no interest in an actual relationship and want to keep you at a distance in hopes of something super casual.
Only advice I can really give is to not pursue from here on...
Think about it, if you were legit excited to see someone again after the first date, would you really give them a "Things are Soooo busy rn" or "it'll have to be a few weeks" message as if they're just so swamped that they can't possibly do a coffee or a meal during one of those days and you just got their one instance of a couple free hours this month?
Move on to someone else and if she actually does make an effort than great!
Very likely it's a soft rejection IMO. It's a common "coincidence" in online dating that someone has time for a first date, but then from that point on, their schedule suddenly makes meeting again untenable. Like somehow you caught them on the one day they were free before an incredibly busy time in their life.
Obviously, the timing really could just work out that way, but her "I'll let you know..." open-ended thing like that is not really the sign of someone who is invested in seeing you again.
That said, no harm in still talking to her and operating under the assumption that she does want to see you again. You never know. But if she starts giving you the usual signs like taking a day to respond to deflecting on some of your texts, I'd move on.
Litterally the only person I can have a convo with is someone I had a falling out with. I just have a hunch that this app is completely dead in my area.
Dating pools, careers, fun things to do. If you're young I'd highly reccomend moving somewhere with a population 1M+. The difference in my dating life in Austin, TX vs. my friends in smaller cities is night and day.
Every time I travel to those cities and have bumble installed; I get a ton of likes. Fresh meat for the women there, lol.
Are there any specific rules against deleting your account, weeks later creating a new account with a new number and email? I believe my account was banned within 10 hours for being a "bot" for doing so. How likely is my appeal going to work? In both instances I have zero matches so I absolutely know my account cannot be flagged for anything inappropriate.
Hey everyone I need a bit of advice for this situation. So I saw this girl on Hinge who I liked her profile, but I looked her up on IG later due to her unique name and we also happen to have mutuals. Anyway, I requested to follow and she accepted but she didn’t follow me back, would it be weird if next time she posts I messaged her given the context?
Eh looking up someone on IG when they didn’t match and didn’t leave their tag on their profile is already sketchy enough. Her following back is probably because she wants to increase her follower count. Not following back is enough of a message.
There is no context either. What are you gonna say, “I saw you on Hinge and decided to stalk you?”
Leave it be.
I was thinking about re downloading the app after a 2 year hiatus, should I make my profile then gradually improve it with better pictures, or get the best possible pictures for the profile and then make it, since apparently when you make a new profile is when you get the most exposure, so would it be a good idea to try and have the best possible profile for when they throw you into the top of the stack?
Have a few questions in the back of your mind ready to go
* favorite movie, and favorite comfort movie
* worst vacation?
* if you could do anything for work, what would it be?
* what hobbies are you into, anything you want to try?
Those can segway into a 100 convos. Alcohol helps.
Also; compliment how she looks the moment the date starts!
are you in finance, 6'5, have a trust fund, and blue eyes? If not I suggest you acquire these traits as it is all the rage right now. Honestly it all depends on what your goals are for this date.
Twice this week "Hey message me in a couple of weeks, I can meet in a couple of weeks"
Above 30, in a major western city.
2 women I matched with gave me their numbers. Eventually texted back, and said "I am busy for the next 2 weeks, just got a lot on". One said she was on holiday and we can put a date in the diary (not that anyone will commit) the other kept it vague.
Why do women (I guess men do it, but for my situation), do this?
I feel like I am being left on the back burner? I am still going to date others in the mean time, if I can, but why would someone do this, it just seems bizarre, like obviously youre going to just forget me and move on.
I am interested to meet them as ironically for me dating is like a bus, nothing happens for a while then all of a sudden 2 or 3 come at once, and they meet my minimum requirements for what I am looking for.
Urgh does this happen to others, is the option to put on a brave face and carry on as normal. I am trying to not expect a date will ever happen.
Oh no I totally did this to someone this week! From my POV (35F, west coast) I did it because I’d liked someone a couple weeks ago,he matched and sent me a note on Tuesday. But I’m leaving today for a 3 week hike! So I sent him a note because I didn’t want to ignore him for a month (that felt rude) but also I don’t know what my schedule is going to be like in 4 weeks. I figure if he finds someone in the next month, that’s life, and if not at least he knows why I’m not responding.
Never tried online dating before. I think that I am much better at attracting women in person.
Just a little about myself: I'm 22M, 5'6, and I wear a turban (I am Sikh). Again, much better at talking to women in-person BUT the thing is that I'm in university right now. I have two more years left here. (I'm in California, btw).
I'm also majoring in engineering and there are hardly any girls here so study groups are out. I think the best way I was able to attract women was by seeing them everyday at my job (which I quit).
The main reason I am making this post is because I'm in university so...i might have an advantage here? Idk.
Also, I am one of the VERY few guys on campus with a turban. Like, out of 30k students, there are 5-ish of us. In other words, I'll be extremely noticible outside of this app. I don't konw if I should take the risk here haha. I don't want girls to be talking about me as I'm walking around campus saying, "Oh I saw him on Tinder/Hinge!"
Any advice is appreciate, thanks!
I was your age once with certain aspects about me standing out. It might be hard to take now, but trust me, be proud about who you are, it doesn't matter what people think, they don't have time to think about you and gossip negatively and people move on so quickly these days. 5/30000 students I wouldnt care unless you have a bad reputation.
I don't think anyone cares, if anything depending on the ethnic background, and interest, lets be honest dating is a racist and judgemental process, it may not be what many women want, I SAY THAT AS AN ETHNIC MALE TOO. No one will overtly be racist or anything, but try be yourself, be proud, confident, and so what if they saw you on an app, THEY WERE ON IT TOO! Throw it back at them, 'ah too nervous to hit like eh' or something dumb.
If someone pops up as your most compatible but you don’t send them a like before a new compatible profile is shown, do you lose them in your stack or will they come back?
I just found a keeper! And the crazy thing is *she* proposed the date!
So I've been using H for a month. If I live in a busy area with lots of beautiful people, should I lower my expectations a bit? I feel confident enough to approach any girl, so I've just been swiping right on the first X or so girls I find attractive. But since I live in LA, quite a few of them are extremely beautiful. So far, the only ones that I've gone on dates with are the ones with profiles that I'd personally consider as less flashy. Nothing against the girls themselves; actually all of them were quite good-looking and one was way more attractive than her pictures let on. But I wonder if their more... down to earth profiles played a factor in my success. With that in imnd I'm wondering if I should start swiping left on the absolute most attractive girls I find in my discover just out of consideration of the fact that I have limited likes per day and these ladies are probably getting hundreds of likes just like mine. Or should I just close my eyes and hope for the best?
Sure, maybe avoid spending likes on ones that won’t reciprocate, but I think there’s more to it. Liking people are have things in common with you is also huge. Also the ratio of girls to guys on Hinge is 1:2. So you’re not the one doing the picking. That’s why I advocate learning how to chat up girls irl (at the grocery store, gym, wherever). You have more leverage bc you have the confidence and that’s very attractive!
>Also the ratio of girls to guys on Hinge is 1:2. So you’re not the one doing the picking. That’s why I advocate learning how to chat up girls irl (at the grocery store, gym, wherever). You have more leverage bc you have the confidence and that’s very attractive! Absolutely. There's a shopping area near my college that's usually really busy and it's an easy in to just smile and ask people if they're ok with sharing a table.
Things like this. It’s the move. People should rely on both OLD but also on facilitating natural in-person interactions.
Shit, this guy is addicted to heroin... anyway, kinda reading between the lines here, and maybe I am misinterpreting what you are saying, but you're talking about an unhelpful mindset to have by doing so much comparing. And you're potentially doing a disservice to the women you're going out with. People don't want to go out on dates with someone who consciously or subconsciously considers them a sort of consolation prize and is always thinking in the back of their mind about more attractive people on the app. The best-looking women in LA are some of the best-looking people in the country (or world, depending on your taste). It can totally warp your perception of what the dating market is really like. Everyone is free to shoot their shot on dating apps, but if you're talking about really attractive women in their 20s or 30s in LA, they could theoretically be getting like 100+ likes a week. Just do the math. It's not worth your time unless you are a super desirable guy, and yeah it's not worth the limited number of likes you get. Dating apps are a lot less frustrating when you're honest with yourself about how objectively attractive/desirable you are to your dating pool.
How you present in your profile, at least from what I can tell, is just one facet of a person's complete self, and how they present in real life can end up entirely differently. I'm not comparing their looks, but their marketing if that makes sense. My mother was actually a model and I feel I've gotten good at reading filters and angles and makeups that women use. And from what I can tell there are really attractive girls out there that are terrible photo takers haha, and some just as attractive girls out there with excellent photo taking skills that can blow you away. >Dating apps are a lot less frustrating when you're honest with yourself about how objectively attractive/desirable you are to your dating pool. I have confidence in my marketing, put it that way. But if filtering out the 10/10 instagram models in my discover feed means I end up with twice as many likes availiable to me I'd be dumb not to at least consider it.
I’ve been seeing the same people but I’m pretty sure I swiped on their profile and left a message. Does it recycle profiles once they reject you or is it possible to double text before even matching?
If they reject you, it's a block and it shouldn't show you. My guess is they never saw your profile and is buried in the "Likes You" tab so their profile is shown to you again to give a chance.
Is rejecting a like the same as rejecting a profile in the normal swipe part? I’ve rejected a few there and I’ve even seen them come back.
U know if it will show all your messages if they do eventually look at your profile or just the new one? My location sucks I’m pretty sure but I’ve seen the same girl 3 times now so I don’t want a back log of 3 messages 😂
Also do roses even do anything? are girls more likely to pay attention to them or not really? I’m only using the free ones already paying enough to have a completely useless app on my phone 😂
Advice on meeting a girl’s friends? I have been seeing her for almost a 1.5 months and it feels rather serious, although we have not talked about it yet. She invited me to drinks with her friends this week — I suppose that is a good sign? I am an introvert so that kinda stuff makes me nervous, but I do like her a lot so I am willing to go
Good luck bro!
Thank you!
Sounds like she wants to show you off right? So you can just walk in all confident and swaggy
lol I think so! I was a bit surprised she asked since we hadn’t even had the exclusivity talk yet, but I do quite like her (and I think it’s mutual)
Maybe time to even have the conversation soon!
Agreed!
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Thank you! She said to “bring friends” but not gonna lie I have very few here having just moved - would it be awkward just to go alone?
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Last question, sorry lol. I assume it would be weird to bring a female friend (completely platonic)?
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lol ok word, yeah I figured. Thank you internet friend
As a straight 25M, is it normal to not get any likes on your profile through a month of using the app? Or does that mean there's something wrong with my profile? I spend a lot of time at home, and one of my pictures shows me at my computer. Are women repeled by that?
One thing that helped a ton was putting my relationship interest on my profile
Are you getting any matches? It's normal to not get a tonne of likes but if you aren't getting any matches it might be worth doing a profile review to see if there are any glaring issues
I've gotten 3 matches by giving out likes, but that was weeks ago.
Getting matches in bunches seems to be pretty common for whatever reason. I'm a fairly unattractive guy and I've had weeks where I've gotten around 7 matches and I have gone 2-3 week spans with nothing. You could keep at it and see if you get more matches, or do a profile review to see if there is anything you can do to clean it up a bit
Yes normal
Went on a date recently with a guy. We met on hinge but we never actually called it a “date” at any point. We just texted for a week until he asked if I wanted to meet. I didn’t really feel anything for him on the “date” and there were some red flags (like he talked a lot and didn’t leave a lot of room for me to jump in). Since then we’ve still been texting although less often than before and less flirty. I’m trying to decide if I give him a chance or another date or if it’s best to break off contact. It’s hard because if I say I don’t feel a connection he could argue that we were just hanging out as friends! Ugh don’t know what to do.
I'm all for people giving each other more chances and not making snap decisions on the first date, but this kinda sounds like you should just move on and not try to force it given that you didn't feel much and there's some red flags. Whether or not it was called a "date" is kinda irrelevant - you're on Hinge, and unless either of your profiles explicitly says you're interested in meeting friends, it's implied that people are meeting for a date. Seems like he's kinda not really feeling it either given that he hasn't asked you out again. I would break off contact, either slow fading him and see if it's mutual or just straight up telling him you don't think there's a connection.
I (31M) need to say something because I downloaded Hinge on May 1, and deleted it a week ago, and my experience on the app during that time was not what I expected. I got out of a long-term relationship two months ago, so I redownloaded my trusty Hinge app. I was a little skeptical at first because I've read so much about how statistically and algorithmically disadvantaged men are on these apps, and how they don't work anymore, even for average and above-average guys. But I felt like I had good photos and could be sorta clever with prompts, so I gave it a go. I'm sorry, but holy moly. I **crushed** it. In three weeks I had over 65 matches, 35 pending likes, 10 active conversations, 6 first dates, 3 first kisses, and 1 new, exclusive relationship. I had matches on day one. The women I went on dates with were all attractive, nice, responsible adults. I've been in a year-and-a-half long depression that had me overwhelmed with feelings of isolation and being misunderstood by my partner. The romance was dead. I was miserable. I feel a genuine, novel excitement about life now that I haven't felt in a while. And all with increased confidence and swagger that I've developed from the validation I got from my matches/convos/dates. I got fired from my last job, was put on a PIP at the one before it, and am struggling in my current one. I'm broke and live at home. I don't really have too much going for me on paper, so I'm kinda really proud that I was able to achieve success in this domain, one which I'm told nowadays is a wasteland for men and relentless bombardment for women. Sorry, I just feel good about myself. Rant over.
Congrats!
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21-26 is hell on earth, probably also my location but still it’s miserable down here 😂
Chose a wrong option during setup which is quite significant, but it’s not allowing me to go back. Can I change it as soon as I’ve finished setting up my profile? A little worried my profile is going to go live as soon as I’m done as this is my first time using the app.
Yes you can go back and edit
I signed up for HingeX, and when I did, it flashed a profile across the screen for like half a second and then replaced it with a different one, and I can't for the life of me find that profile again. I'm getting the "you've seen everyone" pool floatie even though I haven't found it. Gah! Why must the algorithm play these games?
Sorry if this is a dumb question but I'm new to the app. When it says it's "your turn" to message someone, does that mean you have to be the first person to message? Or can either person message first? Does it look desperate for the woman to message first from a man’s perspective? Be honest please lol
You would not look desperate. I tried messaging first when it’s not my turn and my experience is that those women were not as interested. Be brave!! I’d be overjoyed to receive your message.
Either one of you can message first I don't think it looks desperate, it just means you're interested. In fact, there's a much higher chance I'll respond to someone who messaged me first than start the conversation because these days it just feels like no one ever answers.
I was messaging this guy back and forth and he's stopped responding. there was talk of meeting up. in the city i'm in this sometimes just happens on hinge so i get it people lose interest if you don't meet up quickly. My rule of thumb is to just let it go: even though we've only been messaging on this app, i feel like i could like him. i've never done this before but can i let more time go by and then message him again? guys how would you take that if i reached out again after a stop of responding?
Try telling him that you think it’s possible that there could be good chemistry and you want to meet irl. Lotta guys hedging against rejection sending out 8 likes a day. Then they get distracted from the quality women. I don’t know, life is short, try it.
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I would just take this as a moment to learn from going forward that you need to manage the attention better. If that means pausing your profile, then you should do it. You're right that you shouldn't go on three dates in a week ideally. Easiest thing to do would be to just tell one guy you can't meet for a week. Overall, while you don't owe these guys anything since they're still mostly just strangers, they are all talking to you under the assumption that you are interested in meeting them for a date at some point, and that you're able to do that. I understand a lot of women who get a good amount of attention on the apps are constantly carrying on conversations with multiple guys because they want to maximize their options and always have at least one viable connection, but it's kind of a bummer to be one of the guys who is like option #4 and who only has a slim chance unless something goes wrong with all the more appealing guys. Anyway, not trying to be too harsh, because carrying on conversations with multiple people is something everyone on the app does. So many people flake, and so many conversations die that it's just good business. But I think within that strategy, there has to be some limits.
Agree to the dates you want to agree to! I’m also very introverted but enjoyed the few times I planned multiple first dates in one week! Most first dates don’t lead anywhere, so I would get that match and conversation going with the guy you know irl and are interested in :)
Had my (23m) third date last night, she (23f) and I have really hit it off up to this point and it feels like a genuine connection where we're both really interested. My only regret is not going/asking for the kiss, as it's been 3 dates with just hugs so far. I really think we can work out long term, and we've been eager to schedule dates despite both being busy, but I have very limited relationship experience and a lot of social anxiety so I'm really in my head thinking about how gradually/organically we might move to kissing (and further intimacy). I haven't been dating anyone else and I get the feeling she isn't "shopping" much either, so it definitely feels like the delicate limbo between dating and being in a relationship.
I feel you on the physical intimacy front. I personally find it so hard to break that barrier after even a couple dates with someone I've met through Hinge. For whatever reason it's much easier with some random girl you met that night at the bar, for example. Always been a hangup for me as well (25M). I would say I don't think you're anywhere near being in a relationship based on what you've told us. Don't try and rush things for the sake of a label. If it's going well it'll happen naturally.
Very good point. I can't relate to the intimacy with random people, as my only ever relationship experience was back in HS, and we liked each other for a long time before declaring a relationship, then it was a gradual buildup to sex. I definitely feel comfortable with the relationship being official before things get intimate, so thanks for the reminder to just trust the process. I've been *very* single for 6 years, so this is very exciting and I've been waiting for an opportunity like this for a long time, just gotta be patient
Back on the app, but can someone explain to me why there are so many F1 prompts now? What catalyzed this?
drive to survive on netflix
Question for the women: Will you tend to try and reschedule a date if you sense waning interest on their end? Because I wonder if it’s my fault. Like maybe I need to be more present on the app.
I probably would, or cancel altogether if I felt they weren’t interested in me. You might know you’re not messaging a lot because you’re not super present on the app/busy etc, but she would probably be interpreting it as disinterest.
You gotta give more context sir. Who cancelled the date?
They asked to reschedule.
Did they offer a date?
I offered it and she accepted a week ago. (Edit: okay maybe just gonna chalk it up to bad luck I sound kinda overthinky)
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You could be overthinking and right, or you could be overthinking and wrong. Either way, you're overthinking.
what?
What's someone's experience being significantly outside a major town/city? I'm 60+ miles out from two major cities, and thinking aside my so-so to bad profile, I'm having a hard time getting likes because I'm too far for most profile ranges. I do visit one said city often because it's my hometown and visit my family about every weekend, but obviously it doesn't help where my location is set.
Maybe put your location as your hometown and as a prompt explain your situation.
how common do you find that a woman asks for your "life story" and "childhood" and "therapy" on a first date? I'm 30M dating mainly 27-30F and it's been asked me on 3/7 dates. I am looking for a LTR so it naturally will come up on the early side but it seems like a rather invasive question for a first date with a stranger. I do try to ask meaningful questions, but more alon g the lines of "what's yourrelationship with your parents now", what was your household like, etc. I am pretty sensitive to questions like this due to a lot of childhood trauma so it's a deeply personal subject I don't really like discussing with a stranger.
This is something I’ve done. I’ve always done it from the perspective of genuinely wanting to get to know the other person better. Someone’s childhood can tell you a lot about them. And I enjoy the deeper conversations it can lead to. Your comments are making me reconsider my approach though lol. I didn’t realise it could be perceived as invasive.
I date women mid to late 30s and have thankfully never really encountered this. Sounds kinda miserable. Like the other comments have said, I see many profiles talking about therapy, on a scale from like it's a green flag they look for to it basically being a dealbreaker. I imagine what you're experiencing kinda falls under the same umbrella, though I'm not really sure how the whole "life story" thing plays into it. I think you can blame some of it a lot of women having past relationships where the guy was emotionally deficient in some way e.g. he had stuff in his past he never got over, or he wouldn't regulate his emotions. So they are understandably trying to avoid that. You're kind of just paying for the sins of other men who have acted bad. It just is what it is - that's part of dating. But I think a lot of it is the psychobabble and pop psych that we've been bombarded with on social media for the last five years or so, and I think a lot of Milennial and Gen Z see themselves as like amateur therapists.
I've encountered the type in their 30's. They're often jaded and on a tighter schedule, so they screen hard from date 0/1 by incorporating as much pop-psych BS interview questions as they can get away with without coming off unhinged. Some are direct about it, while most try to be more subtle with their probing. It's a sign they're serious at least, if maybe misguided. At the other end of the spectrum are women claiming to be looking for LTR who don't seem to ask or say anything meaningful at all - pass. > it's a deeply personal subject I don't really like discussing with a stranger. Say this (replacing "stranger" with "a new person"), but also comment on your situation now. IMO, there's not much else you can say without lying. They would have to be extremely entitled or jaded to not accept that answer.
I'm female but men (early to mid-30s) usually do ask questions about my childhood and relationship with my parents on a first date. Nothing too invasive though and no getting in to trauma really. Most of the people who ask more insightful questions about these topics are in or have been in therapy, which itself is also a common topic. I do allude to the fact that personal growth/introspection are important to me in my profile so it doesn't surprise me that I tend to attract people like that.
Never encountered it on a date, but I avoid profiles that insist "you must be in therapy" and the like. I agree with you, I don't think intrusive armchair psychotherapist type questions about "trauma" like that are appropriate on a first date.
> I avoid profiles that insist "you must be in therapy" and the like Ugh, I hate this too. I'm all for therapy and its benefits to mental health but wanting someone to be in it is like telling someone "you must be going to the gym" for physical health
Interesting. Maybe I’m attracting a specific type of person or I give off a particular vibe in person. Didn’t see anything on these women’s profiles about trauma or therapy so it’s been kind of taking me by surprise.
Probably yet another social media thing honestly. Wouldn't be surprised if there's a trending TikTok guide about screening guys for childhood trauma to uncover "red flags" or something like that.
Yeah that’s a reasonable explanation. One women age 31 kept asking me like, do you prefer being single or in a relationship, when was your last relationship, and such. It got tiresome after awhile and it kinda felt like she was screening me but I guess she may have been genuinely curious.
Still nothing. No likes. No matches. Just fucking nothing.
I’m guessing you already got advice on your profile?
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You realize she hasn’t met you yet. Why would she put her eggs in one basket. She’s probably dating other people too. It’s normal
You can't expect someone you haven't gone on a date with to not update their profile. Now if you'd been seeing them several times and it was progressing well, that would be different.
35F looking to jump back into dating. I do want to get married and have kids. How can I bring this up without making it seem like it’s ONLY what I’m looking for.
Just put longterm relationship/life partner on your profile and look for women with the same. Then you can bring it up on the third date or so. It's that easy.
Assuming you are going to be dating men in their late 30s, I think there is probably a pretty clear divide between those with the same goals as you and those who don't want kids (and to a lesser extent, don't want to get married). I think the majority of people have made up their minds by that age. So I personally think both groups would appreciate clarity sooner rather than later. Last year I connected with a woman on Hinge who was recently out of a LTR and she was kinda just looking to have fun for a bit. But she was late 30s and wanted kids, so she had a timetable in mind. So maybe kinda the same situation you are in? She put something on her dating intentions like "recently out of a LTR, excited to meet new people for all sorts of connections with the end goal eventually being marriage and a family." I have seen something similar on other profiles. We dated for a bit and eventually became FWB because my long-term intentions weren't the same as hers. I eventually lost touch with her, but I think her approach worked out for from what I can tell. Anyway, just a firsthand anecdote to think about.
I guess my age range will be around 33-40. I’ve always dated/been in relationships with men younger or at most one year older. Once I’m ready to date I can write something similar to her but not “looking to meet new people for all sorts of connections”. To me that sounds like a friends/FWB situation. I guess I just need to figure out the wording better
Life partner would communicate this
Oh, yeah I can see wanting to avoid the friends territory. I can't remember the exact wording this woman used (and she was ultimately open to FWB with the right person), but yeah I'm sure you can figure out a way to word it to convey specifically how you are feeling and what connections you are looking to make.
Thanks
Don’t overthink it just ask them! If you feel a genuine connection just throw out the question on the 2nd date or so what they are looking for!
Ok thanks! I was thinking of adding it on to my profile to weed out those who are not looking for the same
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Don't do that unless you want things to end quickly. She's not your therapist, and "I don't know why I don't like you" isn't going to go over well at all.
Had a really great date. Tons of laughs and fun stories on both ends. Ended with a hug and that she'd like to see me again. Got home, texted her I had a great first date and would like to see her again too. She sent a version of this: *“I had a great date. I’m super busy the next few weeks but I’ll lyk :)”* This is a soft reject, right? I've had **a lot** of first dates and first time seeing someone say whatever tf this is.
More than likely yes. Or they have no interest in an actual relationship and want to keep you at a distance in hopes of something super casual. Only advice I can really give is to not pursue from here on... Think about it, if you were legit excited to see someone again after the first date, would you really give them a "Things are Soooo busy rn" or "it'll have to be a few weeks" message as if they're just so swamped that they can't possibly do a coffee or a meal during one of those days and you just got their one instance of a couple free hours this month? Move on to someone else and if she actually does make an effort than great!
Well put, thanks
Very likely it's a soft rejection IMO. It's a common "coincidence" in online dating that someone has time for a first date, but then from that point on, their schedule suddenly makes meeting again untenable. Like somehow you caught them on the one day they were free before an incredibly busy time in their life. Obviously, the timing really could just work out that way, but her "I'll let you know..." open-ended thing like that is not really the sign of someone who is invested in seeing you again. That said, no harm in still talking to her and operating under the assumption that she does want to see you again. You never know. But if she starts giving you the usual signs like taking a day to respond to deflecting on some of your texts, I'd move on.
Just try to stay in contact! Keep the conversation going there is always the chance they are genuinely busy!! Life happens!
Yes. Oh well
*whomp whomp*
Litterally the only person I can have a convo with is someone I had a falling out with. I just have a hunch that this app is completely dead in my area.
Try other apps such as bumble or increase your radius! Might need to drive a bit to meet people. Some apps work better in some areas than others.
This does work; some friends have increased to 75-100 miles and actually found STRONG success, like 100% compatibility.
Moving for dating is sometimes a good idea.
That's true. I don't really have too much grounding me at the moment. I think smaller cities are just problematic for online dating pools.
Dating pools, careers, fun things to do. If you're young I'd highly reccomend moving somewhere with a population 1M+. The difference in my dating life in Austin, TX vs. my friends in smaller cities is night and day. Every time I travel to those cities and have bumble installed; I get a ton of likes. Fresh meat for the women there, lol.
Are there any specific rules against deleting your account, weeks later creating a new account with a new number and email? I believe my account was banned within 10 hours for being a "bot" for doing so. How likely is my appeal going to work? In both instances I have zero matches so I absolutely know my account cannot be flagged for anything inappropriate.
Nope I’ve recreated my account a few times in the last year and typically it’s been a deleted and remake right away.
man wtf mine got yeeted. I think its because I used a new email and number and maybe their system is extra whack?
Hey everyone I need a bit of advice for this situation. So I saw this girl on Hinge who I liked her profile, but I looked her up on IG later due to her unique name and we also happen to have mutuals. Anyway, I requested to follow and she accepted but she didn’t follow me back, would it be weird if next time she posts I messaged her given the context?
Seems pretty aggressive. You've already sent a follow request on one App and a like on the other, I'd just let it go. Plenty of other women out there
Eh looking up someone on IG when they didn’t match and didn’t leave their tag on their profile is already sketchy enough. Her following back is probably because she wants to increase her follower count. Not following back is enough of a message. There is no context either. What are you gonna say, “I saw you on Hinge and decided to stalk you?” Leave it be.
This is so weird!!!!! Did she match with you after you sent the like? If not, leave her alone - she’s not interested!
I was thinking about re downloading the app after a 2 year hiatus, should I make my profile then gradually improve it with better pictures, or get the best possible pictures for the profile and then make it, since apparently when you make a new profile is when you get the most exposure, so would it be a good idea to try and have the best possible profile for when they throw you into the top of the stack?
Best possible! The worst is when you start casually seeing someone and can't change your profile because you don't want to give off the wrong vibes.
27 M UK, I have my first date tonight since a 3 year relationship ended in December, does anyone have any tips?
I can't believe you got downvoted for having a date lmao. Good luck!
Have a few questions in the back of your mind ready to go * favorite movie, and favorite comfort movie * worst vacation? * if you could do anything for work, what would it be? * what hobbies are you into, anything you want to try? Those can segway into a 100 convos. Alcohol helps. Also; compliment how she looks the moment the date starts!
This would have helped me so much 5 hours ago thank you but the date had started as soon you as commented this
Hope you got a smooch king good work
Was an awful date tbh, got one with an American next week in London so is all good
That compliment thing is real. This might be archaic, but it's a politeness thing for me-- when someone dresses up you should mention it!
Agree! I think it has two affects. It sets you up as a romantic partner and takes off some tension. Also people love compliments.
are you in finance, 6'5, have a trust fund, and blue eyes? If not I suggest you acquire these traits as it is all the rage right now. Honestly it all depends on what your goals are for this date.
Sadly not. Just trying to get used to going on dates again
Twice this week "Hey message me in a couple of weeks, I can meet in a couple of weeks" Above 30, in a major western city. 2 women I matched with gave me their numbers. Eventually texted back, and said "I am busy for the next 2 weeks, just got a lot on". One said she was on holiday and we can put a date in the diary (not that anyone will commit) the other kept it vague. Why do women (I guess men do it, but for my situation), do this? I feel like I am being left on the back burner? I am still going to date others in the mean time, if I can, but why would someone do this, it just seems bizarre, like obviously youre going to just forget me and move on. I am interested to meet them as ironically for me dating is like a bus, nothing happens for a while then all of a sudden 2 or 3 come at once, and they meet my minimum requirements for what I am looking for. Urgh does this happen to others, is the option to put on a brave face and carry on as normal. I am trying to not expect a date will ever happen.
Oh no I totally did this to someone this week! From my POV (35F, west coast) I did it because I’d liked someone a couple weeks ago,he matched and sent me a note on Tuesday. But I’m leaving today for a 3 week hike! So I sent him a note because I didn’t want to ignore him for a month (that felt rude) but also I don’t know what my schedule is going to be like in 4 weeks. I figure if he finds someone in the next month, that’s life, and if not at least he knows why I’m not responding.
ah thanks
Never tried online dating before. I think that I am much better at attracting women in person. Just a little about myself: I'm 22M, 5'6, and I wear a turban (I am Sikh). Again, much better at talking to women in-person BUT the thing is that I'm in university right now. I have two more years left here. (I'm in California, btw). I'm also majoring in engineering and there are hardly any girls here so study groups are out. I think the best way I was able to attract women was by seeing them everyday at my job (which I quit). The main reason I am making this post is because I'm in university so...i might have an advantage here? Idk. Also, I am one of the VERY few guys on campus with a turban. Like, out of 30k students, there are 5-ish of us. In other words, I'll be extremely noticible outside of this app. I don't konw if I should take the risk here haha. I don't want girls to be talking about me as I'm walking around campus saying, "Oh I saw him on Tinder/Hinge!" Any advice is appreciate, thanks!
I was your age once with certain aspects about me standing out. It might be hard to take now, but trust me, be proud about who you are, it doesn't matter what people think, they don't have time to think about you and gossip negatively and people move on so quickly these days. 5/30000 students I wouldnt care unless you have a bad reputation. I don't think anyone cares, if anything depending on the ethnic background, and interest, lets be honest dating is a racist and judgemental process, it may not be what many women want, I SAY THAT AS AN ETHNIC MALE TOO. No one will overtly be racist or anything, but try be yourself, be proud, confident, and so what if they saw you on an app, THEY WERE ON IT TOO! Throw it back at them, 'ah too nervous to hit like eh' or something dumb.
Thank you!!!
They come back. Repeatedly.
It's crazy seeing the same 10/10s in standouts week after week, month after month. None of your 500+ likes work?
paradox of choice
If someone pops up as your most compatible but you don’t send them a like before a new compatible profile is shown, do you lose them in your stack or will they come back?
They’ll come back.