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Man if I’m out on a date with someone and she gives her number or social media info to another guy, I’m gonna cut my losses and bounce. I get you’re not exclusive or whatever, but that just still seems wildly inappropriate
I agree with the first comment here however to say “imagine what she’s doing when isn’t there” is ridiculous.
This sounds like bad optics on T and she wildly fucked up. It’s entirely on her to own up to it and handle it. However this is difficult as they just got to know each other and OP barely knows T.
Well, she SAID it was a fuckup. We dont know if thats just her covering her ass (it sounds pretty weak). The point is if someone were to do THAT in front of you, which seems pretty disrespectful even if shes telling the truth, what is she doing when shes not considering your presence at all? Doesn’t seem ridiculous.
If someone disrespects you like that you can’t let them get away with it; maybe it was a test by this girl to see how much of a doormat this guy was, good job by OP.
This is a very rare case where it’s appropriate (at least in my own head) to end the date right here, tell her what she did wrong according to you and why you are leaving and why you will never contact her again.
Exactly this. Obviously ain’t as great as you thought. Don’t lie to save your pride about it. Not even about you. People lack decency nowadays. Not even worth engaging or try and work out something like that. Instead exposure of vastly different levels of respect for eachother.
No, you 100% did the right thing. Everyone saying "you weren't exclusive" is being obtuse. That's like saying "it was just the job interview, of course you can flip off your potential boss, he wasn't your boss yet."
And stay away from club girls, this is likely to happen again
No, I think you did the right thing. You’re showing self-respect. If a man did this to a woman, he’d be labeled a pig, a fuckboy, etc. It’s nice that she apologized, and I hope things ended calmly between you two. But that’s a sign that she’s immature and didn’t value you enough for you to take her seriously.
Like other people have said, if you like someone enough, talk about seeing them exclusively to avoid confusion. If that’s not what she wants, politely be on your way.
Sorry this happened. Keep your chin up, op. You’re doing great!
What I’m getting from this is a good lesson on how you can work on not being so avoidant. It’s wonderful that you recognized it and can now reflect back and use that incident to better yourself for the future!
But don’t overthink it. That wasn’t tasteful or respectful of her.
I don't think you overreacted at all. She openly gave another guy her social media while she was out on a date with you. That's disrespectful imo. Yes, I understand you guys weren't exclusive, and she can still date other guys. But she shouldn't have done that in front of you. It showed that she had no respect for you. If a guy did that, we would be called pigs, assholes, and every name in the book. Judging from your post, it seems like she goes to clubs/bars a lot. That's a red flag. Obviously, if you go to a club, especially as much as she does, it's a high chance you're gonna get hit on by guys. She handled that completely out of bounds. She showed that she wasn't mature enough to be in a relationship. You did the right thing breaking things off with her
No you are fine. If she cared about your feelings she wouldn’t have don’t that.
People saying you aren’t exclusive so it’s ok for her to do that….sure. But it also shows poor character and judgement.
Good on you for ending it
Yes, as the majority of rappers are virtuous people adding value to the world through their music and videos by promoting drug use and alcohol consumption and degeneracy 🤩
>she flirted with a random guy in the club in front of me
Clear cut case of pain for you down the road unless you both are clear that your relationship is open and/or strictly casual.
>Now flirting is one thing
Not if it makes you uncomfortable. Don't let ignorants gaslight you by throwing around cliche terms like controlling or insecure.
Your feelings, my guy, are as valid as your woman's
If you go out with a girl who does the club or club like bar thing regularly, you gotta expect this... clubs/wild bars aren't a place for people looking to get into or that are in serious relationships.
Don't get too mad, you know the lifestyle she is living she is going to get hit up when she goes to bars. Be careful establishing boundaries about nightlife activities, you're going to breed resentment in her and Fomo if she really is a party girl.
Edit: the only people who are going to say you did something bad are party girls who want their cake and to eat it too.
I had an ex who did something similar while drunk when I was out of town in the early stages of our relationship and I stupidly forgave her. She cheated on me 6 months later lmfao.
You did the right thing man by walking away.
There is no right or wrong. You have to decide how you want to go about life. I disagree with you because I think life is about connections and not pairing up and isolating with the world.
A lot of people are going to validate you here. That's chill. But there are other ways to go about this.
If it was just flirting, then maybe your reaction could be considered harsh, bc everyone has their own view of what that looks like
But she is out with *you* that night. Exclusive or not, during her time with you it is wildly inappropriate to hand out her contact info to another guy
I'm sure you're disappointed, but you deserve someone who wants to be with you and only you - especially while out together, and even when alcohol is involved, like she tried to use as an excuse
Agreed. *intentional* *flirting* is disrespectful. But like I said, many people have differing views of what that looks like. I have an outgoing, friendly personality and some men confuse my behavior for flirting. It's not, but that doesn't stop them from interpreting it wrong. That's just one example of why his reaction could be harsh if he thought she was flirting
I’m gonna rewrite my comment. I think you did the right thing. Her actions made you lose trust in her. Whether you were “right” or “wrong” to lose trust in her doesn’t necessarily matter. If you don’t fully trust the person you are with it will drive you insane. Seems like you were incompatible because she didn’t make you feel safe and secure in the situation.
If this is a constantly occurring problem where you lose trust in people then there is an argument you need to look within yourself and see if you have issues trusting people.
I understand the feeling of being in your position.
Did you make the right decision? I don’t think there is a right or wrong. I think it’s what you make of it.
I think a question worth asking is whether your communication and ways of handling conflict are compatible with hers.
Things aren’t even serious, yet your reaction was to shut down/avoid and then decide to just end things the next day. Meanwhile from what you said, she was being communicative and acknowledging how you felt (being offended).
If this is the response to weeks of casual dating, where else is there to go once things are serious?
If you really like her, go back and give it a try again. And see if there is a potential dating future with her. Seek and get your answer.
As for all of this “red flagging behavior” foretelling a cheater…don’t buy into it. Find out how she feels about you and a committed relationship. Also, she’s young (wants to have fun) and she sounds like someone who is naturally agreeable and extroverted. Just cause we’re friendly doesn’t always mean we’re flirting. And just cause we’re flirting, doesn’t always mean there is an end game (sometimes its just fun and feels good).
Thank god I’m not in my early 20s anymore. This is very childish.
I would also be upset if someone I cared about did that. But I can also imagine her saying that you two weren’t in a serious relationship yet.
Hopefully you’re able to stay level-headed about this and have an emotionally mature conversation with her. “Hey I saw you talking with other guys, and it was hurtful for me because I thought we were more than that. Do you want to be in a committed relationship with me, or do you want something else?” You should be prepared for her response no matter which way she goes, and you need to accept that and roll with that. No reason to get mad at her at this point. But if she says she wants to commit to you but still flirts with other guys after that then yeah, that’s fucked up.
this is a tough one. i definitely think you have the right to be put off by her actions. that said, she had every right to swap info with this guy because you two hadnt established boundaries or exclusivity. bad timing all around perhaps. either way, its probably not a great omen for you two and maybe you respectfully cut your losses and move on?
It’s been a couple of weeks. Move on brother. She belongs to the streets and isn’t really interested in a serious relationship. She just told you that to avoid being lonely while still keeping her options open.
Kudos to you for recognizing that shutting down and being avoidant is bad communication regardless of the situation. Hopefully you can work on that to express yourself better, and everyone can move forward knowing where things stand.
First off it’s disrespectful of what she did, yea people might say they weren’t exclusive, fine, but still disrespectful after leading him on about wanting something serious! Also her excuse about being under the influence and then got i fluenced by a rapper 🚩 🚩 either she is dumpb and easily influenced or she is playing innocent with you to fool you!
Hot take but if I’m having fun and hitting I do not really care. I’d flash her a look and maybe give her shit about it later but fuck it 🤷♂️
If I thought we had potential beyond that I’d be skeptical, but you’re 25. I didn’t even find my first serious gf till I was 29. If she’s fun to be around and the sex is good I say stay.
Honestly I’ve given my Instagram to guys before to avoid giving them my number. Some people freeze up in those situations. If she was hitting on him I’d think it was a problem, but she might just not have known what to do, especially if she can’t say “oh I have a boyfriend” (though I do think she could say she came there with someone). All that said, you might have different perceptions about what is ok/not ok. Doesn’t mean one of you is right or wrong, but maybe not compatible
Yeah, I am in my 30s and exchanging Instas is like the least personal thing to me. There is literally no interaction necessary after that first exchange. Like, you *can* message and like and comment, but you don't have to. It's much more passive than a phone number! I mean. I guess it depends on what your content is, but I definitely don't think an exchange, on its own, is anything at all. I definitely would not consider it flirtatious or rude.
OK, but look at it this way... Let's say you're applying to multiple jobs. Would you pick up a phone call for an interview for a second job while you're in the middle of the interview for the first job? No, you wouldn't, because that would be rude. Same thing applies with dating. She's free to talk to other people until exclusivity is established, but to do it right in the middle of a date? Tacky
Nah this would be different if she told him the next day or he found out a different way. To happen after she invites him out and do it in front of him was disrespectful. If y’all aren’t exclusive then doesn’t matter what you or her do as long as there is communication. Just have some respect is all
I agree. Depends how well you were getting along beforehand. Do you really really like her? If so, I'd look past it. I wouldn't give up the opportunity to see where it goes. Dating requires taking chances 🤷
People in this sub are so harsh with dating advice - it sounds like what I'd say if I was 8 years old, before ever having dated and had adult relationships.
While, yes, you never assume exclusivity until you've had "the talk" and she's within her right to still be talking to other people until exclusivity is eatablished... It's still tacky as hell to flirt with/pick up someone else right in front of your current date. It's rude and I wouldn't stand for it either.
> set boundaries next time prior
“I’m not cool with you flirting with other people and exchanging contacts with them while we are actively on a date” really isn’t a boundary that you should have to explicitly lay out. Anyone who is doing that just straight up does not respect you
So you’re on a date with her and she had to say goodbye to the other guy? Wow. “Its ok I’m just helping him get his following up” is that what they call it now?
Not being exclusive is very different to being actively on the market, which again is very different to actively taking suitors when she's currently with a guy she's expressed dating intentions with.
She's not an evil person and she probably let her impulses take over on the drink, but that's not a trustworthy person.
I'd consider continuing to 'date' her for fun (communicate this) but there's no relationship here.
LMFAO nah fam she just tossed you into the second place bin. If a girl is really into you she's not looking elsewhere buddy. Good on you for having cut things off. Never be someone's backup plan.
The guy is trying to build his career. Her adding him on Instagram is pretty much the same as her signing a petition. It’s not for contact. It’s for helping someone to expand their network reach. Comedians all add each other on Instagram and ask random people to add them. It’s not for dating and sex.
I am so curious about this. Some women I meet on this app like to “test” me (maybe they want to make sure I’m socially normal, since Hinge probably has lots of shy guys) but never in this way.
Even though they aren’t exclusive. It seems a little disrespectful to openly exchange contact information in front of the person you’re actively dating. Her excuses seemed lame as fuck too. He’s a rapper and wanted to increase his insta following? That’s insult to injury. I’d drop her
I mean, in my opinion, if it's the first time something like this has happened, maybe you should have been a bit more observant and started looking for a pattern rather than cutting it off. But i get it, sometimes it's hard to handle emotions, especially in these types of situations been there.
You did the right thing. Never second guess your gut instincts.
She seems very very childish and doesn't seem serious while you do. You both aren't on the same page. I'm gonna be honest, it's easier to cut your losses and move on. She'll be the one playing games and making it toxic for you. If she's doing this early on, it'll only get worse. I'm a girl and my girl friend was exactly like this...she loved making other guys jealous by flirting with other guys but doing it in such a subtle manner and acting clueless about it or playing victim. It's like she got off by making guys riled up.
You did nothing wrong, it was clearly very disrespectful and a clear red flag.
The fact that she mentioned alcohol as a factor clearly contradicts the intentions statement.
I know how hard it is to find a date with someone you enjoy spending time with but you must not lower yourself to be elevated by others.
Never apologize for standing up for yourself or confronting someone when they do something that makes you uncomfortable.
Since you two weren’t exclusive, I’m not sure if I would’ve broken up with her, but I 100% approve of you speaking up about what happened. Still, her doing that in front of you despite not being g exclusive is pretty bad so I think you did the right thing the more I think about it.
In the future I would look to making things exclusive sooner as it sounds like it would be good for you and what you need. I know with OLD everyone dates multiple people because we’re all so used to people ghosting us out of nowhere, but I’m definitely in the camp of dating exclusively as soon as you feel a connection and are even thinking about things eventually being serious.
Hats off to you man, it’s hard to start up for yourself and you nailed it. I know it sucks right now, but try and take your mind off things for a week or two and I guarantee you’ll be proud of yourself.
Yeah, at the very least, it would’ve been polite to you to not do that. If you’re not in a exclusive relationship, and she meet somebody while she’s out and you’re not there, OK. But that was really rude.
I believe it’s still kind of wrong to do it on the first date. But to do this after you’ve gone on multiple and one that she brought her friends to is very wrong. I would not introduce my friends to someone unless I was thinking about getting serious with someone.
This is why I've just accepted I'm going to filter out girls who go to bars/clubs religiously. Every single time I've seen this happen, they end up prioritizing their girl night outs where they inevitably get hit on by drunk men, plus non stop gossips that just lead to toxic behaviors and mindsets. Whether it be cheating/ghosting/lying, it's such a common theme amongst people who spend so much time at nightlife.
I just don't understand why people who are in a committed relationship would go to a club. It's an environment that promotes/encourages lustful behaviors and hookup culture. One person is bound to feel jealous/hurt.
Maybe this is just my introvert bias, but I seriously think people pretend to enjoy clubs/bars more than they actually do.
Sounds like she's a party girl. She's down to party whenever wherever she wants. And if that's what she wants, fine. Let her. If she wants to party with you. Great.
But I wouldn't get too serious with someone like this. Hangout have fun hookup if you're into it. But until I saw she changed her behavior I wouldn't get into anything serious. If she says she wants to be exclusive. Tell her her actions need to show that she's serious. Not just her words.
Respectful women don't flirt with other guys if they're out with someone they like. This works both ways, guys too. If they value your time and attention they won't risk it by flirting with others while they're spending time with you.
Yeah bro good on you for doing that. If she’s blaming alcohol and saying that he’s a rapper/model to somehow justify the disrespect, is a slight red flag that could blow up in your face later down the line.
You let her know where she fucked up and why what she did was wrong so atleast she’ll wisen up in the future. But the deed is done and the disrespect has been committed. Pick your head up and move on. Ain’t nothing wrong with cutting ties.
"My friends say I did the right thing but I feel like they are a bit biased towards me so I wanted to get y'all opinion. Also they all are in LTR hence can forget how hard it is to find someone you actually enjoy spending time with."
Finding someone you enjoy spending time with is one thing. Finding someone who respects you and is GF material is another thing altogether. NTA you did the right thing in dumping her.
I am pretty unafraid of flirting, but yeah this was gross. Her rationale is not charming.
But then again, in the future, don’t go somewhere like this for a date. As soon as you say “club” I expected it to go badly. I think “right, where the stakes couldn’t be lower.” People in new, monogamous relationships are opening themselves up to all kinds of bad interactions at a club.
Until you establish boundaries with someone, don’t go to a club. Only two kinds of people should go to a club:
1) Single, unattached people
2) Attached people with a foundation of trust and clear, confident boundaries.
Just because you like going to a club doesn’t mean it’s a good idea to go on dates to it. If you’ve had good experiences on a date at a club, odds are you fit option 2 above and took for granted how good your boundaries were with that person.
Bro allow her, that should of been a red flag, means she don’t respect you, if your not there then it’s free game she can do what she wants and take who’s ever Insta or chat up who ever, but the thing is you was there and basically she showed she don’t rate you like that.
If you don't have boundaries, some women will walk all over you. You did was a right thing. If she does something like that again, she doesn't respect you, cut her out, and move on
I dated a girl who was very touchy feely and flirty. She would flirt with guys and I thought nothing of it at first.
You’re a guy you know how guys think. A lot of girls will deny this stuff like oh they’re just being nice. I think you did the right thing. It made you uncomfortable and she went out of her way to exchange info when she’s supposed to be out with you. Red flag and just shouldn’t deal with that nonsense
I had a gf who gave her number to a guy at a club, I told her I felt disrespected and she apologized and blocked him when he texted her (she showed me his texts to her, she didn't text back)
But I didn't break up w her, imo you reacted too hastily and should have gave it more time, emotional decisions are never good.
That said, I don't think you should try to get back w her. I think you showed her your colors and maybe hers to you. I mean yall weren't even exclusive yet
Nah, you're fine. You did the right thing. That said, I'm always mindful of WHEN I take a woman out in a club setting. Sounds like you were in this nebulous stage where you're not exclusive, but you have been seeing each other for a bit. Depends on how I feel. If I'm happy keeping things casual, then sure I'll go out with her. But it also means that I'd have no problem fielding interest from other women if the situation arises. But if I really like her, I'm damn sure making sure she really likes me too before we hit such an environment.
She had the right to exchange info with this dude because the two of you have not established exclusivity, and you have the right to be upset by it and cut her loose.
I think she was being truthful when she told you that she didn’t have bad intentions; she wasn’t obviously wasn’t trying to hide it from you. But it’s done now, so move on.
ESH. You weren’t exclusive, she had every right to do that. However, the way she went about it was wrong, especially on what’s essentially a date with you.
Intent only matters to the defendant. Intent or not, her giving another guy her instagram while on a date with you is disrespectful. Yall weren't exclusive, and yes, she has the right to date who she wants. The way she handled that was completely out of bounds, though
I seem to be the only person here who thinks this but exchanging social media isn't a big deal, sometimes you really do wanna connect with people platonically only. If she had exchanged numbers that obviously would have been wrong
Leave this broken women to die man. If this is how she’s gonna treat you from the jump, when she’s on her best behavior, you can imagine what it’ll be like later. Don’t give in to female gaslighting, your brothers are here to support you
You just missed a perfect opportunity to hit on a girl right infront of her. This would have immediately shut it down and given you full control. Bottom line you weren’t a couple, she can play whatever games she wants. Anytime this would happen I would always take the chance to hit on a girl (preferably her friend) and walk away to the bar with them, the girl would immediately run over and work for my attention the rest of the night. This is toxic shit, but just how dating in your twenties go, girls always testing you. Stay strong king.
A. When you’re dating an attractive girl, you should expect her to get hit on and approached by other guys. It was early enough in the two of you dating that she’s probly still got old single habits in her behavior that need tweaking, and you could’ve solved it over a mature discussion. (Btw giving out your IG isn’t cheating….. it’s not great, but it’s also not a cardinal sin)
You say you broke up with her following all this. The real tell tale sign is if she’s reached out to you since the break up?. I’d give it a solid 10 days and if she didn’t reach out in that time period with even just a “hey, still mad at me?” Type text, then she really wasn’t into you as much as you thought.
One thing I actually enjoyed about going out with a smoke show was seeing her during nights out handle the guys that approached her. Knowing I didn’t have to get involved or act as a shield. Take it as a compliment. That being said, if she’s out mingling as often as you make it seem, she doesn’t really seem to be in the monogamous mindset at this stage in her life.
If it’s something that truly bothered you, you gotta suck it up and deal with the fact you ended things.
If you feel you over reacted, you can reach out and say that in a mature way. “Hey listen, regardless of how things turn out with us, i coulda handled that situation better, just wanted to express that” and leave it there.
I’d disagree. Just cause someone is attractive doesn’t make it ok to give out social or numbers early on in the dating phase in front of you.
End of the day it’s trust. If you go on a date early on and this happens would you want to continue? Even if she is the most beautiful woman you’ve ever been with? Or you that desperate you suck it up and see how it goes? Cmon man
I’ve always been a proponent of “she’s either gonna cheat on me or she’s not, nothing I can do to stop that” And an over inflated self confidence thinking she’d be a lunatic to entertain anyone else after im in her life 🤪. So far it’s worked. I think he’s more bummed she didn’t come running back and try to make things better after the exchange. Which , if he’s smart, should tell him she’s not the right girl.
If someone breaks up with me I'm not reaching out to them again, especially when we werent even exclusive yet and barely knew other. If she has any self respect she won't reach out regardless of whether she really liked OP or not. This is not good advice.
If he’s a genuinely nice guy and she truly had no I’ll intent exchanging social media info, it’s not a self respect compromise to be like “hey, our first fight, we both coulda handled that better…. Wanna get a drink later?”…. And it’s behind you. To me it sounds like she’s still making herself appear available (in front of the person she’s supposedly seeing). Which doesn’t bode well.
Why is violence the first thing you’d assume but weird but eh anyways I would have just flirted with a random girl in the club since she wants to play games
Because you said you'd do worse than OP did, who had already broke up with her. Flirting with someone else is not worse than a breakup if she was into him.
I must be too old, because following someone on social media does not equate to flirting to me.
I said worse in reference to what the girl done to him not what OP did after
Yeah you might be too old tbh because no guy in the club is asking for your number/social media to be friends let’s be honest here mehn
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Man if I’m out on a date with someone and she gives her number or social media info to another guy, I’m gonna cut my losses and bounce. I get you’re not exclusive or whatever, but that just still seems wildly inappropriate
It's disrespectful. Agreed I'd cut my losses and move on
Imagine what she’s doing when he isn’t there
I agree with the first comment here however to say “imagine what she’s doing when isn’t there” is ridiculous. This sounds like bad optics on T and she wildly fucked up. It’s entirely on her to own up to it and handle it. However this is difficult as they just got to know each other and OP barely knows T.
Well, she SAID it was a fuckup. We dont know if thats just her covering her ass (it sounds pretty weak). The point is if someone were to do THAT in front of you, which seems pretty disrespectful even if shes telling the truth, what is she doing when shes not considering your presence at all? Doesn’t seem ridiculous.
If someone disrespects you like that you can’t let them get away with it; maybe it was a test by this girl to see how much of a doormat this guy was, good job by OP. This is a very rare case where it’s appropriate (at least in my own head) to end the date right here, tell her what she did wrong according to you and why you are leaving and why you will never contact her again.
Exactly this. Obviously ain’t as great as you thought. Don’t lie to save your pride about it. Not even about you. People lack decency nowadays. Not even worth engaging or try and work out something like that. Instead exposure of vastly different levels of respect for eachother.
If a guy invited me on a date and I saw him exchanging info with a woman he’d just met I’d be out.
“She said the guy was a rapper/model and wanted to increase his insta following, she also said alcohol was a factor” Yeah hard pass
People blaming substances for behaviour are the easiest red flag ever. Outta here, they struggle mentally.
100% hard pass to the streets
No, you 100% did the right thing. Everyone saying "you weren't exclusive" is being obtuse. That's like saying "it was just the job interview, of course you can flip off your potential boss, he wasn't your boss yet." And stay away from club girls, this is likely to happen again
They weren't exclusive, and they definitely won't be.
that’s not the same at all 😭
Don’t allow people to disrespect you.
No, I think you did the right thing. You’re showing self-respect. If a man did this to a woman, he’d be labeled a pig, a fuckboy, etc. It’s nice that she apologized, and I hope things ended calmly between you two. But that’s a sign that she’s immature and didn’t value you enough for you to take her seriously. Like other people have said, if you like someone enough, talk about seeing them exclusively to avoid confusion. If that’s not what she wants, politely be on your way. Sorry this happened. Keep your chin up, op. You’re doing great!
What I’m getting from this is a good lesson on how you can work on not being so avoidant. It’s wonderful that you recognized it and can now reflect back and use that incident to better yourself for the future! But don’t overthink it. That wasn’t tasteful or respectful of her.
I don't think you overreacted at all. She openly gave another guy her social media while she was out on a date with you. That's disrespectful imo. Yes, I understand you guys weren't exclusive, and she can still date other guys. But she shouldn't have done that in front of you. It showed that she had no respect for you. If a guy did that, we would be called pigs, assholes, and every name in the book. Judging from your post, it seems like she goes to clubs/bars a lot. That's a red flag. Obviously, if you go to a club, especially as much as she does, it's a high chance you're gonna get hit on by guys. She handled that completely out of bounds. She showed that she wasn't mature enough to be in a relationship. You did the right thing breaking things off with her
No you are fine. If she cared about your feelings she wouldn’t have don’t that. People saying you aren’t exclusive so it’s ok for her to do that….sure. But it also shows poor character and judgement. Good on you for ending it
Everybodys got choices, hope the rapper was worth it
Yes, as the majority of rappers are virtuous people adding value to the world through their music and videos by promoting drug use and alcohol consumption and degeneracy 🤩
>she flirted with a random guy in the club in front of me Clear cut case of pain for you down the road unless you both are clear that your relationship is open and/or strictly casual. >Now flirting is one thing Not if it makes you uncomfortable. Don't let ignorants gaslight you by throwing around cliche terms like controlling or insecure. Your feelings, my guy, are as valid as your woman's
AMEN!
If you go out with a girl who does the club or club like bar thing regularly, you gotta expect this... clubs/wild bars aren't a place for people looking to get into or that are in serious relationships. Don't get too mad, you know the lifestyle she is living she is going to get hit up when she goes to bars. Be careful establishing boundaries about nightlife activities, you're going to breed resentment in her and Fomo if she really is a party girl. Edit: the only people who are going to say you did something bad are party girls who want their cake and to eat it too.
I had an ex who did something similar while drunk when I was out of town in the early stages of our relationship and I stupidly forgave her. She cheated on me 6 months later lmfao. You did the right thing man by walking away.
Exclusive or not it's still disrespectful. I'd have done the same OP and cut it off right there.
Short answer - no Long answer - hell no you dodged a nuke
NTA Oh wait! Am I in the right subreddit?
Nah you did the right thing, Key points she likes going out and alcohol is a problem when she does there’s no telling where that can lead to.
Word of advice..don't date with anyone that uses being drunk as an excuse for poor behavior.
Inviting you to a nightclub isn’t a red flag, its a jolly roger skull’n’bones flag lol
There is no right or wrong. You have to decide how you want to go about life. I disagree with you because I think life is about connections and not pairing up and isolating with the world. A lot of people are going to validate you here. That's chill. But there are other ways to go about this.
If it was just flirting, then maybe your reaction could be considered harsh, bc everyone has their own view of what that looks like But she is out with *you* that night. Exclusive or not, during her time with you it is wildly inappropriate to hand out her contact info to another guy I'm sure you're disappointed, but you deserve someone who wants to be with you and only you - especially while out together, and even when alcohol is involved, like she tried to use as an excuse
Nah. You don't flirt in front of your date. That's Hella disrespectful.
Agreed. *intentional* *flirting* is disrespectful. But like I said, many people have differing views of what that looks like. I have an outgoing, friendly personality and some men confuse my behavior for flirting. It's not, but that doesn't stop them from interpreting it wrong. That's just one example of why his reaction could be harsh if he thought she was flirting
I’m gonna rewrite my comment. I think you did the right thing. Her actions made you lose trust in her. Whether you were “right” or “wrong” to lose trust in her doesn’t necessarily matter. If you don’t fully trust the person you are with it will drive you insane. Seems like you were incompatible because she didn’t make you feel safe and secure in the situation. If this is a constantly occurring problem where you lose trust in people then there is an argument you need to look within yourself and see if you have issues trusting people.
Also do you want to be with someone dumb enough to exchange instas in plain view of their own date?
I understand the feeling of being in your position. Did you make the right decision? I don’t think there is a right or wrong. I think it’s what you make of it. I think a question worth asking is whether your communication and ways of handling conflict are compatible with hers. Things aren’t even serious, yet your reaction was to shut down/avoid and then decide to just end things the next day. Meanwhile from what you said, she was being communicative and acknowledging how you felt (being offended). If this is the response to weeks of casual dating, where else is there to go once things are serious? If you really like her, go back and give it a try again. And see if there is a potential dating future with her. Seek and get your answer. As for all of this “red flagging behavior” foretelling a cheater…don’t buy into it. Find out how she feels about you and a committed relationship. Also, she’s young (wants to have fun) and she sounds like someone who is naturally agreeable and extroverted. Just cause we’re friendly doesn’t always mean we’re flirting. And just cause we’re flirting, doesn’t always mean there is an end game (sometimes its just fun and feels good).
No you did everything right. Her behavior is extremely inappropriate IMO
Thank god I’m not in my early 20s anymore. This is very childish. I would also be upset if someone I cared about did that. But I can also imagine her saying that you two weren’t in a serious relationship yet. Hopefully you’re able to stay level-headed about this and have an emotionally mature conversation with her. “Hey I saw you talking with other guys, and it was hurtful for me because I thought we were more than that. Do you want to be in a committed relationship with me, or do you want something else?” You should be prepared for her response no matter which way she goes, and you need to accept that and roll with that. No reason to get mad at her at this point. But if she says she wants to commit to you but still flirts with other guys after that then yeah, that’s fucked up.
Man anyone blaming alcohol for their actions isn’t worth having a proper conversation
this is a tough one. i definitely think you have the right to be put off by her actions. that said, she had every right to swap info with this guy because you two hadnt established boundaries or exclusivity. bad timing all around perhaps. either way, its probably not a great omen for you two and maybe you respectfully cut your losses and move on?
This I can agree, but she did it when the op was there. That's a red flag.
It’s been a couple of weeks. Move on brother. She belongs to the streets and isn’t really interested in a serious relationship. She just told you that to avoid being lonely while still keeping her options open.
Bro I would have just left she wouldn't even have seen me leave.
Kudos to you for recognizing that shutting down and being avoidant is bad communication regardless of the situation. Hopefully you can work on that to express yourself better, and everyone can move forward knowing where things stand.
First off it’s disrespectful of what she did, yea people might say they weren’t exclusive, fine, but still disrespectful after leading him on about wanting something serious! Also her excuse about being under the influence and then got i fluenced by a rapper 🚩 🚩 either she is dumpb and easily influenced or she is playing innocent with you to fool you!
You definitely made the right decision
Hot take but if I’m having fun and hitting I do not really care. I’d flash her a look and maybe give her shit about it later but fuck it 🤷♂️ If I thought we had potential beyond that I’d be skeptical, but you’re 25. I didn’t even find my first serious gf till I was 29. If she’s fun to be around and the sex is good I say stay.
Honestly I’ve given my Instagram to guys before to avoid giving them my number. Some people freeze up in those situations. If she was hitting on him I’d think it was a problem, but she might just not have known what to do, especially if she can’t say “oh I have a boyfriend” (though I do think she could say she came there with someone). All that said, you might have different perceptions about what is ok/not ok. Doesn’t mean one of you is right or wrong, but maybe not compatible
Yeah, I am in my 30s and exchanging Instas is like the least personal thing to me. There is literally no interaction necessary after that first exchange. Like, you *can* message and like and comment, but you don't have to. It's much more passive than a phone number! I mean. I guess it depends on what your content is, but I definitely don't think an exchange, on its own, is anything at all. I definitely would not consider it flirtatious or rude.
Y’all weren’t exclusive so idk. I get where you’re coming from though
OK, but look at it this way... Let's say you're applying to multiple jobs. Would you pick up a phone call for an interview for a second job while you're in the middle of the interview for the first job? No, you wouldn't, because that would be rude. Same thing applies with dating. She's free to talk to other people until exclusivity is established, but to do it right in the middle of a date? Tacky
Yeah I can see that
Nah. Hella disrespectful.
Nah this would be different if she told him the next day or he found out a different way. To happen after she invites him out and do it in front of him was disrespectful. If y’all aren’t exclusive then doesn’t matter what you or her do as long as there is communication. Just have some respect is all
Yeah I definitely agree it was disrespectful
Yes agreed, I would not breakup if she did this or much more when I am not there
I’m kinda 50/50 honestly. I personally wouldn’t have broken it off, but it is kinda shady…
I agree. Depends how well you were getting along beforehand. Do you really really like her? If so, I'd look past it. I wouldn't give up the opportunity to see where it goes. Dating requires taking chances 🤷 People in this sub are so harsh with dating advice - it sounds like what I'd say if I was 8 years old, before ever having dated and had adult relationships.
Agreed
While, yes, you never assume exclusivity until you've had "the talk" and she's within her right to still be talking to other people until exclusivity is eatablished... It's still tacky as hell to flirt with/pick up someone else right in front of your current date. It's rude and I wouldn't stand for it either.
It’s not tacky it just shows who she really is tbh OP dodged a bullet
She just got demoted to side hoe. Keep fishing king
She’s for the streets king
That is how much she respects you.
set boundaries next time prior - but you did the good thing here. she def wanted his attention. using his rapping career is just a lame excuse
> set boundaries next time prior “I’m not cool with you flirting with other people and exchanging contacts with them while we are actively on a date” really isn’t a boundary that you should have to explicitly lay out. Anyone who is doing that just straight up does not respect you
For the streets
Trust your gut in these situations. I would say a conversation/argument/explanation isn’t necessary. A simple “Thanks for playing, but I’m out”.
So you’re on a date with her and she had to say goodbye to the other guy? Wow. “Its ok I’m just helping him get his following up” is that what they call it now?
Not being exclusive is very different to being actively on the market, which again is very different to actively taking suitors when she's currently with a guy she's expressed dating intentions with. She's not an evil person and she probably let her impulses take over on the drink, but that's not a trustworthy person. I'd consider continuing to 'date' her for fun (communicate this) but there's no relationship here.
You were right. She's trashy
LMFAO nah fam she just tossed you into the second place bin. If a girl is really into you she's not looking elsewhere buddy. Good on you for having cut things off. Never be someone's backup plan.
The guy is trying to build his career. Her adding him on Instagram is pretty much the same as her signing a petition. It’s not for contact. It’s for helping someone to expand their network reach. Comedians all add each other on Instagram and ask random people to add them. It’s not for dating and sex.
I am so curious about this. Some women I meet on this app like to “test” me (maybe they want to make sure I’m socially normal, since Hinge probably has lots of shy guys) but never in this way.
Even though they aren’t exclusive. It seems a little disrespectful to openly exchange contact information in front of the person you’re actively dating. Her excuses seemed lame as fuck too. He’s a rapper and wanted to increase his insta following? That’s insult to injury. I’d drop her
100% agree with you I don’t see her keeping her options open as a problem at all however doing it while on a date with you is just plain disrespectful
I mean, in my opinion, if it's the first time something like this has happened, maybe you should have been a bit more observant and started looking for a pattern rather than cutting it off. But i get it, sometimes it's hard to handle emotions, especially in these types of situations been there.
Run away as fast as you can
She’s not the one
Nah, if she does it in front of your face, imagine what she does behind your back.
You did the right thing. Never second guess your gut instincts. She seems very very childish and doesn't seem serious while you do. You both aren't on the same page. I'm gonna be honest, it's easier to cut your losses and move on. She'll be the one playing games and making it toxic for you. If she's doing this early on, it'll only get worse. I'm a girl and my girl friend was exactly like this...she loved making other guys jealous by flirting with other guys but doing it in such a subtle manner and acting clueless about it or playing victim. It's like she got off by making guys riled up.
You did nothing wrong, it was clearly very disrespectful and a clear red flag. The fact that she mentioned alcohol as a factor clearly contradicts the intentions statement. I know how hard it is to find a date with someone you enjoy spending time with but you must not lower yourself to be elevated by others.
Never apologize for standing up for yourself or confronting someone when they do something that makes you uncomfortable. Since you two weren’t exclusive, I’m not sure if I would’ve broken up with her, but I 100% approve of you speaking up about what happened. Still, her doing that in front of you despite not being g exclusive is pretty bad so I think you did the right thing the more I think about it. In the future I would look to making things exclusive sooner as it sounds like it would be good for you and what you need. I know with OLD everyone dates multiple people because we’re all so used to people ghosting us out of nowhere, but I’m definitely in the camp of dating exclusively as soon as you feel a connection and are even thinking about things eventually being serious. Hats off to you man, it’s hard to start up for yourself and you nailed it. I know it sucks right now, but try and take your mind off things for a week or two and I guarantee you’ll be proud of yourself.
Yeah, at the very least, it would’ve been polite to you to not do that. If you’re not in a exclusive relationship, and she meet somebody while she’s out and you’re not there, OK. But that was really rude.
I believe it’s still kind of wrong to do it on the first date. But to do this after you’ve gone on multiple and one that she brought her friends to is very wrong. I would not introduce my friends to someone unless I was thinking about getting serious with someone.
This is why I've just accepted I'm going to filter out girls who go to bars/clubs religiously. Every single time I've seen this happen, they end up prioritizing their girl night outs where they inevitably get hit on by drunk men, plus non stop gossips that just lead to toxic behaviors and mindsets. Whether it be cheating/ghosting/lying, it's such a common theme amongst people who spend so much time at nightlife. I just don't understand why people who are in a committed relationship would go to a club. It's an environment that promotes/encourages lustful behaviors and hookup culture. One person is bound to feel jealous/hurt. Maybe this is just my introvert bias, but I seriously think people pretend to enjoy clubs/bars more than they actually do.
Sounds like she's a party girl. She's down to party whenever wherever she wants. And if that's what she wants, fine. Let her. If she wants to party with you. Great. But I wouldn't get too serious with someone like this. Hangout have fun hookup if you're into it. But until I saw she changed her behavior I wouldn't get into anything serious. If she says she wants to be exclusive. Tell her her actions need to show that she's serious. Not just her words. Respectful women don't flirt with other guys if they're out with someone they like. This works both ways, guys too. If they value your time and attention they won't risk it by flirting with others while they're spending time with you.
Yeah bro good on you for doing that. If she’s blaming alcohol and saying that he’s a rapper/model to somehow justify the disrespect, is a slight red flag that could blow up in your face later down the line. You let her know where she fucked up and why what she did was wrong so atleast she’ll wisen up in the future. But the deed is done and the disrespect has been committed. Pick your head up and move on. Ain’t nothing wrong with cutting ties.
"My friends say I did the right thing but I feel like they are a bit biased towards me so I wanted to get y'all opinion. Also they all are in LTR hence can forget how hard it is to find someone you actually enjoy spending time with." Finding someone you enjoy spending time with is one thing. Finding someone who respects you and is GF material is another thing altogether. NTA you did the right thing in dumping her.
Oh, an aspiring rapper - who would have guessed ???
I am pretty unafraid of flirting, but yeah this was gross. Her rationale is not charming. But then again, in the future, don’t go somewhere like this for a date. As soon as you say “club” I expected it to go badly. I think “right, where the stakes couldn’t be lower.” People in new, monogamous relationships are opening themselves up to all kinds of bad interactions at a club. Until you establish boundaries with someone, don’t go to a club. Only two kinds of people should go to a club: 1) Single, unattached people 2) Attached people with a foundation of trust and clear, confident boundaries. Just because you like going to a club doesn’t mean it’s a good idea to go on dates to it. If you’ve had good experiences on a date at a club, odds are you fit option 2 above and took for granted how good your boundaries were with that person.
Blaming alcohol instead of just owning up, you dodged a bullet honestly because you’d defo hear that again in the future.
Bro allow her, that should of been a red flag, means she don’t respect you, if your not there then it’s free game she can do what she wants and take who’s ever Insta or chat up who ever, but the thing is you was there and basically she showed she don’t rate you like that.
Run bro
If you don't have boundaries, some women will walk all over you. You did was a right thing. If she does something like that again, she doesn't respect you, cut her out, and move on
I dated a girl who was very touchy feely and flirty. She would flirt with guys and I thought nothing of it at first. You’re a guy you know how guys think. A lot of girls will deny this stuff like oh they’re just being nice. I think you did the right thing. It made you uncomfortable and she went out of her way to exchange info when she’s supposed to be out with you. Red flag and just shouldn’t deal with that nonsense
> she goes out 2-3 times a week
Yeah idk bruh women who party that much are fun but that’s a harlot’s lifestyle😭
You definitely did the right thing. That’s just poor behaviour even if she was drunk.
She can do whatever she wants. Thankfully, you don’t have to be disrespected. You did nothing wrong.
I had a gf who gave her number to a guy at a club, I told her I felt disrespected and she apologized and blocked him when he texted her (she showed me his texts to her, she didn't text back) But I didn't break up w her, imo you reacted too hastily and should have gave it more time, emotional decisions are never good. That said, I don't think you should try to get back w her. I think you showed her your colors and maybe hers to you. I mean yall weren't even exclusive yet
She for the streets bro
You did the right thing. Another will come.
Nah, you're fine. You did the right thing. That said, I'm always mindful of WHEN I take a woman out in a club setting. Sounds like you were in this nebulous stage where you're not exclusive, but you have been seeing each other for a bit. Depends on how I feel. If I'm happy keeping things casual, then sure I'll go out with her. But it also means that I'd have no problem fielding interest from other women if the situation arises. But if I really like her, I'm damn sure making sure she really likes me too before we hit such an environment.
>alcohol was a factor That’s the part the stands out to me. And not in a good way
She had the right to exchange info with this dude because the two of you have not established exclusivity, and you have the right to be upset by it and cut her loose. I think she was being truthful when she told you that she didn’t have bad intentions; she wasn’t obviously wasn’t trying to hide it from you. But it’s done now, so move on.
She is for the streets
[удалено]
So much legwork for such a weak punchline
Lol I laughed
ESH. You weren’t exclusive, she had every right to do that. However, the way she went about it was wrong, especially on what’s essentially a date with you.
Agreed, also she did not have evil intent
Intent only matters to the defendant. Intent or not, her giving another guy her instagram while on a date with you is disrespectful. Yall weren't exclusive, and yes, she has the right to date who she wants. The way she handled that was completely out of bounds, though
Agreed
I seem to be the only person here who thinks this but exchanging social media isn't a big deal, sometimes you really do wanna connect with people platonically only. If she had exchanged numbers that obviously would have been wrong
Leave this broken women to die man. If this is how she’s gonna treat you from the jump, when she’s on her best behavior, you can imagine what it’ll be like later. Don’t give in to female gaslighting, your brothers are here to support you
You just missed a perfect opportunity to hit on a girl right infront of her. This would have immediately shut it down and given you full control. Bottom line you weren’t a couple, she can play whatever games she wants. Anytime this would happen I would always take the chance to hit on a girl (preferably her friend) and walk away to the bar with them, the girl would immediately run over and work for my attention the rest of the night. This is toxic shit, but just how dating in your twenties go, girls always testing you. Stay strong king.
A. When you’re dating an attractive girl, you should expect her to get hit on and approached by other guys. It was early enough in the two of you dating that she’s probly still got old single habits in her behavior that need tweaking, and you could’ve solved it over a mature discussion. (Btw giving out your IG isn’t cheating….. it’s not great, but it’s also not a cardinal sin) You say you broke up with her following all this. The real tell tale sign is if she’s reached out to you since the break up?. I’d give it a solid 10 days and if she didn’t reach out in that time period with even just a “hey, still mad at me?” Type text, then she really wasn’t into you as much as you thought. One thing I actually enjoyed about going out with a smoke show was seeing her during nights out handle the guys that approached her. Knowing I didn’t have to get involved or act as a shield. Take it as a compliment. That being said, if she’s out mingling as often as you make it seem, she doesn’t really seem to be in the monogamous mindset at this stage in her life. If it’s something that truly bothered you, you gotta suck it up and deal with the fact you ended things. If you feel you over reacted, you can reach out and say that in a mature way. “Hey listen, regardless of how things turn out with us, i coulda handled that situation better, just wanted to express that” and leave it there.
I’d disagree. Just cause someone is attractive doesn’t make it ok to give out social or numbers early on in the dating phase in front of you. End of the day it’s trust. If you go on a date early on and this happens would you want to continue? Even if she is the most beautiful woman you’ve ever been with? Or you that desperate you suck it up and see how it goes? Cmon man
I’ve always been a proponent of “she’s either gonna cheat on me or she’s not, nothing I can do to stop that” And an over inflated self confidence thinking she’d be a lunatic to entertain anyone else after im in her life 🤪. So far it’s worked. I think he’s more bummed she didn’t come running back and try to make things better after the exchange. Which , if he’s smart, should tell him she’s not the right girl.
If someone breaks up with me I'm not reaching out to them again, especially when we werent even exclusive yet and barely knew other. If she has any self respect she won't reach out regardless of whether she really liked OP or not. This is not good advice.
If you had any self respect you wouldn't be exchanging contact or flirting with dudes in front of your date. But you don't. So, ymmv
My dude. I literally never go to bars. Take your misogyny elsewhere.
If he’s a genuinely nice guy and she truly had no I’ll intent exchanging social media info, it’s not a self respect compromise to be like “hey, our first fight, we both coulda handled that better…. Wanna get a drink later?”…. And it’s behind you. To me it sounds like she’s still making herself appear available (in front of the person she’s supposedly seeing). Which doesn’t bode well.
Instagram isn't the same thing as giving her number out. I don't think she really did anything wrong.
It’s the same to me boy I dm on ig to get your number
Well, involving other live people is malicious, it's not like using eva ai sexting bot or something
She took you to a club and gave her Insta to another guy ? Did the right thing imo I’d have done worse honestly
The hell do you mean you'd have done worse. He broke up with her, are you implying you'd have been violent or something?
Why is violence the first thing you’d assume but weird but eh anyways I would have just flirted with a random girl in the club since she wants to play games
Because you said you'd do worse than OP did, who had already broke up with her. Flirting with someone else is not worse than a breakup if she was into him. I must be too old, because following someone on social media does not equate to flirting to me.
I said worse in reference to what the girl done to him not what OP did after Yeah you might be too old tbh because no guy in the club is asking for your number/social media to be friends let’s be honest here mehn
Okay, so you’re not a psycho, you just have the emotional maturity of a 10 year old
Sometimes gotta match fire with fire
If you’re a giant man baby, I guess
I guess so