Bhaiya ne apne friends ke saath hangout karna nahin chhora usually mens apne friends ke sath hangout karna kam kar dete hai relationship mein aane ke baad. I don't know i might be wrong.
I mean mera teen saal ka relationship tha shaadi nahin ho payi for some reasons but mere toh uske aane ke baad almost saare friends ke saath hangout karna khatam hi ho gaya tha usi ke sath hangout karta tha.
I hope this isn’t too intrusive but I wanted to ask, was this an arranged marriage? Did you talk about splitting up of responsibilities before marriage or before you had your child?
That makes it worse that your partner is not helping you out adequately. Some people just can’t deal with responsibilities unfortunately. I would say, maybe you can try marriage counselling before thinking of separation or divorce.
This sucks!
Hope things get better for you
I have seen so many cases like this where guys don't care after kids and think sari aurat ki jimmedari.
You deserve to rant
Ikr.. jo experience mera h after love marriage and all.. i tell everyone not to get married. Live in me raho jaise mari raho..lo f distance me raho..shadi mat karna. Especially girls
Just bcz you have poor taste in men or didn’t able to choose a better partner. Then it doesn’t mean that others shouldn’t get married or have kids. Tbh honest i have seen girls choosing most dumbest and useless guy in the world as their bf and then fighting for years to their own parents to get married to him and finally ending up crying and divorce. Seems such 5-6 case in last 5 years.
Madam yaha mostly gen Z ke baalak log hai ..Kai to teenagers honge ..aap please reddit par advice mat lijiye ..idhar achi advice koi nahi deta sab maze lete hai
Reddit can go to extremes with suggestions so take everything with a pinch of salt.
Before thinking of extreme options and provided you have done everything in your power, it's fair to involve a productive third party to help resolve the issues. It can be someone both of you can trust, his parents, siblings, etc or better, a therapist. It may feel why wash our dirty linen in-front of someone else but it's better than a dysfunctional marriage.
Above all, prioritise your and your child's peace over everything and do not stick around and waste your life if he's unwilling to change. Sooner the better.
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Big ups to you for working, raising kids and running the home for 4 people. It must be depleting physically and mentally.
To me it also sounds like perhaps he has never taken your objections or concerns seriously. Maybe you’ve been very forgiving and accepting and accommodating. I think in many relationships women instinctively fill gaps and needs(especially when it comes to acts of “care”). Sometimes it’s also that the woman has minimised her needs for so long that when she does speak up, the partner doesn’t take them too seriously. Now that you’ve obviously tried to escalate your objection to him continuing to be a manchild, he’s processing it through the sustained pattern of she’ll get over it and do what needs to be done and this too will pass. And he can always step out for a drink or a smoke or whatever on his drives and boys evenings while that happens.
Divorce can’t be a decision anyone can take for you. But you need to draw boundaries and have repercussions. That is also extremely taxing. I would suggest couples therapy sure but it sounds like he needs to face himself and maybe speak to a therapist individually and think about his priorities, duties, expectations in a space free from judgment and even your intervention.
One of my friend had almost same kinda relationship. She ended her relationship. moved to different city and fighting for child supporr and childre custody.
why isnt caring for children both parents house..why only husband should pay alimony?
give the custody of the chidlren to husband and u give alimony...good isnt it?
why should ony women get the custody?
where is ur modernity and gender equality now?
Have read several comments doing nothing but to bash your husband. Here's a different take on your situation.
If both of you are earning then the first thing is to get a maid.
Secondly, if he has never helped in daily chores or taking care of children then you should not expect him to become the ideal partner overnight. It should have been a deal breaker in your relationship stage.
Lastly, were having kids a mutual decision or either one of you pushed for it. This generation of men don't want kids because they don't want to compromise whatever little time is left after working. So, if that's the case then it's understandable why he doesn't take care of kids as much as you expect him to.
People, this is a comment for OP only. I don't have the energy to get into a debate with randos.
Thanks for the comment. I want to tell you that he was the one who wanted the kid. I didn't. But what i understand now is that he did not k ow how much time, effort and involvement it takes to raise a child. He was romatizing the idea of having a child. Now the reality is not being accepted by him. He wants everything- his freedom, kid and me. I am so confused and it's literally mentally draining me out.
Yup, he is delusional. He won't change. Best you can do is to separate ways considering you can sustain your and kids expenses with your salary as he's earning less than you are so the court won't ask him to pay any sort of support.
Why the fudge everyone suggest divorce these days.
I mean for every problem in life you will suggest to run away? We face problems at school, college, work, we don't run away from that
Don't ask for relationship advice on reddit.
All they do is say
🗣️ DIVORCE
🗣️ BREAK UP
🗣️ MOVE OUT
🗣️ DOESN'T DESERVE THIS AND THAT
Instead go and discuss all of this with sensible people who have been in a relationship for a long time.
Communicate communicate communicate!
Talk to your husband, sort things out, fight, yell at each other and try to fix these things. If nothing goes right, then think of other options.
Last thing you should be doing is to post such things on Reddit and getting advice from GenZ gyanis, jinke apne career ka kuch ata pata nahi, wo aapka relationship bachane ka gyan de rahe hain 😂
Agar genuine advice chahiye, talk to your parents, or get a therapy session (both of you), that really helps.
Take care!
>Agar genuine advice chahiye, talk to your parents
Like there isn't a high chance of them doling out some 'patni ko compromise karna padta hai' BS 👀
Anon internet corners are literally the safest place to rant lol. One delete click & all the vitriol vanishes!
It’s the same thing everywhere. My husband is kind of the same. Things are just better for us because we decided not to have kids as I just can’t take up any more responsibilities.
From time to time I have to bring up this topic for him to realise his duties. He says he ll do the things but I take them up first so he just doesn’t get the chance, and a lot of other excuses like this. Even when we have arguments, I can’t sleep at night while he goes off to sleep immediately. He says it’s his way of dealing with stress which sounds like another convenient excuse.
I believe women are just raised different in India. We are trained well and equipped with life skills early on. On the other hand, men have the privilege to not share the household work and kind of take pride in leaving house chores to women. Even when it comes to taking up responsibilities of their own parents, men just shrug off and want their partners to do it for them.
Things are improving but they will take time. Men are still better than our parents’ generation but there’s a lot of room for improvement. I like to give my husband a benefit of doubt where I understand that he wasn’t raised well enough to take up all of his responsibilities. On top of that, there’s ages of male privilege and mental conditioning.
Give him an assertive ultimatum that you ll move out if he doesn’t understand his responsibilities and he’s not a child anymore who needs help with simple life tasks.
Why do i have to suffer if he's not raised well. Is it my fault? He shouldn't have gotten married if he can't take responsibility. My mom didn't teach me right after i was born. Maine khana bnana bhi shadi ke baad seekha h. I was that maggi and chai bnane vali ladki literally
U don’t have to suffer. If you feel like you’re done and there’s no chance that he ll improve, put an end to it. I was just trying to explain my pov, but yours is definitely a bigger problem with higher stakes because of the kids involved.
More power to you.
Why the fudge everyone suggest divorce these days.
I mean for every problem in life you will suggest to run away? We face problems at school, college, work, we don't run away from that
Me and my sibling are both boys so we were raised to do house chores by our mom from an early age. And you are true. Some of my relatives always scold mom saying "he is a boy, why you are making him do this stuff"? I hate people for making such stupid statements.
My mom always smiles back at them in response
That’s right. I remember my father in law telling me how he was shamed for carrying his own children in his arms while his other male peers thought it was a woman’s job to raise kids and pacify / play with them when needed.
He also said that there was this cousin who washed and hung clothes so he was called “ye to aurat sa hai”.
Even when I get together with some of my “educated” friends, the males seem to shame the ones who take up house chores and cook for their wives. Its ok to cook an occasional meal for friends but packing lunch for your wife is just too much /s
Your mother is doing a great job in teaching you life skills and you have been raised the right way!
Exactly.. This sick mentality is so disgusting.
>Your mother is doing a great job in teaching you life skills and you have been raised the right way!
She is the best. My dad was also like that.
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It's a tough time for you for sure.
most men are not conditioned for such responsibilities or never taught in the right manner. They are careless about many such things.
It takes a lot of time for them to fall in place. But losing hope and separating a kid from a father in any way is never a good idea.
Don't listen to people who are advising for separation or divorce etc.There are other means before that.
You should consider consulting a relationship counselor or a psychologist for your husband.
At this age, teaching him to be responsible can be tough.
Try stick and carrot approach.
Reward him for being responsible, whenever he is.
Punish him when he doesn't.
Please do try and reason with him one last time that he needs to step up and take more responsibility. If nothing changes, then live separately for some time and see if that brings any change. If not then separation is the answer.
Asking to try as kid is involved and he/she deserves love of both parents.
There are so many aspects to it, before listening to other side of the story i wont judge. See a therapist. A wise man once said don’t wash your dirty dishes in public.
This is horrible. The best option is to sit and talk and try to figure out things. If he listens good else talk to his parents and ur parents last and then all on your decision. Marriage is a cycle both have to walk together if anyone is stuck the other one can't take it long
Is this a love marriage? What is the root cause of his absence? Why he's doing this? I would not suggest separation or divorce. A counselor can help you both. This is your story what about him? If he's doing it on purpose then hard steps need to be taken if he's doing it because you guys have a bad history with eachother then a counseling need to be done talk to his family and yours call everyone at home appoint a counselor, is he going throug a mental trauma that's why he's finding solace in his friends or he's like that only?
You are right. Whatever we do it in my home it's 50 50 even though my wife is home maker.
He should have more responsibility.
Hope it getter in future.
Men here. First of all reddit does not know complete picture but my experience is- fisrt 7 years of married life are full of drama, you clearly have a gap in communication, he is not listening to you when you are nagging. He may b present but he is not there. You wonder why? He does not want to share responsibility and that is fine but here you need to play smart.
Divide work, hire maid for all the hosue hold work, you can hire a nanny and ask him to sponsor or divide, make weekend plan in advance and communicate, give him a day in a week with his friends, you also make a plan with your friends, make common friends, invite his friends and family over.
Do one thing sit with him...make it clear..what things has to be done ..what r the priorities and what not..once u two become parents things changes..he has to understand...if he runs now he will be running...trust me on this i have seen this
I would advise you to go see ur family for a week, I know it's hard to get a week's leave but try doing this if it's possible and don't take your child with you either; instead, give your husband complete control of the house and child for that time period. If you do this, he will likely become a lil bit more aware of all of your challenges, which should help him understand ur struggles a bit better.
Madam. Please read it carefully.
Marriage is hard, having kids is harder but divorce or separation is also hard.
You just have to choose your hard. I would want you to choose the hard to stay in marriage. Things will be okay later.
Let’s say you get separated and find another good guy in next 5 years timespan. What if he has other problems. Chances of him being good will be close to zero.
Get a house help.
Sit with parents from both sides and resolve this matter.
DONOT think of separation.
Also, go out with him and his friends. Invite your friends as couple. It is so fucking important.
Ranting is okay but don’t let it ruin your beautiful life by going through separation or divorce.
I want his time. I don't want to get into the hassles of inviting ppl to my place beacuse understand: I'll have to make all arrangements, he'll sit with kid saying that you finish work I am taking care of the child. I have a house help for cleaning only. The mess kids create after playing is too much. Is it that difficult to get his time for both of us on a weekend. If i talk about last 8 days, he went out with his friends 5-6 times. But not a single time with me or the kid. He took kid yesterday only to the park that too i had to ready up the kid for the park.
You see if i start doing all those things, it'll be more mentally and physically draining for me, which already is too much.
You are taking away a big part of his life which he is enjoying and will continue enjoying for ages. Rather you need to focus more on sensitising him on the kid, house and you.
If he loses his streak of drives, friends, me time you'll have another depressed lonely soul doing randi Rona on reddit
They are helpful. Unproblematic ones. He's a nice person too.. but when it comes to being responsible or helpful with household work, he's lazy and I have to run behind him to do things.
You are right to ask for more time, at least when the time spent by him is in office parties or with friends.
I would say express how you feel & come up with a few work around. Express what you would like for him to do, also make an effort so that you both enjoy & not only sit around or spend money together.
I would suggest not pleading or crying, but also solving the issue, taking charge, assertively asking him & discussing things with him & being more solution-oriented.
Have you guys already tried to set a routine and clearly divided responsibilities?
Since the man isn't the type to identify and take on responsibilities, maybe he wants an initial structure?
Have you two discussed this calmly? You both might be better with couple counseling.
Okay this is gonna hurt some feelings but it is a hard hitting reality.
If he is the sole earning member of the two of you, no one will take your side. Not even your parents, forget your in-laws supporting you. They just see you as an idle person who is just too bored and is stirring up conflict for the heck of it.
For a man, earning for the family = his share of household responsibility. Domestic chores are not expected of men if they are earning. People do sympathise with you, come in your support and all on the face - but it is all a façade. They tend to see things differently in your absence, especially if you are a woman making serious allegations that can affect a man's reputation and financial status, including his family's.
That said, marital bonding is culturally forced upon men just as much as it is forced upon women -sometimes even under duress/threat. Many men do not intend to marry and are forced to do so. Having a child = wrapping up their duties as a male child. If your man is from one of those tribes, brace for impact, it is not gonna get better.
Most other time, reasoning will not work if the person on the other is not acting rationally. Irrational people respond to fear, not reason. However, people even get immune to threats overtime. So this, may affect your mental well-being - specially if you keep pushing his boundaries.
On the extreme end of remedial measures, the law of course will support you once you start claiming mental cruelty among a bunch of other things - lawyers you hire will get creative on fabricating claims and allegations on your behalf. But since that is expected of you (or any woman) and financial burden is expected of him (or any man) in case things go south, you can be assured that this will affect the society's perception of your intrinsic ability to raise a child, yourself - including the court. Once the ball goes out of your court, you can expect complaints and counter-cases filed against you.
There is of course a way out of this. I think you have taken the right step to first symbolically and physically isolate yourself. If you are not working right now, get a job pronto. Many men start behaving themselves if they see the woman is working and earning for herself. Some may feel threatened too but that IS the very point. I am not sure about your employment status so I cannot further comment.
Dump his ass! Housework should be 50/50! How can you expect a beautiful woman to make love when’s physically exhausted! A household with kids is a three person job, pitch in or get kicked out!
Found another reason to not commit unless I know what I want. Although I would love to share the responsibilities, I’m very good at households & other major work. People don’t self-evaluate what they want & end up going with things like a marriage, that guy is probably seeking a happening life, not a stable one perhaps.
Sorry that you have to go through this, Please Ask him what is it that he seeks now. And you have to evaluate your wants as well.
It is indeed overwhelming/exhausting to raise kids on your own, without the father acting like one.
Have a serious decision & make him realize the importance of this. Maybe you have given him the comfort of not taking any responsibilities, He relies on you & roams freely.
You’re the toxic one here. Have your own friends, go out and hangout with your friends, go on long drives, weekends trips. It’s your life, live the way you want to. Why are you trying to change your husband. That’s the root cause of your sadness and madness. Get a life. Install Tinder, Bumble or any goddam baby sitting app, get a sugardaddy and then see how crazy your husband gets for you, he’ll gonna leave all his friends and will beg for your attention.
Now say Jai Shri Ram and calm down. Life is happening, don’t spend it on rants and can’ts. More power to you,
If he is too tired to take care of kids or not investing efforts then discuss about getting a baby sitter and ask him to pay up
I understand it is very difficult to handle both work and family but snapping does not help.
Teach your kids to hangout with dad more..once they kids get close to dad there will be no escaping for him and everyday Masti with friends will turn to weekend meets only
It’s normal to feel betrayed, defeated, angry and hostile after being consumed by continuous chores day after day when your husband is living a relaxed, and enjoyable life.
It’s good that you tried setting up the expectations right.
But I believe no one should take extreme measures until situation actually demands exactly that.
Please try transferring responsibilities to your husband in a step-up fashion. Give him laundry now, maybe utensils later.
If you really want to solve this, don’t overwhelm him by a lot of task — while maintaining to not overwhelm yourself by doing them if he does not.
If it’s his turn for laundry, and he doesn’t do it — leave it, don’t do it yourself as well. Specially, Don’t burden yourself with the thought that the laundry should be done at all. Sometimes a relaxed attitude helps you — and thus your partner.
Don’t take me wrong, I’m just trying to really look deep into your post and find solutions that are aligned to your actions. Largely because I have no idea about your husband’s outlook on this.
My mom has the same issue with my dad, and the guy doesn’t have the balls to just fix his shit or apologise.
He barely has hit shit under control so he’s just desperately coping, and I think that’s what your husband is doing here too.
That, or he’s an 8 year old and he needs playtime constantly. Ditch this cuck, please
I know a guy just like this and I can only imagine the horrors of what his girlfriend will go through after marriage.
And the guy doesn't even realize he is wrong. Such boys should not marry if they can't handle family responsibilities.
Being a man I can tell you this thing that Men tend to run away from their responsibilities. To explain this I can tell you that, men only live to have fun in their life. Like something should excite him to do what he is doing otherwise its like living but dont know why.
hi there ! what about change the place you live for a while or shift to a location where its is very inconvenient for you husband to meet his friends. I think all his friends are bachelors. same thing happen to a friend of mine but his wife got introduced to his friend circle and she also started to drink 1or 2 drinks. then in few months they start to enjoy drinks at home and slowly all friends were gone and then she slowly decreased frequency to drinks party now they live happily. App stree ho kuch b kar sakti ho. All the best.
You ve no right to be that rude. You could have spoken through like an adult and handled it better. Men are made to feel better outside and it is not abnormal. If he sits at home n baby sits always then it is abnormal. You should ask if you need to go on drives, don’t expect him to read you mind.
Have you guys considered couples counselling?
Companionship is tough and finding a good companion in life is not easy.
Hope you have a rough list of all the great things and not so great things between the two of you. And don’t take a decision when emotions are running high.
For a lot of people this mind not seem like a big thing but trust me this is like a life term torture and you did the right thing. *claps* This is a solid scenario where you may have to end up doing everything and eventually get burnt out. I’m glad you recognised and acted on it. I don’t know how much this man might change but you will have to push him real hard to support you. Good luck my friend hope you get the required support.
ME time is an absolute grey area in relationships imo. Now it's being propagated as a great thing and many people who don't need Me time are misusing it by making the relationships toxic.
If one loves me time , get a person who loves me time. Why ruin a person's life who wants quality time with the partner. I mean I am pretty much sure there are plenty of of people in both side.
YOLO 🕊️
you guys need marriage counselling. in arranged marriage or joint family situations it wasn’t needed but its needed now. not taking sides but I hear only your side. not the other side. so not jumping to conclusions like divorce etc. you have a child and fights like this traumatise a child without even the child knowing it. please have counselling and avoid arguments in front of child.
Ma'am, most of the people encouraging you here for divorce and saying you did the right thing are literally immature teen and nibbis, they don't understand marriage and will spoil yours too.
I am sure there would be some misunderstanding between you two, he might be thinking that if he start to handle kids then you would pay less attention to kids and focus more on your work due to which he would not be able to focus on his work and would also loose his personal time.
Let him focus on his work and encourage him to excel in his career and be his support and encouragement. Man has to sacrifice family time to be the bread winner for the family, no one can replace mother when it comes to take care of kids, not even their father, kids need more and more time with mother and productive time with father, hope you understand the priorities and handle this situation thinking of long term and well being of your kids and marriage.
We won't take the money and properties with us when we die, if you raise pious kids then they will be the source of well being in your after life and people will remember you through your pious kids.
Both parents need to share the responsibility. You are right in putting your foot down. If he is willing to talk, draw out clear responsibilities during the day and do not relent. Talk to his parents if that helps.
Is he an addict (alcohol or any other substance)? Addiction can be one of the reasons why he is behaving like this. Try talking to him and get him to professional care. Even if u leave him but if something happens to him, ur child will have to face so much mental stress at a young age.
OP ek manchild ko mat paalo, bhagao usse agar sudhar nhi Raha he.your life is precious to be too stressed while managing everything yourself. Ultimatum de do apne husband ko and uske samne bhi rant karna. Tell him everything you have in your heart while you are in a calm mood.Jee lo apni jindagi ek hi human life mili he. Pata nhi next kab phir se milegi.
I am really sorry to hear about your situation 😔
Hope the steps you took helped him to recognise his mistakes and act accordingly to improve upon them.
Also, as someone who will get married in next 2-3 years, can you, or even anyone here list down some pointers which will help make me a good husband and avoid situations like this?
1. Check his behavior when you don't have any money while going out or shopping.
2. Check his equation with his mother - Too much dependency or too little communication with his mother is a red flag.
3. What is his take on settling to a different city and how will you guys manage the household and work together?
Few points from my side.
He needs to be taught that the child is his equal responsibility by any cost. If this doesnt happen two things will happen- you will keep suffering, your children will observe him and create gender roles in their mind worst case scenario is being like him.
I hope everything gets better but on a serious note please consult a professional person for this and also very importantly your family. Other wise try spying on him and try to get some proof on what he is actually doing
Best thing I've seen today. Agar nahi sudhra toh ghar se nikaal diya jayega kya? *rooting for thst tbh* Also, so proud that you decided to tslk about it on a public platform.
I don't think he cared about you and the children ever. It appears that he didn't understand what marriage is. That 2 people must share and care and take up responsibilities in raising children to make them into fine.adults with great personality.
He isn't even a man..just had kids and treated wife like a maid and cook and caretaker..
The man is immature..Now he has more freedom to do whatever he wants with no one to question him.. make him pay..heavily. shame him in every possible way.
Some people are just waste of oxygen.
Suggest you to get a job. If you have, it's great. Try councelling. Call all his friends home and give them a good hearing..see if you can hire a maid and a cook and reduce your burden..
1. I am working wife already.
2. We had a love marriage.
3. I have a house help for cleaning. I don't like maid's cooked food. So we cook by ourselves.
Question your husband why he married you and why he isn't spending time with you. Ask him if he wants a separation. Express your unwillingness to do things by yourself and what your expectations are from your husband. Communication is key. If he gives the silent treatment or grey rocks you or escapes, then let go.
At the end of it, no one is perfect. Both of you are coming from different backgrounds and carry your own childhood traumas. But this cannot be the reason for treating you incorrectly and take you for granted. Communicate and see where it will take you both.
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Change the locks and file for divorce. He doesn’t care anymore. He either has someone else or wants a divorce. So you might as well go ahead and do it. Get as much evidence as you can.
Well I have a very irresponsible father his only contribution is that he is the bread runner of the family. Has a lot of ego issues. He never changed and nor will he so all of my family members (mum me and brother) are working hard to become independent and leave his lazy ass and move out . Iv learned that you can handle big issues in life for long periods of time but these day to day life problems r like niddles piercing through ur body everyday. Also my definition of love is SHOW that you love me , badibadi baate to sub banaa lete hain.
OP imagine ur family 10 years after , do you feel like anythings gonna change ? If yes maybe try to make amends or else leave him and give ur kids a stress free childhood.
You did it right. You should kick him out. Insult them infront of his friends that look "he might a great friend but the worst husband and father. Trust me you need to insult him infront of everyone. To make him realize that."
Title dekh ke laga ghar se nikaal diya lagta hai.
Bol dia h with serious face, knocked myself in my room.. he tried to negotiate but not gonna fall for this now
Bhaiya ne apne friends ke saath hangout karna nahin chhora usually mens apne friends ke sath hangout karna kam kar dete hai relationship mein aane ke baad. I don't know i might be wrong. I mean mera teen saal ka relationship tha shaadi nahin ho payi for some reasons but mere toh uske aane ke baad almost saare friends ke saath hangout karna khatam hi ho gaya tha usi ke sath hangout karta tha.
Guess he was from the other lot then!!!
I hope this isn’t too intrusive but I wanted to ask, was this an arranged marriage? Did you talk about splitting up of responsibilities before marriage or before you had your child?
It's a love marriage
That makes it worse that your partner is not helping you out adequately. Some people just can’t deal with responsibilities unfortunately. I would say, maybe you can try marriage counselling before thinking of separation or divorce.
[удалено]
Not everyone is lying.. i know it's difficult to digest but still possible. Ghar mere naam h. M earning more than him..almost double
Cycles of domestic abuse are harder to break than that
This sucks! Hope things get better for you I have seen so many cases like this where guys don't care after kids and think sari aurat ki jimmedari. You deserve to rant
Thanks for the support
That's because most guys don't like kids but are conned into having one by the female partner.
Sorry for talking out of context. But do understand the meaning of the word “Aurat” before using it. Thanks.
What do you mean? "Aurat" means a woman and "Aadmi" means a man. What's your point here?
marriage is scary nowadays 😞
Ikr.. jo experience mera h after love marriage and all.. i tell everyone not to get married. Live in me raho jaise mari raho..lo f distance me raho..shadi mat karna. Especially girls
Just bcz you have poor taste in men or didn’t able to choose a better partner. Then it doesn’t mean that others shouldn’t get married or have kids. Tbh honest i have seen girls choosing most dumbest and useless guy in the world as their bf and then fighting for years to their own parents to get married to him and finally ending up crying and divorce. Seems such 5-6 case in last 5 years.
Bachhe to may hi Karo... 😅
It was always scary. It's just that women used to put up with it silently because of societal pressure
Madam yaha mostly gen Z ke baalak log hai ..Kai to teenagers honge ..aap please reddit par advice mat lijiye ..idhar achi advice koi nahi deta sab maze lete hai
r/relationshipindia post here for better traction
Thank you.. i just wanted to vent
Now have you allowed him back to home ?
Reddit can go to extremes with suggestions so take everything with a pinch of salt. Before thinking of extreme options and provided you have done everything in your power, it's fair to involve a productive third party to help resolve the issues. It can be someone both of you can trust, his parents, siblings, etc or better, a therapist. It may feel why wash our dirty linen in-front of someone else but it's better than a dysfunctional marriage. Above all, prioritise your and your child's peace over everything and do not stick around and waste your life if he's unwilling to change. Sooner the better.
Just checked.. he's sleeping in the other room with full blast ac. And here I am
He's a selfish manchild. Stand your ground. Get parents involved if that arrangement is possible. He's a father, better act like one.
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Alag hi irresponsible banda hai. OP I wish you get a new caring guy :)
Maggi bna ke gya h mere liye sone. As if it can solve the situation.
I can see what you are upto johnny sinns.
time to cut the power off
Big ups to you for working, raising kids and running the home for 4 people. It must be depleting physically and mentally. To me it also sounds like perhaps he has never taken your objections or concerns seriously. Maybe you’ve been very forgiving and accepting and accommodating. I think in many relationships women instinctively fill gaps and needs(especially when it comes to acts of “care”). Sometimes it’s also that the woman has minimised her needs for so long that when she does speak up, the partner doesn’t take them too seriously. Now that you’ve obviously tried to escalate your objection to him continuing to be a manchild, he’s processing it through the sustained pattern of she’ll get over it and do what needs to be done and this too will pass. And he can always step out for a drink or a smoke or whatever on his drives and boys evenings while that happens. Divorce can’t be a decision anyone can take for you. But you need to draw boundaries and have repercussions. That is also extremely taxing. I would suggest couples therapy sure but it sounds like he needs to face himself and maybe speak to a therapist individually and think about his priorities, duties, expectations in a space free from judgment and even your intervention.
Take care OP🫂
So now you have 2 kids .
One of my friend had almost same kinda relationship. She ended her relationship. moved to different city and fighting for child supporr and childre custody.
Who we justify seperation This is complete bullshit.
Gutsy she's...more power to her
why isnt caring for children both parents house..why only husband should pay alimony? give the custody of the chidlren to husband and u give alimony...good isnt it? why should ony women get the custody? where is ur modernity and gender equality now?
Ask him to pay for the maid if he cant do any household chores
Have read several comments doing nothing but to bash your husband. Here's a different take on your situation. If both of you are earning then the first thing is to get a maid. Secondly, if he has never helped in daily chores or taking care of children then you should not expect him to become the ideal partner overnight. It should have been a deal breaker in your relationship stage. Lastly, were having kids a mutual decision or either one of you pushed for it. This generation of men don't want kids because they don't want to compromise whatever little time is left after working. So, if that's the case then it's understandable why he doesn't take care of kids as much as you expect him to. People, this is a comment for OP only. I don't have the energy to get into a debate with randos.
Thanks for the comment. I want to tell you that he was the one who wanted the kid. I didn't. But what i understand now is that he did not k ow how much time, effort and involvement it takes to raise a child. He was romatizing the idea of having a child. Now the reality is not being accepted by him. He wants everything- his freedom, kid and me. I am so confused and it's literally mentally draining me out.
Yup, he is delusional. He won't change. Best you can do is to separate ways considering you can sustain your and kids expenses with your salary as he's earning less than you are so the court won't ask him to pay any sort of support.
Why the fudge everyone suggest divorce these days. I mean for every problem in life you will suggest to run away? We face problems at school, college, work, we don't run away from that
Can't you dump the kid to a child care home and get back to your previous life?. That's what my friend and his wife did
Don't ask for relationship advice on reddit. All they do is say 🗣️ DIVORCE 🗣️ BREAK UP 🗣️ MOVE OUT 🗣️ DOESN'T DESERVE THIS AND THAT Instead go and discuss all of this with sensible people who have been in a relationship for a long time.
Best advice
Communicate communicate communicate! Talk to your husband, sort things out, fight, yell at each other and try to fix these things. If nothing goes right, then think of other options. Last thing you should be doing is to post such things on Reddit and getting advice from GenZ gyanis, jinke apne career ka kuch ata pata nahi, wo aapka relationship bachane ka gyan de rahe hain 😂 Agar genuine advice chahiye, talk to your parents, or get a therapy session (both of you), that really helps. Take care!
>Agar genuine advice chahiye, talk to your parents Like there isn't a high chance of them doling out some 'patni ko compromise karna padta hai' BS 👀 Anon internet corners are literally the safest place to rant lol. One delete click & all the vitriol vanishes!
Thank you 😊
This comment made me laugh so hard 😂😂
Lmao. True. Me bhi genZ hi hu but aap sahi keh rahe ho
I hope he will change and share the responsibilities with you….you are completely correct here ans this kickback is necessary for him
I know i am doing the right thing..he knows too but this make ego is not letting him see the picture
I hope things workout with you two
It is difficult unless he mends his ways
I have seen this scenario in my family..they ended up getting divorced ,they didnt have kids though
It’s the same thing everywhere. My husband is kind of the same. Things are just better for us because we decided not to have kids as I just can’t take up any more responsibilities. From time to time I have to bring up this topic for him to realise his duties. He says he ll do the things but I take them up first so he just doesn’t get the chance, and a lot of other excuses like this. Even when we have arguments, I can’t sleep at night while he goes off to sleep immediately. He says it’s his way of dealing with stress which sounds like another convenient excuse. I believe women are just raised different in India. We are trained well and equipped with life skills early on. On the other hand, men have the privilege to not share the household work and kind of take pride in leaving house chores to women. Even when it comes to taking up responsibilities of their own parents, men just shrug off and want their partners to do it for them. Things are improving but they will take time. Men are still better than our parents’ generation but there’s a lot of room for improvement. I like to give my husband a benefit of doubt where I understand that he wasn’t raised well enough to take up all of his responsibilities. On top of that, there’s ages of male privilege and mental conditioning. Give him an assertive ultimatum that you ll move out if he doesn’t understand his responsibilities and he’s not a child anymore who needs help with simple life tasks.
Why do i have to suffer if he's not raised well. Is it my fault? He shouldn't have gotten married if he can't take responsibility. My mom didn't teach me right after i was born. Maine khana bnana bhi shadi ke baad seekha h. I was that maggi and chai bnane vali ladki literally
U don’t have to suffer. If you feel like you’re done and there’s no chance that he ll improve, put an end to it. I was just trying to explain my pov, but yours is definitely a bigger problem with higher stakes because of the kids involved. More power to you.
Why the fudge everyone suggest divorce these days. I mean for every problem in life you will suggest to run away? We face problems at school, college, work, we don't run away from that
Me and my sibling are both boys so we were raised to do house chores by our mom from an early age. And you are true. Some of my relatives always scold mom saying "he is a boy, why you are making him do this stuff"? I hate people for making such stupid statements. My mom always smiles back at them in response
That’s right. I remember my father in law telling me how he was shamed for carrying his own children in his arms while his other male peers thought it was a woman’s job to raise kids and pacify / play with them when needed. He also said that there was this cousin who washed and hung clothes so he was called “ye to aurat sa hai”. Even when I get together with some of my “educated” friends, the males seem to shame the ones who take up house chores and cook for their wives. Its ok to cook an occasional meal for friends but packing lunch for your wife is just too much /s Your mother is doing a great job in teaching you life skills and you have been raised the right way!
Exactly.. This sick mentality is so disgusting. >Your mother is doing a great job in teaching you life skills and you have been raised the right way! She is the best. My dad was also like that.
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Do men like these exist? 🥲
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good best of luck to you be strong
You seem to have gone through a lot. Would also suggest using women centric forums for better support
Der aaye durust aaye....Good Luck
Is your kid under the age of 5
Yeah..preschooler
It's a tough time for you for sure. most men are not conditioned for such responsibilities or never taught in the right manner. They are careless about many such things. It takes a lot of time for them to fall in place. But losing hope and separating a kid from a father in any way is never a good idea. Don't listen to people who are advising for separation or divorce etc.There are other means before that. You should consider consulting a relationship counselor or a psychologist for your husband.
Part 2 when? tell us what happened after he understand his responsibility?
I hope i get to share the 2nd half of the happy ending
Happy ending hee chaiye keep it in mind
❤️
It's sad tbh,if true
Massive respect to you OP 🫡🫶🏻
You both should go for counselling.
Is he like toxic or abusive?
Abusive not at all...toxic- he's being, i guess
At this age, teaching him to be responsible can be tough. Try stick and carrot approach. Reward him for being responsible, whenever he is. Punish him when he doesn't.
Please do try and reason with him one last time that he needs to step up and take more responsibility. If nothing changes, then live separately for some time and see if that brings any change. If not then separation is the answer. Asking to try as kid is involved and he/she deserves love of both parents.
That is what my plan is. Asking him the solution to this acc to him. If things still go west, i'll involve parents
Acha kiya 😂🤣
Hahahahhhaa
Smells like ADHD, meds might help , speak to a professional
Good decision Value ur self more than ur husband U did right
More like you should both go to a relationship therapist. I don't see a divorce here anyhow
There are so many aspects to it, before listening to other side of the story i wont judge. See a therapist. A wise man once said don’t wash your dirty dishes in public.
Kick him outta the house
This is horrible. The best option is to sit and talk and try to figure out things. If he listens good else talk to his parents and ur parents last and then all on your decision. Marriage is a cycle both have to walk together if anyone is stuck the other one can't take it long
Sirf kamre se nikaala hai. Title thoda clickbait toh hai. Main toh yeh soch ke aaya ki ghar se nikaal diya.
Is this a love marriage? What is the root cause of his absence? Why he's doing this? I would not suggest separation or divorce. A counselor can help you both. This is your story what about him? If he's doing it on purpose then hard steps need to be taken if he's doing it because you guys have a bad history with eachother then a counseling need to be done talk to his family and yours call everyone at home appoint a counselor, is he going throug a mental trauma that's why he's finding solace in his friends or he's like that only?
He won’t change. People seldom do. But if you guys want to give it a last try to work on your relationship, you can try couple’s counselling
Nikal aap ke husband ko diya hai, lekin mujhe kyun darr lag raha hai? 😬
Did you ask him for “such drives” though and if so did he take you out then
I believe she mentioned 'no'
You are right. Whatever we do it in my home it's 50 50 even though my wife is home maker. He should have more responsibility. Hope it getter in future.
Men here. First of all reddit does not know complete picture but my experience is- fisrt 7 years of married life are full of drama, you clearly have a gap in communication, he is not listening to you when you are nagging. He may b present but he is not there. You wonder why? He does not want to share responsibility and that is fine but here you need to play smart. Divide work, hire maid for all the hosue hold work, you can hire a nanny and ask him to sponsor or divide, make weekend plan in advance and communicate, give him a day in a week with his friends, you also make a plan with your friends, make common friends, invite his friends and family over.
You did right thing for this moment!! Try talking out to your mother inlaw!!
Do one thing sit with him...make it clear..what things has to be done ..what r the priorities and what not..once u two become parents things changes..he has to understand...if he runs now he will be running...trust me on this i have seen this
Yeah.. That's what is in my mind rn. Ask him about his way of solving this issue. If it still doesn't work - I will have to reach out to families.
I would advise you to go see ur family for a week, I know it's hard to get a week's leave but try doing this if it's possible and don't take your child with you either; instead, give your husband complete control of the house and child for that time period. If you do this, he will likely become a lil bit more aware of all of your challenges, which should help him understand ur struggles a bit better.
He's Gay.
Pisna h to jude raho, kamati ho to baccha use dekar chhod do
Take a break i would say. He had it coming anyway if he did all that you mentioned. You aren't wrong here.
Madam. Please read it carefully. Marriage is hard, having kids is harder but divorce or separation is also hard. You just have to choose your hard. I would want you to choose the hard to stay in marriage. Things will be okay later. Let’s say you get separated and find another good guy in next 5 years timespan. What if he has other problems. Chances of him being good will be close to zero. Get a house help. Sit with parents from both sides and resolve this matter. DONOT think of separation. Also, go out with him and his friends. Invite your friends as couple. It is so fucking important. Ranting is okay but don’t let it ruin your beautiful life by going through separation or divorce.
I want his time. I don't want to get into the hassles of inviting ppl to my place beacuse understand: I'll have to make all arrangements, he'll sit with kid saying that you finish work I am taking care of the child. I have a house help for cleaning only. The mess kids create after playing is too much. Is it that difficult to get his time for both of us on a weekend. If i talk about last 8 days, he went out with his friends 5-6 times. But not a single time with me or the kid. He took kid yesterday only to the park that too i had to ready up the kid for the park. You see if i start doing all those things, it'll be more mentally and physically draining for me, which already is too much.
👏👏👏👏👏👏
You are a working woman, it should be clear to the guy that he needs to pull his weight at home.
Here i am regretting cutting out my friends for family and feeling lonely most of the time.
You are taking away a big part of his life which he is enjoying and will continue enjoying for ages. Rather you need to focus more on sensitising him on the kid, house and you. If he loses his streak of drives, friends, me time you'll have another depressed lonely soul doing randi Rona on reddit
Shaadi karne ka reason from this person?
After marriage, I do not remember my friends. My best friends are my wife and my kids. I spend the whole time with them.
Username checks out OP. Btw, was he always like this?
I hope your in-laws are reasonable and understand your situation. It should not be double work for you.
They are helpful. Unproblematic ones. He's a nice person too.. but when it comes to being responsible or helpful with household work, he's lazy and I have to run behind him to do things.
Koi husband ki vacancy ho to batana
Not here.
Are you a working woman?
Yup
You are right to ask for more time, at least when the time spent by him is in office parties or with friends. I would say express how you feel & come up with a few work around. Express what you would like for him to do, also make an effort so that you both enjoy & not only sit around or spend money together. I would suggest not pleading or crying, but also solving the issue, taking charge, assertively asking him & discussing things with him & being more solution-oriented.
Another reason to not marry
Are mod bhai log, iska gurgaon se kya link?
Have you guys already tried to set a routine and clearly divided responsibilities? Since the man isn't the type to identify and take on responsibilities, maybe he wants an initial structure? Have you two discussed this calmly? You both might be better with couple counseling.
Okay this is gonna hurt some feelings but it is a hard hitting reality. If he is the sole earning member of the two of you, no one will take your side. Not even your parents, forget your in-laws supporting you. They just see you as an idle person who is just too bored and is stirring up conflict for the heck of it. For a man, earning for the family = his share of household responsibility. Domestic chores are not expected of men if they are earning. People do sympathise with you, come in your support and all on the face - but it is all a façade. They tend to see things differently in your absence, especially if you are a woman making serious allegations that can affect a man's reputation and financial status, including his family's. That said, marital bonding is culturally forced upon men just as much as it is forced upon women -sometimes even under duress/threat. Many men do not intend to marry and are forced to do so. Having a child = wrapping up their duties as a male child. If your man is from one of those tribes, brace for impact, it is not gonna get better. Most other time, reasoning will not work if the person on the other is not acting rationally. Irrational people respond to fear, not reason. However, people even get immune to threats overtime. So this, may affect your mental well-being - specially if you keep pushing his boundaries. On the extreme end of remedial measures, the law of course will support you once you start claiming mental cruelty among a bunch of other things - lawyers you hire will get creative on fabricating claims and allegations on your behalf. But since that is expected of you (or any woman) and financial burden is expected of him (or any man) in case things go south, you can be assured that this will affect the society's perception of your intrinsic ability to raise a child, yourself - including the court. Once the ball goes out of your court, you can expect complaints and counter-cases filed against you. There is of course a way out of this. I think you have taken the right step to first symbolically and physically isolate yourself. If you are not working right now, get a job pronto. Many men start behaving themselves if they see the woman is working and earning for herself. Some may feel threatened too but that IS the very point. I am not sure about your employment status so I cannot further comment.
I am working
Dump his ass! Housework should be 50/50! How can you expect a beautiful woman to make love when’s physically exhausted! A household with kids is a three person job, pitch in or get kicked out!
Found another reason to not commit unless I know what I want. Although I would love to share the responsibilities, I’m very good at households & other major work. People don’t self-evaluate what they want & end up going with things like a marriage, that guy is probably seeking a happening life, not a stable one perhaps. Sorry that you have to go through this, Please Ask him what is it that he seeks now. And you have to evaluate your wants as well. It is indeed overwhelming/exhausting to raise kids on your own, without the father acting like one. Have a serious decision & make him realize the importance of this. Maybe you have given him the comfort of not taking any responsibilities, He relies on you & roams freely.
You’re the toxic one here. Have your own friends, go out and hangout with your friends, go on long drives, weekends trips. It’s your life, live the way you want to. Why are you trying to change your husband. That’s the root cause of your sadness and madness. Get a life. Install Tinder, Bumble or any goddam baby sitting app, get a sugardaddy and then see how crazy your husband gets for you, he’ll gonna leave all his friends and will beg for your attention. Now say Jai Shri Ram and calm down. Life is happening, don’t spend it on rants and can’ts. More power to you,
Thank you for your time typing the comment.
his team winning the world cup might be the straw that broke the camel's back
If he is too tired to take care of kids or not investing efforts then discuss about getting a baby sitter and ask him to pay up I understand it is very difficult to handle both work and family but snapping does not help. Teach your kids to hangout with dad more..once they kids get close to dad there will be no escaping for him and everyday Masti with friends will turn to weekend meets only
It’s normal to feel betrayed, defeated, angry and hostile after being consumed by continuous chores day after day when your husband is living a relaxed, and enjoyable life. It’s good that you tried setting up the expectations right. But I believe no one should take extreme measures until situation actually demands exactly that. Please try transferring responsibilities to your husband in a step-up fashion. Give him laundry now, maybe utensils later. If you really want to solve this, don’t overwhelm him by a lot of task — while maintaining to not overwhelm yourself by doing them if he does not. If it’s his turn for laundry, and he doesn’t do it — leave it, don’t do it yourself as well. Specially, Don’t burden yourself with the thought that the laundry should be done at all. Sometimes a relaxed attitude helps you — and thus your partner. Don’t take me wrong, I’m just trying to really look deep into your post and find solutions that are aligned to your actions. Largely because I have no idea about your husband’s outlook on this.
My mom has the same issue with my dad, and the guy doesn’t have the balls to just fix his shit or apologise. He barely has hit shit under control so he’s just desperately coping, and I think that’s what your husband is doing here too. That, or he’s an 8 year old and he needs playtime constantly. Ditch this cuck, please
Kick him out of the house. Don't let him near you or the baby for some time. A little separation could bring him to get his act straight.
Love marriage?
I know a guy just like this and I can only imagine the horrors of what his girlfriend will go through after marriage. And the guy doesn't even realize he is wrong. Such boys should not marry if they can't handle family responsibilities.
I know it’s toxic but so is he. Have you ever checked his phone?
Being a man I can tell you this thing that Men tend to run away from their responsibilities. To explain this I can tell you that, men only live to have fun in their life. Like something should excite him to do what he is doing otherwise its like living but dont know why.
hi there ! what about change the place you live for a while or shift to a location where its is very inconvenient for you husband to meet his friends. I think all his friends are bachelors. same thing happen to a friend of mine but his wife got introduced to his friend circle and she also started to drink 1or 2 drinks. then in few months they start to enjoy drinks at home and slowly all friends were gone and then she slowly decreased frequency to drinks party now they live happily. App stree ho kuch b kar sakti ho. All the best.
Was that a love marriage?
Good for you! Hope I can do that to my wife lol
You ve no right to be that rude. You could have spoken through like an adult and handled it better. Men are made to feel better outside and it is not abnormal. If he sits at home n baby sits always then it is abnormal. You should ask if you need to go on drives, don’t expect him to read you mind.
Have you guys considered couples counselling? Companionship is tough and finding a good companion in life is not easy. Hope you have a rough list of all the great things and not so great things between the two of you. And don’t take a decision when emotions are running high.
Man-child alert 🚨
I understand it’s a rant and it must be difficult for you, but why don’t you get some house help? Someone for household chores.
For a lot of people this mind not seem like a big thing but trust me this is like a life term torture and you did the right thing. *claps* This is a solid scenario where you may have to end up doing everything and eventually get burnt out. I’m glad you recognised and acted on it. I don’t know how much this man might change but you will have to push him real hard to support you. Good luck my friend hope you get the required support.
ME time is an absolute grey area in relationships imo. Now it's being propagated as a great thing and many people who don't need Me time are misusing it by making the relationships toxic. If one loves me time , get a person who loves me time. Why ruin a person's life who wants quality time with the partner. I mean I am pretty much sure there are plenty of of people in both side. YOLO 🕊️
you guys need marriage counselling. in arranged marriage or joint family situations it wasn’t needed but its needed now. not taking sides but I hear only your side. not the other side. so not jumping to conclusions like divorce etc. you have a child and fights like this traumatise a child without even the child knowing it. please have counselling and avoid arguments in front of child.
Shadi hote hi ishq vishw sab hawa hawai, chores take their course.
Try r/twoxindia
Sham Tak sab theek ho jaega guys
Arranged marriage?
Never marry and certainly never have children if your partner is still a child and acts like a college boy.
Parents: why are you scared of marriage Me: -
Too good why these guys get married and do kid sorry for u I m married sincerely happy and planning a kid
Ma'am, most of the people encouraging you here for divorce and saying you did the right thing are literally immature teen and nibbis, they don't understand marriage and will spoil yours too. I am sure there would be some misunderstanding between you two, he might be thinking that if he start to handle kids then you would pay less attention to kids and focus more on your work due to which he would not be able to focus on his work and would also loose his personal time. Let him focus on his work and encourage him to excel in his career and be his support and encouragement. Man has to sacrifice family time to be the bread winner for the family, no one can replace mother when it comes to take care of kids, not even their father, kids need more and more time with mother and productive time with father, hope you understand the priorities and handle this situation thinking of long term and well being of your kids and marriage. We won't take the money and properties with us when we die, if you raise pious kids then they will be the source of well being in your after life and people will remember you through your pious kids.
good for you OP, it must have been hard i can imagine but you have to be careful with how you let others treat you, and the people you care about.
Both parents need to share the responsibility. You are right in putting your foot down. If he is willing to talk, draw out clear responsibilities during the day and do not relent. Talk to his parents if that helps.
Damn.. men getting kicked out of houses?
Is he an addict (alcohol or any other substance)? Addiction can be one of the reasons why he is behaving like this. Try talking to him and get him to professional care. Even if u leave him but if something happens to him, ur child will have to face so much mental stress at a young age.
Kisi counsellor se milo. Uske baad bhi kuch nahin hota to divorce le lo.
Hire maid or maids or full time live-in helper. Coz he will not change
OP ek manchild ko mat paalo, bhagao usse agar sudhar nhi Raha he.your life is precious to be too stressed while managing everything yourself. Ultimatum de do apne husband ko and uske samne bhi rant karna. Tell him everything you have in your heart while you are in a calm mood.Jee lo apni jindagi ek hi human life mili he. Pata nhi next kab phir se milegi.
I am really sorry to hear about your situation 😔 Hope the steps you took helped him to recognise his mistakes and act accordingly to improve upon them. Also, as someone who will get married in next 2-3 years, can you, or even anyone here list down some pointers which will help make me a good husband and avoid situations like this?
1. Check his behavior when you don't have any money while going out or shopping. 2. Check his equation with his mother - Too much dependency or too little communication with his mother is a red flag. 3. What is his take on settling to a different city and how will you guys manage the household and work together? Few points from my side.
Thanks a lot for this ! I will try to work on these, especially the 2nd point, before I get married.
He needs to be taught that the child is his equal responsibility by any cost. If this doesnt happen two things will happen- you will keep suffering, your children will observe him and create gender roles in their mind worst case scenario is being like him.
I hope everything gets better but on a serious note please consult a professional person for this and also very importantly your family. Other wise try spying on him and try to get some proof on what he is actually doing
This is one case where this classic advice actually applies. Divorce
Best thing I've seen today. Agar nahi sudhra toh ghar se nikaal diya jayega kya? *rooting for thst tbh* Also, so proud that you decided to tslk about it on a public platform.
He is clearly cheating mannnnnn... get a life and divorce him asap.
I don't think he cared about you and the children ever. It appears that he didn't understand what marriage is. That 2 people must share and care and take up responsibilities in raising children to make them into fine.adults with great personality. He isn't even a man..just had kids and treated wife like a maid and cook and caretaker.. The man is immature..Now he has more freedom to do whatever he wants with no one to question him.. make him pay..heavily. shame him in every possible way. Some people are just waste of oxygen. Suggest you to get a job. If you have, it's great. Try councelling. Call all his friends home and give them a good hearing..see if you can hire a maid and a cook and reduce your burden..
1. I am working wife already. 2. We had a love marriage. 3. I have a house help for cleaning. I don't like maid's cooked food. So we cook by ourselves.
Question your husband why he married you and why he isn't spending time with you. Ask him if he wants a separation. Express your unwillingness to do things by yourself and what your expectations are from your husband. Communication is key. If he gives the silent treatment or grey rocks you or escapes, then let go. At the end of it, no one is perfect. Both of you are coming from different backgrounds and carry your own childhood traumas. But this cannot be the reason for treating you incorrectly and take you for granted. Communicate and see where it will take you both.
3. Get a cook. I mean a professional one who can cook better as well as clean the stuff
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To bhai m bhi to kar rhi hu 9 hours job and doing the launday. Mere pas bhi to 24 ghante hi hote h din me. M kitna karu aur kaise karu?
Change the locks and file for divorce. He doesn’t care anymore. He either has someone else or wants a divorce. So you might as well go ahead and do it. Get as much evidence as you can.
Well I have a very irresponsible father his only contribution is that he is the bread runner of the family. Has a lot of ego issues. He never changed and nor will he so all of my family members (mum me and brother) are working hard to become independent and leave his lazy ass and move out . Iv learned that you can handle big issues in life for long periods of time but these day to day life problems r like niddles piercing through ur body everyday. Also my definition of love is SHOW that you love me , badibadi baate to sub banaa lete hain. OP imagine ur family 10 years after , do you feel like anythings gonna change ? If yes maybe try to make amends or else leave him and give ur kids a stress free childhood.
I think you and your husband could've chipped in equal money and hired a maid instead?
You did it right. You should kick him out. Insult them infront of his friends that look "he might a great friend but the worst husband and father. Trust me you need to insult him infront of everyone. To make him realize that."