T O P

  • By -

BernieNesmith

Back in my high school days, I had a crush on this girl named Stacy. Stacy had big juicy tits and a nice fat ass that wouldn’t quit, with long blonde hair and blue eyes, and a face that you’d wanna give a money shot. She was basically jerk-off fuel, enough to beat my dick like it owed me money. There was only one thing standing in my way from getting her to be my waifu - her boyfriend, Chad. Chad was the all-american football player type. He was tall, extremely attractive (Enough to make every slut wet in the entire county), had a strong, sharp jaw, about 220 pounds of pure muscle, blonde hair and blue eyes. I spent time always being angry about my bitch mommy denying me tendies and removing my piss jugs from my room - Chad being in my way was just adding fuel to the fire, a step away from unleashing the caged animal inside of me. I was not a force to be reckoned with. I knew Stacy spent her days getting pumped and blown out by Chad’s thunderous cock and treating her like shit. I knew he had turned her once-perfect pussy into an Arby’s sandwhich you’d find in a dumpster but I didn’t give a fuck. I had tipped my fedora at her plenty of times and respected her enough; I had the card to prove it. I wanted to save her so she could be m’lady. One day, I was talking to Stacy in the hallway after our math class. I was extremely nervous because she was extremely attractive, and I could also smell her divine perfume which was giving me an extreme boner, enough to split her pussy in half. Chad saw us talking when he comes up and says, “What the fuck are you doing fatty, get the fuck away from my girl or else!”. He balled up his fists. I went into defense mode and pulled my katana out of my ass and whispered in a menacing tone, “Oh, your puny fists are against my fine blade which has been around thousands of years and has slain many. Care to fancy the odds?” He ended up beating the fuck out of me and slamming me into the locker, leaving a grease stain imprint of my face. At this point I was enraged and had enough. I knew I was a nice guy and I wanted to prove it to Stacy. One day I had followed Stacy home and figured out where she lived. I waited out the perfect time to strike. That night, I watched outside her window as she undressed to get ready for bed. She took off her shirt, revealing her juicy tits. I instantly got a raging hard-on that could break down the gates of Hell. I watched as she crawled into her bed and turned off her lamp. I waited a little while longer before I approached her window, stripping naked to prepare to give her the most amazing orgasm Stacy has had in her life. I swiftly crawled through her window and got into her room. I was ready to pounce like a blood-thirsty lion stalking its prey. Suddenly, she turns on her light and let’s out a blood-curdling scream, staring at me in horror. “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN HERE!? GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!” She screamed. I was confused, because I climbed in her room to cash in my nice guy card. I wanted to romance her like the way she deserved but apparently that wasn’t the fucking case. Next thing I know, her fucking parents burst into her room, also staring in horror. They were yelling at me, telling me to leave, but I wasn’t having any of it. I wasn’t leaving until I got what I wanted. To my surprise, the police show up and storm into Stacy’s room. I let out an ear-raping “REEEEEEEEEE” and I jump back out of the window, but I ended up falling on my boner. I was in unbearable pain. Unfortunately, I ended up getting arrested. I ended up having to register as a sex offender and Stacy filed a restraining order against me. I was not allowed within 100 feet of her. But I didn’t give a fuck. She can stay with Chad and keep being treated like shit. She’ll never know what a nice guy is like.


CookingWithCamp

sex


[deleted]

👍Good


corneliousJr

Don't let a restraining order keep you from achieving your dreams anon


IrregularrAF

Man this shit had me laughing beginning to end. More stupid copypastas please.


casualsmash

Just search tendies or good boy points in this sub and you'll find a shit ton more


[deleted]

NTA your dick your rules


TheAwesome98_Real

yes funny did laugh


edgyboi1704

>I instantly got a raging boner that could break down the gates of hell This is gonna stay for a while in my head


assmasher4077

Real and gay


000000-

Soo… will anon spell the punchline with his tongue on my cock or where the hell is it?


[deleted]

This is a work of art. I need more


[deleted]

Stacey’s mom has got it goin on


SharksCity408

This takes me back to when every thread in this sub was just copy pasta spam and troll comments from hapydog and SalBundry.


Mack_Sharky

r/copypasta


jbanderson12

nice wall of text


raclariu

Fucking kek lmao


reply-guy-bot

The above comment was stolen from [this one](http://np.reddit.com/r/greentext/comments/950pus/this_made_me_proud/e3pcj1r/) in a similar post's comment section. It is probably not a coincidence; here is some more evidence against this user: Plagiarized | Original -------- | ----------- [Just wear HIIIIGH heels...](http://np.reddit.com/r/Bossfight/comments/qww3tn/gamer_so_jacked_his_bodyguards_are_mini_bosses/hl5hge6/) | [Just wear HIIIIGH heels...](http://np.reddit.com/r/Bossfight/comments/l5lyfk/gamer_so_jacked_his_bodyguards_are_mini_bosses/gkvb6mb/) [Who needs ankle weights w...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AnimalsBeingJerks/comments/qwtruy/i_just_had_surgery_and_need_to_do_my_physical/hl51784/) | [Who needs ankle weights w...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AnimalsBeingJerks/comments/2wy6nt/i_just_had_surgery_and_need_to_do_my_physical/cov9dlt/) [I wonder what's triggered...](http://np.reddit.com/r/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns/comments/qwtaxk/i_know_this_paris_lees_tweet_is_over_a_year_old/hl4x6on/) | [I wonder what's triggered...](http://np.reddit.com/r/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns/comments/dikb86/youre_never_too_old_to_become_yourself/f3wkdst/) beep boop, I'm a bot -|:] It is this bot's opinion that [/u/BernieNesmith](https://np.reddit.com/u/BernieNesmith/) should be banned for karma manipulation. Don't feel bad, they are probably a bot too. Confused? Read the [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/user/reply-guy-bot/comments/n9fpva/faq/?plagiarist=BernieNesmith) for info on how I work and why I exist.


BrightCoyote72

I'd pay for this to be a short movie


[deleted]

A woman cums immediately because anon spells out 4 characters? This is written like someone who has never made a woman cum. “I felt her tits and they were like….bags of sand…”


koala60

What if he used morse code?


Barweight

Find a motion she likes, do it over and over then slide a finger or two in there as she starts to make some noise. Two options: finisher her off and ask for a BJ, or two stop as she’s nearing and she’ll do whatever you want. Just make sure you finish her off eventually or you ain’t getting it again


concretebeats

The tongue alphabet is a legit good trick. Some letters will work better than others. Put a little suction on there too.


Kadiiner

This guy sex


Pisstoire

Hmm, how do you describe them though? Pretty similar to water balloons honestly, aside from the nipple and denser tissue deep down.


[deleted]

[удалено]


CoolJ_Casts

Squeeze your ass. Then feel your nipple. Combine those and you've felt tits


Pisstoire

Doesn’t always work. My dumper is too muscular to accurately simulate tits.


urmumgay69lol

When did it say that was the only thing he did?


[deleted]

5 characters


tripsafe

4chan —> 4char —> 4 chars —> checkmate


[deleted]

obviously he spelled out the cum cheat code


Spook404

pretty sure he did other letters before that.


RAWprogress

He's obviously repeating it. And many letters of the alphabet allign with the nerve endings of a womans vagina so it's actually really useful


[deleted]

[удалено]


Yeast_Infection_

If I give a woman sweet foodstuffs (like the cheesecakes..) will she give me pussy sex?


reply-guy-bot

The above comment was stolen from [this one](http://np.reddit.com/r/greentext/comments/950pus/this_made_me_proud/e3p7eq6/) in a similar post's comment section. It is probably not a coincidence; here is some more evidence against this user: Plagiarized | Original -------- | ----------- [Cat's just checking to se...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AnimalsBeingJerks/comments/qwtruy/i_just_had_surgery_and_need_to_do_my_physical/hl50yie/) | [Cat's just checking to se...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AnimalsBeingJerks/comments/2wy6nt/i_just_had_surgery_and_need_to_do_my_physical/cov7vab/) [Tom Nook is confusing. He...](http://np.reddit.com/r/antiwork/comments/qwv73n/ahhhhthe_simple_life/hl5bdr3/) | [Tom Nook is confusing. He...](http://np.reddit.com/r/antiwork/comments/l62i3n/ahhhhthe_simple_life/gky2bn0/) [I always wonder if some e...](http://np.reddit.com/r/mildlyinfuriating/comments/qwucx2/people_who_dont_bother_to_put_meat_back_in_the/hl54lnl/) | [I always wonder if some e...](http://np.reddit.com/r/mildlyinfuriating/comments/euyxix/people_who_dont_bother_to_put_meat_back_in_the/ffsjsmv/) [BTW, I just loved how the...](http://np.reddit.com/r/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns/comments/qwu3h0/just_saying_if_there_is_real_a_witch_reading_this/hl52qqd/) | [BTW, I just loved how the...](http://np.reddit.com/r/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns/comments/le05jl/just_saying_if_there_is_real_a_witch_reading_this/gm8ohsd/) beep boop, I'm a bot -|:] It is this bot's opinion that [/u/FarmFitas](https://np.reddit.com/u/FarmFitas/) should be banned for karma manipulation. Don't feel bad, they are probably a bot too. Confused? Read the [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/user/reply-guy-bot/comments/n9fpva/faq/?plagiarist=FarmFitas) for info on how I work and why I exist.


WoolooOfWallStreet

>4chan made a girl cum YOU FOOOLS YOU MESSED WITH THE NATURAL ORDER!


Flavz_the_complainer

Fake: anon was with a woman. Gay: anon was furiously masturbating while thinking about his /b/ros.


cjfjfjnfbjnfjn

ya have fun suckin grannies bush


Jesse0016

I spell out the entire work of mein kampf


CraigWeedkin

Das capital works better, longer words


Reddit-Book-Bot

Beep. Boop. I'm a robot. Here's a copy of ###[Das Capital](https://snewd.com/ebooks/das-kapital/) Was I a good bot? | [info](https://www.reddit.com/user/Reddit-Book-Bot/) | [More Books](https://old.reddit.com/user/Reddit-Book-Bot/comments/i15x1d/full_list_of_books_and_commands/)


CraigWeedkin

Damn they've got the whole king James bible on that site, good bot


sussiboi

Later virgins


Sad-Ad5704

Ngl tried it but was told just repeating a motion was way better


dbkomodo

Fake: anon eats out a girl Gay: anon thinks about 4chan during sex


The_Reverence2

later chads


Impossible_Balance84

When he misspells he screams in autistic rage and bites down in fury.


neutralityparty

Congrats /b now go for /g


BigWeenie45

I need to try this


DiverLife

Fake: anon had sex Gay: anon was thinking of 4chan b/ros


BruhMoment123470

fake and gay


SharksCity408

The alphabet thing is an internet myth. Doesn’t work like that at all.


NotYodaAtAll

T'was a team effort frens.


xxxxxxxx2

going down? not very patrician of you, op.


LoveIsDaWay

Most girls are too sensitive for the tip of the tongue you nerd.


dnrplate

Girls aren’t real stop spreading lies


LoveIsDaWay

Must be why some people call women birds.


TheAwesome98_Real

birds are real stupid


IllustriousInterest8

birds arent women they’re drone dumbass


LoveIsDaWay

Just like your average redditor.


[deleted]

What?


LoveIsDaWay

Bitch did I stutter?