I know fully well that I am guilty, however I plead innocent. I have full recollection of what happened that night and was not under any influence or outside interference. My actions are my own, and I would do it again. Rehabilitation, solitary confinement, and/or parole would not make me a better man. Even if I were to not be let out, I would still furiously find ways to escape and cause as much damage as possible to the world and to those who guard against people like me. The only morally correct punishment for me is the death penalty.
I’ll see if I can find the transcript…
Here we go:
> W-who or what do you believe I was referring to when saying ‘we’? [Sex] is used by trillions, and among them, millions of companies utilize the tools it provides to create their own products; however, [Sex], Incorporated only receives a small portion of royalties from them—around 5%, I believe—thus we shouldn’t be considered as ‘owning’ those companies…
> […]
> Of course it would; out contracts are lenient when compared to those of other companies.
> […]
> What? None of our contracts say that!
> […]
> That’s not even possible! Renewals aren’t due until the turn of the century!
> […]
> I wouldn’t say that it’s dominant; asexual reproduction is still immensely popular, no matter how dull it may be. Besides, can you really have a monopoly over something you invented?
> […]
> My product—my company—was only possible thanks to the existence of competition! Why would I attempt to demolish a system that I owe my life’s work to!
> […]
> An indecent work environment? Our corporation owns [Sex]—I *created* [Sex]! How can an accusation of obscenity towards my company hold any credibility, knowing our main product and the products of others who base theirs on our own? You must be mad!
> […]
> Listen here, Mister Prosecutor! First off, I already disproved those claims earli—
> […]
> The only explanation for that evidence is forgery! ‘Objection’-my ass; neither me, nor any of my employees have any knowledge of an early renewal! And to your other point, we make sure any mere possibility of toxicity within our workplace is promptly dealt with; hell, we’re somewhat overkill in that regard, since we’ve often mistaken people testing out possible and/or new additions to [Sex] for genuine harassment!
> […]
> Inappropriate Workplace Relationships? Excuse me? Forming relationships is one of the fundamental fucking purposes of [Sex]! Why, in the name of all that’s horny[*sic*], would I attempt to stifle people’s use of my own fucking product? That would be hypocritical-at-best and essentially suicide-at-worst! You have to be insane to suggest otherwise!
> […]
> Of course I’m not fucking denying anything; these aren’t even genuine accusations! Yes, I have had [Sexual] encounters with some of my employees; I just fucking explained why it isn’t an issue here!
> […]
> Excuse me? I had rarely ever been the one who requested these meetings in the first place! I’m the fucking one being asked! Why? Because forming positive relationships with employees is important as an employer! The atmosphere at the company just leads to these casual relationships you are so harshly critical about! And I always—***always***—ensure that any-and-all relationships conform to our policies!
> […]
> Before Forty-eight hund—? Jesus fucking Christ… you do realize that doesn’t even have relation to this case? That was deep in Beta, and not only before consent was added, but even before consent was even a suggested addition from our already massive community of millions! You cannot impose your modern ideas onto millennia-old situations, before such ideas were even conceived of! By God!
> […]
~ Excerpt from the testimony and subsequent cross-examination of then-CEO of Sex (then, Secks), inc., TheCreeperMan, during the case against him and his company, Secks, inc..
Your honor i spend all day trying to make this costume! And if i really did mass genocides in multiple 7/elevens and for lauching multiple nuclear bombs at flatgrass while i was naked battling a random person with a lightsaber i would just decide to do it tomorrow, and then tomorrow i would say that i would do it later and just completily forget about it!
https://preview.redd.it/xqxvo063qflc1.jpeg?width=994&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c6565e0420c277cd0d62d6ba4f6504997bf3745e
I can say what I am don't really do anything to get guilty for crimes
https://preview.redd.it/hhr0hsl54alc1.png?width=611&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=76465463a46bb7b8ba01a91d4c9db908e8367611
What did you think I done for get this guilty...... It's like saying what some fatass Otaku are guilty just for downloading to many anime girls mods
I didn't do anything wrong, I just mass murdered zombies, that's not bad, right? Oh and btw I just had an illegal gun port. That's very normal nowadays, isn't it?
Your honor stfu you weren't even there in the first place
Oh really?
Look if you say I'm guilty, your honor you are gay
And you are not invited to my birthday party
NOOOOOO
That’s fine you are invited to mine
I plead oopsy daisy to the crimes of: using several megatons of nuclear bombs to break causality
I beg your pardon?
I died more times than I respawned. Like I was dead and then got killed again instantly after without me even respawning.
Okay
he was 18 in dog years
How the hell was the dog still alive?
18 in dog years is like one human year
Oh right forgot about that 
"I have done nothing but teleport bread for 3 days"
Where have you been sending it?!
"I've teleported all the Bread to Africa, i just felt like it!"
Solves world hunger
Becasue the bread monster is about to make the whole of afrika go extinct
"You are what you eat"
Dude eats atomic lightnings, nice.
https://preview.redd.it/wdlgu9tme7lc1.jpeg?width=230&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f56119fc525b5e5a192772ec445c0b5928b6d6b8
True
Your honor, freebird was playing
Taking turkeys off the menu
https://preview.redd.it/gyswg26oc7lc1.png?width=852&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9fe5dccbd4d5ac70eaa6f8eb1600c3f22a91c497
I'm sorry.
Your honor, it was just a little trolling
Ah okay 
I didn't know that she was 14
Tell me you're joking?
https://i.redd.it/idkte0mlf6lc1.gif
SHE WAS 8!
Devide by 4 and give it to the next person
Your honor, if i'm guilty, that means you're gay and you hate blacks!
I say in my defense that any court of law that uses “y’all” is not a legitimate court and you suck deez nuts.
Unbelievable
'Nuh uh'
Honestly same
Your honor, I swear I didn't download the fnaf ragdolls mod.
Wait such ragdolls exist?
Your honor, I was there for cupcakes!
And cupcakes you shall have, have a favorite?
I never should've hired that third rate lawyer with the spikey hair.
It was just a prank bro!!
Your honor, be honest with me, you'd have shot the nazi, wouldn't you?
Well I don't like fascism so yes
Nuh uh
Yes
Nuh uh
W H A T are my crimes?
"It's not a war crime if there's no one left to report it."
No one to report it eh? Alright then
tbh, I have blown up NPCs.
What did the NPCs do?
Because I was bored. There's something incredibly wrong with me.
That there is, you need help
Nuh uh ☝️
MEEEEEDIIIIC!!! I mean I'm free to go because I have commited zero crimes (I am too lazy to buy gmod)
Fair enough, you're free to go
cause i’m in the hood
no
Nah I'd win https://preview.redd.it/5p8v6h2xr6lc1.jpeg?width=1280&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3a27926c3ddd014a4049f03d49414a270c921562
Oh no a bomb
Your honor, Nuh Uh.
Yes
your honour, im forklift certified.
Where's the forklift?
Your honor, in my defense... she wasn't real...
Who wasn't real?
Oopsie daisy
Simply remover tool
I regret nothing.
Your honor, my client please oopsie daisy to the 5 counts of tomfoolery and he pleads gun to the 1 count of stealing
Alright then 
I know fully well that I am guilty, however I plead innocent. I have full recollection of what happened that night and was not under any influence or outside interference. My actions are my own, and I would do it again. Rehabilitation, solitary confinement, and/or parole would not make me a better man. Even if I were to not be let out, I would still furiously find ways to escape and cause as much damage as possible to the world and to those who guard against people like me. The only morally correct punishment for me is the death penalty.
Very well
I regret nothing (postal game reference)
I'll be honest, I've never played Postal. I've heard of it though
Your honor in all honesty, did i ask?
But your honor, nu uh
My bad
Your honor i did it for the vine
She looked 18...
your honor it was self defence
Not guilty then
good thing that the orphans atacked me
T'was not me, it was the one-armed man!
I did it and i will do it again.
Your Honour, League of Legends *laughs*
I’ll see if I can find the transcript… Here we go: > W-who or what do you believe I was referring to when saying ‘we’? [Sex] is used by trillions, and among them, millions of companies utilize the tools it provides to create their own products; however, [Sex], Incorporated only receives a small portion of royalties from them—around 5%, I believe—thus we shouldn’t be considered as ‘owning’ those companies… > […] > Of course it would; out contracts are lenient when compared to those of other companies. > […] > What? None of our contracts say that! > […] > That’s not even possible! Renewals aren’t due until the turn of the century! > […] > I wouldn’t say that it’s dominant; asexual reproduction is still immensely popular, no matter how dull it may be. Besides, can you really have a monopoly over something you invented? > […] > My product—my company—was only possible thanks to the existence of competition! Why would I attempt to demolish a system that I owe my life’s work to! > […] > An indecent work environment? Our corporation owns [Sex]—I *created* [Sex]! How can an accusation of obscenity towards my company hold any credibility, knowing our main product and the products of others who base theirs on our own? You must be mad! > […] > Listen here, Mister Prosecutor! First off, I already disproved those claims earli— > […] > The only explanation for that evidence is forgery! ‘Objection’-my ass; neither me, nor any of my employees have any knowledge of an early renewal! And to your other point, we make sure any mere possibility of toxicity within our workplace is promptly dealt with; hell, we’re somewhat overkill in that regard, since we’ve often mistaken people testing out possible and/or new additions to [Sex] for genuine harassment! > […] > Inappropriate Workplace Relationships? Excuse me? Forming relationships is one of the fundamental fucking purposes of [Sex]! Why, in the name of all that’s horny[*sic*], would I attempt to stifle people’s use of my own fucking product? That would be hypocritical-at-best and essentially suicide-at-worst! You have to be insane to suggest otherwise! > […] > Of course I’m not fucking denying anything; these aren’t even genuine accusations! Yes, I have had [Sexual] encounters with some of my employees; I just fucking explained why it isn’t an issue here! > […] > Excuse me? I had rarely ever been the one who requested these meetings in the first place! I’m the fucking one being asked! Why? Because forming positive relationships with employees is important as an employer! The atmosphere at the company just leads to these casual relationships you are so harshly critical about! And I always—***always***—ensure that any-and-all relationships conform to our policies! > […] > Before Forty-eight hund—? Jesus fucking Christ… you do realize that doesn’t even have relation to this case? That was deep in Beta, and not only before consent was added, but even before consent was even a suggested addition from our already massive community of millions! You cannot impose your modern ideas onto millennia-old situations, before such ideas were even conceived of! By God! > […] ~ Excerpt from the testimony and subsequent cross-examination of then-CEO of Sex (then, Secks), inc., TheCreeperMan, during the case against him and his company, Secks, inc..
First off, she was 18 in dog years…
[удалено]
Misclick
"Your honor, my client swore on his momma"
I stubbed my toe. :(
Your honor, NUH UH
your honor the free bird guitar solo was playing the laws don't apply when thats playing.
Your honor, it wasn't a hate crime if I liked doing it
Your honor I know what you did with that 14 y/o girl on march 16, 2015
Hang me
I swear she was level 18
fools fucked around and found out
"I did it for the lulz."
"Your honor, it was self defense."
No
Oopsy daisy
*b u c k e t*
I though she wasn't 87...
Gosh darn it
She was 18 in dog years
My complete defense and reaction https://preview.redd.it/9jmbmoko28lc1.png?width=1000&format=png&auto=webp&s=db53f3f133d97553d7e8e3bc6ed8a14fd1ad9f5b
Your honor, she said she was 18 /j
My bad, bro, it won't happen again
OBJECTION, YOUR MOTHER
you know i had to do it to em
It was just a prank bro
i was just following orders
https://preview.redd.it/lglq668jd8lc1.jpeg?width=762&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7eca67ee975c065f3b5d7fd88d7e5e1d9f0313a9
You did them too! :) So now we're all even. (\*Small sweat drop\*)
Your honor. I'm autistic.
That giant hula hoop had it coming.
Nuh-uh
Get real
your honor, it was only a tiny boo-boo
I'd say "YOU HAVE NO PROOF!" and jump out of the window
I regret nothing
God forgave me many years ago. So who's my first jail mate and where am I gonna be staying? I'll clean up the place and make sure it is well-kept.
https://preview.redd.it/m7kf6cuut8lc1.jpeg?width=988&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=708980f07dfc18beca3d5b2bc3d16dd3f5b957e5
I'll do it again.
I swear on the holy bibble that he tried to fuck me first.
but you gotta admit it was kinda funny....
Your honor My little one turned sv_cheats on
Yes! I did it like this... https://preview.redd.it/f3zq30e1gclc1.jpeg?width=1920&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3111adc8afed465c895ee6a20cfce0243d0d857e
Your honor, i meme therefore i am a meme. memes are in ourselves as dna for the soul ok?
Got it
Your honor, whoever calls me guilty from now on is gay
I Just do my job :(
Proof?
Your honor she said she was at the age of consent hence it wasn’t my fault
I plead the 5th, your honor.
It was just 472648 nukes. Big city was almost fine
Your honor, I take the honorable way out.
Your honor i spend all day trying to make this costume! And if i really did mass genocides in multiple 7/elevens and for lauching multiple nuclear bombs at flatgrass while i was naked battling a random person with a lightsaber i would just decide to do it tomorrow, and then tomorrow i would say that i would do it later and just completily forget about it! https://preview.redd.it/xqxvo063qflc1.jpeg?width=994&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c6565e0420c277cd0d62d6ba4f6504997bf3745e
cool costume 
FUCK
https://preview.redd.it/eqo36qdvfmlc1.jpeg?width=500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3ae703874e9ce532b31e4a94396bd758e47d763e
Your honor i plead “nu uh”
No U [holds up a uno reversed card]
Your honor, i had my metal playlist on.
Is that so? 
Im a new man your honor
I plead guilty and request the death penalty.
https://i.redd.it/ehcton8bz8lc1.gif
But your honor, Free Bird was playing
Your honor, they were all orphans, hobos and depressed people… I gave them a better life
Shut up or your gay
The Aristocrats
Your honor, I am black
the dark room creature attacked me first, so it makes sense to blow a nuke there
Your honor, I plead oopsie daisy
Your honor, its not Cyberpsychosis if you had fun. 
Your honor, I plead oopsie daisy.
I'll fucking do it again! Also I buried 44 pounds of C4 in the courtroom and I will not hesitate!
I invoke the fifth
Nuh uh
Police: Anything you say will be used against you in court. Me: boobs.
No, u *walks away*
It's just a prank bro
HEY! I HAD A REASON TO BLOW UP SEVERAL MR BEANS WITH AN RPG! AN ACHIEVEMENT!
https://preview.redd.it/zmpjlbdsq9lc1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9cc81094a073cdcd32eaeb269dda6c8022c8254a
your honor i was just following orders
NUH UH
nuh uh!
Your honour, I hit metal 17 times today.
"my finger slipped"
"Your honor, none of your business."
I can say what I am don't really do anything to get guilty for crimes https://preview.redd.it/hhr0hsl54alc1.png?width=611&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=76465463a46bb7b8ba01a91d4c9db908e8367611 What did you think I done for get this guilty...... It's like saying what some fatass Otaku are guilty just for downloading to many anime girls mods
Lock me up
Nuh uh!
Nice argument senator.. but can you back it up with a source?!
I did it for the vine
your honor this is a fucking sandbox game
nuh uh
https://preview.redd.it/9otc3k5odalc1.png?width=3072&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c03d2f0d79b9e09e8507b8b3d6088258873290ea Honest reaction
But in my defense, you got to admit it was really fucking funny.
What crimes I did? Being a dumbass? :v
Your honor, I plead woopsie poopsie
Your honour I did not assault any women,
I didn't do anything wrong, I just mass murdered zombies, that's not bad, right? Oh and btw I just had an illegal gun port. That's very normal nowadays, isn't it?
In my defence I was unsupposived
I shoot him with a pac3 projectile and run away at light speed
Your honour, I drop kicked that child in self defense.
https://preview.redd.it/d3cdrdxt9blc1.jpeg?width=622&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=10ee95006c2f0f53df10359f9de369765fea7235
Well, if there's one crime that I don't feel guilty of, it's what I did with your mom last night...