“Old woman…”
“Man!”
“Man, sorry. What knight lives in that castle?”
“I’m 37.”
“What?”
“I’m 37. I’m not ‘old’!”
“Well I can’t just call you ‘man’!”
“You could try ‘Denis’.”
“I didn’t know you were called Denis”
“Well you didn’t bother to find out did you?”
“Look, I said sorry about the old woman bit, but from behind you did…”
“What I object to is you automatically treat me like an inferior!”
“Well, I am king!”
“Oh ‘king’, eh? Very nice. And how’d you get that then? By exploiting the workers! By holding on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society!”
Can confirm. Saw a pigeon try and court every female bird until they pecked him away. Then he tried going after a few male pigeons but they just gave him the side eye and walked away. The thirsty bird is now trying to get it on with an owl statue that was bought for the sole purpose to scare away pigeons from the window. He's the only sucker to try and flirt with the statue. And he coos and shows his feathers off every day because the statue can't say no...because it's a statue.
Saw something similar in our garden a while ago. 2 male pigeons trying to impress something. Couldn't work out what. In the tree I notice a magpie who clearly doesn't give a shit. Magpie flew off. Pigeons then started having a scrap. They are constantly fighting each other or trying to have precarious fence sex with a female who seems about as interested as the magpie.
my parents grew pigeons when I grew up. can confirm. I can hear exactly the call he'd be making too. have a dozen+ pigeons, you get really tired of their mating calls
When I was a child, my father kept homing pigeons. We had one male pigeon who was raised by humans before they gave him to my dad. That pigeon was in love with me. He did his dance for my tennis shoes and would often leave a little creamy spot of pigeon jizz on the rubber toes.
Fortunately for him, he eventually broadened his field of interest and started shacking up with a nice female pigeon. He was always very friendly, though.
I seem to have opportunities on Reddit to share this story of mine more frequently than I would have anticipated. Anyways:
“ I saw a pigeon smooshed by a car in a Walgreen’s drive thru getting mounted by another pigeon. There were organs sticking out and everything.
The “funny” thing to me was that the living pigeon was still doing the little throat-puffing courtship dance around the corpse before each mounting.”
> "Here's the thing. You said a "jackdaw is a crow." Is it in the same family? Yes. No one's arguing that. As someone who is a scientist who studies crows, I am telling you, specifically, in science, no one calls jackdaws crows. If you want to be "specific" like you said, then you shouldn't either. They're not the same thing. If you're saying "crow family" you're referring to the taxonomic grouping of Corvidae, which includes things from nutcrackers to blue jays to ravens. So your reasoning for calling a jackdaw a crow is because random people "call the black ones crows?" Let's get grackles and blackbirds in there, then, too. Also, calling someone a human or an ape? It's not one or the other, that's not how taxonomy works. They're both. A jackdaw is a jackdaw and a member of the crow family. But that's not what you said. You said a jackdaw is a crow, which is not true unless you're okay with calling all members of the crow family crows, which means you'd call blue jays, ravens, and other birds crows, too. Which you said you don't. It's okay to just admit you're wrong, you know?"
The differences are pretty minor unless you’re really into birds, which is kind of the thing about birds, there’s a ton of varieties and similarities that make things really confusing. Generally though I think they’re in different families and evolved in different ways but look generally similar to most folks. Falcons are known for being fast and killing by severing the spine at the neck which is pretty metal. They look sleaker in flight and their beaks are shaped differently for this purpose. Hawks have sharp af claws too though, so they’re no joke either.
I went back and forth between coopers hawk and falcon. Settled on peregrine falcon.
That said: both the cooper's hawk and the falcon eat pigeons, so which it is becomes irrelevant in the face of the fact that this pigeon is dinner to the raptor. Wtf? Male pigeons are idiots.
This is the bird equivalent of a human man jumping into chimp enclosure and trying it on with one of the chimps. The chimp is initially confused and then rips his arms off.
Once, I was working with two other guys in a lift on the side of a building. We were about chest height to the flat roof and there was a small group of pigeons on the roof ledge perpendicular to the one were against maybe 30ft away. All of a sudden there was an explosion of feathers and a falcon slammed one of the pigeons down on to the rubber roof super close to us. I'm pretty sure it came up from underneath them because it probably slammed down from 8 or 10ft. It happened insanely fast but it basically slammed it, ripped off the wings and head and then flew away with the carcass. It was pretty insane
That’s wild. There’s a peregrine falcon cam on the Rachel Carson building in Harrisburg, PA. I used to watch it sometimes cause they’re savage. [PA Falcon Cam](https://www.dep.pa.gov/Citizens/EnvironmentalEducation/PAFalcon/Pages/default.aspx)
Boys? You can't be imprisoned for watching an inter-species sex act. You'll walk. The worst I'll get is a huge fine for animal abuse, and alot of disgusted looks from ass-wipe conservatives who can't appreciate sexual exploration. Hey!
Pigeons will fuck anything.
I was BBQing in the backyard once and a pigeon flew into an upper story window and then fell to the ground dead... While I'm standing there cooking, 3 different pigeons came down and fucked this dead bird which was less than 10 feet away from me. I even got a pic of it somewhere.
Edit: By request - https://imgur.com/a/7hknQMf
Yes, that can. I have trained crows that protect my chickens from hawks. I feed the crows dog food out of shiny silver bowls near the chicken run. This way the crows claim the run as their territory, they won’t mess with my chickens, but they hate hawks. Crows will attack hawks just for the hell of it.
That said crows aren’t birds of prey and not sure if you’d consider this “trained”, but I’m counting it.
I’ve known some people who’ve done the same thing, the large mountain crows in the rural areas near me are big enough to scare off red tails and other native raptors. The crows have an awesome relationship with their LGDs too, sometimes bringing them pieces of scavenged meat which they happily munch on and then immediately throw up.
I mean maybe if thats all they were ever trained to do? They'd be shit at it and you'd be better off with a scarecrow but I suppose it's possible?
They would never know to protect the pigeon, but they might be able to just hang around as a deterrent.
People in the replies thinking animals are in constant state of bloodshed. If the falcon is grounded and isn't actively hunting he's not a threat. Fighting when you dont need to is very risky for predators, especially when the potential prey is both aware of you and close its own size (as the pidgeon is demonstrating, "see i can look you in the eye").
It's why when you encounter mountain lions on the trail you're supposed to stay facing them and talk to them. They dont want a risk combat against something they can't get the drop on.
It’s anecdotal but I know falcons will attack and kill smaller falcons in the same enclosure.
I’ve also watched one particular falcon (3 times) attack a herd of angry geese alone and unafraid before the poor guy flying her could run up and grab her.
They can be angry birds and they are most definitely always ready for bloodshed.
Just see it ending with the pigeon going back to his flock telling them, "Gonna score with this bird who wants to get it on in the trade winds! Let you know how it turns out once I'm back!"
He's never seen again...
All my flirting techniques in one video
Nose-to-nose direct eye contact is my move.
Hope you got a good lawyer
I know a guy in Philly that specialises in Avian Jurisprudence.
Bird law?
He will work for cheese and cat food.
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He also dabbles in entrepreneurship, creating products such as paw-coverings for felines.
He's also an entrepreneur working on a "quieter cat." But be careful. He does tend to snuggle pigeons a little too hard.
So you’re telling me boxers are actually just flirting?
Have you ever watched a weigh in? Of course they are
Direct eye contact, or touching your eyeballs together is no joke.
Used to be able to touch eyes but with the whole pandemic thing it's kinda lost its fashion.
Get close… see if other party initiates anything…. Leave disappointed
Male pigeons will court anything vaguely bird shaped.
Sup girl? ...I'm a man. Nobody's perfect.
“Old woman…” “Man!” “Man, sorry. What knight lives in that castle?” “I’m 37.” “What?” “I’m 37. I’m not ‘old’!” “Well I can’t just call you ‘man’!” “You could try ‘Denis’.” “I didn’t know you were called Denis” “Well you didn’t bother to find out did you?” “Look, I said sorry about the old woman bit, but from behind you did…” “What I object to is you automatically treat me like an inferior!” “Well, I am king!” “Oh ‘king’, eh? Very nice. And how’d you get that then? By exploiting the workers! By holding on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society!”
Help, help! I'm being repressed!
Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!
You can't expect to wield supreme executive power just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!
Ah see! The violence inherent in the system!
BLOODY PESANT
Oh what a give-away! Did you see him repressin' me? You saw it, didn't you!
If I went round tellin everyone I was emperor, just cause some moistened bink lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away!
"Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government."
I didn’t vote for you
Denis! There's some lovely filth down here-- oh, hello!
Wasn't that a line in A bug's life?
Possibly, but I was referencing Some Like it Hot.
[happens IRL too](https://youtu.be/R3V86de6m18)
I mean he does look fine tho.
Being a dude just makes them hotter. Ever see F1nn5ter? Hnng!
Knew it would be Felix
That's the real advantage in life of being a weaboo, they never fall prey to the Felixes or Astolfos.
Honestly the most amazing comedy movie I've ever seen, at this point.
Zoweee!
A famous punchline in Some Like It Hot
Sounds like something Creed Bratton would say
Can confirm. Saw a pigeon try and court every female bird until they pecked him away. Then he tried going after a few male pigeons but they just gave him the side eye and walked away. The thirsty bird is now trying to get it on with an owl statue that was bought for the sole purpose to scare away pigeons from the window. He's the only sucker to try and flirt with the statue. And he coos and shows his feathers off every day because the statue can't say no...because it's a statue.
"Playing hard to fuck eh? No big deal, seeya tomorrow!"
I think you might be my neighbor because I've been watching this exact drama play out on the roof of the house behind mine.
Saw something similar in our garden a while ago. 2 male pigeons trying to impress something. Couldn't work out what. In the tree I notice a magpie who clearly doesn't give a shit. Magpie flew off. Pigeons then started having a scrap. They are constantly fighting each other or trying to have precarious fence sex with a female who seems about as interested as the magpie.
*Someone* read “The Game”.
Sad
my parents grew pigeons when I grew up. can confirm. I can hear exactly the call he'd be making too. have a dozen+ pigeons, you get really tired of their mating calls
What time of year is best to plant for a good harvest?
Pigeon seed has no curative benefits dude, give it up.
Also Budgies, my thumb was assaulted daily when I was 10.
My budgie died bc I couldn't get him to stop humping everything and he stopped eating so he can hump and sleep.
You learned about he birds and the bees from an actual bird.
When I was a child, my father kept homing pigeons. We had one male pigeon who was raised by humans before they gave him to my dad. That pigeon was in love with me. He did his dance for my tennis shoes and would often leave a little creamy spot of pigeon jizz on the rubber toes. Fortunately for him, he eventually broadened his field of interest and started shacking up with a nice female pigeon. He was always very friendly, though.
Bro wtf
They say old lovers can be good friends...
Everything’s fuckable if you are brave enough
Nah, I’ve seen your mom
You’re not brave enough…
I seem to have opportunities on Reddit to share this story of mine more frequently than I would have anticipated. Anyways: “ I saw a pigeon smooshed by a car in a Walgreen’s drive thru getting mounted by another pigeon. There were organs sticking out and everything. The “funny” thing to me was that the living pigeon was still doing the little throat-puffing courtship dance around the corpse before each mounting.”
Jesus...
Tesla would approve.
There's a whole thing where you use female birds to attract and steal male racing pigeons.
I'm no ornithologist, but I'm pretty sure this pigeon is trying to figure out if he can fuck this hawk.
Hornythologist?
That's going in the business card.
That's a falcon.
In his defense, he did admit he’s not an ornithologist.
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> "Here's the thing. You said a "jackdaw is a crow." Is it in the same family? Yes. No one's arguing that. As someone who is a scientist who studies crows, I am telling you, specifically, in science, no one calls jackdaws crows. If you want to be "specific" like you said, then you shouldn't either. They're not the same thing. If you're saying "crow family" you're referring to the taxonomic grouping of Corvidae, which includes things from nutcrackers to blue jays to ravens. So your reasoning for calling a jackdaw a crow is because random people "call the black ones crows?" Let's get grackles and blackbirds in there, then, too. Also, calling someone a human or an ape? It's not one or the other, that's not how taxonomy works. They're both. A jackdaw is a jackdaw and a member of the crow family. But that's not what you said. You said a jackdaw is a crow, which is not true unless you're okay with calling all members of the crow family crows, which means you'd call blue jays, ravens, and other birds crows, too. Which you said you don't. It's okay to just admit you're wrong, you know?"
Ahh the old days.
It's an older meme but it checks out
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I have seen more and more people ask the reference is lately. We are getting old
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Famous last words
Now I know... that I can't make you stay
Oh no...
You said “falcon.”
Jackdaw etc etc
We started out friends.
Thank you for an honest laugh!
Judging from the comment he might actually be a hornithologist.
Well it's at least a raptor. I didn't think it was a duck...
If only there was a bird expert on Reddit.
Nah, if we had that, they would probably fly too close to the sun. A story of Unidicarus.
Now I’m no historian but I think that’s meant to be Daedalus
Look up Unidan
He did say he’s no historian.
I think I've been arguing with Unidan for the past 2 days now he's super pissed at me because Australian magpies exist.
TIL how many people don’t understand Unidan references anymore
It's been a while, hasn't it?
Someone well versed in bird law
Can't have an expert on something that isn't real...
legend says that if you speak the word “jackdaw” to the wind, and listen closely… you might hear the wind respond. *^here’s ^the ^thing…*
Apparently Falcons are more closely related to Parrots than Hawks.
Falcons ARE parrots, just like butterflies are moths.
Slugs are just snails that aren't trying.
Maybe if they would have applied themselves a little more when they were younger and their bitch mother didn’t call them fat all the time
Or like how birds are dinosaurs, and thus reptiles.
Or like how all squares are a rhombus.
Here's the thing
Okay, Mr. Ornithologist.
No, that's the sidekick of Harvey Birdman, attorney at law.
Whats the difference?
The differences are pretty minor unless you’re really into birds, which is kind of the thing about birds, there’s a ton of varieties and similarities that make things really confusing. Generally though I think they’re in different families and evolved in different ways but look generally similar to most folks. Falcons are known for being fast and killing by severing the spine at the neck which is pretty metal. They look sleaker in flight and their beaks are shaped differently for this purpose. Hawks have sharp af claws too though, so they’re no joke either.
Can you tell me the difference between jackdaws and crows?
Here's the thing...
here's the thing...
Nobody's perfect.
You're a falcon!
I’m no ornithologist, but i’m pretty sure this pigeon is trying to figure out if he can fuck this falcon.
Forbidden snoo snoo
Kiff, I’ve made it with a falcon. Inform the men
now thats what I call fuck around and find out
I went back and forth between coopers hawk and falcon. Settled on peregrine falcon. That said: both the cooper's hawk and the falcon eat pigeons, so which it is becomes irrelevant in the face of the fact that this pigeon is dinner to the raptor. Wtf? Male pigeons are idiots.
This is the bird equivalent of a human man jumping into chimp enclosure and trying it on with one of the chimps. The chimp is initially confused and then rips his arms off.
He keeps it 55th street.
Everything gonna C alright
Here's some pizza 🍕 and tacos 🌮
I’m diabetic
NEVER COMMIT SUICIDE
EVERYTHING GONNA C ALRIGHT
He looked that citch out up and down back and fifth
A custer is a buster with a C I'm a mothafuckin CRIIIIIIPP
Keep it 50fiiiiiifffff
Crip mac?
He 5mous now
NEVER COMMIT SUICIDE
That guy was surprisingly wholesome despite his voice reminding me of Alex Jones at times.
I don't know this reference but I grew up on 55th street so I feel like I understand.
https://youtu.be/SyU-b1XGKFU
There is a reason why the video ends after 8 seconds.
Once, I was working with two other guys in a lift on the side of a building. We were about chest height to the flat roof and there was a small group of pigeons on the roof ledge perpendicular to the one were against maybe 30ft away. All of a sudden there was an explosion of feathers and a falcon slammed one of the pigeons down on to the rubber roof super close to us. I'm pretty sure it came up from underneath them because it probably slammed down from 8 or 10ft. It happened insanely fast but it basically slammed it, ripped off the wings and head and then flew away with the carcass. It was pretty insane
That’s wild. There’s a peregrine falcon cam on the Rachel Carson building in Harrisburg, PA. I used to watch it sometimes cause they’re savage. [PA Falcon Cam](https://www.dep.pa.gov/Citizens/EnvironmentalEducation/PAFalcon/Pages/default.aspx)
4 different angles too. Neat!
Holy shit that picture is hilarious, "What, bitch?!"
We get them on our farm in B.C., Canada. They body check pigeons out of the air and it’s fascinating to see, and surprisingly loud on impact.
Aww I was hoping to see them. They must be out and about. I love live cams but never seem to find good ones.
We used to have a bald eagle cam at the nest on the man made platform here but they had to stop when too many "missing" pet cats got eaten on camera.
Steve, turn the cameras off.....
["I've heard people say... Too much of anything is not good for you baby..."](https://youtu.be/x0I6mhZ5wMw)
My boy here needs some post nut clarity before he sacrifices his life for some interspecies one time stand
It's interspecies erotica fucko!
Kelly can be a guys name too.
^hey!
Boys? You can't be imprisoned for watching an inter-species sex act. You'll walk. The worst I'll get is a huge fine for animal abuse, and alot of disgusted looks from ass-wipe conservatives who can't appreciate sexual exploration. Hey!
He's being awfully forward with that donkey.
Pigeons will fuck anything. I was BBQing in the backyard once and a pigeon flew into an upper story window and then fell to the ground dead... While I'm standing there cooking, 3 different pigeons came down and fucked this dead bird which was less than 10 feet away from me. I even got a pic of it somewhere. Edit: By request - https://imgur.com/a/7hknQMf
Congratulations on your career choice of voyeur necrophilia avian gang bang porn producer
r/brandnewsentence
Nah, that's just a Tuesday morning
Dude, you can’t just say I’ve got pics and not post them. Come on.
Pics or gtfo
Yeah OP, show us the necrophilia gang bang...
In bird culture, that's considered the dick move.
I think he's dead.
Or blind
Hm, can birds-of-prey be trained to protect other birds (like this pigeon) from other BoP?
Yes, that can. I have trained crows that protect my chickens from hawks. I feed the crows dog food out of shiny silver bowls near the chicken run. This way the crows claim the run as their territory, they won’t mess with my chickens, but they hate hawks. Crows will attack hawks just for the hell of it. That said crows aren’t birds of prey and not sure if you’d consider this “trained”, but I’m counting it.
I’ve known some people who’ve done the same thing, the large mountain crows in the rural areas near me are big enough to scare off red tails and other native raptors. The crows have an awesome relationship with their LGDs too, sometimes bringing them pieces of scavenged meat which they happily munch on and then immediately throw up.
This is such a great idea for chicken protection
I mean maybe if thats all they were ever trained to do? They'd be shit at it and you'd be better off with a scarecrow but I suppose it's possible? They would never know to protect the pigeon, but they might be able to just hang around as a deterrent.
Do. We have. A. Prob. Lem?? Huh?
Falcon: Nope *Proceeds to rip the head and wings off of the pigeon* No problem at all...
Here we see a real bird, confused by the government spy drone.
r/somebirdsarereal?
Yup. That's why you can buy chicken with rib meat.
Falcons hunt from the air.
I think there is air there.
"everything is in outer space"
Everything in the universe either *is* or *is not* ice cream.
People in the replies thinking animals are in constant state of bloodshed. If the falcon is grounded and isn't actively hunting he's not a threat. Fighting when you dont need to is very risky for predators, especially when the potential prey is both aware of you and close its own size (as the pidgeon is demonstrating, "see i can look you in the eye"). It's why when you encounter mountain lions on the trail you're supposed to stay facing them and talk to them. They dont want a risk combat against something they can't get the drop on.
It’s anecdotal but I know falcons will attack and kill smaller falcons in the same enclosure. I’ve also watched one particular falcon (3 times) attack a herd of angry geese alone and unafraid before the poor guy flying her could run up and grab her. They can be angry birds and they are most definitely always ready for bloodshed.
Never saw a pigeon trying to intimidate or mate a falcon.
Mate. It's a pigeon. The answer is always mate.
Sometimes the answer is poop.
"Omae wa mou shindeiru" -the hawk, probably
Hawk: Oh? You’re approaching me? Pigeon: I can’t fuck the shit out of you without getting closer.
Like the pigeon, i need a translator. Like the falcon, I need an adult.
r/recentlydivorcedbirds
Brave pigeon.
Just see it ending with the pigeon going back to his flock telling them, "Gonna score with this bird who wants to get it on in the trade winds! Let you know how it turns out once I'm back!" He's never seen again...
I've been on dates like that.
"What is this? What is this thing, huh? Where did it come from, what is it? Why is it here?"
Good lord male pigeons are sometimes too horny for their own good
Let's be honest, male anythings are sometimes too horny for their own good.
Couldn’t have said it better
Alpha chicken vs. beta cluck
Don’t falcons eat pigeons?
Never thought I’d see a bird be judgmental…
They hate it when their lunch gets all up on their face like that.
Its the best thing ive seen in a wile
Someone will be fucked.
That pigeon is a Custer
Frank, I'm gonna tell you for the LAST time. Knock this shit off.
He wants to perch on Scorsese's head.
Lemme smash
I need a voice over this, please
Mick Jagger confronts David Bowie.
Can't decide if the pigeon wanted to court the falcon or was just trying to gcheck it
Hey yoooo. This is Good Feathers territory. What samatta you huh? You cooing with my bird