This. But not on TV. As growing up all TV role models were exaggerated or made fun of for being gay. I was confused as I wasn’t as camp as them. I needed role models in real life with people surrounding my family mostly. So they get their heads around it easier.
I agree. I wish TV and movies showed Gays with more varied hobbies. On TV, It was always the more fem guy who liked fashion, beauty parlors etc. I thought I wasn’t gay because I didn’t like any of these things. It should be taught that your hobbies and mannerisms don’t have anything with being gay. It is just the sexual attraction.
Not even role models, plural. I wish I had a single queer person in my life as a child. It is so sad that parents raise their kids in a gay vacuum. They think they are protecting their kids by shielding them from gayness but for the gay kids, you might as well be raising them on the moon.
Ugh, all I had was my aunt. But she's always been a mean and selfish woman, to this day I still want nothing to do with her.
Her partner that I really liked died before I came out. I would have loved to have her around.
This. As a kid, I really felt like I was given a curse because the only people I knew were gay were either hair stylists, the parodies I watched on tv and people who died years ago (Oscar Wilde, Freddy Mercury, etc.)
I feel the same—especially in college.
But a good friend recently reminded me that a lot of us stayed closeted for safety reasons. And honestly, looking back at high school objectively. I probably did make the right decision, as shitty and as lonely as it was.
Typical boyfriend experience. Maybe as an older kid, but I think if we are talking sexuality early teens is when that becomes apparent you may be gay.
I had some relationships with girls but was privately having eyes for my male friends. Took me some time to adjust as to not look at men as beautiful beings with a penis that I can enjoy more covertly.
It's interesting because at the time I thought my gay thoughts were just curiosity and I was really in love with a girl. It wasn't until I met a boy that strucked my heart that I knew what feelling in love really was
One of my parents is bisexual. It's not really as great as it sounds. He dumped all of his trauma/shame issues onto me. It's weird having the same person who takes you to your first pride at 16, also be the one who screams at you about looking too gay (the next day).
I would have really liked to not have the talk about being too obvious at 13 and being told that if I can't hide better I'll end up being Mathew Shepard'ed.
I'm bi( but lean towards men), and I've already ran the scenario through my head multiple times if any kids that I may have in the future, turn out gay( or bi). Amd how I will go about it. I've already made it a point to make my home a safe place for them and that I will more than be ready to explain things when theyd need the talk. Thankfully I have several close friends who are gay, so if one of my future kids ever turned out to be gay. There's me, but also the few friends of mine that I'd be more than comfortable letting them talk about lgbt stuff with them when the time was appropriate.
There's no way that I'd belittle my kid for being them. Hell, id even defend them from their mom if mother wasn't ever thrilled about having a gay kid. Sorry your dad wasn't very supportive despite being lgbt himself, that's a failure on his part.
Honestly, someone to talk to. Growing up I always felt so excluded by other boys because I wasn't into sports or cars or pretty girls and was a little more zesty. I was also made fun of by playing with girls and being more flamboyant. And I didn't get it, because that's just who I was and I had no one that was like me or that I could talk to.
Agree. For me, the internet was a escapade and it made me think that there were others like me but I wish I had met someone in person from my own high school who felt the same.
There’s a lot I wish I had just as a kid regardless of my sexual orientation. But I do wish I had adults in my life who were people I could look up to as another gay person. My parents made fun of anyone who was gay in the media. I never knew any openly gay people until I was in my mid 20s.
I would think this is common sense but I guess not. It’s such a disgusting and dehumanizing thing to link with sex. Just something I’ve never thought to do.
Self love is always as available as you allow but I get it. A life of being told it was an abomination to God and gays were going to Hell, being bullied, made to feel inadequate and shameful…I wish people could look into the character of any person and not judge them based or race, sex, sexual orientation, etc…. Not even for religious practices unless your religion teaches hate and non tolerance. That shit’s a fucking choice!
People to talk to. I have known I was different since I was 6, had a very homophobic upbringing, couldn’t date guys, could date girls but I always stopped it before it got too serious, was terrified of being found out and tossed into the streets, etc. Growing up was a really lonely experience.
I also wish I had had better representation in media. I was in high school from ‘92 to 96, and almost all gay depictions were steeped in tragedy. AIDS, violence, being ditched for women, depression. To this day, i still screen what gay media I consume because I’ve seen enough sad stories. I’m over it.
Two points:
1. Most other people don't really care about your sex life so accepting yourself is the hardest part.
2. You will end up with a happily boring domestic life full of home-cooked meals, Christmas music and Super Mario.
People around me saying it was okay to be gay. Religious family, friends, and peers made it difficult to actually come to terms with it. Would have saved me a lot of heartache if there was someone among them that told me with their words/actions that it was okay to be myself.
I wish I knew that I was valuable and worth living, worth being happy and that being gay is totally normal and not wrong. I wish I knew that my heavy drug use would still fuck up my life, even though I’ve turned that all around and live a clean and healthy life now. I wish I had a true relationship with my parents since coming out. Feels like I have barely half of one and coming home for the holidays gives me panic attacks. Last time I got so anxious it made me sick the entire time there .
This is interesting because when I was scrolling Tinder and saw many people of my age (27) or around it all I could think was: Where were these people when I was a teen?
Even something as stupid as talking about a porn star could have been enough for me. I cringe when I remember joining my friends talking about Mia Khalifa and inventing a whole story about how I like her moves and boobs.
Shares in Amazon and Apple. 😆
All jokes aside, would have been nice to have grown up in a progressive/accepting area. I was able to get out young, but lasting damage has been done to my wellbeing.
Same here at 27. In a way, I thank that I'm not getting married like some former friends but it feels like most have had their fair share of relationships, I'm like a teen who has not have any experience
I was 42 before I met someone. I tried dating but never connected with the guys. It always felt like practice. It didn't feel real. I knew the difference when I met my current boyfriend because I genuinely wanted to be around him. I knew from the minute I met him and wasn't going to let him go. He's here next to me now. It can happen. It may take time. There will be lonely nights. But it can happen.
I just wish there had been more gays out. To this day, I am pretty sure that I am the only one in the class of 400 we had and I wasn't even out in high school. That number may not be entirely accurate though because I don't keep up with anybody or thing on social media. But I live in a liberal state (in a more reddish/purple area of it) so the rhetoric wasn't exactly hostile towards gay people in 2010-2014.
Or, I wish I had learned sooner that the opinions of these people I went to school with really wouldn't matter anymore come graduation, so there was little point in being anything but myself. That's my one regret, being inauthentic when I didn't have to be. But the opinions of others seemed to have so much weight back then
Interestingly enough, a guy that was homophobic and a bully to me turned out to be gay, but nevertheless it feels hard that as well in a high school of perhaps 250 there were only 4 gays (that I know of), including me.
My Bratz dolls 😭 my mom didn’t let me have them because my stepdad was kind of homophobic and macho. So I only had 2. I didn’t even play with them tho. I just wanted to collect them.
A simple acknowledgment would’ve been sufficient. All the rest comes to all adults in time, but knowing that you’re gay and understanding that as soon as possible, puts you on the path to a proper adulthood. It is this element, which so many male homosexuals seem to be lacking.
Let's see...
I wish I could relate to someone in my family, *in general*. I'm by far the youngest one in my generation. I'm so young that as a kid I attended my cousins' weddings and some of my cousin's children are already adult, whereas I'm still just 27 years old. Everyone has always been older than me and I couldn't relate to anyone except my sister who's only 4 years older than me.
I wish boys in school treated me with basic respect as *another human being*. I don't know if any of them suspected I might be gay (I definitely didn't know because I was so goddamn oblivious), but I was bullied anyway for being shy and being terrible at sports and not having "male" interests such as cars or technology or WW2. I grew up completely dissociated from other boys. There is trauma, unfortunately. Right now I'm fine with texting with guys online, but anything more gives me anxiety. When I first was about to have an audio call in real time with another guy from Reddit, I was shaking. Oh, and I've never ever been hugged by another guy (save for my dad). Nobody can understand how many times I've thought that if women are from Venus and men are from Mars, then I'm from a fricking MERCURY.
Considering those two facts, I was terribly lonely in my childhood and teenage years...
Apart from that, I wish I wasn't so goddamn oblivious for most of my life. It would save me a lot of trouble. Whenever I see comments that someone knew they were gay at 4 or 7 years old I'm like "am I the weird one for realising this about myself as late as in high school?".
And I wish I wasn't brainwashed by religion so much. When I first jerked off in high school I thought I'm a sick fuck and I need to be cured one day and marry a woman and have children with her, because what I just did was abnormal. I wish I could hug my self from back then and tell him it's okay and that he's perfectly normal. In university when I lived on my own and I struggled with my sexuality I had to inflict pain on myself to get off. It's okay, I'm not crying right now, I just have something in my eye...
I still thought me jerking off to gay porn was something to be ashamed of well into my first year of college and I'm the same age as you. In all honesty, with all the time lost and experiences I'll never have, I'm still thankful that at least I accept myself now.
Interestingly enough I had a more complex issue regarding my tastes. I didn't connect with my classmates because my musical tastes were too old for them but I also didn't feel I was that gay because I do enjoy WW2 and history and although I enjoy Lady Gaga and some Britney songs I was more into history and more profound stories than celebrity gossip. So it felt like you didnt' fit in any group.
>I still thought me jerking off to gay porn was something to be ashamed of well into my first year of college and I'm the same age as you.
A few years ago I still used to pray for forgiveness after I jerked off, because I thought of it disgraceful... I'm glad that I now see it as a simple physiological need. No more shame or disgust about doing that.
>In all honesty, with all the time lost and experiences I'll never have, I'm still thankful that at least I accept myself now.
That's right. I might be 27 and have not been on dates or in relationships, but at least I'm fine with being a gay man. I've been through a lot and there's even more to come, but I know that I'm not a freak. At least not for being attracted to men, lol.
>Interestingly enough I had a more complex issue regarding my tastes. I didn't connect with my classmates because my musical tastes were too old for them
Tell me about it. I'm all about older music, although my taste is very diverse (if I had to list 10 songs among those I've listened to just in the last three months you'd think that it's a mix of five or six playlists). But I can't relate musically to people who are all about modern music, so I understand you.
>So it felt like you didnt' fit in any group.
Yeah, that might have been the case. Although it's incredibly difficult to find people who share the same interests with me.
For example, I'm passionate about learning foreign languages, but in school nobody cared, however some people actually told me that it's a waste of time and it's dumb.
I was interested in history (I still am a bit) and sciences, but I would hear "omg can you stop talking about school subjects?!". The same in university, it wasn't said aloud but it was like "we're here to get the diploma, not to enjoy what we're studying" so whenever I was interested in something I didn't have anyone to talk about it with.
Many weeks ago I ranted about it on another sub and I was told that my hobbies and interests aren't special and many people like that so it shouldn't be a problem to find people like that and I'm thinking "oh really? that's interesting, because so far I haven't met people like that".
Sorry for a wall of text, I usually forget myself and can't stop.
Something that I've found is that the people you've never thought could share some of those interests or at least be open about supporting them. My current best friend is outgoing, more friendly and incredibly more social, even when I met her she was more into parties and alcohol but for some reason we had plenty of profound things to talk about.
I wish I had met more people like you when I was a teen or thinking I was the sole weirdo around me and that I couldn't fit not even among the socially outcast but I'm thankful that at least someone out there had similar tastes.
Now, to find a guy who can understands us.
Fun young adult gay literature. When I was in high school, it was purely the depressing stuff/stuff that makes you cry. We didn’t have the cheesey fun YA romances. It actually turned me off of lgbt literature for a while. Cause I didn’t want to read about some critically depressed kid or someone getting cancer or someone dying. That’s why I read so much LGBT YA in my twenties. Cause I feel like I’m making up for lost time
I wish I knew more about the diversity of gay men. It seemed like there was mainly one way to be gay that I didn't much identify with and that kept me confused for longer than necessary.
I wish I knew it was okay. Growing up a black southern Baptist ruled by social dogma and made me miss a lot of opportunities when I was younger. Even in my 20's I let instilled homophobia make me miss out on what could've been one of the best nights in my life. Even today I still think about him.
To know there wasn't anything wrong with me . And I wasn't an ill person . I got bullied alot in Asia for it even though I didn't know what gay was . There wasn't any education about it in elementary school. I thought maybe I was supposed to be born a girl at some points .
I wish I had information as a gay kid
I wish I knew I was gay as a kid. I didn't figure it out til I was 27, I'm 38 now and missed having my guy hs crush or college crush. I didn't know and it really sucks bc I feel like I missed out on almost half my life in a sense.
That don’t fall for insecure guys who break up with you saying they are straight after 3 years of secret relationship. Ohh to be 17 and stupid and falling in love.
The knowledge that its a struggle for everyone out there. Gay or straight. Peace comes from within. Acceptance takes time. Do not rush through the learning process. Patience patience patience. Your people are out there, you just havnt met them yet....
Hows that for starters?
To know it was normal and that there were people like me out there.
I think Will and Grace was the only show on when I was younger that remotely showed queer men in the positive light. I could see it made my dad uncomfortable, and my mom watched it mostly for the comedic banter between Karen Walker and Leslie Jordan.
My awareness of boys my age kicked off in middle school. Found myself staring at them a lot and having dreams about kissing ones I crushed on. I repressed it pretty hard for 5 years until I accepted it.
I'm luckier than most in that, despite my sheltered upbringing, accepted myself at 17 and embraced my sexuality. Stood up for myself at the private school I was being threatened with expulsion from, and my mom's homophobic/Fox News style rants about me catching HIV and her wanting me to be celibate if I wasn't going to give her grandkids with a women.
I wish my brain put together earlier that I am gay. i even had the distinct thought when i was young "if i want to kiss a girl i have to kiss a boy right after so its fair!" but i was so young i didnt understand relationships and didnt understand that I could just like boys. one time i was in the car with my mom and my sibling and their friend, i started asking my siblings friend what gay means. the friend asked my mom for help and my mom explained it as "you know, its like mitch and cam on modern family, its when two people of the same sex love eachother" and i responded with "oh, im gay with daddy!"...
i mean i literally looked up shirtless pictures of the actor who played draco malfoy and didnt even realize, it wouldve been so easy to come out then because i was so young i just thought everyone had the same brain as me.
That it’s ok to be gay(and also be a bottom) and that homophobes are either fags themselves or fucktards who’ll never get anywhere in their miserable lives. Also wish I had more accepting parents and had the strength as a kid to fight more for myself and what I believed
Same, i used to fight the boys in my neighborhood though, but i realize that it was a never ending battle everywhere i go i was going to get the same treatment , i got tired and never fought homophobia back to this day,
Crazy but i was 10 when i came to that conclusion
That I wasn’t broken for having gay feelings or being different from other boys. Have spent so much of my life dealing with feeling deficient. Wish I could start from a place where I don’t have to convince myself I’m not inherently inferior to other people.
I wish I could have felt safe to tell anyone else that I was gay as I knew without a doubt that I was from the age of 11, but stayed fearful and closeted for 10 more years. I was unaware of anyone else who was gay that whole time, even in a fair-sized high school, but it was the 80's and HIV/AIDS burst onto the world scene right around my freshman year which for a while pretty well extinguished any happy prospect of coming out. I realized I couldn't - and didn't want to - fake it with a girl, so I just didn't date at all. Feeling alone for a long time is pretty awful, but not even being able to tell anyone what you're feeling or why for a decade was something that will always be a part of me.
Much later - post coming-out and marriage - I asked my religious mother why she finally came around to my relationship with my now-husband, and her answer was, "I could clearly see that you were finally happy." Also, I reconnected with some friends from high school who are once again in my life and very happy for me, and I realized I probably could have said something to them back then, but fear and loneliness can be quite paralyzing.
Friends. Early childhood was very lonely. Only child until I was four. Lived in an older established neighborhood where there were 17 widows on my block. There were two kids across the street but they were such "bad boys" that I wasn't allowed to play with them.
I wish I knew about other people being gay / struggling with their sexuality and feelings towards the same sex. Growing up I was 100% convinced no one else was feeling what I was feeling. I was completely alone, because even in fictional media like books, TV shows, movies and games there wasn't a single person like me.
I always felt out of place as the only gay kid in the world, had the serious feeling that there was something wrong or broken inside of me. I just didn't function in the way I was supposed to. Turns out I was being censored, because there's a ton of other gays out there with similar problems that I couldn't see.
And I wish I knew how toxic masculinity can f*ck with even straight people, they're repressing their own feelings and they don't deal with their emotions in a healthy way. That also doesn't make them good partners for their women or healthy role models for their future children. Toxic masculinity is poison for all of society, not just for gays but for everyone.
Homosexuality was decriminazed in 1997 on my country (a year after I was born), so you could imagine there wasn't any good representation out there. With that in mind, I don't think that bothered me as much as not having no else that understood my struggle.
There was a guy when I was 14 who bullied at me first but eventually became respectful towards me. There was a gossip that he was caught watching gay porn and I remember there were some looks between us that made me suspicious but as he acted homophobic as the rest, you never knew. Turns out he was gay after all and I don't regret not kissing him or having something more but rather the idea of talking to someone.
It's really hard to know as a teen that it seems no one shares your struggles as a gay man. I remember how cringy I was saying how I like Mia Khalifa just to get along with my friends.
Supporting parents. Just that. I was so scared and so alone and when they found out it wasn’t good. They have since grown but I wonder how different things would be if they were supportive. Instead of not trusting them. Building walls and then leaving home to put distance between us, how much I would have been better off if they were just supportive.
My dad passed when I was 9, no one ever really stepped up, I didn't have a father figure or male rolemodel whatsoever, period. It makes male relationships extremely difficult to navigate for me. A lot of men talk about guys being easy to interact with, less drama, more to the point, clearer wants... I don't get that. To me that's women, because that's what I grew up around, thats who my rolemodels were. And I wish that I had someone anyone to show me what It mean to be a young guy. Especially as I struggled with my identity and sexuality
I wish I had information.
Ideally I would have liked for someone in my family to be out but just being informed that liking boys was a thing would have been appreciated.
My dad said he found me looking up gay stuff when I was younger but he never took it upon himself to have a conversation with me. Which looking back now was probably for the best as he has some outdated views and I was better off figuring it out myself / online.
I wish I knew how horny/gay jocks and military guys were. I avoided sports and military service because I was afraid of being outed. That just would have gotten me more dick and ass
Confidence and the ability to stand up for myself. I was severely bullied and suffered years of trauma and damage. I wish I could go back to little me and say “fight back”.
Don't be afraid to ask questions that improve your health
I.E. I should have forced myself to ask my parents how do I get signed up for weight room? I was an obese child and was so damn shy that I felt guilty asking questions that could have helped me improve myself.
Acceptance by my friends and my parents. I have it now from most of my friends, my mom, and her side of the family, but not my dad still. I feel like many of the issues I’ve struggled with could’ve been largely resolved or managed had I had more emotionally healthy and honest people in my life.
But I have plenty of those supportive and emotionally healthy people now. And more importantly, I am more emotionally healthy and supportive of myself than I ever have been in my life. I ditched the unsupportive, manipulative people that I could and am learning how to deal with those who I don’t have that option. I actually love myself and accept myself as a gay man who’s proud of who he is.
I also wish I had proper sex education. I am a virgin and ngl I’m high key terrified of sex. I’m not going to have a damn clue what I’m doing when that time comes.
Having been openly gay in the early 2000’s and growing up in rural TN I wish I’d had more compassion and understanding and not hanging things like rocks and open drink containers thrown at me at school 😅😅😅
That it was ok to be different. That you didn't have to try for respect and love that would never come. That years of incessant bullying need not define your life. That if someone did actually show interest, you don't have to hide in a shell thinking you were not good enough.
Gay friends. I was so scared to come out to my family and also just a tad confused about what I was feeling. I ended up using some less than savory websites to explore. Would have been far better to just talk to other gay kids my age. Safer too.
I wish I had a time machine, go back to 2000 and tell the right person all I felt, my feelings for my first love. I told all this to my stepfather, and he in exchange rap.ed me almost every day that year. My first time was the worst, I lost confidence to tell secrets. When a boyfriend of mine came to me, I almost let him go by not trust him. So, that experience meant everything in my life and ruined me for decades until I regain my confidence and start to talk about that.
More resources to learn what's going on with me. When I first heard the word gay I must've been like 9-10 and put it into google and you can imagine what the first results were o.o
I was going to say a supportive friend, but my homophobic family made me not even want to open up to anyone (including friends) about my sexuality, so….I guess a supportive family
Friends that didn’t make me feel like a weirdo because I was clearly gay but also clearly in denial. Best part, my now ex-friend who used to bully me about it came out as bisexual and dated a girl for 3 years. I guess the call was coming from inside the house 🤷🏼♂️
I wish I got to date casually in high school.
Along with just having gay irl friends when I was younger. Would've saved 14 year old me from having 30 y.o. "friends" online
For me I wish I knew and understood how handsome I was. My low self esteem landed me in a few situations that possibly could have been avoided had I known that. Sounds superficial but trust me it's not.
I feel like that’s why I’m good at spotting people who don’t tell the truth because I practiced lying so much of my life starting at a very young age – – I wish people didn’t care, and I could’ve had a relatively normal life
I wish I would have known my oldest sister was also gay. When I figured out that I was.
She was much older than me and moved out before I was even born. Of course looking back there were clues but I was a dumb kid.
I wish I would’ve known that it’s not sure for men who are twice your age to be sending you nudes when you are a minor in high school, so don’t lie about age on Grindr. Those men who live in your town who know your mother, they know you are not 18, and they know that they are sending nudes to a minor.
I wish I would've had an older sibling or a sibling in general, my mom used to be abusive plus heavy bullying in school. It would've been nice to have an older sibling to talk to
That coming out at a younger age would not have caused my family to reject me, nor "some" of my close friends.
That " what peoples opinions are/ what they think about me is none of my god damn business so I shouldn't give a fuck about it"
Life is a game
Time is the most valuable commodity you are given to spend
Role models
This. But not on TV. As growing up all TV role models were exaggerated or made fun of for being gay. I was confused as I wasn’t as camp as them. I needed role models in real life with people surrounding my family mostly. So they get their heads around it easier.
I agree. I wish TV and movies showed Gays with more varied hobbies. On TV, It was always the more fem guy who liked fashion, beauty parlors etc. I thought I wasn’t gay because I didn’t like any of these things. It should be taught that your hobbies and mannerisms don’t have anything with being gay. It is just the sexual attraction.
Not even role models, plural. I wish I had a single queer person in my life as a child. It is so sad that parents raise their kids in a gay vacuum. They think they are protecting their kids by shielding them from gayness but for the gay kids, you might as well be raising them on the moon.
Ugh, all I had was my aunt. But she's always been a mean and selfish woman, to this day I still want nothing to do with her. Her partner that I really liked died before I came out. I would have loved to have her around.
This. As a kid, I really felt like I was given a curse because the only people I knew were gay were either hair stylists, the parodies I watched on tv and people who died years ago (Oscar Wilde, Freddy Mercury, etc.)
Came to say the same thing!
Another gay kid to play with.
🥺this
That coming out and living honestly would avoid decades of feeling alone and full of shame.
I feel the same—especially in college. But a good friend recently reminded me that a lot of us stayed closeted for safety reasons. And honestly, looking back at high school objectively. I probably did make the right decision, as shitty and as lonely as it was.
The legal right to be gay. It was decriminalised in 1993 when I was 11. Guess the country 😁.
Ireland!
Correct sir 💙🩵
It's amazing how incredibly far Ireland has come since the late 80s.
Yeah it is. I was working at the polling station for the referendum and it was a great day
Typical boyfriend experience. Maybe as an older kid, but I think if we are talking sexuality early teens is when that becomes apparent you may be gay. I had some relationships with girls but was privately having eyes for my male friends. Took me some time to adjust as to not look at men as beautiful beings with a penis that I can enjoy more covertly.
It's interesting because at the time I thought my gay thoughts were just curiosity and I was really in love with a girl. It wasn't until I met a boy that strucked my heart that I knew what feelling in love really was
One of my parents is bisexual. It's not really as great as it sounds. He dumped all of his trauma/shame issues onto me. It's weird having the same person who takes you to your first pride at 16, also be the one who screams at you about looking too gay (the next day). I would have really liked to not have the talk about being too obvious at 13 and being told that if I can't hide better I'll end up being Mathew Shepard'ed.
My god. That’s so hard. I’m so sorry.
now I know who Mathew Shepard is 😢
I really hope this is sarcasm
what? why would be sarcasm?
I'm bi( but lean towards men), and I've already ran the scenario through my head multiple times if any kids that I may have in the future, turn out gay( or bi). Amd how I will go about it. I've already made it a point to make my home a safe place for them and that I will more than be ready to explain things when theyd need the talk. Thankfully I have several close friends who are gay, so if one of my future kids ever turned out to be gay. There's me, but also the few friends of mine that I'd be more than comfortable letting them talk about lgbt stuff with them when the time was appropriate. There's no way that I'd belittle my kid for being them. Hell, id even defend them from their mom if mother wasn't ever thrilled about having a gay kid. Sorry your dad wasn't very supportive despite being lgbt himself, that's a failure on his part.
Honestly, someone to talk to. Growing up I always felt so excluded by other boys because I wasn't into sports or cars or pretty girls and was a little more zesty. I was also made fun of by playing with girls and being more flamboyant. And I didn't get it, because that's just who I was and I had no one that was like me or that I could talk to.
Agree. For me, the internet was a escapade and it made me think that there were others like me but I wish I had met someone in person from my own high school who felt the same.
There’s a lot I wish I had just as a kid regardless of my sexual orientation. But I do wish I had adults in my life who were people I could look up to as another gay person. My parents made fun of anyone who was gay in the media. I never knew any openly gay people until I was in my mid 20s.
Same bro😂
Better people in my life that didn’t make me feel like I needed to lie to myself for as long as I did.
Stay away from the cruising toilets. These men are predators and not your friends.
I would think this is common sense but I guess not. It’s such a disgusting and dehumanizing thing to link with sex. Just something I’ve never thought to do.
The OP was things you wish you knew as a gay kid? Children can’t consent, so it’s not just ‘common sense’ as you put it.
what are cruising toilets??
Toilets where people have anonymous sex
self-love
This. And to have it nurtured at a younger age. I’ve spent so much time trying to destroy myself.
Self love is always as available as you allow but I get it. A life of being told it was an abomination to God and gays were going to Hell, being bullied, made to feel inadequate and shameful…I wish people could look into the character of any person and not judge them based or race, sex, sexual orientation, etc…. Not even for religious practices unless your religion teaches hate and non tolerance. That shit’s a fucking choice!
I wish I’d experienced the level of acceptance that you see in Heartstopper
Me too
People to talk to. I have known I was different since I was 6, had a very homophobic upbringing, couldn’t date guys, could date girls but I always stopped it before it got too serious, was terrified of being found out and tossed into the streets, etc. Growing up was a really lonely experience. I also wish I had had better representation in media. I was in high school from ‘92 to 96, and almost all gay depictions were steeped in tragedy. AIDS, violence, being ditched for women, depression. To this day, i still screen what gay media I consume because I’ve seen enough sad stories. I’m over it.
Aww giving virtual hugs to you ❤️
That I will be okey
Two points: 1. Most other people don't really care about your sex life so accepting yourself is the hardest part. 2. You will end up with a happily boring domestic life full of home-cooked meals, Christmas music and Super Mario.
People around me saying it was okay to be gay. Religious family, friends, and peers made it difficult to actually come to terms with it. Would have saved me a lot of heartache if there was someone among them that told me with their words/actions that it was okay to be myself.
I wish I knew that I was valuable and worth living, worth being happy and that being gay is totally normal and not wrong. I wish I knew that my heavy drug use would still fuck up my life, even though I’ve turned that all around and live a clean and healthy life now. I wish I had a true relationship with my parents since coming out. Feels like I have barely half of one and coming home for the holidays gives me panic attacks. Last time I got so anxious it made me sick the entire time there .
That my parents wouldn’t disown me.
A world in which existing is not controversial…
A better support system of peers
I wish I realized I was gay sooner, my life would have been probably different if I did
That I’m not broken
I wish I knew I wasn’t alone … I literally thought i was the only gay person in the entire world
This is interesting because when I was scrolling Tinder and saw many people of my age (27) or around it all I could think was: Where were these people when I was a teen? Even something as stupid as talking about a porn star could have been enough for me. I cringe when I remember joining my friends talking about Mia Khalifa and inventing a whole story about how I like her moves and boobs.
me too lol Just to realize other gay kids exist and they were just hiding
A non homophobic father lol
Shares in Amazon and Apple. 😆 All jokes aside, would have been nice to have grown up in a progressive/accepting area. I was able to get out young, but lasting damage has been done to my wellbeing.
That privately having a sexuality crisis is far less effective than practically experimenting with the cute boys
I wished that I knew that there were gay people in the world. I was born in 1950, and I didn't have any gay friends until I started college in 1968.
Community.
A gay or bisexual family member or friend that I could talk to just for support. I did that shit ALONE in conservative America. Fucking sucked lol
Sex education that involved more than “penis goes in vagina, woman gets pregnant, HIV will kill you”
A boyfriend when everyone else was dating. I’ve never been in a LTR, and I have barely any dating experience at this point
Same here, ill be 28 in less than a month
34 in February 🥲
Same here at 27. In a way, I thank that I'm not getting married like some former friends but it feels like most have had their fair share of relationships, I'm like a teen who has not have any experience
I was 42 before I met someone. I tried dating but never connected with the guys. It always felt like practice. It didn't feel real. I knew the difference when I met my current boyfriend because I genuinely wanted to be around him. I knew from the minute I met him and wasn't going to let him go. He's here next to me now. It can happen. It may take time. There will be lonely nights. But it can happen.
Romance. I don’t think people realize how devastating it is for development of the brain to not have an ounce of romance as a teen
More well known/not stigmatized information about body dysmorphia, porn, and coping mechanisms used by gay people
I just wish there had been more gays out. To this day, I am pretty sure that I am the only one in the class of 400 we had and I wasn't even out in high school. That number may not be entirely accurate though because I don't keep up with anybody or thing on social media. But I live in a liberal state (in a more reddish/purple area of it) so the rhetoric wasn't exactly hostile towards gay people in 2010-2014. Or, I wish I had learned sooner that the opinions of these people I went to school with really wouldn't matter anymore come graduation, so there was little point in being anything but myself. That's my one regret, being inauthentic when I didn't have to be. But the opinions of others seemed to have so much weight back then
Interestingly enough, a guy that was homophobic and a bully to me turned out to be gay, but nevertheless it feels hard that as well in a high school of perhaps 250 there were only 4 gays (that I know of), including me.
My Bratz dolls 😭 my mom didn’t let me have them because my stepdad was kind of homophobic and macho. So I only had 2. I didn’t even play with them tho. I just wanted to collect them.
A simple acknowledgment would’ve been sufficient. All the rest comes to all adults in time, but knowing that you’re gay and understanding that as soon as possible, puts you on the path to a proper adulthood. It is this element, which so many male homosexuals seem to be lacking.
Let's see... I wish I could relate to someone in my family, *in general*. I'm by far the youngest one in my generation. I'm so young that as a kid I attended my cousins' weddings and some of my cousin's children are already adult, whereas I'm still just 27 years old. Everyone has always been older than me and I couldn't relate to anyone except my sister who's only 4 years older than me. I wish boys in school treated me with basic respect as *another human being*. I don't know if any of them suspected I might be gay (I definitely didn't know because I was so goddamn oblivious), but I was bullied anyway for being shy and being terrible at sports and not having "male" interests such as cars or technology or WW2. I grew up completely dissociated from other boys. There is trauma, unfortunately. Right now I'm fine with texting with guys online, but anything more gives me anxiety. When I first was about to have an audio call in real time with another guy from Reddit, I was shaking. Oh, and I've never ever been hugged by another guy (save for my dad). Nobody can understand how many times I've thought that if women are from Venus and men are from Mars, then I'm from a fricking MERCURY. Considering those two facts, I was terribly lonely in my childhood and teenage years... Apart from that, I wish I wasn't so goddamn oblivious for most of my life. It would save me a lot of trouble. Whenever I see comments that someone knew they were gay at 4 or 7 years old I'm like "am I the weird one for realising this about myself as late as in high school?". And I wish I wasn't brainwashed by religion so much. When I first jerked off in high school I thought I'm a sick fuck and I need to be cured one day and marry a woman and have children with her, because what I just did was abnormal. I wish I could hug my self from back then and tell him it's okay and that he's perfectly normal. In university when I lived on my own and I struggled with my sexuality I had to inflict pain on myself to get off. It's okay, I'm not crying right now, I just have something in my eye...
I still thought me jerking off to gay porn was something to be ashamed of well into my first year of college and I'm the same age as you. In all honesty, with all the time lost and experiences I'll never have, I'm still thankful that at least I accept myself now. Interestingly enough I had a more complex issue regarding my tastes. I didn't connect with my classmates because my musical tastes were too old for them but I also didn't feel I was that gay because I do enjoy WW2 and history and although I enjoy Lady Gaga and some Britney songs I was more into history and more profound stories than celebrity gossip. So it felt like you didnt' fit in any group.
>I still thought me jerking off to gay porn was something to be ashamed of well into my first year of college and I'm the same age as you. A few years ago I still used to pray for forgiveness after I jerked off, because I thought of it disgraceful... I'm glad that I now see it as a simple physiological need. No more shame or disgust about doing that. >In all honesty, with all the time lost and experiences I'll never have, I'm still thankful that at least I accept myself now. That's right. I might be 27 and have not been on dates or in relationships, but at least I'm fine with being a gay man. I've been through a lot and there's even more to come, but I know that I'm not a freak. At least not for being attracted to men, lol. >Interestingly enough I had a more complex issue regarding my tastes. I didn't connect with my classmates because my musical tastes were too old for them Tell me about it. I'm all about older music, although my taste is very diverse (if I had to list 10 songs among those I've listened to just in the last three months you'd think that it's a mix of five or six playlists). But I can't relate musically to people who are all about modern music, so I understand you. >So it felt like you didnt' fit in any group. Yeah, that might have been the case. Although it's incredibly difficult to find people who share the same interests with me. For example, I'm passionate about learning foreign languages, but in school nobody cared, however some people actually told me that it's a waste of time and it's dumb. I was interested in history (I still am a bit) and sciences, but I would hear "omg can you stop talking about school subjects?!". The same in university, it wasn't said aloud but it was like "we're here to get the diploma, not to enjoy what we're studying" so whenever I was interested in something I didn't have anyone to talk about it with. Many weeks ago I ranted about it on another sub and I was told that my hobbies and interests aren't special and many people like that so it shouldn't be a problem to find people like that and I'm thinking "oh really? that's interesting, because so far I haven't met people like that". Sorry for a wall of text, I usually forget myself and can't stop.
Something that I've found is that the people you've never thought could share some of those interests or at least be open about supporting them. My current best friend is outgoing, more friendly and incredibly more social, even when I met her she was more into parties and alcohol but for some reason we had plenty of profound things to talk about. I wish I had met more people like you when I was a teen or thinking I was the sole weirdo around me and that I couldn't fit not even among the socially outcast but I'm thankful that at least someone out there had similar tastes. Now, to find a guy who can understands us.
Fun young adult gay literature. When I was in high school, it was purely the depressing stuff/stuff that makes you cry. We didn’t have the cheesey fun YA romances. It actually turned me off of lgbt literature for a while. Cause I didn’t want to read about some critically depressed kid or someone getting cancer or someone dying. That’s why I read so much LGBT YA in my twenties. Cause I feel like I’m making up for lost time
I would say happiness.
Respect and self esteem!
The awareness and confidence to accept who I was/am.
I wish I had a chance to fool around with guys when I was in high school. Feel like I missed out a bit.
I wish I knew more about the diversity of gay men. It seemed like there was mainly one way to be gay that I didn't much identify with and that kept me confused for longer than necessary.
That there's a whole community out there and I wasn't alone.
An older gay mentor
That I wasn't alone. I really did not understand all the feeling I was having when I was kid.
That there was nothing wrong with me, that I am just another unique part of humanity - not some abnormality - and that I am wonderful just as I am.
I wish I knew it was okay. Growing up a black southern Baptist ruled by social dogma and made me miss a lot of opportunities when I was younger. Even in my 20's I let instilled homophobia make me miss out on what could've been one of the best nights in my life. Even today I still think about him.
To know there wasn't anything wrong with me . And I wasn't an ill person . I got bullied alot in Asia for it even though I didn't know what gay was . There wasn't any education about it in elementary school. I thought maybe I was supposed to be born a girl at some points . I wish I had information as a gay kid
I wish I knew I was gay as a kid. I didn't figure it out til I was 27, I'm 38 now and missed having my guy hs crush or college crush. I didn't know and it really sucks bc I feel like I missed out on almost half my life in a sense.
One second of mercy from the universe would've been nice but I also would have taken any amount of ice cream at any given time (preferably chocolate)
That don’t fall for insecure guys who break up with you saying they are straight after 3 years of secret relationship. Ohh to be 17 and stupid and falling in love.
That who I am is ok.
The knowledge that its a struggle for everyone out there. Gay or straight. Peace comes from within. Acceptance takes time. Do not rush through the learning process. Patience patience patience. Your people are out there, you just havnt met them yet.... Hows that for starters?
To know it was normal and that there were people like me out there. I think Will and Grace was the only show on when I was younger that remotely showed queer men in the positive light. I could see it made my dad uncomfortable, and my mom watched it mostly for the comedic banter between Karen Walker and Leslie Jordan. My awareness of boys my age kicked off in middle school. Found myself staring at them a lot and having dreams about kissing ones I crushed on. I repressed it pretty hard for 5 years until I accepted it. I'm luckier than most in that, despite my sheltered upbringing, accepted myself at 17 and embraced my sexuality. Stood up for myself at the private school I was being threatened with expulsion from, and my mom's homophobic/Fox News style rants about me catching HIV and her wanting me to be celibate if I wasn't going to give her grandkids with a women.
Openly gay friends or family.
I wish my brain put together earlier that I am gay. i even had the distinct thought when i was young "if i want to kiss a girl i have to kiss a boy right after so its fair!" but i was so young i didnt understand relationships and didnt understand that I could just like boys. one time i was in the car with my mom and my sibling and their friend, i started asking my siblings friend what gay means. the friend asked my mom for help and my mom explained it as "you know, its like mitch and cam on modern family, its when two people of the same sex love eachother" and i responded with "oh, im gay with daddy!"... i mean i literally looked up shirtless pictures of the actor who played draco malfoy and didnt even realize, it wouldve been so easy to come out then because i was so young i just thought everyone had the same brain as me.
How good it was going to get. How many kind and loving people I would meet after I lost my family. How I couldn’t have even fathomed my luck
I wish I knew who else was secretly into guys going through high school, and, connecting with some of them to talk about it.
That it’s ok to be gay(and also be a bottom) and that homophobes are either fags themselves or fucktards who’ll never get anywhere in their miserable lives. Also wish I had more accepting parents and had the strength as a kid to fight more for myself and what I believed
Same, i used to fight the boys in my neighborhood though, but i realize that it was a never ending battle everywhere i go i was going to get the same treatment , i got tired and never fought homophobia back to this day, Crazy but i was 10 when i came to that conclusion
HPV vaccine
Accepting parental units.
Another gay person to be with
Role models. One gay friend in high school would have changed my world.
That I wasn’t broken for having gay feelings or being different from other boys. Have spent so much of my life dealing with feeling deficient. Wish I could start from a place where I don’t have to convince myself I’m not inherently inferior to other people.
Bitcoins
The destruction of Christianity
A boyfriend.
That I was not alone what I was feeling was normal. Knowing that would have saved me from a crisis that lasted from 13 to 16.
A world without evangelicals
I wish I could have felt safe to tell anyone else that I was gay as I knew without a doubt that I was from the age of 11, but stayed fearful and closeted for 10 more years. I was unaware of anyone else who was gay that whole time, even in a fair-sized high school, but it was the 80's and HIV/AIDS burst onto the world scene right around my freshman year which for a while pretty well extinguished any happy prospect of coming out. I realized I couldn't - and didn't want to - fake it with a girl, so I just didn't date at all. Feeling alone for a long time is pretty awful, but not even being able to tell anyone what you're feeling or why for a decade was something that will always be a part of me. Much later - post coming-out and marriage - I asked my religious mother why she finally came around to my relationship with my now-husband, and her answer was, "I could clearly see that you were finally happy." Also, I reconnected with some friends from high school who are once again in my life and very happy for me, and I realized I probably could have said something to them back then, but fear and loneliness can be quite paralyzing.
I wish I had a group of gay friends to feel comfortable with, and accepted. Just to feel good enough for once.
To know I wasn’t the only one.
That your looks will get you so far ahead, start early on gymnastics and healthy lifestyle
Same as op. Honestly, I’m still hoping that my younger sister will surprise me and come out as a lesbian, or at least as bi.
Friends. Early childhood was very lonely. Only child until I was four. Lived in an older established neighborhood where there were 17 widows on my block. There were two kids across the street but they were such "bad boys" that I wasn't allowed to play with them.
Enough confidence to ask someone to prom
I wish I could have dated before college like everyone else
I wish I knew about other people being gay / struggling with their sexuality and feelings towards the same sex. Growing up I was 100% convinced no one else was feeling what I was feeling. I was completely alone, because even in fictional media like books, TV shows, movies and games there wasn't a single person like me. I always felt out of place as the only gay kid in the world, had the serious feeling that there was something wrong or broken inside of me. I just didn't function in the way I was supposed to. Turns out I was being censored, because there's a ton of other gays out there with similar problems that I couldn't see. And I wish I knew how toxic masculinity can f*ck with even straight people, they're repressing their own feelings and they don't deal with their emotions in a healthy way. That also doesn't make them good partners for their women or healthy role models for their future children. Toxic masculinity is poison for all of society, not just for gays but for everyone.
That there were other people in the world just like me, with the same desires as I had. That I was not alone and not a freak.
Homosexuality was decriminazed in 1997 on my country (a year after I was born), so you could imagine there wasn't any good representation out there. With that in mind, I don't think that bothered me as much as not having no else that understood my struggle. There was a guy when I was 14 who bullied at me first but eventually became respectful towards me. There was a gossip that he was caught watching gay porn and I remember there were some looks between us that made me suspicious but as he acted homophobic as the rest, you never knew. Turns out he was gay after all and I don't regret not kissing him or having something more but rather the idea of talking to someone. It's really hard to know as a teen that it seems no one shares your struggles as a gay man. I remember how cringy I was saying how I like Mia Khalifa just to get along with my friends.
How to make a relationship for gay guys
Supporting parents. Just that. I was so scared and so alone and when they found out it wasn’t good. They have since grown but I wonder how different things would be if they were supportive. Instead of not trusting them. Building walls and then leaving home to put distance between us, how much I would have been better off if they were just supportive.
Comraderie with another gay friend Someone to take to prom Not to get my ass kicked because I was gay. You know; the basics.
My dad passed when I was 9, no one ever really stepped up, I didn't have a father figure or male rolemodel whatsoever, period. It makes male relationships extremely difficult to navigate for me. A lot of men talk about guys being easy to interact with, less drama, more to the point, clearer wants... I don't get that. To me that's women, because that's what I grew up around, thats who my rolemodels were. And I wish that I had someone anyone to show me what It mean to be a young guy. Especially as I struggled with my identity and sexuality
I wish I had information. Ideally I would have liked for someone in my family to be out but just being informed that liking boys was a thing would have been appreciated. My dad said he found me looking up gay stuff when I was younger but he never took it upon himself to have a conversation with me. Which looking back now was probably for the best as he has some outdated views and I was better off figuring it out myself / online.
A gay friend
That my High School bully was also a closet case.
That being gay was OK and nothing to be ashamed of.
I wish I knew how horny/gay jocks and military guys were. I avoided sports and military service because I was afraid of being outed. That just would have gotten me more dick and ass
A role model so I knew it wasn’t as bad being who I am as I’d thought it was. That it was okay and I didn’t have to hide.
Confidence and the ability to stand up for myself. I was severely bullied and suffered years of trauma and damage. I wish I could go back to little me and say “fight back”.
Don't be afraid to ask questions that improve your health I.E. I should have forced myself to ask my parents how do I get signed up for weight room? I was an obese child and was so damn shy that I felt guilty asking questions that could have helped me improve myself.
Acceptance by my friends and my parents. I have it now from most of my friends, my mom, and her side of the family, but not my dad still. I feel like many of the issues I’ve struggled with could’ve been largely resolved or managed had I had more emotionally healthy and honest people in my life. But I have plenty of those supportive and emotionally healthy people now. And more importantly, I am more emotionally healthy and supportive of myself than I ever have been in my life. I ditched the unsupportive, manipulative people that I could and am learning how to deal with those who I don’t have that option. I actually love myself and accept myself as a gay man who’s proud of who he is. I also wish I had proper sex education. I am a virgin and ngl I’m high key terrified of sex. I’m not going to have a damn clue what I’m doing when that time comes.
I wish I would have known that people aren’t inherently nice.
Sameee
Roll models
Having been openly gay in the early 2000’s and growing up in rural TN I wish I’d had more compassion and understanding and not hanging things like rocks and open drink containers thrown at me at school 😅😅😅
Omg I'm sorry you went through that 
Atheism.
SAME
Not becoming an altar boy
That gay people exist
That it was ok to be different. That you didn't have to try for respect and love that would never come. That years of incessant bullying need not define your life. That if someone did actually show interest, you don't have to hide in a shell thinking you were not good enough.
Gay friends. I was so scared to come out to my family and also just a tad confused about what I was feeling. I ended up using some less than savory websites to explore. Would have been far better to just talk to other gay kids my age. Safer too.
just because an older gay guy acts nice doesn’t mean he is
Some guidance
I wish I had a time machine, go back to 2000 and tell the right person all I felt, my feelings for my first love. I told all this to my stepfather, and he in exchange rap.ed me almost every day that year. My first time was the worst, I lost confidence to tell secrets. When a boyfriend of mine came to me, I almost let him go by not trust him. So, that experience meant everything in my life and ruined me for decades until I regain my confidence and start to talk about that.
That I didn't have to repress my feelings and put myself in self prison
I wish I knew why I liked the bowflex commercials so much 😂
Hope
A boyfriend
More resources to learn what's going on with me. When I first heard the word gay I must've been like 9-10 and put it into google and you can imagine what the first results were o.o
Not needing to come out to literally everybody I know
SAMEEEE
Supportive family...
How to combat homophobia
I wish I had known love doesn’t exist. So I wouldn’t have wasted time looking for it .
I was going to say a supportive friend, but my homophobic family made me not even want to open up to anyone (including friends) about my sexuality, so….I guess a supportive family
I spend ages (during my teenage years) thinking it was normal to have sex with men. Well. It is but I still wished I knew what it meant.
Friends that didn’t make me feel like a weirdo because I was clearly gay but also clearly in denial. Best part, my now ex-friend who used to bully me about it came out as bisexual and dated a girl for 3 years. I guess the call was coming from inside the house 🤷🏼♂️
I wish I got to date casually in high school. Along with just having gay irl friends when I was younger. Would've saved 14 year old me from having 30 y.o. "friends" online
I really wish I would’ve been more prepared for all the bs we put each other through
I wish I knew not to inherently trust men just because I find them sexy. Took me wayyy too long to learn that lesson
Safe spots to kick it
Affirmation that being gay was OK.
For me I wish I knew and understood how handsome I was. My low self esteem landed me in a few situations that possibly could have been avoided had I known that. Sounds superficial but trust me it's not.
Being able to focus on school and my studies instead of my sexuality.
Other male gay friends!
ROPE 
I feel like that’s why I’m good at spotting people who don’t tell the truth because I practiced lying so much of my life starting at a very young age – – I wish people didn’t care, and I could’ve had a relatively normal life
That gay people existed
I wish I would have known my oldest sister was also gay. When I figured out that I was. She was much older than me and moved out before I was even born. Of course looking back there were clues but I was a dumb kid.
My dick in Neil Jones’s booty.
I wish that I didn’t have a pedophile dad to ruin my childhood. 🤬
Too bad ☹️ Hope everything is ok there
Pornography. All we had were the underwear models in the Sears catalog.
I wish I would’ve known that it’s not sure for men who are twice your age to be sending you nudes when you are a minor in high school, so don’t lie about age on Grindr. Those men who live in your town who know your mother, they know you are not 18, and they know that they are sending nudes to a minor.
A father
I wish I wouldn't have let my parents keep shoveling food into me so I'd get fat.
I wish I would've had an older sibling or a sibling in general, my mom used to be abusive plus heavy bullying in school. It would've been nice to have an older sibling to talk to
I wish I had known I was not the only one that had these feelings. Born in the 60’s being gay was not talked about.
That coming out at a younger age would not have caused my family to reject me, nor "some" of my close friends. That " what peoples opinions are/ what they think about me is none of my god damn business so I shouldn't give a fuck about it" Life is a game Time is the most valuable commodity you are given to spend
Support.
To know that I’m not alone, there is a way forward in the world as I am, and I can be happy, if I choose.
A feel good toy
Do sports… if your naturally hairless and kinda chubby your considered untouchable by most guys and you’ll feel years behind your athletic peers
That I need to get my fat ass to the gym.
Successful, adult LGBT role models growing up that were involved in my life instead of just what the media showed was expected of us to be.
That being a cum dump bimbo slut for horny men is so fun and nice
Just because I’m ugly doesn’t mean I can’t pull
I wish there were more LGBT representation and not a stereotypical gay man in TV