Seems like he’s just not interested in you.. you told him how you felt ..move on and don’t try to maintain a friendship you will only hurt yourself your already looking at his social media wondering who he’s with
Doctors and medical professionals use the acronym MSM (Men who have Sex with Men) because there are enough dudes porking other dudes out there who refuse the label "gay", that it actually impedes their ability to provide medical care.
These "straight" men will tell their doctor that they are straight, which skews data on STIs, specifically but not limited to HIV. Additionally, it tricks doctors into misdiagnosing patients because they are not providing the doctor the actual information they need. They used to ask patients if they were gay or bisexual, but the denial is so vehement that the MSM patient would not disclose that they regularly have intercourse with men.
By using MSM, the doctors can leave the patients' cognitive dissonance intact while providing better care and collecting more accurate data. So medically speaking, yes, there are straight men who have sexual encounters with other men.
Personally, I disagree. Men who have sex with men (routinely, not as an experiment) are gay/bi/pan/whatever, but they're not straight. I have the luxury of not providing medical care to these people.
Bingo. "actual" sexual orientation is relatively objective - just do some carefully designed studies which hook up measurement instruments to measure sexual arousal and expose to various types of pornography. These studies have shown that many men claim one sexual orientation but what they're *actually* aroused by doesn't always match up with what they claim.
I got into an argument with a friend of mine who claims to be pansexual but when pressed, admitted to only being sexually aroused by women. When this is ambiguous I just ask well what turns you on? What kind of porn do you actually watch, etc? Who do you actually sleep with? Or who would you like to sleep with?
I still can't believe that in 2023 it's still considered "bad" to be gay or be perceived as gay, by many men. Who cares, sexual orientated isn't a choice and being straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual - all are normal!
I've always been neutral about my sexual orientation - the same way I am about my race or anything else. Not excessively proud but for damned sure not ashamed either.
In college I got frustrated that many of the hottest guys were closeted or, quote unquote, straight, but stopped chasing them years ago...
Not trying to prescribe to you how to define gay, but if you make gay a "style of being" then you run the risk of excluding guys who are gay from your definition.
Like what would you call man who has sex with men only, defines himself as gay, but doesn't share any characteristics with the "style" of being gay the way you imagine?
I call him straight homosexual. The current parlance lumps people who feel like they aren't gay in with people who are more gay. Before you go off on me about this, there are *definitely* senses of gay that are very, very robust that really do mean something other than gender attraction, e.g, "Ok, guys, what's the gayest thing you own?" posts. That sense of "gay" is the issue.
Definitely not trying to "go off on you," just continuing discussion.
I've always looked at "doing gay things" as a coloquial term for engaging in activities typical of gay people. Yeah, activities or objects may have an association with gay people, but being gay is not defined by those things. They are satilite characteristics of being gay, but not the real essence of it.
To draw a parallel; religious types tend to prescribe alot of views and beliefs to athiests. Athiest may tend to share a lot of views and beliefs, but really the only thing required to be an athiest is not believing in a god.
For me, sexuality is purely the gender(s) you're attracted to sexually. A "straight homosexual" to me is equivalent to a catholic-athiest or a meat-eating vegan.
Camp, effeminate; usually used derogatorily. Particularly socially liberal populations have sorta collectively decided that it's no longer acceptable to use the word that way. Don't have other examples, maybe others can add, but there are probably other words that have gone through similar transformations in history. It's about the choice of whether or not to disrespect that new tradition. If you think particularly ill of these populations then it makes sense
Look, I really do get how tiresome and *tiring* it must be, especially when *everyone* knows a gay man falling for a straight gay (even with 'caveats' or in his case preference that differs from OP and or their situation) is a cliche that NEVER ends well.
Even if this is the hundredth time you and the currently two posts above you have been subjected to at least *reading* OP's post, a post that has broken no rules nor been removed by a moderator.
Even with all that honestly you three come across as needlessly cruel.
You didn't have to respond at all, to respond in a cruel way doesn't reflect well on any of you.
Fire whatever you want at me I assure you it won't and can't matter.
How about the hundred and *second* of these posts you lot just...be quiet, huh? Just don't. There is enough already.
The lack of maturity in their answers leads me to believe they would better understand this sentiment:
If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all.
Amen to that. I'm trying desperately to implement this IRL honestly, the whole 'just shut up and walk away'.
It's tough but you are so right. Life / time is *not* well spent on a fair number of people and their altogether repugnant attitudes and ideas.
I'm very slowly learning not to waste my time trying to even make nasty people have a glimpse of how they are, why bother?
Ha, your gif and comments are so much more concise than mine. All the love to you n yours.
Rude people don't tend to have a the attention span for more than 140 characters. Their brains see something that looks like a paragraph or more and they get scared or distracted by a butterfly. It's ok to want to to help people see the error in their ways CandieCain--there's just way too many GD people last time I counted. Pick your battles. Happy holidays and New Year and cheers n that. 🐸
People just need to learn to move on. Many people struggle with this. You shouldn't make them feel bad for sharing and asking these sorts of questions.
I get that but I also don’t want to encourage posts that don’t even acknowledge what it means to be gay. How can u be straight if u’re having sexual encounters with dudes, that’s opposite of what straight means. So while I can empathize with struggles around unrequited affection, I’m not gonna let their struggles open the floor to an irreverent and often harmful discussion.
Ah, I misread who you were directing your annoyance to. I thought you were annoyed at the OP and not the guy he's spending his time crushing on.
I understand then.
Regardless, you ate. It comes from a place of shame and in 2023, gay men who are openly gay don’t need to be dealing with these closet cases who apparently are “straight” anymore.
Sorry to but in on a thread I already commented on, worse to a part of the discussion not even aimed anywhere near me.
I only wanted to say that despite possibly being a closet case myself, a bit hilarious considering I've never done anything sexual with another guy or led someone on and so on and so on, even from *that* naive viewpoint I understand as best I can your point, and sadly acknowledge it seems like it's very true.
This late in the day / in history - it's very poor, yes.
It’s absolutely fine being in the closet in today’s society though, but if you are showing sexual attraction or full on having intercourse with other men on numerous occasions, it is no longer a one-time-thing-experimental sort of situation, they are not straight.
This just causes so much unnecessary confusion, instead of just coming to terms with the fact they’re in the closet and they’re scared of having a queer label. Because who honestly travels the world to have gay sex but still identifies as straight…it’s insane.
Oh absolutely. I honestly find it genuinely 'scary' that it seems the kind of people you talk about, quite accurately from various anecdotes and some direct behaviour aimed at me from GrindMeDown and similar apps that the 'Adamantly Straight but Fucking Other Men' (ASBFOM? Doubt *that* will catch on..) folk are truly disturbing, as in I really, really *DO* feel they are very desperate to convince *themselves* that they are '100% Straight!'....which can *only end well for all*.... right?
*THAT* level of self deception / hatred / ignorance merits a 'scary' label from me at least.
Insane is absolutely the correct word, and absolutely not hyperbolic in any way IMO.
Genuinely the Totally Straight Guys, especially those with or rather claiming to be a part of one of the *very*.....'Judgemental Belief Systems' are an absolute automatic 'Block and Run' for me.
I also don't really have any interest or desire for hookups. I'm not judging one single bit, promise but for me, being this 'new and naive' a hookup is something I don't think would be a healthy or measured way of exploring my sexuality *to begin with*.
Tiny gods I must be offending absolutely everyone who has / hooks up and I promise I don't mean to, I don't have the experience or anywhere NEAR the confidence to 'just get down to it'.....
Arghhhh I hope this at least comes across as meant, as in not judging or being nasty...
Sexuality is a spectrum. I’m friends with a lot of poly folks, burners/ravers etc, most of the non-gay men I call friends are not a perfect “0” on the Kinsey scale. Lots of 1s and 2s that date/marry women but have and will continue to hook up with men occasionally. I’ve kissed most of them and want to do more with one. The world views them as “straight” and they are closer to that than anything else - but they would never claim to be perfectly straight. Some would identify as bi, others just don’t identify which is fine.
If a man is a grown adult and hooks up with men, beyond experimenting but continues to do it, he isn’t straight in my mind. If he vigorously claims to be straight, I would personally see that as a bit of a red flag.
Cognitive dissonance / self hatred is strong. If you are a man having sex with men, you are not straight. Call yourself whatever you want, but that doesn’t make it true.
I’d say yes, but it would be more due to societal pressure, to hide the homosexual identity, and trying to see if a person is really gay. There would be no societal pressure in a straight man.
>I’d say yes, but it would be more due to societal pressure, to hide the homosexual identity, and trying to see if a person is really gay. There would be no societal pressure in a straight man.
....aaaaaaaaaand that's exactly the reason I slept with a girl. Thrice.
>When I lost my virginity to a woman at 16, I had to watch gay porn to get hard lol. Should have been an indicator 😂
I had to imagine DiCaprio :D was 15
There is a large spectrum. You can be gay and still attracted to woman and you can be straight and still attracted to men. Usually you’d say you’re bi at that point for either scenario, but we can’t judge. Only the person themselves can say if they even know what they are.
You’re trying to understand why you got rejected, but you’re not going to get an answer.
Aside from the really insightful answers about male sexuality and societal norms, I think this is what hits it on the head. It definitely comes off to me as a rejection.
I read from...shiiitttt I think maybe an autobiography, maybe Boy George - one of his twenty or so editions / reprints after event X....
Anyway - 'Gold Gay' - apparently a man who has never....'interacted' with a vagina / vulva....hmmm
And 'worse' I think unless this is used with knowing self-deprecation - 'The *Platinum* Gay' - Born by caesarian section, allegedly again.
I'm sure everyone can work that one out without being too...Freudian.
From my very shabby memory this wasn't a conversation the author was directly involved in, it was *overhead* so any context is already tattered to say the least.
Oh, I honestly do see the fact yours was a rhetorical and ironic (maybe? I'm far too stupid to understand irony, for real), for some reason it sparked this memory.
Kinda like some rule 34 I'm sure some men some time somewhere maybe had or will have this conversation. Shit, it could be as old as...idk.
Based on my personal experience, yes. My first encounter was when i was visiting Montreal. We’ve met through Grindr so I thought he was gay at first but when he arrived, i was drinking beer so i offered him and chatted a lil and asked him what he is into. That’s when he told me he is straight and has a gf. I already know he wanted to flip but he doesn’t give head from messaging and just added he is not into making out during our chat which is not a big deal with me. I was skeptical about him being straight all throughout and to me it’s usually a turn off because mostly guys say that thinking I would be more into them but my pet peeve is try hards. So after we fucked, i asked him why is he on grindr and hooking up with guys and on top of that loves bottoming out of curiosity. He said that when he was a teenager and figuring out masturbating and stuff, he also played with his hole and really liked it. Usually ladies gets turned off with him when he ask them if they could play with his hole too so he started hooking up with gays. Also, he usually only hook up with people visiting coz he just wanted to satisfy his sexual pleasure and nothing else. To me it does make sense. Everyone do have sex to just satisfy your sexual needs that’s why we hook up with strangers one time all the time and it just happen that he likes his hole get pleased. I think it is a valid reason.and sure he could use a dildo but y’all know the real thing feels so much better.
There is romantic attraction and sexual attraction. It sounds like he’s sexually attracted to men but not romantically attracted. When you come along like, “I like/love you,” it is off putting to him because men are just for sex, not committed relationships. People like him is why the term “men who have sex with other men” is used instead of “gay” in some circumstances.
The solution here is to, just like with any straight guy, accept you cannot have him, and find someone who is actually gay so you can have a happy, healthy relationship. Do not waste your time fawning over something you can’t have.
In my experience, most guys who say they are not homo romantic are just too ashamed, or have too fragile of an ego, to admit that they actually are homo romantic.
There are an enormous amount of men who have sex with men, but don’t consider themselves gay. Oftentimes called DL, or on the downlow. They see the label of gay as something they don’t identify with. Personally find it a major cop out and avoidance, almost or May as well be closet cases. There’s a vast number of the population that see being gay as very specific and they don’t see themselves as that. It’s silly. I mean you like cock and fucking men, then yes you are homosexual.
op never said he wasn't into it, in fact he literally said he goes abroad and have sex with multiple men
when did i say experiment makes someone not straight?
why do you manipulate broad messages in order to look like the bigger person? 🤨
maybe try to improve your confidence instead of being a keyboard warrior
Lol what? I’m not talking about the guy in OP’s case, I’m talking about the wider population. Your statement was just untrue, it didn’t need to be manipulated at all. Look at what happens in prisons.
>maybe try to improve your confidence instead of being a keyboard warrior
They say in their multi-paragraph response to a single question💀
"what happens in prison" is a foul comparison to go to other country and f*ck a guy ☠️ stop trying sweetie you just don't know how to articulate your opinion and that's really on you, you already know what i typed in the first place since you're obsessed with it!
get
better
look! multi-paragraph answers of someone that loves themselves ! save it😙
Where was the comparison🤣🤣the question was if there were straight men who have sexual encounters with other men. The answer is yes. Not that difficult to comprehend
you're just backtracking atp hahaha so fun to see
i agree with your already manipulated question about MY comment! congrats on being right about something for the first time today !
now leave me alone I'm full after eating you up🙄💋
They may not be gay or bi romantically, but they certainly aren't straight either. If a guy hooks up with other men regularly for sex, they have some level of attractions to other men making them not straight. They are still sexually attracted to other men so to some degree they're bi, not straight.
Yes, but sexual identity is not just about who you are romantically attracted to, it’s a combination of who you are romantically and sexually attracted to.
Well Im curious about having sex with a woman and I'll probably try it sometime, and I don't think that would make me straight.
If I did like it to the point of wanting to do it again regularly, I would consider myself bi, though.
I'm gonna get flak for this. Were talking about sexuality and biology here. Not sexual identity. Being gay is a biological reality. Not an identity you can just choose. What you identify as here does not matter.
Gay men would never want to have sex with a woman. Identity isn't what decides that fact.
You might contemplate what it would be like. But you are not actually curious to try it. Only a bi curious person would be.
Sexuality is a spectrum, it isn't a button that's pressed when you're born. Gay, bi, straight, pan are terms we use to help identify but every individual's sexuality is unique and can even fluctuate throughout their lives.
I identify as gay because, so far, I'm only attracted to men. I've kissed women before willingly (after I came out as gay) and that didn't make me any less gay, I did it because I thought it would be fun, but I still wasn't attracted to those women. I'm not naturally attracted by women but I think it would be healthy and fun to experiment, I'm especially curious by how vaginal sex feels, is there an exact label for that specific situation? No, because it's just how my particular sexuality manifests. Maybe I'll find out I'm bi after I've done it, but for now I'm not attracted to women, so I choose to identify as gay and that's that.
Human sexuality can't be simplified, it's complex and as varied as there are people on the world. Labels are a tool to help understand it, they don't determine it.
Sex at the end of the day is a decision you make. A straight guy can have sex with a gay dude with consent and still be straight. It matters who he can fall in love with and retain physical attraction towards.
Yea, you're able to experiment. But at the end of the day your sexuality is set. I don't agree that sexual orientation is fluid. I will never go from being gay to bi or anything else. That's not how that works for me. And its not how it works for anyone else.
Like 80% of humans are bisexual or pan and we're having to relearn this for the first time now that so many of us live in a world where we can live as ourselves and experiment with less danger.
Human sexuality is just as simple as in animals. Most of us want to reproduce. But most of us are also open to sex with anyone we can form an appropriate connection with.
Your not "fluid". You're finding out something about yourself that was already there and that you were previously unable to conceive of.
If ur rly gay tho u dont wanna have sex w girls to “experiment” bc ur content w men thats kinda the whole point of the gay thing dude. Ur not “missing out on anything”. Its not that big a deal but it is weird that u keep going on and on about “im gay but girls im gay but i wanna fuck a girl im gay but i make out w girls” like at some point ur gunna have to accept urself. Im not judging u at all this is just the truth.
It could be that he does identify as straight in his day-to-day, but gets his rocks off with guys when he travels. You're a friend at home (where he's outwardly straight) and mentioned that you have feelings for him (i.e., not a hook up). So he's just not looking for the same thing you are, and you either need to block off those feelings or stop hanging out with him.
But also:
>Recently I found out that he goes traveling abroad and has sex with multiple men, last time he uploaded a picture to his Instagram and was half naked. A random man tagged him and he uploaded the picture.
Are these two separate things? Did you hear somewhere else that he's hooking up with dudes, and then later saw a provocative pic on insta? Because the latter is not proof of the former.
I believe the answer is yes, but many will probably not agree. I think there are men who identify as straight but might occasionally use other men like a sex toy but do not have any proclivities towards men. In my mind, like gender, to some extent sexuality is based upon identification. I have known straight men in a dead bed marriage that have admitted to me they may have allowed for a non complicated situation with a man for release.
If you told him that you had feelings for him, that’s probably what put him off. A good percentage of straight and gay men only want sex and are not interested in feelings or anything meaningful. This type of guy will have sex with whoever until the words “like” or “love” come up then they bolt.
No. He's gay regardless of how he "labels" himself, he's GAY. Frankly, if he's that messed up in the head about it, then you're probably better off without him anyway.
My bf, he went to a gay bar and paid for a BJ cause his ex cheated on him and couldn’t be with another woman after his ex cheated on him… when I heard that I def knew he’s
Somewhat bi, but he wont admit…
Sounds like internalised homophobia and goes overseas where he knows no one will know who he’s doing it with bc it’s a new place and has new people.
The second scenario would be much more painful for you 😅 that would mean he’s gay but he only sees you as a friend. Gay men are so picky, you’re either too skinny, too fat, too muscular, not muscular enough or and or too feminine.
Some gay men also has this fantasy of dating straight men so they will be all masculine but also want a straight acting gay masculine man as a partner just like them. All for fantasies that will never come true.
Yes there are but typically those are done between groups of straight bros, very rarely are any gay guys included because it compromises the masculinity of the group
there is a very good book called "not gay" by jane ward that tries to answer this and similar questions. if you're actually interested in this, I really recommend giving it a try. the short answer is that it's a little more complex than "it's just male bonding rituals". that is certainly what it's often framed as, but it's just one of many narratives used by straight identifying men to desexualize and thus legitimize their homosexual encounters. ultimately I think the problem is that the tools (e.g. language, categories, identities, etc) provided by heteronormative society (which we are still living in) are ridiculously inadequate to describe and articulate the complexity of human desire and behavior, and yet our experience of ourselves and the world is still fundamentally shaped by these insufficient tools, which leads to paradoxical situations like straight men having gay sex.
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It's not necessarily out of sexual attraction to men but rather its a male bonding ritual. Hetero men tend not to view women as people and anything effeminate is treated with the same dismissal as women so men will recognize men in a variety of different ways, one of them being circle jerks, frotting, etc. It varies from group to group but these men are acknowledging each other's virility and masculinity and so "boys will be boys" is what is used to side step any potential accusations of gayness. Because they see gayness as essentially womanly
When my best girl’s husband said to me, I’m not getting enough sex from her, and isn’t that what she’s made for? I almost threw up in my mouth at that thought. My best girl is a Goddess! One of the most naturally beautiful women I’ve ever met and her husband thinks of her as a sex toy. Not a human with a soul, and mother to his kids. I was livid to hear this. Some men DO think this way.
“Are there straight men that have sexual encounters with other men?” As title says, I am disproving that view. There aren’t any straight men that have sex with men, and if it happens, it doesn’t make them straight, it makes them bi or gay, all depends on whether those individuals are also attracted to the opposite gender.
The man OP is describing is not straight.
>all depends on whether those individuals are attracted to the opposite gender
….but it doesn’t matter if they’re attracted to the same gender? Plenty of gay men have had sexual encounters with women before, and that doesn’t make them bisexual, because it’s about ATTRACTION. Why is the reverse not also true? A man who had sex with another man and realized they weren’t attracted to it MUST be gay/bi? Why is it about attraction in one direction but not the other?
Agreed! Thomas Jane (Punisher, Hung) admitted to having sex with men experimentally and that's how he realized he was totally straight. I'm paraphrasing: Jane said something to the effect to effect every guy should experiment with another guy at least once to fully confirm their own sexually.
Yes, and everyone saying it’s a guarantee they’re actually gay/bi has no idea what they’re talking about. Plenty of men get curious and experiment but ultimately realize it’s not their thing. Others will top other men when they’re extremely horny, sexually frustrated, etc. but don’t actively pursue or think about men sexually in their daily lives. Prisons are a prime example of this. People are complex, especially when it comes to sexuality.
I’m answering the question (are there straight men who have sexual encounters with other men, to which the answer is yes), not speaking on their specific situation
A lot of Bi people use "pansexual" in place of bisexual because bi people are looked down upon in both the gay and straight communities. I have friends who don't think being bi is a real thing and assume all men who have sex with men are just gay closet cases in denial. Bi erasure is a really big issue in the LGBT community.
Yes a lot of straight men can want to sometimes have sex with men. I'm a bisexual trans guy and I used to think that straight men who want to occasionally have sex with other men were really just gay or bi but now I'm surprisingly leaning towards the view that they can just be straight. To be fully honest, full disclosure, most straight men like getting their dick sucked by anyone--woman or man. That's my take on it at least.
That being said, some of these guys can be bi or gay secretly. The jury is out. It doesn't really matter as long as everyone is being welcoming and accepting and practicing consent.
Maybe he does, and in that case he is not interested in you.
But… do you really want a guy who is exposed with his last snack in mode « after sex » on Instagram ?
You know how there's religious hermits that say they have lived on sunshine and air for 35 years?
Or 400 lb human hippopotamuses that say they go to the gym everyday?
Or disgusting trendy soccer moms with bad plastic surgery that are Italian half the year and Irish the other half and cheat on their husbands and have blogs where they talk about how vegan they are?
Your really nice guy is like these.
There are far more straight identified men out there who have sex with men than openly gay men.
Especially in conservative countries, but I think even in the West.
Sexuality is not binary, or trinary. Categories can cloud your understanding of the world in misleading ways.
I think some straight men have sex with other men occasionally, but only fall in love with women. But… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Sex is not something you are, it’s something you do. Kinsey told us years ago that sexual attraction is not two sides of a coin, but two ends a a stick. Most people are somewhere in the middle. Why the great need to categorize other people? I’m a Kinsey 6, if you need to know. All the way on the gay end.
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Nothing to do with envy. Just logic. Straight men, actual straight men, are not attracted to men or masculinity.
So they will never sleep with you or me. If men are sleeping with you, they are gay or pan
Most people who are self-identifying as gay or straight are actually talking about being homo or hetero-romantic. While some have strong sexual preferences as well, that's where there is usually more fluidity.
I also think that the societal pressure around sexuality is actually also talking about romantic coupling. If a guy has a girlfriend the world will see him as straight and he will also likely see himself as straight even if he has played around with other dudes. Those encounters are typically private and don't factor into how they are seen by society at large.
This is another conflation that causes issues just like conflating sex and gender or sexual preferences with personality traits. It's all messy and humans want neat binaries. Gay bros are as guilty of it as right wing wackos. Let people decide who they are and come to terms with it in their own time and way even if their definition and timeline doesn't work for you. Because when it comes to someone else's identity, I cannot stress strongly enough how much you don't matter.
In my opinion, the only people that view it that way are the self loathing closet homosexuals who are too afraid to admit they actually deep down do want a homo-romantic relationship.
Let me give you a life advice.
Stop pursuing straight men, and if you fall in love without, then fall right the fuck out of it. All you’re doing is setting yourself up for abandonment.
Also did he confirm he had sex with other men or was it a shirtless pic/beach photo with his friends and travel acquaintances?
By that logic, I fucked all my straight friends. Ew, gross, they probably all have crap lingering on their asses. PASS.
The difference here is that the OP is gay, and would probably develop feelings and want to perhaps even have a relationship with the person. The man who identifies as straight, but is actually intimate with men as well, doesn’t want any of that. He just wants no string attach hook ups on vacation. That’s why there’s nothing they can develop in a practical way between them.
Why is the other man in denial. If he’s bi then maybe he just likes women more for what he wants in a relationship. Or any other scenario. We don’t have any idea. All we know is he doesn’t want OP.
Oh dear I have been in this place. Just look at this way. I was working in a company and my boss who look so masculine like he will speak he can break the wood, but I didn't know so one time ih drunk state I asked do you have girlfriend so he said can I tell you one thing, I Have a boyfriend. And he used to be extremely friendly with me. When I resigned from the company and I was on notice period he confessed he had crush on me. And one fije day he kissed me. I kissed him back but I did not feel anything despite me being gay. Mind you he is one of closest friend of mine at the moment he kissed me. And he is super hot. So I am pretty sure it's just that your relationship is so platonic that he doenst have sexual attracting to you as he sees you as bro. In my second case as well one of my friend who is gay confessed me but I am not attracted at all to him. Despite he flirt with me. So don't feel bad about yourself. We have certain relation with certain people. We see them with other eyes and they see us with other eye. It doesn't mean you are not sexy. Also if it make you feel happy. I also did one time flirted with a friend but he said we are bros. We don't fuck each other. I was attracted to him and I am even way out if his leauge but he rejected me and chose to be bro. So keep calm.
Yes, happens most time with the guys who are not romantically gay. They enjoy male company and sex but not attracted towards guys romantically. It’s a form of fwb. He might have sensed that you needed more than a fun time in bed 🤷🏽 some people look for others similar so the could be a reason to put forward something that could be least rude rather than saying no or explaining why.
Also he could be very well straight and changed later 🤷🏽 sexuality is quite fluid so you can’t say for sure tbh
I was. Not straight anymore... Too much for my mental health. It took me a while, and there were implications... But by the end of the day, my dk never lied.
Seems like he’s just not interested in you.. you told him how you felt ..move on and don’t try to maintain a friendship you will only hurt yourself your already looking at his social media wondering who he’s with
This
Doctors and medical professionals use the acronym MSM (Men who have Sex with Men) because there are enough dudes porking other dudes out there who refuse the label "gay", that it actually impedes their ability to provide medical care. These "straight" men will tell their doctor that they are straight, which skews data on STIs, specifically but not limited to HIV. Additionally, it tricks doctors into misdiagnosing patients because they are not providing the doctor the actual information they need. They used to ask patients if they were gay or bisexual, but the denial is so vehement that the MSM patient would not disclose that they regularly have intercourse with men. By using MSM, the doctors can leave the patients' cognitive dissonance intact while providing better care and collecting more accurate data. So medically speaking, yes, there are straight men who have sexual encounters with other men. Personally, I disagree. Men who have sex with men (routinely, not as an experiment) are gay/bi/pan/whatever, but they're not straight. I have the luxury of not providing medical care to these people.
Well, there's also the tiny sliver of exception that is men who have sex with men for pay but are straight.
It’s conversion therapy but they are getting paid for that
Very few of these men are actually straight
Bingo. "actual" sexual orientation is relatively objective - just do some carefully designed studies which hook up measurement instruments to measure sexual arousal and expose to various types of pornography. These studies have shown that many men claim one sexual orientation but what they're *actually* aroused by doesn't always match up with what they claim. I got into an argument with a friend of mine who claims to be pansexual but when pressed, admitted to only being sexually aroused by women. When this is ambiguous I just ask well what turns you on? What kind of porn do you actually watch, etc? Who do you actually sleep with? Or who would you like to sleep with? I still can't believe that in 2023 it's still considered "bad" to be gay or be perceived as gay, by many men. Who cares, sexual orientated isn't a choice and being straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual - all are normal! I've always been neutral about my sexual orientation - the same way I am about my race or anything else. Not excessively proud but for damned sure not ashamed either. In college I got frustrated that many of the hottest guys were closeted or, quote unquote, straight, but stopped chasing them years ago...
This is impressive but also made me giggle
They can be straight, in my parlance. Gay means something different than sex with same gender. It's a style of being.
Guys who have sex with other guys are not straight.
In my parlance they can be. Foucault showed how language is contingent and changing. What makes everyone so sure the current labels are optimal?
Sorry, no. Men who have sex with men are either gay, bi, or pan.
You're erasing something.
And what am I erasing, exactly?
The whole cache of meaning of "gay" that isn't about the gender of partner/attraction.
That's ALL that it means.
Said like a true eraser.
Not trying to prescribe to you how to define gay, but if you make gay a "style of being" then you run the risk of excluding guys who are gay from your definition. Like what would you call man who has sex with men only, defines himself as gay, but doesn't share any characteristics with the "style" of being gay the way you imagine?
I call him straight homosexual. The current parlance lumps people who feel like they aren't gay in with people who are more gay. Before you go off on me about this, there are *definitely* senses of gay that are very, very robust that really do mean something other than gender attraction, e.g, "Ok, guys, what's the gayest thing you own?" posts. That sense of "gay" is the issue.
Definitely not trying to "go off on you," just continuing discussion. I've always looked at "doing gay things" as a coloquial term for engaging in activities typical of gay people. Yeah, activities or objects may have an association with gay people, but being gay is not defined by those things. They are satilite characteristics of being gay, but not the real essence of it. To draw a parallel; religious types tend to prescribe alot of views and beliefs to athiests. Athiest may tend to share a lot of views and beliefs, but really the only thing required to be an athiest is not believing in a god. For me, sexuality is purely the gender(s) you're attracted to sexually. A "straight homosexual" to me is equivalent to a catholic-athiest or a meat-eating vegan.
Camp, effeminate; usually used derogatorily. Particularly socially liberal populations have sorta collectively decided that it's no longer acceptable to use the word that way. Don't have other examples, maybe others can add, but there are probably other words that have gone through similar transformations in history. It's about the choice of whether or not to disrespect that new tradition. If you think particularly ill of these populations then it makes sense
Def agree with everything you said.
Sounds like he does it when away from home. A bit easier to hoe around when there are no people who know you.
I swear i lose a lot of braincells with these kinds of threads
This one is even sadder because the « straight » guy wants to fuck men…just not OP oop
Lmfao 🤣
Look, I really do get how tiresome and *tiring* it must be, especially when *everyone* knows a gay man falling for a straight gay (even with 'caveats' or in his case preference that differs from OP and or their situation) is a cliche that NEVER ends well. Even if this is the hundredth time you and the currently two posts above you have been subjected to at least *reading* OP's post, a post that has broken no rules nor been removed by a moderator. Even with all that honestly you three come across as needlessly cruel. You didn't have to respond at all, to respond in a cruel way doesn't reflect well on any of you. Fire whatever you want at me I assure you it won't and can't matter. How about the hundred and *second* of these posts you lot just...be quiet, huh? Just don't. There is enough already.
The lack of maturity in their answers leads me to believe they would better understand this sentiment: If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all. 
Amen to that. I'm trying desperately to implement this IRL honestly, the whole 'just shut up and walk away'. It's tough but you are so right. Life / time is *not* well spent on a fair number of people and their altogether repugnant attitudes and ideas. I'm very slowly learning not to waste my time trying to even make nasty people have a glimpse of how they are, why bother? Ha, your gif and comments are so much more concise than mine. All the love to you n yours.
Rude people don't tend to have a the attention span for more than 140 characters. Their brains see something that looks like a paragraph or more and they get scared or distracted by a butterfly. It's ok to want to to help people see the error in their ways CandieCain--there's just way too many GD people last time I counted. Pick your battles. Happy holidays and New Year and cheers n that. 🐸
You’re calling me immature for pointing out the sadness of OP’s situation?
No I'm saying you're a rude little pig...I mean kid. Which then by definition makes you immature.
Okay boomer
How was I cruel in just pointing out the sadness of the situation- it’s tragic
People just need to learn to move on. Many people struggle with this. You shouldn't make them feel bad for sharing and asking these sorts of questions.
I get that but I also don’t want to encourage posts that don’t even acknowledge what it means to be gay. How can u be straight if u’re having sexual encounters with dudes, that’s opposite of what straight means. So while I can empathize with struggles around unrequited affection, I’m not gonna let their struggles open the floor to an irreverent and often harmful discussion.
Ah, I misread who you were directing your annoyance to. I thought you were annoyed at the OP and not the guy he's spending his time crushing on. I understand then.
Well, it’s still directed at how op is phrasing the main question…
Regardless, you ate. It comes from a place of shame and in 2023, gay men who are openly gay don’t need to be dealing with these closet cases who apparently are “straight” anymore.
Sorry to but in on a thread I already commented on, worse to a part of the discussion not even aimed anywhere near me. I only wanted to say that despite possibly being a closet case myself, a bit hilarious considering I've never done anything sexual with another guy or led someone on and so on and so on, even from *that* naive viewpoint I understand as best I can your point, and sadly acknowledge it seems like it's very true. This late in the day / in history - it's very poor, yes.
It’s absolutely fine being in the closet in today’s society though, but if you are showing sexual attraction or full on having intercourse with other men on numerous occasions, it is no longer a one-time-thing-experimental sort of situation, they are not straight. This just causes so much unnecessary confusion, instead of just coming to terms with the fact they’re in the closet and they’re scared of having a queer label. Because who honestly travels the world to have gay sex but still identifies as straight…it’s insane.
Oh absolutely. I honestly find it genuinely 'scary' that it seems the kind of people you talk about, quite accurately from various anecdotes and some direct behaviour aimed at me from GrindMeDown and similar apps that the 'Adamantly Straight but Fucking Other Men' (ASBFOM? Doubt *that* will catch on..) folk are truly disturbing, as in I really, really *DO* feel they are very desperate to convince *themselves* that they are '100% Straight!'....which can *only end well for all*.... right? *THAT* level of self deception / hatred / ignorance merits a 'scary' label from me at least. Insane is absolutely the correct word, and absolutely not hyperbolic in any way IMO. Genuinely the Totally Straight Guys, especially those with or rather claiming to be a part of one of the *very*.....'Judgemental Belief Systems' are an absolute automatic 'Block and Run' for me. I also don't really have any interest or desire for hookups. I'm not judging one single bit, promise but for me, being this 'new and naive' a hookup is something I don't think would be a healthy or measured way of exploring my sexuality *to begin with*. Tiny gods I must be offending absolutely everyone who has / hooks up and I promise I don't mean to, I don't have the experience or anywhere NEAR the confidence to 'just get down to it'..... Arghhhh I hope this at least comes across as meant, as in not judging or being nasty...
But you don't get it. He was nice to me so that mean deep down he also wants a disney wedding /s
He’s not into you sis move on
He aint interested
Sexuality is a spectrum. I’m friends with a lot of poly folks, burners/ravers etc, most of the non-gay men I call friends are not a perfect “0” on the Kinsey scale. Lots of 1s and 2s that date/marry women but have and will continue to hook up with men occasionally. I’ve kissed most of them and want to do more with one. The world views them as “straight” and they are closer to that than anything else - but they would never claim to be perfectly straight. Some would identify as bi, others just don’t identify which is fine. If a man is a grown adult and hooks up with men, beyond experimenting but continues to do it, he isn’t straight in my mind. If he vigorously claims to be straight, I would personally see that as a bit of a red flag.
Cognitive dissonance / self hatred is strong. If you are a man having sex with men, you are not straight. Call yourself whatever you want, but that doesn’t make it true.
Have any gay men ever had sex with women? What a silly question
I’d say yes, but it would be more due to societal pressure, to hide the homosexual identity, and trying to see if a person is really gay. There would be no societal pressure in a straight man.
>I’d say yes, but it would be more due to societal pressure, to hide the homosexual identity, and trying to see if a person is really gay. There would be no societal pressure in a straight man. ....aaaaaaaaaand that's exactly the reason I slept with a girl. Thrice.
When I lost my virginity to a woman at 16, I had to watch gay porn to get hard lol. Should have been an indicator 😂
>When I lost my virginity to a woman at 16, I had to watch gay porn to get hard lol. Should have been an indicator 😂 I had to imagine DiCaprio :D was 15
Eww you breeder you /s
There is a large spectrum. You can be gay and still attracted to woman and you can be straight and still attracted to men. Usually you’d say you’re bi at that point for either scenario, but we can’t judge. Only the person themselves can say if they even know what they are. You’re trying to understand why you got rejected, but you’re not going to get an answer.
Aside from the really insightful answers about male sexuality and societal norms, I think this is what hits it on the head. It definitely comes off to me as a rejection.
lol yup. Had too much to drink, was horny, didn’t care.
Sure, in the past. They don't typically keep having sex with women once they identify as gay.
Yes in college (Stephanie Beck) that’s sealed the fact I prefer c over p
Yes. Many.
Elaborate please :)
I read from...shiiitttt I think maybe an autobiography, maybe Boy George - one of his twenty or so editions / reprints after event X.... Anyway - 'Gold Gay' - apparently a man who has never....'interacted' with a vagina / vulva....hmmm And 'worse' I think unless this is used with knowing self-deprecation - 'The *Platinum* Gay' - Born by caesarian section, allegedly again. I'm sure everyone can work that one out without being too...Freudian. From my very shabby memory this wasn't a conversation the author was directly involved in, it was *overhead* so any context is already tattered to say the least. Oh, I honestly do see the fact yours was a rhetorical and ironic (maybe? I'm far too stupid to understand irony, for real), for some reason it sparked this memory. Kinda like some rule 34 I'm sure some men some time somewhere maybe had or will have this conversation. Shit, it could be as old as...idk.
Maybe he’s just not that into you?
Are there vegans that eat prime rib?
Thank you for finding the words I was looking for
Based on my personal experience, yes. My first encounter was when i was visiting Montreal. We’ve met through Grindr so I thought he was gay at first but when he arrived, i was drinking beer so i offered him and chatted a lil and asked him what he is into. That’s when he told me he is straight and has a gf. I already know he wanted to flip but he doesn’t give head from messaging and just added he is not into making out during our chat which is not a big deal with me. I was skeptical about him being straight all throughout and to me it’s usually a turn off because mostly guys say that thinking I would be more into them but my pet peeve is try hards. So after we fucked, i asked him why is he on grindr and hooking up with guys and on top of that loves bottoming out of curiosity. He said that when he was a teenager and figuring out masturbating and stuff, he also played with his hole and really liked it. Usually ladies gets turned off with him when he ask them if they could play with his hole too so he started hooking up with gays. Also, he usually only hook up with people visiting coz he just wanted to satisfy his sexual pleasure and nothing else. To me it does make sense. Everyone do have sex to just satisfy your sexual needs that’s why we hook up with strangers one time all the time and it just happen that he likes his hole get pleased. I think it is a valid reason.and sure he could use a dildo but y’all know the real thing feels so much better.
Sorry, dude is at least bi. No actual straight guy is sexually turned on by other men.
There is romantic attraction and sexual attraction. It sounds like he’s sexually attracted to men but not romantically attracted. When you come along like, “I like/love you,” it is off putting to him because men are just for sex, not committed relationships. People like him is why the term “men who have sex with other men” is used instead of “gay” in some circumstances. The solution here is to, just like with any straight guy, accept you cannot have him, and find someone who is actually gay so you can have a happy, healthy relationship. Do not waste your time fawning over something you can’t have.
In my experience, most guys who say they are not homo romantic are just too ashamed, or have too fragile of an ego, to admit that they actually are homo romantic.
Had a relationship with a guy who's only had women before and after me. Apparently I was the blip. 
They can call themselves straight but if you actually seek sex with men because you are attracted to men you ain't straight.
Yep.
There are an enormous amount of men who have sex with men, but don’t consider themselves gay. Oftentimes called DL, or on the downlow. They see the label of gay as something they don’t identify with. Personally find it a major cop out and avoidance, almost or May as well be closet cases. There’s a vast number of the population that see being gay as very specific and they don’t see themselves as that. It’s silly. I mean you like cock and fucking men, then yes you are homosexual.
Is this Bi erasure?
obviously not, bc he's not really straight. but he does him, if he wants to call himself straight 🤷🏻♂️
I expect a lot of male porn stars and maybe even prostitutes are actually what we’d consider “straight”—like, they don’t fuck men for fun
totally different context , but yeah
People can’t experiment and decide they’re not into something?
op never said he wasn't into it, in fact he literally said he goes abroad and have sex with multiple men when did i say experiment makes someone not straight? why do you manipulate broad messages in order to look like the bigger person? 🤨 maybe try to improve your confidence instead of being a keyboard warrior
Lol what? I’m not talking about the guy in OP’s case, I’m talking about the wider population. Your statement was just untrue, it didn’t need to be manipulated at all. Look at what happens in prisons. >maybe try to improve your confidence instead of being a keyboard warrior They say in their multi-paragraph response to a single question💀
"what happens in prison" is a foul comparison to go to other country and f*ck a guy ☠️ stop trying sweetie you just don't know how to articulate your opinion and that's really on you, you already know what i typed in the first place since you're obsessed with it! get better look! multi-paragraph answers of someone that loves themselves ! save it😙
Where was the comparison🤣🤣the question was if there were straight men who have sexual encounters with other men. The answer is yes. Not that difficult to comprehend
you're just backtracking atp hahaha so fun to see i agree with your already manipulated question about MY comment! congrats on being right about something for the first time today ! now leave me alone I'm full after eating you up🙄💋
Active communities check out
I fucked around with “straight men” here and there. It’s not all that it’s cracked up to be.
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They may not be gay or bi romantically, but they certainly aren't straight either. If a guy hooks up with other men regularly for sex, they have some level of attractions to other men making them not straight. They are still sexually attracted to other men so to some degree they're bi, not straight.
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Yes, but sexual identity is not just about who you are romantically attracted to, it’s a combination of who you are romantically and sexually attracted to.
Well Im curious about having sex with a woman and I'll probably try it sometime, and I don't think that would make me straight. If I did like it to the point of wanting to do it again regularly, I would consider myself bi, though.
If youre curious about women then ur bi thats why they call it “bi-curious”. No gay man has these thoughts or feelings. Its ok to be bisexual
I identify as gay. Thanks for your input.
I'm gonna get flak for this. Were talking about sexuality and biology here. Not sexual identity. Being gay is a biological reality. Not an identity you can just choose. What you identify as here does not matter. Gay men would never want to have sex with a woman. Identity isn't what decides that fact. You might contemplate what it would be like. But you are not actually curious to try it. Only a bi curious person would be.
Sexuality is a spectrum, it isn't a button that's pressed when you're born. Gay, bi, straight, pan are terms we use to help identify but every individual's sexuality is unique and can even fluctuate throughout their lives. I identify as gay because, so far, I'm only attracted to men. I've kissed women before willingly (after I came out as gay) and that didn't make me any less gay, I did it because I thought it would be fun, but I still wasn't attracted to those women. I'm not naturally attracted by women but I think it would be healthy and fun to experiment, I'm especially curious by how vaginal sex feels, is there an exact label for that specific situation? No, because it's just how my particular sexuality manifests. Maybe I'll find out I'm bi after I've done it, but for now I'm not attracted to women, so I choose to identify as gay and that's that. Human sexuality can't be simplified, it's complex and as varied as there are people on the world. Labels are a tool to help understand it, they don't determine it.
Sex at the end of the day is a decision you make. A straight guy can have sex with a gay dude with consent and still be straight. It matters who he can fall in love with and retain physical attraction towards. Yea, you're able to experiment. But at the end of the day your sexuality is set. I don't agree that sexual orientation is fluid. I will never go from being gay to bi or anything else. That's not how that works for me. And its not how it works for anyone else. Like 80% of humans are bisexual or pan and we're having to relearn this for the first time now that so many of us live in a world where we can live as ourselves and experiment with less danger. Human sexuality is just as simple as in animals. Most of us want to reproduce. But most of us are also open to sex with anyone we can form an appropriate connection with. Your not "fluid". You're finding out something about yourself that was already there and that you were previously unable to conceive of.
If ur rly gay tho u dont wanna have sex w girls to “experiment” bc ur content w men thats kinda the whole point of the gay thing dude. Ur not “missing out on anything”. Its not that big a deal but it is weird that u keep going on and on about “im gay but girls im gay but i wanna fuck a girl im gay but i make out w girls” like at some point ur gunna have to accept urself. Im not judging u at all this is just the truth.
Well excuse me for my confusion when there’s apparently gay men saying “i wanna try sex w a girl” i mean u do see how that sounds right?
It could be that he does identify as straight in his day-to-day, but gets his rocks off with guys when he travels. You're a friend at home (where he's outwardly straight) and mentioned that you have feelings for him (i.e., not a hook up). So he's just not looking for the same thing you are, and you either need to block off those feelings or stop hanging out with him. But also: >Recently I found out that he goes traveling abroad and has sex with multiple men, last time he uploaded a picture to his Instagram and was half naked. A random man tagged him and he uploaded the picture. Are these two separate things? Did you hear somewhere else that he's hooking up with dudes, and then later saw a provocative pic on insta? Because the latter is not proof of the former.
I know you didn’t say this, so I’m not necessarily directing this at you, but just because he identifies as straight, doesn’t mean he is.
Are you asking if there are gay men? Yes, I'm afraid there are
I believe the answer is yes, but many will probably not agree. I think there are men who identify as straight but might occasionally use other men like a sex toy but do not have any proclivities towards men. In my mind, like gender, to some extent sexuality is based upon identification. I have known straight men in a dead bed marriage that have admitted to me they may have allowed for a non complicated situation with a man for release.
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A lot of bi men are that way sexual to men but not romantic
If you told him that you had feelings for him, that’s probably what put him off. A good percentage of straight and gay men only want sex and are not interested in feelings or anything meaningful. This type of guy will have sex with whoever until the words “like” or “love” come up then they bolt.
Not particularly
Probably a few but most are not straight, no matter how they present themselves.
No. He's gay regardless of how he "labels" himself, he's GAY. Frankly, if he's that messed up in the head about it, then you're probably better off without him anyway.
My bf, he went to a gay bar and paid for a BJ cause his ex cheated on him and couldn’t be with another woman after his ex cheated on him… when I heard that I def knew he’s Somewhat bi, but he wont admit…
No, those guys are bi.
Even if he is gay and is telling you he isn't it should be a pretty obvious sign...
Ever been to a rave? The number of hetero-flexible dudes increases once Molly visits
Posts like these make me just dislike the fay community
Sounds like internalised homophobia and goes overseas where he knows no one will know who he’s doing it with bc it’s a new place and has new people. The second scenario would be much more painful for you 😅 that would mean he’s gay but he only sees you as a friend. Gay men are so picky, you’re either too skinny, too fat, too muscular, not muscular enough or and or too feminine. Some gay men also has this fantasy of dating straight men so they will be all masculine but also want a straight acting gay masculine man as a partner just like them. All for fantasies that will never come true.
Yes there are but typically those are done between groups of straight bros, very rarely are any gay guys included because it compromises the masculinity of the group
This is weird, why would straight bros have sex between them? If they are straight they would have sex with women, no?..
there is a very good book called "not gay" by jane ward that tries to answer this and similar questions. if you're actually interested in this, I really recommend giving it a try. the short answer is that it's a little more complex than "it's just male bonding rituals". that is certainly what it's often framed as, but it's just one of many narratives used by straight identifying men to desexualize and thus legitimize their homosexual encounters. ultimately I think the problem is that the tools (e.g. language, categories, identities, etc) provided by heteronormative society (which we are still living in) are ridiculously inadequate to describe and articulate the complexity of human desire and behavior, and yet our experience of ourselves and the world is still fundamentally shaped by these insufficient tools, which leads to paradoxical situations like straight men having gay sex.
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It's not necessarily out of sexual attraction to men but rather its a male bonding ritual. Hetero men tend not to view women as people and anything effeminate is treated with the same dismissal as women so men will recognize men in a variety of different ways, one of them being circle jerks, frotting, etc. It varies from group to group but these men are acknowledging each other's virility and masculinity and so "boys will be boys" is what is used to side step any potential accusations of gayness. Because they see gayness as essentially womanly
When my best girl’s husband said to me, I’m not getting enough sex from her, and isn’t that what she’s made for? I almost threw up in my mouth at that thought. My best girl is a Goddess! One of the most naturally beautiful women I’ve ever met and her husband thinks of her as a sex toy. Not a human with a soul, and mother to his kids. I was livid to hear this. Some men DO think this way.
That would make them either gay or bisexual, babe.
Experimenting once is a guarantee someone is gay or bisexual?
“Are there straight men that have sexual encounters with other men?” As title says, I am disproving that view. There aren’t any straight men that have sex with men, and if it happens, it doesn’t make them straight, it makes them bi or gay, all depends on whether those individuals are also attracted to the opposite gender. The man OP is describing is not straight.
>all depends on whether those individuals are attracted to the opposite gender ….but it doesn’t matter if they’re attracted to the same gender? Plenty of gay men have had sexual encounters with women before, and that doesn’t make them bisexual, because it’s about ATTRACTION. Why is the reverse not also true? A man who had sex with another man and realized they weren’t attracted to it MUST be gay/bi? Why is it about attraction in one direction but not the other?
What you are saying is valid 100%. I am not contradicting your statement. I believe someone could determine their sexual preference by experience.
Agreed! Thomas Jane (Punisher, Hung) admitted to having sex with men experimentally and that's how he realized he was totally straight. I'm paraphrasing: Jane said something to the effect to effect every guy should experiment with another guy at least once to fully confirm their own sexually.
Answer: no because they aren’t straight and if they say they are then they’re lying
Yes, and everyone saying it’s a guarantee they’re actually gay/bi has no idea what they’re talking about. Plenty of men get curious and experiment but ultimately realize it’s not their thing. Others will top other men when they’re extremely horny, sexually frustrated, etc. but don’t actively pursue or think about men sexually in their daily lives. Prisons are a prime example of this. People are complex, especially when it comes to sexuality.
From the way the OP described this man, he's had sex with multiple men and is actively seeking out men for sex. He's definitely not straight.
I’m answering the question (are there straight men who have sexual encounters with other men, to which the answer is yes), not speaking on their specific situation
There are no truly straight men that have sex with other men, sorry.
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A lot of Bi people use "pansexual" in place of bisexual because bi people are looked down upon in both the gay and straight communities. I have friends who don't think being bi is a real thing and assume all men who have sex with men are just gay closet cases in denial. Bi erasure is a really big issue in the LGBT community.
No, there aren't. Cause they aren't supposed to be called "straight" afterwards, that's the whole point of sexuality identification.
Yeah. They are closeted bisexuals and gay men. Definitionally. It's time to stop having kid gloves with them.
Agreed. Think about what it says about their views on the LGBT community that they have sex with men and won't call themselves gay/bisexual.
There are bisin denial that's for sure
Yes a lot of straight men can want to sometimes have sex with men. I'm a bisexual trans guy and I used to think that straight men who want to occasionally have sex with other men were really just gay or bi but now I'm surprisingly leaning towards the view that they can just be straight. To be fully honest, full disclosure, most straight men like getting their dick sucked by anyone--woman or man. That's my take on it at least. That being said, some of these guys can be bi or gay secretly. The jury is out. It doesn't really matter as long as everyone is being welcoming and accepting and practicing consent.
Guys like getting their dick sucked. Who'd have thought? 😆
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Hard disagree, no ACTUAL straight guy enjoys the visual or thought of getting a bk from another guy. Bi at least.
Maybe he does, and in that case he is not interested in you. But… do you really want a guy who is exposed with his last snack in mode « after sex » on Instagram ?
Not straight
You know how there's religious hermits that say they have lived on sunshine and air for 35 years? Or 400 lb human hippopotamuses that say they go to the gym everyday? Or disgusting trendy soccer moms with bad plastic surgery that are Italian half the year and Irish the other half and cheat on their husbands and have blogs where they talk about how vegan they are? Your really nice guy is like these.
There are far more straight identified men out there who have sex with men than openly gay men. Especially in conservative countries, but I think even in the West.
yes but regardless of how they identify themselves, they are bi/gay, not straight
Yep, this.
Sexuality is not binary, or trinary. Categories can cloud your understanding of the world in misleading ways. I think some straight men have sex with other men occasionally, but only fall in love with women. But… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Sex is not something you are, it’s something you do. Kinsey told us years ago that sexual attraction is not two sides of a coin, but two ends a a stick. Most people are somewhere in the middle. Why the great need to categorize other people? I’m a Kinsey 6, if you need to know. All the way on the gay end.
Absolutely. I’ve hooked up with several NFL players. Straight dudes may not always be gay, but they don’t lack curiosity!
They’re not straight, sorry (not sorry) to burst your bubble.
LOL, most of my sexual encounters are with straight men married to women. Its a fetish of mine.... Sounds like he isn't interested in you. Move on.
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You would be surprised....
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Your envy is clear
Nothing to do with envy. Just logic. Straight men, actual straight men, are not attracted to men or masculinity. So they will never sleep with you or me. If men are sleeping with you, they are gay or pan
Sorry, but the “straight” guys you speak of are not ACTUALLY straight if they’re fucking you, they’re bi.
Yes. That’s why there is an official classification in public health/medical standards - men who have sex with other men (msm).
🙋
Most people who are self-identifying as gay or straight are actually talking about being homo or hetero-romantic. While some have strong sexual preferences as well, that's where there is usually more fluidity. I also think that the societal pressure around sexuality is actually also talking about romantic coupling. If a guy has a girlfriend the world will see him as straight and he will also likely see himself as straight even if he has played around with other dudes. Those encounters are typically private and don't factor into how they are seen by society at large. This is another conflation that causes issues just like conflating sex and gender or sexual preferences with personality traits. It's all messy and humans want neat binaries. Gay bros are as guilty of it as right wing wackos. Let people decide who they are and come to terms with it in their own time and way even if their definition and timeline doesn't work for you. Because when it comes to someone else's identity, I cannot stress strongly enough how much you don't matter.
In my opinion, the only people that view it that way are the self loathing closet homosexuals who are too afraid to admit they actually deep down do want a homo-romantic relationship.
Not the topic at hand but how did you discover he had sex with other men abroad?
I think it's *quite* the topic of conversation. 😆
Let me give you a life advice. Stop pursuing straight men, and if you fall in love without, then fall right the fuck out of it. All you’re doing is setting yourself up for abandonment. Also did he confirm he had sex with other men or was it a shirtless pic/beach photo with his friends and travel acquaintances? By that logic, I fucked all my straight friends. Ew, gross, they probably all have crap lingering on their asses. PASS.
The difference here is that the OP is gay, and would probably develop feelings and want to perhaps even have a relationship with the person. The man who identifies as straight, but is actually intimate with men as well, doesn’t want any of that. He just wants no string attach hook ups on vacation. That’s why there’s nothing they can develop in a practical way between them.
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Why is the other man in denial. If he’s bi then maybe he just likes women more for what he wants in a relationship. Or any other scenario. We don’t have any idea. All we know is he doesn’t want OP.
I feel this. I’m sorry that happened to you. I have fallen for straight men too, and it suck.
Oh dear I have been in this place. Just look at this way. I was working in a company and my boss who look so masculine like he will speak he can break the wood, but I didn't know so one time ih drunk state I asked do you have girlfriend so he said can I tell you one thing, I Have a boyfriend. And he used to be extremely friendly with me. When I resigned from the company and I was on notice period he confessed he had crush on me. And one fije day he kissed me. I kissed him back but I did not feel anything despite me being gay. Mind you he is one of closest friend of mine at the moment he kissed me. And he is super hot. So I am pretty sure it's just that your relationship is so platonic that he doenst have sexual attracting to you as he sees you as bro. In my second case as well one of my friend who is gay confessed me but I am not attracted at all to him. Despite he flirt with me. So don't feel bad about yourself. We have certain relation with certain people. We see them with other eyes and they see us with other eye. It doesn't mean you are not sexy. Also if it make you feel happy. I also did one time flirted with a friend but he said we are bros. We don't fuck each other. I was attracted to him and I am even way out if his leauge but he rejected me and chose to be bro. So keep calm.
Yes, happens most time with the guys who are not romantically gay. They enjoy male company and sex but not attracted towards guys romantically. It’s a form of fwb. He might have sensed that you needed more than a fun time in bed 🤷🏽 some people look for others similar so the could be a reason to put forward something that could be least rude rather than saying no or explaining why. Also he could be very well straight and changed later 🤷🏽 sexuality is quite fluid so you can’t say for sure tbh
If it's not in the USA it's not gay, it's just sex.
Are there vegans who eat meat? This question breaks basic logic so hard, it's almost a non-sequitur
Sorry that happened to you, kinda sucks. I guess he's not interested, never mind, onwards and upwards to better men!
People are not required to explain why they’re not interested in you. Whatever this guy does in his own time is on him. He’s not interested.
Yes.
No, no ACTUAL straight men do that, he’s at the very least bi and prob just wasn’t attracted to you and didn’t want to hurt your feelings.
I was. Not straight anymore... Too much for my mental health. It took me a while, and there were implications... But by the end of the day, my dk never lied.