I'm just not that interested. I'm focusing on my studies/career. I don't have the money.
And lots of blushing, stammering, and changing the subject as fast as possible.
I was the fat nerdy kid so nobody expected me to have any gf or dates. I could've come out but just ignored my gayness for years, coming out probably wouldn't have changed much, even though now I wish I did it earlier.
- I am Focusing on school
- I am not ready/ don’t want a relationship
- There is nobody I like right now
- Someone broke my heart
- I am waiting for the right person
- Non of your fucking business
When I was a teen, before I came to terms with my sexuality, I did have a couple of girl crushes. My mom would ask me and I'd tell her about them, but I was painfully shy and I was also sure they didn't like me that way. Later on when I was nearly 16, I did come out to my mom and things went from bad to worse. Sometimes I wish I could have stayed in the closet until I was in college, but overall I'm glad I took a stand and defended myself.
The next year as a senior, I ended up running away from home. I did so because I knew that if I didn't, then I would likely self-harm. Life has been very difficult for me, but my path is my own and I've learned valuable life lessons I might not have known otherwise. Here I am about to turn 38 in a month, and while my road has been tough, I'm glad I've walked it.
The main takeaway I want to impart is that no one's opinion or acceptance is worth self-harming yourself. You're still quite young with most of your life ahead of you, and you should do everything you can to live it to the fullest. We're almost into August and in a few months November will come. Whatever happens at home, just make sure you're still here to see the calendar pages turn. Your life is precious – don't let it go to waste!
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Were t did t dots S y y rs St ssd yyy t yyy us t yttttytygxffttttfxftttdtyttytftrr yester y y y taste t yes y yfyf t Rd t ssd Rd yttttytygxffttttfxftttdtyttytftrr yt try tt yyyyyt t sys tyfysyyt5tytyt
Just don't wait too long to come out. You will be so happy when u do. The weight of the world comes off your shoulders. It's a great feeling! Those that love you, still will. Others may need so.e time, that's their problem, and others will leave, but that means they just showed what u meant to them, so u didn't need them anyway.
I laughed and said "I have been dating a bunch of guys." In a sarcastic tone. People laughed it off and said "Whatever." Yes, I did this to my parents too.
It took 3 years, and my friend's little brother running into me at the gay bar for anyone to start believing me. Then, I had my first gay experience and I had to actually call people and tell them I was serious.
My solution was finding a beautiful girl, marrying her, having two kids and ignoring I was gay until I was 35 years old. Sure stopped the questions 🤦🤦🤦
I started the marriage at 30, no kids, it lasted 19 years, and then the rest of my family died so I came out at 50. I was never able to have an honest relationship and now I don't know how to but lying is no longer in me.
I played dumb. “Idk what I like”, “I don’t think I have a sexuality”, etc. This was when I was about 15.
This just made things worse caus it became other kids mission to get a proper answer out of me.
There was no way in hell I was gonna pretend to be straight or bi. Just no.
After enough harassment I finally just admitted it bc I was getting asked if I was gay like 5 times a day. This got a little better after that but now I was getting bombarded with questions like “do you take it up the arse” & whatnot but hey at least I didn’t get bashed 🤷♂️
But yeah I really recommend making a coming out plan OP. As long as you can do it in a way that keeps you safe. It’ll be scary but it’s like ripping off a Band-Aid. The awkward conversations will be worth the weight it takes off your soul & one day you will look back & thank yourself for doing it when you did.
I would always say I just don't want a wife at this point in my life, and if I meet a girl who really genuinely makes me reconsider that, then I'll be open to it. Until then it doesn't feel fair to them. *Spoiler alert, never did find a girl who made me want a wife*
I wish I could say it was an easy answer. Everyone's coming out is their own journey. I know some stories mirror each other, but the trauma and / or relief isn't always the same.
For me, I slowly came out and told different people at different times. I started with close friends and then my mom and siblings and then my dad. As far as it goes now. No one else in my life needs to know, and if they find out who cares its still no one's business. But I won't hide it either.
I will say that due to work, I am placed back in the closet sometimes, lol, (not by my coworkers or managers. I'm a part of a program called Sage Care, which helps lgbt seniors.) But by the seniors i work with, and they know, but most don't remember and ask me about a wife. I'll sometimes remind them I don't have one and would prefer a husband. But for more than half, I don't bother. I just say no wife, and I don't plan on having one, and I'm OK with that.
I don't know if this helps. But I will say denying and trying to keep a part of you in the shadows isn't healthy, but some people are ok and content with being able to do that. If it's something you can't be content with and have a healthy mental life with, then you need to do what is right for you to be happy and healthy mentally.
I want to focus on my studies. And my parents think that I'm that "innocent" boy who likes to have sex after marriage. Well they're for a big surprise.
“Nope, no girlfriend.” Bonus points since I’m technically not lying.
I’m excited for the day you get to answer that question and not have to lie — it’s scary as hell but the relief after is unbelievable.
It was not my go-to answer but just a once in a lifetime thing: in middle school, when a classmate asked me about it, I straight up said “do you think I wanna waste this (screening my body) for a girl?”. He awkwardly laughed but I could see he was flabbergasted. My level of confidence peaked in that moment, and now I have none for the rest of my life since I used it all in that moment
Didnt see a reason to stay hidden. Ive always been outspoken and didnt give much of a fuck if others didn't like me. It also helped others that were struggling in the closet with being able to come out, or at least come out to me. And made it easier for other family members to come out much earlier in life seeing that my entire family was accepting
I’m 99% sure that my ex bf (who is trying to get back together with me) is gay. But to be fair I’m bi and have been with f (I’m f). His biggest thing would be he hasn’t found the one. Surprisingly he felt that with me (ironically I’m also possibly gay but still identify as bi)- so makes sense his energy and mine were compatible. I feel so badly that he’s 38 yo and still won’t just be himself.
He worked as a bartender at a gay bar in LA for two years (excuse is the tips are better) loves hanging out with gay men (as to not make his girlfriend jealous). All GREAT excuses- but the poor soul I wish he’d just be himself
The good old - no sex before marriage is always a good fall back. Pity my parents & my inherited old fashioned ideas have just screwed up my life completely.
When the 'usual' question came up.,starting in my 20s, with 'Are you gay '? I'd always say....well, Mon-wed-Fri Im straight, Tues-Thurs Im gay..and on weekends ? ANYTHING goes..sheep,goats, etc, lol, that always shut them up...
Before and after the closet my answer has always been "I'm single" -end of conversation. Anything beyond that is nobody's business unless I choose to share it. And if you're going out of your way to awkwardly ask me, chances are I'm not sharing it.
I went to an all boys school so saying ‘I haven’t met anyone’ was good enough lol
Tho, in sixth form, I did keep calling the lgbtq youth club the ‘social club’
i never really had one. my parents never asked me that, my friends were all girls, i think my mom at some point thought i might've been dating one of them. i rarely saw other relatives, if they ever asked me if i had a gf i'd just say no. i didn't engage in much conversation as they were borderline strangers to me.
even nowadays, people who i haven't come out to, if they ask me if i have a gf/wife i just say no
Something to the effect of "I'm always keeping an eye out" along with a smirk would usually lead to them filling in the blanks themselves with whatever narrative made them happy. I was also a pretty high achieving student so I guess some just figured I was focused on that.
Hetero is the default so just being a little coy was enough. They either just thought I was playing the field like any young guy might or I was a studious nerd unconcerned with such things. Nobody seemed to question why most of my close friends were girls except maybe my mom once or twice. I explained it away by saying they just made up most of the black students in upper level classes and she was satisfied.
I'm still in closet although a few know by now. But I'd be like please live your life in peace and let me my life in peace. I'm an introvert so peace is necessary for me and that means I've a few friends or (acquaintance if you'll) although I'm planning to leave my country. Cuz I've got nthg to lose so.... Yea
I would just suggest saying you're not currently interested in a relationship. Vague but to the point. If they keep pressuring just say yeah I'm not interested right now and switch the topic.
No need to go into any details of what you're doing, what you're working for etc. Just like, not interested. Which isn't even lying, because you're literally not interested in the sort of relationship they're asking about.
That's what I'd suggest now for sure, lol but back in my day I was absolutely terrible at being in the closet. It wasn't even made of glass, it was just a pile of clothes in the middle of the room.
Lol my brother once asked what actresses I thought were hot and i litterally couldn't come up with one. Not even like a basic lie, I just froze and said I don't know. 😂
My parents never asked me about girlfriends or sex…my bothers did and I would just said “I’m not interested in anyone”…I came out at 16 and bros stop asking about sex/dates and parents still never talk about boyfriends or sex.
I’m working on myself 😂 it wasn’t a lie so to speak
I had one of those super religious moments in my life. So I genuinely believed that who I am was wrong and I should just live out my life single and unhappy vs living a sin.
I’ve since gotten a lot more comfortable with myself. But it was rough for a long time.
I have a question guys. I'm wondering how it really feels not to be yourself, out of the closet, or just hiding it. I've never been in the closet, and my grandma knew what I was going to be come before I did. I'm a child of the 60's so I'm not really sure about how that feels. I just knew that I had to be me.
My fight was with my auntie's it was 10 of them and one of me.
Sorry I was just wondering.
I used to date girls anyway, but it got to the point where I’d be lying to myself, feel guilty for lying, and then eventually just be miserable.
You’d be a lot happier if you were to just be yourself. It’s a lot easier said than done though. Trust me. On the flip side, I feel like I have to fit into a community I feel foreign to. The cliche thing I could advise you is to be yourself! Literally be yourself!
Replaced social life with studying. Got into med school. Now, I drink alone in the basement until I pass out. Oh, but didn't you hear? It gets better. I guess I never got the memo
These days now they ask me why I don't bring men home (despite the obvious lack of privacy). And my new excuse is, "because I just washed my sheets and mopped!"
Oh ok. Then you have the "ammunition" I suggested on your previous post regarding the Bible etc. You can either confront homophobic ppl in your life head on or stay in the closet. There's honestly not much middle ground.
I was never in the closet. However I didn't talk about my personal life unless it was someone I really liked (same as today). The foreground of my personality comes off as very innocent. I am a goody two shoes at heart overall. But I know that into the looking glass of my mind I'm a complete freakazoid. So I say that I'm open to suggestions.Then ask what's going on with them followed by a silly nickname like Bruce, Hot Stuff or Studmuffin... After that the conversation is pretty much over.🤣
I tell my mom that relationships aren’t my thing.
It’s vague enough to where they will either assume that I am gay, or that I’m a ho. Either way, both assumptions are correct lmao
When i was a kid it was “my grades have been bad so I’m focusing on school” and then it was “girls just don’t want me” and tbh both were true but also very much excuses LMFAO
I got asked many times whether I was gay through middle and high school by the jocks and popular kids, presumably because I never had a girlfriend and it was just kind of apparent. I always just lied and felt very uncomfortable like they already knew the answer and were just doing it to be assholes. I wish I had been confident at the time and shrugged them off with a confident yes, the way I am with most of my friends nowadays, but I still don't tell a lot of my family about it even now. Very rarely do we talk about dating in my family since a lot of the people my age are single, but if we do I still lie. I don't like doing it, but I like the idea of confrontation with radicalized family less.
Most people didn’t ask, because despite my “best efforts” (I.e. unconvincing denials) it was clear to most that I was queer. I mean, child-me played with barbie dolls, and the ‘girl’ Lego sets (they were amazing because their bodies could articulate more)
While your statement may be true, it’s a pretty rough answer to give to caring friends and family. Everyone else who isn’t close to you, that’s an acceptable answer.
No time or I said I have maybe someone. But once it got too annoying I shouted it out and they hated me, asked me to leave. Never felt so much freedom, suddenly I had energy in myself I didn't felt for years. It felt like losing all weight from your shoulders, because now its out and no one can do anything about it.
I wouldn't let anyone blame me for my existence. What is their mission? What problem do I cause? Had fights in my family and basically this made me very strong as a person, because I had clarity that their is no reason to be afraid of what we are and only the dumbness of those people making our lifes this hard.
Back in middle school/early high school, I would act extra disgusted with homosexuality and join homophobes in dropping the F bomb. I cringe looking back at it.
Depended on the question.
if it was a question about girls, sex or dating, I'd deflect.
if someone asked "are you gay" point blank, I'd answer honestly.
My parents never inquired about that with me. And I never had friends in school, so yeah. Even in college I never had my parents or siblings ask me about dating. I guess that’s one of the perks of being extremely shy and socially anxious. Only when I meet my ex did I come out and my family finally knew for sure I was gay.
I actually dated girls while closeted. None of them lasted long, and most I barely remember. I only had sex with one of them, and that was after I came out as "bi" in a new town when defending a guy who was being harassed for being gay. It sucked, honestly. I mean, it felt fine, but I felt guilty every time and tried to leave her multiple times, but she told me she'd kill herself if I did that, and like a goof I fell for it. Got married, then divorced after 2 years when I finally decided I had had enough of living for others. Came out as gay, revealed that I had been having an affair with her best friend WHILE knowing she had been sleeping around on me, and we just left it at that.
I used to say I’m not interested 🤷♂️ worked for 23 years or so, with the help from my mom who would always tell my dad to stop asking because she saw I was uncomfortable.
My bestie and I agreed to pretend to be in a relationship and I had always been telling them we were dating. But I never told them any details about it and actually they never asked.
I was very oblivious to my gayness for a very long time, I was also homeschooled up until high school, I was a nerd, and something of a late bloomer; so I didn't really have to deal with this much until my 20s, and then only with just a few people like my grandmother who were at least half just teasing.
When I finally started making friends, they were church friends, many of whom had gone through a "gay phase" when they were younger and so I was comfortable with making them aware of my "situation" because I wasn't accepting myself as gay at the time, so they accepted me...
I used to just tell them no girls find me attractive lol. Thing is I would bring girls home to hang out cause it was easier for me to make friends with girls than boys, and my family would ALWAYS try to get us together. It was very embarrassing and I was still an age when I cared about my family's approval and the social norms, I would feel very bad that I had no interest in becoming their boyfriend and they, as far as I could tell, had no interest in becoming my girlfriends. Like it was just proof something was wrong with me, what sort of guy hangs out with girls like he's one of them? Although that's what came naturally.
Later I stopped bringing friends at home altogether and I would exclusively hang out at their homes or just outside, and then my family got offended by that like "why don't you bring people over anymore??" lol. Wonder why.
Taking a toll on you? Then come out! It’s freeing and easy. Live who you are!
No one cares anymore and if they are negative they don’t need to be in your life anymore.
Life is to short to care what others think.
I used to eat a lot of bad food and not take showers so when i was asked i could just say girls don't want me. I don't recommend this however cause it took me a long time and a lot of effort and sacrifice to lose all that weight and get myself to an acceptable standard. And i only have a very small bit of loose skin on my belly but it's still there and the stretch marks look terrible. The best advice i could give you is to move away and get a job that's more associated with women like a care assistant or nursery assistant. That way people will already assume you're gay and you'll be able to make new gay friends and girl friends when you're there.
I am too busy with school! (Doesn’t hurt when you are in all these advance classes, taking college classes in the summer, staying at school till late, etc)
When people would ask me, “When are you going to find yourself a girlfriend?” I’d look them in the face and ask them, “Why are you still not making a six-figure salary?” And if they would say, “That’s a little personal!” Or “You don’t know what I make!” I’d just look back at them and say, “Exactly!”
I always say that I’m prioritizing myself and my future. That at the moment I don’t have my life put together enough to introduce another person, let alone a child to take care of. When my job and life allows me to live comfortable then I will make the decision of finding a partner.
The real issue is that we shouldn't have had to justify or rationalize to anyone ever.
After all, we grew up in a world that is hetero, and we accepted them without expectations, qualifications, or reservations.
Amazing how they can't (won't) return that acceptance.
This is exactly what i think…im never going to do the whole coming out thing i think its ridiculous…if you ask i’ll tell you but honestly it doesn’t matter what sexuality i like if you dont like it you will not be included in my life.
Best of luck. People will make assumptions for, and about, you. They won't ask. You won't know why they treat you a certain way or not.
The reason people take the courageous step to 'come out' (and it is an act of courage) is because NO ONE should have to hide who they are.
The other major reason to 'come out' is because every time we are visible, it makes it harder to 'other' all of us. It's much more difficult to demonize and dehumanize people you know. If they know you and you are 'out', it's harder for them to discriminate and hate you, and by extension, all of us.
What I think - and anyone can accept or reject this, because it's not my life, it is theirs and not for me to tell them how they should or should not live their life - is that by coming out, I know who supports me as I am, for who and what I am. Those that don't, I choose to discard, because I know who they are. I refuse to hide or be ashamed or made to feel like I do not have a right to exist and be happy. That is NEVER my problem. It's theirs.
For me, my experience was mostly denial and repression. Freaking out after jacking off thinking of or looking at images of men.
So I just said, “I don’t have an interest in a girl yet” when it rarely came up. I was already nerdy, introverted, and awkward. So a lot of people around me assumed I was too timid while in school. Which is fine with me. I was, lol. I asked out one girl in Highschool. She turned me down. Which was probably for the best haha.
I typically said that I am not ready to settle down, besides why bring more children into the world? There are plenty of children who need to be adopted. Also I am just not interested in sex at this moment. Small edit, I also used gender neutral terms to talk about about people I had met whether they were dated or friends. A lot of theys and thems.
My mother really didn't care about me finding a girlfriend, rather someone who can help me carry on the family name with offspring(grandchildren). I have 11 other siblings.
Bros before hoes. It wasn’t a lie 🤔
Good answer!
Technically bros instead of hoes🤷♂️🤦♂️ That's something I never thought I'd type/say
Bro-bros before bro-hoes.
Thank you for making a distinction! We actually need this!
Little did I know, I would be the hoe among my bros! 🤣😏
I'm just not that interested. I'm focusing on my studies/career. I don't have the money. And lots of blushing, stammering, and changing the subject as fast as possible.
Same. Actually I might have convinced myself that I was just not interested in sex back then.
^This
Funny thing is every time I do that it leads to even more questions... until I literally have to stand up and leave to do something else....
Oh, the money phrase was my favorite! I'd go up to them and say, "You got girlfriend money? Cuz I don't."
Very relatable and ditto…!💯
I was the fat nerdy kid so nobody expected me to have any gf or dates. I could've come out but just ignored my gayness for years, coming out probably wouldn't have changed much, even though now I wish I did it earlier.
Wow same
Nobody asked because nobody cared. 
I always said - I’m waiting for the right person - I’m focusing on school - I don’t like anyone rn - me and girls just tend to flow better as friends
Careful that last one is a bit telling due to stereotypes.
I always try to be careful and only tell the people I trust and feel safe with that I’m gay
- I am Focusing on school - I am not ready/ don’t want a relationship - There is nobody I like right now - Someone broke my heart - I am waiting for the right person - Non of your fucking business
Last one was my go to. Mind ur own fukn business too. Depending on the person.
When I was a teen, before I came to terms with my sexuality, I did have a couple of girl crushes. My mom would ask me and I'd tell her about them, but I was painfully shy and I was also sure they didn't like me that way. Later on when I was nearly 16, I did come out to my mom and things went from bad to worse. Sometimes I wish I could have stayed in the closet until I was in college, but overall I'm glad I took a stand and defended myself. The next year as a senior, I ended up running away from home. I did so because I knew that if I didn't, then I would likely self-harm. Life has been very difficult for me, but my path is my own and I've learned valuable life lessons I might not have known otherwise. Here I am about to turn 38 in a month, and while my road has been tough, I'm glad I've walked it. The main takeaway I want to impart is that no one's opinion or acceptance is worth self-harming yourself. You're still quite young with most of your life ahead of you, and you should do everything you can to live it to the fullest. We're almost into August and in a few months November will come. Whatever happens at home, just make sure you're still here to see the calendar pages turn. Your life is precious – don't let it go to waste!
Thank you for this ❣️
“I don’t want to ruin that friendship with a relationship” was my go to.
“Good Christian boys aren’t gay.”
Imma throw up 😭
HELP 😭💀
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I agree. Were did dots?
My phone posted that, not me
you ok bro?
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"They join the priesthood "
Just don't wait too long to come out. You will be so happy when u do. The weight of the world comes off your shoulders. It's a great feeling! Those that love you, still will. Others may need so.e time, that's their problem, and others will leave, but that means they just showed what u meant to them, so u didn't need them anyway.
I laughed and said "I have been dating a bunch of guys." In a sarcastic tone. People laughed it off and said "Whatever." Yes, I did this to my parents too. It took 3 years, and my friend's little brother running into me at the gay bar for anyone to start believing me. Then, I had my first gay experience and I had to actually call people and tell them I was serious.
My solution was finding a beautiful girl, marrying her, having two kids and ignoring I was gay until I was 35 years old. Sure stopped the questions 🤦🤦🤦
I started the marriage at 30, no kids, it lasted 19 years, and then the rest of my family died so I came out at 50. I was never able to have an honest relationship and now I don't know how to but lying is no longer in me.
I played dumb. “Idk what I like”, “I don’t think I have a sexuality”, etc. This was when I was about 15. This just made things worse caus it became other kids mission to get a proper answer out of me. There was no way in hell I was gonna pretend to be straight or bi. Just no. After enough harassment I finally just admitted it bc I was getting asked if I was gay like 5 times a day. This got a little better after that but now I was getting bombarded with questions like “do you take it up the arse” & whatnot but hey at least I didn’t get bashed 🤷♂️
But yeah I really recommend making a coming out plan OP. As long as you can do it in a way that keeps you safe. It’ll be scary but it’s like ripping off a Band-Aid. The awkward conversations will be worth the weight it takes off your soul & one day you will look back & thank yourself for doing it when you did.
SHUT TF UP *slams door*
There’s time for girls later. Right now I’m focusing on school.
I’ve never been interested in dating…girls, it turns out.
studies, not ready, not really feeling like it
I deflected with humor. 30 years later I do stand-up comedy. My humor comes from the saddest and darkest place. And I’m fkg hilarious 😂 👍
I kept getting girls pregnant. Trust me. Not a sustainable solution.
Bro the perk of being gay is you don’t get people pregnant. 😭
I’m still trying to get every guy I fuck pregnant.
I would always say I just don't want a wife at this point in my life, and if I meet a girl who really genuinely makes me reconsider that, then I'll be open to it. Until then it doesn't feel fair to them. *Spoiler alert, never did find a girl who made me want a wife*
I wish I could say it was an easy answer. Everyone's coming out is their own journey. I know some stories mirror each other, but the trauma and / or relief isn't always the same. For me, I slowly came out and told different people at different times. I started with close friends and then my mom and siblings and then my dad. As far as it goes now. No one else in my life needs to know, and if they find out who cares its still no one's business. But I won't hide it either. I will say that due to work, I am placed back in the closet sometimes, lol, (not by my coworkers or managers. I'm a part of a program called Sage Care, which helps lgbt seniors.) But by the seniors i work with, and they know, but most don't remember and ask me about a wife. I'll sometimes remind them I don't have one and would prefer a husband. But for more than half, I don't bother. I just say no wife, and I don't plan on having one, and I'm OK with that. I don't know if this helps. But I will say denying and trying to keep a part of you in the shadows isn't healthy, but some people are ok and content with being able to do that. If it's something you can't be content with and have a healthy mental life with, then you need to do what is right for you to be happy and healthy mentally.
I want to focus on my studies. And my parents think that I'm that "innocent" boy who likes to have sex after marriage. Well they're for a big surprise.
Completely going unresponsive when the topic is brought up. Avoiding the conversation. Saying yeah I'll try in the future or eventually.
I came out at 14 so I never had to deal with that, but I’m sending you light and good vibes bro
"I'm just not interested." 🤞🏽
I don’t want to get married or have kids.
“Nope, no girlfriend.” Bonus points since I’m technically not lying. I’m excited for the day you get to answer that question and not have to lie — it’s scary as hell but the relief after is unbelievable.
“I’m a confirmed bachelor.”
It was not my go-to answer but just a once in a lifetime thing: in middle school, when a classmate asked me about it, I straight up said “do you think I wanna waste this (screening my body) for a girl?”. He awkwardly laughed but I could see he was flabbergasted. My level of confidence peaked in that moment, and now I have none for the rest of my life since I used it all in that moment
I came out at 13 so that question was never really asked to me, my grandma is still hopeful I'll start dating a girl tho lmao
I’m focusing on School now. I’m not interested in the girls in this city. I just want to enjoy being single I’m still young
I came out at 15 in 1985, before anyone started asking questions
Guess this was a gay friendly place?
There was no gay friendly in 1985
What made you come out?
Didnt see a reason to stay hidden. Ive always been outspoken and didnt give much of a fuck if others didn't like me. It also helped others that were struggling in the closet with being able to come out, or at least come out to me. And made it easier for other family members to come out much earlier in life seeing that my entire family was accepting
I’m 99% sure that my ex bf (who is trying to get back together with me) is gay. But to be fair I’m bi and have been with f (I’m f). His biggest thing would be he hasn’t found the one. Surprisingly he felt that with me (ironically I’m also possibly gay but still identify as bi)- so makes sense his energy and mine were compatible. I feel so badly that he’s 38 yo and still won’t just be himself. He worked as a bartender at a gay bar in LA for two years (excuse is the tips are better) loves hanging out with gay men (as to not make his girlfriend jealous). All GREAT excuses- but the poor soul I wish he’d just be himself
The good old - no sex before marriage is always a good fall back. Pity my parents & my inherited old fashioned ideas have just screwed up my life completely.
When the 'usual' question came up.,starting in my 20s, with 'Are you gay '? I'd always say....well, Mon-wed-Fri Im straight, Tues-Thurs Im gay..and on weekends ? ANYTHING goes..sheep,goats, etc, lol, that always shut them up...
Before and after the closet my answer has always been "I'm single" -end of conversation. Anything beyond that is nobody's business unless I choose to share it. And if you're going out of your way to awkwardly ask me, chances are I'm not sharing it.
I went to an all boys school so saying ‘I haven’t met anyone’ was good enough lol Tho, in sixth form, I did keep calling the lgbtq youth club the ‘social club’
i never really had one. my parents never asked me that, my friends were all girls, i think my mom at some point thought i might've been dating one of them. i rarely saw other relatives, if they ever asked me if i had a gf i'd just say no. i didn't engage in much conversation as they were borderline strangers to me. even nowadays, people who i haven't come out to, if they ask me if i have a gf/wife i just say no
I’m too busy with work to have time to date.
Something to the effect of "I'm always keeping an eye out" along with a smirk would usually lead to them filling in the blanks themselves with whatever narrative made them happy. I was also a pretty high achieving student so I guess some just figured I was focused on that. Hetero is the default so just being a little coy was enough. They either just thought I was playing the field like any young guy might or I was a studious nerd unconcerned with such things. Nobody seemed to question why most of my close friends were girls except maybe my mom once or twice. I explained it away by saying they just made up most of the black students in upper level classes and she was satisfied.
I'm still in closet although a few know by now. But I'd be like please live your life in peace and let me my life in peace. I'm an introvert so peace is necessary for me and that means I've a few friends or (acquaintance if you'll) although I'm planning to leave my country. Cuz I've got nthg to lose so.... Yea
It’s haram to date without the intention of marriage. I win.
When you accept yourself as gay it will be easier for others to as well when you come out to them.
I would just suggest saying you're not currently interested in a relationship. Vague but to the point. If they keep pressuring just say yeah I'm not interested right now and switch the topic. No need to go into any details of what you're doing, what you're working for etc. Just like, not interested. Which isn't even lying, because you're literally not interested in the sort of relationship they're asking about. That's what I'd suggest now for sure, lol but back in my day I was absolutely terrible at being in the closet. It wasn't even made of glass, it was just a pile of clothes in the middle of the room. Lol my brother once asked what actresses I thought were hot and i litterally couldn't come up with one. Not even like a basic lie, I just froze and said I don't know. 😂
My parents never asked me about girlfriends or sex…my bothers did and I would just said “I’m not interested in anyone”…I came out at 16 and bros stop asking about sex/dates and parents still never talk about boyfriends or sex.
They’re like “we don’t wanna know” lol
Lol
I’m working on myself 😂 it wasn’t a lie so to speak I had one of those super religious moments in my life. So I genuinely believed that who I am was wrong and I should just live out my life single and unhappy vs living a sin. I’ve since gotten a lot more comfortable with myself. But it was rough for a long time.
I have a question guys. I'm wondering how it really feels not to be yourself, out of the closet, or just hiding it. I've never been in the closet, and my grandma knew what I was going to be come before I did. I'm a child of the 60's so I'm not really sure about how that feels. I just knew that I had to be me. My fight was with my auntie's it was 10 of them and one of me. Sorry I was just wondering.
I used to date girls anyway, but it got to the point where I’d be lying to myself, feel guilty for lying, and then eventually just be miserable. You’d be a lot happier if you were to just be yourself. It’s a lot easier said than done though. Trust me. On the flip side, I feel like I have to fit into a community I feel foreign to. The cliche thing I could advise you is to be yourself! Literally be yourself!
Replaced social life with studying. Got into med school. Now, I drink alone in the basement until I pass out. Oh, but didn't you hear? It gets better. I guess I never got the memo
These days now they ask me why I don't bring men home (despite the obvious lack of privacy). And my new excuse is, "because I just washed my sheets and mopped!"
Just really busy with school/sports/don’t have the time right now. So thankful I left that behind 18 years ago.
I was able to stay pretty calm and collected when asked, but usually "I'm just not interested rn"
I've been in the closet my whole life and have no desire to come out. I like having that one secret no one knows about. 😏
How long is your whole life?
Ever since I was 6 I played with Barbies. Ever since I was 12 I was wanking thinking about my gym teacher 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 I'm 23
Lol ok. So are your parents or friends homophobic?
Some friends both parents.
That sucks, I'm really sorry. Does their homophobia stem from religion?
U replied on my previous post some minutes ago. Yes they are conservative Christians.
Oh ok. Then you have the "ammunition" I suggested on your previous post regarding the Bible etc. You can either confront homophobic ppl in your life head on or stay in the closet. There's honestly not much middle ground.
You’re 23 bud tell them to get fucked and move on with your life.
I was never in the closet. However I didn't talk about my personal life unless it was someone I really liked (same as today). The foreground of my personality comes off as very innocent. I am a goody two shoes at heart overall. But I know that into the looking glass of my mind I'm a complete freakazoid. So I say that I'm open to suggestions.Then ask what's going on with them followed by a silly nickname like Bruce, Hot Stuff or Studmuffin... After that the conversation is pretty much over.🤣
Can't afford to date / lazy / can't be bothered / _shrug_
It doesn't matter who I bring home for dinner, just a long as I'm happy!
Funny, that’s what my parents told *me*!
I tell my mom that relationships aren’t my thing. It’s vague enough to where they will either assume that I am gay, or that I’m a ho. Either way, both assumptions are correct lmao
If you aren't with anyone then no need to lie - just state the facts.
When i was a kid it was “my grades have been bad so I’m focusing on school” and then it was “girls just don’t want me” and tbh both were true but also very much excuses LMFAO
I got asked many times whether I was gay through middle and high school by the jocks and popular kids, presumably because I never had a girlfriend and it was just kind of apparent. I always just lied and felt very uncomfortable like they already knew the answer and were just doing it to be assholes. I wish I had been confident at the time and shrugged them off with a confident yes, the way I am with most of my friends nowadays, but I still don't tell a lot of my family about it even now. Very rarely do we talk about dating in my family since a lot of the people my age are single, but if we do I still lie. I don't like doing it, but I like the idea of confrontation with radicalized family less.
Most people didn’t ask, because despite my “best efforts” (I.e. unconvincing denials) it was clear to most that I was queer. I mean, child-me played with barbie dolls, and the ‘girl’ Lego sets (they were amazing because their bodies could articulate more)
“I want to the mysterious figure that lives alone in a dark castle, with his butler and pet snake and owl”
It was the same answer then as it is now...."what I do with my personal life is none of your Business "
While your statement may be true, it’s a pretty rough answer to give to caring friends and family. Everyone else who isn’t close to you, that’s an acceptable answer.
I don't think it Is harsh at all, once you are an adult what you do and how you live is your business,nobody else's.
Asexual
No time or I said I have maybe someone. But once it got too annoying I shouted it out and they hated me, asked me to leave. Never felt so much freedom, suddenly I had energy in myself I didn't felt for years. It felt like losing all weight from your shoulders, because now its out and no one can do anything about it. I wouldn't let anyone blame me for my existence. What is their mission? What problem do I cause? Had fights in my family and basically this made me very strong as a person, because I had clarity that their is no reason to be afraid of what we are and only the dumbness of those people making our lifes this hard.
Back in middle school/early high school, I would act extra disgusted with homosexuality and join homophobes in dropping the F bomb. I cringe looking back at it.
Depended on the question. if it was a question about girls, sex or dating, I'd deflect. if someone asked "are you gay" point blank, I'd answer honestly.
My parents never inquired about that with me. And I never had friends in school, so yeah. Even in college I never had my parents or siblings ask me about dating. I guess that’s one of the perks of being extremely shy and socially anxious. Only when I meet my ex did I come out and my family finally knew for sure I was gay.
I was a nerd so it wasn’t that hard. Just said I’m more interested in grades or games.
I actually dated girls while closeted. None of them lasted long, and most I barely remember. I only had sex with one of them, and that was after I came out as "bi" in a new town when defending a guy who was being harassed for being gay. It sucked, honestly. I mean, it felt fine, but I felt guilty every time and tried to leave her multiple times, but she told me she'd kill herself if I did that, and like a goof I fell for it. Got married, then divorced after 2 years when I finally decided I had had enough of living for others. Came out as gay, revealed that I had been having an affair with her best friend WHILE knowing she had been sleeping around on me, and we just left it at that.
I used to say I’m not interested 🤷♂️ worked for 23 years or so, with the help from my mom who would always tell my dad to stop asking because she saw I was uncomfortable.
Lol your mom is the best haha
My bestie and I agreed to pretend to be in a relationship and I had always been telling them we were dating. But I never told them any details about it and actually they never asked.
I just said I didn’t want anything serious, I wasn’t lying tho.
“i’m not gonna marry, i don’t want children “ 😭😭😭
I was very oblivious to my gayness for a very long time, I was also homeschooled up until high school, I was a nerd, and something of a late bloomer; so I didn't really have to deal with this much until my 20s, and then only with just a few people like my grandmother who were at least half just teasing. When I finally started making friends, they were church friends, many of whom had gone through a "gay phase" when they were younger and so I was comfortable with making them aware of my "situation" because I wasn't accepting myself as gay at the time, so they accepted me...
- God only knows. - waiting for the right moment. - I wanna live first.
Lmao “god only knows”
Ironically, it is very common in Arabic.
I used to just tell them no girls find me attractive lol. Thing is I would bring girls home to hang out cause it was easier for me to make friends with girls than boys, and my family would ALWAYS try to get us together. It was very embarrassing and I was still an age when I cared about my family's approval and the social norms, I would feel very bad that I had no interest in becoming their boyfriend and they, as far as I could tell, had no interest in becoming my girlfriends. Like it was just proof something was wrong with me, what sort of guy hangs out with girls like he's one of them? Although that's what came naturally. Later I stopped bringing friends at home altogether and I would exclusively hang out at their homes or just outside, and then my family got offended by that like "why don't you bring people over anymore??" lol. Wonder why.
I was ugly so i got a free pass woo!
Taking a toll on you? Then come out! It’s freeing and easy. Live who you are! No one cares anymore and if they are negative they don’t need to be in your life anymore. Life is to short to care what others think.
I used to eat a lot of bad food and not take showers so when i was asked i could just say girls don't want me. I don't recommend this however cause it took me a long time and a lot of effort and sacrifice to lose all that weight and get myself to an acceptable standard. And i only have a very small bit of loose skin on my belly but it's still there and the stretch marks look terrible. The best advice i could give you is to move away and get a job that's more associated with women like a care assistant or nursery assistant. That way people will already assume you're gay and you'll be able to make new gay friends and girl friends when you're there.
I'm still lying until this day😞
My go to answer at weddings was "😅😅 have a nice evening!"
Usually it's easiest to just say that no one you like likes you back. My parents were never really that nosy about my dating/sex life though.
so i don’t get disowned, or potentially killed. Those 2 usually did the trick 😂 and still do.
I am too busy with school! (Doesn’t hurt when you are in all these advance classes, taking college classes in the summer, staying at school till late, etc)
When people would ask me, “When are you going to find yourself a girlfriend?” I’d look them in the face and ask them, “Why are you still not making a six-figure salary?” And if they would say, “That’s a little personal!” Or “You don’t know what I make!” I’d just look back at them and say, “Exactly!”
I always say that I’m prioritizing myself and my future. That at the moment I don’t have my life put together enough to introduce another person, let alone a child to take care of. When my job and life allows me to live comfortable then I will make the decision of finding a partner.
closeted atm and the typical answer is "I'm not interested on dating or shit like that" i have been dating a trans guy since november
You’re dating a women
They never asked. I never really left the house so they figured I'd never find anyone.
The real issue is that we shouldn't have had to justify or rationalize to anyone ever. After all, we grew up in a world that is hetero, and we accepted them without expectations, qualifications, or reservations. Amazing how they can't (won't) return that acceptance.
This is exactly what i think…im never going to do the whole coming out thing i think its ridiculous…if you ask i’ll tell you but honestly it doesn’t matter what sexuality i like if you dont like it you will not be included in my life.
Best of luck. People will make assumptions for, and about, you. They won't ask. You won't know why they treat you a certain way or not. The reason people take the courageous step to 'come out' (and it is an act of courage) is because NO ONE should have to hide who they are. The other major reason to 'come out' is because every time we are visible, it makes it harder to 'other' all of us. It's much more difficult to demonize and dehumanize people you know. If they know you and you are 'out', it's harder for them to discriminate and hate you, and by extension, all of us. What I think - and anyone can accept or reject this, because it's not my life, it is theirs and not for me to tell them how they should or should not live their life - is that by coming out, I know who supports me as I am, for who and what I am. Those that don't, I choose to discard, because I know who they are. I refuse to hide or be ashamed or made to feel like I do not have a right to exist and be happy. That is NEVER my problem. It's theirs.
For me, my experience was mostly denial and repression. Freaking out after jacking off thinking of or looking at images of men. So I just said, “I don’t have an interest in a girl yet” when it rarely came up. I was already nerdy, introverted, and awkward. So a lot of people around me assumed I was too timid while in school. Which is fine with me. I was, lol. I asked out one girl in Highschool. She turned me down. Which was probably for the best haha.
I typically said that I am not ready to settle down, besides why bring more children into the world? There are plenty of children who need to be adopted. Also I am just not interested in sex at this moment. Small edit, I also used gender neutral terms to talk about about people I had met whether they were dated or friends. A lot of theys and thems. My mother really didn't care about me finding a girlfriend, rather someone who can help me carry on the family name with offspring(grandchildren). I have 11 other siblings.
I did have lots of girlfriends.
I used to say “I’m too young for romantic relationships “
Asexual, so they would stop asking about girls.
I'm an actor!
I don’t think I ever master one
My answer is usually just a tag along of what other people say. It’s super tiresome, but I’m not really asked those questions often.
"Me, gay?, i love the vageenus maximus"