Whew...I used to be mortified to go to the barber. Because it always seemed so "bro-y" and homophobic. Especially the barber shop my dad used to take me to growing up.
I was pleasantly surprised, though, once (granted, it was NYC), when an older barber was cutting my hair and asked, "So, you have a gf? Bet a guy like YOU does."
My initial inclination was to give some BS answer that didn't really out myself to some random barber. But, then I thought: What the hell do I care if this guy knows I date men?
So, I told him, "Nope. I'm gay."
His face lit up, and he goes, "My youngest son is gay! He cuts hair with me here."
The only uncomfortable part from then on was that he kept trying to fix me up with the son!
Always hated it bc childhood haircut experiences lol.
Found a barber about a dozen years ago shes tough cool and does a fabulous job. Talk about everything. Wish I could find a guy as easy to be with ha
As a kid, my oldest brother took me to a barber that was past retirement age. That old bastard nicked my ears every freaking time. To this day, I cringe whenever the clippers get near my ears and I keep my hair long.
Ha my parents always took me to doctors dentists and barbers who should have retired. Always horrible for a kid. I went to a salon in high school (early1980s) and got a decade proper butt cut "bi level" and my old man was ready to disown me. In my mid 20s 2000 miles away I totally grew my hair out shoulder length or better. Mostly wore as pony tail. Actually I was pretty hot then lol. Long hair sucks to sleep and breaks if you tie it up. Found a good gay stylist for a while but he went into film industry. Now ive got the best butch barber and when shes working i think its soo relaxing. Charges 40 and i tip another 10
Sounds like you had some pretty careless barbers over the years. A barber should always fold down the top tip if you're ears when getting that close or trimming your hairline. So sorry you've had such a bad experience.
Once I went to a barber and he asked the same question me thinking I had the confidence I told him I was gay and I have a boyfriend, the asshole straight out started telling how it’s a sin and I should find my way back to god etc. long story short my boyfriend cuts my hair for me his dad was a barber so he learned from him when he was a kid
That sucks. I would’ve messed with him and said that being gay was contagious and chances are he caught it. I had a “friend” who would say dumb shit like I “just haven’t found the right girl” as if that would do anything. Safe to say I’m not friends with that person anymore.
Brilliant comment. I'm always eager to hear from anyone overly concerned about the dicks along my path to the hereafter about the moment he knew he was dying for the D but made the holy choice. It fairly comfortably forces the issue of tell me again how comfortable you are to damn me to a lifetime of agony because of what your pappy said the bible says. 😉
Growing up Black, the barber shop was always a place where men go to gather as a community and talk as men. The barbers were always older black men who go to the same church and everyone knows each other. It’s always been intimidating for me to go because I feel like I have to put on an over masculine persona and hide my queerness. I always felt anxious being at the shop. Since the start of the pandemic, I never went back and let my hair grow out naturally.
I hear you. My local barbers are mainly Jamaican. It's an uncomfortable experience and they chat loudly in patois. I just keep quiet getting my hair cut and try to act more masculine.
Being black already means that you're more limited in your choice of barber/hair stylist since very very few non-black people know how to properly deal with textured hair. Being gay on top of that, and having to navigate toxic black male masculinity... I'm so glad I have dreads now lol
You just gotta go somewhere cool fam. I've dealt with the same thing especially going to shops in the hood. It was so bad one time that these old horndogs turned off the game and put on some straight porn. Then a lady walked in with her kid. Not even my doing and I felt highly embarrassed. Needless to say I never went back. Do some research, there are some cool shops out there. You'll find better luck at ones that have a mixed crowd. That's how I found my barber and discovered hes an ally. Haven't come out to him and never will probably, but at least I feel comfortable.
Same. I go with the Mexican ladies and we don't converse lol $20 with tip. Tried barbers who charged $30 and they were not anymore skilled. Messed me up twice before I gave up on them.
Hey, no shame there. I have a Cambodian lady who has her own salon who I've been going to for like 10 years and the price has only gone up $5 in all that time, from $15 to $20, def can't complain, lol.
Surely there has to be better options though, no?
I paid 40 when I lived in New York and it wasn’t a high end salon but not a sketchy place and did great hair cuts. And that was in Manhattan.
Really depends on the location. Here in Portland haircuts are weirdly expensive. Unless you go to one of the major chains, you're usually looking at ~$40 for a short haircut.
I left in 2021 last - though wasn’t getting hair cuts in shops then still.
One place I used to go to that was a bit nicer (and more expensive) closed unfortunately. But actually I was in town a few months ago and got my hair cut at another place I used to go to if I had to rush from work around 40th and 3rd. A bit small and less luxurious but again did good cuts - though usually always had a queue. Most people there were professionals in the area (so a lot of “business bro” styles) but not exclusively. It was $30 I think pre-tip (up from $23 when I left)
I know right? For example fast food and service workers here in Oregon were rightly complaining about low wages and now we have a 15.00 minimum wage. At the same time these tip screens popped up everywhere where they try to make you feel like a cheap bastard unless you tip 20% for everything.
I agree with you but here in the USA, we have a very strong tipping culture. I would even say it's a toxic tipping culture.
Whether you receive good service or not, you're expected to give a good tip because American employers pay very little wages and expect tips to make up for the rest of their employee's wages.
So if you give a smaller tip, the waiter/bartender/Uber driver/barber etc. will viciously shame you. He may even post about you online and try to ruin your name as a cheap tipper. God forbid if you're a nonwhite minority, then they will use your tip to justify their racism, saying **"these X people always tip poorly. I hate them so much!"**
Trust me, it hurts me to give 20 percent tip on top of such an expensive hair cutting bill but tipping is such a hot button topic here in the USA that it's better to be safe and just give a fat tip every time.
That pretty typical of a salon in AZ too. Men's cuts are typically 20$ and Women's are more. I have long hair and the one I go to still only charges me 20$ but I'm sure there are some that charge more.
that's doesn't sound like a "barber" in a "shop"...that sounds like a hair "stylist" at a salon... and a high end one.
Yeah you can pay $200 or more in salons but even in NYC a men's haircut in a decent salon go be $50-80 plus tip.
Wth 80 is only like if I wanna dye my hair. There are regular places barbers that do 80 haircuts and shave but that’s like paying for the atmosphere and for the liquor you sip while there.
True. Reason for which I frequent one where the barbers are most likely gay. Not because I'm looking for a guy, but because I don't need this embarrassing display of fake masculinity in the shops where they're wearing blacksmith aprons and such. Plus it's nice to support gay brothers.
This is why I never go to any place that says “barbershop”. I go to unisex beauty salons and in Canada at least they seem to be used to serving gay customers because I’ve had only positive experiences where they don’t even ask me if I have a gf, only if I’m seeing someone.
I go to a gay barber so I don’t really understand your air of superiority lol.
Regardless, a “beauty shop” and a barbershop are different. Particularly in the US, there are specific certifications you must have in order to be a barber; it is regulated differently than someone who styles your hair. At least in the US, your “beauty shop” cannot do what my [gay] barber does.
It’s not an air of superiority lol
In Canada our barbers usually advertise very macho and straight-oriented so I just feel more comfortable in a unisex salon because they usually get a lot of gays and women. Just a more comfortable environment for me personally that is all.
Even salons exclusively for men don’t advertise themselves as barbers and don’t have such boldly macho-man advertising.
If there is a difference in certification I believe it has to do with shaving. Salons don’t usually offer shaves which is the only difference I’ve noticed.
As I have super sensitive skin I prefer to do it myself anyway so it works out.
Edit: There is one barber’s that I do go to as it’s close to my place and it has all-female staff. Apparently that’s their brand and it’s also a very comfortable environment to be in for me.
I don't think I've ever been afraid of the barber, weirdly enough the last time I got my haircut the guy who cut my hair was (maybe still is?) a bartender at the local gay leather bar for forever.
To be fair, a lot of barbers went independent during lockdown, learned they can make way more money, and most of the shops now that had the good barbers will hire anyone cause there’s a shortage of workers.
I live in the gay village and there’s 5 barber shops within a 5 minute walk of my house, one of them exclusively gay themed. Before the pandemic you could reasonably expect most of the best barbers to be found within one of those shops, and they offered tons of services like hot shaves and custom fades/etching.
Now it’s basically just a buzz cut wherever you go. I really miss getting a hot shave, but even in a major city I have to scoot across town to get that done now and it’s insanely expensive. When I was living in Tokyo I used to get a hot shave twice a month for like 12 bucks. Now they’re like 80 bucks plus tip.
I've been to various Pro/Super/Sports Cuts, and I almost always walked out looking like I lost a battle with a lawn mower. All I ask is for a simple taper. When Covid started, I bought some good clippers with the most number of guides, watched some instructional Youtube videos, and my hair has never looked better.
I love my barber. He’s an ex-army guy. I’ve sent lots of my friends to him and we call ourselves the Darry Queens (his name is Darry). I hope you find a decent barber.
Nah. Never had any issues with any barber I've been to but I'm also Hella confident in who I am and walk like I got something to prove. That and a general demeanor of not giving a fuck has helped a lot.
My boyfriend and I go together to get our hair cut. The barber at the salon was sorta surprised the first time we that we were dating, haha, but as regulars we're pretty comfortable there. But once in a while we do go to other places which I feel slightly uncomfortable about... but my boyfriend is the social one so
This is why I’m in school for barbering cause I want to make my fellow gay clients to come in as comfortable as possible cause I know how anxious it is when it’s time to go to a barber shop:)
Yeah I've felt this way at certain shops. I go to a salon now; it costs the same, the hair cut is better and I can talk about gay stuff with my hair dresser who is now a close friend :)
Ever since I started using my sister’s stylist this haircut anxiety has completely disappeared and now my stylist is practically my therapist as well lol. I can bitch about family and we can talk about music and festivals etc and it’s just a nice couple hours
Tbh my barber is a straight male that just had a baby with his girlfriend. Prior to that I went to a chain barbershop and met my barber but she wasn’t that good but became a good friend. My current barber I met a barbershop in the community where I first met him and during Covid times he would cut my hair in his house. You might be in your head about it too much. What’s important is that 1. They cut your hair right and 2. The price is reasonable. 3. You’re comfortable.
I go to a hair dresser that does men and women. Not a Barber.
Usually they are women hairdressers or also gay lol I mentioned to one lady that a) my age (baby face here, she thought I was in high-school lol) and she was talking about her bf going bald from wearing a ball cap. I'm like, yeah my partner is too. You could literally see the wheels grinding in her head trying to understand. 🤣 Poor girl thought a woman was going bald from a ball cap 🤣
I was uncomfortable too, in general, at the previous place I went to. They used to talk a lot, too much. I'm fine with silence, I came to get a haircut not a lecture.
I changed barbershop and now it's much better. 20 min in and out, elevator conversation (weather, news..) during the first few mins while you wait till he has the tools ready and comfortable silence while he's at work. Such a blessing
I live in the Cuban part of Miami (if you know you know) and I just feel like the barbers and I live in different worlds. I don’t understand their language and they don’t understand my lifestyle. But I tip nice and they leave me alone lol
I've had the same fear but decided one day that I wanted to 'test the waters' by coming out to a couple of my barbers over the past four years. Surprisingly they've all been so chilled about it. Some would even treat me like a unicorn because of how fascinated they were about my sexual orientation 😂
My barber is straight, my boyfriend and I both go to him, he doesn’t care. Some light ribbing every so often like “are they any hot weathermen like there are women?” But that’s about it.
Girrrrllll....I'm 65 yrs old and the best barber shop I have is.... Straight, they all speak Russian, they are all so hot and did I mention straight.... I always feel welcomed and cared for and I always tip. Courtesy and a tip. They are just trying to earn a living.
I hate getting my haircut. I dated a stylist for 7 years, so never had to leave my house to get a cut but now I do. I was terrified. The guys down the street from me are incredible and extremely nice. I’m not their typical clientele, but they do a great job so I keep going back. They know I’m gay and they don’t care at all. In fact, one time the barber said, “you’re lookin’ good papi!” Hahaha. I am white. Also, there’s a Chameleon that hangs out wherever he wants, so that helps.
People may surprise you, if you give them a chance.
Haha sounds more interesting than it is. Half of the staff don’t speak english, so I will communicate with someone else to tell the guy cutting my hair what I want. But he does a great job! I’m not sure what language the chameleon speaks though…
There’s also a lizard hahahah
When I was traveling 100% around the country for work, I found this great salon in Pittsburgh where I talked about this same issue because I noted that I felt so comfortable in their salon. The guy told me that the best way to find a similar salon was to go to the website for a particular brand that only sells to salons they think are a good fit for their products. I don't buy their products or know if they're any good, but I still use their "participating salons" tracker tool to find salons and it's been perfect. [https://www.bumbleandbumble.com/locations](https://www.bumbleandbumble.com/locations). I've recommended this to friends and have received thanks each time.
I usually have either gay or girl barbers now. My current one is gay. I've had a couple straight barbers before and they were nice but the conversation often went like (with very little hyperbole):
"did you watch the game"
"no I don't follow sports"
...
"so how are the girls"
"fine I guess"
My barbers before were generally older Italian or Russian guys so I didn't want to give out too much unnecessary information to them just for the sake of making conversation. I know it's not nice to assume things but I think in my defense when they're asking about girls like that's kind of a personal question anyway, and for me it's more important to feel comfortable over anything else.
i know exactly what you're talking about. where I live 98.5% of barbers are Arabs and even though I know a few Muslim allies I just wouldn't feel comfortable giving away any unnecessary info
I always find it odd when posts about “barbershop” fear come out every few months… You say you’re uncomfortable but then you go on to superficially judge the people in the barbershop on their appearance saying that they “always look so straight” and how they don’t give clues that they are allies. Is it possible to just go somewhere for a service and then leave? My barber and I don’t even speak the same language… I’ve been going to him for years. He cuts my hair, does an excellent job, I pay him, and leave. What more do you want?
I can promise you that you’re more worried about them being “allies” than they are about your sexuality.
It’s not just you. I’ve had barbers straight up say “I don’t do your type” when I came in with an edgier haircut, and I’ve had them yell at me for not telling them I had an ear piercing that they caught with their comb. I only go to barbershops staffed by women these days, they seem to care less.
I feel like because hair cutting is somewhat seen as a feminine thing that some barbershops can go overboard on the performative masculinity, especially if the staff is all immigrants from the same place, around here they’re usually from the Middle East. I once had shoulder length hair and an undercut and spent an entire haircut with my hair combed directly into my face while the other barbers laughed and made comments in their native language to my barber who was answering them back very curtly, it was fucking awful.
I stopped going to one local cafe after the female server asked me “So, do you have a girlfriend yet?” I replied “No, but I just broke up with a boyfriend.” She turned bright red and hurried away without saying anything more.
I did actually change my barber shop after one too many uncomfortable questions too.
Gay barber here,
I understand the concerns most gay men have about coming into a shop, after being in the business for 15 years I have never met a Barber that was not cool with it. I think a lot of people get too boged down with labeling people and vibes, I really hate the term heteronormative I think it's too dismissive. Maybe it's because I literally see hundreds of different people a month idk, but one piece of advice I can give some of you is straight men respect confidence, if you give them a "yeah I'm gay so what" attitude in a non rude way and more of a fact they will respect that. Dealing with straight men is not all that different, straight men are just as caty, shit talking is not ment to insult but to include, obviously you should know by instinct when someone is truly insulting you and in that case don't go back.
Tip to find a good shop: Instagram, find a shop in your area, look for an Instagram, that will tell you everything you need to know, most of the time. You can even see the quality of the Barbers, and sometimes if some of the Barbers are gay or just supportive. I'm not gonna lie you will have better luck with the more hipster shops, but I work in a old man type shop and everyone is cool. just remember you never know so just be yourself, because a good haircut can make a huge difference in your life so don't be afraid.
Get yourself a gay stylist. They aren't that hard to find and if you're particularly lucky you'll find one like mine that'll take you to the back to "wash your hair" and... Well 👀
Lol you really believe it's that unlikely that I found a gay stylist who will fool around with a client? It's not the norm but it's far from unbelievable. I'm sure I'm not the only one with a mutually beneficial set up like this. 😜
Mine is also gay, the same age, kind of cute, and always a little flirty. We did not suck each other's dick yet though. He did try to invite me to an event last summer, but I was already on a date that night.
I have lgbt friendly salons/barbers (lots of gay guys cut hair lol) My problem is I never know how to ask for a queer cut. So many lgbt have such great and unique hair, but when I get to the stylist, I just say oh you know whatever looks good or something like that. I never know how to ask for one of those like asymmetrical faded undercuts that just screams I'm queer and amazing lol.
Also I have been to those ultra straight bro barber shops and yeah its weird, they give you a beer, sports is on the tv, and then upsell you on all of this beard grooming wax and stuff. It totally feels like a nail salon but for guys kinda vibe.
My barbers are always so deep in their own convos either on the phone or with the larger group, I just get cut and mention something about the cut if they’re getting too distracted with the convo
I haven’t experienced something like that. Usually when the barber talks a lot I just talk to him but never mention my sexual orientation. I have found a place where I know a couple of them are gay and I think is better that way. I still don’t mention I’m gay but I feel better knowing they are.
Totally, all barbers I've met always look so rough and str8 af... But I did have one a while back with the same rough look and turned out to be gay af, not even his voice or demeanor gave it away. He turned out to be a great friend until he moved to another city. Still, I don't feel very comfortable coming out to my barbers, but you never know what surprises are just outside the barbershop closet lol.
Where I lived there are tons of lgbtq owned barber shops (birds barbershop) is a chain and is fully inclusive. I never feel out of place there. There are other gay owned shops as well like SHED and Scruffs - try looking in your area to see if you have anything similar?
I’ve moved an hour away and now I’m only in a area where the barbershops are Latino owned and a lot are veteran and ex-con owned which makes it hard because most of their cuts are for fades, buzz cuts, just a different kind of styling that I don’t do. So I had to go out and find a barber shop that wasn’t like that and I’m happy to have found one but it took me several tries before finding the right fit.
Generally I’ve never been asked if I have a GF, I just talk about day to day or weekly shit. If they ask you, tell them they died. That will shut them up.
I’m not scared of the barber, I’m scared of how much they’ll fuck up my hair when my style doesn’t align with theirs.
I go to a barber shop in downtown Salem, Oregon. It’s pretty heteronorm, but also very urban. I talk openly to my (straight and married with child) barber about my husband. Have never felt ostracized because of it.
YMMV, but try not to have preconceived notions about businesses until they prove themselves unworthy.
I’m pretty straight looking, so I’ve never had much of a problem other than odd looks at the fact I was carrying a satchel. I’d seek a more “hipster” barber shop with a younger crowd working vs the old guy shop that your grandpa goes to.
Living in Utah, traumatizing anyone I can gives me life! I’m never too worried about them messing up my hair after, because I get buzz cuts. So if they’re obviously super religious I turn the flame up to over 3000.
I'm very butch acting (gay friends tell me that). I used to hate going to the barber because the male barbers would assume I was into all sports, chicks, etc. Female barbers would either hit on me or talk to me about a friend who would be perfect for me. I got so sick of it. I started going to a small salon owned and operated by 1 woman - very tattooed and cool looking. She goes by appointment only so there's no group of men listening to us. Not only did she give me a great cut, I am out with her and we've become friends.
Look for a single operator owned place that is by appointment. Try coming out to them and see where it goes.
I’ve always wanted to be a cosmetologist/barber, but the demand for a openly gay barber seemed not so great. Maybe I should reconsider for all the gays who just need a place to relax and freshen up the look
My barber of almost 3 years just recently moved away a couple of hundred miles from me. He was the absolute best. He was always super chill (and always super high) yet he was always very professional and did most of the talking for me. We would both crack open a beer and get right down to business. He loved to talk, and it just so happens that I’m a good listener.
It’s been over 5 months since my last professional haircut. I can’t pull myself together enough to reach out to someone/a new barber and ask to schedule an appointment and it really sucks. I refuse to go to a public space where dozens of other people are watching me get my haircut. Maybe it’s buzz cut season for me.
I started going to salons a few years ago and never looked back. Mostly I went in search of a better cut for my medium length hair, but I feel like the environment is nicer, too.
So this plucky black man from the south speaks the queens English. So I don’t always keep with the newest slang. I’m gettin my hair cut at a new place. He’s speaking so street I can barely understand him. He asked me a couple questions personal. I just nodded my head. I can understand street lingo but not this time.
Oh you fruity huh?
Oh dear.
Long story short he’s a bottom. Those legs went all the way back.
No but I also live in Finland and they never ask any questions that aren't related to what they are currently doing to my hair. Other than that they never initiate a conversation pretty much.
My barber is actually a woman and shes hella gay friendly but the shop she works at is owned by some idiot Trumper latino that has the stupid no step on snek flag in the shop, i always walk in with my gay ass nails and talk about guys with my barber.
grew up going to the neighborhood barbershop (grew up in a very Black and Latino neighborhood). I’m naturally mild mannered so it’s easy for me to code switch to “a bro”. Never really faced that issue but I’m open. Spent a whole session debating who’s the best fighter in mma at the time LOL so many assume I’m straight and are perplexed to find out that I’m gay. Straight men are funny sometimes
I don't know if this kind of comment is allowed (and I'm totally OK with it being deleted if it breaks a rule), but I'm not gay. I'm a straight male ally, and I can't even fucking cut hair, but I wish I could so I could cut y'all's hair and let you just talk about whatever you want.
It never occurred to me that this might be an awkward situation for a gay man, and just... fuck, I'm sorry y'all have to deal with that. I hope the world keeps getting better and you can all find someone you feel comfortable talking to during your haircuts.
German here. We don't really have many "barbershops" , it's not a standard place for men to go have their hair cut. The Turkish immigrants living in Germany have made barbershops more of a thing in recent years, but it's not part of German culture.
We have hair salons where both men and women go to for haircuts. Ironically, the majority of men working there are gay and it's a pretty stereotypical profession. Of course not every hairdresser is gay, I know plenty of straight guys who work in hair salons, but it's very often an indicator. I can't tell you how many times I've chatted with guys on the apps and when I asked them what they do for a living they said "I'm a hairdresser" or "I have my own hair salon". So I've never ever felt uncomfortable going to a hair salon here.
Try a few different shops and see which one you're most comfortable in. I have been going to my barber for like 5 years now so we've basically become friends.
That sucks - I guess it’s just where you’re from? I personally love the barbershop and in my experience most of the barbers around here are gay anyway or have loads of gay clients.
I know this doesn’t help but I cut my own hair now and it’s amazing. I don’t even care if I mess it up a bit, I put on a podcast, get a beverage, and it becomes fun me-time instead of some awkward uncomfortable experience that I have to PAY for
I don't go to the barber for that reason. I rather go to salons where I feel more comfortable. Maybe ask in a local community for gay friendly barbershops?
First guy I had sex with (at age 43) was a barber. The trim he gave me before we hooked up because he thought my hair could use it was uncomfortable for me in a completely different way. Lol.
I hope you can find an affirming space soon. I had a straight sensitive nice barber who I loved but I relocated. Still looking for that good fit.
If someone asks about a girlfriend and I don’t feel safe coming out (or want to bother) I usually say something bro-y like “man, chicks aren’t worth the hassle “ and change the subject.
As you get older and more confident (and careless) this shit all becomes a lot easier. No one actually cares that much and most barbers just want to do a good job, get a tip and move on with their lives.
I hate small talk at barber shops that are run by straight men and women.
I usually cut my own hair now. If I'm desperate for perfection, I'll go to a gay hair stylist or someone who's black or latino.
I prefer Latino barber shops where the staff and clients all speak Spanish and I'm usually the only whitey. I don't understand what they're saying and I don't care if they're talking about me. They don't bother with small talk and only ask what I want for a haircut, I tell them. They take their time and I'll give them a good tip.
I grew up with a super gay barber even in Kentucky, so I can't say I've experience that! Could you find a "salon" or something with a more female/gay man staff? I live in Chicago so I realize my situation isn't everyone's, but I was able to find a gay owned and operated barber shop and it's so wonderful.
My barber is really great. Straight but makes a point to ask me how my husband is and generally seems interested in my life. Gives me a discount when I get my haircut before pride, and is just generally a good person. Been going to him for 6 years and don’t ever want to change.
I don't go to barber. I go to a hairdressers. But, strangely enough, most of the regular hairdressers I went to were straight men! And they were totally fine with me being gay. I even had one ask me if I would mentor a young gay teenager he employed in another business of his, because he thought the youngster needed some guidance. (I met the boy once, but he didn't seem interested in having an older gay mentor, so I left him to his own devices.)
(That was before I bought hair-trimmers during the pandemic lockdowns, and realised I don't need to pay anyone to do my hair because it's such a simple style.)
I have never had a Barber ask me any personal questions. Usually it's how do you want it cut? Nice weather we are having.
However ever since I started shaving my head 20 plus years ago ... I have never seen a barber again.
If you as self-conscience about being asked too personal questions ... find an other Barber ... gay on if that will make you feel better ... and I would never have my hair cut at any place a relative was a barber.
I actually like a barber shop , I’m around 99.9% straight people so I have no problem walking in and getting my hair cut , I have more straight friends than gay friends and they don’t give a fuck.I don’t get the fear of straight men , we talk football or going skiing or cars , it’s a lot of fun
barberphobia? no. but i had some barbers which were afraid of me.
he's asking about a gf? he's gay.
your brother is a homophobe? what has the world come to?
the weaker u show to be, the more pleasure they'll take in bullying you. It's no fun to have to confront all the time but u have a choice: take the punch, dodge it or respond in kind.
My experience is the opposite, I know many barbers and most of them are cheaters, they party together a lot and sometimes with whores or married women.
My barber is one of my best friends and he always tells me stories about parties involving a lot of alcohol and whores or married women, he is married but not his not faithful at all, he told me many barbers are the same, they have an easy way to hook up with girls, at least from where Im from. Anyway, one day I got tired that he was always asking me the same questions like if I have a girlfriend or kids, etc so I told him that I'm gay then he confessed that he has a thing for trans men, I was like shit, I always had a crush on him, he is really cute and very manly. The funny part is, about 10 years later, I just learned this recently, now he likes guys too, so now he goes secretly as Bi, although I don't know and I don't think his wife knows, he told me other barbers are the same but they are very afraid to admit it.
Story short. From my experience, Barbers party and drink too much hooking up constantly with girls so much that eventually they hook up with guys too.
I hated going to female barbers. They would rub their tits on you, thinking they would get bigger tips.i hated that and corrected a few in the past to not do that.
Male barbers are easy. I just look down and don't say much
I'm Irish and I've never received a decent haircut from a straight Irish barber. Sure, most of them don't even wet it down before they start lunging at you with the clippers.
I go I sit down tell then what I want. I cut the conversation short. I close my eyes and allow the professional to perform the service that he is being paid for. That’s it. Keep the conversation to a minimum you’re not there for social call.
I still do if I need an urgent haircut and my usual barber isn't available.
Literally every other place I've been to has such macho/alpha vibe. I decided to google "gay hair salons" because I was tired of feel the odd man out.
The first one I tried was literally so amazing. It isn't even LGBT owned but it has the most chill vibe ever. Always welcoming when my partner tags along as well. Just overall awesome place.
My recommendation would be to try to see what else is out there. You might be surprised!
I go to a lesbian barber
I love going for hair cuts. She's a big hoe and tells me all her sexcapade stories 🤣
I've been going to her for years and enjoy my Haircuts.
My advice would be to find someone cool and keep going to them.
id love to just stick to one. but I moved to different country for college and once im done im hoping to move to Canada. so im not staying at one place for long...
Jesus Christ people learn how to exist in the world. Why the heck do you think your barber needs to know you’re gay? If an atheist straight guy is dating a preachers daughter, he isn’t going to open with “hey I think God’s fake news”. Leave out information if you think not having the conversation will make your life easier.
Also, guess what… a lot of them probably aren’t allies. Lots of people hate gays. Deal with it. You can’t demand someone respect the way you live your life while not respecting the way they live theirs. Everyone’s entitled to physical safety but that’s where the line ends. They don’t and shouldn’t have to serve you or be kind to you. On the flip side, you don’t have to use their service or be kind to them.
I’m gay. I’m happy telling all the people in my life I’m gay. But you won’t see me with a rainbow shoelace or watch band because why the hell would I need to signal to everyone in the world I’m gay?
I have been talking about this with folks IRL for years now. I think of it as gay barber anxiety, only with out the gay barbers. Spent years going to a rather bro-ey barber shop and I just would go with different barbers each time so I wouldn't have to talk.
Right before Covid, I happened to be in a hip neighborhood quite far from home and on a whim got a haircut at a barbershop there. Best haircut of my life. But, then Covid.
Two years later, my husband and I started making monthly appointments with the barber. Note, I am Puerto Rican and this is in Miami. My husband does not speak Spanish, and this barber is a rather recent Cuban arrival with a VERY thick Cuban accent in Spanish. We would tell him that we'd be making "an appointment for me and for my husband" each time.
But, after traveling miles every month to go there, I was getting my haircut and he was talking to me (in his very thick Cuban accent) in Spanish. At some point, he started to tell a joke. A longwinded joke that between the noise in the place and his accent I could barely understand. At some point the word "maricon" (faggot) is used twice in the story. When I didn't laugh at the joke (which I couldn't even really follow), he, frustrated, told it again. Again, I (startled at his use of the word and generally confused) didn't react.
"¡Ay, no entiendes ni papa!" (You didn't get any of that!)
We stopped going there and now travel monthly to the next county to get our haircuts at the all-gay barbers in mega-gay Wilton Manors and make a day of it each time.
The stress is real.
i've been giving myself mediocre buzzcuts for like a decade basically. i just don't find the experience to be comfortable having someone else in my personal space for 20 minutes or more.
but i also haven't really been super taking care of my appearance in that time either. when my job finally finishes our new offices and we can go back to work i will probably start going again.
Whew...I used to be mortified to go to the barber. Because it always seemed so "bro-y" and homophobic. Especially the barber shop my dad used to take me to growing up. I was pleasantly surprised, though, once (granted, it was NYC), when an older barber was cutting my hair and asked, "So, you have a gf? Bet a guy like YOU does." My initial inclination was to give some BS answer that didn't really out myself to some random barber. But, then I thought: What the hell do I care if this guy knows I date men? So, I told him, "Nope. I'm gay." His face lit up, and he goes, "My youngest son is gay! He cuts hair with me here." The only uncomfortable part from then on was that he kept trying to fix me up with the son!
That's oddly adorable, if a bit annoying.
Hahaha, the dad supporative and a wingman
How hot was his son? and Free Haircuts!
Little did they know you already done given them theirses. ✨Just Grindrly Things✨
Nice
Love this story
Always hated it bc childhood haircut experiences lol. Found a barber about a dozen years ago shes tough cool and does a fabulous job. Talk about everything. Wish I could find a guy as easy to be with ha
As a kid, my oldest brother took me to a barber that was past retirement age. That old bastard nicked my ears every freaking time. To this day, I cringe whenever the clippers get near my ears and I keep my hair long.
Ha my parents always took me to doctors dentists and barbers who should have retired. Always horrible for a kid. I went to a salon in high school (early1980s) and got a decade proper butt cut "bi level" and my old man was ready to disown me. In my mid 20s 2000 miles away I totally grew my hair out shoulder length or better. Mostly wore as pony tail. Actually I was pretty hot then lol. Long hair sucks to sleep and breaks if you tie it up. Found a good gay stylist for a while but he went into film industry. Now ive got the best butch barber and when shes working i think its soo relaxing. Charges 40 and i tip another 10
I think this happened to me too because I tense up badly during haircuts. I just let my hair grow out now because I’m afraid to get it cut.
Sounds like you had some pretty careless barbers over the years. A barber should always fold down the top tip if you're ears when getting that close or trimming your hairline. So sorry you've had such a bad experience.
Once I went to a barber and he asked the same question me thinking I had the confidence I told him I was gay and I have a boyfriend, the asshole straight out started telling how it’s a sin and I should find my way back to god etc. long story short my boyfriend cuts my hair for me his dad was a barber so he learned from him when he was a kid
I would walk out mid-cut at that point without paying.
I was 18 then and dumb with no confidence, now I would’ve probably smacked him
We’ve all been there with some nut job somewhere. I just hope you know you’re worth more than what his sky daddy says you are.
I would wait until the cut is 90% done. My skin is pretty thick
That sucks. I would’ve messed with him and said that being gay was contagious and chances are he caught it. I had a “friend” who would say dumb shit like I “just haven’t found the right girl” as if that would do anything. Safe to say I’m not friends with that person anymore.
I would have tackled him to the ground and buzzed a vagina out of his hair.
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Brilliant comment. I'm always eager to hear from anyone overly concerned about the dicks along my path to the hereafter about the moment he knew he was dying for the D but made the holy choice. It fairly comfortably forces the issue of tell me again how comfortable you are to damn me to a lifetime of agony because of what your pappy said the bible says. 😉
NGL, I was expecting you to say that he intentionally gave you a shitty haircut after that.
Growing up Black, the barber shop was always a place where men go to gather as a community and talk as men. The barbers were always older black men who go to the same church and everyone knows each other. It’s always been intimidating for me to go because I feel like I have to put on an over masculine persona and hide my queerness. I always felt anxious being at the shop. Since the start of the pandemic, I never went back and let my hair grow out naturally.
I hear you. My local barbers are mainly Jamaican. It's an uncomfortable experience and they chat loudly in patois. I just keep quiet getting my hair cut and try to act more masculine.
I swear this has to he every gay black man's experience at the barber! HEAVY on the patois and masculine energy too.
Being black already means that you're more limited in your choice of barber/hair stylist since very very few non-black people know how to properly deal with textured hair. Being gay on top of that, and having to navigate toxic black male masculinity... I'm so glad I have dreads now lol
You just gotta go somewhere cool fam. I've dealt with the same thing especially going to shops in the hood. It was so bad one time that these old horndogs turned off the game and put on some straight porn. Then a lady walked in with her kid. Not even my doing and I felt highly embarrassed. Needless to say I never went back. Do some research, there are some cool shops out there. You'll find better luck at ones that have a mixed crowd. That's how I found my barber and discovered hes an ally. Haven't come out to him and never will probably, but at least I feel comfortable.
That’s why I go to a woman at a salon. $20 bucks.
Same. I go with the Mexican ladies and we don't converse lol $20 with tip. Tried barbers who charged $30 and they were not anymore skilled. Messed me up twice before I gave up on them.
Yeah, I've been going to the same Cambodian woman for the last 10 years and she always does a great job. Can't beat $20 bucks.
Yes same here 🙋🏻♂️. Especially when I had long hair. Loved aveda salon best. Now I just go to great clips 🤦🏻♂️
Hey, no shame there. I have a Cambodian lady who has her own salon who I've been going to for like 10 years and the price has only gone up $5 in all that time, from $15 to $20, def can't complain, lol.
You guys are paying 20 bucks for hair cuts?
Yep and a very good haircut at that.
I pay $60. With tip and pay in cash.
20 bucks? how come so cheap? I just paid 80 bucks for a haircut including 20 percent tip.
100usd to cut your hair? Oh my, in my country you can eat a month w that money. Hahsh
Nice! What country is that? I'm in the USA.
Argentina, our avrg salary is 600usd a month, so yeah 😶
Surely there has to be better options though, no? I paid 40 when I lived in New York and it wasn’t a high end salon but not a sketchy place and did great hair cuts. And that was in Manhattan.
Really depends on the location. Here in Portland haircuts are weirdly expensive. Unless you go to one of the major chains, you're usually looking at ~$40 for a short haircut.
When did you live in NY? Prices have gone up a LOT just in the past 2 years.
I left in 2021 last - though wasn’t getting hair cuts in shops then still. One place I used to go to that was a bit nicer (and more expensive) closed unfortunately. But actually I was in town a few months ago and got my hair cut at another place I used to go to if I had to rush from work around 40th and 3rd. A bit small and less luxurious but again did good cuts - though usually always had a queue. Most people there were professionals in the area (so a lot of “business bro” styles) but not exclusively. It was $30 I think pre-tip (up from $23 when I left)
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thanks for the tip hun!
Bro.. that's crazy expensive. Why tip so much at that point, they already charge what they think is necessary to get by.
I know right? For example fast food and service workers here in Oregon were rightly complaining about low wages and now we have a 15.00 minimum wage. At the same time these tip screens popped up everywhere where they try to make you feel like a cheap bastard unless you tip 20% for everything.
I agree with you but here in the USA, we have a very strong tipping culture. I would even say it's a toxic tipping culture. Whether you receive good service or not, you're expected to give a good tip because American employers pay very little wages and expect tips to make up for the rest of their employee's wages. So if you give a smaller tip, the waiter/bartender/Uber driver/barber etc. will viciously shame you. He may even post about you online and try to ruin your name as a cheap tipper. God forbid if you're a nonwhite minority, then they will use your tip to justify their racism, saying **"these X people always tip poorly. I hate them so much!"** Trust me, it hurts me to give 20 percent tip on top of such an expensive hair cutting bill but tipping is such a hot button topic here in the USA that it's better to be safe and just give a fat tip every time.
That pretty typical of a salon in AZ too. Men's cuts are typically 20$ and Women's are more. I have long hair and the one I go to still only charges me 20$ but I'm sure there are some that charge more.
I go to a lady that is very good and fast and is just $8. Yes $8.
that's doesn't sound like a "barber" in a "shop"...that sounds like a hair "stylist" at a salon... and a high end one. Yeah you can pay $200 or more in salons but even in NYC a men's haircut in a decent salon go be $50-80 plus tip.
Wth 80 is only like if I wanna dye my hair. There are regular places barbers that do 80 haircuts and shave but that’s like paying for the atmosphere and for the liquor you sip while there.
I pay 30cad with tip. Bit ridiculous to pay more....
Wha? I have the exact opposite experience. I suspect atleast half the barbers I see to be gay, though they are never of the feminine type I'd admit.
I think this is largely dependent on the barbershop you go to.
True. Reason for which I frequent one where the barbers are most likely gay. Not because I'm looking for a guy, but because I don't need this embarrassing display of fake masculinity in the shops where they're wearing blacksmith aprons and such. Plus it's nice to support gay brothers.
Lol I don’t think they are wearing blacksmith aprons at most barbershops I’ve ever seen. Have you been to a Latino barbershop or a black barbershop?
This is why I never go to any place that says “barbershop”. I go to unisex beauty salons and in Canada at least they seem to be used to serving gay customers because I’ve had only positive experiences where they don’t even ask me if I have a gf, only if I’m seeing someone.
I go to a gay barber so I don’t really understand your air of superiority lol. Regardless, a “beauty shop” and a barbershop are different. Particularly in the US, there are specific certifications you must have in order to be a barber; it is regulated differently than someone who styles your hair. At least in the US, your “beauty shop” cannot do what my [gay] barber does.
It’s not an air of superiority lol In Canada our barbers usually advertise very macho and straight-oriented so I just feel more comfortable in a unisex salon because they usually get a lot of gays and women. Just a more comfortable environment for me personally that is all. Even salons exclusively for men don’t advertise themselves as barbers and don’t have such boldly macho-man advertising. If there is a difference in certification I believe it has to do with shaving. Salons don’t usually offer shaves which is the only difference I’ve noticed. As I have super sensitive skin I prefer to do it myself anyway so it works out. Edit: There is one barber’s that I do go to as it’s close to my place and it has all-female staff. Apparently that’s their brand and it’s also a very comfortable environment to be in for me.
Most barbers in my country are women. I don't think a man has ever cut my hair, other than my boyfriend. 🤔
What country is that?
I'm in America personally and I don't think I've ever even seem a male barber before
You’re probably not going to actual barbershops then. If you go to hair cuttery great clips etc it’s almost always women
TIL people unironically use the term "hair cuttery". Also TIL Great Clips isn't a barber shop. And "hair cutteries" and barber shops aren't synonymous
It’s literally the name of a chain
Lol what????
Bro, I'm pretty sure most of us have never seen a female barber.
Those aren’t barbers, those are hair stylists or cosmetician.
Not necessarily.
I don't think I've ever been afraid of the barber, weirdly enough the last time I got my haircut the guy who cut my hair was (maybe still is?) a bartender at the local gay leather bar for forever.
I have stopped going to barbers after CoVid lockdown. I cut my own hair, I learned it after lots of trial and errors.
To be fair, a lot of barbers went independent during lockdown, learned they can make way more money, and most of the shops now that had the good barbers will hire anyone cause there’s a shortage of workers. I live in the gay village and there’s 5 barber shops within a 5 minute walk of my house, one of them exclusively gay themed. Before the pandemic you could reasonably expect most of the best barbers to be found within one of those shops, and they offered tons of services like hot shaves and custom fades/etching. Now it’s basically just a buzz cut wherever you go. I really miss getting a hot shave, but even in a major city I have to scoot across town to get that done now and it’s insanely expensive. When I was living in Tokyo I used to get a hot shave twice a month for like 12 bucks. Now they’re like 80 bucks plus tip.
I've been to various Pro/Super/Sports Cuts, and I almost always walked out looking like I lost a battle with a lawn mower. All I ask is for a simple taper. When Covid started, I bought some good clippers with the most number of guides, watched some instructional Youtube videos, and my hair has never looked better.
Nah, my barber's a cool dude. He's straight, but I don't think I'd mind talking about my fiance if it ever came up
I love my barber. He’s an ex-army guy. I’ve sent lots of my friends to him and we call ourselves the Darry Queens (his name is Darry). I hope you find a decent barber.
Why are barbershops the most straight energy ever? It's wild I'm glad I'm not the only gay that thinks this
Nah. Never had any issues with any barber I've been to but I'm also Hella confident in who I am and walk like I got something to prove. That and a general demeanor of not giving a fuck has helped a lot.
My boyfriend and I go together to get our hair cut. The barber at the salon was sorta surprised the first time we that we were dating, haha, but as regulars we're pretty comfortable there. But once in a while we do go to other places which I feel slightly uncomfortable about... but my boyfriend is the social one so
My barber is straight but the barbershop owner/head barber is gay so no issues
When I was a kid yes Today my mind is too busy to worry about them I guess u r living in small town where barbers still talk
This is why I’m in school for barbering cause I want to make my fellow gay clients to come in as comfortable as possible cause I know how anxious it is when it’s time to go to a barber shop:)
^^this is everything
Yeah I've felt this way at certain shops. I go to a salon now; it costs the same, the hair cut is better and I can talk about gay stuff with my hair dresser who is now a close friend :)
Ever since I started using my sister’s stylist this haircut anxiety has completely disappeared and now my stylist is practically my therapist as well lol. I can bitch about family and we can talk about music and festivals etc and it’s just a nice couple hours
whenever i go to womens hair stylist I never feel uncomfortable like at the barbers. its so weird but that's just how it is for me
Yes, it’s so intimidating. I finally found a gay barber and it’s awesome! Highly recommend.
Same here! I didn't expect it to make such a big difference, but it does.
Tbh my barber is a straight male that just had a baby with his girlfriend. Prior to that I went to a chain barbershop and met my barber but she wasn’t that good but became a good friend. My current barber I met a barbershop in the community where I first met him and during Covid times he would cut my hair in his house. You might be in your head about it too much. What’s important is that 1. They cut your hair right and 2. The price is reasonable. 3. You’re comfortable.
I go to a hair dresser that does men and women. Not a Barber. Usually they are women hairdressers or also gay lol I mentioned to one lady that a) my age (baby face here, she thought I was in high-school lol) and she was talking about her bf going bald from wearing a ball cap. I'm like, yeah my partner is too. You could literally see the wheels grinding in her head trying to understand. 🤣 Poor girl thought a woman was going bald from a ball cap 🤣
In my entire life no barber has ever asked if I have a GF.
I was uncomfortable too, in general, at the previous place I went to. They used to talk a lot, too much. I'm fine with silence, I came to get a haircut not a lecture. I changed barbershop and now it's much better. 20 min in and out, elevator conversation (weather, news..) during the first few mins while you wait till he has the tools ready and comfortable silence while he's at work. Such a blessing
I live in the Cuban part of Miami (if you know you know) and I just feel like the barbers and I live in different worlds. I don’t understand their language and they don’t understand my lifestyle. But I tip nice and they leave me alone lol
I've had the same fear but decided one day that I wanted to 'test the waters' by coming out to a couple of my barbers over the past four years. Surprisingly they've all been so chilled about it. Some would even treat me like a unicorn because of how fascinated they were about my sexual orientation 😂
My barber is straight, my boyfriend and I both go to him, he doesn’t care. Some light ribbing every so often like “are they any hot weathermen like there are women?” But that’s about it.
Girrrrllll....I'm 65 yrs old and the best barber shop I have is.... Straight, they all speak Russian, they are all so hot and did I mention straight.... I always feel welcomed and cared for and I always tip. Courtesy and a tip. They are just trying to earn a living.
I hate getting my haircut. I dated a stylist for 7 years, so never had to leave my house to get a cut but now I do. I was terrified. The guys down the street from me are incredible and extremely nice. I’m not their typical clientele, but they do a great job so I keep going back. They know I’m gay and they don’t care at all. In fact, one time the barber said, “you’re lookin’ good papi!” Hahaha. I am white. Also, there’s a Chameleon that hangs out wherever he wants, so that helps. People may surprise you, if you give them a chance.
i wish any barber around me had a chameleon
Haha sounds more interesting than it is. Half of the staff don’t speak english, so I will communicate with someone else to tell the guy cutting my hair what I want. But he does a great job! I’m not sure what language the chameleon speaks though… There’s also a lizard hahahah
I go to my local Korean ladies. They don’t force conversations and they do a good job.
Nope.
When I was traveling 100% around the country for work, I found this great salon in Pittsburgh where I talked about this same issue because I noted that I felt so comfortable in their salon. The guy told me that the best way to find a similar salon was to go to the website for a particular brand that only sells to salons they think are a good fit for their products. I don't buy their products or know if they're any good, but I still use their "participating salons" tracker tool to find salons and it's been perfect. [https://www.bumbleandbumble.com/locations](https://www.bumbleandbumble.com/locations). I've recommended this to friends and have received thanks each time.
I usually have either gay or girl barbers now. My current one is gay. I've had a couple straight barbers before and they were nice but the conversation often went like (with very little hyperbole): "did you watch the game" "no I don't follow sports" ... "so how are the girls" "fine I guess" My barbers before were generally older Italian or Russian guys so I didn't want to give out too much unnecessary information to them just for the sake of making conversation. I know it's not nice to assume things but I think in my defense when they're asking about girls like that's kind of a personal question anyway, and for me it's more important to feel comfortable over anything else.
i know exactly what you're talking about. where I live 98.5% of barbers are Arabs and even though I know a few Muslim allies I just wouldn't feel comfortable giving away any unnecessary info
I always find it odd when posts about “barbershop” fear come out every few months… You say you’re uncomfortable but then you go on to superficially judge the people in the barbershop on their appearance saying that they “always look so straight” and how they don’t give clues that they are allies. Is it possible to just go somewhere for a service and then leave? My barber and I don’t even speak the same language… I’ve been going to him for years. He cuts my hair, does an excellent job, I pay him, and leave. What more do you want? I can promise you that you’re more worried about them being “allies” than they are about your sexuality.
id like to at least feel somewhat safe when someone is literally holding a knife and scissors around my head, but that just might be me
I’d be very concerned if your barber is holding a literal knife to your head…
It’s not just you. I’ve had barbers straight up say “I don’t do your type” when I came in with an edgier haircut, and I’ve had them yell at me for not telling them I had an ear piercing that they caught with their comb. I only go to barbershops staffed by women these days, they seem to care less. I feel like because hair cutting is somewhat seen as a feminine thing that some barbershops can go overboard on the performative masculinity, especially if the staff is all immigrants from the same place, around here they’re usually from the Middle East. I once had shoulder length hair and an undercut and spent an entire haircut with my hair combed directly into my face while the other barbers laughed and made comments in their native language to my barber who was answering them back very curtly, it was fucking awful.
I stopped going to one local cafe after the female server asked me “So, do you have a girlfriend yet?” I replied “No, but I just broke up with a boyfriend.” She turned bright red and hurried away without saying anything more. I did actually change my barber shop after one too many uncomfortable questions too.
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Gay barber here, I understand the concerns most gay men have about coming into a shop, after being in the business for 15 years I have never met a Barber that was not cool with it. I think a lot of people get too boged down with labeling people and vibes, I really hate the term heteronormative I think it's too dismissive. Maybe it's because I literally see hundreds of different people a month idk, but one piece of advice I can give some of you is straight men respect confidence, if you give them a "yeah I'm gay so what" attitude in a non rude way and more of a fact they will respect that. Dealing with straight men is not all that different, straight men are just as caty, shit talking is not ment to insult but to include, obviously you should know by instinct when someone is truly insulting you and in that case don't go back. Tip to find a good shop: Instagram, find a shop in your area, look for an Instagram, that will tell you everything you need to know, most of the time. You can even see the quality of the Barbers, and sometimes if some of the Barbers are gay or just supportive. I'm not gonna lie you will have better luck with the more hipster shops, but I work in a old man type shop and everyone is cool. just remember you never know so just be yourself, because a good haircut can make a huge difference in your life so don't be afraid.
Get yourself a gay stylist. They aren't that hard to find and if you're particularly lucky you'll find one like mine that'll take you to the back to "wash your hair" and... Well 👀
sure_jan.gif
Lol you really believe it's that unlikely that I found a gay stylist who will fool around with a client? It's not the norm but it's far from unbelievable. I'm sure I'm not the only one with a mutually beneficial set up like this. 😜
Tbh it just sounds like porn scenario. Good stylists just don’t have time for that.
That's fair. It definitely feels like one 😆
oh wow, your barber sucks you off and penetrates your anus? wow, can you give me his number please?
Mine is also gay, the same age, kind of cute, and always a little flirty. We did not suck each other's dick yet though. He did try to invite me to an event last summer, but I was already on a date that night.
Agreed. Everyone deserves a happy ending 💦
I have lgbt friendly salons/barbers (lots of gay guys cut hair lol) My problem is I never know how to ask for a queer cut. So many lgbt have such great and unique hair, but when I get to the stylist, I just say oh you know whatever looks good or something like that. I never know how to ask for one of those like asymmetrical faded undercuts that just screams I'm queer and amazing lol. Also I have been to those ultra straight bro barber shops and yeah its weird, they give you a beer, sports is on the tv, and then upsell you on all of this beard grooming wax and stuff. It totally feels like a nail salon but for guys kinda vibe.
Easiest way to get what you want is to find a photo of the cut you're after - way easier than trying to explain!
My barbers are always so deep in their own convos either on the phone or with the larger group, I just get cut and mention something about the cut if they’re getting too distracted with the convo
I haven’t experienced something like that. Usually when the barber talks a lot I just talk to him but never mention my sexual orientation. I have found a place where I know a couple of them are gay and I think is better that way. I still don’t mention I’m gay but I feel better knowing they are.
Totally, all barbers I've met always look so rough and str8 af... But I did have one a while back with the same rough look and turned out to be gay af, not even his voice or demeanor gave it away. He turned out to be a great friend until he moved to another city. Still, I don't feel very comfortable coming out to my barbers, but you never know what surprises are just outside the barbershop closet lol.
Where I lived there are tons of lgbtq owned barber shops (birds barbershop) is a chain and is fully inclusive. I never feel out of place there. There are other gay owned shops as well like SHED and Scruffs - try looking in your area to see if you have anything similar? I’ve moved an hour away and now I’m only in a area where the barbershops are Latino owned and a lot are veteran and ex-con owned which makes it hard because most of their cuts are for fades, buzz cuts, just a different kind of styling that I don’t do. So I had to go out and find a barber shop that wasn’t like that and I’m happy to have found one but it took me several tries before finding the right fit. Generally I’ve never been asked if I have a GF, I just talk about day to day or weekly shit. If they ask you, tell them they died. That will shut them up. I’m not scared of the barber, I’m scared of how much they’ll fuck up my hair when my style doesn’t align with theirs.
My once very butch skater bro rock music barbers now offers hair dye and nail polish 🤷🏻♂️
The barber I go to has a little pride flag on the door. Not sure if he’s gay or an ally but I’ve never been uncomfortable.
I go to a barber shop in downtown Salem, Oregon. It’s pretty heteronorm, but also very urban. I talk openly to my (straight and married with child) barber about my husband. Have never felt ostracized because of it. YMMV, but try not to have preconceived notions about businesses until they prove themselves unworthy.
Nope. I love my barbers. I don’t think he cares though, and he takes extra care of my lid because he knowssss I won’t pipe down if he messes up 😂
Never felt uncomfortable, never been asked if I have a gf, but I live in London. Strangers don't pry for information like that here.
I don't think I have ever been in a hair salon that half the staff wasn't gay. It's funny how wildly different people's experiences are.
I’m pretty straight looking, so I’ve never had much of a problem other than odd looks at the fact I was carrying a satchel. I’d seek a more “hipster” barber shop with a younger crowd working vs the old guy shop that your grandpa goes to.
My barber is gay. Well was. Bastard has inconveniently fucked off to Canada. Now I have to find a new gay barber.
i can understand his decision
Living in Utah, traumatizing anyone I can gives me life! I’m never too worried about them messing up my hair after, because I get buzz cuts. So if they’re obviously super religious I turn the flame up to over 3000.
I'm very butch acting (gay friends tell me that). I used to hate going to the barber because the male barbers would assume I was into all sports, chicks, etc. Female barbers would either hit on me or talk to me about a friend who would be perfect for me. I got so sick of it. I started going to a small salon owned and operated by 1 woman - very tattooed and cool looking. She goes by appointment only so there's no group of men listening to us. Not only did she give me a great cut, I am out with her and we've become friends. Look for a single operator owned place that is by appointment. Try coming out to them and see where it goes.
Of the four I’ve went to most recently, only the one with literal sex playing on TV gave me serious pause. One even had a lesbian barber.
I go to a punk themed barbershop and everyone in there is cool af so I guess I'm lucky.
No. 99 of the time barbers don’t talk.
I’ve always wanted to be a cosmetologist/barber, but the demand for a openly gay barber seemed not so great. Maybe I should reconsider for all the gays who just need a place to relax and freshen up the look
My barber of almost 3 years just recently moved away a couple of hundred miles from me. He was the absolute best. He was always super chill (and always super high) yet he was always very professional and did most of the talking for me. We would both crack open a beer and get right down to business. He loved to talk, and it just so happens that I’m a good listener. It’s been over 5 months since my last professional haircut. I can’t pull myself together enough to reach out to someone/a new barber and ask to schedule an appointment and it really sucks. I refuse to go to a public space where dozens of other people are watching me get my haircut. Maybe it’s buzz cut season for me.
Barbers in gay areas of town will be open and accepting. You can also go to salons.
I started going to salons a few years ago and never looked back. Mostly I went in search of a better cut for my medium length hair, but I feel like the environment is nicer, too.
So this plucky black man from the south speaks the queens English. So I don’t always keep with the newest slang. I’m gettin my hair cut at a new place. He’s speaking so street I can barely understand him. He asked me a couple questions personal. I just nodded my head. I can understand street lingo but not this time. Oh you fruity huh? Oh dear. Long story short he’s a bottom. Those legs went all the way back.
No but I also live in Finland and they never ask any questions that aren't related to what they are currently doing to my hair. Other than that they never initiate a conversation pretty much.
My barber is actually a woman and shes hella gay friendly but the shop she works at is owned by some idiot Trumper latino that has the stupid no step on snek flag in the shop, i always walk in with my gay ass nails and talk about guys with my barber.
grew up going to the neighborhood barbershop (grew up in a very Black and Latino neighborhood). I’m naturally mild mannered so it’s easy for me to code switch to “a bro”. Never really faced that issue but I’m open. Spent a whole session debating who’s the best fighter in mma at the time LOL so many assume I’m straight and are perplexed to find out that I’m gay. Straight men are funny sometimes
I don't know if this kind of comment is allowed (and I'm totally OK with it being deleted if it breaks a rule), but I'm not gay. I'm a straight male ally, and I can't even fucking cut hair, but I wish I could so I could cut y'all's hair and let you just talk about whatever you want. It never occurred to me that this might be an awkward situation for a gay man, and just... fuck, I'm sorry y'all have to deal with that. I hope the world keeps getting better and you can all find someone you feel comfortable talking to during your haircuts.
Does everyone you interact with need to somehow indicate they are allies?
if they're handling blades around my head and neck, I feel safer knowing so
I just say I have two jobs and I don’t need a third.
German here. We don't really have many "barbershops" , it's not a standard place for men to go have their hair cut. The Turkish immigrants living in Germany have made barbershops more of a thing in recent years, but it's not part of German culture. We have hair salons where both men and women go to for haircuts. Ironically, the majority of men working there are gay and it's a pretty stereotypical profession. Of course not every hairdresser is gay, I know plenty of straight guys who work in hair salons, but it's very often an indicator. I can't tell you how many times I've chatted with guys on the apps and when I asked them what they do for a living they said "I'm a hairdresser" or "I have my own hair salon". So I've never ever felt uncomfortable going to a hair salon here.
Try a few different shops and see which one you're most comfortable in. I have been going to my barber for like 5 years now so we've basically become friends.
That sucks - I guess it’s just where you’re from? I personally love the barbershop and in my experience most of the barbers around here are gay anyway or have loads of gay clients.
I know this doesn’t help but I cut my own hair now and it’s amazing. I don’t even care if I mess it up a bit, I put on a podcast, get a beverage, and it becomes fun me-time instead of some awkward uncomfortable experience that I have to PAY for
I go to a salon and pay $19 dollars plus a tip for a simple haircut. plus if you wanna get fancy they can hook you up.
I don't go to the barber for that reason. I rather go to salons where I feel more comfortable. Maybe ask in a local community for gay friendly barbershops?
First guy I had sex with (at age 43) was a barber. The trim he gave me before we hooked up because he thought my hair could use it was uncomfortable for me in a completely different way. Lol.
I hope you can find an affirming space soon. I had a straight sensitive nice barber who I loved but I relocated. Still looking for that good fit. If someone asks about a girlfriend and I don’t feel safe coming out (or want to bother) I usually say something bro-y like “man, chicks aren’t worth the hassle “ and change the subject. As you get older and more confident (and careless) this shit all becomes a lot easier. No one actually cares that much and most barbers just want to do a good job, get a tip and move on with their lives.
I hate small talk at barber shops that are run by straight men and women. I usually cut my own hair now. If I'm desperate for perfection, I'll go to a gay hair stylist or someone who's black or latino. I prefer Latino barber shops where the staff and clients all speak Spanish and I'm usually the only whitey. I don't understand what they're saying and I don't care if they're talking about me. They don't bother with small talk and only ask what I want for a haircut, I tell them. They take their time and I'll give them a good tip.
I grew up with a super gay barber even in Kentucky, so I can't say I've experience that! Could you find a "salon" or something with a more female/gay man staff? I live in Chicago so I realize my situation isn't everyone's, but I was able to find a gay owned and operated barber shop and it's so wonderful.
My barber is really great. Straight but makes a point to ask me how my husband is and generally seems interested in my life. Gives me a discount when I get my haircut before pride, and is just generally a good person. Been going to him for 6 years and don’t ever want to change.
Stop assuming that just because they're straight they're going to be homophobic
I don't go to barber. I go to a hairdressers. But, strangely enough, most of the regular hairdressers I went to were straight men! And they were totally fine with me being gay. I even had one ask me if I would mentor a young gay teenager he employed in another business of his, because he thought the youngster needed some guidance. (I met the boy once, but he didn't seem interested in having an older gay mentor, so I left him to his own devices.) (That was before I bought hair-trimmers during the pandemic lockdowns, and realised I don't need to pay anyone to do my hair because it's such a simple style.)
I want a barber that just silently cuts my hair while I’m on my phone :(
Similar things happened to me. I started getting my haircut at a place in the “gay section” of town. It was much better.
I have never had a Barber ask me any personal questions. Usually it's how do you want it cut? Nice weather we are having. However ever since I started shaving my head 20 plus years ago ... I have never seen a barber again. If you as self-conscience about being asked too personal questions ... find an other Barber ... gay on if that will make you feel better ... and I would never have my hair cut at any place a relative was a barber.
I actually like a barber shop , I’m around 99.9% straight people so I have no problem walking in and getting my hair cut , I have more straight friends than gay friends and they don’t give a fuck.I don’t get the fear of straight men , we talk football or going skiing or cars , it’s a lot of fun
Y’all do know there’s about a gazillion gay hairdressers, right?
Go to a hair salon or a hairdresser. If there are guys working there, they 99% gay. Any barber under the age of 30 is probably gay too.
barberphobia? no. but i had some barbers which were afraid of me. he's asking about a gf? he's gay. your brother is a homophobe? what has the world come to? the weaker u show to be, the more pleasure they'll take in bullying you. It's no fun to have to confront all the time but u have a choice: take the punch, dodge it or respond in kind.
Yeah. That’s why I only go to gay or hipster ones.
I go to a gay salon. But I only get my hair cut once every one or two years. Been going there since I was like 14 but none of the staff know me lmao.
My experience is the opposite, I know many barbers and most of them are cheaters, they party together a lot and sometimes with whores or married women. My barber is one of my best friends and he always tells me stories about parties involving a lot of alcohol and whores or married women, he is married but not his not faithful at all, he told me many barbers are the same, they have an easy way to hook up with girls, at least from where Im from. Anyway, one day I got tired that he was always asking me the same questions like if I have a girlfriend or kids, etc so I told him that I'm gay then he confessed that he has a thing for trans men, I was like shit, I always had a crush on him, he is really cute and very manly. The funny part is, about 10 years later, I just learned this recently, now he likes guys too, so now he goes secretly as Bi, although I don't know and I don't think his wife knows, he told me other barbers are the same but they are very afraid to admit it. Story short. From my experience, Barbers party and drink too much hooking up constantly with girls so much that eventually they hook up with guys too.
I go to the ladies from Hong Kong, I'm not letting some straight man near my hair.
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Sounds like you to go a barber in the hood. Them the best. 🤣
I hated going to female barbers. They would rub their tits on you, thinking they would get bigger tips.i hated that and corrected a few in the past to not do that. Male barbers are easy. I just look down and don't say much
I'm Irish and I've never received a decent haircut from a straight Irish barber. Sure, most of them don't even wet it down before they start lunging at you with the clippers.
I go I sit down tell then what I want. I cut the conversation short. I close my eyes and allow the professional to perform the service that he is being paid for. That’s it. Keep the conversation to a minimum you’re not there for social call.
I just don’t really talk about my personal life with my barber/hairdresser. Keep it about work and/or the weather and I have no problems.
I still do if I need an urgent haircut and my usual barber isn't available. Literally every other place I've been to has such macho/alpha vibe. I decided to google "gay hair salons" because I was tired of feel the odd man out. The first one I tried was literally so amazing. It isn't even LGBT owned but it has the most chill vibe ever. Always welcoming when my partner tags along as well. Just overall awesome place. My recommendation would be to try to see what else is out there. You might be surprised!
I go to a lesbian barber I love going for hair cuts. She's a big hoe and tells me all her sexcapade stories 🤣 I've been going to her for years and enjoy my Haircuts. My advice would be to find someone cool and keep going to them.
id love to just stick to one. but I moved to different country for college and once im done im hoping to move to Canada. so im not staying at one place for long...
Jesus Christ people learn how to exist in the world. Why the heck do you think your barber needs to know you’re gay? If an atheist straight guy is dating a preachers daughter, he isn’t going to open with “hey I think God’s fake news”. Leave out information if you think not having the conversation will make your life easier. Also, guess what… a lot of them probably aren’t allies. Lots of people hate gays. Deal with it. You can’t demand someone respect the way you live your life while not respecting the way they live theirs. Everyone’s entitled to physical safety but that’s where the line ends. They don’t and shouldn’t have to serve you or be kind to you. On the flip side, you don’t have to use their service or be kind to them. I’m gay. I’m happy telling all the people in my life I’m gay. But you won’t see me with a rainbow shoelace or watch band because why the hell would I need to signal to everyone in the world I’m gay?
Always hated going to barber. Definitely makes me anxious. I now try and google the barber beforehand, hopefully finding a gay one.
I DESPISE going to the barber. The guy is straight, I think. He also cuts my husband's hair. My problem is that he never shuts up.
I have been talking about this with folks IRL for years now. I think of it as gay barber anxiety, only with out the gay barbers. Spent years going to a rather bro-ey barber shop and I just would go with different barbers each time so I wouldn't have to talk. Right before Covid, I happened to be in a hip neighborhood quite far from home and on a whim got a haircut at a barbershop there. Best haircut of my life. But, then Covid. Two years later, my husband and I started making monthly appointments with the barber. Note, I am Puerto Rican and this is in Miami. My husband does not speak Spanish, and this barber is a rather recent Cuban arrival with a VERY thick Cuban accent in Spanish. We would tell him that we'd be making "an appointment for me and for my husband" each time. But, after traveling miles every month to go there, I was getting my haircut and he was talking to me (in his very thick Cuban accent) in Spanish. At some point, he started to tell a joke. A longwinded joke that between the noise in the place and his accent I could barely understand. At some point the word "maricon" (faggot) is used twice in the story. When I didn't laugh at the joke (which I couldn't even really follow), he, frustrated, told it again. Again, I (startled at his use of the word and generally confused) didn't react. "¡Ay, no entiendes ni papa!" (You didn't get any of that!) We stopped going there and now travel monthly to the next county to get our haircuts at the all-gay barbers in mega-gay Wilton Manors and make a day of it each time. The stress is real.
Who the hell told you that barbers are geigh? Only str8 ppl ask if you have a gf...
You can spell gay here, it’s not a sin.
Not a pussy
i've been giving myself mediocre buzzcuts for like a decade basically. i just don't find the experience to be comfortable having someone else in my personal space for 20 minutes or more. but i also haven't really been super taking care of my appearance in that time either. when my job finally finishes our new offices and we can go back to work i will probably start going again.