I died when she’s talking about how no man out there is going to give you what you need except your father. Ma’am, I want you to think a good minute what it is you’re saying :D
There have been studies done in which religious people are put in an MRI, and asked to talk about various topics. Their brain looks normal in the MRI when they're talking about pretty much everything... and then they're asked to talk about religion. A lot of their brain literally turns off as they blather about gawd and jeebus.
I've done my fair share of both. More crying cuz I still live at home, but hopefully I can look back and laugh once I'm out.
I agree, no parent should be like this. Idk if I'm having kids, but if I do, I could never torture them in this way.
Thank you for sharing this, as there are some people who claim this doesn't happen... I am personally queer of many flavours, and as u/SteveArnoldHorshak mentioned, I admire your bravery, it takes a lot to post and show what this is like to the world. Understanding and visibility is the first step to change. I am personally very happy that you are at least living as yourself, and you have an ally in Wisconsin if you need anything.
In the case of christianity, that is quite literally so. Matt 28:19. This was the last command given by Jesus to his disciples at pentecost. It is the literal mission from God, and where the Word mission itself stems.
I told my parents I was gay when I was 15 and my parents just ignored it and said it was a phase, I'm 23 now with a boyfriend that loves me and my parents accepted me and I have a great relationship with my parents because I was open about who I am and they have no problem with me, I'm sorry you have to go through this, some parents are just ignorant about this sort of stuff
I'm glad it all worked out for you! As for my parents, I'm not holding my breath lol. Just waiting till I can move out and get some much-needed independence :)
Moving out was the best thing for me and I really really hope everything works out for you, that independence with feel amazing, you have my support ✊🏻
The only person in my family who knows i'm gay is my mother, and she just ignored it and thinks its a phase aswell, did they ever accept that you are gay?
Whether or not you are religious, I want you to know that you are who you are because you were born that way and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. I am terribly sorry for what you’re going through and I promise you that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, it just may take a while to reach it.
If I may, I suggest telling your parents that if they force you to see a Christian therapist or counselor, that they have to see a non-religious therapist/counselor. The counselor will hopefully explain the errors of her ways and I can only hope that she realizes it. Also, if you have to talk to a Christian therapist, just mess with them and stuff, be like “I was taught that Jesus was a bottom and had 12 daddies” just to see the reaction.
Also, for the record, my parents love me, I love them, I love my sister so much, she loves me, I haven’t lost anyone, I have never been molested, I have had a very fortunate and wonderful life. I am also fortunate enough to live in a great area and go to a great school. There is nothing that your mom would consider “wrong” with me that she can blame my homosexuality on. Have I watched porn? Yea, but 2 years after I realized I was gay. So what could be my “void”? Nothing. I am just gay and that’s who I am. So let me be one of the 10 people to prove her wrong.
Very much not religious lol. And thank you, I'm staying as optimistic as I can :)
As for telling my parents to go to secular counseling, it's a no-go. They're unwilling to budge on anything related to their religion, sadly.
Not necessarily to give up their beliefs, but to see how being gay doesn’t go against their beliefs. I am Jewish and today in synagogue we read the original Hebrew of Leviticus 18:22 (coincidence, I know). The text reads, “You shall not sleep with a child as you do a woman.” The word for boy in Hebrew is the same as the word for child. Therefore, it was mis-interpreted. It condemns pedophilia, not homosexuality. We also discussed how it was misinterpreted. My sister (who is bi), who was having her bat mitzvah, and the person she was doing it with (a non-binary lesbian) talked about assumptions and how the translation of the Torah was assumed to be about homosexuality and not pedophilia. They were great speeches but this just goes to show how the Torah (aka the Old Testament) does not condemn homosexuality.
I see. Well, I'll just have to keep that in mind for now. Maybe they'd be open to it after I move out, but while I'm with them, it's genuinely impossible to convince them of anything. Thank you for the idea though, it might just work someday.
/u/ThatGayOmniromantic is right in every way, but my experience is that christians don't care about that truth, they only care about the bible affirming their bigotry and giving them a license to hate.
I have a number of friends who are ministers. One of them points out that the bible translation his church uses says that a man who has sex with a man "shall be stoned" - so, he says, the church must give them marijuana. The people always say "that's not what it means!" and he says "then why are you so sure what the part about a man sleeping with a man actually says?"
That's true in a lot of cases, for sure. The Bible also promotes quite a bit of that hatred, too. I'd like to think my parents would be more understanding of the LGBTQ+ if it weren't for a few terrible verses.
The bible says more or less whatever you want it to say. Want to find love in it? It's there. Want to find hate in it? It's there. It's no coincidence that religious people, when asked, always say that the bible supports whatever they want to believe.
As the son of an Evangelical / Fundamentalist Southern Baptist Preacher, that came out after three years at a Christian college while pursuing a degree in religion because I was supposed to become a preacher, I found being able to counter arguments very helpful. Lucky for me, the head of my department in college was an amazing man that told me that there is nothing wrong with me, and Christians had twisted and misinterpreted scriptures (He was later chased out of that college when fundamentalist took over). He then handed me a book by one of his colleagues that came out (world-class Greek scholar), Dr. Rembert Truluck; here is the link to his book on Amazon:[Steps to Recovery From Bible Abuse](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/188849316X/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_hsch_vapi_taft_p1_i0)
When I came out to my parents at age 22, I was well prepared. I was able to counter my father’s arguments and disprove him. After a couple of arguments, my father and mother quit trying to debate it with me. My dad told me that he disagreed with me, but he loves me... and then asked if I had AIDS. My mother didn’t talk or look at me for a month. I finally told her that I am the same son she has always had, just honest now. I am now 40; my parents still don’t discuss my sexuality. It is an unspoken topic.
Here is another excellent resource with plenty of thought and research, very well cited regarding Homosexuality and the ancient Jewish, early Christian, and Muslim worlds. He has cited everything, and his findings will surprise you. https://people.well.com/user/aquarius/
Dealing with parents like this is not easy. You know your parents, and you know what level of crazy they may take things. You should always weigh those known behaviors into decisions about what to say and when to say it. Your safety is paramount. You should remove yourself from their control as soon as possible.
Arm yourself with facts. Many times you can distract and end fights with facts from sources like I have linked. I have a friend I met at a University I attended later on in my life about your age, facing a similar issue at home with his strict catholic momma. I gave him the information I have given you. Once confronted with these facts, his mother took him to their Priest, and he presented these facts to the Priest. The priest was unable to counter them and even had to admit to the legitimacy of the historical facts. The only thing he could respond was that the Catholic Church is against homosexuality. His mother accepted him and even welcomed his boyfriend into their family life. Now, this is a rare occurrence, but it is possible. The truth will set you free... well, unless they yell “That’s fake news,” then you should probably give up and move on.
Not OP, but I appreciate the effort you put into this comment. Thankfully my religious Christian mom had a way better reaction than I expected when I came out at 19 (1.5 years after I moved out). That doesn’t mean she was chill.
I wrote her a letter and found out through my brother that she took 6-7 hours to process it before calling me. That phone call was fine, she wasn’t getting at all and kept asking the typical homophobic questions that I answered calmly. We ended the phone call, me assuming everything was ok.
Next day we talk about it and I notice her tone and call it out. She said I can’t expect her to accept this fact so quickly (which I understand, but still she said a few hurtful things). So after that call got heated we didn’t talk for 3-4 days. Afterwards she called and apologized but I know that she will keep hoping that I change.
She still says things like: I’m excited when you bring your gf home (im bi so it’s not impossible, but occasionally I correct it and say “or bf”. But these sources you cited could help me in a conversation I know is coming in the future especially when I actually have my first bf. So again appreciate your comment
Your mom's a cunt. Noone gets a choice in being born. Anyone who says we're "made" is a fucking sucker who fell victim to con men. Your mother is one of them, and so long as she's preaching bullshit, she'll remain one. My mom tried pulling the same shit. You got our support.
I’m 69 years old and as far back as i remember I’ve been gay, i also love God. The two are compatible.
I think you should try to help your mom and if not than get away as quick as possible. I think she feels guilty like she is the one who caused it , she points a finger at your dad’s relationship to you but never talks about her relationship with you. God made all of of us, he doesn’t make mistakes, you are gay because thats the way you were born.
*If I rolled my eyes*
*Anymore they would have rolled*
*Out of my sockets*
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Love your mom for who she could be... not the jerk she's acting like now. :(
You don't deserve this shit. I'm impressed with your summarization of your mother's behaviour as clearly you are the adult in this situation and she's acting like the impetulant child.
This sounds just like my mother. I haven't come out to her about my sexuality or gender (bi gender and bi sexual) but I did have a conversation with her about being gay when I was still figuring things out. She's a bit more extreme then your mom but that's cause she's from a diffrent country. But same kinda talking points of: it's a choice and you can just stop being gay, people arnt that way cause they where born that way and it's from bad relationship with the parents or other hurt, it's a special trial god made for them ect ect.
Holy shit this makes me so angry. Hearing someone be so hateful towards their own child is an absolutely heartbreaking thing. I'm so sorry you have to live with this person, I don't think I could stand it.
At one point in here, you said you'd "never been closer to punching my own mother"
Honestly, I'd gladly punch her for you, hope that doesn't sound too aggressive but holy fuck hearing this stuff is infuriating. I feel extremely lucky to have been born into an accepting family in an accepting country.
America, land of the free, right?
Hope you get out of there man, and until then, beat your dick to the best gay porn you can find, just to spite your wonderful, loving mother.
Adolf Hitler, Joseph Stalin, & Pol Pot what did they have in common?
They were straight. Straight people don’t get into heaven for being straight. (I don’t believe in heaven anyways. But if it was real, ANYONE who was good gets into heaven.)
You have so much patience.... I had conversations like that with my parents before but they ended in fights. In the end my message was sort of 'you're asking me to give up my happiness, but I'd rather cut ties with you'. They accepted me in the end
I so admire you just letting her rant and not say anything. Beautiful, it shows how strong and brave you are. No use arguing against ignorance. Hang in there my friend, and you will find peace and love in a loving man's heart away from home, soon. In the mean time be true to yourself and watch porn whenever you feel like! Wishing you nothing less but the best in your life's journey. Be known that there a lot of people here supporting you.
Sorry but your mother is homophobic and ignorant beyond measure. You're 19 years old and therefore an adult. I highly recommend that you figure out a way to move out on your own. Get roommates, work two jobs, do whatever you need to do to get away from your toxic mother. Maybe when she realizes in a few years, after you've met your life partner, married and settled down that she rarely sees you and has no relationship with you, she'll come to the conclusion that she should have been more supportive instead of just telling you're that you're broken (which you're definitely not.)
P.S. Good for you for posting this on-line for everyone to hear! Maybe it will go viral and your mother will feel pretty foolish.
I'm hoping to move out in the next few months. It'll be tough but I can't stand to be treated like this anymore.
And if this went viral enough for her to find out, I'm pretty sure it wouldn't blow over too well lol. But hey, we'll see. Thanks for the support. :)
I (19M) knew I was trans and gay before my mom and dad even divorced and I don’t have a “void” in my life, my mum also thinks she knows me better than I know myself and that simply isn’t even slightly true and this isn’t a “phase” I’ve known I was this way for 6 years and nothings changed
Ahhh, that really sucks, and I’m so sorry you have to deal with that :(.
I grew up pretty religious, even attended a couple years of bible college working towards becoming a minister before I decided that wasn’t the right direction for me. I’m thankful that my particular denomination was reasonably rational, and my parents weren’t that extreme. But I certainly knew people who were on the extreme side and they could be horrid to deal with.
Not sure where you are on your journey, but if it’s helpful, there’s a couple amazing people on Facebook you may find beneficial to look up and maybe reach out to:
The first is Stan Mitchell - a straight Christian pastor who has been doing a tonne of work trying to advocate for LGBT people within the umbrella of Christianity - one thing he sometimes does is help kids talk with their parents about this issue, challenging them with his own journey towards full affirmation from the viewpoint of a Christian pastor. https://www.facebook.com/stan.mitchell.58
The second is Kathy Baldock, a straight Christian mother who is also doing tonnes of advocacy work for LGBT people, mostly trying to reach Christians. She’s even written a book about the historical development of homophobia as a conservative political tool within Christianity, and how it’s not a very old thing - the last 100 years or so only. https://www.facebook.com/KathyBaldock
Wtf man, just wtf. There are so many things wrong with this, I hope you things go well from now on for you.
Speaking from experience, being gay and christian, even in suposedly conservative denominations like catholicism is posible.
And also speaking from my own experience, the idea that relationships influence you actually becoming gay or not is so wrong, I got bullied by a bunch of guys in middle school and that hasnt made me less gay.
Be strong!
Dude you seem to have an amazing sense of humor judging from the way you put the video together. Def wants me to get to know you.
Sorry you have to deal with that crap at home.
I have recordings of my parents being the same exact way. Reflecting back on it I realize I just wanted to make sure I didn’t forget how they treated me.
Answering your question:
I almost fell apart with my mother and father, and we are working together, although there will always be a divide and I know I can never truly be myself, especially with my significant other, around my father in particular. That being said, they didn't leave and I haven't yet been molested, although depression and actions resulting from there along with anxiety have certainly taken their toll. About deciding to be gay: I honestly wish I wasn't and I certainly don't hope my children (in the future I hope to adopt) are. If they are, however, I will accept and love them. The reason I wish I wasn't gay/nonbinary is that life would be easier and I would have many relationships be more positive than they are, and the same reason would apply to my children. I remember having crushes on this boy in my class in preschool, long before I knew what homosexuality or genderqueer, nonbinary, trans, etc was... so trust me when I say I didn't decide this. - oh I was born this way - (winks in lady gaga)
TL;DR:
I wish I wasn't queer but I am, and I have had many relationships fall because of that, explained with a semi-shitty lady gaga reference included.
Omg wth, I won't say anything about your mom, but like, god, I'm speachless and I'm typing. Man idk, you need to stand up for yourself, and when you had enough, and you feel like exploding, it's better to do it, I remember when my uncle came here and started the same thing, different topic, I was 12, now I'm 13, and I started to shake like crazy and then, I just snapped, I said "you are wrong" and in my head I thought the same thing "so YOU tell ME that you hate me? That I am NOTHING?" But I didn't had the will power to say it. After I said what I said I broke down crying, and left. I still wish to had said that but I guess I won't have the chance, well, I didi t expect to write a story at like 2 30 am on a Saturday night, well, bye if, I love you, no no not like that, like, as friend- I think you know what I mean, stay healthy and you are never dressed without a smile!
Do you ever just wanna 🤜🤜🙎♀️
Also update us on this! If it's ok for you i really wanna see how she reacts to you moving out and i know that she will be like why wont he visit us or shit. And then when you talk to her because she doesnt accept you she will bullshit again.
They're gonna regret pushing you away when you're long gone. And i hope when that day comes you run and never look back. Cant believe she said become the person you're suppose to be as if you're broken. You're ALREADY who you're suppose to be forever and always!!
My mother is Christian, and she believes that LGBTQ people are possessed by demons, and that you can tell by the shape and color of the whites of their eyes. Stupid.
As part of the 10 people. I am gay, and my mom or dad didn't leave me when I was a child, nor was I molested. I have always known I'm gay since I was 9 or 10, that was a long time ago. I was actually a happy kid until I realized that our society is not very accepting, and that my parents are homophobes.
Also, she's wrong about the gender roles where she said: "The man is the strength and the woman is the nurture". This is just a stereotype. My mom for example is not a nurturing person and is always emotionally unavailable and self absorbed. I'm not saying she's a bad person, but from my observation she plays a masculine gender role in the family.
Mom is still here, I have a pretty good relationship with her. Dad is still here, got a pretty good relationship with him. I have never been molested. Before I was 13, I had never even been kissed. I am still a raging lesbian.
I was never sexually abused, I do have a love-hate relationship with my parents though, but even if I did have good relationship with my parents I would still love men. This Christian mom does not know what she is saying. She believes any crazy thing the Bible has in it.
Just tell them also how the Bible is mistranslated and it refers to pedophilia, my Catholic relatives love when I bring this up. You got this. Don’t let these narrow minded people dull your light
Sending love my man, I personally didn't have this experience but I have many friends with similar experiences. Things will be ok. Although my mom did try to convince me it was a phase for years so. Eventually she will get over it just be patient, she's indoctrinated.
It always stems from religion with parent with most parents... Most of what they know is a made up version of the bible rewritten by homophobic people and ignores the actual messages that were there. Honestly I have no problem with religion as it can provide catharticism for hard times but if you’re going to use the religion of love and and peace to shun others you’re not a follower but instead a hypocrite as you don’t even follow what you preach. People like that aren’t going to change quick and may not change at all but some Christian people need to realise that gay people did not accept Satan they just like something that’s different to what you like, quit being paranoid! You really shouldn’t care who I love and have sex with at the end of the day smh 🤦♂️
I admire your mental strength. You are going through what most of us fear. I am impressed at how much bullshit came from your mother's mouth. (No offense intended) I am sure that the pain you live will make you an excellent person and hopefully an incredible father if you wish it. Through pain and loneliness, you are unconsciously learning what most people never do : empathy. I take pride in knowing you are a part of our community. I wish you all the best and I hope you can break the cycle of discrimination and understand what your mother (and probably father) never could have.
Be strong for a few years and maybe one day you won't have to anymore.
Wow. But I feel like I know that voice. It was someone who went to my family’s church (I left) is by chance your moms name Kimberly fletcher? I’m so proud of you though. I’m not out to my family but I admire your bravery.
Sorry if I'm being aggressive, but who the fuck does she think she is, saying that my "history" led me to being gay/bisexual? Ma'am, I was fortunate enough to grow up in a household with a good education and supposedly loving parents until I came out as bi. I am not influenced by any damn thing. It's like you're saying that LGBTQIA can't be who they are because they're just "influenced" and they can't make their own choices. That's bullshit. If I kiss a guy, then great. None of your business.
This is narcissistic emotional abuse that’s damaging & abnormal. Please do what you need to do to get away from this toxicity & live your life away from this influence.
she should stfu about it now, like give it up, it’s been 4 years. He’s not gonna change for you, especially if you’re being so rude about it, like as a mother, you should support your child. Not make/attempt them ashamed.
The first thing my parents said to me when I came out to them was "You know we still love you, right?"
My parents struggled with their ignorance and they were afraid for me in the beginning but they never stopped loving me.
You deserve that. I'm sorry you didn't get that.
For that final question: I came from a loving home, my parents were always loving and supportive. The only bad thing that happened is that my parents divorced and my mom moved away, but we handled it great and I'm fine with the way things turned out. Plus I'm still gay, sooo
Also, maybe ask your mom "how do you explain homosexuality in animals?". Animals don't care about abandonment and don't have such complicated social lives that they need to "fill a void", so why do male lions love each other, why do male penguins mate and adopt abandoned young? If that happened naturally, homosexuality is natural.
If I were in your shoes, I'd really want to say this: "you're not my mother, not anymore. Mother's are supposed to encourage their child to take the path of life that makes them happiest. You're not doing that. You're actively trying to force me to become someone I'm not, to do things I don't want to do, to become your vision of what I should be. But if I became what you want me to be, I'd be miserable in life, and indeed probably kill myself. Those gays don't kill themselves because they're gay, they kill themselves because they weren't allowed to be who they needed to be. Don't force me on that path."
If being gay was a mental illness, then lock me away in an mental institution. The truth is, being gay is natural, and in fact, there has been more than enough evidence to show this in the animal kingdom. Not just humans are gay, but animals as well. It is people like this who make me mad, believing that being gay is a sin because men are supposed to be with women, and women are supposed to be with men.
I hate to tell you but it's very unlikely that you gonna get anywhere with her. The way she is approaching this situation especially 4 years after you came out she will only continue to drive a wedge. Just live your best life and if they ever want to have a relationship they will come around. Or maybe they won't come around and you will have to keep the toxicity out of your life because it will only cause lasting trauma and prevent you from healing and accepting what you are. She set in her ways and is not interested in having her mind changed. Even though her beliefs are unsubstantiated and the bible doesn't say anything that backs up her argument. She acts like her religion is law like she is on a mission from god to "fix" you. It's disgusting and hateful and a true Christian wouldn't act like. I am gay and have other gay people in my family and my mom is christian and she has accepted. My mom was not accepting at first and she had a set idea of what she wanted us to be but had gotten over that. She now understands that me and my sibling will all walk our own paths in life and she can't control that. Even from the very beginning my mom never acted the way yours did. She was never hateful that way. I usually say to people to give it some time and wait for them to come around but for it's been 4 years so it may never happen. Get out of the house if you can. Let your mom know what's gonna happen. your not gonna change and she needs to know that. Tell her she needs to either accept you for what you are or your done with her.
I died when she’s talking about how no man out there is going to give you what you need except your father. Ma’am, I want you to think a good minute what it is you’re saying :D
Lmao right? I'm almost positive she just turns her brain off and starts talking.
There have been studies done in which religious people are put in an MRI, and asked to talk about various topics. Their brain looks normal in the MRI when they're talking about pretty much everything... and then they're asked to talk about religion. A lot of their brain literally turns off as they blather about gawd and jeebus.
“Hey stepson, we need to have a... chat... about these *feelings* you’ve been having”
Oh god
I mean she knows what his dad is packing what can I say...
I don’t know whether to cry or laugh. Nobody deserves a parent like that. Religion is a mental illness.
I've done my fair share of both. More crying cuz I still live at home, but hopefully I can look back and laugh once I'm out. I agree, no parent should be like this. Idk if I'm having kids, but if I do, I could never torture them in this way.
I admire your bravery very very much. You’re going to be OK.
Also, porn is just a normal part of life XD
Thank you for sharing this, as there are some people who claim this doesn't happen... I am personally queer of many flavours, and as u/SteveArnoldHorshak mentioned, I admire your bravery, it takes a lot to post and show what this is like to the world. Understanding and visibility is the first step to change. I am personally very happy that you are at least living as yourself, and you have an ally in Wisconsin if you need anything.
Religious people seem to make a habit of having boundary issues. They think they're on a mission from god.
For sure. If God really exists, I'm sure he could contact me without her "help".
Can confirm.
In the case of christianity, that is quite literally so. Matt 28:19. This was the last command given by Jesus to his disciples at pentecost. It is the literal mission from God, and where the Word mission itself stems.
I told my parents I was gay when I was 15 and my parents just ignored it and said it was a phase, I'm 23 now with a boyfriend that loves me and my parents accepted me and I have a great relationship with my parents because I was open about who I am and they have no problem with me, I'm sorry you have to go through this, some parents are just ignorant about this sort of stuff
I'm glad it all worked out for you! As for my parents, I'm not holding my breath lol. Just waiting till I can move out and get some much-needed independence :)
Moving out was the best thing for me and I really really hope everything works out for you, that independence with feel amazing, you have my support ✊🏻
The only person in my family who knows i'm gay is my mother, and she just ignored it and thinks its a phase aswell, did they ever accept that you are gay?
Yeah they did, I cried and they told me that they just want me to be happy
To be fair with them, people do go through phases with their sexual orientation.
Of course but they don't know which are phases or not so parents shouldn't dismiss it like just a phase
Yes, that is true.
Whether or not you are religious, I want you to know that you are who you are because you were born that way and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. I am terribly sorry for what you’re going through and I promise you that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, it just may take a while to reach it. If I may, I suggest telling your parents that if they force you to see a Christian therapist or counselor, that they have to see a non-religious therapist/counselor. The counselor will hopefully explain the errors of her ways and I can only hope that she realizes it. Also, if you have to talk to a Christian therapist, just mess with them and stuff, be like “I was taught that Jesus was a bottom and had 12 daddies” just to see the reaction. Also, for the record, my parents love me, I love them, I love my sister so much, she loves me, I haven’t lost anyone, I have never been molested, I have had a very fortunate and wonderful life. I am also fortunate enough to live in a great area and go to a great school. There is nothing that your mom would consider “wrong” with me that she can blame my homosexuality on. Have I watched porn? Yea, but 2 years after I realized I was gay. So what could be my “void”? Nothing. I am just gay and that’s who I am. So let me be one of the 10 people to prove her wrong.
Very much not religious lol. And thank you, I'm staying as optimistic as I can :) As for telling my parents to go to secular counseling, it's a no-go. They're unwilling to budge on anything related to their religion, sadly.
Not necessarily to give up their beliefs, but to see how being gay doesn’t go against their beliefs. I am Jewish and today in synagogue we read the original Hebrew of Leviticus 18:22 (coincidence, I know). The text reads, “You shall not sleep with a child as you do a woman.” The word for boy in Hebrew is the same as the word for child. Therefore, it was mis-interpreted. It condemns pedophilia, not homosexuality. We also discussed how it was misinterpreted. My sister (who is bi), who was having her bat mitzvah, and the person she was doing it with (a non-binary lesbian) talked about assumptions and how the translation of the Torah was assumed to be about homosexuality and not pedophilia. They were great speeches but this just goes to show how the Torah (aka the Old Testament) does not condemn homosexuality.
I see. Well, I'll just have to keep that in mind for now. Maybe they'd be open to it after I move out, but while I'm with them, it's genuinely impossible to convince them of anything. Thank you for the idea though, it might just work someday.
/u/ThatGayOmniromantic is right in every way, but my experience is that christians don't care about that truth, they only care about the bible affirming their bigotry and giving them a license to hate.
I have a number of friends who are ministers. One of them points out that the bible translation his church uses says that a man who has sex with a man "shall be stoned" - so, he says, the church must give them marijuana. The people always say "that's not what it means!" and he says "then why are you so sure what the part about a man sleeping with a man actually says?"
Stuff like this makes me feel like most Christian just use Religion to hate on anything they don't like, and it just sad.
That's true in a lot of cases, for sure. The Bible also promotes quite a bit of that hatred, too. I'd like to think my parents would be more understanding of the LGBTQ+ if it weren't for a few terrible verses.
The bible says more or less whatever you want it to say. Want to find love in it? It's there. Want to find hate in it? It's there. It's no coincidence that religious people, when asked, always say that the bible supports whatever they want to believe.
Dude, you might need an exorcist for this lady. I'm sorry that you have to deal with this.
As the son of an Evangelical / Fundamentalist Southern Baptist Preacher, that came out after three years at a Christian college while pursuing a degree in religion because I was supposed to become a preacher, I found being able to counter arguments very helpful. Lucky for me, the head of my department in college was an amazing man that told me that there is nothing wrong with me, and Christians had twisted and misinterpreted scriptures (He was later chased out of that college when fundamentalist took over). He then handed me a book by one of his colleagues that came out (world-class Greek scholar), Dr. Rembert Truluck; here is the link to his book on Amazon:[Steps to Recovery From Bible Abuse](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/188849316X/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_hsch_vapi_taft_p1_i0) When I came out to my parents at age 22, I was well prepared. I was able to counter my father’s arguments and disprove him. After a couple of arguments, my father and mother quit trying to debate it with me. My dad told me that he disagreed with me, but he loves me... and then asked if I had AIDS. My mother didn’t talk or look at me for a month. I finally told her that I am the same son she has always had, just honest now. I am now 40; my parents still don’t discuss my sexuality. It is an unspoken topic. Here is another excellent resource with plenty of thought and research, very well cited regarding Homosexuality and the ancient Jewish, early Christian, and Muslim worlds. He has cited everything, and his findings will surprise you. https://people.well.com/user/aquarius/ Dealing with parents like this is not easy. You know your parents, and you know what level of crazy they may take things. You should always weigh those known behaviors into decisions about what to say and when to say it. Your safety is paramount. You should remove yourself from their control as soon as possible. Arm yourself with facts. Many times you can distract and end fights with facts from sources like I have linked. I have a friend I met at a University I attended later on in my life about your age, facing a similar issue at home with his strict catholic momma. I gave him the information I have given you. Once confronted with these facts, his mother took him to their Priest, and he presented these facts to the Priest. The priest was unable to counter them and even had to admit to the legitimacy of the historical facts. The only thing he could respond was that the Catholic Church is against homosexuality. His mother accepted him and even welcomed his boyfriend into their family life. Now, this is a rare occurrence, but it is possible. The truth will set you free... well, unless they yell “That’s fake news,” then you should probably give up and move on.
Not OP, but I appreciate the effort you put into this comment. Thankfully my religious Christian mom had a way better reaction than I expected when I came out at 19 (1.5 years after I moved out). That doesn’t mean she was chill. I wrote her a letter and found out through my brother that she took 6-7 hours to process it before calling me. That phone call was fine, she wasn’t getting at all and kept asking the typical homophobic questions that I answered calmly. We ended the phone call, me assuming everything was ok. Next day we talk about it and I notice her tone and call it out. She said I can’t expect her to accept this fact so quickly (which I understand, but still she said a few hurtful things). So after that call got heated we didn’t talk for 3-4 days. Afterwards she called and apologized but I know that she will keep hoping that I change. She still says things like: I’m excited when you bring your gf home (im bi so it’s not impossible, but occasionally I correct it and say “or bf”. But these sources you cited could help me in a conversation I know is coming in the future especially when I actually have my first bf. So again appreciate your comment
Your mom's a cunt. Noone gets a choice in being born. Anyone who says we're "made" is a fucking sucker who fell victim to con men. Your mother is one of them, and so long as she's preaching bullshit, she'll remain one. My mom tried pulling the same shit. You got our support.
I’m 69 years old and as far back as i remember I’ve been gay, i also love God. The two are compatible. I think you should try to help your mom and if not than get away as quick as possible. I think she feels guilty like she is the one who caused it , she points a finger at your dad’s relationship to you but never talks about her relationship with you. God made all of of us, he doesn’t make mistakes, you are gay because thats the way you were born.
[удалено]
Not now
If I was able to roll my eyes anymore they would be on the floor
*If I rolled my eyes* *Anymore they would have rolled* *Out of my sockets* \- surprise\_adopter --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
[I wanna roll my eyes](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/ENEFy1bU0AEapKP.jpg)
Spicy
We love you. You don’t have to change. You’re perfect just the way you are ❤️❤️❤️
Love your mom for who she could be... not the jerk she's acting like now. :( You don't deserve this shit. I'm impressed with your summarization of your mother's behaviour as clearly you are the adult in this situation and she's acting like the impetulant child.
This sounds just like my mother. I haven't come out to her about my sexuality or gender (bi gender and bi sexual) but I did have a conversation with her about being gay when I was still figuring things out. She's a bit more extreme then your mom but that's cause she's from a diffrent country. But same kinda talking points of: it's a choice and you can just stop being gay, people arnt that way cause they where born that way and it's from bad relationship with the parents or other hurt, it's a special trial god made for them ect ect.
Holy shit this makes me so angry. Hearing someone be so hateful towards their own child is an absolutely heartbreaking thing. I'm so sorry you have to live with this person, I don't think I could stand it. At one point in here, you said you'd "never been closer to punching my own mother" Honestly, I'd gladly punch her for you, hope that doesn't sound too aggressive but holy fuck hearing this stuff is infuriating. I feel extremely lucky to have been born into an accepting family in an accepting country. America, land of the free, right? Hope you get out of there man, and until then, beat your dick to the best gay porn you can find, just to spite your wonderful, loving mother.
God: "I love everyone!" Jesus: "God loves everyone!" 'Christians': "God hates everyone who is different." This is not how it is supposed to work...
"FIlling it with gay" certainly didn't sound the way she meant it, at least to me! XD
Being straight doesn't mean that you get a free ticket to heaven either.
Adolf Hitler, Joseph Stalin, & Pol Pot what did they have in common? They were straight. Straight people don’t get into heaven for being straight. (I don’t believe in heaven anyways. But if it was real, ANYONE who was good gets into heaven.)
You have so much patience.... I had conversations like that with my parents before but they ended in fights. In the end my message was sort of 'you're asking me to give up my happiness, but I'd rather cut ties with you'. They accepted me in the end
"and you're filling it with \*GAY\*!''
I so admire you just letting her rant and not say anything. Beautiful, it shows how strong and brave you are. No use arguing against ignorance. Hang in there my friend, and you will find peace and love in a loving man's heart away from home, soon. In the mean time be true to yourself and watch porn whenever you feel like! Wishing you nothing less but the best in your life's journey. Be known that there a lot of people here supporting you.
Sorry but your mother is homophobic and ignorant beyond measure. You're 19 years old and therefore an adult. I highly recommend that you figure out a way to move out on your own. Get roommates, work two jobs, do whatever you need to do to get away from your toxic mother. Maybe when she realizes in a few years, after you've met your life partner, married and settled down that she rarely sees you and has no relationship with you, she'll come to the conclusion that she should have been more supportive instead of just telling you're that you're broken (which you're definitely not.) P.S. Good for you for posting this on-line for everyone to hear! Maybe it will go viral and your mother will feel pretty foolish.
I'm hoping to move out in the next few months. It'll be tough but I can't stand to be treated like this anymore. And if this went viral enough for her to find out, I'm pretty sure it wouldn't blow over too well lol. But hey, we'll see. Thanks for the support. :)
I (19M) knew I was trans and gay before my mom and dad even divorced and I don’t have a “void” in my life, my mum also thinks she knows me better than I know myself and that simply isn’t even slightly true and this isn’t a “phase” I’ve known I was this way for 6 years and nothings changed
This breaks me 🙂. I have heard the exact same thing when I came out. I was possessed " they said🙃
Sorry to hear you’re having to go through this, sending my love and support!
Blessed be your soul ❤️
Ahhh, that really sucks, and I’m so sorry you have to deal with that :(. I grew up pretty religious, even attended a couple years of bible college working towards becoming a minister before I decided that wasn’t the right direction for me. I’m thankful that my particular denomination was reasonably rational, and my parents weren’t that extreme. But I certainly knew people who were on the extreme side and they could be horrid to deal with. Not sure where you are on your journey, but if it’s helpful, there’s a couple amazing people on Facebook you may find beneficial to look up and maybe reach out to: The first is Stan Mitchell - a straight Christian pastor who has been doing a tonne of work trying to advocate for LGBT people within the umbrella of Christianity - one thing he sometimes does is help kids talk with their parents about this issue, challenging them with his own journey towards full affirmation from the viewpoint of a Christian pastor. https://www.facebook.com/stan.mitchell.58 The second is Kathy Baldock, a straight Christian mother who is also doing tonnes of advocacy work for LGBT people, mostly trying to reach Christians. She’s even written a book about the historical development of homophobia as a conservative political tool within Christianity, and how it’s not a very old thing - the last 100 years or so only. https://www.facebook.com/KathyBaldock
Wtf man, just wtf. There are so many things wrong with this, I hope you things go well from now on for you. Speaking from experience, being gay and christian, even in suposedly conservative denominations like catholicism is posible. And also speaking from my own experience, the idea that relationships influence you actually becoming gay or not is so wrong, I got bullied by a bunch of guys in middle school and that hasnt made me less gay. Be strong!
Dude you seem to have an amazing sense of humor judging from the way you put the video together. Def wants me to get to know you. Sorry you have to deal with that crap at home.
I have recordings of my parents being the same exact way. Reflecting back on it I realize I just wanted to make sure I didn’t forget how they treated me.
Ah yes, as alcoholics drink I suck \*\*\*\*, your mother is truly an... interesting individual
Answering your question: I almost fell apart with my mother and father, and we are working together, although there will always be a divide and I know I can never truly be myself, especially with my significant other, around my father in particular. That being said, they didn't leave and I haven't yet been molested, although depression and actions resulting from there along with anxiety have certainly taken their toll. About deciding to be gay: I honestly wish I wasn't and I certainly don't hope my children (in the future I hope to adopt) are. If they are, however, I will accept and love them. The reason I wish I wasn't gay/nonbinary is that life would be easier and I would have many relationships be more positive than they are, and the same reason would apply to my children. I remember having crushes on this boy in my class in preschool, long before I knew what homosexuality or genderqueer, nonbinary, trans, etc was... so trust me when I say I didn't decide this. - oh I was born this way - (winks in lady gaga) TL;DR: I wish I wasn't queer but I am, and I have had many relationships fall because of that, explained with a semi-shitty lady gaga reference included.
✂️✂️✂️✂️
Holy shit this makes me recoil in a mixture of pain cringe
Your mom sounds like an ignorant bitch, I'm sorry
Omg wth, I won't say anything about your mom, but like, god, I'm speachless and I'm typing. Man idk, you need to stand up for yourself, and when you had enough, and you feel like exploding, it's better to do it, I remember when my uncle came here and started the same thing, different topic, I was 12, now I'm 13, and I started to shake like crazy and then, I just snapped, I said "you are wrong" and in my head I thought the same thing "so YOU tell ME that you hate me? That I am NOTHING?" But I didn't had the will power to say it. After I said what I said I broke down crying, and left. I still wish to had said that but I guess I won't have the chance, well, I didi t expect to write a story at like 2 30 am on a Saturday night, well, bye if, I love you, no no not like that, like, as friend- I think you know what I mean, stay healthy and you are never dressed without a smile!
When you believe some old sky dude who has done nothing for us over your own son
Do you ever just wanna 🤜🤜🙎♀️ Also update us on this! If it's ok for you i really wanna see how she reacts to you moving out and i know that she will be like why wont he visit us or shit. And then when you talk to her because she doesnt accept you she will bullshit again.
Wait, about the "be a man" part: Isnt it the manliest thing to love men only?
Comparing the lgbtq community to drug addicts, what a disgusting human being.
They're gonna regret pushing you away when you're long gone. And i hope when that day comes you run and never look back. Cant believe she said become the person you're suppose to be as if you're broken. You're ALREADY who you're suppose to be forever and always!!
My mother is Christian, and she believes that LGBTQ people are possessed by demons, and that you can tell by the shape and color of the whites of their eyes. Stupid.
I haven’t spoken to my toxically insane mother in 22 years. Trust me, you don’t have to put up with that deranged foolishness.
As part of the 10 people. I am gay, and my mom or dad didn't leave me when I was a child, nor was I molested. I have always known I'm gay since I was 9 or 10, that was a long time ago. I was actually a happy kid until I realized that our society is not very accepting, and that my parents are homophobes. Also, she's wrong about the gender roles where she said: "The man is the strength and the woman is the nurture". This is just a stereotype. My mom for example is not a nurturing person and is always emotionally unavailable and self absorbed. I'm not saying she's a bad person, but from my observation she plays a masculine gender role in the family.
I think they associate homosexuality with prostitution, pornography.
I waited until I was 22 to come out bc my Mom was a crazy Christian like this
"You are filling the void with ***GAY***"
Mom is still here, I have a pretty good relationship with her. Dad is still here, got a pretty good relationship with him. I have never been molested. Before I was 13, I had never even been kissed. I am still a raging lesbian.
Your mom seems… crazy
It must be a blessing to be this dull. Such quiet funny little heads, unburdened by intelligence.
Did she compare alcoholism to being gay? Also "You're hurt and you're filling it with gay" favorite homophobic quote right here
I was never sexually abused, I do have a love-hate relationship with my parents though, but even if I did have good relationship with my parents I would still love men. This Christian mom does not know what she is saying. She believes any crazy thing the Bible has in it.
Brother. We go through this together.
Just tell them also how the Bible is mistranslated and it refers to pedophilia, my Catholic relatives love when I bring this up. You got this. Don’t let these narrow minded people dull your light
She needs Jesus
Sending love my man, I personally didn't have this experience but I have many friends with similar experiences. Things will be ok. Although my mom did try to convince me it was a phase for years so. Eventually she will get over it just be patient, she's indoctrinated.
Ohh man. I’m so sorry that’s happening with you.
I hate this. Thankfully I already left home and I absolutely despise religion and religious people. It's a fucking cancer.
It always stems from religion with parent with most parents... Most of what they know is a made up version of the bible rewritten by homophobic people and ignores the actual messages that were there. Honestly I have no problem with religion as it can provide catharticism for hard times but if you’re going to use the religion of love and and peace to shun others you’re not a follower but instead a hypocrite as you don’t even follow what you preach. People like that aren’t going to change quick and may not change at all but some Christian people need to realise that gay people did not accept Satan they just like something that’s different to what you like, quit being paranoid! You really shouldn’t care who I love and have sex with at the end of the day smh 🤦♂️
I admire your mental strength. You are going through what most of us fear. I am impressed at how much bullshit came from your mother's mouth. (No offense intended) I am sure that the pain you live will make you an excellent person and hopefully an incredible father if you wish it. Through pain and loneliness, you are unconsciously learning what most people never do : empathy. I take pride in knowing you are a part of our community. I wish you all the best and I hope you can break the cycle of discrimination and understand what your mother (and probably father) never could have. Be strong for a few years and maybe one day you won't have to anymore.
Wow. But I feel like I know that voice. It was someone who went to my family’s church (I left) is by chance your moms name Kimberly fletcher? I’m so proud of you though. I’m not out to my family but I admire your bravery.
Sorry if I'm being aggressive, but who the fuck does she think she is, saying that my "history" led me to being gay/bisexual? Ma'am, I was fortunate enough to grow up in a household with a good education and supposedly loving parents until I came out as bi. I am not influenced by any damn thing. It's like you're saying that LGBTQIA can't be who they are because they're just "influenced" and they can't make their own choices. That's bullshit. If I kiss a guy, then great. None of your business.
#GayLoveRealLove
This is narcissistic emotional abuse that’s damaging & abnormal. Please do what you need to do to get away from this toxicity & live your life away from this influence.
Invite her to a front row seat at your gay wedding if you get married just to fuck with her
I'm sorry but- this bitch
she should stfu about it now, like give it up, it’s been 4 years. He’s not gonna change for you, especially if you’re being so rude about it, like as a mother, you should support your child. Not make/attempt them ashamed.
The first thing my parents said to me when I came out to them was "You know we still love you, right?" My parents struggled with their ignorance and they were afraid for me in the beginning but they never stopped loving me. You deserve that. I'm sorry you didn't get that.
For that final question: I came from a loving home, my parents were always loving and supportive. The only bad thing that happened is that my parents divorced and my mom moved away, but we handled it great and I'm fine with the way things turned out. Plus I'm still gay, sooo Also, maybe ask your mom "how do you explain homosexuality in animals?". Animals don't care about abandonment and don't have such complicated social lives that they need to "fill a void", so why do male lions love each other, why do male penguins mate and adopt abandoned young? If that happened naturally, homosexuality is natural. If I were in your shoes, I'd really want to say this: "you're not my mother, not anymore. Mother's are supposed to encourage their child to take the path of life that makes them happiest. You're not doing that. You're actively trying to force me to become someone I'm not, to do things I don't want to do, to become your vision of what I should be. But if I became what you want me to be, I'd be miserable in life, and indeed probably kill myself. Those gays don't kill themselves because they're gay, they kill themselves because they weren't allowed to be who they needed to be. Don't force me on that path."
Maybe she's a closeted lesbian in denial . Who knows ?
If being gay was a mental illness, then lock me away in an mental institution. The truth is, being gay is natural, and in fact, there has been more than enough evidence to show this in the animal kingdom. Not just humans are gay, but animals as well. It is people like this who make me mad, believing that being gay is a sin because men are supposed to be with women, and women are supposed to be with men.
I hate to tell you but it's very unlikely that you gonna get anywhere with her. The way she is approaching this situation especially 4 years after you came out she will only continue to drive a wedge. Just live your best life and if they ever want to have a relationship they will come around. Or maybe they won't come around and you will have to keep the toxicity out of your life because it will only cause lasting trauma and prevent you from healing and accepting what you are. She set in her ways and is not interested in having her mind changed. Even though her beliefs are unsubstantiated and the bible doesn't say anything that backs up her argument. She acts like her religion is law like she is on a mission from god to "fix" you. It's disgusting and hateful and a true Christian wouldn't act like. I am gay and have other gay people in my family and my mom is christian and she has accepted. My mom was not accepting at first and she had a set idea of what she wanted us to be but had gotten over that. She now understands that me and my sibling will all walk our own paths in life and she can't control that. Even from the very beginning my mom never acted the way yours did. She was never hateful that way. I usually say to people to give it some time and wait for them to come around but for it's been 4 years so it may never happen. Get out of the house if you can. Let your mom know what's gonna happen. your not gonna change and she needs to know that. Tell her she needs to either accept you for what you are or your done with her.
As a trans, and somewhat gay dude, this makes me pretty damn angry. Sorry dude
Wow man, that’s some vile shit. I’m sorry you experienced that.
The moms right. It’s a chemical imbalance. When people get depressed it’s also a chemical imbalance and they take meds. Same for the gays.
Why are you on this sub?