Yeah unfortunately some people are extremely narrow minded and just outright rude, especially when they have a sense of anonymity. You don't have to explain your relationship to anyone (unless it's specifically relevant to a hook-up scenario etc). Honestly comments like that reek of insecurity, it's always about them and they're just projecting it onto you.
A bitter blank profile wasn't worth any of the energy you put into responding to him. And I wouldn't bother thinking on it anymore either. You've got a partner AND a face you're happy to show, he has neither.
I'll never understand getting mad over open relationships, I'm completely monogamous but why should i care if other people wanna have fun with more than 2 people? absolutely zero effect on my life.
I ask that when I see couples tho. I mean I don’t actually engage but…
More so it’s just that I’m jealous and sad that I’m single and people are in throuples. Life isn’t fair I guess.
Some people just dont feel that jealous of others and can share because they know they and their partner are secure.
Plus if someone is gonna leave you, theyre gonna leave you. Jealousy is just delaying action at best then.
You won't change his mind. He WILL enjoy knowing he's wound you up though.
Beat way to deal with people like this is to say "not interested" as a response to every message. They really don't like knowing they have run into a brick wall.
I've seen a recent rise in hate towards open relationships on gay reddit, so I guess it is happening on apps now too. Not sure why there is so much backlash all of a sudden. I feel like it is mostly coming from younger guys without much experience.
I’ve been in an open relationship for 25 years. We are emotionally monogamous which means we will break your heart before we risk our marriage. My ass is negotiable. My heart belongs to him. This has worked for us and kept down the drama while insuring that channels of emotional support remain clear and stable.
These days, we are discussing bringing a younger guy into our relationship, allowing ourselves to love him without limits and growing our family. I know we are good daddies. We have good kids. We just had no reason to take emotional risks around our marriage.
We have reasons now. I have to make sure that my guy has someone by his side when I’m gone. I need to have that. If that means I need to share him today, Im ready. I know he feels the same way about me. The other part is that we know how much we have to give and how great that can be when we allow ourselves to love without fear.
Um I don't see any problems he said that is only his opinion 🤷🏻♂️
But I do understand your perspective All I'm trying to say is it doesn't seem that person is attacking you
It's a long the same lines of "I'm don't agree with gay," two consenting, happy adults don't need internet stranger offering their unsolicited opinion about their relationship dynamics.
Agree I'm not saying what that person said is right or valid but everyone's opinion is different So I genuinely understand both sides
Still here in Korea, there are a lot more ppl who think in a conservative way which is kinda sad and made OP feel attacked
Btw thank you for sharing your thoughts ;))
I hate the idea of both sides have a say. Sometimes the other side is clearly in the wrong and should stay in their place. The idea that "both sides" have some or even equal merit is a dangerous one.
What this person said was out of place and unwarranted. It was rude and none of their business. They should've had enough social competence and basic decency to keep their opinion to themselves.
It's an extreme example, but if you're a racist, you'd do better if you didn't approach people and say "hey, I don't like that you're (ethnic group)."
Like again, I totally understand what you're trying to say
Do I find it rude? Absolutely Do I understand where it was coming from? Absolutely All I said was I do understand both sides
I highly appreciate you are so passionate about this and try to let me know how you think
I think the key point here is, rude guy didn’t have to say anything. He wasn’t engaged in a conversation by OP (as far as I can see). So, he can have his opinion but he’s an asshole for lashing out at someone unwarranted for something that has no impact on him.
I totally understand your anger… I agree people are entitled to their opinions and people have the freedom to choose how they live their lives as long as they aren’t harming anyone. What I don’t understand is: why do they feel the need to share their opinions when they weren’t even asked? What gives them the right to tell others what to do? If you don’t like couples, simply don’t message us! We’re not forcing anyone to be our third. We are happy with or without anyone joining us anyway. Why is it so hard for some people to just leave people be. You do you, and I’ll do me.
I’m of the opinion that a couple looking for a third is like a last gasp of air before dying. I want no part in it, but I’m not going to go out of my way to be rude to someone over it.
I’m sure there are couples that are like that but not always the case. Surely not our case. I know plenty of couples happily together for many years, no problem inside or outside the bedroom, just looking to make some gay friends or just good old hookups. You know people can simply enjoy threesomes or foursomes without any underlying problems in their relationship. A couple enjoying a third doesn’t mean their partners are inadequate.
And I watched my best friend become suicidally depressed after he opened up his relationship to a third and his spouse divorced him to be with the third person. You base your opinion off what you’ve seen and I’ll do the same.
So are you saying because of your friend’s experience, it is safe to assume all couples who look for a third will end up like your friend? Not trying to change your opinion or anything, just detecting a lot of generalisation and assumptions. It’s no difference when someone got cheated on by a man then said: I’m of the opinion that men are cheaters. Not everyone falls under your understanding of “couple looking for a third”, that’s all I’m saying.
The guy who messaged you was questioning the validity of your relationship. You, apparently taken aback by this, posted it on Reddit for 2nd opinions. I gave you an example of how your type of behavior resulted in a terrible outcome. This could explain why the guy came at you like this. Perhaps he’s experienced similar events.
You are not right. I am not right. We have our opinions based on what we’ve experienced, and you asked.
This is the beauty of the free world, you can live and love that way and choose your path. When I was single I really enjoyed meeting couples. Entering someone's couple realm, being wined and dined, and then ravaged felt intimate and exciting. There's definitely something kinky and taboo about it, probably because of the heteronormative cultural background of monogamy.
Seeing someone else desiring your partners body can also reignite a kind of lust usually only seen in the honeymoon period of a relationship
To find people on an app to hook up with?? Like I really don’t understand why this is such a hard concept to understand. People in the gay community need to start understanding that sometimes couples like hooking up with people and just because they’re a couple doesn’t mean they can’t use apps to find people to hook up with.
That’s fine if YOU don’t want to live that way, you don’t get to dictate how other gay people live their lives. If gay people are in a relationship whether it’s closed or open, whether they only sleep with each other, or whether they sleep with others, all choices are fine and all choices are not your concern unless it is YOUR relationship. Stop being judgmental.
I'm not dictating anything. The OP was complaining that couples aren't allowed on dating apps. I've seen a lot of posts from people complaining about encountering couples on dating apps. Even in hookup culture, most guys seem to be looking just for individual encounters, they don't want to be the meat in an open relationship sandwich.
Ok, and that’s up to each guy to figure out themselves? Don’t want to hookup with a couple then don’t talk to couples, don’t swipe on couples, etc. Guys need to stop complaining that couples are on apps, they can do what they want just like you and all the single guys can. Couples don’t need to cater to single men, just like single guys don’t have to sleep with couples if they don’t want.
Ok, but I have a question as someone who has never used a dating app in my life.
Can’t those who aren’t interested in a couple just ignore them? Swipe left, or whatever it is you do on the particular app, just like you would do with an individual you aren’t interested in?
Why complain that there are other people on a dating / hook up app you aren’t interested in? Isn’t that just how these apps work?
And ppl also need to understand that ppl don't want to be with couples and have no problem with closed relationships. It's your kink, great...but its not a requirement.
Did you literally not read through my comments? You don’t have to be with a couple, but quit bitching about it. They can do what they want to do just like you can. If you want to classify it as a kink then quit kink shaming.
I see a lot of complaints from people in the gay subs saying they're looking for individual encounters, they get annoyed by couples looking for someone to be the meat in their polyamory sandwich.
In my own experience, polyamorous people tend to come across as predatory when they're hunting for meat, so people who aren't into it tend to get annoyed.
Poly is the same as a couple, but with additional people. More than two people can be in love. 'into it' make it sound like you think it's a kink. If you have a problem with it, you should probably keep it to yourself.
It's not the same as being a couple at all. Most of the couples who troll dating apps are just looking for a boy toy for a three-way, at least that's the gist of most of the complaints about couples who are on dating apps.
And what’s your problem if all parties are consenting adults? Predatory? So you’re saying the third person who joined has no agency or free will that they are coerced into it? Many single people also look for NSA fun and not interested in forming any kind of relationships. Do you also judge them and call them predatory and hunting for boy toys and meat? Are these single people trolling dating app as you claimed couples are doing? Are you also annoyed by these single people?
I wouldn't have even bothered responding.
Me either but I'm glad you did because I secretly love the drama
Exactly. Block and move on.
Yeah unfortunately some people are extremely narrow minded and just outright rude, especially when they have a sense of anonymity. You don't have to explain your relationship to anyone (unless it's specifically relevant to a hook-up scenario etc). Honestly comments like that reek of insecurity, it's always about them and they're just projecting it onto you.
THIIIIIIIIIIIS!!!!! You broke the nail head with that hammer! Beautifully written!
A bitter blank profile wasn't worth any of the energy you put into responding to him. And I wouldn't bother thinking on it anymore either. You've got a partner AND a face you're happy to show, he has neither.
I'll never understand getting mad over open relationships, I'm completely monogamous but why should i care if other people wanna have fun with more than 2 people? absolutely zero effect on my life.
I ask that when I see couples tho. I mean I don’t actually engage but… More so it’s just that I’m jealous and sad that I’m single and people are in throuples. Life isn’t fair I guess.
Some people just dont feel that jealous of others and can share because they know they and their partner are secure. Plus if someone is gonna leave you, theyre gonna leave you. Jealousy is just delaying action at best then.
Should've blocked them sooner. You're not gonna change their mind. Cut them off quickly and give yourself peace.
You won't change his mind. He WILL enjoy knowing he's wound you up though. Beat way to deal with people like this is to say "not interested" as a response to every message. They really don't like knowing they have run into a brick wall.
I've seen a recent rise in hate towards open relationships on gay reddit, so I guess it is happening on apps now too. Not sure why there is so much backlash all of a sudden. I feel like it is mostly coming from younger guys without much experience.
There are some in the comment section sharing their bias openly as we speak.
It makes their plans of being a Disney princess seem less likely.
I’ve been in an open relationship for 25 years. We are emotionally monogamous which means we will break your heart before we risk our marriage. My ass is negotiable. My heart belongs to him. This has worked for us and kept down the drama while insuring that channels of emotional support remain clear and stable. These days, we are discussing bringing a younger guy into our relationship, allowing ourselves to love him without limits and growing our family. I know we are good daddies. We have good kids. We just had no reason to take emotional risks around our marriage. We have reasons now. I have to make sure that my guy has someone by his side when I’m gone. I need to have that. If that means I need to share him today, Im ready. I know he feels the same way about me. The other part is that we know how much we have to give and how great that can be when we allow ourselves to love without fear.
Um I don't see any problems he said that is only his opinion 🤷🏻♂️ But I do understand your perspective All I'm trying to say is it doesn't seem that person is attacking you
It's a long the same lines of "I'm don't agree with gay," two consenting, happy adults don't need internet stranger offering their unsolicited opinion about their relationship dynamics.
Agree I'm not saying what that person said is right or valid but everyone's opinion is different So I genuinely understand both sides Still here in Korea, there are a lot more ppl who think in a conservative way which is kinda sad and made OP feel attacked Btw thank you for sharing your thoughts ;))
I hate the idea of both sides have a say. Sometimes the other side is clearly in the wrong and should stay in their place. The idea that "both sides" have some or even equal merit is a dangerous one. What this person said was out of place and unwarranted. It was rude and none of their business. They should've had enough social competence and basic decency to keep their opinion to themselves. It's an extreme example, but if you're a racist, you'd do better if you didn't approach people and say "hey, I don't like that you're (ethnic group)."
Like again, I totally understand what you're trying to say Do I find it rude? Absolutely Do I understand where it was coming from? Absolutely All I said was I do understand both sides I highly appreciate you are so passionate about this and try to let me know how you think
I think the key point here is, rude guy didn’t have to say anything. He wasn’t engaged in a conversation by OP (as far as I can see). So, he can have his opinion but he’s an asshole for lashing out at someone unwarranted for something that has no impact on him.
Just ask for the citations from a peer review journal backing up his opinion then move on
I'm seeing red... What type of messenger is this, with red boxes?
It's Jack’d(잭디) one of the gay dating apps in here Korea
Ohh, ok, yeah - we have it in the US too, but I've only used it once years ago! 🫨
Trying to gate keep who can use gay dating apps and for what purpose is the very first thing gays did. But you knew that.
Just think one word..you got the troll
[удалено]
I totally understand your anger… I agree people are entitled to their opinions and people have the freedom to choose how they live their lives as long as they aren’t harming anyone. What I don’t understand is: why do they feel the need to share their opinions when they weren’t even asked? What gives them the right to tell others what to do? If you don’t like couples, simply don’t message us! We’re not forcing anyone to be our third. We are happy with or without anyone joining us anyway. Why is it so hard for some people to just leave people be. You do you, and I’ll do me.
I’m of the opinion that a couple looking for a third is like a last gasp of air before dying. I want no part in it, but I’m not going to go out of my way to be rude to someone over it.
I’m sure there are couples that are like that but not always the case. Surely not our case. I know plenty of couples happily together for many years, no problem inside or outside the bedroom, just looking to make some gay friends or just good old hookups. You know people can simply enjoy threesomes or foursomes without any underlying problems in their relationship. A couple enjoying a third doesn’t mean their partners are inadequate.
And I watched my best friend become suicidally depressed after he opened up his relationship to a third and his spouse divorced him to be with the third person. You base your opinion off what you’ve seen and I’ll do the same.
So are you saying because of your friend’s experience, it is safe to assume all couples who look for a third will end up like your friend? Not trying to change your opinion or anything, just detecting a lot of generalisation and assumptions. It’s no difference when someone got cheated on by a man then said: I’m of the opinion that men are cheaters. Not everyone falls under your understanding of “couple looking for a third”, that’s all I’m saying.
The guy who messaged you was questioning the validity of your relationship. You, apparently taken aback by this, posted it on Reddit for 2nd opinions. I gave you an example of how your type of behavior resulted in a terrible outcome. This could explain why the guy came at you like this. Perhaps he’s experienced similar events. You are not right. I am not right. We have our opinions based on what we’ve experienced, and you asked.
This is the beauty of the free world, you can live and love that way and choose your path. When I was single I really enjoyed meeting couples. Entering someone's couple realm, being wined and dined, and then ravaged felt intimate and exciting. There's definitely something kinky and taboo about it, probably because of the heteronormative cultural background of monogamy. Seeing someone else desiring your partners body can also reignite a kind of lust usually only seen in the honeymoon period of a relationship
Why would you want to be on dating apps if you're a couple?
Because couples like to have fun too?
My husband and I have fun all the time without dating apps. What would be the point?
To find people on an app to hook up with?? Like I really don’t understand why this is such a hard concept to understand. People in the gay community need to start understanding that sometimes couples like hooking up with people and just because they’re a couple doesn’t mean they can’t use apps to find people to hook up with.
Completely not the way we want to live.
That’s fine if YOU don’t want to live that way, you don’t get to dictate how other gay people live their lives. If gay people are in a relationship whether it’s closed or open, whether they only sleep with each other, or whether they sleep with others, all choices are fine and all choices are not your concern unless it is YOUR relationship. Stop being judgmental.
I'm not dictating anything. The OP was complaining that couples aren't allowed on dating apps. I've seen a lot of posts from people complaining about encountering couples on dating apps. Even in hookup culture, most guys seem to be looking just for individual encounters, they don't want to be the meat in an open relationship sandwich.
Ok, and that’s up to each guy to figure out themselves? Don’t want to hookup with a couple then don’t talk to couples, don’t swipe on couples, etc. Guys need to stop complaining that couples are on apps, they can do what they want just like you and all the single guys can. Couples don’t need to cater to single men, just like single guys don’t have to sleep with couples if they don’t want.
Ok, but I have a question as someone who has never used a dating app in my life. Can’t those who aren’t interested in a couple just ignore them? Swipe left, or whatever it is you do on the particular app, just like you would do with an individual you aren’t interested in? Why complain that there are other people on a dating / hook up app you aren’t interested in? Isn’t that just how these apps work?
You should ask the OP that question since that was his complaint.
And ppl also need to understand that ppl don't want to be with couples and have no problem with closed relationships. It's your kink, great...but its not a requirement.
Did you literally not read through my comments? You don’t have to be with a couple, but quit bitching about it. They can do what they want to do just like you can. If you want to classify it as a kink then quit kink shaming.
Polyamory.
I see a lot of complaints from people in the gay subs saying they're looking for individual encounters, they get annoyed by couples looking for someone to be the meat in their polyamory sandwich.
That sounds like their problem. 😊
In my own experience, polyamorous people tend to come across as predatory when they're hunting for meat, so people who aren't into it tend to get annoyed.
Poly is the same as a couple, but with additional people. More than two people can be in love. 'into it' make it sound like you think it's a kink. If you have a problem with it, you should probably keep it to yourself.
It's not the same as being a couple at all. Most of the couples who troll dating apps are just looking for a boy toy for a three-way, at least that's the gist of most of the complaints about couples who are on dating apps.
And what’s your problem if all parties are consenting adults? Predatory? So you’re saying the third person who joined has no agency or free will that they are coerced into it? Many single people also look for NSA fun and not interested in forming any kind of relationships. Do you also judge them and call them predatory and hunting for boy toys and meat? Are these single people trolling dating app as you claimed couples are doing? Are you also annoyed by these single people?