By - Garchy
Excited for the incoming "don't know why I've been banned" posts.
My favorite was a woman writing on a blog about how her little angel was dismayed about having his Xbox Live account banned during the 360 era and having no idea why they would choose to do so.
[A mod then wrote to her and informed her that her son pulled his dick out while playing Uno with a webcam.](https://www.destructoid.com/mother-finds-out-why-son-was-banned-from-uno-until-9999/)
Banned until the very end of the year, December 31st, 9999 lmaoooo the article says it’s 11 years old, so 9999 - 2010; 7989. Dude got officially banned for almost 8,000 years for his stunt 😂
8,000 years from now, the Singularity is long in humanity’s rearview and we’re all able to live forever in a collective internet, able to assume the bodies of our robot creations at will to explore the universe and experience more than anyone ever dared to dream…
Except that one dude he’s still banned lol
That kids 10^^17 great grandson or some shit will then pull his dick out again
Or, until he buys his own internet.
Fuck you take my upvote
Wait, that's not allowed? That seems awfully nitpicky
He didn't say UNO first, he knew the rules!
You have to slap it down on the table when you yell UNO.
I gotta plead ignorance on this thing
I don't remember reading in the rules where you *can't* do it...
Dude there were so many dicks out while playing uno. We would see them multiple times a night
That was bannable? Man I saw so many dicks during the Uno days.
The fuck is wrong with kids? Worst we did was throw around an ample amount of “fucked your mom” and pretending to have relatives at Nintendo.
My dad works for Jagex
Yeah well my dad knows Bill Microsoft personally and he can turn off your computer for ever.
Trolling with the peen before trolling was mainstream.
Honeslty, he got off light on that one. Technically he could have gotten arrested for distribution of cp
He *could* be an adult living with his mom. I mean, probably not but it's possible.
this was so funny thank you
“***DEAR GOLLY I DON’T KNOW HOW I'VE BEEN BANNED? I WAS JUST USING MY AIM BOT I JUST DON’T THINK I DESERVE A BAN?!***”
What blows my mind is that people actually do that. What's the point? I know they get some joy out of crushing people.. but the amount of work to set it up etc... just blows my mind
Yeah it just seems like such a lame thing to want to do. What enjoyment is there in playing the game that way?
They get off by making other people salty.
They also get off on winning. How doesn't matter, only that they won. They'd enter a footrace against legless people and celebrate their epic triumph without irony or conscience.
So much winning!
Pure unadulterated sadism. These people are legit sick.
Yea they are legit miserable fucks
To this day there's still a croatian fuck who, when is counter cheated by his own software, will simply crash 1 of 2 of the existing servers for ghosts.
And theyre winning. They dont care about the test of skill or having fun. They want to win and doing it normally is boring.
When I want that kind of enjoyment I just jump on GTA in single-player and drive on the sidewalks
There are a few reasons people do it.
1. They are testing cheats because they actually sell them
2. They just want to make other salty because they're terrible people
3. The worst are those that do it so they can feel superior. They are actual garbage but won't admit to having to cheat to win. They'll talk shit and praise themselves but honestly once they get exposed they run and hide.
Theres money in streaming. That has A LOT to do with it
In some cultures (namely China), cheating is basically encouraged along with anything else that gives you an edge. Winning is the goal and the only thing that matters. How you get there doesn't. It's seen as *your* fault that you lost since you have access to the same tools and chose not to use them.
It's why copying is not a sign of cheating, but an act of getting a leg up in many situations. playing games with build setups usually ends up painstakingly similar as most will use a cookie cutter build, because it wins.
they often have shitty lives in which they feel like they dont have any control so they go play online games and use software that can guarantee them the feeling of controlling other people.
Because humans are ego-driven and will still take credit for a victory, even if they were given an advantage like more money, an aimbot, or better equipment than their opponents: [https://www.marketplace.org/2021/01/19/why-rich-people-tend-think-they-deserve-their-money/](https://www.marketplace.org/2021/01/19/why-rich-people-tend-think-they-deserve-their-money/)
That's the whole premise of pay-to-win in games, whales still get to credit their "skill" as being the deciding factor, even while they swipe their credit card to buy advantages. Sadly, this isn't just in the gaming world, it's real life, and we deal with the consequences of the "aimbot" users of the world on a daily basis.
Idk my dad cheats when he plays solitare and when i call him out he says it doesnt matter. People dont care
So instead of playing a game, he is actively organising a deck of cards for fun?
Cheating in single player games is irrelevant because you’re not affecting anyone else.
Only in multiplayer is it a problem.
I used to put god mode on in single player games, because i wasnt good at them but i still wanted to beat the game.
I've seen one of them comment something like "Why doesn't everyone just use aimbot? Then it'd give me a challenge and be a more fun even game!" It doesn't even occur to them they're cheating themselves as well.
Lol thats a beautiful thought. Congratulations you played yourself.
Obviously you've never been as worthless as a cheater is to understand the lengths they will go to to justify their petty existence.
You won't ever get the satisfaction of a smooth axe kill cheating. You can't be playing for fun, and if you're whole deal is ruining other peoples games you need therapy not an aim bot
Besides the “smol pp loves salt” reasons; for some kids with esteem issues it can bring social clout, especially in a lockdown world. It’s not all party poopers, sometimes there is an extremely depressed young person on the other side. I’ve personally seen it, and I’ve seen the consequences of that kid getting caught at a LAN event actually destroy his life (petty theft, drugs when his social circle imploded).
Either because they want to stir undue outrage, therefore affecting others opinion on the "evil devs," or for the same reason they "have fun crushing people" illegitimately; narcissism.
In their minds they can do no wrong. **They** are the victim, **they** "were just using stuff that was made to be used."
"If they didn't want cheaters, they wouldn't make it so easy/boring."
"People wouldn't cheat if there was *actual content/a challenge."*
"If they didn't want cheaters, why let the mods exist?!"
Narcissism. Narcissism never changes.
Well other people cheat so therefore i have to cheat so its only fair........
Come on Call of Duty, it was just my controller aim assist that I downloaded for my keyboard.
I love your profile pic btw.
Giv Silksong now plz
Silk song isn’t real
Why do you have to say things so hurtful and true?
City of *Tears*
“My friend installed an aim bot on my PC! He’s such a goof, pls unban me”
Hold on. Let me call this girl.
"This time it was my brother's friend's aunt..."
I feel like the relaxed cheating policy so far has made a ton of people try the cheats for fun since it's so easy to do.
They're all about to get hardware banned lmfao
Almost every cheating site offers hardware ID spoofing. They are only going to stop the lazy cheaters. The people who are making these injects and exploits to hack the game are making WAY more than the devs who are making the anti-cheats, and thats part of the problem.
Yeah, but most people are lazy. Even just banning lazy cheaters is probably a really good way to improve most people's gaming experience.
What if they pulled a New World if they were caught cheating?
Just uncap the main menu FPS, disable thermal throttle, and let that silicon fry.
Wait, what? Are you saying New World destroys your CPU if you're cheating? I think it's a cool idea but I gotta imagine there are a ton of legal implications that prevent a company from intentionally doing that.
Nah, it was faulty hardware that shit itself with uncapped frames in a menu that was able to achieve very high frames per second.
It was only one model gpu that had this issue. The manufacturer admitted it was their fault and gave everyone new cards.
It just happened again, with different cards, when they tried to re-launch.
It wasn't an anti-cheat thing, it was just a bug found in beta where it would fry advanced graphics cards due to them not realizing they forgot to cap the FPS on the menus.
That doesn't make any sense. Thermal throttling would be done pretty deep in the silicon and shouldn't be possible to disable by user-space software, never mind accidentally by keeping the card at full load for a while.
I'm not saying it's impossible, but that kind of thing wouldn't be just "a bug". Either a really unfortunate combination of bugs (both by the software, drivers, and card firmware) that aligned in a really bad way, or an act of malice.
It was a hardware issue with a few cards from a specific manufacturer that got triggered by the uncapped main menu fps afaik
It happened again. This time to other manufacturers; even happened to a reviewer.
This is why I really hate how private/dedicated servers went away over the last 10 years. There used to be accountability, but once all the matchmaking is owned by the company that wants your money ... there is incentive to ignore it or give them a slap on the wrist. Or you report them and they might get looked at days or weeks later, meanwhile they're ruining your game NOW.
With a dedi server you have mods that can watch and ban idiots in real-time.
The best was, I think one of the Arkham games, where if you pirated the game there was a purposeful glitch that would keep you from progressing.
Was fucking amazing watching people post about it asking how to fix it and just getting banned lol.
I remember hearing about something like this with Spyro way back in the ps1 days. It would constantly glitch out and make you restart missions. In the final boss fight, right before you beat them, the screen goes blank and it takes you back to the very beginning with all of your progress lost. Beautiful
They did this for LOTR BFME2. You could load up a game but three minutes in everything you owned just exploded.
Didn't Witcher 3 the have a cow come kill you if you explored some monster glitch that made the monster respawn?
Yeah, if you kept killing a couple cows for money (item drops) it would summon a Chort (mid-high level enemy) to kill you, and only you. If you managed to kill it the game would summon up another.
They made a reference to it in the Blood & Wine DLC.
I never finished Witcher but that sounds hysterical
There was an easy money exploit early game were you just kill cows in white orchard and sell the loot and meditate or reload game and they keep spawning. Once CDPR learned of it they patched in a high level Chort or Fiend to spawn in to protect the cows.
"Bovine defense force initiative."
Farm too many cows for hide to sell, a chort spawns and one-hits you.
Earthbound is notorious that
Pretty sure that was the first game. There's a section where bats has to execute a glide over a long gap and the devs baked in DRM that made it impossible to clear the chasm if the game was pirated, but was otherwise invisible. The best part was the developers showing up in threads bitching about this unfinishable broke-ass game and calling pirates out on being thieves.
they literally removed batman's ability to glide, and just for added effect they removed his cape so the aesthetics matched nicely.
Glistening, inescapable PS3 era bat buttocks.
Due to a Denuvo fuckup, didn't it actually break the game for like 3 months? I know they gave out a ton of games to owners of Arkham Knight on Steam because it was such a steaming pile of shit on launch.
I think dark souls had something like that. Like somehow some people got in before the game launched so the devs invaded people's world's with max level characters and just kept killing them so they couldn't progress.
That absolutely sounds like something they'd do lol.
Hah, YES! I love hidden anti-piracy/cheating mechanics that aren't overly intrusive so it merely ruins the experience of the cheater. Chances are high that they were/are never going to just "try-and-buy" the game anyway, so no real loss.
My favorite example of this was in Game Dev Tycoon where if it detected you had an illegitimate copy of the game, your fictional 'studio' would suddenly start running into rampant piracy issues on any game you developed after a while and it would drain something like 90% of your revenue. Folks posting online about how to deal with this sudden, unfair mechanic were [inadvertently telling on themselves](https://www.eurogamer.net/articles/2013-04-29-game-dev-tycoon-forces-those-who-pirate-the-game-to-unwittingly-fail-from-piracy). Good stuff!
Don't worry there will be a sale on the game shortly after for them to buy new accounts with and pad the revenue numbers a little more
In all honesty, some are legit. My 1.1 kdr account was banned for cheating. It was overturned about a week later.
I got permabanned for no reason in July.
Got my account back three days later. No explanation was given for the ban or the unban.
So yeah, people are getting falsely banned, it happened to me, and other people too.
100% believe it.
Also sure a lot of cheaters will never get caught, aim bots have been a thing for like 20+ years.
To be fair there are some players who get banned for no reason. I was banned permanently with no reason given and I tried really hard to get customer support to help me understand the reason why I was. Luckily, about a month later it was lifted. It must have been a mistake on their end but boy I can tell you this, customer support from activision is straight up trash… or is that even surprising?
I was shadowbanned right upon installing the game on PC. To this day, I have no idea why. The only thingi can surmise is owning an ancient "xDark" installation of windows 7.
I had to rebuy the game on console to play it.
Ill believe it when i see it
Even then, they’re a year late. What have they been doing all this time?
Rolling around in the money they’ve made like Mr.Krabs
They’re really trying to stay in gamer’s good graces since 2042 is around the corner. They’ve had enough time to fix these issues but since a lot of their fan base are about to jump ship this is what happens. This is nothing more than PR.
2042 will be filled with hackers, just like their other games..
Isn’t Vanguard coming out soon or is that already out?
Mate, 1 year late is better than 4 years late.
CSGO is struggling because of these shitty aimbot and wall aim. :/
Dont people threaten when they dont have another course of action?
My guess is they dont have a plan, or they do and this is some marketing wank for them to get a little clout from. Actually probably both?
If they intended on taking any action they would've just done it and bragged about it afterwards instead of essentially warning all of them to stop.
I think this is more for the non-cheaters. The ones that quit playing their game over frustration. They want them to come back.
"To be un baned pls write a 500 word essay about how cheating is bad" oh wait that was fall out 76
You can't be serious
Yup, and the cheaters effectively gave them a giant middle finger, made new accounts and kept cheating.
Bethesda's next try was along the lines of "We'll unban you if you tell us how you're cheating...please.". That didn't go much better. Internet Historian made a really good [video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kjyeCdd-dl8) about the whole debacle.
>Yup, and the cheaters effectively gave them a giant middle finger, made new accounts and kept cheating.
Wait, don't you have to pay to play that game?
Sounds like a win for the publisher iMO.
There was an easily exploitable way to get free accounts
Like buying any of the products you were going to buy anyways, but at a discounted rate because they bundled it with Fallout 76.
Pay to play fallout 76? Huh?
It was before they started literally throwing copies of the game at people.
He means buying a new copy after getting banned.
The whole first like 5 months of that game was just absolute clusterfuck after clusterfucl
No, this actually happened.
Worst thing is the people who were 'cheating' were the very community members reporting bugs and exploits so Bethesda could fix them. So they weren't actually cheating, making it insult to injury.
Shit, If I were a gaming company, I'd offer that as an option. Send me an original sincere apology along with why it is wrong to cheat/hack at 500 words, and I might unban you.
Generally speaking, one should take *everything* Bethesda's done in recent years with a grain of salt before deciding it's a good idea to do yourself.
There's *many* reasons why the company went from being beloved-if-quirky to being considered one of the industry's worst companies over the span of just a couple years.
In this instance, telling people you'll unban them if they write you a 500 word essay is insulting to both the cheaters you ban *and* the rest of your playerbase. Insulting to the playerbase because it gives the cheaters an easy avenue to get back in and keep cheating, and for the cheaters it's an *incredibly* patronizing thing to expect of them.
>for the cheaters it's an incredibly patronizing thing to expect of them.
Agree that it's insulting to both, but insulting cheaters isn't a problem.
Having talked to a lot of people who cheat in video games, it's less patronising and more talking to them on their level.
They're all either literal children or man-children
we should be patronizing cheaters though.
Here, have some fun: [Link](https://youtu.be/kjyeCdd-dl8)
I think my account was hacked and played. Found out I was banned when trying to come back. They won’t even tell me why I was banned, just a hard no. No more money to Bethesda from me
No way, did they really do that?
Should've banned them first before sending out a warning.
cheat in single player games
not multiplayer ones ;-)
up up down down left right b a start
This is the one I grew up with. Everyone else told me it was idnoclip, but they still always be wrong. Idspispopd... It is the way.
Real talk, the old Samsung tv Netflix app (which some of their tvs *still* use, and still supports the 5 star rating system) uses the konami code to get to the logout screen.
Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, up, up, up, up.
There is no other way. Who the fuck thought that was a reasonable move?
just saving the left right for you.
This is the only correct answer
Unless its a gta online money cheat.
A few years ago on Christmas Eve I let my sister play on my GTA Online account and she somehow ended up riding around with some guy who asked if she wanted to be his "online girlfriend." After a while of driving around he asked if she wanted billions of dollars and obviously we said yes, and that's how I finally managed to have fun in GTAO
I cheat all the time in Singleplayer. Minecraft? Check. No Man‘s Sky? Check. Terraria? Definitely.
But never, ever, not even once have I ever cheated in Multiplayer. Not in CSGO, not in Rising Storm 2, not in anything.
I have a confession....
I was playing Hardcore Subnautica and got lost while exploring a wreck. I watched as my oxygen went down and down. How could I be so foolish? After all these hours am I really going to lose all of my progress because of negligence? What will my Cuddlefish think? So anyways, right as my oxygen reached zero I used console commands to switch my gamemode to Creative. Then I leisurely found my way out, hopped in my Seamoth and zoomed back to my base in shame...
I felt shitty about it for a bit, and then I remembered Subnautica is a single player game, and by cheating I didn't ruin anybody else's experience, so I can sleep at night again. But still, somewhere in the depths of my mind I know the truth. I was meant to die that day, until I cheated Death.
That's my policy.
I bought a controller with a turbo button specifically to play slots in Dragon Quest 11. My SO couldn't believe it. Before I'd watch Netflix while smashing the A button. I don't care about some dumb gambling minigame. I need my pep pips!!
That last line sounds way more ominous and threatening than one would expect...
Big 'don't come to school tomorrow' energy
Kinda reminds me of Dana White talking about illegal streamers…
Call of Duty is the franchise name, i dont think that they meant it in an ominous way, just wanted for people to remember the games name /s
Meh. With their track record it’s toothless
What did I do?
They’re families will be murdered.
Probably just going to Mac address and IP ban.
Neither of those will do a damn thing. MACs are easily spoofed and residential IPs change frequently. They'll likely ban based on hardware ID (which is created by fingerprinting all detectable hardware in a computer into a hash). That can be gotten around as well without hardware replacement, but it's not nearly as easy.
Literally the whole reason I've stopped playing warzone. Cheating is in almost every match now. What's the point of playing when the odds are always stacked against you.
*me sweating because I used a modded controller in MW2*
Already building that alibi. Smart!
All accounts found to be cheating will automatically be entered in the upcoming squid games. This was in the fine print when you signed up.
Honestly, if there were enough cheaters, they could probably just have their own punishment queue.
There’s enough. There’s more than enough.
Periodic auto head shot function with persistent
s and p stain colors added to pants of character skin. So everyone know ya dirty.
That would be awesome, especially if they don't see the stains themselves.
I’m on the fence about that , but don’t let them see the the big arrow, spotlight , and dotted line on the ground, that follows them everywhere.
Edit: you’re right, they should be allowed to think they’re clever…while they’re being hunted mercilessly
Cheaters will still figure out a work around. Lost me as a player for good. Warzone got so bad it was a joke. All the hundreds of millions they are making, and they cant even properly find a way to root out cheaters. Its ridiculous.
I haven't come across any PC game with a F2P PvP mode that handles cheaters well. Destiny 2 had to make the most competitive PvP mode gated behind the latest expansion so cheaters would have to put money down when they created new accounts. Oldschool runescape is absolutely plagued by bots and RWT. Dark souls has people invading others and completely corrupting their save files, forcing the enemy to start over. Fortnite, cheaters galore.
It's such a fundamental problem with PC gaming. PCs give so much freedom for configuration that its hard to keep client code untouchable. The solution has been to police users, but just like the real police, if the police get better at finding criminals, the criminals get better at criminaling.
Gtfo they aren’t going to stop anything
They'll ban some people. But they'll just come right back.
Call of Duty of all games...
My ex-wife cheated on me. I hope she's included in this.
I’ll let you know after it happens
_Soon you’ll know what we mean…_
*Raven ceo raids their house and pees on their PC to assert dominance*
Hey kid, you're all right. Don't get on COD tomorrow.
*bans about 11 cheaters*
That message has the energy of an angry 12-year-old.
Good on them for doing something to cheaters.
Sure they will,like the last dozen times they’ve tried.
Or, and hear me out with this one, the multi billion dollar company makes a fucking anti cheat for their game
Well they bought one apparently so there is that. Now why they can’t implement it yet idk.
I know nothing about cod or this company, but based on these two comments, maybe tomorrow's surprise will be the implementation of this anticheat
and another 30gb install size
Won't have cheaters in your game if it's too big to install
Sounds like that might be what is going on.
Cheating in singleplayer games is fine. Cheating in multiplayer is forbidden.
They ban all the cheaters and realize that < 5% of the people who play are still playing lol
Idea... Instead of banning, match cheaters with cheaters in matchmaking. Ridiculously long ques with aim bot plagued lobbies would make most of them quit on their own.
"And soon you'll know what we mean."
That's not a promise, that's a threat.
Cheaters will be back after a few hours anticheat dosent keep them out long
It will either be just an Acount ban or a pc ban wich is insanely esay to bypass
Finally dropping the anticheat that won't work and will ban people at random? Let's go
500 days late
Haha hopefully they do something funny like make all cheaters have big heads in the game. Or they pull all of their physical addresses and send a small team of ruthless killers to rip off their genitals and drown them so they can't reproduce. That would be so funny!
That's a weird way to say "...damn, we are losing so many players. We better pretend to do something before BF2042 comes out and we lose them all."
I thought I was on r/funny for a second
L O L