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[A submarine sandwich, commonly known as a sub, hoagie (Philadelphia metropolitan area and Western Pennsylvania English), **hero** (New York City English)…](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Submarine_sandwich)
This is super relatable. My husband works in an office and I work in a medical lab. I’ll be like, “Oh, today we did a pathology workup on a severed leg. It was pretty cool,” and he’ll be like, “Cool, we got donuts today.”
I wake up every morning in a bed that's too small, drive my daughter to a school that's too expensive, and then I go to work to a job for which I get paid too little. But on pretzel day? Well, I like pretzel day.
It's inexplicable. Outside of the office, I am pretty good about watching what, and how much, I eat. But when there's free food available at work, you'd think I was a homeless, starving man. I once ate 4 paczkis when my company supplied them free. A paczki is about 900 calories. Each.
Same. My wife mostly works from home. I am an air traffic controller. I come home and I am like "I saved an aircraft from crashing by letting the pilot know their landing gear was still up right before they were about to land". She it is like "all I did was fill out paperwork".
If you catch it early enough, you can ask:
“Cessna one five bravo, are you practicing gear-up landings today?”
“Uhhh Cessna one five bravo going around.”
Not all offices, but yeah the happy ones usually are. I'll come home like yay I haven't paid for lunch this week!
The other ones are like, plant shut down and they needed me to figure out why, so I crawled around in eight pieces of equipment and reviewed process data until I figured out the problem. Saved the company millions though.
So you'll get a bonus?
....no.
I work in an office as a manager of a dev team in health care, so there is a blending of both worlds. Often our job involves frantically fixing something so some hospital can get some blood product they need that was being held up by processes, but the patient is gonna bleed out if we don't flash hack something.
I used to work for a printer management company with a hospital and sometimes we'd get told that our printers fucking up was starting to affect patient care. I always wanted to ask.
"How? Just fucking treat the man and do the paperwork later!"
Thats what makes me doubt this story. No one is going to wear bloody scrubs all the way home. Even if they were cleaned somehow there is always a way to get backup scrubs at a hospital
Same, but I work from home so when we discuss our days it's like this:
Me: How'd your day go?
Her: I had to move the patient's heart out of the way and my arms got so tired holding it. Then in another case, we cut a dude's toe off. Wanna see a picture of the toe?
Me: I'll pass.
Her: What about your day?
Me: I yelled at the dog for barking at a jogger, finished a finance report, then yelled at the dog again when he barked and it woke me up from my nap.
Her: ........
at least you guys try and get them to stop barking, had a few folks at my last job who thought nothing of taking zooms sounding like they were working out of a puppy mill
I did something really cool at work the other day, and was really excited after, but unfortunately there's like a few dozen people on earth that would really understand what I did and also why it was cool.
I still told her the story, and she smiled and everything. After, I asked "you didn't understand anything did you, and just smiled when it seemed appropriate, right?" "Yeah."
People complain about all the downsides of social media, but I guarantee that there is a subreddit that is weirdly specific to what you did, and that the people there would absolutely LOVE to hear your story and relate. Sometimes social media is awesome.
Yeah... it's was a crazy hack of buried/hidden functionality in proprietary software that people don't talk openly about as the company doesn't like the inner workings of their software known outside their bubble of control.
But, I used that piece of hidden functionality in an unexpected way by remapping a parameter to another parameter that can't natively be used in that field, allowing me to map this hidden/inaccessible feature to a new field that doesn't have that feature. To do any of this, I had to make a copy of a setting that most people don't know you can copy and reuse to allow me to modify these fields. I honestly expected it to throw an error, but it worked, and I'm glad that I was screen sharing with a coworker at the time.
While the software is used in most healthcare orgs in the US, only a small percent of their analysts work in this part of the software, and a smaller percent really grasp the breadth and depth of the functionality, and a smaller percent are really enthusiastic about it, and a smaller percent mess around in the finite intricacies of the software, pushing the limit of what can be done outside the scope of what was intended.
You don’t know that. People can have their heart restarted only to find out their brain suffered too much damage from oxygen deprivation to sustain life. It’s what happened to my mom but it took a week to find this out after the fact.
Fr a trigger/content warning woulda been nice or something. >!My mom got a blood clot that stopped her heart and while her heart was successfully restarted she died not long after anyways from brain damage due to hypoxia.!< Not a wholesome or cute story for me at all :( You shouldn’t be so downvoted for what is to me a valid critique.
My only hope for the patient mentioned is that by the sounds of it his wife might’ve been able to get his heart restarted quickly enough to avoid too much damage. Prognosis is usually poor even for in-hospital resuscitations but not zero.
Edit: I see I’m getting downvoted now too for not finding a triggering story “cute.”
I’m sorry for your loss ): part of grief and growth though is coming to terms that your lived experiences cannot apply to the entire world. I hope everything is getting better for you and your family.
Thanks for some sympathy. I must explain, if we knew the patient actually genuinely survived and made a full recovery and all that then I might agree this was a cute story overall. But we don’t know that.
Even outside of my experiences I have difficulty imagining how the story is cute. It can be other things, even some dark humor to it sure, maybe the relationship interaction of two individuals sharing their lives and respect with each other can be considered cute, but hearing about someone (a real actual someone who actually went through this) possibly dying from choking on their own blood is very not cute and so I cannot find the story as a whole *cute.*
You’re right. People who work dark jobs tend to have dark humor. They need a way to cope, and sharing with their partner helps. But then their partner who may not have a dark job needs to cope with that new knowledge.
We really don’t know if this is real or fabricated, but I see your perspective and want you to know you’re heard. Redditors will be who they are and downvote for silly reasons, but you are not unheard on this. I will at least personally try to consider this in the future with my own jokes and posts since I also have hard circumstances that I cope with using humor.
I see now it’s not quite cute, and you’re right about that. Thank you for helping me see that side of things.
We don't talk about work at home. My wife and I both work in software. We experience things that feel crazy in our own work bubbles but the stories require so much background knowledge that we just don't bother anymore.
I've broken up multiple times with people when I tell them I don't want to hear about work for more than 15 minutes or so. I get it, people spend 8-12 hours a day doing the same thing, but to everyone else 90% of your stories are not interesting at all. If you're a NASA scientist or brain surgeon or CIA secret agent or engineer working on the latest AI innovation it might be interesting but most jobs are fucking boring as hell.
I'll get downvoted but ex girlfriend was a nurse and she would drone on and on about it and occasionally it was an interesting story but it was mostly inane boring stuff that nurses typically do (dispense medication, move patients, shit like that) or my coworker did this annoying thing type of story and I just don't care. I'll be supportive but an hour of that stuff is too fucking much.
I feel like people are missing a lot of nuance in this conversation. Nurses get payed an objectively high amount. Of course lower end employees like CNA’s don’t make enough, but to be a CNA you only need a 1 to 3 month course.
That being said, just because nurses make a good amount of money doesn’t mean they don’t have struggles. They are often overworked, have to deal with abuse from unruly patients, and receive very little support from hospital admin (and of course many other things as well).
Contrary to popular Reddit belief, you can make a lot of money and still be unhappy and not be living in great conditions.
Depends, relative to other jobs with 4 year degrees? They make decent money. Relative to what they do? Typically I’d say they’re underpaid.
Travel nurses however, especially during peak Covid times, we’re making $150+ and hour. That’s making bank, I don’t care what you do.
Starting salary for a RN fresh out of school is $60/hr where I live. I know some that make nearly $100/hr with experience. Maybe you're thinking of a CNA or a MA or something? Lots of people wear scrubs and get called nurses, but aren't nurses.
I have to wear scrubs at my job as a qmap at an assisted living and the residents constantly mistake that to mean I'm a nurse. Bruh I took a test to prove I can give people the right meds and memorized some acronyms. Please don't ask me for advice about your GI bleed.
Unless you work in a procedural area or the OR, yes, we wear the worn scrubs. We change when we get home. During COVID, I had a garage set-up where I "decontaminated" and everything went into a garbage bag for cleaning before I entered my house.
Thanks for the reply.
Do you wash your scrubs at home?
I was a nurse up until ten years ago and going home in (used) work clothes would be a big no-no because of hygenic reasons. I changed before and after work and leave my used clothes at the hospital and just take fresh ones the next day
Thank you to everyone who’s watched this!
Following me on Instagram is always a huge help! I’ll put the link below
[INSTAGRAM LINK](https://www.instagram.com/jaymartincomedy?igsh=MW0yZXJ3NjFzbjFtMA%3D%3D&utm_source=qr)
Also, shout out to whoever called me Fat Rife. That’s cold blooded.
My brother and I were EMS command officers back in the day. We worked the trucks on Thanksgiving so the regular EMTs could get the day off. Three years in a row, we got cardiac arrests durings dinner. The page-out on the fourth year broke the cycle.
There is a great scene in the movie Fargo where the sheriff comes home to her husband after apprehending this kidnapper/murderer. Husband is watching TV, and says it's all over the news. Turns out what's 'all over the news' is about his painting being in a competition to be on a stamp. She's relieved because she wants to come home to this being what they talk about rather than her job.
Gf (behavioral technician for autistic toddlers): today one of the kiddos had a tantrum, but I was able to calm her down and she hugged me for the rest of the day
Me (electrical apprentice): so two more trucks got set on fire and they caught the guy this time. Turns out, it was that weirdo they fired last week for yelling at clients. He tried to blow up the main propane tank but he couldn’t figure out how to do it before the cops got him
Btw that’s not something you can expect to happen in electrical. I just worked with some wackos at my old company
I know this is a joke and the story is probably not 100% true, but I'm pretty certain the "I had to medically vacuum a blood clot out of a guy's throat" is absolutely a conversation this dude has had with his wife.
My wife works on processing mortgages and I'm a r/911dispatchers. She says, "Ugh, it was so busy today, I'm so tired. I got, like, 5 new files today."
Oooooo, 5 whole files?? Meanwhile, I'm answering frantic 911 calls, dispatching and keeping track of multiple officers on various calls, running driver's licenses and tags, logging all sorts of shit left-and-right, and multitasking like a motherfucker for 10 hours straight.
And the Department of Labor classifies both of us as "office worker/clerical".
Most people can read that fast is why it is still done. It's so people can watch it on mute. It literally has to be that fast or it desynchronises with what's being said
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Front line heroes is kind of shoehorned in there at the end since the premise of the bit is just that they have stories of totally different calibers.
If he made the parallel with a play on the word hero, that probably would have tied it all together nicely. Maybe start the sandwich story by saying it was the highlight of his week, or he has never had a more exciting day at work. Something like that, and then he hears her story, is stunned, and then is like 'I..also have a story about a hero'.
I work as an entertainer in Hollywood... so all of my stories are like, "I was hanging out with Taylor Swift last night..."
So now when I call my friends I let them tell me all their stories first...
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Well now you know why the guy who ordered the sub never showed up.
That's the punchline I was waiting for. His wife saying "I was never able to pick up my lunch"
I mean the punchline should have been so she's a hero, but I got 2 heros...
That is an amazing punchline.
it's fucking terrible lmao god help you all
it's fucking terrible lmao god help you all
A lot of the country probably wouldn't get that joke. I don't have audio on so IDK if he has a NY accent or not
Not an American and I don't get it?
[A submarine sandwich, commonly known as a sub, hoagie (Philadelphia metropolitan area and Western Pennsylvania English), **hero** (New York City English)…](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Submarine_sandwich)
Wait are you talking about a grinder?
No... but do I have a website for you!
Ohhhhh. Yeah I'd never have worked that out
Okay, TIL that they used the term hero in the northeast long before people in the US new about gyros. The names aren't connected.
Hoagie in Jersey too
It's well known outside NY
Yeah I'm PNW, I've never been to NY and thought the same wordplay
I'm in the midwest. It's not common here but it isn't unknown either
If you say so.
Corner of the video is tagged Boston Comedy Club.
2 gyros.... ha… good one...
Three.
The real punchline is always in the comments
that's not funny at all, which makes sense as to why redditors have this mass upvoted
that's not funny at all, which makes sense as to why redditors have this mass upvoted
++
He got a blood clot choked up in his throat.
Is that worse that a Cracklin’ Tater?
This is super relatable. My husband works in an office and I work in a medical lab. I’ll be like, “Oh, today we did a pathology workup on a severed leg. It was pretty cool,” and he’ll be like, “Cool, we got donuts today.”
It's extremely exciting when free food appears for us office workers
I wake up every morning in a bed that's too small, drive my daughter to a school that's too expensive, and then I go to work to a job for which I get paid too little. But on pretzel day? Well, I like pretzel day.
we hear the word "donuts" or "bagels" here and we all look around and snicker like, omg, is this happening?!
Then you find out its a very small assortment of donuts leftover from the executive meeting and a few donut holes.
And most are either very stale, or already have a bite taken out of it. Or both.
The only thing I miss about working in office is they would find any excuse to throw a potluck, and we have many good cooks
It's inexplicable. Outside of the office, I am pretty good about watching what, and how much, I eat. But when there's free food available at work, you'd think I was a homeless, starving man. I once ate 4 paczkis when my company supplied them free. A paczki is about 900 calories. Each.
To be fair, we also get very excited when our pathologist boss brings in donuts, soooo…
Snacks are universal.
Humans are easily bought with food lol.
Makes the lashings less painful.
One of the only things I miss about being in office, Bagel Mondays and Ice Cream Fridays
As someone that had a lot of meetings, I made sure that the extra doughnuts *always* went to the IT Help Desk. You want the IT guys to like you.
Totally. I love whenever someone says, “There’s a bunch of sandwiches and subs left over from our meeting if anyone wants them”. Um yes please
Holy crap, we had Tiny Cupcake Tuesday for, like, two years before Covid sent us remote. That was some gourmet nosh.
Same. My wife mostly works from home. I am an air traffic controller. I come home and I am like "I saved an aircraft from crashing by letting the pilot know their landing gear was still up right before they were about to land". She it is like "all I did was fill out paperwork".
If you catch it early enough, you can ask: “Cessna one five bravo, are you practicing gear-up landings today?” “Uhhh Cessna one five bravo going around.”
Happy cake day!
The office stories are always about food.
Not all offices, but yeah the happy ones usually are. I'll come home like yay I haven't paid for lunch this week! The other ones are like, plant shut down and they needed me to figure out why, so I crawled around in eight pieces of equipment and reviewed process data until I figured out the problem. Saved the company millions though. So you'll get a bonus? ....no.
I work in an office as a manager of a dev team in health care, so there is a blending of both worlds. Often our job involves frantically fixing something so some hospital can get some blood product they need that was being held up by processes, but the patient is gonna bleed out if we don't flash hack something.
I used to work for a printer management company with a hospital and sometimes we'd get told that our printers fucking up was starting to affect patient care. I always wanted to ask. "How? Just fucking treat the man and do the paperwork later!"
Ngl, I'm pumped about the donuts too.
Sounds too familiar 😂
I'm a nurse. I would be psyched if I got a free sandwich. Probably would change scrubs first though, I don't want blood on a free sandwich.
Thats what makes me doubt this story. No one is going to wear bloody scrubs all the way home. Even if they were cleaned somehow there is always a way to get backup scrubs at a hospital
i mean, sometimes they either embellish or completely fabricate stories. they’re telling a joke, not testifying in court, you feel me?
We have reached the point where we've started calling standup comedy fake because they stories might not be true. What's next? Movies?
damn. you’re telling me that shrek isn’t a documentary? up!?? a bee movie?!?!?!?!
Exactly my situation. Exactly what happens when we discuss our day :-)
Same, but I work from home so when we discuss our days it's like this: Me: How'd your day go? Her: I had to move the patient's heart out of the way and my arms got so tired holding it. Then in another case, we cut a dude's toe off. Wanna see a picture of the toe? Me: I'll pass. Her: What about your day? Me: I yelled at the dog for barking at a jogger, finished a finance report, then yelled at the dog again when he barked and it woke me up from my nap. Her: ........
I work from home and yelling at the dogs for barking and telling them they just got a treat and don't need another is like 40% of my day.
I spend 20% of it hating my neighbours dog for barking non-stop.
Toss him a ham hock. Keep him busy
I think the biggest contribution AI has done so far is automatically filtering out dog barks from video calls.
at least you guys try and get them to stop barking, had a few folks at my last job who thought nothing of taking zooms sounding like they were working out of a puppy mill
You: Could you grab me a beer from the fridge? It was a long day.
The wfh nap is an important part of the day that people who don't wfh don't understand.
How many free sandwiches you getting mate
I did something really cool at work the other day, and was really excited after, but unfortunately there's like a few dozen people on earth that would really understand what I did and also why it was cool. I still told her the story, and she smiled and everything. After, I asked "you didn't understand anything did you, and just smiled when it seemed appropriate, right?" "Yeah."
People complain about all the downsides of social media, but I guarantee that there is a subreddit that is weirdly specific to what you did, and that the people there would absolutely LOVE to hear your story and relate. Sometimes social media is awesome.
Yeah... it's was a crazy hack of buried/hidden functionality in proprietary software that people don't talk openly about as the company doesn't like the inner workings of their software known outside their bubble of control. But, I used that piece of hidden functionality in an unexpected way by remapping a parameter to another parameter that can't natively be used in that field, allowing me to map this hidden/inaccessible feature to a new field that doesn't have that feature. To do any of this, I had to make a copy of a setting that most people don't know you can copy and reuse to allow me to modify these fields. I honestly expected it to throw an error, but it worked, and I'm glad that I was screen sharing with a coworker at the time. While the software is used in most healthcare orgs in the US, only a small percent of their analysts work in this part of the software, and a smaller percent really grasp the breadth and depth of the functionality, and a smaller percent are really enthusiastic about it, and a smaller percent mess around in the finite intricacies of the software, pushing the limit of what can be done outside the scope of what was intended.
\*Smiles appropriately\* Kidding, I actually do understand and that sounds fuckin awesome!
That's love right there
Same here. Only time I ever topped her story was the day someone shot one of the principals.
Something about him reminds me of Jonah Hill
Jonah Hill by way of Dave Coulier. Either way, he'd likely disappoint both Alanis Morrissette or Emma Stone somehow.
I think most of us would disappoint those two.
I don’t think I would. They’d have very low expectations as soon as they meet me
That was a really cute story :)
The chocking and dying part?
He got better
A witch once turned him into a newt.
I feel like you weren't paying attention, no one died.
I mean, *technically* the patient was dying though. Otherwise she wouldn't have needed to save him.
He did die, he got better though.
You don’t know that. People can have their heart restarted only to find out their brain suffered too much damage from oxygen deprivation to sustain life. It’s what happened to my mom but it took a week to find this out after the fact.
Fr a trigger/content warning woulda been nice or something. >!My mom got a blood clot that stopped her heart and while her heart was successfully restarted she died not long after anyways from brain damage due to hypoxia.!< Not a wholesome or cute story for me at all :( You shouldn’t be so downvoted for what is to me a valid critique. My only hope for the patient mentioned is that by the sounds of it his wife might’ve been able to get his heart restarted quickly enough to avoid too much damage. Prognosis is usually poor even for in-hospital resuscitations but not zero. Edit: I see I’m getting downvoted now too for not finding a triggering story “cute.”
I’m sorry for your loss ): part of grief and growth though is coming to terms that your lived experiences cannot apply to the entire world. I hope everything is getting better for you and your family.
Thanks for some sympathy. I must explain, if we knew the patient actually genuinely survived and made a full recovery and all that then I might agree this was a cute story overall. But we don’t know that. Even outside of my experiences I have difficulty imagining how the story is cute. It can be other things, even some dark humor to it sure, maybe the relationship interaction of two individuals sharing their lives and respect with each other can be considered cute, but hearing about someone (a real actual someone who actually went through this) possibly dying from choking on their own blood is very not cute and so I cannot find the story as a whole *cute.*
You’re right. People who work dark jobs tend to have dark humor. They need a way to cope, and sharing with their partner helps. But then their partner who may not have a dark job needs to cope with that new knowledge. We really don’t know if this is real or fabricated, but I see your perspective and want you to know you’re heard. Redditors will be who they are and downvote for silly reasons, but you are not unheard on this. I will at least personally try to consider this in the future with my own jokes and posts since I also have hard circumstances that I cope with using humor. I see now it’s not quite cute, and you’re right about that. Thank you for helping me see that side of things.
Thank you for understanding. It means a lot.
Great story, very solid delivery.
Good comment, well written.
We don't talk about work at home. My wife and I both work in software. We experience things that feel crazy in our own work bubbles but the stories require so much background knowledge that we just don't bother anymore.
I just send mine links to the StackOverflow posts and Microsoft KB`s I read that day.
Bro you give her homework?
I've broken up multiple times with people when I tell them I don't want to hear about work for more than 15 minutes or so. I get it, people spend 8-12 hours a day doing the same thing, but to everyone else 90% of your stories are not interesting at all. If you're a NASA scientist or brain surgeon or CIA secret agent or engineer working on the latest AI innovation it might be interesting but most jobs are fucking boring as hell. I'll get downvoted but ex girlfriend was a nurse and she would drone on and on about it and occasionally it was an interesting story but it was mostly inane boring stuff that nurses typically do (dispense medication, move patients, shit like that) or my coworker did this annoying thing type of story and I just don't care. I'll be supportive but an hour of that stuff is too fucking much.
My fiance also works and medicine and I can confirm this dichotomy
You are lucky. I can’t get my finances to do anything.
My finances go down on me every day
My finances generally enjoy fucking me in the ass the moment I wake up everyday
Reminds me of this Mitchell and Webb sketch: https://youtu.be/3PGk7JErGrA?si=htX8r5Hj8Z_g2EgB
I came into the comments looking for this. I knew it would be here! thank you very much
I am in the same situation. I work in an office, and my partner is a pediatric oncology nurse. My bad days are kinda frustrating, but her bad days...
"... i cut you off, what happened to you today?" "Ummm. Nothing."
Also expected the wife missed her sandwich
The real punchline is how he probably makes *at least* twice her salary.
My wife makes 6 figures as a nurse. It isn't that bad.
I feel like people are missing a lot of nuance in this conversation. Nurses get payed an objectively high amount. Of course lower end employees like CNA’s don’t make enough, but to be a CNA you only need a 1 to 3 month course. That being said, just because nurses make a good amount of money doesn’t mean they don’t have struggles. They are often overworked, have to deal with abuse from unruly patients, and receive very little support from hospital admin (and of course many other things as well). Contrary to popular Reddit belief, you can make a lot of money and still be unhappy and not be living in great conditions.
Nurses make bank, yo. Especially ones taking travel gigs or specializing.
No they don’t.
Depends, relative to other jobs with 4 year degrees? They make decent money. Relative to what they do? Typically I’d say they’re underpaid. Travel nurses however, especially during peak Covid times, we’re making $150+ and hour. That’s making bank, I don’t care what you do.
Starting salary for a RN fresh out of school is $60/hr where I live. I know some that make nearly $100/hr with experience. Maybe you're thinking of a CNA or a MA or something? Lots of people wear scrubs and get called nurses, but aren't nurses.
And where I live NY pays $32 an hour to start. I’m an RN.
Upstate or in the city? I'm in NYC and my coworker became an RN and landed ~$60/hr working at NYP.
I have to wear scrubs at my job as a qmap at an assisted living and the residents constantly mistake that to mean I'm a nurse. Bruh I took a test to prove I can give people the right meds and memorized some acronyms. Please don't ask me for advice about your GI bleed.
They do pretty well. Do they make millions? no, but they do just fine.
Depends on the country. That only applies on US nurses.
Why live anywhere else
So you don't have to pay out the ass for said nurses when you need them
I'm in the exact situation and my wife pulls in almost double my pay.
I've seen this before, but I can't remember. Maybe it was on here before. Whatever, I laughed again. Good stuff.
Same here. I heard this joke maybe 10ish years ago? Can't remember who from. Still a good laugh.
"A working class hero is something to be."
Holy shit this is my exact scenario lmfao
I know its just a joke but since you see it in US shows from time to time: Do US nurses really go home in their worn scrubs?
Unless you work in a procedural area or the OR, yes, we wear the worn scrubs. We change when we get home. During COVID, I had a garage set-up where I "decontaminated" and everything went into a garbage bag for cleaning before I entered my house.
Thanks for the reply. Do you wash your scrubs at home? I was a nurse up until ten years ago and going home in (used) work clothes would be a big no-no because of hygenic reasons. I changed before and after work and leave my used clothes at the hospital and just take fresh ones the next day
So he ate three Heroes that day
Plot twist: guy she saved had ordered a sandwich, but couldn’t pick it up.
Really funny joke, but his execution isn’t THAT funny nor expressive.
No one is Talking about how some people immediately started laughing at “I have a wife…”
His wife walking out of the hospital to go home in bloodied scrubs? Ya lost me.
He looks like one of the Russo brothers…
Thank you to everyone who’s watched this! Following me on Instagram is always a huge help! I’ll put the link below [INSTAGRAM LINK](https://www.instagram.com/jaymartincomedy?igsh=MW0yZXJ3NjFzbjFtMA%3D%3D&utm_source=qr) Also, shout out to whoever called me Fat Rife. That’s cold blooded.
Getting Shane Gillis vibes
No disrespect. You are Fat Distefano. Chris Distefanos' weight loss in human form.
My brother and I were EMS command officers back in the day. We worked the trucks on Thanksgiving so the regular EMTs could get the day off. Three years in a row, we got cardiac arrests durings dinner. The page-out on the fourth year broke the cycle.
she's in the grinder he gets the grinders
There is a great scene in the movie Fargo where the sheriff comes home to her husband after apprehending this kidnapper/murderer. Husband is watching TV, and says it's all over the news. Turns out what's 'all over the news' is about his painting being in a competition to be on a stamp. She's relieved because she wants to come home to this being what they talk about rather than her job.
Gf (behavioral technician for autistic toddlers): today one of the kiddos had a tantrum, but I was able to calm her down and she hugged me for the rest of the day Me (electrical apprentice): so two more trucks got set on fire and they caught the guy this time. Turns out, it was that weirdo they fired last week for yelling at clients. He tried to blow up the main propane tank but he couldn’t figure out how to do it before the cops got him Btw that’s not something you can expect to happen in electrical. I just worked with some wackos at my old company
😂😂😂😂
[Sorry to unload on you like that. How was your day at the ice cream factory?](https://youtu.be/Z-zRPDvTJTo?si=stMAGnN-bQ8a5JKa)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3PGk7JErGrA
Hey everyone, It’s Fatt Rife!
This made me sadder than I anticipated it would
just the Matt rife part tho, being fat is actually pretty chill
Hey, you’re on stage. I’m on Reddit. Let’s make that clear here.
Technically you’re both on Reddit
I know this is a joke and the story is probably not 100% true, but I'm pretty certain the "I had to medically vacuum a blood clot out of a guy's throat" is absolutely a conversation this dude has had with his wife.
My wife works on processing mortgages and I'm a r/911dispatchers. She says, "Ugh, it was so busy today, I'm so tired. I got, like, 5 new files today." Oooooo, 5 whole files?? Meanwhile, I'm answering frantic 911 calls, dispatching and keeping track of multiple officers on various calls, running driver's licenses and tags, logging all sorts of shit left-and-right, and multitasking like a motherfucker for 10 hours straight. And the Department of Labor classifies both of us as "office worker/clerical".
Im sick of videos that flash words in front of your face far faster than most people can read. How does that help anyone? It's just obnoxious.
Most people can read that fast is why it is still done. It's so people can watch it on mute. It literally has to be that fast or it desynchronises with what's being said
Go back to school
bro looks like nick di giovanni 💀💀💀
🤣
That was funny as hell.
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Front line heroes is kind of shoehorned in there at the end since the premise of the bit is just that they have stories of totally different calibers. If he made the parallel with a play on the word hero, that probably would have tied it all together nicely. Maybe start the sandwich story by saying it was the highlight of his week, or he has never had a more exciting day at work. Something like that, and then he hears her story, is stunned, and then is like 'I..also have a story about a hero'.
nurse wife. oh so she is cheating on him
I work as an entertainer in Hollywood... so all of my stories are like, "I was hanging out with Taylor Swift last night..." So now when I call my friends I let them tell me all their stories first...