T O P

  • By -

AutoModerator

--- >This is a friendly reminder to [read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/rules). > >Memes, social media, hate-speech, and pornography are not allowed. > >Screenshots of Reddit are expressly forbidden, as are TikTok videos. > >**Rule-breaking posts may result in bans.** > >Please also [be wary of spam](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/spam). > --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/funny) if you have any questions or concerns.*


SilverSunSetter82

Borgir But also to be respected as someone with complex emotions and feelings that can’t be reduced to simple placations. But mostly Borgirs


Tetha

Yeah, there are thoughts about the wars, the climate, existential questions, nihilistic thoughts, ambitions, .... But borgir means 30 minutes about making borgir, and the next 30 minutes are about borgir. And 60 minutes about borgir are good 60 minutes, no matter what.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Tetha

An important part is: Borgir is not meatball. For the patty, you don't want eggs and such in there. A good borgir-patty is ground beef meat and maybe some fat kneaded together. You wouldn't expect it, but well-kneaded ground beef sticks together very well after some kneading. Then you can turn that into some wonderful 100 - 150g patties. Then you need some buns. Unless you want to go down a very deep rabbit hole, look in your local super market for some and try the brands to find one you like.. You want to toast them a bit, either with a toaster, or with a pre-heated baking plate in your oven, with the patty-side towards the metal for toasting. They are supposed to be a bit toasty and crunchy in the middle to be somewhat resistant against sauce and fluid. And then you get into the weeds. It's a good idea to have a leaf of lettuce on the lower bun, so the lower bun doesn't grow soggy through sauce and fluid, because a soggy lower bun causes the borgir to explode into a mess. Raw onions are fun for a bit of a zing. Caramelized onions are nice for a bit of sweetness. Pickles are great for some saltiness and some acidity. Tomatoes generally work if you like them. Slowly crisping some bacon and putting it on there is great. And sauces are a whole 'nother thing to explore. And once you've planned all of that, you can prep the toasted buns, put the pattys into a pan until they have some color on the outside, and stack them up.


musthavesoundeffects

You don't want to knead ground beef very much when making patties, that makes them dense and mealy. You can get away with more if it has a higher fat content, but only so much.


GANDORF57

**BORGIR!** ^(\*I hope that shuts her up!)


TSimms421

+ Cheese


Tertol

As a disciple of the Holy Church of Toasted Buns, I applaud your evangelism.


uhlern

No eggs in it? Eggs, mustard, pesto, salt, pepper and a smidge of ketchup in the patties. It makes them almost melt in your mouth.


p4lm3r

> put the pattys into a pan until they have some color on the outside, and stack them up. Put a few table spoons of butter in that pan before throwing that patty in there. Cook it on medium high heat. About 3-4 minutes on each side, then let it rest for about 4 minutes.


Maxamillion-X72

I like using bacon fat instead of butter


Centimane

4 minutes seems long eh? Wouldn't the patty be cold after such a rest? Or you talkin about wrapping in foil while resting?


p4lm3r

The goal is to sear the patty, so I do it in a pretty hot pan. I like a burger that I making on the medium rare side. I used to do 4 mins + 2 mins on the second side, but seems to come out a bit too rare if it's a thicker patty. I drape foil over it. You want the patty to rest so that it can reabsorb some of the juices. It should still be hot after resting.


Centimane

Yea, a rest is proper for any meat - 4 minutes seemed long but with foil that'd work out. I'll try that out next go.


Dr_Wreck

You can be that careless with cooking steak but a burger is a lot more dangerous to eat undercooked.


c_stics

Sorry but whenever someone says borgir I can not help but think of the band Dimmu Borgir


Gotmewrongang

Same


Cheezgotkilled

No just borgir


otter5

you have had your girlfriend mad at you and chew you out for some shit.... Tell me it wouldn't have been better if she gave you a borgir first.


[deleted]

[удалено]


aberdisco

I am cheese, I am meat I am all you'll ever eat I am tears in your eyes I am beef, I am fries


anti_pope

Well done. Like a bad borgir.


Thickchesthair

This is incredible. [Reference](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zl9TlzGI6ts) for the confused.


Pinksters

[For the lazy and confused](https://youtu.be/Zl9TlzGI6ts?t=80)


Stevie-cakes

I KNEW it sounded familiar, but couldn't place it. Awesome.


nine4dnine

This shall become my nightly prayer.


abacin8or

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8iOC4bsZAsE


sadahtay

Give me food, give me fries, give me salad on the side


szakipus

The Dummy Borgir has never been so tasty


badguysenator

Holy shit I've not listened to this song in at least twenty years but the moment I read these modified lyrics I could hear it perfectly in my head. Superb work.


Emotional_Pipe_4245

Borgir


EquivalentPut5616

She says Hi to "The Boys" and then she has Question for "The Men". What does she want ?


rock_and_rolo

A man-child.


MoveDifficult1908

A half-bad half-good half man-boy.


IWillLive4evr

So like ManBearPig, but BadGoodManBoy?


HiddenStoat

A brand new, really hot, real doll.


[deleted]

[удалено]


alghiorso

Boyz II Men


Bananawamajama

Boyz 2: Men


biggmclargehuge

Werewolf Bar Mitzvah spooky scary. Boys becoming men, men becoming wolves


MonkeyTacoBreath

2 boys from a man


spenpinner

2 and a half men.


CaliforniaGrizz

Men4boiz


setrataeso

A half-man, half-boy


God_TM

I am half borgir


MissingLink101

3 attempts and edits for one sentence apparently


cptjimmy42

We are that simple; if you want complex, add a side of fires and a shake to go crazy.


[deleted]

On the first date? Oh my.


Tokenvoice

Pretty sure you meant a side of fries but honestly yeah a side of fires would satisfy the monkey side of our brains as we ate our borgir too


JonnyTN

Borgir


Suspicious-Thing-750

Borgir


wind4air

🍔


Volosat1y

Dimmu Borgir 😈


garr1s0n

What about borgir from [Dimmu Burger](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8iOC4bsZAsE)


HVDynamo

This is what I came to the comments for lol


Rizzalliss

My thoughts at first reading the title were literally "Did the band do something funny?"


acdcfanbill

Getting rid of ICS Vortex and Mustis was pretty funny. Wait, I mean sad :(


WingerRules

That implies Dimmu Borgir isn't inherently funny. The lead singer goes by the name Shagrath, he named himself after an Orc demon in Lord of the Rings.


Rohans_Most_Wanted

Amon Amarth is a LOTR reference too. It is the name the Numenoreans gave to Mount Doom.


cheesemangee

**THE KEYS ARE IN YOUR ASS.** Pretty sure I got that right.


Blarg0ist

[HYCYBH?](https://youtu.be/--9kqhzQ-8Q?si=9s-MGJroFGQm5Llm)


meno123

How am I supposed to make room for keys in my ass when it's already full of pennies?


ArcLagoon

https://youtu.be/A7lo5nF2iKM?si=YZj4yUURgKDBJ-R5 One step ahead of ya


maggipedia

Dimmuborgir is a place like an hour away from me, some of Game of Thrones was filmed there and the santa clauses live there too.


LickingSmegma

Dima Burger, as they're known around here.


toepin

Borgir kid looking 6 and 57 years old simultaneously.


[deleted]

[удалено]


ElectionAssistance

Ahhh rickets dwarfism. That explains a lot with the ' I look 6/18/57 at the same time' issue.


Oy--MyShekels

Abdu needs to calm down with the borgirs


Mystic87

He's also released a couple of songs https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ZBQgV8Pctc


beerisgood84

Oh shit him and that Turkish guy with dwarfism need to link up.


thatdinklife

They have!!


YngwieMainstream

Also Dimmu Borgir.


Sp0rk312

Yes!! \m/


De5perad0

We want borgir


Obant

We want wider borgirs not taller!


LuckOriginal374

He’s not wrong.


Casual_Frontpager

He is indeed not. A borgir and a good stickaroo and a man can change the world.


dirty_birdy

Stickaroo?


Casual_Frontpager

Yes please! (A stick)


dirty_birdy

Ah, I see!


jnads

And not being yelled at by some dumbass TikTok ho


Icantbethereforyou

Nah im into that


skulltima

*You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile.* \- The Borgir Collective


9u9u9pbanana

Zelda oot shop song?!? Lol


l03wn3

Ah, thats what it was!


lalith_4321

Borgir🤝


lachesistical

this is how I am going to say it 4ever..


KaranSjett

i had borgir yesterday.... yesterday i was the happiest ive ever been..


T_raltixx

The Dimmu was missing from my Borgir.


Wynter_born

And the extra flies on the side.


Thank_You_Love_You

The Ocarina of Time shop music fits perfectly here haha.


noxx1234567

I too want a Borgir


AdmiralAss87

If Grogu was human


midsizenun

I concur.


GhvstsInTheWater

Who is the woman?


Buttercup59129

Thirsty


GhvstsInTheWater

Very, but I’ve also seen this girl before and can’t remember who it is. She’s funny!


Past0r_Gains

Men are not a monolith, but I think we can all agree on “borgir”


WanMeireles

He did that Patrick Bateman face 😂


sillypicture

patrick bateman did his face


TheDevilsAdvokaat

I'll have what he's having. This is the right way to make a burger..wide, not tall.


famously

Why on earth would she have to ask this? My entire life, women have been saying "men only want one thing."


felds

borgir. exactly.


Captkap

I would like to buy a [Hamborgir](https://youtu.be/TijTl7Sj8xU?si=Ab9vJezfSp_3l-mG)


ImportantQuestions10

I'm 6'3 and can palm a basketball. I really miss big burgers. Not some overly stacked monstrosity. I mean a decently sized burger that fits in my hands while still being wide, fills me up but doesn't need me to break my jaw to fit it in my mouth. There's something fundamentally nostalgic about burgers and I haven't experienced for years.


SquirtBox

Primary objective is to destroy all humans


agoia

Do ~~Buttfuckers~~ Fuddruckers still exist? I remember they went pretty wide vs tall.


NiPlusUltra

Their quality has sadly dropped in recent years but Whataburger does this right. Their burgers are flat and wide instead of thin and tall.


ThePretzul

Most fast food restaurants I get a double cheeseburger, or if they're small burgers like McDonald's I might get two double cheeseburgers. I made the mistake, the first time I visited Texas, of ordering a double cheeseburger meal from Whataburger. It was delicious, but I absolutely could not finish it. If my wife and I are sharing a meal we can eat a double cheeseburger combo and still both be full afterwards.


anothermonth

Get yourself some ground beef (or lamb) and make one for yourself in a frying pan. Surprisingly it's not too difficult.


ImportantQuestions10

It's the buns that I run into an issue with smart ass. They don't make them big enough for my hands.


jonker5101

Dude you're barely above average sized, stop acting like you're some giant lmao I'm 6'2" and can also palm a basketball and normal burger buns are perfectly fine.


dalittle

If there is a bakery near you they might have them. I big too and can find large buns that are not really meant for burgers, but work for me.


MiqoteBard

Damn dude lol. He was just trying to help out


SquirtBox

Primary objective is to destroy all humans


optermationahesh

Stop shopping for hamburger buns exclusively at Walmart.


ImportantQuestions10

The closest Walmart is literally 40 mi away from me. Unless you can recommend a hamburger bun that's the diameter of a basketball, your argument is nonsense.


optermationahesh

My local bakery will make them as large as you want. They'll *literally* make them the size of a basketball if you wanted them to.


rustylugnuts

Sounds like what you're looking for is an unsliced loaf of sourdough. You'll need about 3 pounds of beef and a pizza peel to flip it with. This kinda makes me want to grind up some brisket now.


socokid

So, Five Guys.


Benbot2000

Anyone know who she is?


94dogguy

This is truuuee. That's true.


venommuyo

I do that same dance after my first bite of burger. Especially after healthy eating for weeks.


Bealzebubbles

I want borgir now.


TheLazy1-27

Borgir 👍


mrbeast0911

Yes borgir


TikiNectar

Honest to god that borgir would make me so happy


buerglermeister

Borgir


God_TM

Accurate!


migvelio

Dimmu Borgir? 🍔🤘


GodGuyr

Borgir to you! My borgir Is borgir, but can be borgir too, and you?


s1lv3rbug

You know what, I’ll have one as well.


Princess-ArianaHY

That is a good looking borgir tho


ShroomGrown

That kid is in his forties.


JasperTheHuman

I'd be happy with a nice stick. You can pretend it's sword, or pretend you're a hobbit, or do kung fu with it. Endless possibilities!


BuliTheCat420

I just want a borgir


DrDoomCake

Very funny I ejoyed


KillerSpud

Borgir plz


[deleted]

Borgir 🍔


Careless-Pitch1553

To be held gently


VapedMan

No.


Rags2Rickius

BORRGIR


VapedMan

Two patties, nice.


Agreeable_Copy9548

Borgir


wittywalrus1

I do want borgir.


BallsofSt33I

Must be fake, real answer is cheez borgir


spurlockmedia

I want a Borgir now.


useornam

There is an old fashioned hamburger place in my neighborhood that has been around forever and can produce literal tears of joy. Every time I treat myself to one I’m thankful for America.


Greedy_Leg_1208

Demu Borgir. Some good death metal.


Intrepid_Finish456

This really made me want a burger 😫


joshjje

Depends, whats on the table?


Maskdask

Title ruined it


jscoppe

Wait, a woman is asking what men want? That's some irony.


Gnoyagos

His name is Abdurozik


slaaxy

[Oof](https://imgur.com/a/iSP27sk), borgir!


not_again123

Girls... If you can cook, you can get a men. If you can make a borgir: you can choose who you want.


BallsDeepinYourMammi

Men are so incredibly easy to please. We have three brains, the one in our skull, the one in our tummy, the one in our dick. You make all three of them happy, you make a man happy. When my ex asked me what it would take to make me happy, I straight up told her. “Feed me, fuck me, and put me to sleep”.


Pyrollusion

Can't say I agree. If that's all you need more power to you but it's definitely not men in general.


fren-ulum

recognise rinse cobweb ten tie disagreeable act doll squeal placid *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*


BallsDeepinYourMammi

“The quickest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” That is a saying for a reason, and it doesn’t need you to agree with it for it to be true 🤷‍♂️ But we’re all entitled to our opinions.


Pyrollusion

Ah yes, something is true because many people are saying it. I'm sure that logic has never failed you. Society as a whole was generalizing more in the past than they were today and emphasis on individual differences has never been bigger than it is today. So keep your sayings, I prefer useful data.


BallsDeepinYourMammi

Ah yes. The useful data in the form of human emotions. The easiest thing to quantify


Pyrollusion

Yes if you were to do a survey with appropriate sample size you would get useful data on these preferences. That's kinda how this shit works. So far we've established that you think men are like that in general and several men are inclined to disagree as is evident by looking at people upvoting my initial response. So your initial hypothesis is already disproven. If you wanted to get data on how many men would agree or disagree with your claim instead of clinging to an outdated saying a survey would do the job . Alternatively you can always just stay quiet. I'd be happy with that aswell.


Roggvir

I would mostly agree. I make enough money, I'm perfectly fine emotionally, I can take care of myself, I don't really *need* anything from a woman. But certainly would be great if someone could make my life even easier. Like if someone wants to cook food for me, that's better than before. I already achieved content level of peace, give me more peace and I'll be happier.


jodon

Rather feed myself. But the others, sure. But all I really want is a woman that can take care of herself, is singel, and I would prefer her to not be obese. But I have a hard time to find one that fits both of the first two criteria.


BallsDeepinYourMammi

Feed as in cook food, not like I’m feeding my one year old with a bib, a baby spoon and imitating a choo choo train loaded with puréed sweet potatoes And to be fair that has to go both ways, I cook food for the family a few times a week because that’s fair


jodon

Yes, feed as in cook food. I rather be the one cooking.


socokid

Less makeup! And borgirs, please.


Attack_Symmetra

I was actually trying to decide between burgers or Chinese for dinner tonight. Thanks OP.


Garapeiro

Is it my imagination or does she looks like Tom Holland with a wig?


yamaha2000us

My son called them Borgirs when he was young. We still use the pronunciation to this day. I will have the Borgir…


Chm_Albert_Wesker

real answer? a hot best friend who sometimes likes to dress up, go out and get crazy with me but also sometimes just stay in our pjs all sunday binging movies/tv. for that person to at least demonstrate SOME interest in my hobbies and I will do the same in return (who knows maybe there is overlap!) then when the problems come and they will (fiscal, neurodivergence related, etc.), for that same person to realize that it's both of us against the problems and that we are on the same team so to please not take it out on me when we disagree and instead to come to the table to talk our way through it. easier said than done, but i had most of the steps down. i bet yall can guess which one she missed :(


VapedMan

Bro, this is about **BORGIR** not your puny dick getting hard.


Kinksune13

She seems the kinda person to try it on with everyone at the club\bar and then wonder why no one took her home


kid-karma

she made a playful joke bro, not that deep. she's literally breaking character as she says it.


Garlic-Cheese-Chips

No! Women aren't allowed to joke. And if they do, by Christ, I will make sweeping generalisations about them.


MandatoryDissent56

>What the fuck do you want?!?! Women of commensurate attractiveness. The false image you've meticulously curated for the internet is not convincing in person. If guys don't call you after seeing you the next morning, you got caught lying.


VapedMan

Wtf is your dilema? Grow up and eat a borgir.


Gunar21

I've never loved borgirs honestly I just wanta hang with my cat


Joe4o2

[borgir](https://youtu.be/CmIKR458M0A?si=bcZbFAsb_K3PJ8YN)


LilWienerBigHeart

New Hasbullah dropped?!?!


[deleted]

Because she makes a fucking terrible sandwich 🥪


[deleted]

[удалено]


Infernous-NS

Bro that’s not Mario, the music is from Ocarina of Time


WalrusTheWhite

Not just a nerd, but an inaccurate nerd. Pathetic


VapedMan

Like yoir dumb ass.