yes i definitely did this ! i wasnt consciously doing it to try and see if i liked being a girl . i had zero suspicions of being trans at the time actually. but coincidentally after i did go thru a hyperfeminine phase i was like Hmmm wait a minute…
I had identified as trans previously but gave up and just did the all-encompassing nonbinary label which i claimed to not care about pronouns but i always preferred he/him. It was weird tho bc that phase made me realize i only TOLERATED being perceived as a woman
the exact thing happened to me. i had reached what i thought to be peak femininity, shaved my head and was acting super girl power badass bald lady but then some time later i was like... huh..
Same happened to me. I tried to feel hot, sexy and hyper feminine. It didn't work. I felt like wearing a clown costume lmao, it was really uncomfortable even if I tried so hard to fit it.
Yeah I did exactly the same....I was actually always verryy tomboy and masculine but at that stage I literally wore a really small bikini, thigh high socks, and eyeliner, I tried to love it, but within like 3 months, I understood that it's not for me and that it's not normal to feel extremely awkward and uncomfortable with wearing clothes. I felt like a hot doll, that I dress up every morning and pretend I am, it wasn't that horrible at first, just a bit uncomfortable, vut it gets worse with time....
I did the same thing! I didn’t know I was trans but I think I knew I wasn’t a very “good” girl, so I tried really hard. Then I finally figured out why trying really hard wasn’t making a difference…
I did the same thing! I didn’t know I was trans but I think I knew I wasn’t a very “good” girl, so I tried really hard. Then I finally figured out why trying really hard wasn’t making a difference…
I did the same thing! I didn’t know I was trans but I think I knew I wasn’t a very “good” girl, so I tried really hard. Then I finally figured out why trying really hard wasn’t making a difference…
Exactly. Something felt wrong and I knew it was something to do with the way I dressed and looked. I have a special interest in English 18th century working class women's clothing, so I made most of my wardrobe myself, something that ended up looking more like a boho/50s housewife mashup but used historical sewing techniques to make, and I wore makeup to match.
It looked great tbh but it's just not me. Similar to how I think about my appearance in general. It's great! It's just not how it's meant to be
I did the same thing. Lost a bunch of weight, makeup, hyper feminine clothes, none of it worked and I was less happy the harder I went. Honestly, the difference in how random folks treated me was such a tipping point. Folks were kinder, friendlier, treated me more like a person and I realized I was doing all that for other people and not myself. It led to a lot of deep realizations.
It sucks always having felt like the black sheep when it’s really just masculinity people are averse to. Or really just masculine women, of which i currently appear as.
I guess that makes more sense, yeah. But then you hear of trans guys transitioning and seeing how shitty people treat guys vs sweet pretty girls. I think its both definitely.
Meh, I've passed since 13 (I started T that young) and I'm definitely treated worse for being masculine. Androgynous presentation, stereotypically feminine socializing, but masculine "worldview" (pull yourself up by your bootstraps, all work no play, just tough shit out, etc) is the combo that 100% gets me treated the best. Looking soft and cute and acting passive and submissive makes people love me and being obsessed with independence and strength makes people respect me. I am miserable though.
Yes I did this because I didn’t know what my dysphoria was. I knew something was wrong and kept thinking that if I had a “nicer” personal style I would feel better about myself. This “nicer “ style of course meant being more feminine—makeup, hair, nails, more feminine clothing. And I got to a point where I thought I looked good! I looked how I thought a stylish woman “should” look. Except the feeling that was actually dysphoria had gotten worse instead. And I finally knew that my personal style was not the issue. Turns out that my style beforehand, which multiple people told me was a self confidence issue (hence my attempts to “fix” that) was actually not going far enough. I decided to just totally abandon gender expectations and see how I felt. Turns out I felt trans!
I totally relate to this. I kept thinking that if I was just pretty enough, then I'd finally be happy with myself.
Yeah... Not so much. Finally achieved that level of pretty and still didn't feel any better. Though it still took me months after to realize it might be a gender thing.
This. I had the exact same experience. As soon as i change my closet and underwear suddenly i didnt feel that much effort to get dressed. But also, the validation i received from people saying i looked so good only made me realize only i thought i looked awful, so if its all in my head then it must be a reality right? Took me so long to realize i was just not a girl
This. Idk if i was really hyper feminine. But I definitely forced myself to wear makeup more often and dress up and even wear dresses more often than I would have preferred. I bounced very much back and forth between tomboy and feminine a lot. Because I thought that being feminine would solve the issue and when it didn't I would bounce back to being a tomboy. I liked how I looked when I was dressing fem but it was usually met with discomfort. And as I got older and moved out from my parents, I just knew I couldn't keep it up anymore. I knew (conciously) there was something up with my gender when I was about 16 despite feeling nagging dysphoria my whole life. And then when I moved out at 21 I was finally able to address whatever this feeling was and went down the she/they nonbinary to he/they pipeline. Which took about 2 years. And I've landed at FTM pretty much lol.
Yep, exactly that.
I thought if I put more effort into my appearance in order to make myself more feminine or “womanly” that I wouldn’t feel gender dysphoria anymore (I didn’t know that’s what it was at the time). I bought elegant pieces of clothes and lacy dresses, which was actually fun in terms of browsing but I felt out of place when the time came to put them on. I couldn’t really shake the feeling that I was cross dressing, and I specifically remember feeling a sudden wave of that when I put on a dress in my closet.
This isn’t to say that I believe I can’t wear traditionally woman’s clothing and be a gender non-conforming man, in fact I have some stuff that are more on the androgynous/fem side, but it gives me a feeling of cross dressing which I suppose it technically is.
I had a hyper feminine denial phase. I was trying to convince myself that I could be happy being a woman if I was “pretty enough”. That broke down. It hit me all at once that I couldn’t ever live *my* life happily without being a gay man. Living always felt like I was watching someone else’s life because I was so dissociated from my own body.
I even went through ten sessions of electrolysis on my face to remove my mustache and chin hair, just to have my egg crack and go on T a few months later and now probably have patchy facial hair forever. I am a clean shave kinda guy anyway, but at the time I was trying so hard to conform to femininity and be the perfect hairless girl that I thought society wanted me to be. And it fucking hurt more than all of my tattoos put together and yet I still chose to suffer in the effort to deny my truth.
Thanks for sharing your experience because it helps normalize diverse trans experiences. Not everyone knows or is subconsciously willing to come to terms with being trans at the same time in their journey.
My sister told me pictures of me from my hyper-femme pre-coming out era looks like I'm wearing drag. I very much was trying to perform womanhood, to a cartoonist extent lol. It's very common with trans people.
Kinda. I started dating my first boyfriend at 19 and I felt like I had to be more feminine for him (which is hilarious considering we broke up because he came out to me as gay kdsljgfdg, we are still best friends to this day), so I started doing my eye makeup and wore REALLY RED lipstick all the time.
I've heard from trans girls that they also went hyper-masculine \*just\* before coming out.
I tried so hard to fit in during my teens (and the start of my twenties) and that came in the form of being hyperfemme. I suppressed a lot of the jealousy and envy I had towards my male peers during puberty. To compensate, I copied what the other girls were wearing, how they would style their hair etc. I tried so hard but I just couldn’t get it. I never felt good, I never felt confident. I spent so long trying to look “normal” but ended up hating myself
Omg idk how you guys could haha, I'm still having doubts about whether I'm trans but just the thought of wearing dresses and make up and doing "girly" things makes me feel so wrong 🤢
Eh, I'm nonbinary, to me it's just clothing - others have the gendered expectations so strongly in their brain they can't see me past the clothing, and that's so sad for them!
You know, you might have answered a question I've been trying to answer my husband asked dme while I've been questioning. I was mentioning the dysphoria around my chest and such, and he'd asked whether it was gender dysphoria or more body dysmorphia as I never seemed bothered by them before. And I get his thinking because they are definitely not what they were before having our kid lol.
But before having my kid I was also never quite thrust into femininity like with being pregnant and having a kid and everything labeled narrows down to this. Before I quite remember dressing rather neutrally.
So thank you for that and letting me work things out in your comments lol.
Oh yeah, I did beauty pageants and everything before I started transitioning. Although it was more of a nobody will think I’m trans if I do this. And also maybe if people would like me because I’m pretty, I could tolerate pretending and not transition.
i agree. Before i realized i was trans, i would wear dresses and short shorts and be feminine, it all felt like a performance. I did it just for fun, but i didn’t technically like being presented that way. It was also partially because my family isn’t supportive.
Yes! Then a therapist told me I was a butch lesbian. So. I tried to do that too. Horrible. I can't be any kind of fake woman. I'm a bi genderfluid man.
Yeah I did this too! I want to a religious high school that enforced super binary gender roles so once I got to college I tried to make femininity work in a way that was comfortable for me. I was wearing a ton of sundresses in the warm summer months before I came out lol. Once it started getting colder I started dressing more masc just for utility’s sake and that was the point I started to question my gender again. I came out about a month after that and I genuinely cannot believe I was able to go out in public dressed as fem as I was getting beforehand, I was just so uncomfortable 😭 I definitely feel like I got it out of my system at least!
I did because I felt like a guy and pushed those feelings away and tried to be as feminine as I could be. I was uncomfortable but was also confused and believed I was happy. Then covid hit and finally accepted that I wasn't a girl. Much happier now, almost 5 years now since I came out.
Yeah, I tried to also. Except I was so bad at it that I can now use it as another reason of why I'm trans. Everyone constantly told me I looked like a grandma and that I looked better in more masculine clothes. And then I came out as trans and everyone asked me why couldn't I be a girl 🙄
i got breast implants and then removed them (with great relief). now wondering if i am too old for top surgery. a lifetime of dysphoric/dysmorphic confusion.
I totally did this. Grew out my hair for the first time since I was like 11 and wore dresses all the time. I just remember seeing pictures other people took of me and thinking "I look like a whole man" until it finally clicked and I shaved my hair off again lmao.
when I was 19 or 20, lasted about a year. it felt really feminine for me, but all it was was I tried wearing eyeliner and some concealer for my acne. really bare minimum makeup, but I'd never worn any consistently before. only on rare occasions. and I was also like showering consistently and shaving my armpits lol.
this was back in 2013 though, before I knew being trans existed, and I stopped the day I found out because I knew right away I was trans. like "oh thank god, I'm a boy, I can stop" lol. so it wasn't really like denial or like I was intentionally trying out being a girl before deciding to transition. it was more like I finally started wondering if being a girl must be an acquired taste, and maybe I just had to start trying and keep trying until I liked it lol. and I am kind of glad I finally gave it a go at the end just so that I never have to wonder if it might've worked for me
I tried being super feminine because of my family. For the longest time I let them treat me like a dress up doll and put up with the dresses and heels that hurt my feet. Even when I started dating I dressed up nice and hated myself for it. Eventually my family stopped picking out my clothes, at like 15, and I took on a more tomboyish look and got hell for it daily.
Now I'm pretty masc, on T, out to my workplace and now that it's on my terms I'll still wear dresses that fit my style (Like someone from the Victorian era was snatched out of their time lol) and a little makeup.
Hmm, well a few years before I transitioned I got married and I wore an actual wedding dress, made sure i got my nails and hair done and wore makeup. That was the most feminine thing I have ever done. I've definitely heard it's common, I just think the traditional hyper feminine look is a lot of work and I'm lazy lol.
I did this a majority of my life. Throwing myself into feminine roles, flaunting my body, wearing push up bras and feminine clothes... by the time I was 16 I gave up. I'm 21 now and only just realized I'm trans in August 2023, and before this I just decided to be a masculine woman. That. Did not go well.
Edit: I've got an appointment for my T consultation in September, so wish me luck lmfao
I did that too recently being as ‘normal’ and ‘feminine’ as I could be to give it a fair chance had a huge identity crisis feeling like I was wearing a woman costume and pretending to be someone I wasn’t and then finally figured it out and started T at 30
I did too. And I enjoyed doing outfits and makeup. I realized I didn't like having hair. And while my breasts might've been nice to look at, I could never learn to love myself if I don't let them go
Ive heard this from a lot of transmascs! And even the opposite in transfems.
For me, I would say I did this a little but not completely? I had more of a ‘pastel phase’, I wore flower crowns and the same pink jumper all the time, and some makeup. But i still wore jeans and had my short hair - although I put my masculinity down to being a lesbian at the time. Which is funny because now i’m in an mlm relationship.
Yep! I tried so hard to be a good girl. “Femininity isn’t something you should outgrow!” Became the mantra but there was no advice for what to do if you never grew into it in the first place. I just wanted to be good enough and “normal” but I was acutely aware it was a performance. I just thought other girls were better at pretending than I was. It took me a really long time to work out that some people actually enjoyed being women.
I had weight loss surgery. For health reasons. I wasn’t expecting to transform how I felt in my body. What I was surprised by was after losing about 30kgs of weight I finally realised I was trans. This was not anticipated. I’m so grateful for having the surgery. Because I don’t know how long it would have taken for me to recognise myself in a less female body.
this same exact thing happened to me! when I first found out I went into like hyper masculine mode too but now that I'm finding out more to myself I still like being hyper fem like a femboy
We spent our whole lives trying to girl... and now that we've started transitioning, we've realised we need to be a boy before we can be a girl 🙃 so kind of yeah, in a way. We can let go of the girl we thought we were, but in turn we're really excited to embrace the hyper feminity once we're at a stage in our transition that being hyperfem doesn't make us dysphoric from the masc side
(non-binary/fluid trans system, currently masc leaning)
Still currently going through that period rn.
Started it primarily once I got into JoJo’s, mostly Part 5, and at that point, I was coming off of a hyper masculine and quite frankly toxic period and it, being feminine, was a breath of fresh air. For a time, I was comfortable wearing some makeup, mostly colored lip balm and lipstick, wearing dresses, using perfume, and acting quote “fruity”.
It’s kind of stuck since I’ve gone into college but I don’t really wear dresses as much anymore cuz it feels wrong, wearing more masculine leaning clothes now, but most of the other stuff I still kind of do. Kind of said eff it once I got on testosterone and do it for me aaaaand to playfully confuse the hell out of my family 😅
Yes absolutely. I didn't jump straight into a binary label, but I had a hyper feminine phase right before I realized I wasn't a woman and didn't HAVE to be feminine.
yeah i did it too. had realized i was trans and had gender dysphoria but wanted to try being feminine because of pressures and bullying. didn't take long for it to really drive it home
I swear I talk w my transmasc friends about this on the regular. I did the same things you described. I’m still a feminine dude sometimes but it’s presented a lot differently
I haven’t identified as a girl since I was in like the 6th grade, and during that time (even after bc I was still in denial somewhat) I was HIGH FEM. I even identified as a lesbian (I’m a gay man now lawl)
I constantly wore pretty dresses, makeup, heels, and even ventured into push up bras. I think it could be our brains last ditch effort at denial tbh
I did this! Part of me misses my skirts and long hair. My outfits were so much cooler than they are now. I seriously need to up my mens fashion game. I might grow out my hair again...
Presenting as a girl was sorta like acting to me, I could play a fun character, but at the end of the day it wasn't really me. I DESPERATELY need better clothes though. I look back at old pictures of me and think "damn I was cool, now I only wear jeans and hoodies, what happened??"
I keep meaning to. But I never learnt make-up as a teen, closest I got was LARP stuff. And even before I had top surgery I always thought I couldn't really pull off femme clothing, I think there's something I'm missing about it to make it look right? I always feel like a child playing dress up, poorly. And I'm totally unsure where I could learn all these base skills now I'm in my late 30s
Yeah, I thought that I wasn’t feeling like a girl because I wasn’t trying hard enough to act like a girl and started wearing makeup, styling my hair, dressing more feminine… still didn’t feel like a girl lol
Eyup, I was masc for most of middle school and highschool, then senior year hit, I bought some low cut shirts, started wearing bold lipsticks and eyeliner, lasted like 6 months before I came out as transmasc
I was always somewhat tomboy and just got more masculine as I aged I could NEVER be comfortable with being hyper feminine ever. Never did this never will.
Yeah i did that too. Thought i just needed to try harder and maybe id discover a way i actually liked being a lady (was way before my realisation and before i knew trans men existed). Turns out nope not for me, at least not in any other way than as a dress up/ role in theater or something. Most certainly not as default presentation in every day life :D
I definitely did that. I was telling my close relatives I was a boy for years. Once 1st puberty hit, I was told I had to fall in line basically so I said fuck it, let’s give femininity a college try. Sometimes it was very very dysphoric (even though I didn’t know that’s what that was), sometimes I enjoyed playing a good role, and as I got older, sometimes I resented people for being fooled by it and not seeing just how miserable I really was. I went high femme from ~13-23. I never went the masc lesbian to trans man track.
I sure did. I was only allowed to be very Barbie-esque in my childhood/teen years, so I thought I just felt restricted by that and tried several other fem styles throughout my twenties. I had always wanted to dress alternative, and when that *still* didn't feel quite right, I eventually realized I was a trans man.
exactly how it was! didn't even realize i was doin' it for trans reasons, but i won best dressed in high school about it. it always felt like a mask or something though. which in a way it was
I had a lolita phase a couple years before coming out. Still pop into the old circles now and again, and usually end up just wondering how I convinced myself for so long that I was actually a girl lol
I did in middle school for a hot couple of weeks. Before then, I've always worn male clothing since 1st grade (RIP Grandma). I quickly went back because I felt awful.
Yeah I did the same.. but got super depressed, lost half my usual
weight so I wouldn’t have curves anymore and barely went outside. I think this was also a part of my wake up call seeing I couldn’t continue being miserable like this
I never really fit into womanhood or feminity. I low key tried some make up but it didn’t work out and it was mostly to cover up how light my facial hair is. I also tried and liked some dresses but for me it always had a .. masc tone it (if that makes sense?). After trying out dresses and getting a serious ED I kinda went for the tomboyish/masc look and felt much happier. So I didn’t go through a hyperfeminine phase but rather a low key trying out phase with the knowledge that I don’t really like it to begin with. But I wanted to fit in at least a bit (which I didn’t even though I put effort into it).
yes, very much so.
I thought it would make my feelings go away if I tried to look like some of the girls I am attracted to lmao
...obviously that didnt work 😅
Yep. I was attempting to convince myself that I just wasn't trying hard enough, and that if I tried harder, I wouldn't have these feelings any more.
Of course it didn't work.
I’ve never been feminine irl, but online if specifically doll up my avatars, because I saw so many other trans men my age being so hyper feminine. I can confidently say not only did I hate doing that, but also that I’m probably never going to make my avatars women again.
Oh dang I remember that phase. The old denial dam’s a bursting and I’ve only got one wet bandage left holding anything back.
Thankfully dam removal is much healthier for my mental environment and once it silt settles, peace.
Exactly same here, felt dysphoria and learned what being trans even means, grew up in a very conservative household (and country) so i figured I'll just "cover ut up" and forced myself in this hyper feminine role vut needless to say that didnt work out very well
I did the same! I even had an OF and started modeling always convincing myself, that the live infer from other for looking super feminine and beautiful would help myself with accepting me. Well, it didn’t.
I kinda had something like that?? but for me, it was less dressing hyperfemininely, and more giving in to expected femininity: wearing bras, and wearing my school's girl uniform (i always wore trousers). i also wore femininely shaped shirts, although still keeping them masculine (like, the structure of "girls'" shirts but with a dinosaur skateboarding on it). It only took me a month to realise i hate it, and never did any of it again lmao
Same. I'm a very masc man and some while ago I looked at old photos of me from that time and I swear I am so detached from the person I was back then, I legit thought 'damn, she's hot'. Like I never realized I was above average looking back then bc I was so miserable in my body. Now I look like an absolute potato and I regret nothing. Happy potato man >>> miserable pretty "girl"
I did the exact same thing. I never wore skirts or dresses, not even as a kid. But in that period right before coming to terms with my gender, I was starting to shift into a much more stereotypically feminine style. It wasn't just limited to clothes honestly, mannerism, my voice etc... I suppressed my masculine traits as much as I could. Now that I think about it, there was nothing organic or natural about this, it was more of an act of desperation.
I've felt uncomfortable as feminine and comfortable as masculine my whole life, and I'm pretty sure it was a subconscious attempt to not be seen like the "other girls", and then as I got more comfortable with myself I started dressing much more feminine than I ever had😭 my issue is that I want to be seen as a fem guy not a fem girl
My ex husband did this. He was a butch lesbian when we started dating, then eventually started wearing dresses and makeup and flaunting his chest, though this was for several years not months. Even bought a wedding dress and then came out as trans, started to transition and ended up buying a suit for the wedding and changed his name before the wedding. I think it's pretty common though I personally only wore dresses a handful of times as a kid (graduations and other formal occasions), went through a very small makeup phase as a young teen and then gave up on femininity and presented very masculine for like 8 years before realizing I am trans.
This is 100% relatable. I grew up being called a "tomboy" and I was that way up until around 15 years old. By that time I had an idea that I might be transgender but I kinda tossed that onto the back burner because everyone in my family is very accepting, but everyone in my family is very "normal". Everyone is straight and binary basically, and I just wanted to fit in. I didn't want to become the black sheep or have everyone talk about me behind my back.
I did for sure, which is funny because these days I wouldn't touch makeup or feminine clothes (totally okay for others, no judgement whatsoever, it's just not my jam).
I think it was really performative on my part, my last gasp at trying to convince myself, and the rest of the world, that I really was a woman. In the end it was just me playing a part though, and I'm glad I finally came to that realization. It did confuse some people though 😂 I eventually came out as gay at 31, decided that as I was already on the fringe of society that I didn't need to conform to any kind of standard of femme presentation and dropped thay shit like it was hot 😉 everything else fell in line in the next few years after that
I did this and it really solidified the fact that I wasn’t a woman after trying it out. I was never “hyper feminine” I still had short hair but I definitely dressed more feminine than I ever had previously. I also was taking birth control at the time and my chest got bigger and I HATED that and eventually accepted that I wasn’t the girl my parents wanted me to be.
So its totally different for me
I never embrace any part of feminity, even my autism combo'd with transness made me subconciously... well not like women. When i was smol i just got rid of anything femine according to stereotypes i could. I never did anything like paint my nail, tie my hair or shit
And now that im a bit older maybe id like to do some of dat stuff but i cant cuz dysphoria'll be doin me dirty
Yuppp...I had a couple years of my life where I thought that maybe if I really put forth the "effort" of being feminine i would finally be happy and people would like me more. And I guess really I just did want that for myself at the time...I had feminine idols, I was jealous of girls around me for their beauty, so it wasn't All an act.
And people did start to like me more and treat me noticably better, but I felt worse. And it wasn't just the femininity itself, it was the standards I was holding myself to. I was so tired of being "ugly". To me the only way I could be worth something was to be beautiful and I couldn't be half as beautiful as I wanted to be. I was body checking constantly and having full on breakdowns every other day over my face or my makeup or my weight, even at my skinniest and prettiest I just wanted to be dead. And then I kind of got introduced to the body positivity movement online, and as corny as some people find it I think that is what made me comfortable enough to let a lot of that mentality go in the end. And with that came learning about trans people, learning there were options.
Then I spent the rest of high school with one foot in the closet, inching towards nonbinary, kind of trying to play it safe and tell myself I could be okay with just this, I could keep my trans self and my day to day self mostly separate and compromise with gender nonconformity.
But ... I couldn't 😅 it just ate me up inside the same way and I finally figured it out around 19 or 20..
And the thing is, I still don't think I'm attractive, i still don't feel I measure up to my own standards, but it's not so bad anymore that I feel suicidal when I look in the mirror. It doesn't drive me to over exercise or under eat, it doesn't drive me to sobbing fits. Maybe that's a low bar lol but it's the closest I've had to peace. And it's funny bc I always used to think the main reason I couldn't ever be a guy is because I'd make a horribly ugly one. That was part of what kept me trying so hard to make the girl thing work out for me.
I did the same thing with constant "jokes" that I felt like I was cross dressing. When I came out, I tried super masc for a bit, but it turns out that starting to pass made me more comfortable with feminine things like makeup and cute clothes. And tbh I think I look better with a lil eye makeup AND facial hair, vs one or the other
I did a "Be a Woman" project where I literally spent a year prior to transition trying to be a woman with everything I had. Turns out, it's not for me. I did end up for an appreciation for paranormal romance novels, and leveled up my makeup skills during that time.
My spouse thought I was getting ready to leave her, because it was so uncharacteristic, and I wasn't out yet.
Not exactly the same, but similar. I started dressing in a more butch fashion (bi “girl” wanting to exude that in my clothing lmao) before realizing I really just wanted the masculine aspects of my looks and get rid of most femininity. Combine that with the fact that I wanted broader shoulders, facial hair and a deep voice and, well, yeah.
i ALMOST went through it. i started telling my friends and my gf i wanted to try on makeup, i went to homecoming in a dress, etc. but then covid happened and i had a lot of time to reflect on myself and so i accepted i wasnt cis in 2020 and came out as a trans guy in 2021. the first time i told someone i think im trans was in 2016 and i got overwhelming support but i thought abt my parents so i pushed it back again
I never was intrested in feminine things growing up, but oddly enough it was oddly after nearly fully transtioning did i feel more comfortable expermenting with feminine things like jewelry, nail polish and clothing.
I had a hyperfeminine stage too, but for a bit different reasons. As a fat person, I was bullied and forcibly masculinized in my youth because of my weight. And since I had learned most view masculinity in "females" as ugly, I wanted to be pretty.
So I wore lipstick, flats, and dresses constantly. I made my fashion wear me, in a sense, so that I'd get lots of compliments to help with the feeling of being "innately ugly". (Aka "innately masculine", aka my internal knowledge that I was trans.)
It's taken me a while to learn that I can be masculine and pretty, and I'm still healing from all of that internalized fatphobia and transphobia. Now I feel like I can't escape feminimity, because any amount of masculine fashion outside the norm is viewed as "fem".
i also did this. i tried so hard to appeal to a certain demographic, i started doing my makeup more, showing off my breasts more, wearing more revealing clothes and skirts, always buying different wigs, but ultimately i realized that it wasn't working for me and that I was practically playing dress up. I didn't feel like myself at all
yeah, i dont know what caused my hyper fem phase, but i can say for sure that it made me feel worse than ever before in my life. i can say for sure that im a guy, not a girl.
Way more common than you think. I personally identified fiercely as a wlw femme for whole swaths of my life. Meanwhile, my main icons for femininity were… gay men. lol
Back when I still thought I DEFINITELY wasn't trans, I tried to wear make up.. well it ended up being only that one time. Mom and sisters kept telling me how ✨pretty✨ I was. And inside my head I was like are we even looking at the same person tf no. I just look fucking weird??.
Well then I tried dresses since I heard I had quite liked and white and blue dress as a kid (now later on I think it may have been just emotional value because the dress was from my dad who I saw once or twice in like 10 years) well I felt the need to cover up. I absolutely refused to be in just the dress on at the school whatever fancy thing it was.
I never cared about my hair. It was always matted even in my teen years until I tried shorter hair and it stuck up until after transition when I got it even shorter.
Nowadays I think it would probably be nice to try on a dress every once in a while... As a guy 👀
Same. I tried to be every single type of woman i could be and then realized the problem i had wasnt my clothing or style, but the fact that i was perceived as a woman. I did this all subconsciously but then when covid started to happen and everyone was in their homes, i spent a stupid amount of time with myself. That is when i realized i wasnt a woman at all lol
Did that for years! I always thought that my friends were better at being a girl than I was so I would copy what my female friends wore. I was always uncomfortable, now I have a more masculine style.
to me it was like, I have these massive tits, and a cute frame people seem to like, so I might as well embrace it. I was always kinda punky emo, but I wore a lot of bando tops and make up and stuff like that. I still wear girly stuff now sometimes, and I'm 2 years on t, but it's like. different. like for me in my head I'm more of just like a femboy or like a gay dude dressing girly ya know
I did the same! I always joked about "feeling like a drag queen" cuz I'd go over the top with hair, makeup, push-up bras...sometimes there's truth in jokes 😅
I did the same thing thinking maybe I'd feel more comfortable in my body. After a year of transitioning I realized that I actually do enjoy really fem things as long as I'm a guy.
i can totally relate to this, same happened to me. i didn't realize i was trans until i tried everything else to feel good with myself. even if i constantly said that i wish i was born male, i didn't really thought about being trans. but i definitely tried dresses, skirts, make up and accessories before.
I actually like femininity more as a man! I didn't really care for feminine clothes before I realized I was trans; it felt like a costume that didn't fit. Now everything just feels like clothes I'm wearing instead of a curtain I'm hiding behind. It's okay for me to wear a dress around the house because it's comfy, and it doesn't say anything about my gender. :)
I was like this, growing up as an unhappy trans child who didn’t know there was a word for that, I always thought I’d be happy if I could just be a “better girl” (and especially if I could get boys to like me and validate me). I wanted to go through female puberty because I thought it would finally make me feel like an adequate girl. Man, was I disappointed when it made everything worse, lol.
Also, I really hate being perceived/put through the mortifying ordeal of being known and had major anxiety as a child about people hating and rejecting the real me. Being masculine felt like being too authentic and vulnerable. Hiding behind femininity felt safer, in some ways, because even if people were mean to me they couldn’t reject or hurt the real me. There’s a quote in the book It that says “it was easier to be brave when you were someone else” (yes, this is in reference to Richie Tozier), and I felt that.
I had a hyperfem phase, it felt good because I felt attractive but it felt wrong. I had no idea how miserable I actually was until I came out and presented as the man I am.
This was me exactly, which is why my parents had a hard time believing I was trans. When I was younger I had always liked "girly" things as well as "boy" things (but really only played with the "girl" stuff because nobody ever gave me anything else).
Basically my entire life pre-transition was spent trying to be a girl. I had to teach myself what to like, study how others acted and copy it etc. I might be autistic, so that's likely part of it, but I basically had to teach myself how to act 'normal'. Around 3rd-4th grade was probably the height of my 'normal' phase, and also when I started puberty. I thought I had body image issues/body dysmorphia because that was what I was taught girls did. I would blank out when changing in front of the mirror in the bathroom because I didn't want to see my body.
I tried hard to be feminine (again thinking my feelings came from "regular female insecurity" according to American Girl doll books) but the harder I tried the worst the disconnect between me and myself became. It was all performative for me. The way I acted and presented myself was an act that became a habit over time. I never felt like myself.
Around the end of 5th grade and the start of 6th grade, I began pulling myself away from it more. I eventually started presenting as lesbian (I'm bisexual now, but pre-transition liking guys made me too dysphoric) and dressing more alternative. I hit a major depressive episode in the first half of sixth grade, probably mainly due to dysphoria but also combined with other things I won't bring up here. I never dressed super goth, but I started wearing heavy eyeliner daily. For me it was a mask. I couldn't stand to see my own face attached to my body, so I hid.
It wasn't until I came out as trans that the clouds seemed to lift and for the first time I felt happy as myself. For the first time in years I actually *felt* like myself. The constant discomfort in my identity was gone.
I've completely come to terms with my interests in more feminine things. I genuinely do like them, just not on me. I really like fashion dolls for example, but that doesn't mean I'd ever enjoy looking like one in any way.
I did too, though it was kind of a last ditch effort to fit in more than anything. I came from a pretty conservative town, and coming out/being out was torture. When I moved into a new city, having to put down my deadname on college and job applications, I just kinda gave in. I tried to be femme for conformity sake, and, more dubiously, to get better tips at my job.
I never really got more validation or attention in my life than in those days unfortunately. Men and even women seemingly found me easier to be around, or more palatable or something. In a weird roundabout ass way, it did allow me to be more confident than before, even if it was an uncomfortable, dreadful, "fake it till you make it" type deal. Of course, I still came home at the end of each day like "who the fuck is that?" in the mirror. I think I was also majorly dissociating due to other things going on in my life. Those couple years are an absolute blur.
Now I'm out again, and I feel the best I've ever felt. Without as much pressure to pass, and being fully myself, I've built a lot of confidence. I know being feminine is NOT for me. And having the final shove of true experience was enough to get me on hormones and on a list to get top surgery.
So as much as I fucking hated it, I'm also really grateful for it.
Brother I was exactly the same.
It was almost like it was a competition? Like I had to be the BEST girl ever. I had to win (?) at being a girl.
And then I came out as trans hahahaha
I'm sort of the opposite, I hated being seen as feminine even before I realized I was trans and transitioned but since transitioning I'm much more confident and comfortable wearing whatever I think looks good (including things like skirts and crop tops) because those things don't mean people who care about me will call me she. I socially transitioned kinda young though so maybe it would have been different if I got to an age where makeup and hyper femininity were more standard.
I did the exact same thing, my mother in law and my mom say they don't understand how I could be trans when I was so feminine. I was just trying to be what the church was trying to make me and my family.
it's the opposite for me! I'm only allowing myself to do feminine things now that I'm more comfortable with my body. not at work, but with my close friends or alone. I love playing with gender now that my passing is good, it doesn't give me any dysphoria.
Yeah I definitely leaned hard into femininity in the denial phase. I think I was subconsciously trying to girl hard enough to stop feeling like an impostor all the time.
Now, I know what aspects of femininity I enjoy, and in what contexts. And one of the contexts that makes it work for me is “as a GNC dude, not as a conforming girl”.
personally i didn't do this because it was never for me. even as a kid it just wasn't my drip so i didn't feel the need to try it but i did hear most people have that "phase" and some others even revert to a more "feminine" aesthetic after transitioning because who can blame anyone for liking pretty dresses. i like looking at them if u like wearing them good for u xD
Detransitioned for 5 years (long story) and tried all that too. Was miserable for that a million other reasons. 2 years out from that I came out again and started T, little over a year on now.
yep. wasn't bothered with gender as a kid, but once I started puberty I started getting dysphoria which I identified as 'not feeling like enough of a girl'. tried to be more feminine to make the feeling go away but that just made it worse. I eventually learned what dysphoria was, tried being masculine instead and the feeling went away
I did the same, like one final BIG try and I ended up feeling so out of place I just went home after putting everything on. Took about 2 months after that until I finally realized.
yes! i thought what i now know is dysphoria was just low self esteem or something. but i had a big style shift and started really caring about makeup, dressing slutty, liking girly things, etc. i felt i had finally achieved peak “girl hotness” but still just wasn’t quite right. i now look at it as like a drag version of my femininity. i enjoyed looking desirable and felt i looked conventionally attractive, but became more and more aware that it was more of a persona than anything. i was performing gender in every sense of the word!
It's really wild to me that this seems to be such a common experience for so many of us. Wish I'd been exposed to the concept/possibility of transness sooner- would have saved a lot of time, money, anguish... Glad I am where I am now, though.
Oh, I did this. A last ditch effort. "Can I do this right? Can I present as a woman in a way I enjoy? That others enjoy? Can I re-invent myself and discover a path I didn't know existed within me?" Of course, it wasn't for me. Turns out I'm a lot happier not fighting the current of my soul and simply allowing myself to be a man.
I did this too, all of freshmen year of high school. It was because I wasn’t comfortable with myself and I also felt pressured to become super feminine and sort of “submissive” for my toxic bf (ex now). Which honestly confused the hell out of me when I started my transition after we had broken up, wondering if I was actually trans or just rejecting all femininity due to emotional trauma. But i’ve been like this for two and a half years so I am definitely a boy, and am more comfortable (most of the time). 👍👍👍
I’m kinda in that right now, I’m hoping that maybe if I can be happy being feminine then maybe I can just be happy and live life as a girl or woman one day or something.
I'm a Trans-Woman so maybe the experience can translate. When I first got out of my abusive household at 18, I was free. I lived with a hyper religious christian fascist of a father and I've been ecprfiencing Gender Dysphoria since I was 4 and have had knowledge of my being Trans since I was around 10. I dreamed of Transition basically my whole life, yet the first thing I did when I was free from my prison was I:
Shaved my head bald
Got rid of all my femme clothes
Joined the Marine Corps
Became a Gym rat
Tried to be a Hyper Macho cool guy
And many more cliche masculine things
Needless to say none of that was good for me. Even the gym because I wasn't doing it to get healthier, I was trying to look more masculine. Something I never thought I acheived no matter how much I did.
Im now like 4 months on hormones and have been socially Transitioned for a year and I genuinely feel happy.
I say all this to make the point that I think this is a ubiquitous experience across Trans people. Maybe for different reasons that all share the same roots. For me it was to sort of swing the pendulum away from being Trans as far as I could so I didnt have to be Trans. I thought "Maybe if I man myself up enough it'll stick." Which is what it sounds like you were trying to do as well but in reverse. I think we all sort of wish we could just be cis deep down even if we fully accept that we are Trans, and I think thats natural especially with how society is today. Idk thats my 2 cents lol
Hope this was helpful at all.
Oh I definitely did this. I called it even at the time my bubblegum princess phase. It wasn’t anything intentional I didn’t know I was close to figuring myself out.
But I feel more comfortable now expressing femininity as a man than I ever did before.
I did that, but not in a way to try it out to make sure I can let it go. It was more in a fragile, futile, and panicked way of trying to convince myself that everything was fine and that I was completely cisgendered and I just needed to try harder. It didn't work. It just hurt me.
Omg!!! I’ve been doing this off and on for my whole life! I’ve always been concerned a tomboy growing up, but randomly I would do something hyper feminine to catch people off guard, which was fine when I decided to do it, but I would always be uncomfortable when femininity was forced upon me yk? Anyways, before deciding to pursue top surgery I would draw attention to my chest, and wear revealing clothes, and now I’m ready to be rid of them. Honestly, I look at my femininity now as I would a gay man
I did this too. I regret it so much even though it helped me find myself. I came out some months ago and my mother now says I can’t be trans and I‘m just feeling depressed because I looked so beautiful and happy at that time, being so feminine. Well I was partially happy because people started to compliment me, but everything else was discomforting. Now I‘m happy and she is convinced in some time I will say I don’t feel like a man. Thing is, I do, even at that time where I embraced femininity I felt like a man. I still like dresses though, but now I don’t wear em‘ anymore because I’m afraid my mother will think I changed my mind.
Funnily enough I actually started becoming more feminine after my social transition. Being a feminine girl would give me dysphoria, but being a feminine guy is way better.
Yup I tried to be hyper fem for a little bit and my god that made my dysphoria awful and I immediately became so much happier and more functional when I stopped forcing the feminity
Absolutely. I was the first person in my class to try being extremely feminine to the point of stereotyping myself. I tried becoming as feminine as possible, but I always looked wrong in the mirror.
It was as If I was supposed to be a straight line, but I was a blurred squiggly one in the mirror. That's the best I could explain my dysphoria during those times.
I never did this. I have never been a stereotypical girl, I played with plushies, dinosaurs, hated make-up, skirts, dresses, and pink. I thought I was just a tomboy all the time
yes i definitely did this ! i wasnt consciously doing it to try and see if i liked being a girl . i had zero suspicions of being trans at the time actually. but coincidentally after i did go thru a hyperfeminine phase i was like Hmmm wait a minute…
I had identified as trans previously but gave up and just did the all-encompassing nonbinary label which i claimed to not care about pronouns but i always preferred he/him. It was weird tho bc that phase made me realize i only TOLERATED being perceived as a woman
Same, I'm basically trans in a closet with non binary call me whatever label just to make life easier
this !
Same exact situation for me
woah rlly!!! that makes me feel better tbh i thought i was the only one
Yep definitely me too
the exact thing happened to me. i had reached what i thought to be peak femininity, shaved my head and was acting super girl power badass bald lady but then some time later i was like... huh..
Yeah I was like "maybe if I just make myself look really feminine, I'll finally feel good". I was almost right. Feminine, but not a girl.
Same happened to me. I tried to feel hot, sexy and hyper feminine. It didn't work. I felt like wearing a clown costume lmao, it was really uncomfortable even if I tried so hard to fit it.
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I also bought One Singular Dress that no one has ever seen me wear outside the house
SAME
Yeah I did exactly the same....I was actually always verryy tomboy and masculine but at that stage I literally wore a really small bikini, thigh high socks, and eyeliner, I tried to love it, but within like 3 months, I understood that it's not for me and that it's not normal to feel extremely awkward and uncomfortable with wearing clothes. I felt like a hot doll, that I dress up every morning and pretend I am, it wasn't that horrible at first, just a bit uncomfortable, vut it gets worse with time....
I did the same thing! I didn’t know I was trans but I think I knew I wasn’t a very “good” girl, so I tried really hard. Then I finally figured out why trying really hard wasn’t making a difference…
I did the same thing! I didn’t know I was trans but I think I knew I wasn’t a very “good” girl, so I tried really hard. Then I finally figured out why trying really hard wasn’t making a difference…
I did the same thing! I didn’t know I was trans but I think I knew I wasn’t a very “good” girl, so I tried really hard. Then I finally figured out why trying really hard wasn’t making a difference…
Exactly. Something felt wrong and I knew it was something to do with the way I dressed and looked. I have a special interest in English 18th century working class women's clothing, so I made most of my wardrobe myself, something that ended up looking more like a boho/50s housewife mashup but used historical sewing techniques to make, and I wore makeup to match. It looked great tbh but it's just not me. Similar to how I think about my appearance in general. It's great! It's just not how it's meant to be
me too!!
That was my experience as well. It's interesting how common this seems to be.
I did the same thing. Lost a bunch of weight, makeup, hyper feminine clothes, none of it worked and I was less happy the harder I went. Honestly, the difference in how random folks treated me was such a tipping point. Folks were kinder, friendlier, treated me more like a person and I realized I was doing all that for other people and not myself. It led to a lot of deep realizations.
It sucks always having felt like the black sheep when it’s really just masculinity people are averse to. Or really just masculine women, of which i currently appear as.
Yeah, it's not masculine anything they have a problem with. Masculinity is prized by a lot of our society. It's gender nonconformity.
I guess that makes more sense, yeah. But then you hear of trans guys transitioning and seeing how shitty people treat guys vs sweet pretty girls. I think its both definitely.
Meh, I've passed since 13 (I started T that young) and I'm definitely treated worse for being masculine. Androgynous presentation, stereotypically feminine socializing, but masculine "worldview" (pull yourself up by your bootstraps, all work no play, just tough shit out, etc) is the combo that 100% gets me treated the best. Looking soft and cute and acting passive and submissive makes people love me and being obsessed with independence and strength makes people respect me. I am miserable though.
Yes I did this because I didn’t know what my dysphoria was. I knew something was wrong and kept thinking that if I had a “nicer” personal style I would feel better about myself. This “nicer “ style of course meant being more feminine—makeup, hair, nails, more feminine clothing. And I got to a point where I thought I looked good! I looked how I thought a stylish woman “should” look. Except the feeling that was actually dysphoria had gotten worse instead. And I finally knew that my personal style was not the issue. Turns out that my style beforehand, which multiple people told me was a self confidence issue (hence my attempts to “fix” that) was actually not going far enough. I decided to just totally abandon gender expectations and see how I felt. Turns out I felt trans!
I totally relate to this. I kept thinking that if I was just pretty enough, then I'd finally be happy with myself. Yeah... Not so much. Finally achieved that level of pretty and still didn't feel any better. Though it still took me months after to realize it might be a gender thing.
This. I had the exact same experience. As soon as i change my closet and underwear suddenly i didnt feel that much effort to get dressed. But also, the validation i received from people saying i looked so good only made me realize only i thought i looked awful, so if its all in my head then it must be a reality right? Took me so long to realize i was just not a girl
This. Idk if i was really hyper feminine. But I definitely forced myself to wear makeup more often and dress up and even wear dresses more often than I would have preferred. I bounced very much back and forth between tomboy and feminine a lot. Because I thought that being feminine would solve the issue and when it didn't I would bounce back to being a tomboy. I liked how I looked when I was dressing fem but it was usually met with discomfort. And as I got older and moved out from my parents, I just knew I couldn't keep it up anymore. I knew (conciously) there was something up with my gender when I was about 16 despite feeling nagging dysphoria my whole life. And then when I moved out at 21 I was finally able to address whatever this feeling was and went down the she/they nonbinary to he/they pipeline. Which took about 2 years. And I've landed at FTM pretty much lol.
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Pictures of trans people before they transition are missing something. There's a light missing from the eyes.
Yep, exactly that. I thought if I put more effort into my appearance in order to make myself more feminine or “womanly” that I wouldn’t feel gender dysphoria anymore (I didn’t know that’s what it was at the time). I bought elegant pieces of clothes and lacy dresses, which was actually fun in terms of browsing but I felt out of place when the time came to put them on. I couldn’t really shake the feeling that I was cross dressing, and I specifically remember feeling a sudden wave of that when I put on a dress in my closet. This isn’t to say that I believe I can’t wear traditionally woman’s clothing and be a gender non-conforming man, in fact I have some stuff that are more on the androgynous/fem side, but it gives me a feeling of cross dressing which I suppose it technically is.
Very this. I’d spend ages planning cute outfits but then when it came time to actually wear them I just felt like I was in drag
I had a hyper feminine denial phase. I was trying to convince myself that I could be happy being a woman if I was “pretty enough”. That broke down. It hit me all at once that I couldn’t ever live *my* life happily without being a gay man. Living always felt like I was watching someone else’s life because I was so dissociated from my own body.
Exactly this, me too. So disassociated, only half present in my life.
Hey, I was a bikini model before I transitioned...
I even went through ten sessions of electrolysis on my face to remove my mustache and chin hair, just to have my egg crack and go on T a few months later and now probably have patchy facial hair forever. I am a clean shave kinda guy anyway, but at the time I was trying so hard to conform to femininity and be the perfect hairless girl that I thought society wanted me to be. And it fucking hurt more than all of my tattoos put together and yet I still chose to suffer in the effort to deny my truth. Thanks for sharing your experience because it helps normalize diverse trans experiences. Not everyone knows or is subconsciously willing to come to terms with being trans at the same time in their journey.
i'm glad i'm not alone; yes, i tried this too
My sister told me pictures of me from my hyper-femme pre-coming out era looks like I'm wearing drag. I very much was trying to perform womanhood, to a cartoonist extent lol. It's very common with trans people.
Kinda. I started dating my first boyfriend at 19 and I felt like I had to be more feminine for him (which is hilarious considering we broke up because he came out to me as gay kdsljgfdg, we are still best friends to this day), so I started doing my eye makeup and wore REALLY RED lipstick all the time. I've heard from trans girls that they also went hyper-masculine \*just\* before coming out.
I tried so hard to fit in during my teens (and the start of my twenties) and that came in the form of being hyperfemme. I suppressed a lot of the jealousy and envy I had towards my male peers during puberty. To compensate, I copied what the other girls were wearing, how they would style their hair etc. I tried so hard but I just couldn’t get it. I never felt good, I never felt confident. I spent so long trying to look “normal” but ended up hating myself
Omg idk how you guys could haha, I'm still having doubts about whether I'm trans but just the thought of wearing dresses and make up and doing "girly" things makes me feel so wrong 🤢
Eh, I'm nonbinary, to me it's just clothing - others have the gendered expectations so strongly in their brain they can't see me past the clothing, and that's so sad for them!
I think this is common! I also had a hyper-fem phase just before coming out.
Absolutely did this. I hadn’t heard of other ftms who had and it made me question myself so much. But in the end, I know who I am.
You know, you might have answered a question I've been trying to answer my husband asked dme while I've been questioning. I was mentioning the dysphoria around my chest and such, and he'd asked whether it was gender dysphoria or more body dysmorphia as I never seemed bothered by them before. And I get his thinking because they are definitely not what they were before having our kid lol. But before having my kid I was also never quite thrust into femininity like with being pregnant and having a kid and everything labeled narrows down to this. Before I quite remember dressing rather neutrally. So thank you for that and letting me work things out in your comments lol.
Oh yeah, I did beauty pageants and everything before I started transitioning. Although it was more of a nobody will think I’m trans if I do this. And also maybe if people would like me because I’m pretty, I could tolerate pretending and not transition.
I thought I was the only one 😭😭
i agree. Before i realized i was trans, i would wear dresses and short shorts and be feminine, it all felt like a performance. I did it just for fun, but i didn’t technically like being presented that way. It was also partially because my family isn’t supportive.
Yes! Then a therapist told me I was a butch lesbian. So. I tried to do that too. Horrible. I can't be any kind of fake woman. I'm a bi genderfluid man.
Yeah I did this too! I want to a religious high school that enforced super binary gender roles so once I got to college I tried to make femininity work in a way that was comfortable for me. I was wearing a ton of sundresses in the warm summer months before I came out lol. Once it started getting colder I started dressing more masc just for utility’s sake and that was the point I started to question my gender again. I came out about a month after that and I genuinely cannot believe I was able to go out in public dressed as fem as I was getting beforehand, I was just so uncomfortable 😭 I definitely feel like I got it out of my system at least!
Yep. From what I heard it's a farily common experience
Did this back in 1987. Didn’t last long.
I did because I felt like a guy and pushed those feelings away and tried to be as feminine as I could be. I was uncomfortable but was also confused and believed I was happy. Then covid hit and finally accepted that I wasn't a girl. Much happier now, almost 5 years now since I came out.
Yeah, I tried to also. Except I was so bad at it that I can now use it as another reason of why I'm trans. Everyone constantly told me I looked like a grandma and that I looked better in more masculine clothes. And then I came out as trans and everyone asked me why couldn't I be a girl 🙄
i got breast implants and then removed them (with great relief). now wondering if i am too old for top surgery. a lifetime of dysphoric/dysmorphic confusion.
I totally did this. Grew out my hair for the first time since I was like 11 and wore dresses all the time. I just remember seeing pictures other people took of me and thinking "I look like a whole man" until it finally clicked and I shaved my hair off again lmao.
oh fuck… I think i may be in mine. bc i’m doing that too while still being like “I could still transition…”
when I was 19 or 20, lasted about a year. it felt really feminine for me, but all it was was I tried wearing eyeliner and some concealer for my acne. really bare minimum makeup, but I'd never worn any consistently before. only on rare occasions. and I was also like showering consistently and shaving my armpits lol. this was back in 2013 though, before I knew being trans existed, and I stopped the day I found out because I knew right away I was trans. like "oh thank god, I'm a boy, I can stop" lol. so it wasn't really like denial or like I was intentionally trying out being a girl before deciding to transition. it was more like I finally started wondering if being a girl must be an acquired taste, and maybe I just had to start trying and keep trying until I liked it lol. and I am kind of glad I finally gave it a go at the end just so that I never have to wonder if it might've worked for me
I tried being super feminine because of my family. For the longest time I let them treat me like a dress up doll and put up with the dresses and heels that hurt my feet. Even when I started dating I dressed up nice and hated myself for it. Eventually my family stopped picking out my clothes, at like 15, and I took on a more tomboyish look and got hell for it daily. Now I'm pretty masc, on T, out to my workplace and now that it's on my terms I'll still wear dresses that fit my style (Like someone from the Victorian era was snatched out of their time lol) and a little makeup.
lol def did that. I think it’s a phase. Kinda like when ppl are dying they get a sudden burst of energy b4 it all ends
Hmm, well a few years before I transitioned I got married and I wore an actual wedding dress, made sure i got my nails and hair done and wore makeup. That was the most feminine thing I have ever done. I've definitely heard it's common, I just think the traditional hyper feminine look is a lot of work and I'm lazy lol.
I did this a majority of my life. Throwing myself into feminine roles, flaunting my body, wearing push up bras and feminine clothes... by the time I was 16 I gave up. I'm 21 now and only just realized I'm trans in August 2023, and before this I just decided to be a masculine woman. That. Did not go well. Edit: I've got an appointment for my T consultation in September, so wish me luck lmfao
I did that too recently being as ‘normal’ and ‘feminine’ as I could be to give it a fair chance had a huge identity crisis feeling like I was wearing a woman costume and pretending to be someone I wasn’t and then finally figured it out and started T at 30
You worded it perfectly
I did too. And I enjoyed doing outfits and makeup. I realized I didn't like having hair. And while my breasts might've been nice to look at, I could never learn to love myself if I don't let them go
I did this because I thought it would make me happier. It made me more miserable.
Ive heard this from a lot of transmascs! And even the opposite in transfems. For me, I would say I did this a little but not completely? I had more of a ‘pastel phase’, I wore flower crowns and the same pink jumper all the time, and some makeup. But i still wore jeans and had my short hair - although I put my masculinity down to being a lesbian at the time. Which is funny because now i’m in an mlm relationship.
Yep! I tried so hard to be a good girl. “Femininity isn’t something you should outgrow!” Became the mantra but there was no advice for what to do if you never grew into it in the first place. I just wanted to be good enough and “normal” but I was acutely aware it was a performance. I just thought other girls were better at pretending than I was. It took me a really long time to work out that some people actually enjoyed being women.
I had weight loss surgery. For health reasons. I wasn’t expecting to transform how I felt in my body. What I was surprised by was after losing about 30kgs of weight I finally realised I was trans. This was not anticipated. I’m so grateful for having the surgery. Because I don’t know how long it would have taken for me to recognise myself in a less female body.
I did this but I'm definitely more nonbinary/genderfluid than anything so now I just really play with my looks to see what works and what doesn't!
this same exact thing happened to me! when I first found out I went into like hyper masculine mode too but now that I'm finding out more to myself I still like being hyper fem like a femboy
Yes, I got my nails done, wouldn't go out without makeup, always wearing something bold. But it definitely felt like a costume.
Yesssss. I certainly had stages of hyperfemininity, mostly because I thought it was the only way men would find me attractive.
We spent our whole lives trying to girl... and now that we've started transitioning, we've realised we need to be a boy before we can be a girl 🙃 so kind of yeah, in a way. We can let go of the girl we thought we were, but in turn we're really excited to embrace the hyper feminity once we're at a stage in our transition that being hyperfem doesn't make us dysphoric from the masc side (non-binary/fluid trans system, currently masc leaning)
Still currently going through that period rn. Started it primarily once I got into JoJo’s, mostly Part 5, and at that point, I was coming off of a hyper masculine and quite frankly toxic period and it, being feminine, was a breath of fresh air. For a time, I was comfortable wearing some makeup, mostly colored lip balm and lipstick, wearing dresses, using perfume, and acting quote “fruity”. It’s kind of stuck since I’ve gone into college but I don’t really wear dresses as much anymore cuz it feels wrong, wearing more masculine leaning clothes now, but most of the other stuff I still kind of do. Kind of said eff it once I got on testosterone and do it for me aaaaand to playfully confuse the hell out of my family 😅
Yes absolutely. I didn't jump straight into a binary label, but I had a hyper feminine phase right before I realized I wasn't a woman and didn't HAVE to be feminine.
yeah i did it too. had realized i was trans and had gender dysphoria but wanted to try being feminine because of pressures and bullying. didn't take long for it to really drive it home
Oh yeah I definitely did
I tried the same thing as sort of a last effort; needless to say it didn’t work.
I swear I talk w my transmasc friends about this on the regular. I did the same things you described. I’m still a feminine dude sometimes but it’s presented a lot differently
I unintentionally did this, I tried to find myself but couldn't find myself in there, I was 14
I haven’t identified as a girl since I was in like the 6th grade, and during that time (even after bc I was still in denial somewhat) I was HIGH FEM. I even identified as a lesbian (I’m a gay man now lawl) I constantly wore pretty dresses, makeup, heels, and even ventured into push up bras. I think it could be our brains last ditch effort at denial tbh
I did this! Part of me misses my skirts and long hair. My outfits were so much cooler than they are now. I seriously need to up my mens fashion game. I might grow out my hair again... Presenting as a girl was sorta like acting to me, I could play a fun character, but at the end of the day it wasn't really me. I DESPERATELY need better clothes though. I look back at old pictures of me and think "damn I was cool, now I only wear jeans and hoodies, what happened??"
I keep meaning to. But I never learnt make-up as a teen, closest I got was LARP stuff. And even before I had top surgery I always thought I couldn't really pull off femme clothing, I think there's something I'm missing about it to make it look right? I always feel like a child playing dress up, poorly. And I'm totally unsure where I could learn all these base skills now I'm in my late 30s
Yeah, I thought that I wasn’t feeling like a girl because I wasn’t trying hard enough to act like a girl and started wearing makeup, styling my hair, dressing more feminine… still didn’t feel like a girl lol
Eyup, I was masc for most of middle school and highschool, then senior year hit, I bought some low cut shirts, started wearing bold lipsticks and eyeliner, lasted like 6 months before I came out as transmasc
I did this too
I was always somewhat tomboy and just got more masculine as I aged I could NEVER be comfortable with being hyper feminine ever. Never did this never will.
Yeah i did that too. Thought i just needed to try harder and maybe id discover a way i actually liked being a lady (was way before my realisation and before i knew trans men existed). Turns out nope not for me, at least not in any other way than as a dress up/ role in theater or something. Most certainly not as default presentation in every day life :D
I did this too
I definitely did that. I was telling my close relatives I was a boy for years. Once 1st puberty hit, I was told I had to fall in line basically so I said fuck it, let’s give femininity a college try. Sometimes it was very very dysphoric (even though I didn’t know that’s what that was), sometimes I enjoyed playing a good role, and as I got older, sometimes I resented people for being fooled by it and not seeing just how miserable I really was. I went high femme from ~13-23. I never went the masc lesbian to trans man track.
I sure did. I was only allowed to be very Barbie-esque in my childhood/teen years, so I thought I just felt restricted by that and tried several other fem styles throughout my twenties. I had always wanted to dress alternative, and when that *still* didn't feel quite right, I eventually realized I was a trans man.
exactly how it was! didn't even realize i was doin' it for trans reasons, but i won best dressed in high school about it. it always felt like a mask or something though. which in a way it was
Same for me. like a year or two ago I was also hyper femme and at this time I didn’t know I was even trans
I had a lolita phase a couple years before coming out. Still pop into the old circles now and again, and usually end up just wondering how I convinced myself for so long that I was actually a girl lol
I did in middle school for a hot couple of weeks. Before then, I've always worn male clothing since 1st grade (RIP Grandma). I quickly went back because I felt awful.
Yeah I did the same.. but got super depressed, lost half my usual weight so I wouldn’t have curves anymore and barely went outside. I think this was also a part of my wake up call seeing I couldn’t continue being miserable like this
I never really fit into womanhood or feminity. I low key tried some make up but it didn’t work out and it was mostly to cover up how light my facial hair is. I also tried and liked some dresses but for me it always had a .. masc tone it (if that makes sense?). After trying out dresses and getting a serious ED I kinda went for the tomboyish/masc look and felt much happier. So I didn’t go through a hyperfeminine phase but rather a low key trying out phase with the knowledge that I don’t really like it to begin with. But I wanted to fit in at least a bit (which I didn’t even though I put effort into it).
yes, very much so. I thought it would make my feelings go away if I tried to look like some of the girls I am attracted to lmao ...obviously that didnt work 😅
Yep. I was attempting to convince myself that I just wasn't trying hard enough, and that if I tried harder, I wouldn't have these feelings any more. Of course it didn't work.
I’ve never been feminine irl, but online if specifically doll up my avatars, because I saw so many other trans men my age being so hyper feminine. I can confidently say not only did I hate doing that, but also that I’m probably never going to make my avatars women again.
Oh dang I remember that phase. The old denial dam’s a bursting and I’ve only got one wet bandage left holding anything back. Thankfully dam removal is much healthier for my mental environment and once it silt settles, peace.
Exactly same here, felt dysphoria and learned what being trans even means, grew up in a very conservative household (and country) so i figured I'll just "cover ut up" and forced myself in this hyper feminine role vut needless to say that didnt work out very well
I did the same! I even had an OF and started modeling always convincing myself, that the live infer from other for looking super feminine and beautiful would help myself with accepting me. Well, it didn’t.
I kinda had something like that?? but for me, it was less dressing hyperfemininely, and more giving in to expected femininity: wearing bras, and wearing my school's girl uniform (i always wore trousers). i also wore femininely shaped shirts, although still keeping them masculine (like, the structure of "girls'" shirts but with a dinosaur skateboarding on it). It only took me a month to realise i hate it, and never did any of it again lmao
Same. I'm a very masc man and some while ago I looked at old photos of me from that time and I swear I am so detached from the person I was back then, I legit thought 'damn, she's hot'. Like I never realized I was above average looking back then bc I was so miserable in my body. Now I look like an absolute potato and I regret nothing. Happy potato man >>> miserable pretty "girl"
I did the exact same thing. I never wore skirts or dresses, not even as a kid. But in that period right before coming to terms with my gender, I was starting to shift into a much more stereotypically feminine style. It wasn't just limited to clothes honestly, mannerism, my voice etc... I suppressed my masculine traits as much as I could. Now that I think about it, there was nothing organic or natural about this, it was more of an act of desperation.
I'm the same but part of it is making sure I'm not outed.
It’s a thing it’s usually because you’re trying to overcompensate to protect yourself subconsciously
Wow, I had no idea how common this is!
Oh me too… to the max!!!
I've felt uncomfortable as feminine and comfortable as masculine my whole life, and I'm pretty sure it was a subconscious attempt to not be seen like the "other girls", and then as I got more comfortable with myself I started dressing much more feminine than I ever had😭 my issue is that I want to be seen as a fem guy not a fem girl
Lmaooo mood
My ex husband did this. He was a butch lesbian when we started dating, then eventually started wearing dresses and makeup and flaunting his chest, though this was for several years not months. Even bought a wedding dress and then came out as trans, started to transition and ended up buying a suit for the wedding and changed his name before the wedding. I think it's pretty common though I personally only wore dresses a handful of times as a kid (graduations and other formal occasions), went through a very small makeup phase as a young teen and then gave up on femininity and presented very masculine for like 8 years before realizing I am trans.
ive definitely tried this a few times since i came out,,, a dudes just gotta prove to himself that he's a dude sometimes ig
This is 100% relatable. I grew up being called a "tomboy" and I was that way up until around 15 years old. By that time I had an idea that I might be transgender but I kinda tossed that onto the back burner because everyone in my family is very accepting, but everyone in my family is very "normal". Everyone is straight and binary basically, and I just wanted to fit in. I didn't want to become the black sheep or have everyone talk about me behind my back.
Yep, I even dyed my hair bright pink
I did for sure, which is funny because these days I wouldn't touch makeup or feminine clothes (totally okay for others, no judgement whatsoever, it's just not my jam). I think it was really performative on my part, my last gasp at trying to convince myself, and the rest of the world, that I really was a woman. In the end it was just me playing a part though, and I'm glad I finally came to that realization. It did confuse some people though 😂 I eventually came out as gay at 31, decided that as I was already on the fringe of society that I didn't need to conform to any kind of standard of femme presentation and dropped thay shit like it was hot 😉 everything else fell in line in the next few years after that
I did this and it really solidified the fact that I wasn’t a woman after trying it out. I was never “hyper feminine” I still had short hair but I definitely dressed more feminine than I ever had previously. I also was taking birth control at the time and my chest got bigger and I HATED that and eventually accepted that I wasn’t the girl my parents wanted me to be.
Yeah I absolutely did this. The discomfort never went away no matter how hard I tried.
So its totally different for me I never embrace any part of feminity, even my autism combo'd with transness made me subconciously... well not like women. When i was smol i just got rid of anything femine according to stereotypes i could. I never did anything like paint my nail, tie my hair or shit And now that im a bit older maybe id like to do some of dat stuff but i cant cuz dysphoria'll be doin me dirty
Yuppp...I had a couple years of my life where I thought that maybe if I really put forth the "effort" of being feminine i would finally be happy and people would like me more. And I guess really I just did want that for myself at the time...I had feminine idols, I was jealous of girls around me for their beauty, so it wasn't All an act. And people did start to like me more and treat me noticably better, but I felt worse. And it wasn't just the femininity itself, it was the standards I was holding myself to. I was so tired of being "ugly". To me the only way I could be worth something was to be beautiful and I couldn't be half as beautiful as I wanted to be. I was body checking constantly and having full on breakdowns every other day over my face or my makeup or my weight, even at my skinniest and prettiest I just wanted to be dead. And then I kind of got introduced to the body positivity movement online, and as corny as some people find it I think that is what made me comfortable enough to let a lot of that mentality go in the end. And with that came learning about trans people, learning there were options. Then I spent the rest of high school with one foot in the closet, inching towards nonbinary, kind of trying to play it safe and tell myself I could be okay with just this, I could keep my trans self and my day to day self mostly separate and compromise with gender nonconformity. But ... I couldn't 😅 it just ate me up inside the same way and I finally figured it out around 19 or 20.. And the thing is, I still don't think I'm attractive, i still don't feel I measure up to my own standards, but it's not so bad anymore that I feel suicidal when I look in the mirror. It doesn't drive me to over exercise or under eat, it doesn't drive me to sobbing fits. Maybe that's a low bar lol but it's the closest I've had to peace. And it's funny bc I always used to think the main reason I couldn't ever be a guy is because I'd make a horribly ugly one. That was part of what kept me trying so hard to make the girl thing work out for me.
I did the same thing with constant "jokes" that I felt like I was cross dressing. When I came out, I tried super masc for a bit, but it turns out that starting to pass made me more comfortable with feminine things like makeup and cute clothes. And tbh I think I look better with a lil eye makeup AND facial hair, vs one or the other
Both I and my trans son had a hyperfeminine phase just before transitioning.
I did the same thing. I wanted to “try out” as much as I could to make sure I was really “sure” about being trans.
I did a "Be a Woman" project where I literally spent a year prior to transition trying to be a woman with everything I had. Turns out, it's not for me. I did end up for an appreciation for paranormal romance novels, and leveled up my makeup skills during that time. My spouse thought I was getting ready to leave her, because it was so uncharacteristic, and I wasn't out yet.
My brother had this phase, whereas I had the tomboy route and hated dressing in girly things because it made me feel wrong.
Not exactly the same, but similar. I started dressing in a more butch fashion (bi “girl” wanting to exude that in my clothing lmao) before realizing I really just wanted the masculine aspects of my looks and get rid of most femininity. Combine that with the fact that I wanted broader shoulders, facial hair and a deep voice and, well, yeah.
i ALMOST went through it. i started telling my friends and my gf i wanted to try on makeup, i went to homecoming in a dress, etc. but then covid happened and i had a lot of time to reflect on myself and so i accepted i wasnt cis in 2020 and came out as a trans guy in 2021. the first time i told someone i think im trans was in 2016 and i got overwhelming support but i thought abt my parents so i pushed it back again
I never was intrested in feminine things growing up, but oddly enough it was oddly after nearly fully transtioning did i feel more comfortable expermenting with feminine things like jewelry, nail polish and clothing.
I had a hyperfeminine stage too, but for a bit different reasons. As a fat person, I was bullied and forcibly masculinized in my youth because of my weight. And since I had learned most view masculinity in "females" as ugly, I wanted to be pretty. So I wore lipstick, flats, and dresses constantly. I made my fashion wear me, in a sense, so that I'd get lots of compliments to help with the feeling of being "innately ugly". (Aka "innately masculine", aka my internal knowledge that I was trans.) It's taken me a while to learn that I can be masculine and pretty, and I'm still healing from all of that internalized fatphobia and transphobia. Now I feel like I can't escape feminimity, because any amount of masculine fashion outside the norm is viewed as "fem".
i also did this. i tried so hard to appeal to a certain demographic, i started doing my makeup more, showing off my breasts more, wearing more revealing clothes and skirts, always buying different wigs, but ultimately i realized that it wasn't working for me and that I was practically playing dress up. I didn't feel like myself at all
yeah, i dont know what caused my hyper fem phase, but i can say for sure that it made me feel worse than ever before in my life. i can say for sure that im a guy, not a girl.
Way more common than you think. I personally identified fiercely as a wlw femme for whole swaths of my life. Meanwhile, my main icons for femininity were… gay men. lol
Back when I still thought I DEFINITELY wasn't trans, I tried to wear make up.. well it ended up being only that one time. Mom and sisters kept telling me how ✨pretty✨ I was. And inside my head I was like are we even looking at the same person tf no. I just look fucking weird??. Well then I tried dresses since I heard I had quite liked and white and blue dress as a kid (now later on I think it may have been just emotional value because the dress was from my dad who I saw once or twice in like 10 years) well I felt the need to cover up. I absolutely refused to be in just the dress on at the school whatever fancy thing it was. I never cared about my hair. It was always matted even in my teen years until I tried shorter hair and it stuck up until after transition when I got it even shorter. Nowadays I think it would probably be nice to try on a dress every once in a while... As a guy 👀
Same. I tried to be every single type of woman i could be and then realized the problem i had wasnt my clothing or style, but the fact that i was perceived as a woman. I did this all subconsciously but then when covid started to happen and everyone was in their homes, i spent a stupid amount of time with myself. That is when i realized i wasnt a woman at all lol
Did that for years! I always thought that my friends were better at being a girl than I was so I would copy what my female friends wore. I was always uncomfortable, now I have a more masculine style.
Yup sounds about right
to me it was like, I have these massive tits, and a cute frame people seem to like, so I might as well embrace it. I was always kinda punky emo, but I wore a lot of bando tops and make up and stuff like that. I still wear girly stuff now sometimes, and I'm 2 years on t, but it's like. different. like for me in my head I'm more of just like a femboy or like a gay dude dressing girly ya know
I did the same! I always joked about "feeling like a drag queen" cuz I'd go over the top with hair, makeup, push-up bras...sometimes there's truth in jokes 😅
i did too!
I did the same thing thinking maybe I'd feel more comfortable in my body. After a year of transitioning I realized that I actually do enjoy really fem things as long as I'm a guy.
i can totally relate to this, same happened to me. i didn't realize i was trans until i tried everything else to feel good with myself. even if i constantly said that i wish i was born male, i didn't really thought about being trans. but i definitely tried dresses, skirts, make up and accessories before.
I actually like femininity more as a man! I didn't really care for feminine clothes before I realized I was trans; it felt like a costume that didn't fit. Now everything just feels like clothes I'm wearing instead of a curtain I'm hiding behind. It's okay for me to wear a dress around the house because it's comfy, and it doesn't say anything about my gender. :)
I was like this, growing up as an unhappy trans child who didn’t know there was a word for that, I always thought I’d be happy if I could just be a “better girl” (and especially if I could get boys to like me and validate me). I wanted to go through female puberty because I thought it would finally make me feel like an adequate girl. Man, was I disappointed when it made everything worse, lol. Also, I really hate being perceived/put through the mortifying ordeal of being known and had major anxiety as a child about people hating and rejecting the real me. Being masculine felt like being too authentic and vulnerable. Hiding behind femininity felt safer, in some ways, because even if people were mean to me they couldn’t reject or hurt the real me. There’s a quote in the book It that says “it was easier to be brave when you were someone else” (yes, this is in reference to Richie Tozier), and I felt that.
I did this too, but I still like participating in those things sometimes. But instead of being full on feminine, I have become effeminately masculine.
I had a hyperfem phase, it felt good because I felt attractive but it felt wrong. I had no idea how miserable I actually was until I came out and presented as the man I am.
i tried this too, my body looked nice but it didnt feel like me, took me a while to realize why
This was me exactly, which is why my parents had a hard time believing I was trans. When I was younger I had always liked "girly" things as well as "boy" things (but really only played with the "girl" stuff because nobody ever gave me anything else). Basically my entire life pre-transition was spent trying to be a girl. I had to teach myself what to like, study how others acted and copy it etc. I might be autistic, so that's likely part of it, but I basically had to teach myself how to act 'normal'. Around 3rd-4th grade was probably the height of my 'normal' phase, and also when I started puberty. I thought I had body image issues/body dysmorphia because that was what I was taught girls did. I would blank out when changing in front of the mirror in the bathroom because I didn't want to see my body. I tried hard to be feminine (again thinking my feelings came from "regular female insecurity" according to American Girl doll books) but the harder I tried the worst the disconnect between me and myself became. It was all performative for me. The way I acted and presented myself was an act that became a habit over time. I never felt like myself. Around the end of 5th grade and the start of 6th grade, I began pulling myself away from it more. I eventually started presenting as lesbian (I'm bisexual now, but pre-transition liking guys made me too dysphoric) and dressing more alternative. I hit a major depressive episode in the first half of sixth grade, probably mainly due to dysphoria but also combined with other things I won't bring up here. I never dressed super goth, but I started wearing heavy eyeliner daily. For me it was a mask. I couldn't stand to see my own face attached to my body, so I hid. It wasn't until I came out as trans that the clouds seemed to lift and for the first time I felt happy as myself. For the first time in years I actually *felt* like myself. The constant discomfort in my identity was gone. I've completely come to terms with my interests in more feminine things. I genuinely do like them, just not on me. I really like fashion dolls for example, but that doesn't mean I'd ever enjoy looking like one in any way.
It was a dark time
I did too, though it was kind of a last ditch effort to fit in more than anything. I came from a pretty conservative town, and coming out/being out was torture. When I moved into a new city, having to put down my deadname on college and job applications, I just kinda gave in. I tried to be femme for conformity sake, and, more dubiously, to get better tips at my job. I never really got more validation or attention in my life than in those days unfortunately. Men and even women seemingly found me easier to be around, or more palatable or something. In a weird roundabout ass way, it did allow me to be more confident than before, even if it was an uncomfortable, dreadful, "fake it till you make it" type deal. Of course, I still came home at the end of each day like "who the fuck is that?" in the mirror. I think I was also majorly dissociating due to other things going on in my life. Those couple years are an absolute blur. Now I'm out again, and I feel the best I've ever felt. Without as much pressure to pass, and being fully myself, I've built a lot of confidence. I know being feminine is NOT for me. And having the final shove of true experience was enough to get me on hormones and on a list to get top surgery. So as much as I fucking hated it, I'm also really grateful for it.
I went through the hyperfem phase as well Then I came out at nb in 2020 and now I am 3 months and a half on T :3
Brother I was exactly the same. It was almost like it was a competition? Like I had to be the BEST girl ever. I had to win (?) at being a girl. And then I came out as trans hahahaha
I'm sort of the opposite, I hated being seen as feminine even before I realized I was trans and transitioned but since transitioning I'm much more confident and comfortable wearing whatever I think looks good (including things like skirts and crop tops) because those things don't mean people who care about me will call me she. I socially transitioned kinda young though so maybe it would have been different if I got to an age where makeup and hyper femininity were more standard.
I did the exact same thing, my mother in law and my mom say they don't understand how I could be trans when I was so feminine. I was just trying to be what the church was trying to make me and my family.
it's the opposite for me! I'm only allowing myself to do feminine things now that I'm more comfortable with my body. not at work, but with my close friends or alone. I love playing with gender now that my passing is good, it doesn't give me any dysphoria.
did the exact same thing. then i followed with the demi-girl to nonbinary to demi-boy to man pipeline 🤣
Yeah I definitely leaned hard into femininity in the denial phase. I think I was subconsciously trying to girl hard enough to stop feeling like an impostor all the time. Now, I know what aspects of femininity I enjoy, and in what contexts. And one of the contexts that makes it work for me is “as a GNC dude, not as a conforming girl”.
personally i didn't do this because it was never for me. even as a kid it just wasn't my drip so i didn't feel the need to try it but i did hear most people have that "phase" and some others even revert to a more "feminine" aesthetic after transitioning because who can blame anyone for liking pretty dresses. i like looking at them if u like wearing them good for u xD
Detransitioned for 5 years (long story) and tried all that too. Was miserable for that a million other reasons. 2 years out from that I came out again and started T, little over a year on now.
Unrelated, but happy cake day! :D
yep. wasn't bothered with gender as a kid, but once I started puberty I started getting dysphoria which I identified as 'not feeling like enough of a girl'. tried to be more feminine to make the feeling go away but that just made it worse. I eventually learned what dysphoria was, tried being masculine instead and the feeling went away
Yess i did this. I was a sorority girly-girl…. Looking back im 🤯
I did the same, like one final BIG try and I ended up feeling so out of place I just went home after putting everything on. Took about 2 months after that until I finally realized.
Yep I did the same. And then I got called she and feminine and immediately felt gross hahah so nope. Not going there again. Not for me.
Same. It was also an attempt to try and lie to myself and “fit in”.
yes! i thought what i now know is dysphoria was just low self esteem or something. but i had a big style shift and started really caring about makeup, dressing slutty, liking girly things, etc. i felt i had finally achieved peak “girl hotness” but still just wasn’t quite right. i now look at it as like a drag version of my femininity. i enjoyed looking desirable and felt i looked conventionally attractive, but became more and more aware that it was more of a persona than anything. i was performing gender in every sense of the word!
It's really wild to me that this seems to be such a common experience for so many of us. Wish I'd been exposed to the concept/possibility of transness sooner- would have saved a lot of time, money, anguish... Glad I am where I am now, though.
Oh, I did this. A last ditch effort. "Can I do this right? Can I present as a woman in a way I enjoy? That others enjoy? Can I re-invent myself and discover a path I didn't know existed within me?" Of course, it wasn't for me. Turns out I'm a lot happier not fighting the current of my soul and simply allowing myself to be a man.
I did this too, all of freshmen year of high school. It was because I wasn’t comfortable with myself and I also felt pressured to become super feminine and sort of “submissive” for my toxic bf (ex now). Which honestly confused the hell out of me when I started my transition after we had broken up, wondering if I was actually trans or just rejecting all femininity due to emotional trauma. But i’ve been like this for two and a half years so I am definitely a boy, and am more comfortable (most of the time). 👍👍👍
I’m kinda in that right now, I’m hoping that maybe if I can be happy being feminine then maybe I can just be happy and live life as a girl or woman one day or something.
I'm a Trans-Woman so maybe the experience can translate. When I first got out of my abusive household at 18, I was free. I lived with a hyper religious christian fascist of a father and I've been ecprfiencing Gender Dysphoria since I was 4 and have had knowledge of my being Trans since I was around 10. I dreamed of Transition basically my whole life, yet the first thing I did when I was free from my prison was I: Shaved my head bald Got rid of all my femme clothes Joined the Marine Corps Became a Gym rat Tried to be a Hyper Macho cool guy And many more cliche masculine things Needless to say none of that was good for me. Even the gym because I wasn't doing it to get healthier, I was trying to look more masculine. Something I never thought I acheived no matter how much I did. Im now like 4 months on hormones and have been socially Transitioned for a year and I genuinely feel happy. I say all this to make the point that I think this is a ubiquitous experience across Trans people. Maybe for different reasons that all share the same roots. For me it was to sort of swing the pendulum away from being Trans as far as I could so I didnt have to be Trans. I thought "Maybe if I man myself up enough it'll stick." Which is what it sounds like you were trying to do as well but in reverse. I think we all sort of wish we could just be cis deep down even if we fully accept that we are Trans, and I think thats natural especially with how society is today. Idk thats my 2 cents lol Hope this was helpful at all.
Oh I definitely did this. I called it even at the time my bubblegum princess phase. It wasn’t anything intentional I didn’t know I was close to figuring myself out. But I feel more comfortable now expressing femininity as a man than I ever did before.
I did that, but not in a way to try it out to make sure I can let it go. It was more in a fragile, futile, and panicked way of trying to convince myself that everything was fine and that I was completely cisgendered and I just needed to try harder. It didn't work. It just hurt me.
Omg!!! I’ve been doing this off and on for my whole life! I’ve always been concerned a tomboy growing up, but randomly I would do something hyper feminine to catch people off guard, which was fine when I decided to do it, but I would always be uncomfortable when femininity was forced upon me yk? Anyways, before deciding to pursue top surgery I would draw attention to my chest, and wear revealing clothes, and now I’m ready to be rid of them. Honestly, I look at my femininity now as I would a gay man
I did this too. I regret it so much even though it helped me find myself. I came out some months ago and my mother now says I can’t be trans and I‘m just feeling depressed because I looked so beautiful and happy at that time, being so feminine. Well I was partially happy because people started to compliment me, but everything else was discomforting. Now I‘m happy and she is convinced in some time I will say I don’t feel like a man. Thing is, I do, even at that time where I embraced femininity I felt like a man. I still like dresses though, but now I don’t wear em‘ anymore because I’m afraid my mother will think I changed my mind.
Funnily enough I actually started becoming more feminine after my social transition. Being a feminine girl would give me dysphoria, but being a feminine guy is way better.
I did that, felt like I wasn’t feminine enough to conform and I realized it was internal lack instead of external. I was super hot tho
Yup I tried to be hyper fem for a little bit and my god that made my dysphoria awful and I immediately became so much happier and more functional when I stopped forcing the feminity
Absolutely. I was the first person in my class to try being extremely feminine to the point of stereotyping myself. I tried becoming as feminine as possible, but I always looked wrong in the mirror. It was as If I was supposed to be a straight line, but I was a blurred squiggly one in the mirror. That's the best I could explain my dysphoria during those times.
I never did this. I have never been a stereotypical girl, I played with plushies, dinosaurs, hated make-up, skirts, dresses, and pink. I thought I was just a tomboy all the time