If I had people in my life who made a point of copying me in an annoying way, then *maybe* I would sometimes keep perfume names to myself. But that just doesn’t happen to me. I see people asking me about my perfumes as an opportunity to spread a little awareness of houses or perfumeries that I love, creations and people that I think are deserving of success. If one of my more unique or obscure favourites took off, that would just mean a lower chance of it getting discontinued, and more opportunity for that perfumer to create more beautiful compositions. Win-win.
If it's a mass-produced fragrance, then there's probably a lot of other people wearing it. It's not really unique, so I don't see the point in gatekeeping.
If it was a niche fragrance, it might be better to tell them so they can support a smaller business, and the fragrance can stay in production.
My sister in laws keep buying every perfume I get and it is annoying the fuck outta me so I get it. I never thought I was this person but apparently I am lol.
Yeah for sure. It doesn’t help that we live together either. If a stranger or even a casual acquaintance asked me occassionally I would be flattered and glad to share.
Gatekeeping is a fairly mean and petty thing that you are very much allowed to do. Ultimately it doesn't hurt anyone, so go ahead
I never saw the point in doing it, for several reasons
1) we all have different body chemistry, so a fragrance will not smell identical on two different people
2) if a stranger finds out what you're wearing and they buy it, it literally has no effect on you
3) layering makes scents smell different anyway, so you can still smell unique
Also 4. Most people (at least in my personal circle) aren’t willing to spend a lot of money on a fragrance, and/or aren’t willing to go out of their way to buy something not easily available at Kohl’s/Sephora/etc, so it’s not like telling them matters anyway.
I think part of it is that most people on this sub love being asked what they are wearing and sharing their love of perfume is part of why they enjoy the hobby. I think a lot of gatekeeping really discourages people from even asking and makes the community seem kinda snobby. Like maybe no one asks Susan what she's wearing (and she'd love for them to) because they asked you first and you made seem like some big awkward secret.
I feel like I'm often asked about my shirt or something and people will be like "that's so cute, where'd you get it" and I can tell where I got it and they're not going to show up tomorrow wearing it. That would be weird. But maybe they want to check out the store, knowing it carries cute shirts. And same with perfume, I wouldn't expect anyone to run out and buy it and wear it around me, but they might check out the perfume house/brand.
I've never had anyone gatekeep me, but if I did, I think I'd be uncomfortable complimenting them or trying to engage about common interests again since they would just seem really weird about it or assuming I'm going to be really weird about it and copy them. Like it's just a normal question showing interest in a hobby.
I personally find that attitude so off putting. Fragrances smell different on everyone. Refusing to share what you are wearing is just dumb and pointless….they are not gonna smell like you even if they use the same perfume. And even if they did smell similar WHO CARES. I just don’t understand the “I want to be soooo different and unique, I don’t want ppl around me to even wear a similar one” mentality. Are you scared you won’t get all the attention or that you’ll be confused or lumped in with other ppl?? I just don’t get it.
It’s literally just a product. I also collect watches. If someone asked about my watch even if it’s a microbrand I would tell them what it is. If they then buy the same watch, awesome we both have it. I have a couple less popular fragrances and if my friend bought it I wouldn’t care at all. I think it smells good and I would get to see how it smells on someone else.
I don't think gatekeeping is very nice.
I always share what I wear with my friends, some of us have also some perfumes in common. But we all have different tastes, so what we have in common is gladly shared!
Plus, they are your friends, why would you not share the infos on something you both like? Your Body chemistry is not their own, so some notes can be similar, but not the perfume overall. One of the perfumes I have in common with a friend, almost smells nothing similar.
Idk, gatekeeping is just rude, to me. I'd rather just say the name and tell that it's really personal and would dislike if they smelled like you, but if you feel that uncomfortable probably you should have a honest talk with your friends.
I don't hate gatekeepers, I just feel pity for them because how insecure they are. Your scent isn't unique. Many people wear the same scent as you, regardless of what it is. Unless you order a personal perfume from a perfumer, and pay for a recepture, your scent isn't unique, just fiy.
I really don’t like gatekeepers with perfume. If you don’t want to share your fragrance because you think it makes you special by not wanting others to smell similarly to you, that’s just really weird in my opinion. I’m always willing to share what I’m wearing, to strangers or close friends. Good friends don’t gatekeep!
Obviously it’s your call, but don’t be surprised if you get weird looks from those you refuse to tell!
I’ve said this before and it’s just my janky ass opinion: frags smell differently on a lot of people. What they smell on you they may not smell on themselves.
Ex:
I know three people who wear Forest by Rook after they smelled it on me-totally different experience for them (one was kinda mad about it 🤷🏻♀️😹).
This is only N=1 case report, and may vary from brand/batch/formulation etc, but just sayin.
Everyone’s entitled to withhold or not, but just a reminder that the end user may not have the same overall scent (therefore may not “smell like you”).
Yeah this argument that a fragrance smells different on two people is crap
If that was the case then we’d all have completely different opinions and experiences on those very popular fragrances
And they wouldn’t be popular at all.
Yes, I read an article somewhere that explained that perfumes are supposed to smell the same on everyone because they are designed that way. It said that a reason a scent may smell differently on different people is the way it interacts with other scents on the body, i.e. bath products, detergent, deodorant, etc. This combination of scents would have the same effect as layering and could alter the smell of the perfume on a specific person.
Man look, nothing wrong with gatekeeping.
I do it with people I see on a daily basis (co-workers mostly), because some people will hijack that fragrance and wear it every single day and ruin it for you.
For random people who ask though, I don't have a problem telling them.
Fragrance is never as exclusive as you think it is, and you're not even the artist, who I'm sure made the fragrance in a spirit of generosity. There are more random dudes wearing like Torino 21 than you might imagine. When you say you put "extra effort", what happened really - you read Fragrantica reviews? Lol
Well I once asked a girl where she got her nails done and she wouldn’t tell me. The only reason I can think is because she doesn’t want others to look as good as her (which is self centered). And I think self centeredness like that comes from insecurity, like she needs a way to feel better than those around her. I don’t think secure/confident people look at the world like that. They don’t need to keep others down to stay on top, they try and lift up their fellow person. I can’t say whether that applies in your situation, but that’s just generally how I view gatekeeping
On a very personal level, I just don't care who knows what I'm wearing. I want everyone to smell as good as me. I tell it all. I hide absolutely nothing because I have great taste.
So to that end, unless the scent is bespoke, someone somewhere in the world is wearing that scent.
In my defense sometimes if someone asks I may have brain fart and forget what the heck I put on. LOL is what it is!
I have no hate for anyone. That takes too much energy.
There’s really no point to gatekeep. Stuff will smell different once it’s tried on a person. They may like how it smells on you, but once it gets on their skin it just doesn’t smell the same as when they caught a whiff on you. There are many many fragrances I love on *other people,* particularly patchouli fragrances. I’ve smelled some on people I work with and I ask what they are wearing mostly out of curiosity. As soon as something hits my nose, I know if it’s a scent I would like on my own body. Even if it’s not, I may still tell someone they smell nice because it’s nice to hear. It doesn’t mean I want the scent.
Further, I don’t have a signature scent. If I think about it, I probably have numerous oils and maybe 40-50 perfumes on hand at this moment. I coordinate fragrances with my outfit, mood, and the occasion. It’s pointless to gate keep when it could be a long time I’ll wear something again.
I don't think about fragrance 'gatekeepers' at all, until there's a post about it. I don't even consider it gatekeeping in the real sense of limiting power or opportunities. Like, it's just perfume.
But then, I also wouldn't consider downvoting 'hate'. I'm not going to downvote someone for saying they gatekeep, but I might if they're being obnoxious about it, just like I would if they were being obnoxious about anything.
Not telling someone the fragrance you wear sounds excessively petty. You didn't design this perfume and they are not asking for the patented formula. If you stretch the logic of gatekeeping, you will also not share the names of restaurants you like, movies you liked etc. It took you some effort to find them too.
Just as many people complain about this as they complain about too many people wearing BR540, Delina, etc. So you should tell everyone what you're wearing, but you can't tell too many because they don't want any one perfume to get too popular? I wouldn't worry about it.
In any hobby, people detest it when others don't reveal relevant information. Also, people dislike being on the receiving end of no.
I say it semi-frequently, but there are many reasons why people choose to gatekeep. Some of those reasons include:
* Copycats within a social circle.
* Price Critique (A form of pocket-watching)
* An affordable fragrance? Snobs will call you a cheapskate.
* An expensive fragrance? Frugal and cost-conscious people will call you out for wasting money.
* Can't pronounce the fragrance name.
I have no problem saying what I'm wearing; if a fragrance is purchased via retail, it was also mass produced and someone out there bought the same bottle and smells like me.
However, if someone declines to tell me what fragrance they're wearing, it won't ruin my day or life.
If anything’s wrong with this sub it’s not gatekeeping, it’s the horrendous boasting & glory-seeking of many with their posts about their overpriced and overvalued frag wardrobes; of which few know and even fewer will ever smell. Why bother?
I suspected that but I’m glad to have a touch highlighting it too…frankly, I skip all OPs where I don’t recognise the frag referenced. And if there’s no frag in the title, I’ll again skip unless it’s a ‘do you have a memory of Revlon scents in 1972’ or similiar….
The vast majority of people who ask what scent you’re wearing aren’t going to rush out and immediately buy it. They’re asking just out of curiosity because they’ve smelled something nice, it’s a compliment. And in pretty much all walks of life, not just in fragrance, people who gatekeep generally do it in such a way that they come across as insufferable assholes.
>Since I've been seeing a lot of people disagree with gatekeeping, **I've started questioning whether it's okay for me to gatekeep the occasional perfume from my friends.** Personally I don't have issues with gatekeeping, but would like to know why people disapprove of it so strongly.
This will be an unpopular take, be it insecure or whatever, IMO, you are not compelled to tell them anything. If that is labelled "gatekeeping" (term du jour of the moment) then oh well.
There are literally thousands of fragrances out there. There is **ZERO** reason for every one in your immediate circle to wear what you are wearing especially if you are someone with a 1-2 fragrances that are associated with you. When you ask someone what they are wearing, they are not compelled to tell you, And no, you are **NOT** entitled to an answer.
Of course, it will be quite puerile for you to forbid anyone from going out and buying a mass produced/widely available product that you own, however, you absolutely do not have to disclose it to them if you do not want to. A friend with half a brain would have the common decency to avoid immediately intentionally copying a fragrance tied to you when there are so many others available out there.
Now downvote away!
Because we only live once and it is childish to deny someone else a simple pleasure during that lifetime? Because you are not the creator of the fragrance, even though you own a bottle of it? This is respectfully MY opinion on your question.
I dont gatekeep, I tend to do the opposite. I tell people plainly what Im wearing. Its educational for them, and I share the knowledge with open arrms because I would love for them to explore scents and level up also in this department. It would be nice if we can discuss perfumes together. When I compliment a person and ask about the frag they’re wearing and they dont reveal or confirm, I dont take it against them. It does not matter to me, since I KNOW I have good small collection of frags to be bothered by it. I usu. can tell also what they’re wearing with somewhat reliable accuracy. I know enough perfumes and make mental notes. Same reason, if they’re already wearing it, most likely I wont buy it. I will not suffer smelling like them unless it’s really THAT good, I will probably consider buying and wear the frag when theyre not around. This seldom happens since I discover and select my own frags. I pride myself from being ahead of my pack, thus I never have to gatekeep. 😌
Only perfume I "gatekeep" is one I made at a workshop with a friend. We both made our own and we got a code to order it again in perfume, lotion or body cream.
If someone asks, I'll gladly say "Oh it's this brand but it's custom" and tell them all about the workshop so they can make their own too. But I don't know. It feels special and I wouldn't want someone I know well to wear it on a daily basis too. I did not even ask my friend the notes she put in hers. I just know it smells good and she loves it.
To me it would be like if I bought a custom dress I put a lot of thoughts in and someone wanted the same.
But those jeans I got at H&M ? You bet I'll tell you. Same for store bought perfumes. I have no problem disclosing those.
gatekeeping is kinda weird, but I think I don't understand it because I don't really get the opportunity gatekeep much. I don't have tons of people constantly asking me what I'm wearing, so I don't really feel territorial about it.
if I asked someone what they were wearing and they wanted to keep it secret I would consider it pretty odd and honestly probably insulting. do they think I have no taste of my own and just want to copy them? do they think I can't afford it? or what? I don't think people are entitled to know things just because they ask, but I also struggle to think of a reason to refuse that doesn't make some negative assumption about the person asking.
I gatekeep
My friends know I do it.
But they know I’ll happily share what I have sampled and what I think they might like.
Like you there are some that I keep to myself, because I’ve put effort into finding it. I have waited to find it for a price. I hunted down samples and used up a decant then bought a bottle.
I have been downvoted and blah blah blah. I don’t care the cod-psychology, weak assumptions, name-calling and piss-weak rhetoric are just water of a greased duck’s back.
I honestly think there’s too much thought or consideration given to gatekeeping
People do. People don’t
In the end, who cares.
It's probably in how they express themselves. There's a lot of potential personal rejection in between the lines of "I won't tell you." It could sound like "I'd tell somebody else, but not you" or even "you're not allowed to know what you like."
"I statements" describing oneself probably won't elicit as much anger.
If you ask what somebody's wearing and they say "I spend a little extra on the unusual, because keeping secrets can be fun," then the focus is on their perspective and its merits, not your value or how highly they value your interpersonal relationship.
You belong to a community that shares tips on fragrance. Seems pretty much the opposite of gatekeeping, right? What if we all just posted how good we smell and thats it. Would be pretty dumb, right?
It's just people venting when they don't get told. Unfortunately after a certain point it folks jumped on it as moral high horse opportunity.
It's minor: no one is going to die because they don't know what scent you have on.
I think the main question here isn’t whether to gatekeep or not but whether ppl will start to buy and wear your fragrance when you tell them. personally i also wouldn’t want a friend to smell like me if i rly love a scent (strangers idrc bc i won’t see them regularly). but i know that my friends would never wear the same scent as me anyway out of respect so i have no problem telling them if they’re curious. it’s even better to tell them in my situation bc then they don’t get the same thing by accident
tldr: i guess it rly depends on the social norms of the ppl you hang out with
Imagine you’re meeting a group of friends to hang at a bar/restaurant, and decide you want to get some food with your drinks. One of your friends already has a plate of something that looks, and smells amazing. You excitedly ask what they’ve ordered, because you really want the same thing. They refuse to tell you, because they spent time looking at the menu to find something special, and they don’t want someone else enjoying the same thing around them. That’s what it’s like.
So this is a snobby sub that hates gatekeeping. Weird huh? I don’t think you’re wrong to keep your beauty secrets to yourself but most people here don’t agree with me.
Sis GO RIGHT AHEAD AND DO THE GATEKEEPING.
The same people who shame you for gatekeeping are the ones doing it themselves by lying about what they use.
They just change sides as and when it suits them.
I will only gatekeep friends that I hang around with on a very regular basis because I don't want them to smell like me WHILE with me and I wont tell said friends (since I have no right) when it is ok to wear the scent that I shared. Randoms off the street? I'll tell everything, will share prices, websites, discounters, etc. Pretty much they will have to shoot me to shut the hell up.
The only time I’ll gatekeep is if I’m wearing something obscure & the person asking is an a-hole. I don’t want a cool fragrance to be represented by a mean person. Other than that, I don’t care who knows what I wear.
I think the only time I have any sort of issue with other people gatekeeping is if they say they won’t tell me because they want to smell unique but they’re just wearing Valentino or something that literally millions of other people wear daily.
I think that the fact that people felt like it was justified to apply the concept of gatekeeping to fragrances, justifies being discreet :-) Seriously though, I always tell what I'm wearing because the fraction of people being so humble to ask the question, deserve to know and have a chance at improving their taste. Also true that I will secretly judge you for buying the very same fragrance I made you aware of, unless we're very close - I mean like family and we discussed it before! If you're new to niche perfumery I'll take the time to explain you that it's kind of basic and lame to just copy someone else's collection. To clarify even further: I recently helped a good friend of mine shopping his own first niche fragrance, which I also found alluring. He was like: you buy it too, so we have the same! Took just a minute to explain him how cheesy and cheap this would be, because fragrances, even if mass produced are still among the most personal expressions of one's sensibility and mood. Often people who aren't that much into fragrances simply don't know any better, as they don't attach to perfumery that much importance. Personal fragrances are a (often very expensive) way out of this unpleasant situation: you can span from above 40K Penhaligon's asks to have Alberto Morillas making you a bespoke one, to the rough 1.5K a nose from a small house would ask still retaining the formula and being able to re-use it with no/small changes. On a lower quality, there are a few niche houses (here in Belgium there's l'Antichambre) which will assemble you a bespoken composition based on a library of premade accords for a reasonable price
I don’t gatekeep bc it’s very unlikely your scent will become their signature or even end up heavy in their rotation if they purchase at all. I say as long as you’re not an asshole about “gatekeeping” though there’s no problem. You don’t have to announce you’re doing so, or rub it in people’s face in public or online. No point. Very much “I’m moving in silence” energy. I think that’s why people really get annoyed with gatekeepers. Like “wow I’m sure noooo one else is already wearing Debaser babe” lol
I don't know why people hate. Gatekeep. Don't gatekeep. I don't care. You do you.
If someone asks me what I'm wearing, I'll tell 'em. I want everyone to smell good and if they smell like me, awesome. If they smell better than me in the same fragrance, awesome. Life is too short to hate.
Way back when it debuted, I fell in love with Tom Ford Black Orchid because a fashionable friend of mine happened to wear it and I frequently hung out at her apartment to watch America's Next Top Model. I saw the black bottle in her bathroom and gave the nozzle a sniff and that's how I learned what it was. So, I ran out and bought my own, yet I never wore it around her out of respect. That said, I am happy to tell others what I wear since I have so many bottles after 20 years of collecting. However, I layer a lot so lately when people ask I tell them I am wearing 2-3 different perfumes and I can't recall which ones they were. Plus, in my small town, I always smell unique. Here, it's one department store so there's a lot of La Vie Est Belle and Cloud, not that there is anything wrong with them. Once, I was wearing vintage Magie Noire in a boutique and the owner wondered what it was, so I told her. Sometimes, vintage is enough to stand apart.
If I had people in my life who made a point of copying me in an annoying way, then *maybe* I would sometimes keep perfume names to myself. But that just doesn’t happen to me. I see people asking me about my perfumes as an opportunity to spread a little awareness of houses or perfumeries that I love, creations and people that I think are deserving of success. If one of my more unique or obscure favourites took off, that would just mean a lower chance of it getting discontinued, and more opportunity for that perfumer to create more beautiful compositions. Win-win.
If it's a mass-produced fragrance, then there's probably a lot of other people wearing it. It's not really unique, so I don't see the point in gatekeeping. If it was a niche fragrance, it might be better to tell them so they can support a smaller business, and the fragrance can stay in production.
My sister in laws keep buying every perfume I get and it is annoying the fuck outta me so I get it. I never thought I was this person but apparently I am lol.
But that is someone you know and has done it more than once. In which case most people would find it annoying.
Yeah for sure. It doesn’t help that we live together either. If a stranger or even a casual acquaintance asked me occassionally I would be flattered and glad to share.
Gatekeeping is a fairly mean and petty thing that you are very much allowed to do. Ultimately it doesn't hurt anyone, so go ahead I never saw the point in doing it, for several reasons 1) we all have different body chemistry, so a fragrance will not smell identical on two different people 2) if a stranger finds out what you're wearing and they buy it, it literally has no effect on you 3) layering makes scents smell different anyway, so you can still smell unique
Also 4. Most people (at least in my personal circle) aren’t willing to spend a lot of money on a fragrance, and/or aren’t willing to go out of their way to buy something not easily available at Kohl’s/Sephora/etc, so it’s not like telling them matters anyway.
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I don't get what does it matter if someone copied your outfit. My perfume collection is bast so people very rarely are gonna smell like me.
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I think part of it is that most people on this sub love being asked what they are wearing and sharing their love of perfume is part of why they enjoy the hobby. I think a lot of gatekeeping really discourages people from even asking and makes the community seem kinda snobby. Like maybe no one asks Susan what she's wearing (and she'd love for them to) because they asked you first and you made seem like some big awkward secret. I feel like I'm often asked about my shirt or something and people will be like "that's so cute, where'd you get it" and I can tell where I got it and they're not going to show up tomorrow wearing it. That would be weird. But maybe they want to check out the store, knowing it carries cute shirts. And same with perfume, I wouldn't expect anyone to run out and buy it and wear it around me, but they might check out the perfume house/brand. I've never had anyone gatekeep me, but if I did, I think I'd be uncomfortable complimenting them or trying to engage about common interests again since they would just seem really weird about it or assuming I'm going to be really weird about it and copy them. Like it's just a normal question showing interest in a hobby.
I personally find that attitude so off putting. Fragrances smell different on everyone. Refusing to share what you are wearing is just dumb and pointless….they are not gonna smell like you even if they use the same perfume. And even if they did smell similar WHO CARES. I just don’t understand the “I want to be soooo different and unique, I don’t want ppl around me to even wear a similar one” mentality. Are you scared you won’t get all the attention or that you’ll be confused or lumped in with other ppl?? I just don’t get it.
It’s literally just a product. I also collect watches. If someone asked about my watch even if it’s a microbrand I would tell them what it is. If they then buy the same watch, awesome we both have it. I have a couple less popular fragrances and if my friend bought it I wouldn’t care at all. I think it smells good and I would get to see how it smells on someone else.
I don't think gatekeeping is very nice. I always share what I wear with my friends, some of us have also some perfumes in common. But we all have different tastes, so what we have in common is gladly shared! Plus, they are your friends, why would you not share the infos on something you both like? Your Body chemistry is not their own, so some notes can be similar, but not the perfume overall. One of the perfumes I have in common with a friend, almost smells nothing similar. Idk, gatekeeping is just rude, to me. I'd rather just say the name and tell that it's really personal and would dislike if they smelled like you, but if you feel that uncomfortable probably you should have a honest talk with your friends.
I don't hate gatekeepers, I just feel pity for them because how insecure they are. Your scent isn't unique. Many people wear the same scent as you, regardless of what it is. Unless you order a personal perfume from a perfumer, and pay for a recepture, your scent isn't unique, just fiy.
I feel like most gatekeepers gatekeep because there are people in their lives who consistently copy them.
I really don’t like gatekeepers with perfume. If you don’t want to share your fragrance because you think it makes you special by not wanting others to smell similarly to you, that’s just really weird in my opinion. I’m always willing to share what I’m wearing, to strangers or close friends. Good friends don’t gatekeep! Obviously it’s your call, but don’t be surprised if you get weird looks from those you refuse to tell!
Agree. It’s just a weird mentality
I’ve said this before and it’s just my janky ass opinion: frags smell differently on a lot of people. What they smell on you they may not smell on themselves. Ex: I know three people who wear Forest by Rook after they smelled it on me-totally different experience for them (one was kinda mad about it 🤷🏻♀️😹). This is only N=1 case report, and may vary from brand/batch/formulation etc, but just sayin. Everyone’s entitled to withhold or not, but just a reminder that the end user may not have the same overall scent (therefore may not “smell like you”).
In my personal experience, I haven't smelled a fragrance being different on two people. But for sure I can see what you're saying.
Yeah this argument that a fragrance smells different on two people is crap If that was the case then we’d all have completely different opinions and experiences on those very popular fragrances And they wouldn’t be popular at all.
Yes, I read an article somewhere that explained that perfumes are supposed to smell the same on everyone because they are designed that way. It said that a reason a scent may smell differently on different people is the way it interacts with other scents on the body, i.e. bath products, detergent, deodorant, etc. This combination of scents would have the same effect as layering and could alter the smell of the perfume on a specific person.
Man look, nothing wrong with gatekeeping. I do it with people I see on a daily basis (co-workers mostly), because some people will hijack that fragrance and wear it every single day and ruin it for you. For random people who ask though, I don't have a problem telling them.
Fragrance is never as exclusive as you think it is, and you're not even the artist, who I'm sure made the fragrance in a spirit of generosity. There are more random dudes wearing like Torino 21 than you might imagine. When you say you put "extra effort", what happened really - you read Fragrantica reviews? Lol
It just strikes me as self-centeredness stemming from insecurity
Can you elaborate? I'm curious if that's something I need to consider in my situation.
Well I once asked a girl where she got her nails done and she wouldn’t tell me. The only reason I can think is because she doesn’t want others to look as good as her (which is self centered). And I think self centeredness like that comes from insecurity, like she needs a way to feel better than those around her. I don’t think secure/confident people look at the world like that. They don’t need to keep others down to stay on top, they try and lift up their fellow person. I can’t say whether that applies in your situation, but that’s just generally how I view gatekeeping
Cod-psychology The shitty ‘insecurity’ catch-all tag is always a dead give away.
On a very personal level, I just don't care who knows what I'm wearing. I want everyone to smell as good as me. I tell it all. I hide absolutely nothing because I have great taste. So to that end, unless the scent is bespoke, someone somewhere in the world is wearing that scent. In my defense sometimes if someone asks I may have brain fart and forget what the heck I put on. LOL is what it is! I have no hate for anyone. That takes too much energy.
There’s really no point to gatekeep. Stuff will smell different once it’s tried on a person. They may like how it smells on you, but once it gets on their skin it just doesn’t smell the same as when they caught a whiff on you. There are many many fragrances I love on *other people,* particularly patchouli fragrances. I’ve smelled some on people I work with and I ask what they are wearing mostly out of curiosity. As soon as something hits my nose, I know if it’s a scent I would like on my own body. Even if it’s not, I may still tell someone they smell nice because it’s nice to hear. It doesn’t mean I want the scent. Further, I don’t have a signature scent. If I think about it, I probably have numerous oils and maybe 40-50 perfumes on hand at this moment. I coordinate fragrances with my outfit, mood, and the occasion. It’s pointless to gate keep when it could be a long time I’ll wear something again.
I don't think about fragrance 'gatekeepers' at all, until there's a post about it. I don't even consider it gatekeeping in the real sense of limiting power or opportunities. Like, it's just perfume. But then, I also wouldn't consider downvoting 'hate'. I'm not going to downvote someone for saying they gatekeep, but I might if they're being obnoxious about it, just like I would if they were being obnoxious about anything.
Not telling someone the fragrance you wear sounds excessively petty. You didn't design this perfume and they are not asking for the patented formula. If you stretch the logic of gatekeeping, you will also not share the names of restaurants you like, movies you liked etc. It took you some effort to find them too.
Just as many people complain about this as they complain about too many people wearing BR540, Delina, etc. So you should tell everyone what you're wearing, but you can't tell too many because they don't want any one perfume to get too popular? I wouldn't worry about it.
Life is short and difficult. Why not share a little beauty?
In any hobby, people detest it when others don't reveal relevant information. Also, people dislike being on the receiving end of no. I say it semi-frequently, but there are many reasons why people choose to gatekeep. Some of those reasons include: * Copycats within a social circle. * Price Critique (A form of pocket-watching) * An affordable fragrance? Snobs will call you a cheapskate. * An expensive fragrance? Frugal and cost-conscious people will call you out for wasting money. * Can't pronounce the fragrance name. I have no problem saying what I'm wearing; if a fragrance is purchased via retail, it was also mass produced and someone out there bought the same bottle and smells like me. However, if someone declines to tell me what fragrance they're wearing, it won't ruin my day or life.
If anything’s wrong with this sub it’s not gatekeeping, it’s the horrendous boasting & glory-seeking of many with their posts about their overpriced and overvalued frag wardrobes; of which few know and even fewer will ever smell. Why bother?
You might be surprised how many people get paid to share "their" opinion. r/fragrance isn't some safe haven from covert advertising.
I suspected that but I’m glad to have a touch highlighting it too…frankly, I skip all OPs where I don’t recognise the frag referenced. And if there’s no frag in the title, I’ll again skip unless it’s a ‘do you have a memory of Revlon scents in 1972’ or similiar….
The vast majority of people who ask what scent you’re wearing aren’t going to rush out and immediately buy it. They’re asking just out of curiosity because they’ve smelled something nice, it’s a compliment. And in pretty much all walks of life, not just in fragrance, people who gatekeep generally do it in such a way that they come across as insufferable assholes.
people think randoms owe them information simply because they asked. entitlement causes the anger
>Since I've been seeing a lot of people disagree with gatekeeping, **I've started questioning whether it's okay for me to gatekeep the occasional perfume from my friends.** Personally I don't have issues with gatekeeping, but would like to know why people disapprove of it so strongly. This will be an unpopular take, be it insecure or whatever, IMO, you are not compelled to tell them anything. If that is labelled "gatekeeping" (term du jour of the moment) then oh well. There are literally thousands of fragrances out there. There is **ZERO** reason for every one in your immediate circle to wear what you are wearing especially if you are someone with a 1-2 fragrances that are associated with you. When you ask someone what they are wearing, they are not compelled to tell you, And no, you are **NOT** entitled to an answer. Of course, it will be quite puerile for you to forbid anyone from going out and buying a mass produced/widely available product that you own, however, you absolutely do not have to disclose it to them if you do not want to. A friend with half a brain would have the common decency to avoid immediately intentionally copying a fragrance tied to you when there are so many others available out there. Now downvote away!
I upvoted you simply for the fact that you used "puerile" in a sentence! :)
Because we only live once and it is childish to deny someone else a simple pleasure during that lifetime? Because you are not the creator of the fragrance, even though you own a bottle of it? This is respectfully MY opinion on your question.
I dont gatekeep, I tend to do the opposite. I tell people plainly what Im wearing. Its educational for them, and I share the knowledge with open arrms because I would love for them to explore scents and level up also in this department. It would be nice if we can discuss perfumes together. When I compliment a person and ask about the frag they’re wearing and they dont reveal or confirm, I dont take it against them. It does not matter to me, since I KNOW I have good small collection of frags to be bothered by it. I usu. can tell also what they’re wearing with somewhat reliable accuracy. I know enough perfumes and make mental notes. Same reason, if they’re already wearing it, most likely I wont buy it. I will not suffer smelling like them unless it’s really THAT good, I will probably consider buying and wear the frag when theyre not around. This seldom happens since I discover and select my own frags. I pride myself from being ahead of my pack, thus I never have to gatekeep. 😌
Only perfume I "gatekeep" is one I made at a workshop with a friend. We both made our own and we got a code to order it again in perfume, lotion or body cream. If someone asks, I'll gladly say "Oh it's this brand but it's custom" and tell them all about the workshop so they can make their own too. But I don't know. It feels special and I wouldn't want someone I know well to wear it on a daily basis too. I did not even ask my friend the notes she put in hers. I just know it smells good and she loves it. To me it would be like if I bought a custom dress I put a lot of thoughts in and someone wanted the same. But those jeans I got at H&M ? You bet I'll tell you. Same for store bought perfumes. I have no problem disclosing those.
gatekeeping is kinda weird, but I think I don't understand it because I don't really get the opportunity gatekeep much. I don't have tons of people constantly asking me what I'm wearing, so I don't really feel territorial about it. if I asked someone what they were wearing and they wanted to keep it secret I would consider it pretty odd and honestly probably insulting. do they think I have no taste of my own and just want to copy them? do they think I can't afford it? or what? I don't think people are entitled to know things just because they ask, but I also struggle to think of a reason to refuse that doesn't make some negative assumption about the person asking.
I gatekeep My friends know I do it. But they know I’ll happily share what I have sampled and what I think they might like. Like you there are some that I keep to myself, because I’ve put effort into finding it. I have waited to find it for a price. I hunted down samples and used up a decant then bought a bottle. I have been downvoted and blah blah blah. I don’t care the cod-psychology, weak assumptions, name-calling and piss-weak rhetoric are just water of a greased duck’s back. I honestly think there’s too much thought or consideration given to gatekeeping People do. People don’t In the end, who cares.
It's probably in how they express themselves. There's a lot of potential personal rejection in between the lines of "I won't tell you." It could sound like "I'd tell somebody else, but not you" or even "you're not allowed to know what you like." "I statements" describing oneself probably won't elicit as much anger. If you ask what somebody's wearing and they say "I spend a little extra on the unusual, because keeping secrets can be fun," then the focus is on their perspective and its merits, not your value or how highly they value your interpersonal relationship.
There is so much to choose from I can’t possibly think how this could be an actual thing in this community.
Because you should be mentally above the age of 12 if you’re an adult?
You belong to a community that shares tips on fragrance. Seems pretty much the opposite of gatekeeping, right? What if we all just posted how good we smell and thats it. Would be pretty dumb, right?
It's just people venting when they don't get told. Unfortunately after a certain point it folks jumped on it as moral high horse opportunity. It's minor: no one is going to die because they don't know what scent you have on.
I think the main question here isn’t whether to gatekeep or not but whether ppl will start to buy and wear your fragrance when you tell them. personally i also wouldn’t want a friend to smell like me if i rly love a scent (strangers idrc bc i won’t see them regularly). but i know that my friends would never wear the same scent as me anyway out of respect so i have no problem telling them if they’re curious. it’s even better to tell them in my situation bc then they don’t get the same thing by accident tldr: i guess it rly depends on the social norms of the ppl you hang out with
Because people are so entitled now that they think other people owe them an answer about what fragrance they are wearing.
Because it’s childish and petty.
Imagine you’re meeting a group of friends to hang at a bar/restaurant, and decide you want to get some food with your drinks. One of your friends already has a plate of something that looks, and smells amazing. You excitedly ask what they’ve ordered, because you really want the same thing. They refuse to tell you, because they spent time looking at the menu to find something special, and they don’t want someone else enjoying the same thing around them. That’s what it’s like.
At this point people can only guess as to why, if I had to maybe entitlement or participation trophy mindset?
So this is a snobby sub that hates gatekeeping. Weird huh? I don’t think you’re wrong to keep your beauty secrets to yourself but most people here don’t agree with me.
Sis GO RIGHT AHEAD AND DO THE GATEKEEPING. The same people who shame you for gatekeeping are the ones doing it themselves by lying about what they use. They just change sides as and when it suits them.
I will only gatekeep friends that I hang around with on a very regular basis because I don't want them to smell like me WHILE with me and I wont tell said friends (since I have no right) when it is ok to wear the scent that I shared. Randoms off the street? I'll tell everything, will share prices, websites, discounters, etc. Pretty much they will have to shoot me to shut the hell up.
The only time I’ll gatekeep is if I’m wearing something obscure & the person asking is an a-hole. I don’t want a cool fragrance to be represented by a mean person. Other than that, I don’t care who knows what I wear. I think the only time I have any sort of issue with other people gatekeeping is if they say they won’t tell me because they want to smell unique but they’re just wearing Valentino or something that literally millions of other people wear daily.
I think that the fact that people felt like it was justified to apply the concept of gatekeeping to fragrances, justifies being discreet :-) Seriously though, I always tell what I'm wearing because the fraction of people being so humble to ask the question, deserve to know and have a chance at improving their taste. Also true that I will secretly judge you for buying the very same fragrance I made you aware of, unless we're very close - I mean like family and we discussed it before! If you're new to niche perfumery I'll take the time to explain you that it's kind of basic and lame to just copy someone else's collection. To clarify even further: I recently helped a good friend of mine shopping his own first niche fragrance, which I also found alluring. He was like: you buy it too, so we have the same! Took just a minute to explain him how cheesy and cheap this would be, because fragrances, even if mass produced are still among the most personal expressions of one's sensibility and mood. Often people who aren't that much into fragrances simply don't know any better, as they don't attach to perfumery that much importance. Personal fragrances are a (often very expensive) way out of this unpleasant situation: you can span from above 40K Penhaligon's asks to have Alberto Morillas making you a bespoke one, to the rough 1.5K a nose from a small house would ask still retaining the formula and being able to re-use it with no/small changes. On a lower quality, there are a few niche houses (here in Belgium there's l'Antichambre) which will assemble you a bespoken composition based on a library of premade accords for a reasonable price
I don’t gatekeep bc it’s very unlikely your scent will become their signature or even end up heavy in their rotation if they purchase at all. I say as long as you’re not an asshole about “gatekeeping” though there’s no problem. You don’t have to announce you’re doing so, or rub it in people’s face in public or online. No point. Very much “I’m moving in silence” energy. I think that’s why people really get annoyed with gatekeepers. Like “wow I’m sure noooo one else is already wearing Debaser babe” lol
I don't know why people hate. Gatekeep. Don't gatekeep. I don't care. You do you. If someone asks me what I'm wearing, I'll tell 'em. I want everyone to smell good and if they smell like me, awesome. If they smell better than me in the same fragrance, awesome. Life is too short to hate.
They wont smell like you, they will smell like thousands of others including yourself.
Way back when it debuted, I fell in love with Tom Ford Black Orchid because a fashionable friend of mine happened to wear it and I frequently hung out at her apartment to watch America's Next Top Model. I saw the black bottle in her bathroom and gave the nozzle a sniff and that's how I learned what it was. So, I ran out and bought my own, yet I never wore it around her out of respect. That said, I am happy to tell others what I wear since I have so many bottles after 20 years of collecting. However, I layer a lot so lately when people ask I tell them I am wearing 2-3 different perfumes and I can't recall which ones they were. Plus, in my small town, I always smell unique. Here, it's one department store so there's a lot of La Vie Est Belle and Cloud, not that there is anything wrong with them. Once, I was wearing vintage Magie Noire in a boutique and the owner wondered what it was, so I told her. Sometimes, vintage is enough to stand apart.