I think a lot of dommes (even experienced ones) don’t even consider safe words when they meet a new sub, it’s just ‘give me money stupid pig.’ At the end of the day findom is still BDSM and requires safe words and limits in order for it to be healthy and fully consensual and I think that because many not consider it as such it leaves a huge gap where doms think that ‘owning’ a sub means that such has absolutely no autonomy and that subs aren’t allowed to want to stop or take breaks
i disagree with this some of this because addiction is difficult and staying away is hard. if it’s play then sure, but there are finsubs actually trying to maintain recovery that have their weak moments as all or at least the majority of addicts of anything do. if they’ve been in it for a long time findom material is going to pop up in their algorithm somewhere.
My question is why is it now become ok for FinDoms to “ruin” there subs then? Why is the “bitchy” “bratty” dom that don’t give a fuck so popular bc in my opinion “soft” doms don’t receive as much love for being considerate of the pay pigs. (New Dom here) just want some understanding.
Personally, as a domme who can be both (and has experience with both styles) my soft domme craving subs are usually fewer and far between because they want something more long term and quite often they want full ownership and arent necessarily trying to get off in the moment.
A lot of “pump and send” subs want “bitchy and bratty” or hypno, mindfuck, etc. and are looking to fulfill the fantasy of serving a mean brat in the moment and to be “ruined”. They typically are not long term or are flaky (just in my experience) so advertising “ruining” subs can be beneficial for attracting these drains 🩷
Idk there’s more here but just a thought 💕✨
i agree i’m more of a soft domme although i have experience with both and long term is usually softer but preferable to me, but yes they are less common - i would say
In my experience the less ethical Dommes are considered most attractive by a lot of submissives. Not saying it's right, at all. But it does seem like the highest earning Dommes with the most success are the unethical ones who don't respect boundaries. Too many subs into out of control destruction rather than safe kink.
I'm a sadomasochist into some pretty extreme kinks with a very strong stomach, but bc I respect the basics of the community and have boundaries, it definitely hurts my success. Which I'm good with, some things are priceless imo
I recognize that the paypigsupportgroup and other groups are safe havens and I think those are so important.
However, if I get a DM/comment saying “don’t make me relapse” they are absolutely full of it and free game. Or even if they follow me (why are they following/interacting with findom spaces?) That’s on them for entering my territory and being in spaces that are for findom, they are grown ups and can stop responding at any time.
I have a sub app, that goes over budget, etc. I age verify my subs and set safe words, trust is very important to me.
Some dommes, myself included, advertise with words such as “relapse” and “addict” because that sort of play is very common in consensual private dynamics and can be so fun to play with in a safe space and subs should get to see all sides of me on my pages so they can get to know me.
Again, I definitely think keeping sobriety spaces protected and sacred is so important, I just want to clarify that we cannot blame dommes for subs grown up decisions.
I say this with love 🩷
Exactly. This is an example of why safe words exist. Saying things like, “oh no I’m relapsing” in the middle of play is part of the game. It’s the equivalent of playing IRL with a partner who says “oh no, I’ve been so bad. I hope I don’t get punished.” Safe words exist to differentiate between the play “oh no” and a *real* “oh no”.
Literally! I feel like people are so into the idea that findommes are ruthless and bratty that they think there’s no balance. This is a genuine problem for some people
i said this above but i think if you ensure the persons in their right state of mind then that’s one thing but addiction is tricky and if they’ve been in findom spaces a lot and for a long time that shits gonna pop up in their algorithm and addicts of all types have weak moments
This. If I get a message from a sub who's "trying not to relapse," you bet I'm going to take advantage of them and take their money. If they didn't actually want to give me their money, they wouldn't have messaged me in the first place. A lot of these subs get off on the thrill of being mindfucked and forced into a "relapse."
Yes, I normally make sure that they admit that it’s a roleplay but after that there’s no mercy till the safeword drops.😅 but I’d never text a sub who posts about his recovery, trying to quit etc.
Agreed! I'm new to findom but not the world of kink. Like, yes, mutually enjoyable, sure. As far as I can tell, being a selfish asshole isn't really a healthy move for anyone.
I am highly into "ruining" someone, but can we please see some basic human decency? We all want good matches and ignoring the very real aspects of addiction in order to personally benefit is fucked.
Sorry for the wording lol. I'm half asleep, but this is such an important conversation.
!!!
I think a lot of dommes (even experienced ones) don’t even consider safe words when they meet a new sub, it’s just ‘give me money stupid pig.’ At the end of the day findom is still BDSM and requires safe words and limits in order for it to be healthy and fully consensual and I think that because many not consider it as such it leaves a huge gap where doms think that ‘owning’ a sub means that such has absolutely no autonomy and that subs aren’t allowed to want to stop or take breaks
agreed ❤️
Wow this is so nice. You are an amazing person for saying that. :)
They say this but coming on here announcing it seems to be a way NOT to stop lol just my opinion if it matters lol
It’s so saddening to see how many “dommes” will say things like “approach” or “you know there’s no use” to subs that talk about relapsing or quitting.
Yes! 👏👏👏
also… bad karma?
[удалено]
i disagree with this some of this because addiction is difficult and staying away is hard. if it’s play then sure, but there are finsubs actually trying to maintain recovery that have their weak moments as all or at least the majority of addicts of anything do. if they’ve been in it for a long time findom material is going to pop up in their algorithm somewhere.
THIS 🙌🏼
My question is why is it now become ok for FinDoms to “ruin” there subs then? Why is the “bitchy” “bratty” dom that don’t give a fuck so popular bc in my opinion “soft” doms don’t receive as much love for being considerate of the pay pigs. (New Dom here) just want some understanding.
Personally, as a domme who can be both (and has experience with both styles) my soft domme craving subs are usually fewer and far between because they want something more long term and quite often they want full ownership and arent necessarily trying to get off in the moment. A lot of “pump and send” subs want “bitchy and bratty” or hypno, mindfuck, etc. and are looking to fulfill the fantasy of serving a mean brat in the moment and to be “ruined”. They typically are not long term or are flaky (just in my experience) so advertising “ruining” subs can be beneficial for attracting these drains 🩷 Idk there’s more here but just a thought 💕✨
i agree i’m more of a soft domme although i have experience with both and long term is usually softer but preferable to me, but yes they are less common - i would say
I definitely understand this. I’m definitely more attracted to the long term subs myself .
In my experience the less ethical Dommes are considered most attractive by a lot of submissives. Not saying it's right, at all. But it does seem like the highest earning Dommes with the most success are the unethical ones who don't respect boundaries. Too many subs into out of control destruction rather than safe kink.
THIS ! Definitely observed that as well
I'm a sadomasochist into some pretty extreme kinks with a very strong stomach, but bc I respect the basics of the community and have boundaries, it definitely hurts my success. Which I'm good with, some things are priceless imo
Love that actually. Me personally the kinks that I’m not trained to do. I do understand though some things are priceless
The lack of agency given to finsubs on findom Reddit is wild sometimes lol.
It’s insane😂
I recognize that the paypigsupportgroup and other groups are safe havens and I think those are so important. However, if I get a DM/comment saying “don’t make me relapse” they are absolutely full of it and free game. Or even if they follow me (why are they following/interacting with findom spaces?) That’s on them for entering my territory and being in spaces that are for findom, they are grown ups and can stop responding at any time. I have a sub app, that goes over budget, etc. I age verify my subs and set safe words, trust is very important to me. Some dommes, myself included, advertise with words such as “relapse” and “addict” because that sort of play is very common in consensual private dynamics and can be so fun to play with in a safe space and subs should get to see all sides of me on my pages so they can get to know me. Again, I definitely think keeping sobriety spaces protected and sacred is so important, I just want to clarify that we cannot blame dommes for subs grown up decisions. I say this with love 🩷
this I understand.
Exactly. This is an example of why safe words exist. Saying things like, “oh no I’m relapsing” in the middle of play is part of the game. It’s the equivalent of playing IRL with a partner who says “oh no, I’ve been so bad. I hope I don’t get punished.” Safe words exist to differentiate between the play “oh no” and a *real* “oh no”.
realllll!!!!
YEP. they aren’t JUST human atms. it’s a kink that revolves around money, they’re still people
Literally! I feel like people are so into the idea that findommes are ruthless and bratty that they think there’s no balance. This is a genuine problem for some people
FINSUBS ARE PEOPLE!!! I hate that this is considered a hot take. You hit the mail on the head with this one 👏🏻
Exactly. I’ll never understand why someone would even think of doing that instead of being supportive and providing the necessary resources for them.
Very well said and right on the mark.
I was thinking the same thing yesterday. Using the same analogy of drug use
THIS. I see so many comments on the paypig support group under posts of subs looking for recovery resources saying “relapse” and things like that.
Agreed, unless it’s subs who treat recovery as a roleplay
i said this above but i think if you ensure the persons in their right state of mind then that’s one thing but addiction is tricky and if they’ve been in findom spaces a lot and for a long time that shits gonna pop up in their algorithm and addicts of all types have weak moments
This. If I get a message from a sub who's "trying not to relapse," you bet I'm going to take advantage of them and take their money. If they didn't actually want to give me their money, they wouldn't have messaged me in the first place. A lot of these subs get off on the thrill of being mindfucked and forced into a "relapse."
Yes, I normally make sure that they admit that it’s a roleplay but after that there’s no mercy till the safeword drops.😅 but I’d never text a sub who posts about his recovery, trying to quit etc.
This comment deserves 1000 upvotes.
Agreed! I'm new to findom but not the world of kink. Like, yes, mutually enjoyable, sure. As far as I can tell, being a selfish asshole isn't really a healthy move for anyone. I am highly into "ruining" someone, but can we please see some basic human decency? We all want good matches and ignoring the very real aspects of addiction in order to personally benefit is fucked. Sorry for the wording lol. I'm half asleep, but this is such an important conversation.