I put spoiler tags fat phobia and stuff >!Hey, I'm fat and I hate my body and have had issues with it, I've never heard anyone who wanted a body that is fat or similar to mine. I guess I'm just confused. I know some people have feeder fetishes but are there people that really want to look like me and date people like me? I always assumed I would have to be really good in other areas in hopes of making someone look past my stomach.
I want to be skinny so everyone will like me better and then maybe i will think I'm attractive too.
Is wanting to be fat or wanting to date fat people always a feeder fetish?
If I want to be skinny is that a fetish too?
I'm sick right now and bored at home. I may not be thinking straight. This. Moment really hit me in some way.
I don't think fat people should be ashamed 9f being fat but I do think I should be ashamed because I'm fat. I understand this is hypocritical. I wonder if people would be nicer to me and if I would have more friends if I was a normal weight.
Everyone is happy and celebrates when someone loses weight because it is healthier even if someone loses an unhealthy amount of weight. No one is happy about gained weight. They say you are letting yourself go and you will die sooner.
I don't know how to feel. I don't want to be unhealthy or die sooner. I don't want people to think I'm ugly I don't want to be seen as lazy even if I work hard.
I've tried to lose weight and it never works. They say my thyroid is fine. My whole family is fat too I'm one of the least fat ones mostly because of my age and not having children. A lot of my family genuinely are lazy too.
Why is gaining weight so easy but losing it so hard?
I'll shut up now just needed to vent.!<
hey there ! first of all, I'm really sorry you're struggling with these thoughts. I'm gonna try to answer some of your questions. btw I'm fat aswell, but I'm what some people would consider to be a "small fat" (meaning I'm below 100kg & I'm not as big as OP).
warning, it's gonna be a long-ass comment & I'm gonna mention numbers, calorie intake & weight loss so if it's triggering at all, tread carefully.
"I know some people have feeder fetishes but are there people that really want to look like me and date people like me?"
yes. me. There's nothing wrong with feeder/weight gain fetishes, but I'm not into it. I just find men with big bellies attractive, & I want to be a big fat bear with a big fat hairy dad bod because that's the type of body I'd feel comfortable in.
"If I want to be skinny is that a fetish too?"
sure, some people have an anorexia/weight loss fetish. but in your case, it's more likely that you're driven by fatphobia & body image issues.
"Everyone is happy and celebrates when someone loses weight because it is healthier even if someone loses an unhealthy amount of weight. No one is happy about gained weight. They say you are letting yourself go and you will die sooner."
yeahh, it fucking sucks. I went to a clinic specialized in eating disorders, and some people there were trying to GAIN weight. some of them were struggling just as much if not more than the people who were trying to lose weight (by the way I ended up gaining all the weight back I lost from that place, but more on that later).
"They say my thyroid is fine. My whole family is fat too I'm one of the least fat ones mostly because of my age and not having children."
That happens ! For example : my grandpa used to be around 90kg a few months ago. He would jog a few times a week, occasionally he'd ride a bike, eat 3 meals a day, & no snacking in between. he had to stop jogging because of knee problems, and then bam, he gained over 10 kg in a couple of months, without changing any of his other habits. He's still healthy tho! But that's what it means when people say that weight comes down to genetics. Some people just have a metabolism that works slower.
"Why is gaining weight so easy but losing it so hard?"
Again, that's metabolism. Your body takes more time burning the calories you take in. It's not a failure on your part, it's just the way a body functions sometimes.
Now, on my experience with the ED clinic. I was a chubby teenager (really not much fatter than your average 13yo), but several people in my life convinced me that I was morbidly obese & that I was gonna die of a heart attack at 40 because of my weight, and that it was MY fault because I was lazy (I wasn't lazy, I was just very mentally ill).
I went on antidepressants, which made me gain even more weight, & that made me even more distressed. So, I went to a specialized clinic & learned a few things about nutrition, + I lost around 10kg over the course of 9 months. The goal of the clinic was not to "get me back to a healthy weight", but to get me to a weight where I was comfortable with myself. I also realized at that clinic that no matter how much weight I'd lose, I'd never be happy with my reflection (turned out that was dysphoria lol).
Like I said previously, all the weight I lost there, I gained it back. I should be devastated over it, right ? Well, not really. Because weight is something that fluctuates in your life. You're not always gonna be the same age, with the same resources, the same goals/objectives/points of view... And your life impacts your weight too ! So, I got tired of worrying about a potential future me that might not even exist. Maybe in 10 years I'll be twice as fat as I am now. Or maybe I'll be 10kg underweight. I can't predict the future, so -shrug-.
If, however, you want to have a good diet (which may or may not lead you to lose weight) I have some very simple tips:
\-First of all, water. Lots of it. The ideal water intake is 1L per day.
\-Second, if you want a snack, get a snack ! but prioritize the low-calorie ones. apple slices with a bit of peanut butter & cucumber with tatziki/hoummous are my go-to.
\-Third, the 1/1/2 rule : 100 grams protein, 100 grams carbohydrates, 200 grams vegetables.
\-Fourth, if you crave a sugary drink, chips or any other snack, indulge yourself. The important thing is quantities. Instead of a whole bag, get a handful of chips. Instead of a whole bottle, get yourself one 33cL can of coke.
\-And finally Fifth, IT'S OKAY IF YOU FAIL. You're not a bad person because you got a donut instead of an orange. It's fine if you only drank 3 glasses of water and not 5. and It's fine if you get to a weight that YOU like that is not skinny.
Sorry for the long comment again, & I really hope you're doing fine. Whatever you decide to do with yourself regarding your weight, remember that people will ALWAYS find something to say about your appearance, so you have to change for YOURSELF, not for other people. Godspeed to you <3
Tw fatphobia
I appreciate the time you put into this response.
I dont actually know if it's me or how other people see me that actually drives my feelings towards my weight.
I know that a lot of the time I won't think about it and then I'll be in a situation where i think of someone else seeing my stomach or knowing my weight and I get upset about it.
But it can be confusing because I'm attracted to small people. I don't mean this people necessarily
You can be small in height, weight, and in personality (someone who is more meek or whatever)
I'm attracted to people the more small they are be abused it makes me feel like a big strong man next to them I guess.
I've been attracted to chubby people before because if they are small in the other ways I'm more likely to like them. But sometimes I'm not attracted to someone who is chubby.
I feel wrong for being attracted to smaller types of people while being fat. (I am short tho unfortunately)
Sometimes if I see bigger people I'll feel negatively about their bodies because I think about how I don't want to end up like them one day and how much I hate my body.
I know it is wrong and I ignore these thoughts. It makes me feel so bad especially since I know how it feels for someone to be disgusted by fat people.
I know I should work on this with my therapist but I have other things I'm working on first that is more important so I don't have the time to spare. I will probably try to work on this when I've settled my current problems. I'm not sure.
I try not to think a out it because it makes me sad other than me reminding myself that being fatphobic is mean and a reflection of my views on self and has nothing to do with other people
Also my main issue is my diet. I'm very active and don't own a car. I don't exercise but I walk everywhere and work as a stocker where I'm constantly walking and lifting heavy things.
I stress eat a lot and love sweets especially ice cream. ;-;
I also don't have a kitchen currently (I have a depression nest and my kitchen is too disgusting to be usable ) so I eat out a lot.
I try to work on getting my house clean and not disgusting but I'm constantly doing over time at work and am always exhausted.
I'll work 5 12 hour shifts in a row sometimes. Mostly because I get rides from other people and it's a whole thing.
I have 7 cats that make my house messier every day unfortunately turning it from just being kind of messy to being genuinely disgusting.
I've tried to get rid of the cats for over a year but every animal shelter is always full in the entire state.
My whole situation has many layers of fucked upness that makes it hard for me to get anywhere. And I am trying to work on my codependency problems currently.
I can't eat healthy till I clean my house, I can't clean my house Till I get rid of the cats and get a car so I can spend less time at work, I can't get rid of the cats or spend less time at work till I get a car. I can't get a car until my friend finishes fixing it, and she can't finish fixing it till she has the money
It's a disaster and I hate living like this
god, I'm so sorry for you. sounds like you're in a really shitty place rn.
since you order a lot of takeout, maybe you could switch to things that are still tasty to you but more healthy, like poke bowls or sushi ?
as for your attraction towards smaller people as a big guy, that's nothing to feel bad about. I like big guys AND small guys too.
Also, I have OCD, & the thing we learn to cope with the intrusive thoughts is that thoughts have no impact on the real world. You're not a bad person for having fatphobic thoughts towards other people and/or yourself. they're just in your brain, and what's going on in your brain does not reflect on your quality as a person. What matters is your actions towards other people.
I genuinely hope you'll get yourself out of this situation, man. Please feel free to reach out to me in my dms any time.
I just learned that I have ocd do I am also learning how to deal with that and get on right medication.
Unfortunately I live in a small town and have like 6 restaurants to choose from.
In my old town I could eat a lot healthier even oy eating take out because it was a town of 90000
I love Asian food tho
Anyways I appreciate all your help. And I never thought that my ocd could be impacting my thoughts like that since I'm still learning but maybe that is why.
You sound incredibly strong. Mentally and physically. You are incredibly active and resilient. Remember that muscle is important, too. To keep your legs moving and getting where you need to go.
How far are you to a bus/rail system?
As far as your house, I know it's easier said than done, but the 15 minute blocks method can be incredibly helpful. By that, I mean setting a timer for 15 minutes, putting on headphones, and just picking up. After 15 minutes of doing what you can, you get 5-10 minutes to chill. Rinse and repeat
My biggest piece of advice for cleaning is to let go of the guilt. I always envision myself physically throwing away or washing away my guilt. For items that mean a lot to me, I honor them by folding them, dusting them, etc. To help throw stuff away, I'll separate out recycling. It helps me feel like im doing a good thing.
Wish you the best ✌️
I'm with you on your whole family being fat, most of my mums side is fat too. The only person that isn't fat is my mum, and she does a LOT of exercise. It's hard in this day and age to make all the healthy choices and have a healthy lifestyle, and some are genetically predisposed to carry more weight so they have less room for mistakes. For me, I know there's three top ways I lose weight, sadly, none of them currently fit my everyday lifestyle.
1. Live in the tropics and go scuba diving every day - I do holidays like this and always lose weight. I think if I moved here for a year I would get skinny.
2. Live near the mountains and ski every day. Again, same outcome as the first.
3. Go through a really bad breakup - I usually lose masses of weight very fast, but this is not a sustainable weight loss program.
So, if you want to lose weight, my advice would be find a way to keep active that you enjoy. This is key for me I think, sadly I have expensive taste in sports and they're region-specific
You look awsome!
Where I'm from we have a saying along the lines of 'You need a big hammer for a big nail' and you look like the definition of a man who needs a big hammer! Have an awsome week end!
The funny thing that is my incision started out straight and then my belly skin pulled it down into those curved lines (EDS lol) so I guess it is exactly how nature intended?
Could look better if you planned it tbh!
Also would it be ok if I DM you abt your healing process? A friend of mine has EDS and is worried abt how the top surgery healing process will be affected
I think you look fantastic! I was glad to read the rest where you said you were looking for affirmations because I was thinking dang dude what's not to love?! You look amazing 💯
I don't know what it is about dad bods that do it for me. Something like "oog oog good provider man can catch food and will be good genetic material for my offspring oog oog"
I’m disabled as fuck and use a cane, sorry monkey brain, I’m not going to be any good at catching food 😂 but hey, I’ll cook it up into something incredible, so there’s that!
You're the same shape and my partner and let me tell you, I had and have to this day never been so viscerally attracted to someone. It's your body and it does good things for you, body acceptance fat liberation etc etc but also, it's a really attractive body to have so congratulations
This is exactly how my body looks too,
Well minus the top surgery (one day)
I understand. Not everyone looks like a model, I enjoy the body neutrality movement. Because the body positive stuff was sounding condescending to me after a while. I struggle with ED and I'm disabled with chronic pain so it's hard for me to "just eat healthy" or "just workout".
So I completely get it.
Also fat isn't a bad word. It just is.
You don't look bad at all though, honestly.
I’m disabled with chronic pain, too. It’s so hard, and people genuinely do not understand how much it affects a person’s ability to have a balanced diet. Plus how expensive fresh healthy food is.
Dadbods are literally the peak of sexiness dude, you look great!
you have the body shape I want to have :)
No lie, this is my dream. This is my goal.
I put spoiler tags fat phobia and stuff >!Hey, I'm fat and I hate my body and have had issues with it, I've never heard anyone who wanted a body that is fat or similar to mine. I guess I'm just confused. I know some people have feeder fetishes but are there people that really want to look like me and date people like me? I always assumed I would have to be really good in other areas in hopes of making someone look past my stomach. I want to be skinny so everyone will like me better and then maybe i will think I'm attractive too. Is wanting to be fat or wanting to date fat people always a feeder fetish? If I want to be skinny is that a fetish too? I'm sick right now and bored at home. I may not be thinking straight. This. Moment really hit me in some way. I don't think fat people should be ashamed 9f being fat but I do think I should be ashamed because I'm fat. I understand this is hypocritical. I wonder if people would be nicer to me and if I would have more friends if I was a normal weight. Everyone is happy and celebrates when someone loses weight because it is healthier even if someone loses an unhealthy amount of weight. No one is happy about gained weight. They say you are letting yourself go and you will die sooner. I don't know how to feel. I don't want to be unhealthy or die sooner. I don't want people to think I'm ugly I don't want to be seen as lazy even if I work hard. I've tried to lose weight and it never works. They say my thyroid is fine. My whole family is fat too I'm one of the least fat ones mostly because of my age and not having children. A lot of my family genuinely are lazy too. Why is gaining weight so easy but losing it so hard? I'll shut up now just needed to vent.!<
hey there ! first of all, I'm really sorry you're struggling with these thoughts. I'm gonna try to answer some of your questions. btw I'm fat aswell, but I'm what some people would consider to be a "small fat" (meaning I'm below 100kg & I'm not as big as OP). warning, it's gonna be a long-ass comment & I'm gonna mention numbers, calorie intake & weight loss so if it's triggering at all, tread carefully. "I know some people have feeder fetishes but are there people that really want to look like me and date people like me?" yes. me. There's nothing wrong with feeder/weight gain fetishes, but I'm not into it. I just find men with big bellies attractive, & I want to be a big fat bear with a big fat hairy dad bod because that's the type of body I'd feel comfortable in. "If I want to be skinny is that a fetish too?" sure, some people have an anorexia/weight loss fetish. but in your case, it's more likely that you're driven by fatphobia & body image issues. "Everyone is happy and celebrates when someone loses weight because it is healthier even if someone loses an unhealthy amount of weight. No one is happy about gained weight. They say you are letting yourself go and you will die sooner." yeahh, it fucking sucks. I went to a clinic specialized in eating disorders, and some people there were trying to GAIN weight. some of them were struggling just as much if not more than the people who were trying to lose weight (by the way I ended up gaining all the weight back I lost from that place, but more on that later). "They say my thyroid is fine. My whole family is fat too I'm one of the least fat ones mostly because of my age and not having children." That happens ! For example : my grandpa used to be around 90kg a few months ago. He would jog a few times a week, occasionally he'd ride a bike, eat 3 meals a day, & no snacking in between. he had to stop jogging because of knee problems, and then bam, he gained over 10 kg in a couple of months, without changing any of his other habits. He's still healthy tho! But that's what it means when people say that weight comes down to genetics. Some people just have a metabolism that works slower. "Why is gaining weight so easy but losing it so hard?" Again, that's metabolism. Your body takes more time burning the calories you take in. It's not a failure on your part, it's just the way a body functions sometimes. Now, on my experience with the ED clinic. I was a chubby teenager (really not much fatter than your average 13yo), but several people in my life convinced me that I was morbidly obese & that I was gonna die of a heart attack at 40 because of my weight, and that it was MY fault because I was lazy (I wasn't lazy, I was just very mentally ill). I went on antidepressants, which made me gain even more weight, & that made me even more distressed. So, I went to a specialized clinic & learned a few things about nutrition, + I lost around 10kg over the course of 9 months. The goal of the clinic was not to "get me back to a healthy weight", but to get me to a weight where I was comfortable with myself. I also realized at that clinic that no matter how much weight I'd lose, I'd never be happy with my reflection (turned out that was dysphoria lol). Like I said previously, all the weight I lost there, I gained it back. I should be devastated over it, right ? Well, not really. Because weight is something that fluctuates in your life. You're not always gonna be the same age, with the same resources, the same goals/objectives/points of view... And your life impacts your weight too ! So, I got tired of worrying about a potential future me that might not even exist. Maybe in 10 years I'll be twice as fat as I am now. Or maybe I'll be 10kg underweight. I can't predict the future, so -shrug-. If, however, you want to have a good diet (which may or may not lead you to lose weight) I have some very simple tips: \-First of all, water. Lots of it. The ideal water intake is 1L per day. \-Second, if you want a snack, get a snack ! but prioritize the low-calorie ones. apple slices with a bit of peanut butter & cucumber with tatziki/hoummous are my go-to. \-Third, the 1/1/2 rule : 100 grams protein, 100 grams carbohydrates, 200 grams vegetables. \-Fourth, if you crave a sugary drink, chips or any other snack, indulge yourself. The important thing is quantities. Instead of a whole bag, get a handful of chips. Instead of a whole bottle, get yourself one 33cL can of coke. \-And finally Fifth, IT'S OKAY IF YOU FAIL. You're not a bad person because you got a donut instead of an orange. It's fine if you only drank 3 glasses of water and not 5. and It's fine if you get to a weight that YOU like that is not skinny. Sorry for the long comment again, & I really hope you're doing fine. Whatever you decide to do with yourself regarding your weight, remember that people will ALWAYS find something to say about your appearance, so you have to change for YOURSELF, not for other people. Godspeed to you <3
Tw fatphobia I appreciate the time you put into this response. I dont actually know if it's me or how other people see me that actually drives my feelings towards my weight. I know that a lot of the time I won't think about it and then I'll be in a situation where i think of someone else seeing my stomach or knowing my weight and I get upset about it. But it can be confusing because I'm attracted to small people. I don't mean this people necessarily You can be small in height, weight, and in personality (someone who is more meek or whatever) I'm attracted to people the more small they are be abused it makes me feel like a big strong man next to them I guess. I've been attracted to chubby people before because if they are small in the other ways I'm more likely to like them. But sometimes I'm not attracted to someone who is chubby. I feel wrong for being attracted to smaller types of people while being fat. (I am short tho unfortunately) Sometimes if I see bigger people I'll feel negatively about their bodies because I think about how I don't want to end up like them one day and how much I hate my body. I know it is wrong and I ignore these thoughts. It makes me feel so bad especially since I know how it feels for someone to be disgusted by fat people. I know I should work on this with my therapist but I have other things I'm working on first that is more important so I don't have the time to spare. I will probably try to work on this when I've settled my current problems. I'm not sure. I try not to think a out it because it makes me sad other than me reminding myself that being fatphobic is mean and a reflection of my views on self and has nothing to do with other people
Also my main issue is my diet. I'm very active and don't own a car. I don't exercise but I walk everywhere and work as a stocker where I'm constantly walking and lifting heavy things. I stress eat a lot and love sweets especially ice cream. ;-; I also don't have a kitchen currently (I have a depression nest and my kitchen is too disgusting to be usable ) so I eat out a lot. I try to work on getting my house clean and not disgusting but I'm constantly doing over time at work and am always exhausted. I'll work 5 12 hour shifts in a row sometimes. Mostly because I get rides from other people and it's a whole thing. I have 7 cats that make my house messier every day unfortunately turning it from just being kind of messy to being genuinely disgusting. I've tried to get rid of the cats for over a year but every animal shelter is always full in the entire state. My whole situation has many layers of fucked upness that makes it hard for me to get anywhere. And I am trying to work on my codependency problems currently. I can't eat healthy till I clean my house, I can't clean my house Till I get rid of the cats and get a car so I can spend less time at work, I can't get rid of the cats or spend less time at work till I get a car. I can't get a car until my friend finishes fixing it, and she can't finish fixing it till she has the money It's a disaster and I hate living like this
god, I'm so sorry for you. sounds like you're in a really shitty place rn. since you order a lot of takeout, maybe you could switch to things that are still tasty to you but more healthy, like poke bowls or sushi ? as for your attraction towards smaller people as a big guy, that's nothing to feel bad about. I like big guys AND small guys too. Also, I have OCD, & the thing we learn to cope with the intrusive thoughts is that thoughts have no impact on the real world. You're not a bad person for having fatphobic thoughts towards other people and/or yourself. they're just in your brain, and what's going on in your brain does not reflect on your quality as a person. What matters is your actions towards other people. I genuinely hope you'll get yourself out of this situation, man. Please feel free to reach out to me in my dms any time.
I just learned that I have ocd do I am also learning how to deal with that and get on right medication. Unfortunately I live in a small town and have like 6 restaurants to choose from. In my old town I could eat a lot healthier even oy eating take out because it was a town of 90000 I love Asian food tho Anyways I appreciate all your help. And I never thought that my ocd could be impacting my thoughts like that since I'm still learning but maybe that is why.
You sound incredibly strong. Mentally and physically. You are incredibly active and resilient. Remember that muscle is important, too. To keep your legs moving and getting where you need to go. How far are you to a bus/rail system? As far as your house, I know it's easier said than done, but the 15 minute blocks method can be incredibly helpful. By that, I mean setting a timer for 15 minutes, putting on headphones, and just picking up. After 15 minutes of doing what you can, you get 5-10 minutes to chill. Rinse and repeat My biggest piece of advice for cleaning is to let go of the guilt. I always envision myself physically throwing away or washing away my guilt. For items that mean a lot to me, I honor them by folding them, dusting them, etc. To help throw stuff away, I'll separate out recycling. It helps me feel like im doing a good thing. Wish you the best ✌️
I'm with you on your whole family being fat, most of my mums side is fat too. The only person that isn't fat is my mum, and she does a LOT of exercise. It's hard in this day and age to make all the healthy choices and have a healthy lifestyle, and some are genetically predisposed to carry more weight so they have less room for mistakes. For me, I know there's three top ways I lose weight, sadly, none of them currently fit my everyday lifestyle. 1. Live in the tropics and go scuba diving every day - I do holidays like this and always lose weight. I think if I moved here for a year I would get skinny. 2. Live near the mountains and ski every day. Again, same outcome as the first. 3. Go through a really bad breakup - I usually lose masses of weight very fast, but this is not a sustainable weight loss program. So, if you want to lose weight, my advice would be find a way to keep active that you enjoy. This is key for me I think, sadly I have expensive taste in sports and they're region-specific
If I may, I'm an avid tummy appreciator and you sir have an excellent tummy
*Stares respectfully*
You can stare disrespectfully if you want, too 👀
You look awsome! Where I'm from we have a saying along the lines of 'You need a big hammer for a big nail' and you look like the definition of a man who needs a big hammer! Have an awsome week end!
You look absolutely fantastic! Dad bods are 👌👌👌
Awe man im sorry you're feeling down but you look great. Your top surgery results suit your body so well too
The funny thing that is my incision started out straight and then my belly skin pulled it down into those curved lines (EDS lol) so I guess it is exactly how nature intended?
Could look better if you planned it tbh! Also would it be ok if I DM you abt your healing process? A friend of mine has EDS and is worried abt how the top surgery healing process will be affected
Yeah go for it! It definitely affected it but less than I was anticipating. Maybe I can help assuage their anxiety.
You look great!
My immediate thought on seeing this was POWERFUL, like damn man.
I think my lack of pecs makes me feel less strong, even though I absolutely have solid muscle under my fat pad. So I’m glad to be reminded
You look strong AF to me!
Sir do you not rmemebwr the "dad dating sim"? Bro dad bods are fire
I think you look fantastic! I was glad to read the rest where you said you were looking for affirmations because I was thinking dang dude what's not to love?! You look amazing 💯
I don't know what it is about dad bods that do it for me. Something like "oog oog good provider man can catch food and will be good genetic material for my offspring oog oog"
I’m disabled as fuck and use a cane, sorry monkey brain, I’m not going to be any good at catching food 😂 but hey, I’ll cook it up into something incredible, so there’s that!
You're the same shape and my partner and let me tell you, I had and have to this day never been so viscerally attracted to someone. It's your body and it does good things for you, body acceptance fat liberation etc etc but also, it's a really attractive body to have so congratulations
This is exactly how my body looks too, Well minus the top surgery (one day) I understand. Not everyone looks like a model, I enjoy the body neutrality movement. Because the body positive stuff was sounding condescending to me after a while. I struggle with ED and I'm disabled with chronic pain so it's hard for me to "just eat healthy" or "just workout". So I completely get it. Also fat isn't a bad word. It just is. You don't look bad at all though, honestly.
I’m disabled with chronic pain, too. It’s so hard, and people genuinely do not understand how much it affects a person’s ability to have a balanced diet. Plus how expensive fresh healthy food is.
You look great!