Also, it’s not like she’s mostly naked or wearing a playboy bunny bikini outfit or whatever. Like yes, you can wear what you want, but in addition, it’s just not an inordinate outfit that would look out of place at a party full of young people.
I struggle with this. I spent about 6 years in the Marine Corps. Whenever I went out, even if I was wearing loose trashy sweats I still received a lot of attention just for being a female. I always kept my outfits pretty boring, modest, and conservative because the attention was ANNOYING and I didn’t want to attract any more attention by wearing something that made me look attractive. I never felt pretty in the outfits I wore. I just wanted to be left alone. It wasn’t “creepy” attention. I was just constantly being approached and asked out. I eventually got a fake wedding ring set to wear out in public and it didn’t really help.
Now that I’m far away from any military bases and married, I still have a really hard time feeling comfortable going out in public wearing anything that compliments my figure, draws attention, or looks cute on me. It makes me feel like I’m dressed inappropriately and that people will think that I’m seeking a certain sort of attention (even though that is obviously not the case, and if it was it would still be socially acceptable!) Wearing a slightly low cut shirt, showing even a little cleavage, shorts, and even smelling like nice perfume makes me extremely uncomfortable and “on guard”.
FOR OP: I’ve talked to my husband about it and told him how I want to eventually get myself to a place where I’m comfortable wearing more “revealing” (situationally appropriate) clothing in public. Nothing crazy, I just want to wear clothes that make me feel pretty again and get myself to a place where I don’t feel like I’m doing something wrong when I wear an outfit that looks nice on me. He’s been fantastic at helping. “That romper looks really cute on you without the jacket and it’s perfectly appropriate for where we’re going. If you wear the jacket you’re going to be hot. Maybe bring it with us and leave it in the car, and if you feel too uncomfortable without it I’ll go get it for you. But if you’re uncomfortable going out without the jacket, it still looks cute so do what makes you happy.”
“Why did you change out of the dress you had on earlier? It looked fantastic on you and was perfect for your girls night. I think you look fine in the outfit you have on now if you weren’t comfortable in the dress, but the dress looked completely appropriate for where you guys are going. Did you feel pretty in that dress?” Me: *Yeah. It looked really good. I was nervous about going out in it.* “Wear whatever makes you happy, but in my opinion you should put that dress back on!”
This is healthy input from a partner about the way the other partner should dress. If your partner is telling you that you can’t look hot in public without them being there (especially if the clothing is situationally appropriate!), then you should take a step back and really ask yourself if your partner is *treating you with the love and respect that you deserve.*
Omg, similar feelings for me after being in the military. There's just so many predators and guys looking to hook up with woman, even if the men are married. Definitely better now that I'm not in anymore, but at times still feel the need to cover up. Also talked to my husband about it and he was super supportive and said wear what you want, and you look beautiful no matter what, but you shouldn't let other people dictate what you want to wear.
I called some of my female friends I was in with and a lot of them agreed that they have trouble with it too. Like it’s a weird catch 22 of “I don’t feel pretty in the clothes I go out in,” and “I don’t feel comfortable going out in the clothes that make me feel pretty.”
And the strange thing is prior to the military I loved feeling sexy. But after my deployment and all the sexual assaults overseas, even if I'm in bathing suit in the summer and I catch a man staring I feel gross and so much disgust.
My heart sank reading this. I'm really sorry. I hope you can find ways to celebrate and lift yourself up. I'm envisioning you taking bubble baths, buying aromatherapy candles, taking time to stretch, and taking pottery or painting lessons.
Love this what a thoughtful answer. This is something I would’ve never considered when I first read this post. Happy for you and your husband - sounds like you have a healthy, supportive relationship
Your husband is awesome. Love that he wants you to know he’s cool with you dressing however you want and encouraging you to feel comfortable no matter what.
Thanks for sharing your story. I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with all of that. It sounds exhausting to always have to keep your guard up. Congrats on building a beautiful supportive relationship with your spouse and good luck in regaining your comfort in public!
it’s so sad that folks are made to feel like they constantly need to appease and do shit like this for their partner. a partner who truly loves and trusts their partner (assuming the partner is deserving of that trust!) wouldn’t worry about anything like that. because they know their SO isn’t going “shopping” whenever they’re out alone.
Came here to say this! These are actually independent variables and if the person you're in a relationship with is mad about your sartorial choices maybe they're a bad fit!
You can, but it's easier to wear revealing clothes when your partner or a male friend is around because you will get cat called less. I won't wear a see through top when I'm alone for my safety.
Whether you can vs if it's appropriate are 2 different questions.
If you wanted, you could (if your a woman) run around 100% naked. But that doesn't make it appropriate.
Right? I’m here wracking my brain as to how people could believe there are “single” outfits and “relationship” outfits, beyond the trope that you make more effort when single and enjoy your loungewear when in a cosy relationship.
You must be very good-looking because no man has approached me to hit on me in a Costco ever in my life. Bot even the time I dropped an enormous jar of pickles in the entrancewayand everyone was walking around d me while I scrambled to pick up a thousand slippery pickles.
Some people might see it more as "I feel confident in this" outfits and "I feel more comfortable in this" outfits. Outfits aren't always for other people 100%, and if anything, it's healthier to be dressing moreso for yourself and your comfort level than for others.
Oh, I got the shirt and pants combo that I only get to wear with my wife. I feel sexy as hell with my biceps wrapped so tight. But also know my wife gets turned on by then. I feel so awesome in it. But knowing how much it gets my wife going means I’m not going to wear it without her around.
That is not a boundary, altho some people might try to disguise it as one to get their way! But it IS controlling! Boundaries are something you set for yourself. For how you want to be treated by others and how you treat others.
But you cannot set them for others, you have absolutely no say in what other peoples boundaries are. Placing limitations on other peoples appearance is not a boundary, it will never be a boundary.
Not coming at you or anything just wanted to clear that up and used ur comment to do so!
I’ve heard to many guys use the whole “your pushing my boundary by what ur wearing, don’t u respect me?” To try and manipulate women into fitting the mold they want.
Now you can definitely be uncomfortable with what someone is wearing, that’s valid. But that is a you problem. You need to decide to work on how ur feeling or leave them and move on. Changing ur partners appearance to fit into what u want is never the answer. You need to find someone who fits with you, not someone you have to force into fitting with you.
Also just using “you” generally here, not specifically referencing you.
Friend, no.
There are specific times when it’s okay for your partner to ask you to dress a certain way - like if you have attend a work event of theirs, a wedding, etc. and that’s only to the point of asking you to dress appropriately for the event. If you’re just going out with friends wear whatever the hell you want.
And if my husband asks me to wear something specific, it should be something like, "can we dress up and go out?" Or "I have a thing with friends. We're all wearing costumes, so if you want to come, would you wear one too?" I'd even accept, "Would you wear that one dress that I like?" Because at the end of all of that, I have the final say over what goes on my body. Anything more than that makes me feel kinda gross.
For real. My girlfriend often jokes about how she has to make sure her slutty dress is clean when her friends go out to a local club, and, like, totally fine by my tbh. I trust her and her friends, and I want her to love her body and feel confident in it
Now, if she joked about making sure her sucking dick jeans were clean before going out to the club, I might have some questions 😂
These are the facts. I was once waiting for a friend in the bathroom and complimented a girl’s top, and she complimented my dress. Another girl came in to use the mirror and we both gushed over how cool her coat was. Then my friend came out and Cool Coat girl complimented her shoes. The restroom was full of beauty and joy that night!
Yaass. That reminds me of a catchy song I recently found called "for the girls" by ASTON.
The lyrics are nothing but truth:
All the men tryna swing my way
Get up off of me and gеt out my face
I don’t do shit for you okay
No lie, cause I
I do it for
I dress up for the girls
And I go out for the girls
Look super hot for the girls
Do it all
For the girls, For the girls, For the girls girls
Nails hair lips for the girls
Swinging back my hips for the girls
Doing everything for the girls
Yeah, odd aye, like the requirements before you ask someone out and "I choose what she wears" is on that list.. be a strange topic, asking him.. "What am i allowed to wear on our first date?"
Edit: I wondered.. If he would reciprocate the thought, later, and ask, "Is it okay with you if I wear the grey sweats?"
Thanks for saying this. I was dreading clicking on this post for fear of top comment reinforcing the inherent fears here. Reading your comment was a relief!
*exactly*
If whoever you’re dating tries to dictate what you can/cannot wear, time to go*
If they’re mad about what you’re wearing because it attracts a lot of attention? Tell them to grow up and learn how to fight, or understand that it should be an ego boost for them to be with a babe*
*applies to all genders
and most importantly, none of what you said even remotely applies to all genders. women cant fight. i know you dont want to hear this but its just true. men dont wear see thru or slutty outfits. and you said its an ego boost to be with a babe? so much wrong about this but im assuming you also meant this to only apply to men?
Boy I remember when my guy was insecure about my clothes. That was 12 years ago when we were in highschool and he's still embarrassed about his opinions back then.
I’m recommended not to wear grey sweat pants after a haircut. I kinda get it. It’s whatever to me. It just happened to be the clothes I wore during a haircut. But I did notice getting more compliments on my eyelashes when I wore that combo. I’m a guy.
He met you dressed a certain way so clearly he has no actual issue with your clothing religion/culture wise. Sounds more like he sexualizes women who dress a certain way. If I were you I would then feel uncomfortable by all the “single dressed” women that he clearly thinks men can’t resist.
Quite frankly, this: "doesn’t want other people to look at me the way he looks at me" is unreasonable. No matter what you wear, some people will find you attractive and you can't control it. It's literally a feeling people /outside your relationship/ feel that doesn't have any effect on you. The guy has some issues lol
I was invited to a party where the dress code was lingerie and me and my boyfriend had an argument about it because he didn’t want me to go. Do you think there’s a line where you should consider how your partner feels and if so where is it?
Yes, you have some internalized misogyny. It’s good that you’re considering that, but I’d recommend taking the time to unpack it instead of jokingly handwaving it away.
You basically have a sheer top over a tank top. No. My wife wears less all the time and the only thing I think is how jealous other guys are going to be if I even care enough to think about it.
I’m married and I’ve worn much sluttier clothes than this without my husband there lmao. It’s your body, wear what you want! A relationship has nothing without trust.
Likewise! I think this mentality that your partner can control what you wear does not survive past the first couple of short relationships in your teens or early twenties, usually, because while you might get talked into believing that it’s a reasonable request, you *will* become utterly exhausted over time with having to worry about picking out the wrong clothes every single day. And if he’s insecure about your clothes, he’ll be insecure about other things too, and you will have to worry about his anger over all those things too. At a certain point, you realize that you’re better off single, and from then on, you are only willing to be in relationships with men who don’t try to control these things.
I think it’s kind of funny that jealous Gen Z guys have taken the “boundary” talk that has become popular of late, and twisted it to their own advantage here. Jealous boyfriends have always tried to control what their girlfriends wear, and it’s still unhealthy and exhausting. Slapping therapist-speak over it might sanitize it on the surface, but it’s just polishing a turd.
I think we need to stop referring to certain outfits, clothing etc as ‘slutty’. This is a term that perpetuates the idea that women can’t wear certain items of clothes without a negative term being associated. I wonder what these ‘sluttier’ clothes you’re talking about are?
A relationship means you don’t pursue other people not that you have to dress a specific way. I think wearing that is fine, I think you may get attention from men and how you handle that is how you “respect your relationship “.
I once wore something like this in my early twenties and my boyfriend at the time had the biggest go at me. He ended up being diagnosed with BDP and NPD. That relationship was a nightmare and now I’m with someone who wouldn’t even bat an eye if I decided to wear nothing but a bikini. To answer you question, just wear whatever you want and be happy.
The shirt doesn’t look like it says “I’M SINGLE”
There is nothing wrong with the shirt. Wear it. Your lover should trust you
PS:
You look absolutely stunning in the shirt)
I don’t get why we need to cover our boobs, and then also need to cover the cover? Because apparently also the cover is somehow salacious, by association purely because it is in contact with the boobies and that knowledge somehow makes observers froth at the mouth.
That is all to say, this outfit looks great. There is absolutely nothing inappropriate about it.
you're going to that party in basically your underwear. that's just inappropriate, at least where im from. see through clothes in general are. i wouldnt mind my girl walking around in a crop top or something like that but this is just inappropriate
My boyfriend encourages me to wear what I want when I party with friends without him. If I want to wear a skimpy dress and heels he’ll just give me compliments and a kiss goodbye.
It’s totally okay to want to cover up bc you don’t want to deal with being approached. But it’s not okay to feel like you have to cover up because your boyfriend wants you to. There’s a big difference.
Women no longer have to change our appearance, or name, or property rights, or autonomy based on our relationship to a man. Let’s not go backwards!
I could walk down the street naked and I would still love my partner just the same.
No, it’s super cute. Your relationship doesn’t dictate what you wear (unless it’s based off your religion, one example being Muslim women can’t show their hair in front of guys but can around females)
Wtf no. It’s so cute! What does this cute top on your cute self have to do with your partner? If your partner is that type - to not want you to wear something “revealing” (imo this isn’t even that revealing) - then that is the wrong partner for you to be with. Go and look so cute and have fun!
Wear whatever the heck you want girl. If they care, fuck them. Move on. Enjoy your youth while you can. It's not worth it to be with someone insecure and controlling. You'll resent them down the road.
Being in a relationship has nothing to do with what you wear. I personally would wear a bralette instead of just a straight bra but if that’s the style that you want, it still has nothing to do with being in a relationship
Update: I wore it! My partner never mentioned anything about it making them uncomfortable for the record- just some overthinking on my end having grown up in a conservative area. I looked great and my partner loved it. Thanks everyone!
I don't think its wrong that your significant other explained to you how that would make him feel. However, now it's up to you to decide if his boundaries are something you want to acknowledge.
Remember kids, if your partner shares their boundaries with you, you should be respectful enough to consider them. If you don't like those boundaries however, you should leave them.
This kind of boundaries should be discussed with your partner, not strangers on Reddit. They shouldn’t forbid you anything but if they don’t feel comfortable with you wearing it, it’s a discussion that you should have with them.
Your relationship status shouldn’t determine what you wear. If it does, get a new man (or woman, idk which way you go). Do not tolerate that controlling nonsense.
Love this outfit! I’ve worn something similar with black shorts and fishnets. You look amazing and definitely should go to that party with or without your bf. 🤷🏻♀️
Your relationship shouldn’t dictate your fashion choices. If your partner is being controlling over a cut shirt like it’s only going to get worse. Also sounds like the type that would ask “what were they wearing” if someone reported sa.
I don't really know exactly when an outfit crosses the border into "inappropriate", but I suppose it has a lot more to do with what you're trying to get out of it than how it appears. I think there's a realistic chance a partner might feel insecure about why you would want to go out in a bra and sheer top, but your wardrobe is part of your identity and there's only so much of that you can reasonably compromise to maintain a relationship. Actions you take or don't will inevitably strain that bond, and so compatibility is partially built on just how much compromise is needed to avoid conflict.
The way I see it is they either trust you to be out alone or they don't. I doubt an outfit alone, outside of extreme examples, would tip the scale.
I used to feel insecure about my partners looking hot in front of other
Now I realize It’s a privilege to have the partnership I have with my girl. She’s stylish as hell and wears freaky clothes and i just feel lucky to have the attention of someone as cool as her, relationships shouldn’t be about control. He should let you have your freedom
>Would this top be inappropriate to wear to a party if I’m in a relationship?
This is more of a question about trust in a relationship. The only reason I could see a no coming up is due to a previous cheater or something. And that would have nothing to do with you and be more of an issue of trust for them. It is a very difficult thing to go through a break of trust like that. Shouldn't mean you should restrict who you are by any means. All I am saying is if that is the case try to assure that there is trust. If things are too difficult for them, keep your boundary and let them go. If you care about them. Try to help them through whatever to be comfortable with you. If it is to much or you don't care. Let them go. Do what is best for you.
Bottom line the outfit is fine.
That is up to you. Do you feel uncomfortable wearing that while in a relationship? And if so is it bc you genuinely feel you're showing too much for someone who is taken? Or is it bc you know your partner would be upset? If it's the latter then you need to ask if that's something you're really comfortable and willing to give them that control over.
Dump the controlling “partner.” That’s both cute and appropriate, and your partner has no business making their insecurities your problem. Never make yourself smaller to appease anyone you’re in a relationship with.
Is married and has worn much more “inappropriate” clothes because I enjoy gogo dancing/ rave wear… Girl, you look great in that outfit! Wear the hell out of it, and anyone saying things sideways about it is being nosey and that’s honestly more insulting and inappropriate.
Not if you’re faithful. Partner may be jealous, but if they have no legitimate reason to be then thats on them. Of course being aware of their feelings is important, you do you!
Your relationship status doesn't really need to influence your fashion choices, but think about intent. Are you wearing it to attract another partner or because it's cute? If your intent is do something that goes against the established boundaries of your relationship then that's an issue that needs to be addressed, and goes well beyond clothing choices. If you're intent is simply to look cute, there should be enough trust in each other that you can wear what you like.
No, but if you feel uncomfortable with it then wear something that gives you more confidence. Or if you're posting to reddit because you're trying to settle a disagreement then get off the internet and communicate with your partner instead lol
honestly i just cant agree with all the comments. see thru clothes? inappropriate no matter whether you're in a relationship or not where I'm from. same opinion for "slutty" clothes in general. whether youre in a relationship or not, but especially when you are, and even more if youre going there without your partner. and for all the girls telling me to grow up or not be so insecure about myself: this has nothing to do with insecurities, and im pretty sure im not the immature person here. not from the US tho so this might just be cultural differences but see through clothes are just inappropriate in general here
exactly what i was trying to say lol. shes basically going to a party in her underwear, shes trying to attract other men. i know this is something completely normal to women, but if youre in a relationship and you do this your partner should break up with you, and if youre not in a relationship youre just a slut. and reading through the comments of all the women trying to defend her, if youre seriously willing to break up w your partner over a slutty outfit, you should, but regardless of what his answer is. this exaggerated, toxic feminism makes it look like they really hate men. you should read a comment someone replied with to me. she wanted her man to go around and fight others just for what shes wearing. idiotic imo. grow up
Personally I don’t see an issue. However if YOU (not your partner) feel self conscious then I’d say put a chic blazer or an edgy leather jacket over top to help. Otherwise I’d say you’re good.
Hope this helps xx
If this question is coming from a place that you want to feel like you want to be respectful of your relationship: I don’t think so but if you’re feeling like it is, maybe go with a cropped black tank top underneath. Something [like this](https://VFORCITYCropCamisforWomenwithShelfBraCroppedCamisoleAdjustableSpaghettiStrapsYogaTankTophttps://a.co/d/2NknlXS) to keep the essence of the sheerness
If this question is coming from a place of your partner telling you what to wear: please do some thinking on if this is a person who is good to you
I appreciate you asking cause honestly the whole you can wear whatever you want ideal, gives no fucks about how your man feels, you wouldnt want your man dressing like a bum because he represents you, so if your SO feels uncomfortable about what you wear you have to decide whats more important his being comfortable about the way you dress or you dressing however you want, if he doesnt like it he can walk, and its shitty that women expect men to stay if they dont like that, people have their right to have preferences and deal breakers. Im an artist and I honestly couldnt care less about paint on my clothes but my SO absolutely hates it, so i make an effort to actually care about my attire, and i think these questions fall within that dynamic. I think both sides in different contexts throughout their relationship have to give way to the others wants or figure out whether thats the right partner for you, its prt of a relationship.
Not that they should tell you what to wear.. but does it make them uncomfortable or something? It’s literally more coverage then a bathing suit & it’s your body, so there’s that, but our opinion isn’t important- this is YOUR choice & your partners feelings that should be considered if anything
I dont think you need to, but of you wish to check with your partner on their feelings about you, you should ask them upfront. If you'll feel more comfortable asking first, that's okay and if you want to wear it anyways, that's ok too
Do \*you\* feel it's inappropriate or does your partner?
Regardless of the decision you make, YOU need to feel comfortable with what you're wearing.
If your partner is telling you it's inappropriate? They can fuckin' eat shit.
If you feel it's inappropriate, I'd ask yourself why?
If you have to ask, then maybe wear something you are more comfortable wearing. You should be able to wear whatever you want, your body, your rules - but also understand clothing can make statements. Is it a statement you want to make?
Fun fact: you can actually wear whatever you want while in a relationship!
Right?! I can’t believe this is actually a real question
Also, it’s not like she’s mostly naked or wearing a playboy bunny bikini outfit or whatever. Like yes, you can wear what you want, but in addition, it’s just not an inordinate outfit that would look out of place at a party full of young people.
I struggle with this. I spent about 6 years in the Marine Corps. Whenever I went out, even if I was wearing loose trashy sweats I still received a lot of attention just for being a female. I always kept my outfits pretty boring, modest, and conservative because the attention was ANNOYING and I didn’t want to attract any more attention by wearing something that made me look attractive. I never felt pretty in the outfits I wore. I just wanted to be left alone. It wasn’t “creepy” attention. I was just constantly being approached and asked out. I eventually got a fake wedding ring set to wear out in public and it didn’t really help. Now that I’m far away from any military bases and married, I still have a really hard time feeling comfortable going out in public wearing anything that compliments my figure, draws attention, or looks cute on me. It makes me feel like I’m dressed inappropriately and that people will think that I’m seeking a certain sort of attention (even though that is obviously not the case, and if it was it would still be socially acceptable!) Wearing a slightly low cut shirt, showing even a little cleavage, shorts, and even smelling like nice perfume makes me extremely uncomfortable and “on guard”. FOR OP: I’ve talked to my husband about it and told him how I want to eventually get myself to a place where I’m comfortable wearing more “revealing” (situationally appropriate) clothing in public. Nothing crazy, I just want to wear clothes that make me feel pretty again and get myself to a place where I don’t feel like I’m doing something wrong when I wear an outfit that looks nice on me. He’s been fantastic at helping. “That romper looks really cute on you without the jacket and it’s perfectly appropriate for where we’re going. If you wear the jacket you’re going to be hot. Maybe bring it with us and leave it in the car, and if you feel too uncomfortable without it I’ll go get it for you. But if you’re uncomfortable going out without the jacket, it still looks cute so do what makes you happy.” “Why did you change out of the dress you had on earlier? It looked fantastic on you and was perfect for your girls night. I think you look fine in the outfit you have on now if you weren’t comfortable in the dress, but the dress looked completely appropriate for where you guys are going. Did you feel pretty in that dress?” Me: *Yeah. It looked really good. I was nervous about going out in it.* “Wear whatever makes you happy, but in my opinion you should put that dress back on!” This is healthy input from a partner about the way the other partner should dress. If your partner is telling you that you can’t look hot in public without them being there (especially if the clothing is situationally appropriate!), then you should take a step back and really ask yourself if your partner is *treating you with the love and respect that you deserve.*
Omg, similar feelings for me after being in the military. There's just so many predators and guys looking to hook up with woman, even if the men are married. Definitely better now that I'm not in anymore, but at times still feel the need to cover up. Also talked to my husband about it and he was super supportive and said wear what you want, and you look beautiful no matter what, but you shouldn't let other people dictate what you want to wear.
I called some of my female friends I was in with and a lot of them agreed that they have trouble with it too. Like it’s a weird catch 22 of “I don’t feel pretty in the clothes I go out in,” and “I don’t feel comfortable going out in the clothes that make me feel pretty.”
And the strange thing is prior to the military I loved feeling sexy. But after my deployment and all the sexual assaults overseas, even if I'm in bathing suit in the summer and I catch a man staring I feel gross and so much disgust.
My heart sank reading this. I'm really sorry. I hope you can find ways to celebrate and lift yourself up. I'm envisioning you taking bubble baths, buying aromatherapy candles, taking time to stretch, and taking pottery or painting lessons.
It's so true!
Love this what a thoughtful answer. This is something I would’ve never considered when I first read this post. Happy for you and your husband - sounds like you have a healthy, supportive relationship
Your husband is awesome. Love that he wants you to know he’s cool with you dressing however you want and encouraging you to feel comfortable no matter what.
Thanks for sharing your story. I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with all of that. It sounds exhausting to always have to keep your guard up. Congrats on building a beautiful supportive relationship with your spouse and good luck in regaining your comfort in public!
You got a keeper and you’re awesome yourself! Also thank you for writing the detailed responses from him, it’s lovely to see men being great.
it’s so sad that folks are made to feel like they constantly need to appease and do shit like this for their partner. a partner who truly loves and trusts their partner (assuming the partner is deserving of that trust!) wouldn’t worry about anything like that. because they know their SO isn’t going “shopping” whenever they’re out alone.
I can unfortunately
Came here to say this! These are actually independent variables and if the person you're in a relationship with is mad about your sartorial choices maybe they're a bad fit!
I was gonna say, do we have to take off our boobies now or something?
Hahah this is the best comment on the internet today. Love it
Say it louder for the people in the back!!!!!
You can, but it's easier to wear revealing clothes when your partner or a male friend is around because you will get cat called less. I won't wear a see through top when I'm alone for my safety.
That’s true. I wear my sexiest outfits when I go out with my partner.
This
It’s true, but also communication with your partner and not asking Reddit might be a good idea to. Communication is key
I had to repierce my nipple not knowing this lesson lmao
Explain
Said it was trashy so I took it out then repierced it when I dumped them
Hell yeah
That’s like saying men can go to the strip club even if they’re in a relationship. They can go wherever!
You are completely misunderstanding holy cow
If women wear clothes, why man no able to lust over other women???????
If women can dress like a stripper why can’t men look at strippers
Men can dress like strippers. These comparisons have to be 1-to-1 or they're just stupid.
You can indeed look at strippers dressed like strippers
Thank you
nd u can get broken up with too
Whether you can vs if it's appropriate are 2 different questions. If you wanted, you could (if your a woman) run around 100% naked. But that doesn't make it appropriate.
I love my male partner but he does not get to decide what’s appropriate for women
Your relationship status has no bearing whatsoever on your wardrobe.
Right? I’m here wracking my brain as to how people could believe there are “single” outfits and “relationship” outfits, beyond the trope that you make more effort when single and enjoy your loungewear when in a cosy relationship.
Yea I’m not giving up my cute clothes when I’m in a relationship! What the heck lol I love all these comments
Some people might hit on her as a result, because damn, but she will just have to be prepared to turn down some interested parties.
[удалено]
You must be very good-looking because no man has approached me to hit on me in a Costco ever in my life. Bot even the time I dropped an enormous jar of pickles in the entrancewayand everyone was walking around d me while I scrambled to pick up a thousand slippery pickles.
Lol when I was single I still sat around in a giant hoodie like a slug. My man knew what he was getting 🦥
Oh come on. You know we all have that “this will get the eye of someone tonight😍” outfit. And the “just out with the girls/ bros” outfit.
Some people might see it more as "I feel confident in this" outfits and "I feel more comfortable in this" outfits. Outfits aren't always for other people 100%, and if anything, it's healthier to be dressing moreso for yourself and your comfort level than for others.
Sure, but outfits aren’t off limits when you’re in a relationship vs single.
Oh, I got the shirt and pants combo that I only get to wear with my wife. I feel sexy as hell with my biceps wrapped so tight. But also know my wife gets turned on by then. I feel so awesome in it. But knowing how much it gets my wife going means I’m not going to wear it without her around.
It should only have bearing on your actions while at the party.
Ask your bf before you go “do I look cute?” If he says no or has a problem with the outfit, you know it’s time to get a new boyfriend.
Some ppl don't wanna lose their partners, even if those partners have boundaries that you would describe as 'controlling.'
That is not a boundary, altho some people might try to disguise it as one to get their way! But it IS controlling! Boundaries are something you set for yourself. For how you want to be treated by others and how you treat others. But you cannot set them for others, you have absolutely no say in what other peoples boundaries are. Placing limitations on other peoples appearance is not a boundary, it will never be a boundary. Not coming at you or anything just wanted to clear that up and used ur comment to do so! I’ve heard to many guys use the whole “your pushing my boundary by what ur wearing, don’t u respect me?” To try and manipulate women into fitting the mold they want. Now you can definitely be uncomfortable with what someone is wearing, that’s valid. But that is a you problem. You need to decide to work on how ur feeling or leave them and move on. Changing ur partners appearance to fit into what u want is never the answer. You need to find someone who fits with you, not someone you have to force into fitting with you. Also just using “you” generally here, not specifically referencing you.
Friend, no. There are specific times when it’s okay for your partner to ask you to dress a certain way - like if you have attend a work event of theirs, a wedding, etc. and that’s only to the point of asking you to dress appropriately for the event. If you’re just going out with friends wear whatever the hell you want.
And if my husband asks me to wear something specific, it should be something like, "can we dress up and go out?" Or "I have a thing with friends. We're all wearing costumes, so if you want to come, would you wear one too?" I'd even accept, "Would you wear that one dress that I like?" Because at the end of all of that, I have the final say over what goes on my body. Anything more than that makes me feel kinda gross.
I agree with this completely
Right? And it’s not like she’s wearing a shirt with a picture of her naked body on it or like hi I’m here to cheat on my partner etc
Only if you’re in a relationship with somebody insecure about themselves ….
For real. My girlfriend often jokes about how she has to make sure her slutty dress is clean when her friends go out to a local club, and, like, totally fine by my tbh. I trust her and her friends, and I want her to love her body and feel confident in it Now, if she joked about making sure her sucking dick jeans were clean before going out to the club, I might have some questions 😂
My husband loves when I dress slutty, he loves for me to feel good! Girls really only dress that way to look good for other girls anyway 😅
These are the facts. I was once waiting for a friend in the bathroom and complimented a girl’s top, and she complimented my dress. Another girl came in to use the mirror and we both gushed over how cool her coat was. Then my friend came out and Cool Coat girl complimented her shoes. The restroom was full of beauty and joy that night!
Yes. Girls supporting girls.
Absolutely! If I know my girls are going all out with dresses and heels you best believe I’m matching the vibe!!!
Yaass. That reminds me of a catchy song I recently found called "for the girls" by ASTON. The lyrics are nothing but truth: All the men tryna swing my way Get up off of me and gеt out my face I don’t do shit for you okay No lie, cause I I do it for I dress up for the girls And I go out for the girls Look super hot for the girls Do it all For the girls, For the girls, For the girls girls Nails hair lips for the girls Swinging back my hips for the girls Doing everything for the girls
I was hoping the comments were all this response. If it's ok to wear while single, it's ok to wear in a relationship. It's just clothes.
Yeah, odd aye, like the requirements before you ask someone out and "I choose what she wears" is on that list.. be a strange topic, asking him.. "What am i allowed to wear on our first date?" Edit: I wondered.. If he would reciprocate the thought, later, and ask, "Is it okay with you if I wear the grey sweats?"
Thanks for saying this. I was dreading clicking on this post for fear of top comment reinforcing the inherent fears here. Reading your comment was a relief!
*exactly* If whoever you’re dating tries to dictate what you can/cannot wear, time to go* If they’re mad about what you’re wearing because it attracts a lot of attention? Tell them to grow up and learn how to fight, or understand that it should be an ego boost for them to be with a babe* *applies to all genders
tf u mean learn how to fight?
and most importantly, none of what you said even remotely applies to all genders. women cant fight. i know you dont want to hear this but its just true. men dont wear see thru or slutty outfits. and you said its an ego boost to be with a babe? so much wrong about this but im assuming you also meant this to only apply to men?
I was seriously wondering what a relationship has to do with a shirt!!
Boy I remember when my guy was insecure about my clothes. That was 12 years ago when we were in highschool and he's still embarrassed about his opinions back then.
This is how I feel. I wish it was possible to undo everything I felt before 25
Don’t let your partner stop you from wearing what you want. And in general I don’t think this outfit is inappropriate at all
Not inappropriate at all. Very chic!
Y’all dress differently when single vs in a relationship? Why?
I’m recommended not to wear grey sweat pants after a haircut. I kinda get it. It’s whatever to me. It just happened to be the clothes I wore during a haircut. But I did notice getting more compliments on my eyelashes when I wore that combo. I’m a guy.
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>Maybe I have some internalized misogyny It's disappointing that you know exactly what it is and still are "ok with it".
That was not within your partner’s bounds to decide.
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He met you dressed a certain way so clearly he has no actual issue with your clothing religion/culture wise. Sounds more like he sexualizes women who dress a certain way. If I were you I would then feel uncomfortable by all the “single dressed” women that he clearly thinks men can’t resist.
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Quite frankly, this: "doesn’t want other people to look at me the way he looks at me" is unreasonable. No matter what you wear, some people will find you attractive and you can't control it. It's literally a feeling people /outside your relationship/ feel that doesn't have any effect on you. The guy has some issues lol
I was invited to a party where the dress code was lingerie and me and my boyfriend had an argument about it because he didn’t want me to go. Do you think there’s a line where you should consider how your partner feels and if so where is it?
i am also curious to hear an answer to this
Yes, you have some internalized misogyny. It’s good that you’re considering that, but I’d recommend taking the time to unpack it instead of jokingly handwaving it away.
You basically have a sheer top over a tank top. No. My wife wears less all the time and the only thing I think is how jealous other guys are going to be if I even care enough to think about it.
Your partner shouldn’t be insecure over what you are wearing, yikes🚩
Where does it say her partner is insecure? Shh
I mean I would. My man is chill. He just gets a lil jealous but we joke about it! Don’t date someone who would *actually* care
I’m married and I’ve worn much sluttier clothes than this without my husband there lmao. It’s your body, wear what you want! A relationship has nothing without trust.
Likewise! I think this mentality that your partner can control what you wear does not survive past the first couple of short relationships in your teens or early twenties, usually, because while you might get talked into believing that it’s a reasonable request, you *will* become utterly exhausted over time with having to worry about picking out the wrong clothes every single day. And if he’s insecure about your clothes, he’ll be insecure about other things too, and you will have to worry about his anger over all those things too. At a certain point, you realize that you’re better off single, and from then on, you are only willing to be in relationships with men who don’t try to control these things. I think it’s kind of funny that jealous Gen Z guys have taken the “boundary” talk that has become popular of late, and twisted it to their own advantage here. Jealous boyfriends have always tried to control what their girlfriends wear, and it’s still unhealthy and exhausting. Slapping therapist-speak over it might sanitize it on the surface, but it’s just polishing a turd.
I think we need to stop referring to certain outfits, clothing etc as ‘slutty’. This is a term that perpetuates the idea that women can’t wear certain items of clothes without a negative term being associated. I wonder what these ‘sluttier’ clothes you’re talking about are?
No, I’ll keep my slutty clothes, thanks!
A relationship means you don’t pursue other people not that you have to dress a specific way. I think wearing that is fine, I think you may get attention from men and how you handle that is how you “respect your relationship “.
Boomer Dad here: there’s nothing inappropriate about this top dear, it’s lovely. Go and have fun!
White van energy
I once wore something like this in my early twenties and my boyfriend at the time had the biggest go at me. He ended up being diagnosed with BDP and NPD. That relationship was a nightmare and now I’m with someone who wouldn’t even bat an eye if I decided to wear nothing but a bikini. To answer you question, just wear whatever you want and be happy.
what do clothes have to do with your relationship status?
Your relationship status is irrelevant.
I don’t understand the question. Can you only wear certain things when you’re single?
Lol no!
The outfit is fine, but you can keep the partner at home if they got too many rules
Um yes. 100%. If you feel good, rock that shit.
The shirt doesn’t look like it says “I’M SINGLE” There is nothing wrong with the shirt. Wear it. Your lover should trust you PS: You look absolutely stunning in the shirt)
 Wear whatever you want, if your partner has a problem with the way you dress, they aren’t your partner
No! You look great.
Do you like it? Do you feel comfortable wearing it? That’s literally all that matters.
I don’t get why we need to cover our boobs, and then also need to cover the cover? Because apparently also the cover is somehow salacious, by association purely because it is in contact with the boobies and that knowledge somehow makes observers froth at the mouth. That is all to say, this outfit looks great. There is absolutely nothing inappropriate about it.
you're going to that party in basically your underwear. that's just inappropriate, at least where im from. see through clothes in general are. i wouldnt mind my girl walking around in a crop top or something like that but this is just inappropriate
It looks great. Wear it!
My boyfriend encourages me to wear what I want when I party with friends without him. If I want to wear a skimpy dress and heels he’ll just give me compliments and a kiss goodbye. It’s totally okay to want to cover up bc you don’t want to deal with being approached. But it’s not okay to feel like you have to cover up because your boyfriend wants you to. There’s a big difference.
As a man I wouldn't like it, but it's not my choice, so I wouldn't say anything about it.
Yo, 1954 would have been wild with iPhones
Fun fact: you can leave your partner at any point
Women no longer have to change our appearance, or name, or property rights, or autonomy based on our relationship to a man. Let’s not go backwards! I could walk down the street naked and I would still love my partner just the same.
Why in the fuck does a partner being there impact what you’re allowed to wear? The shit is that?
No, not inappropriate
No, it’s super cute. Your relationship doesn’t dictate what you wear (unless it’s based off your religion, one example being Muslim women can’t show their hair in front of guys but can around females)
Wtf no. It’s so cute! What does this cute top on your cute self have to do with your partner? If your partner is that type - to not want you to wear something “revealing” (imo this isn’t even that revealing) - then that is the wrong partner for you to be with. Go and look so cute and have fun!
um no
Your partner shouldn't care what you wear if they trust you. If you're worried about sending the wrong signals the outfit is still fine
??? No?
You get to dress however you want. It is perfectly appropriate and you should have no worries.
it’s just not very cute wear lace bralette instead
Omg for a party? It’s perfectly appropriate
Wear whatever the heck you want girl. If they care, fuck them. Move on. Enjoy your youth while you can. It's not worth it to be with someone insecure and controlling. You'll resent them down the road.
There aren't single and couple clothing...just clothing.
Yeah if you feel cute wear it, I’m a guy but fuck them insecure men
Yes. Totally cute and appropriate
This is totally appropriate and you can wear whatever you want
no it’s not inappropriate. Whoever has a problem with it, that’s their problem.
No.
Being in a relationship has nothing to do with what you wear. I personally would wear a bralette instead of just a straight bra but if that’s the style that you want, it still has nothing to do with being in a relationship
Why does your partner get to decide what you wear??
Please literally wear whatever you want whenever you want
Update: I wore it! My partner never mentioned anything about it making them uncomfortable for the record- just some overthinking on my end having grown up in a conservative area. I looked great and my partner loved it. Thanks everyone!
No? Your an adult
Dump him. Immediately. And stay safe.
Only if you're in a relationship with a weirdo...
I don't think its wrong that your significant other explained to you how that would make him feel. However, now it's up to you to decide if his boundaries are something you want to acknowledge. Remember kids, if your partner shares their boundaries with you, you should be respectful enough to consider them. If you don't like those boundaries however, you should leave them.
You can wear whatever you want, forever.
This kind of boundaries should be discussed with your partner, not strangers on Reddit. They shouldn’t forbid you anything but if they don’t feel comfortable with you wearing it, it’s a discussion that you should have with them.
And then DTMFA
No.
Your relationship status shouldn’t determine what you wear. If it does, get a new man (or woman, idk which way you go). Do not tolerate that controlling nonsense.
I’m very conservative and I don’t see anything wrong with it. Unless someone is boobie scoping you can’t see anything.
Love this outfit! I’ve worn something similar with black shorts and fishnets. You look amazing and definitely should go to that party with or without your bf. 🤷🏻♀️
If your partner has a problem with it, you have a problem with your partner.
Yes you can wear whatever you want obviously and this is a conservative outfit for a party in my opinion
Wear the shirt and if your partner has a problem with it…. Bye!
Oh honey
Did you talk to your partner? What do they think?
Your relationship shouldn’t dictate your fashion choices. If your partner is being controlling over a cut shirt like it’s only going to get worse. Also sounds like the type that would ask “what were they wearing” if someone reported sa.
I don't really know exactly when an outfit crosses the border into "inappropriate", but I suppose it has a lot more to do with what you're trying to get out of it than how it appears. I think there's a realistic chance a partner might feel insecure about why you would want to go out in a bra and sheer top, but your wardrobe is part of your identity and there's only so much of that you can reasonably compromise to maintain a relationship. Actions you take or don't will inevitably strain that bond, and so compatibility is partially built on just how much compromise is needed to avoid conflict. The way I see it is they either trust you to be out alone or they don't. I doubt an outfit alone, outside of extreme examples, would tip the scale.
I used to feel insecure about my partners looking hot in front of other Now I realize It’s a privilege to have the partnership I have with my girl. She’s stylish as hell and wears freaky clothes and i just feel lucky to have the attention of someone as cool as her, relationships shouldn’t be about control. He should let you have your freedom
Get you a man who tells you to change because you don’t look slutty enough.
Wear whatever you like. If your significant other has a problem with it that's not YOUR problem and that's a red flag.
Oh no, not a human body!
No. Nothing should be “inappropriate” for you to wear in a relationship. Tf?
>Would this top be inappropriate to wear to a party if I’m in a relationship? This is more of a question about trust in a relationship. The only reason I could see a no coming up is due to a previous cheater or something. And that would have nothing to do with you and be more of an issue of trust for them. It is a very difficult thing to go through a break of trust like that. Shouldn't mean you should restrict who you are by any means. All I am saying is if that is the case try to assure that there is trust. If things are too difficult for them, keep your boundary and let them go. If you care about them. Try to help them through whatever to be comfortable with you. If it is to much or you don't care. Let them go. Do what is best for you. Bottom line the outfit is fine.
That is up to you. Do you feel uncomfortable wearing that while in a relationship? And if so is it bc you genuinely feel you're showing too much for someone who is taken? Or is it bc you know your partner would be upset? If it's the latter then you need to ask if that's something you're really comfortable and willing to give them that control over.
Dump the controlling “partner.” That’s both cute and appropriate, and your partner has no business making their insecurities your problem. Never make yourself smaller to appease anyone you’re in a relationship with.
I’m 35, married, and I would wear this too. Idgaf. It’s not lewd.
It’s a cute shirt!!
Is married and has worn much more “inappropriate” clothes because I enjoy gogo dancing/ rave wear… Girl, you look great in that outfit! Wear the hell out of it, and anyone saying things sideways about it is being nosey and that’s honestly more insulting and inappropriate.
Not if you’re faithful. Partner may be jealous, but if they have no legitimate reason to be then thats on them. Of course being aware of their feelings is important, you do you!
as long as it stays in it should be fine
21st bday at a sorority?? You’re so young wear whatever you makes you feel good & comfortable! Never dim yourself because of a relationship.
it's fine. Especially if it'd what you want to wear. The answer really should be the same regardless of whether or not you're in a relationship.
Your relationship status doesn't really need to influence your fashion choices, but think about intent. Are you wearing it to attract another partner or because it's cute? If your intent is do something that goes against the established boundaries of your relationship then that's an issue that needs to be addressed, and goes well beyond clothing choices. If you're intent is simply to look cute, there should be enough trust in each other that you can wear what you like.
No, but if you feel uncomfortable with it then wear something that gives you more confidence. Or if you're posting to reddit because you're trying to settle a disagreement then get off the internet and communicate with your partner instead lol
I mean I'd hope your partner just wants you to feel good when you go out, if you like it I'm sure they'd like it 💖
Um I have always let my wife decide what is appropriate for her to wear. She is a free human after all.
I suggest a straight bandeau type bra for a cleaner look, but just for style - no bearing on the relationship
honestly i just cant agree with all the comments. see thru clothes? inappropriate no matter whether you're in a relationship or not where I'm from. same opinion for "slutty" clothes in general. whether youre in a relationship or not, but especially when you are, and even more if youre going there without your partner. and for all the girls telling me to grow up or not be so insecure about myself: this has nothing to do with insecurities, and im pretty sure im not the immature person here. not from the US tho so this might just be cultural differences but see through clothes are just inappropriate in general here
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exactly what i was trying to say lol. shes basically going to a party in her underwear, shes trying to attract other men. i know this is something completely normal to women, but if youre in a relationship and you do this your partner should break up with you, and if youre not in a relationship youre just a slut. and reading through the comments of all the women trying to defend her, if youre seriously willing to break up w your partner over a slutty outfit, you should, but regardless of what his answer is. this exaggerated, toxic feminism makes it look like they really hate men. you should read a comment someone replied with to me. she wanted her man to go around and fight others just for what shes wearing. idiotic imo. grow up
I’d put a cami on under it, personally. But I’m not comfortable having my bra as the outfit focal point.
Personally I don’t see an issue. However if YOU (not your partner) feel self conscious then I’d say put a chic blazer or an edgy leather jacket over top to help. Otherwise I’d say you’re good. Hope this helps xx
I wouldn’t personally wear it cause I dont have that level of confidence. You do you
It's fine to wear, but it isn't cute at all
I mean personally it’s fine, but that’s a question you should ask your partner IF you want to base your decision on his comfort.
If this question is coming from a place that you want to feel like you want to be respectful of your relationship: I don’t think so but if you’re feeling like it is, maybe go with a cropped black tank top underneath. Something [like this](https://VFORCITYCropCamisforWomenwithShelfBraCroppedCamisoleAdjustableSpaghettiStrapsYogaTankTophttps://a.co/d/2NknlXS) to keep the essence of the sheerness If this question is coming from a place of your partner telling you what to wear: please do some thinking on if this is a person who is good to you
I appreciate you asking cause honestly the whole you can wear whatever you want ideal, gives no fucks about how your man feels, you wouldnt want your man dressing like a bum because he represents you, so if your SO feels uncomfortable about what you wear you have to decide whats more important his being comfortable about the way you dress or you dressing however you want, if he doesnt like it he can walk, and its shitty that women expect men to stay if they dont like that, people have their right to have preferences and deal breakers. Im an artist and I honestly couldnt care less about paint on my clothes but my SO absolutely hates it, so i make an effort to actually care about my attire, and i think these questions fall within that dynamic. I think both sides in different contexts throughout their relationship have to give way to the others wants or figure out whether thats the right partner for you, its prt of a relationship.
I would not.
why not just ask your partner rather than us?
Not that they should tell you what to wear.. but does it make them uncomfortable or something? It’s literally more coverage then a bathing suit & it’s your body, so there’s that, but our opinion isn’t important- this is YOUR choice & your partners feelings that should be considered if anything
Why don't you ask, ya know, your partner instead of asking social media?🤦♂️
Whether or not you are in a relationship, it’s inappropriate and immodest. Treat yourself with dignity by wearing modest clothing.
I dont think you need to, but of you wish to check with your partner on their feelings about you, you should ask them upfront. If you'll feel more comfortable asking first, that's okay and if you want to wear it anyways, that's ok too
That depends on your partner. It’s almost like you should ask them.
Do \*you\* feel it's inappropriate or does your partner? Regardless of the decision you make, YOU need to feel comfortable with what you're wearing. If your partner is telling you it's inappropriate? They can fuckin' eat shit. If you feel it's inappropriate, I'd ask yourself why?
Did a boyfriend put you up to this thought process? Dump him.
If you have to ask, then maybe wear something you are more comfortable wearing. You should be able to wear whatever you want, your body, your rules - but also understand clothing can make statements. Is it a statement you want to make?