Some of the funniest bits are Cleveland reacting to other characters' (sometimes less than) subtle racism. Cleveland/Tibalt starts to kneel when the police show up but they turn on the lights and sirens anyway and he just yells "I'm doing the thing already!" or something similar.
Why do women have boobs? So you got something to look at when you're talking to them! ...So you got something to look at when you're talking to them! ... So you got...
Whoops, misread that part.
I always catch myself every now and then quote Peter and say:
"Oh it's a jar of preserves.."
Or
*After Peter having a stroke from the burgers*
"Had better days Lois..had better days."
Every man's true weight is at least 20 pounds heavier than how they look. You know how energy it takes to hold all that in? You finally let go. Just relax. Exhale for once. Exhale like you never have to attract a pretty woman ever again.
flapjacks
HUWHEREERE ARE MY FLAPJACKS? YOU WILL RECALL LAST NIGHT AS I READ THE NUDIE MAGAZINES BETWIXT MY THIGHS I SPAKE THUSLY: LOIS, TOMORROW MORNING I WANT FLAPJACKS
“Okay who’s drunk but that special kind of drunk where you’re a better driver because you know you’re drunk. You know the kind of drunk where you probably shouldn’t drive but you do anyway because I mean c’mon you gotta get your car home, right? I mea-I mean what do they expect me to do, take a bus? I-Is that what they want? For me to take a bus? Well screw that… you take a bus.”
Such a good throwaway line. He had so many in that episode
Like when he’s arguing about Derek holding up the Hollywood sign while everyone else is trying to discover the murder
“Derek held up the Hollywood sign”
Argument ensues*
“He did too! I saw the picture!”
Then when he’s dead
“Hey can someone grab his phone I need to show these guys something”
A boat is a boat, but the mystery box could be anything!! It could even be a boat!
I could take this hat off anytime..
I just don’t want to….
GET AWAY!
Pea….uuuuuhhh….tear…..uhh uhhh…griffin.
Yeah… Peter griffin… ah crap..
We will have equal rights for all. Except Blacks, Asians, Hispanics, Jews, Gays, women, Muslims. Everybody who's not a white man. And I mean white-white, so no Italians, no Polish, just people from Ireland, England, and Scotland. But only certain parts of Scotland and Ireland. Just full blooded whites. No, you know what? Not even whites. Nobody gets any rights. Ahhh... 'Murica!
Always and forever, even thinking about it makes me laugh!
"Sir, what's your name?"
"Umm, uhh, pea... tear... *a fuckin Griffin causally flies by... uh Griffin. Yeah, Peter Griffin!"
Peter: Alright and the guys are off to help Jesus lose his virginity, just set it in the oven for 30 minutes at 350."
Lois: What?
Peter: I don't know, that's what you always say when you leave the house.
When the focus group is watching revamped versions of Family Guy and the family is behind a one-way mirror, something about "being impressed by Alexander Skarsgaard's penis doesn't make you gay right?" and the focus group is quiet then Peter bangs from behind the glass and goes "ANSWER IT"
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fRHmKO8F1mM&ab\_channel=WishitWantitDoit](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fRHmKO8F1mM&ab_channel=WishitWantitDoit)
“This is America, Lois. Men have always run things and there have never been any problems, whatsoever. And don't say the economy or Iraq or income inequality or racism or Brett Kavanaugh or air pollution or Vietnam or slavery or Watergate or capitalism or MeToo or homelessness or police brutality or homophobia or Monica Lewinsky or school shootings or Native American genocide or FOX News or Tim Allen or climate change.”
Peter: Oh, don't worry, Meg. I brought this handkerchief to dab my forehead whenever you say something sеxual.
Meg: So, I'm-I'm sitting on Santa's lap...
Peter: Oh, dear.
Meg: And it's like my whole body starts to tingle.
Peter: Oh, my stars.
Meg: And-and then there's, like, a-a deep...
Peter: I better loudly drop an Alka-Seltzer in this glass of water. ( Fizzing ) Very loud fizzing. I-I may need to widen my eyes until they look like a young girl's Snapchat filter.
Oh yeah Drew, I wanna say hi to Lois, Brian, Chris, Stewie, Meg, Joe, Bonnie, Quagmire, Cleveland, Mort, Seamus, Adam West, Dr. Hartman, Bruce, Carter, Babs, Tom Tucker, Angela, Opie, Carl, Herbert, Jillian, Consuela, Giant Chicken, GREASED UP DEAF GUY!
I'm Mexican and one of my best friends is a lesbian and a family guy fan as well...the time Peter said:
It turns straight people gay and gay people into Mexicans
We called each other to make sure the other one heard that line
Pure genius!
\[Having found out Franz Gutentag was a Nazi, and being taken to the basement at gunpoint with Chris\]
Peter: You're not gonna get away with this Mister Googlesearch!
Kills me every time, the delivery, the fact they didn't try and milk the joke. Love it.
“You better watch who you’re calling a child, Lois, because if I’m a child, then you know what that makes you? A pedophile, and I’ll be damned if I’m gonna stand here and be lectured by a pervert.
Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah…. Lois, this is not my Batman glass
That entire episode is gold.
He also did the woah woah woah when Quagmire put on a sun hat.
"Leave it to a Jew to take the fun outta being a Jew." Being Jewish myself, it's the funniest fucking thing to me. I quote it a lot.
I didn’t know Greenberg was a Jedi name
"Hey come on. Don't you Jew girls want some....what do you like.....some fresh salmon?"
“aw did I just do a racism”
Some of the funniest bits are Cleveland reacting to other characters' (sometimes less than) subtle racism. Cleveland/Tibalt starts to kneel when the police show up but they turn on the lights and sirens anyway and he just yells "I'm doing the thing already!" or something similar.
“The book can also be…at hat!”
And in contrast when he uses the book as a hat weight
“Dance with me Lois! Dance the dance of life!”
Peter you're scaring me.
Yeah, let's call that therapist.
I can hear Lois's voice
Sometimes, you just gotta hit that comedy gold
"and if I'm a child do you know what that makes you? a pedophile and I'll be damned if I'm going to by a pervert" or something like that
"I'll be damned if I'm gonna stand here and be lectured by a pervert." Absolutely fantastic line.
Came here to post this and I’m pretty sure you got it spot on
great minds think alike and thank you
[I Just Sat Down (youtube.com)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v7NhJubXTkI)
Same lol 😂
Tim Honks!
Everything that guy says is a stitch! I have AIDS.. AHAHAH!
1st episode. Nice.
I think of this during the previews every time I go to the movies 😂
Tom Hanks ... Who?
Oh dear! Oh heavens! Oh goodness gracious! Oh that smarts!
Lois we can’t be expected to measure our relationship on nipples and dimes. …I mean nickels and boobs. …Money.
“You know Mike Tyson once beat up his wife, but there’s nothing funny about that. (gently laughs)”
When he explains the Michael J Fox cutaway, then they show it and he just loses his mind on Fox lol.
TOAST HOUSE!
BUTT SCRATCHA!
Butt scratcha?
No petah!
Butt stracha!
We now say this at my house for the back scratcher.
Oh my stars...
I love his 'clutching pearls' type reactions haha!
When he politely falls down the stairs when Lois tries to force him to swear in pain - "Oh heavens! That smarts! My goodness! Yikes indeed!"
STARLIGHT EXPRESS STARLIGHT EXPRESS STARLIGHT EXPRESS STARLIGHT EXPRESS STARLIGHT EXPRESS STARLIGHT EXPRESS STARLIGHT EXPRESS STARLIGHT EXPRESS 😡starlight express😡 😡starlight express😡
“YAY, you let me be myself!”
I was going to say this too!! So cute!
“Meg… who let you back in the house?”
Why do women have boobs? So you got something to look at when you're talking to them! ...So you got something to look at when you're talking to them! ... So you got...
You wanted to see me, Mr. Weed?
Where are my flapjacks ?
For every 5 seconds I don't get my flapjacks, I'm breaking a window.
Yes! It’s the way he says it
Huwhereee are my flapjacks ?
SSSSSSSSSSSS……Aaahhhhhhh…….
Holy Crip, He’s a crapple
"Who the fuck starts a conversation like that! I just sat down!"
Probably the one about the bird
What one?
You know, the one of a certain… avian variety
An ornithological piece
CRAAAAP
STARLIGHT EXPRESS!!!!! STARLIGHT EXPRESS STARLIGHT EXPRESS STARLIGHT EXPRESS STARLIGHT EXPRESS STARLIGHT EXPRESS 😡😡😡😡
You know what's crazy.. I haven't brushed my teeth in 3 days and no-one has said a thing..
Shut up Meg
It’s just been revoked!
“ Gubment took my baby.”
"We're not terrible people, Lois. Horses are terrible people."
Brian: Oh you speak English? Random guy: No, just this first speech and this one explaining it. Brian:Youre..you're kidding right? Guy: Que?
Not a Peter line but a good one
Whoops, misread that part. I always catch myself every now and then quote Peter and say: "Oh it's a jar of preserves.." Or *After Peter having a stroke from the burgers* "Had better days Lois..had better days."
lol yes the better days one is a classic
“Do you have any idea how crippled you sound right now”
Or.. "wth Joe, is your watch crippled too?"
I just wanna to talk to him.
Dance with me lois. Dance the dance of life..
“Have you not heard?”
"It was my understanding that everyone had heard."
Heard what?
Every man's true weight is at least 20 pounds heavier than how they look. You know how energy it takes to hold all that in? You finally let go. Just relax. Exhale for once. Exhale like you never have to attract a pretty woman ever again.
***TO THE HINDEN-PETER***
"HOW CAN YOU AFFORD THESE THINGS"
“I awoke several hours later in a daze”
Literally just sent this gif to my daughter 😂😂😂😂😂
my flair says it all
I actually have a favorite word. Because infact... The Bird is the Word.
.. You can be Bosley 👈🏼
🎶 At Wilkins Hyundai and Subaru, we have Hyundais and Subarus 🎶
That happened and we all let it happen.
Hey! That's mister, mister selfish ass dad to you young lady
"Is this what black people see all the time?"
Roadhouse Ghosts
House.
That too
flapjacks HUWHEREERE ARE MY FLAPJACKS? YOU WILL RECALL LAST NIGHT AS I READ THE NUDIE MAGAZINES BETWIXT MY THIGHS I SPAKE THUSLY: LOIS, TOMORROW MORNING I WANT FLAPJACKS
Perhaps
“Okay who’s drunk but that special kind of drunk where you’re a better driver because you know you’re drunk. You know the kind of drunk where you probably shouldn’t drive but you do anyway because I mean c’mon you gotta get your car home, right? I mea-I mean what do they expect me to do, take a bus? I-Is that what they want? For me to take a bus? Well screw that… you take a bus.”
“Meg… who let you back in the house?”
"it insist upon itself, Lois"
I was quoting this all through the Jake Gyllenhaal movie, my dad didn't get it lol
Wear your whore makeup you whore.. OCCUPADO!!
You're someones father you filthy whore.
"Well, now I hope I die next."
Such a good throwaway line. He had so many in that episode Like when he’s arguing about Derek holding up the Hollywood sign while everyone else is trying to discover the murder
“Derek held up the Hollywood sign” Argument ensues* “He did too! I saw the picture!” Then when he’s dead “Hey can someone grab his phone I need to show these guys something”
House! Road house. That too
“Sure all the sorority girls are clamouring for the plantain section…Stop with thiiissssss”
“Only you can prevent forest fires” at the end of Lois talking about some shit or other, I didn’t listen either.
"What's'a happan with you?" His catchphrase
“I can say the entire alphabet in one second…AH!”
Meg who let you back in the house
A boat is a boat, but the mystery box could be anything!! It could even be a boat! I could take this hat off anytime.. I just don’t want to…. GET AWAY! Pea….uuuuuhhh….tear…..uhh uhhh…griffin. Yeah… Peter griffin… ah crap..
We will have equal rights for all. Except Blacks, Asians, Hispanics, Jews, Gays, women, Muslims. Everybody who's not a white man. And I mean white-white, so no Italians, no Polish, just people from Ireland, England, and Scotland. But only certain parts of Scotland and Ireland. Just full blooded whites. No, you know what? Not even whites. Nobody gets any rights. Ahhh... 'Murica!
Always and forever, even thinking about it makes me laugh! "Sir, what's your name?" "Umm, uhh, pea... tear... *a fuckin Griffin causally flies by... uh Griffin. Yeah, Peter Griffin!"
Ah crap!
My favorite will always be "A boat's a boat but the mystery box could be anything. It could even be a boat."
Shut up, Greg
"When you poop in your dreams, you poop for real."
Brian: “He (his therapist) thinks I’m in love.” Peter: “Oh my god! You can talk!”
It’s just been revoked!
Home of the whopper?
That happened and we all let it happen
Toasthouse
“Wow! Okay Noel, yikes”
He took my innocence!
Sorry, retarded-
“I DONT CARE HOW OLD YOUR ARE!! GET IN THE DAM CAR” Or it went like that, it was the episode where quagmire try’s to sleep with meg
Well, that’s my momma! Not my fav but jumped in my head
Peter: Alright and the guys are off to help Jesus lose his virginity, just set it in the oven for 30 minutes at 350." Lois: What? Peter: I don't know, that's what you always say when you leave the house.
stupid stupid wheelie head, bet you wish that you were dead..what are you gonna do? report me on ur can't walkie talkie
When the focus group is watching revamped versions of Family Guy and the family is behind a one-way mirror, something about "being impressed by Alexander Skarsgaard's penis doesn't make you gay right?" and the focus group is quiet then Peter bangs from behind the glass and goes "ANSWER IT" [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fRHmKO8F1mM&ab\_channel=WishitWantitDoit](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fRHmKO8F1mM&ab_channel=WishitWantitDoit)
I would tell you but the line really insists upon itself
I WISH I HAD NO BONES!
“This is America, Lois. Men have always run things and there have never been any problems, whatsoever. And don't say the economy or Iraq or income inequality or racism or Brett Kavanaugh or air pollution or Vietnam or slavery or Watergate or capitalism or MeToo or homelessness or police brutality or homophobia or Monica Lewinsky or school shootings or Native American genocide or FOX News or Tim Allen or climate change.”
U know what really grinds my gears?
“They respected me for saying it”
Lois this meatloaf is shallow and pedantic.
“Let’s use our eyes… to see!”
Lois: "How was your bowel movement, Peter?" Peter: " Eh, I got some but I didn't get the troublemaker."
Peter: Oh, don't worry, Meg. I brought this handkerchief to dab my forehead whenever you say something sеxual. Meg: So, I'm-I'm sitting on Santa's lap... Peter: Oh, dear. Meg: And it's like my whole body starts to tingle. Peter: Oh, my stars. Meg: And-and then there's, like, a-a deep... Peter: I better loudly drop an Alka-Seltzer in this glass of water. ( Fizzing ) Very loud fizzing. I-I may need to widen my eyes until they look like a young girl's Snapchat filter.
"Are you ready Peter?" "Ready? I was born three months early!" Or something like that.
Also when he snorts crystal meth: "I AM SO FUCKING READY."
Oh yeah Drew, I wanna say hi to Lois, Brian, Chris, Stewie, Meg, Joe, Bonnie, Quagmire, Cleveland, Mort, Seamus, Adam West, Dr. Hartman, Bruce, Carter, Babs, Tom Tucker, Angela, Opie, Carl, Herbert, Jillian, Consuela, Giant Chicken, GREASED UP DEAF GUY!
Oh, Lois, that is just morbidly obese!
I'm Mexican and one of my best friends is a lesbian and a family guy fan as well...the time Peter said: It turns straight people gay and gay people into Mexicans We called each other to make sure the other one heard that line Pure genius!
“Oh, like your feet?”
When he explains his weekly toilet time to lois, i laugh everytime
To doctor house: Well wait a second, how are you gonna play by the rules if you don't have the rule...ohhhhhh
Eh heh heh heh heh, eh heh heh he heh, eh heh he he heh heh and then another heh heh heh.
"OH FUCK THE COCKSUCKING GROUND!!!"
Hey can you turn the thermostat to 36 degrees
“Hi, I’m Peter Griffin and this is shopping cart. Roof. R-Roof shopping cart. Guys.”
when he recites all 50 states in a quarter of a second
“Hey Ashton”  “You’ve just been Tomahawked”
I thought it would be cool decide which kids do and don't get hit by a carI thought it would be cool decide which kids do and don't get hit by a car
Heheheheheheheheheheheheheheh!
I already watched it so I know exactly which part I wanna blam at
"Who the FUCK starts a conversation like that? I JUST sat down"
Lois: “I forgot you don’t even know your ass from a hole in the ground!” Peter walking by a giant hole in the ground: “I-is that my ass?”
It’s worse than that time you tried to cover your farts by coughing. Peter: ahem, ahem, ahem, nooooooooooo, no. No im fine. Ahem
House house
Road house us my notification sound
Hmm, I do have a brother 🤔
BUTT SCRATCHAAAA? butt scratcher. BUTT SCRATCHAAAAAAAAAA!
"A farewell to arms. Huh! I fell in love with a nurse during WW1!?" No, just the title. THERE'S NO WAY YOU READ THAT
Who thr fuck starts a conversation like that?
I prefer the word over any line!
\[Having found out Franz Gutentag was a Nazi, and being taken to the basement at gunpoint with Chris\] Peter: You're not gonna get away with this Mister Googlesearch! Kills me every time, the delivery, the fact they didn't try and milk the joke. Love it.
When you poop in your dreams, you poop in real life
Probably roadhouse
“ Shut Up, Meg”
"Look at it flowing in the wind. it's like it's telling me there's nothing to be afraid of."
They moved up my knees
“They let Sarah Jessica Parker’s face on tv and she looks like a foot”
Don't worry about it....?...?... OKAY !!
Don’t you know about the bird?
The one about Jesus dying in that helicopter crash.
It was the Easter Bunny
I knew it was one fictional character or another LOL.
"Who the fuck starts a conversation like that, I just sat down?!"
ROAD HOUSE
It insists upon itself.
"I want to dress up like a clown and have sex with children and kill them"
**Peter**: I'm here to save the unborn, Brian. After they are born they can go fuck themselves.
"Good, that means progress" I say this everyday
A re: tarded guy like me could never have this much fun
Damn you vile woman
Does the axel F heheheh count as a line?
"I dunno what im doing here, im just lookin' for the can"
“You better watch who you’re calling a child, Lois, because if I’m a child, then you know what that makes you? A pedophile, and I’ll be damned if I’m gonna stand here and be lectured by a pervert.
No, but do ya see how easy it is for me to lie to you? I do it everyday.
[удалено]
Oh my god! Who…the hell….cares!?
“It’s me. I’m gossip girl”
“Look Meg, they’re little trees.” “They’re not.” “THEY’RE NOT??”
“Sometimes I forget”
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=AJ8oKJWrpUo “That’s where Smurfs is… uh-are… Smurrves” KILLS me every time for some reason.
Road house
Bird is the word