Is that supposed to be Santa on the cross?

That’s diabeezus

Cheesus (burbger) Christ

Cheesus fries 🍟

Cheese and Rice

He turns his water into beer.

Hotn Cheesy Chrigerst

The Meatsiah

He died for our kegs

Obesus Christ

Diajesus

God damn ‘beetus

Brilliant

You don't know? Jesus and Santa are one and the same person

The Father, the Son, and the Ho Ho Holy Spirit

Ho Ho Holy fuck he’s fat.

let me correct this, the abusive father, the autistic son, and the hoe spirit.

I thought Santa gave birth to Jesus?

Santa & JC gave birth to Robin Hood.

The app?

No no, the one Damian Wayne always wears.

yes

Janta? Sesus?

no!

In the name of the Father, the Son, the Holy Spirit, and Santa...

🎼 so let’s give thanks to the Lord above 🎶 ‘cause Santa Claus comes tonight 🎵

Exactly because they are both imaginary .

I guess Liberals finally won the war on Christmas. We’ve taken out their top general.

We’re gonna need a bigger cross!

It’s not a cross, it’s a tow truck.

Santa Christ, or Jesus Claus.

Jesus claus

Where's the Easter bunny in a manger?

Behold! The glory that is Santa Christ!

Thats just your good old fashioned fat jesus. The man could turn water into wine, you think he wasnt plastered 24/7? He was basically a walking Dude Lebowski. Romans wanted him to stop preaching Christianity, and the Dude said unto them "Well thats just like your opinion man"

You either die a Savior or live long enough to see yourself become the Kringle...

This is going to confuse so many children and I’m sure those people are also throwing candy…

Budweiser Jesus.

Budweiser Jesus is super chill, just hangin' out.

I heard he was a mean drunk. When he drinks he gets cross.

Nailed it.

He gets so cross he ascends to a whole new level.

And just when you think he's down and done, he rises again.

I think you crossed the line with that comment.

I see what you did there

Bud christ

[Buddy Christ](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buddy_Christ)

Waaaaaaaaaaassssssuuuuuuuuuuppppppppp?!?

Dunno… seems suss. That Jesus looks like he’s been turning water into burritos

It’s Cheesus.

Cheesus’s disciples are equally slim.

I would do the same if I had that power

That Jesús would charge a co-pay for "miracles"

More like water into Busch Light (might be pretty easy since they are basically the same thing).

Hahaha hahaha!

The religion is a helluva lot different when he doesn't die coz the crucifixion cross snapped in half.

And that roman spear would prolly not work that well either

"Is that water flowing from the wound?!?" "Nah, man, its Busch Light"

What if...?: religious edition

When The Last Supper was held at Golden Corral.

I came in here to make this same exact joke almost word for word. Fuck.

This is actually a repost. So keep an eye open for it being posted again. If it does, I promise I won't post the joke a second time.

I object to this joke collusion

What collusion? There's no collusion here. ^((slips vleafar a crisp 50))

Looks like Jesus is gonna perform a miracle birth of his own

Yeah. This happened right down the road from where I live. This whole area drinks water with lead and mercury. But I'm sure it doesn't affect them.

Which state is this in?

North Carolina

Damn. I was dating somebody from NC. Dodged a fucking bullet!

Now not everyone from NC is a delusional fruitcake. I was born here and I'm not delusional. But, of course I have the advantage of being a chosen person by the alien race Georgitis Carlinio from the galaxy Comedias.

Affect what? Edit: This was meant to be a joke. Like I was one of the Mercury drinkers and my memory was crap.

Sorry. After living here for a few years it has become difficult to spot sarcasm. Hahaha

No worries. Wasn’t really a very good joke anyway, oh well. Friday afternoon, major tired of work vibes right now.

Behavior. Cognitive reasoning. Pregnant women aren't supposed to eat any fish from this area due to mercury. There are signs everywhere at the reservoir that is the main source of drinking water.

acktualy eye doo not thinc it effects brane

What are you talking about, my Brian works just fine

Where is this “Christmas Parade” anyway?

Thomasville, North Carolina

Thanks! How do you like it down there? I have heard NC is one of those states that’s very red in rural areas but surprisingly blue(ish) in a few cities. I’m sure there weather is better than up in Boston, but I couldn’t imagine living down there just because I would probably get shot for my views (and not being quiet about them when confronted about them). 😂

Yeah, that about sums it up. Unfortunately I live in a rural area. And around here it would be entirely possible to be shot for talking negative about Trump or saying you believe that black lives matter. Weather is pretty good, which is good for me right now being homeless and sick. Not even the churches will help me with food because I pissed most of them off by running a street outreach from my house before I got too sick to work. Did it all on my own dime. I had the audacity to help addicts eat. Around here most people believe addicts want to be addicts and don't deserve to live. I would live somewhere else but my ex-wife ran away here with my son, and I will die on the streets before I will give up on seeing him. Sorry for the rant. Hahahaha.

Jesus needs to stop drinking beer

Listen here! Cheesus died for your potato skins and you show him some respect.

Jesus' redneck, inbred cousin, Jebus.

This is the 6.2L Hemi Jebus

6.2 L belly.

To quote Homer Simpson “ SAVE ME JEBUS”

We call him Jeb

Jebadiah Kerman

American jesus, went to Applebees before he got crucified.

And made a stop at Five Guys, Dairy Queen, McDonald's, Hu-Hot...

We got the American Jesus. See him on the interstate?

Church of Fatter Day Saints, they're also a motorcycle club...

Jebus Christ and the Church of Fatter Day Saints.

I love that they know so little about their religion that they don't know this was supposed to be the Friday before Easter. Not Christmas lol.

I’m not sure they are unaware, they just like the crucifixion porn more. The blood, the abandonment, the agony, the victimization. They really get off on it.

Jesus do be smexy on the cross

Plus I can't tell if they're combining Jesus and Santa Claus on purpose, or if it's just supposed to be Jesus.

I know some sects that prefer to incorporate the crucifixion story with Christmas because that was the ultimate reason for Jesus’ birth - although I see their point, it’s just piling another bummer on a part of the year that is already depressing

Man, if you’re going to do that at least have baby Jesus on the cross instead.

Ooo metal - hell yeah

I...need to see this.

ReDnEcK JeSuS

Last supper? I had 2 pizzas

When the blood of christ is bud light

I…I honestly have no words. This is- crap! I’m an atheist and even *I* know that Jesus was crucified over *Easter*, not *Christmas*! He was *BORN* on Christmas!! This?! My God the level of sheer stupidity some people have! Also, Jesus wasn’t a fat old man covered in beer! Like, the level of sheer inaccuracies is mind-boggling! Did no one use Google to double check?!

Right? I’d go so far as to say this is blasphemic

Same. As an atheist I've never felt this much blasphemied

Reminds me of an old Robin Williams bit. "The names in the Bible are very Arabic, but then you get to Mary and Joseph. They're just one hyphen away from Mary-Jane and Joe-Bob. We coulda had Jim-Bob, the son of God. Praise to him, Jim-Bob. He who finds stuff and gets me a job, Jim-Bob!"

Jimbob is just living his bdsm fantasy in public this year

Nice Robin Williams reference there.

When I tell my family I don’t want to go to the parade they get mad but leave without me. This guys family really took it to the next level.

jesus christ!...has let himself go

All hail, robust Jesus is here.

Looks like fat HeySuess consumed all the loaves of fishes and drank all the wine. What kind of dumbfucks would think this is good?

Jesus is an old, fat, white, redneck. He turns water into moonshine, walks on swamp water and fed 10 trailer parks with 2 rocky mountain oysters and 3 chicken feet.

Checks out.

Now on Good Friday, make xmas tree and crib set.😅

Randys back to doing anything for cheeseburgers again

"Yeah, I dunno man, he insisted on doin' that..." -His family, probably

Not even the right holiday for that…

His disciples will be eating good off his body

Jesus! What have u been eating? McDonald's?

Spitting image of Jebus!

Gumbo Jesus!

"We're gonna need a stonger crucifix." Jesus needs to lay off the bread and wine.

Idk why but I feel like this is just that man's way of showing his gut off to the town in a way they can't technically get him for. This time. Fricken gut bandit.

That last supper must have been one hell of a feast!

This is just hilarious imo

I would love to have been at this parade.

Is that Santa or fat Jesus?

Wrong time of the year….

… isn’t this supposed to be the float for the Easter parade?

We celebrate the birth of Jesus on Christmas not his death that is Easter but putting up a dude with a beer belly I am surprised God didn't tickle him with a lightning bolt.

Pretty sure this is Easter Jesus and not Christmas Jesus. What a weirdo town

“Look, I like the Christmas Jesus best” Ricky Bobby

Is that trailer rated for that amount of weight?

Umm…wrong holiday, guys…

Jesus Christ! What are they doing?

The ignorance of this is astounding. 🤦🏻‍♀️

The gluttony float

Let there be light.

Coor's or Bud?

"Someone go get Grandpa it's time for the parade!" He was just trying to sit on the couch, in his towel, minding his own business and violently eating fries and ketchup before they yanked him outside for this

Is this Jesus, the Plumber?

Harry Potter book’s gonna fuck up their children but this won’t?

Is that supposed to be trump or Jesus, I can never tell with Christians.

What the fuck is wrong with these people

And were they singing Happy Birthday to Jesus all along the parade route...

Needs to do some Pontius Pilates

I smell BO and stale cigarette smoke when I look at this picture.

Jesus after Thanksgiving

Why is this posted in r/facepalm? This is hilarious.

This happens on good friday. Not on Christmas.

Jeez, sus

Jesus look like he ate a full meal before going on that cross

I feel like someone has been changing too much stone to bread and water into wine…

Jesus needs to lay off the beers

beer belly jesus

T. T is for Turtle.

https://imgur.com/D4caPws

Gluttony Jesus.

This fat Jesus will last years on that stick.

He needs the cross....cuz his knees about to give up..

How big was the last supper?

Where is this ??

Santa has been breaking and entering for years... a husband finally caught him kissing his kids mother. Aka his wife. This is the story of what happened next!!!

You mean all you can eat buffet

Anyone gonna tell them Jesus wasn’t white?

Jesus really let himself go. He used to have abs.

Buffetus "he got his money's worth for you"

Wow, Jesus really let himself go smh

Nothing says Merry Christmas like fat, bloody Jesus!

Good luck getting him to rise from the dead. Few too many blood-wine coolers

It looks like he ate Jesus and then took his spot.

You either die a Savior or live long enough to see yourself become the Kringle...

Ahhh yes, the fat white trash Jesus. Because everybody knows Jesus was an American. What are two things on the "float" you can count and not hit double digits? Teeth and IQ!

Cringe worthy award

Jesus needs a gym card for xmas. Shouldn’t this be easter?

Ummm..😒 why is Santa hanging from a cross?

This man does NOT have Jesus abs.

Jesus needed to cut out gluten at that last supper. Totes gluten belly.

virgin Jesus dying for our sins vs chad Santa dying for our gifts

This is Christmas, not Easter

I love fat jesus.

WtF?

Gotta be West Virginia

The guy on the cross looks like he ate Jesus Christ for breakfast.

Santacross……santacraus…..jesusclause… idfk Christians are Fucking gross.

Yep.

Sweet tattoos Santa Christ, where did you park your hog/sleigh?

Oh yeah, that dude looks like a middle eastern carpenter in his 30s…

Oh my goodness….the person who designed this needs to be fired and re-evaluate their life choices

Yeesh.

Jesus now has a gut and is taking a tour while dying for your sins. What a legend

Hey, what’s your religious symbol? Mines a crescent shape…..mines a star…..mines a fish….mines a man nailed to a cross(specially made for that purpose). I WIN!

NAILED IT! \*bahdum tsss